A starter is a saniwa's closest friend and partner.
They have never thought much of that saying until they feel their heart shatters when Gokotai shoves them through the Time Portal and the last imagines of their brave warriors are of dull, shattered swords, Ichigo and Yamanbagiri locked in combat with Mikazuki – the traitor who turned and disturbed the peace of this haven, blood oozing out from the wound of Gokotai's chest and the fiery flaming tip of the enemy's yari that pokes out from the fatal wound.
There is a scream – from whom, Gokotai or them? – and they hit the cold ground of the main office of the Time Protecting Department as the portal vanishes in front of their own eyes.
There are hands on them, hands that stop them from opening a portal back to their demolished home and soothing words are whispered into their ears.
"It will be fine". They chant quietly as their vision blurs with tears and the images of the massacre they just witnessed burn hotly in their mind.
A pain shoots through them and they clutch at their chest, heaving as another bond – Ichigo's, their mind whispers – disappears, leaving them empty and desperately clinging onto the last thread tying them to the remnant of the place they once called home.
There is a blur of colors and they soon find themselves in a wooden chair in the infirmary with the nurse peering over the record she is reading to check their status. "How are you feeling?" She asks and puts the stack of paper down.
Their chest aches and in a panic, they reach out to feel the strings that tie their warriors close to them only for tears to fall from their puffy eyes when they feel the faint, weak pull on the invisible string that ties Yamanbagiri to them.
"It is a miracle that you are alive." The nurse continues steadily and pours herself a cup of tea. "They found your citadel devoid of anything but scraps of metal and blood. Not even your starter was found."
With a hand over their mouth, they wail, soundlessly as reality settles in and the images of that time play again and again. "I should have never… They could have lived…" The throb in their heart and the emptiness continue as their body shakes with sobs. "I should have stayed with them… This wouldn't have happened if I had…"
They are barely aware of the nurse and as her hand settles atop of their head, they flinch and look up with fear in their eyes. "Take a deep breath first." She instructs softly. "I'm here for you."
It takes a lot of effort to calm their breathing and to push those gruesome images to the back of their mind but the nurse waits patiently until they sit, trembling with tear-tracks drying and their cheeks flush and mumble brokenly. "…I'm… I'm okay… now."
Nodding, the nurse pours another cup and places it into their hands. "Now, what happened there?"
They are given permission to start over again when they express their desire to continue being a saniwa.
The only draw-back is that they have to choose a starter as Yamanbagiri – their first, their one and only starter – is still not found – they know he is still alive but no one save for a few believes them.
"I want power." They say and touch the golden sheath of Hachisuka Kotetsu, ignoring the temptation to look at the beautiful and modest Yamanbagiri Kunihiro. "I want power so that it will not happen again."
There is a storm of swirling flower petals and they nearly cry when Hachisuka – not their Hachisuka, they remind themselves – manifests before their own eyes, as proud as the Hachisuka in their citadel.
"I am Hachisuka Kotetsu from the Hachisuka clan, which I got my name from. Even though most of the Kotetsu were inscribed with a name that deemed counterfeit, I am a genuine Kotetsu. It'd be a problem if you assume I was a fake."
They greet him as joyous, as polite as they had when they met for the first time and just like last time, Hachisuka graciously greets back and tears threaten to spill from their watery eyes.
They have begged the officials not to relocate them in a newer citadel but to strengthen the barrier of their old one and lend them a hand in fixing it because how can they, leaving behind a place full of bittersweet and nightmarish memories.
It was at that place that they first became a saniwa and they want to end their career there as well.
There is a colleague who studies in the same year as them in the institute tagging along when they return to their old citadel. "Just to keep you safe." The officials have said and their friend – if they could call the other saniwa that – obediently escort them through the Time Portal with Hachisuka and two of the escorting wakizashi – Horikawa Kunihiro and Honebami Toushirou.
The other saniwa is kind and friendly as the tsukumogami chatter behind them.
And it hurts because once upon a time, their Horikawa and Honebami were so happy in their citadel, surrounded by those who they loved and those who loved them back.
"Your bond is still here." Their friend whisper with a comforting hand on their shoulder as they search the empty citadel for survivors – a wild goose chase as they both know Yamanbagiri Kunihiro was the sole survivor – with Hachisuka on their heels and the two wakizashi silently and grimly on stand-by should any problem arise.
They never find him amidst the blood-soaked place, only tatters of the cloth he bundled himself in.
"I'm not your first, am I?" Hachisuka asks one night as they welcome him back from an expedition. His voice is soft as he adjusts his hold on Gokotai, their first tantou – a nostalgic coincidence as he had been the first too when they began with Yamanbagiri's hesitant lead.
"…No." They reply because experiences have taught them that honesty is the best policy and pat Gokotai's soft hair as his tigers wound themselves around their legs. "Yamanbagiri Kunihiro was my first but he got lost."
Hachisuka snorts quietly as he brushes past them to tuck Gokotai in. "Then I hope you will find him soon." He whispers. "You seem very lost without him."
They manage a wry smile that turns upside down when Hachisuka rounds the corner and tears roll down their flushed cheeks.
The nightmare never stops. It comes more often now that their citadel is nearly the size of their old one and they always wake up screaming, sweaty hands clutch tightly at the chest and the feeling of unbearable pain coming from separation.
Every single time it happens, Hachisuka always slips into their room and sits with them as they choke back their tears and from outside of their room, the others peer in worriedly.
"It's not good to keep everything to yourself." Hachisuka always reminds them quietly as he shoos the others back to their room. "We are always here for you."
It always ends with them sobbing soundlessly into their hands and Hachisuka silently sitting with them through all of it – they once told him he didn't need to do so but he insisted on it.
They never manifest another Yamanbagiri Kunihiro despite the urging of their attendants because how can they, replacing him when he is very much alive.
They will keep searching, hoping that they will be united again before one of them succumbs to death.