Crazy trouble with love part 6
Female Krampus and Santa
Series: Holiday Icons
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-North Pole-
The arctic, a cold area full of polar bears, snow, and a long candy cane like pole….wait what?
A long pole with the North Pole sign on the side was visible in the area as we find a small village full of elves and reindeer, with the occasional living toys you find in tv specials. All of them getting ready for one day: Christmas.
(Inserts Santa Claus is coming to town music)
Ah yes, the most wonderful time of the year...except it wasn't Christmas.
(Music stops)
It was the day of Krampus, the taker of children and beater of naughty kids. Also called Krampusnacht or Krampus Night.
The elves, reindeer, and toys suddenly felt a cold wind pick up and had a dreaded feeling.
Clop clop clop clop.
They turned and saw a very tall figure in a tattered brown cloak, with long ibex horns that curve up its head, long black goat legs and clawed hands with a massive bag on its shoulders and a bundle of birch branches in a bundle in its left hand. It's long hairy tail swished around on the ground as a pair of dark yellow goat eyes peered out from under the hood.
To the elves and other holiday creatures, they paled seeing the ruler of Krampusnacht, Krampus. They moved out of the way while Krampus gave a low growl and even made a toy nutcracker pass out while holding out its claws.
The creature walked towards the main factory as it growled like a demonic goat.
(Inside)
The elves were drinking eggnog and making toys as the doors slammed open to reveal the demonic holiday icon. They jumped and turned with a few shivering as Krampus looked around and let out a chuckle. It moved forwards while keeping its gaze right at a door labeled Santa's office.
(In said room)
"Ho ho ho ho." chuckled the jolly saint nick himself while looking over a long list, on a computer mind you, for naughty and nice kids. Before you ask, he had to upgrade because computers do help keep them organized, plus it keeps it easy from getting blown away by an arctic wind. The only problem was the bugs, always the bugs. "Now let's see, George has been nice, Molly too, but Chad has been extra naughty since last year."
Knock knock knock knock.
He blinked and turned. "What is it?"
Another set of knocks was heard as the holiday icon saw a pair of familiar looking hooves from the crack of his door.
"Oh right." he got up and walked over before opening the doors. "Forgot it was that time again."
Krampus walked in while the door suddenly slammed shut. It looked at the man before stepping towards him.
"How was the trip?"
It looked up before taking off its hood to reveal a young woman's face with sharp fangs, long grayish black hair that looked disheveled and looked lit it never had a bath in its life, and a long tongue that stuck out a little before retracting back into her mouth. "Dreadful, my kind of weather."
"Well the list is over there, all neat and organized. I swear upgrading was a huge improvement compared to using a long piece of parchment."
She stepped towards the computer and started looking though it. "Mmmm, these new contraptions are useful but annoying."
"A little, but hey, if it helps make each year easier, I'm not complaining."
She just looked at the list while licking her lips at the names of naughty children. "We have a lot of naughty children this year, especially in some of the war torn countries."
"Well just make sure you don't miss one, last thing we need is another incident."
"That child was annoying, wanting to summon me to take his family for not being a Christmas family with good mortals, but then tries to take him instead." She grumbled. "That family was more annoying than your elves after seeing me take one of their own."
"You tried to spank him in front of his family." he raised an eyebrow.
"He deserved it for stealing cookies before dinner." She said. "I could've sent him to hell for anything more then that, and you know that Nick."
"Yes yes, I am aware of that, but have you ever considered easing back a little and just giving the naughty kids a fright? Like, show some magic or show them what they could be like if they kept it up."
She slowly turned to him. "If I did that then they would be thinking I'm some kind of ghost, and trust me, I had enough Ghostbusters references to last a century."
"So where's your chains and bells?"
"I'm saving them for later, when you come with me to find naughty and nice children." She said. "As per tradition on my holiday."
"Well luckily for you I kept Comet from shivering after last year. You know teasing the reindeer makes it bumpy when I'm on the sleigh right?"
"It builds character." She flatly said while finishing looking at the list and caused some rusted chains to appear from her sleeves with heavy iron bells attached to them as she put her hood back over her face. "Now, I suggest you try and keep up."
"Ho ho ho ho, you telling me to keep up?" he smirked. "Is that a challenge?"
"Yes, it is Nick." She said before becoming silent as she walked out of the room, with an elf screaming in fear.
"You're on."
(Later)
-Somewhere over the USA-
"Ho ho ho, the clear wind in my face and beard never gets old, how about you?"
Krampus rolled her eyes while sitting next to him in a much small sleigh that was used on this day. "Yeah, I don't have a beard Nick."
"Well then how about your hair?"
"That's better, and yes." She said as the hood fell off from the wind. "Especially with my entire body covered in hair."
"Might I suggest some new razors?" he chuckled.
She frowned. "I don't use razors, why do I need one when my fur keeps me warm in the cold realm I reside in?"
"It was a joke."
"Oh ha ha." She said while tapping her fingers on the sleigh. She then took a whiff and grinned. "Someone's naughty, and that person tried glueing a cat to a rocket."
"Well then we'll just have to fix that now won't we?"
She smirked before putting the hood on and jumped off the sleigh.
'Always a showoff.' Saint Nick shook his head. 'Even when I was still a new icon she always acted like that.' He then recalled the day he met her all those years ago.
(Flashback)
-Alpine Region, 325 AD-
In the deep mountains, a young man with black hair and in a bishop's uniform and holding a wooden staff for support was feeling fatigued from the long march to the village on the other side of the mountains. He was Nicholas of Myra or Bishop Nicholas, a bishop of Constantine and currently a man that was trying to do god's work on earth.
He shivered from the cold wind and was trying his best not to fall asleep or else he would perish.
"Why must the village be on the other side of a mountain range?" He groaned while starting to feel his hands starting to freeze.
But as he tried to get up a rocket slope, he stumbled and fell down and landed on a rock near the bottom of the mountain. He groaned while feeling some blood dripping from behind his head. He tried using his staff, but it was partly broken and felt his body growing weaker.
As that was occurring, a blizzard began to form on the mountain as a figure walked by holding a bag full of something.
Ring ring ring.
'Bells?' He thought as the figure stood next to him as his eyes started drifting in and out of consciousness.
The figure looked over the man as the screaming of children was heard from inside the basket.
Nicholas felt his mind slipping as he heard something that shook him to the core.
"Are you naughty?"
(Some time later)
The bishop groaned while slowly coming to. But instead of feeling cold, he felt warm.
"Had a pleasant sleep?" Asked a feminine voice.
He slowly opened his eyes and saw he was in a ice cave with fur covering the entire entrance of the cave. He looked around before seeing a woman with goat like eyes, a curved set of horns, goat like hooves, brown and black fur that covered her large hips and B cup chest, sharp fangs, a long black tail, and long brownish black hair that reached to her hooves. In her hands was the head of a small child with half its head cut opened.
"You were out for a few days, and I almost had to eat you." She smirked.
His eyes widened before he scrambled to move, but hissed in pain. "D-Demon!"
"I have a name you know, it's Krampus." She frowned. "And I'm no demon, I'm a 'god'," she made air quotes with her free hand. "To the entire region."
"Lies! There is only one true god. Look! You...you have claimed a child's life!"
"He was naughty." She smirked. "I take those that are naughty, especially children. I punish them, eat them, drown them or send them to the underworld. But only today, my day of hunting." She then threw the head away and walked closer to him. "But you shouldn't move, you hit your head on a rock."
He tried to move again, but winced and held the spot while feeling some blood.
She moved closer and put a hand on his head. "Relax, I'm not going to eat you. I only eat naughty humans, not nice ones."
"Lies."
She frowned. "Trust me, I don't go eating nice people, that would be wrong. And you're a saint."
"I'm no saint."
"You're a saint, trust me, I can smell it."
'I must escape!' He thought as the woman walked away and bright back a pelt with a bears head on it and placed it on him.
"Don't move, I need to heal you and trust me, with your injury it will take ten days." She said before sitting next to him. "So don't go getting ideas."
"How do I know I can trust your words?"
She pulled a chain from her skin and took out a bell, which was made of iron, before ripping it out of the chain and put it in his hand. "Here, if the bell rings I'm telling the truth, if it doesn't I'm lying."
He grunted when she let go and raised an eyebrow. "Alright, then tell me again, are you truly wanting to help me or end my life for some sick pleasure?"
She rolled her eyes. "I only eat or take naughty humans, and you aren't naughty in the slightest."
Nicholas frowned.
"Trust me Nick, I'm not a demon. I'm just a being that helps instill good behavior in humans."
The bishop looked at the bell before ringing it.
Ring ring.
"Oh fine, but how is killing children going to do anything short of helping?!"
"I eat the extremely naughty children, ones that are so disrespectful that even their parents would cry. The one I ate tried killing his family's cattle to spite his family."
He frowned. "That's still not how you should treat children."
"I've done this before you were born, and no one complains about it."
"You should change, the lord will make you repent."
"I do now know this god, but I'll make you a deal." She smirked. "If you can tell me one good deed a child can do that I can't name, I'll stop eating children and let you command me, if not I'll just send you back home and kept doing my methods in peace."
He frowned and set the bell down before looking at the ground. 'Think, I must be careful on how I word the answer.'
She smirked while knowing that she's going to win. "So want to test your luck?"
He sighed. "Fine."
"Then tell me, what good deed can a child do that I can't answer?"
He drummed his hands on the ground before getting an idea. "Give a present to a stranger."
She blinked while trying to think of a good retort but came up with nothing. 'Wait...oh no.'
"Well? Is that a good enough answer for you?"
Krampus growled while hugging a little. "Yes, and as promised I'll stop eating children and be your servant." She then said. "But that's until you die saint, then I'll go back to eating naughty children."
Nicholas nodded. "Fine by me, Kramp."
"It's Krampus."
"Whatever you say."
She huffed while looking away.
(End of flashback)
'I still can't believe that when I became an icon that she didn't try to eat any kids until the eighth century.' Saint Nick thought as Krampus jumped back up onto the sleigh.
"I took him, and don't worry Nick, he's just going to be spanked this year."
"Good work."
She smiled a toothy grin. "Let's get the next one, So where's the next town?"
"A few miles from here, I recall that the names Balance."
"That's an odd name Nick."
"Oh and like our names are any different?"
She huffed. "Just drive."
(A little while later)
"Ho ho ho, we're here."
"Perfect, but….oh it smells so rich with naughty children and adults." Krampus said with a grin.
"Hmm, that's odd, last time I checked there were pretty good kids here." he remarked looking down at the neighborhood.
"My nose never lies, they are naughty people down there." Krampus huffed. "So I feel like taking all of them."
"Now hold on, let's just go with a few and see who is really naughty or nice."
"Fine, but if all of them are naughty I'm going to send all of them to hell and you owe me a candy cane castle."
"Alright, let's start with house number one."
She nodded before landing on the house and jumped down the chimney. She landed at the bottom and looked around the living room with Santa following.
Inside the house we find a small family sleeping in their beds, all except for a girl with brown hair who was sneaking around the kitchen for some ice cream.
'I'm going to eat my ice cream, I love ice cream.' She thought with a grin. 'Much better than broccoli.'
"Naughty…"
She blinked as her body stood on end. "W-Who's there?"
Clop clop clop.
She turned before getting dragged into a sack by chains with hooks on the ends. "Ahhhh!"
Krampus smirked while looking at her bag. "Naughty, punishment drowning in ice cream." She then walked back up the chimney and back up to the sleigh.
"So what's her crime?"
She took off her hood. "Trying to steal food, after twenty times of being scolded in the last year."
"Angela?" he blinked. "Wait a sec there, I know this girl here does a lot of work for the whole neighborhood, and some of them are really old people who can't even cut their grass."
"She still tried to steal food, that deserves punishment Nick." She frowned. "Especially when she was getting ice cream."
"All kids do that."
"She was doing it every night."
He looked at the girl who was shivering inside the bag. "Angela, don't you know too many sweets can lead to cavities?"
"S-Santa? But it's not Christmas." She said in fear as some demonic toys started biting her arms. "Ah!"
"Krampus get her out of there." he frowned.
"Why? She's naughty."
"Yeah well I'm the one who memorized the list for the entire year, and I say she's nice."
She frowned. "I smell her naughtiness, and today's my holiday so I say she's naughty."
"Ah!" Angela cried out while tears streamed down her cheeks. "I'm sorry! I won't steal again, awawa!"
"Just let her go, I'm pretty sure just being in the sack is enough to shock her into being better."
Krampus grumbled before pulling her out and threw her onto the snow below, landing safely in a bush. "I still think she needs to be drowned in ice cream."
Santa sighed before his hands glowed with magic which he used to pick the girl up and lowered her down the chimney carefully. "Get plenty of rest Angela! I'll see you come Christmas!"
(At the next house)
"Ok, this is where Cody lives, nice lad, loves playing with his dog, but I do admit he does tease his little sister a bit much."
"And shaved her hair off." Krampus frowned. "And put glue in her nose."
He coughed and looked to the side. "True true, but he does help out at the animal shelter."
"After blowing up his hamster."
"That was an accident."
"Still counts after two years." She said while stomping her hoove a little on the roof.
Santa sighed. "Just leave him be."
"Grrr."
(Next house)
"This girl tried to bully people on the internet, very naughty if you ask me Nick."
"True, but in her defense, she DID talk it over and mention she was trying to get over her parents getting a divorce."
"And then she started playing with guns."
"Toy guns."
"And she did hurt a guy."
"In self defense."
"After she called him a bastard."
"Well he DID try to grab her chest at a party while she was a little tipsy."
"She drank fifty bottles, and as I recalled drinking is not a good idea since her parents didn't want her to drink at all!"
He opened his mouth, but closed it and sighed. "Ok you got me there."
She grinned before going down the chimney and grabbed her by the head before opening a small hole with flames coming out. "Naughty to hell."
"Ahhh!" Screamed a redhead as she fell into the hole as it closed instantly.
Krampus jumped back up and smirked. "Hell for her."
"Next house." sighed Santa.
(Next house)
"Ok, I know that this kid was a pain in the neck with his mom." Krampus said. "And yelling at her is just rude."
"Yes, but at the same time she helps her friends out in school when they have some trouble."
"Who's supposed to be honored in the Bible again? The friends or the god damned parents?" She raised an eyebrow. "Well bishop?"
"Parents." he frowned.
"Yes so his yelling would violate that part wouldn't it?"
He sighed. "Fine, but don't send him to hell."
"It depends on his reaction to me." Krampus smirked before going down the chimney.
"I really gotta talk to her when she gets back."
A small teenager with a mullet grumbled while trying to look at his computer. "Stupid mom, she's not the boss of me."
Clop clop clop.
"Huh? What was that?"
Clop clop clop.
Creek.
"Naughty boy."
"Huh?! W-Whos there? Wait is that you mom?" he called out to the hallway. "Cause if it is this isn't funny!"
Clop clop.
The door opened as a large figure walked in. "Naughty."
"Holy shit!" He cried out before getting grabbed by the head.
It opened its sack and plopped him in as killer dolls started stabbing him in the ass and mouth.
"AHHHHH!"
(On the roof)
Krampus jumped up the chimney while smirking. "Two naughty children, a perfect day for me Nick."
"Yeah, before we go on any further, maybe you could take what I said earlier into consideration."
"What?" She asked as the boy screamed in his bag along with a cat. "Be quiet! The stuffed cat of doom is perfect for your mouth!"
"Look Krampus, how long have we known each other?"
"A few thousand years or more." She said while putting her bag on the roof and sat on it.
"Yes, and over the time the world's changed, has it not?"
"Not really, there's still evil men and children." She shrugged. "Just what are you getting at Nick?"
"I'm saying that maybe you should try and change things up. I mean look at me, I'm not the same man I used to be. My face is always seen when christmas comes, I wear red and white, and I live alone with reindeer, living toys, and elves who make toys, and most people forget I WAS a real person."
"Hello, I'm now considered a demon not a goddess." She deadpanned. "And people like my appearance."
"In the eighteenth century."
"The point is that I'm gaining back followers." She frowned. "And I got a movie."
"I had tv specials."
"Yeah yeah." She huffed. "I'm not going to change and that's final Nick."
"All I'm asking is to tone back on the whole 'sending kids to hell' part. Sure disciplining them and making it clear they shouldn't be naughty IS a great thing, but killing them off leads to heartbroken families after all."
"Yeah." She rolled her eyes. "It just helps keep them from making the same mistake, plus I go after very naughty children that DESERVE hell."
"Ahhhh!" Screamed the kid from inside.
"Hey quiet in there and let the Jack the Rippers in the box bite your arms!"
"Yes, but it's still killing. Isn't there a chance you could just scare them hard to the point it gets the point across? I mean as kids they're still learning."
"They had their chances and look what happened, child killers, children becoming murders, and adults with more garbage in their heads then a garbage can. And don't get me started with the Nazis or the USSR, those were the WORSE! And I was still trying to get set up with the whole riding on your sled thing."
"I just mean kids who still have a chance."
Krampus sighed. "It's better to teach them young then letting them become killers."
"I get that, but how bad could it be to just ease up a little and see what they become like later on? Look, if it turns out my idea isn't working, I'll shut up and let you do your thing, no matter how brutal it is."
Krampus grumbled while looking at the bag. "Fine, but I'll be the one that gets the last laugh Nick. Mark my words."
"And if it shows my way DOES in fact help, then….you have to let some of the elves give you a makeover." he smirked.
She jaw dropped. "What?! But they don't know anything about being goth!"
"Exactly."
Krampus growled before looking away. "Fine! But if I'm right then you have to lose weight, all of it."
"Ha, jokes on you, I was planning on that." he smirked. "Then the deal is set."
She huffed. "You got a deal, now let's go before this kid starts screaming like a elf on drugs."
"That was one time."
"And yet he became a dentist." She smirked.
(Next house)
Krampus jumped down the chimney while looking around for any naughty people. But that was when she heard two teens fucking in the next room. She grinned and started to slowly head towards the sound.
"Ah ah ah ah!" A girl with short long hair moaned while being fucked by a muscular man with black hair in it. "Yes! More Mark more!"
"Yeah, you like that don't you babe?"
"Oh yes! I do!" She moaned.
"Then take it Mandy! Take my cock into your slutty pussy!"
Clop clop clop clop.
The two didn't hear the sound as Mark started slapping Mandy's ass.
"Oh~ More!" She moaned while a figure started to peer into the room.
"Naughty."
The two started to slow down and turned before screaming as Krampus slowly opened the door.
It growled at them before pulling out a demonic walrus doll and paced it on them. "A gift."
They looked confused as the creature walked out of the room, not noticing that the doll was moving its head.
"Um what the?"
"NAW NAW!" The doll called out before puncturing the girl's ass with its tusks.
"AH!"
"NAW NAW!"
"What the fuck is that?!"
"Get it off me Mark!" She screamed as Krampus jumped back up the chimney.
"How's that for punishment Nick?"
"Why a walrus?"
"Because it's the only option I had besides an Annabell doll. Plus it added variety."
He sighed. "When I said tone back, I meant something less….scarring, physically."
"Well they were fucking so I just wanted to warn them not to do it." She joked. "But hey at least no one died right?"
"Mark no! Oh god no!"
"..."
"..."
"...I'll go get it back." Krampus blushed in embarrassment.
"You know fucking isn't really naughty. If it's before marriage, sure, but everyone eventually does it."
She rolled her eyes while jumping back down the chimney and grabbed the walrus doll before jumping back up. "Whatever you say."
(Next house)
"Ok, now try to punish them WITHOUT actually drawing blood."
Krampus shrugged before jumping down the chimney and put her hood on as she walked around the room. 'I know just the thing.'
A small boy with glasses was playing some video games in his room while pantsless. 'Almost at 9999 points!'
Clop clop clop.
He didn't notice the sound as a figure left a small video game with the words Snuff on it right near the door.
"Naughty boy."
He mashed his fingers faster and faster.
"Naughty." The figure said before knocking at the door and left.
He blinked before walking to the door and saw the game. "Huh? Must be a retro game."
(On the roof)
"So what did you give Jimmy?" Santa asked Krampus.
"A video game." She smirked as the sounds of screaming was heard. "Called Snuff."
He opened his mouth, but closed it. "Well, I'll admit that IS scarring, mentally, so it is less extreme, I think."
She grinned. "Ha! I win."
"The battle not the war."
(Next house)
"Ok, let's see how much more you can hold back without giving the girl here nightmares."
"That's simple, so much so I don't have to go in there." Krampus smirked as she took out a long stocking full of hot coals and threw it down the chimney. "There, all done Nick."
"Are the coals cold or still on fire?"
"Mmmm, didn't look." She shrugged as some smoke rose from the chimney.
"Wait, are you planning on burning the house down?!"
"You said not to harm the child so I'm not going to. Plus it has fire alarm right? That old house?"
Santa frowned at that.
"Don't worry they'll get out. I think?"
"Go get the stocking now."
She grumbled while jumping down the chimney and grabbed the object without causing a fire, even if it caused the tree to catch on fire. She got back up and huffed. "Better?"
"Yes, now get the tree."
She groaned. "You're impossible."
"And you're stubborn like a goat."
"Oh ha ha, real original."
(A while later)
"Ok, this is the last house."
"And what I heard, everyone in this house is naughtier than a pit of pit bulls."
"I'm not even gonna deny that."
"Then let's get this done and over with." Krampus smirked while licking her lips.
"Just no meaningless destruction, like the last fifty houses."
"Those were simple errors, really a condom monster isn't that bad."
"It had teeth."
"Meh, it did its job."
He sighed before the two jumped down the chimney, although it was tight at the same time.
"Gah! You're crushing my body Nick!"
"Sorry." He said before they got down and landed on the soot covered floor.
"Ah! Next time warn me before jumping at the same time!"
"I figured you were ahead of me."
Krampus grumbled while getting up and put her hood up. "Let's get this over with so I can enjoy scaring your elves."
"You need a new hobby."
"And you need to exercise." She said before walking towards the stairs.
The only problem was that no one was home that night, except for a mouse and a note saying they were at a party.
'Oh she's not going to like this.' Santa gulped.
That was when a car drove up as the parents and their three sons stumbled back towards the door looking very drunk.
"Uh oh."
"Ha, that party was fun." Spoke the mother while holding a bottle of beer. "Hic, let's get some sleep."
Krampus heard the voices while smirking darkly. "Naughty as sin."
"Uh, I'm just gonna go over here." Santa hid behind the couch. 'No way I'm getting a front row seat to this.'
The door opened as they stumbled into the room and up the stairs.
"Mom hic, that was fun."
"Let's hic do it again."
"Alright hic, we'll do it tomorrow night." The father said while not noticing that bear traps were laid out on the ground.
Santa took a deep breath and shut his eyes, plugged his ears, and winced when they touched them.
SNAP!
"AHHH!"
Krampus smirked before opening her mouth to reveal sharp dagger like teeth. "My first meal all night."
(One bloodbath later)
"Burp, ugh I think I ate too much." She groaned while laying on her back.
He sighed. "Well, I have nothing to say to that."
She burped again as a skull came out of her mouth. "Ugh, at least I'm not fat as you." She joked.
He facepalmed. "I don't get why I try. You stick to your guns no matter how many lives are ruined when it could be just as easy to take a wooden paddle and spank their bare bottoms all night."
She pondered on that notion. "I'll do that next year, but what are you getting at? All I did was bring them their just rewards for their own naughtiness."
"I just figured if I could slowly change you could be a little less….brutal, savage, sadistic, bloody, you get what I mean."
She shrugged while getting up. "I was born before humanity was born, so excuse me for being myself Nick."
He rolled his eyes.
"Also it's my nature, like yours is to be kind to children."
"Then you know why I just want you to tone it down. I mean...you get it already." he sighed. "I know it's you, I just figured you'd see how being a little nicer to kids who still have a chance to change might be more fulfilling."
Krampus blinked. "So you want me to be like you?"
"Well….no." he rubbed his head. "It's complicated ok? I just figured one day you'd get so much into it you'd go wild. And we've known each other a while and if that happened, I don't know what I'd do."
"...hello." She deadpanned. "I'm not a demon, I'm a goddess, meaning I can't control myself. So don't worry about my attitude, worry about the kids that aren't on my list."
"Fine fine." he sighed while getting in the sleigh.
Krampus looked at the former saint before saying. "If you want I could tone it down slightly, but only for you Nick."
"No, you're right, you can control yourself just fine. I'm being selfish by trying to change you when you're doing just fine."
She frowned and poked his nose. "It wasn't selfish, you were just worried about me. It was actually kind of sweet of you, especially when we have a long history together."
He smiled before the reindeer flew them off. "Thanks, but still, I'll consider our deal my loss."
"Yes and I'll enjoy seeing you thin as a twig."
(Timeskip)
"Oh Nick, what a surprise." Krampus said as she walked out of her cave. "I didn't expect you to visit me before the big day."
"Christmas is only two days away."
"And the day I wait for you to give me a nice pumpkin pie." She chuckled. "You know, you look less plump today."
"Well working out has really helped." he replied looking slimmer while rolling his sleeve up and showing some muscle. "The cold wind helps too, I'm so use to it I once went sledding in nothing but shorts."
"You remind me of that Santa from the Rise of the Guardians." She pointed out. "But enough of that, come in and get yourself comfortable."
He took a seat on the fur rug while Krampus sat down as well.
"So what's to occasion? Did the elves go on strike again?"
"Not since the 1700's." he remarked while looking at the ceiling. "I came by to tell you that, I'm thinking about changing things up at the north pole."
She blinked. "How so?"
"I've decided that I need someone besides tiny elves, toys, and talking reindeer. I'm gonna get me a wife."
"..." she blinked. "So you want a Mrs. Claus?"
"Bingo."
"So who's the lucky girl? Oh I know! It's the Tooth Fairy, is that right?"
"No, I haven't actually decided on who, just that it's time I settle down and get married."
"Really?"
"Yep."
She blinked while pondering the situation. "Mmmm, I wonder who would be perfect for you." She then got an idea. "How about Aphrodite?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"I wanna have a woman who won't go around and try to sleep with the next hot guy she sees, meaning no open marriage."
"Then I got nothing Nick." She shrugged. 'Wait….' "What about….me?"
"Huh?"
"You know, I'm sexy, been with you for ages, healed you when you were sick and other such things." She smirked. "So technically I'm wife material."
He blinked in surprise. "Wait, so you're offering to marry me?"
"If you want. I'm fine if you don't want me to." She shrugged with a lick of her lips. "But if you want to wait for decades and decades before finding someone else, go ahead."
Santa blinked while feeling like Krampus was semi right.
Krampus smirked a little. 'If he says yes then I'll be very surprised.'
"Well….you DO make a fair point, but I never pegged you as the type to get settled down."
"I may be a goddess of punishment but even I need a husband, and trust me Nick, I'm not going to go crazy looking for husbands."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm not a succubus."
'She's got me there.'
"But I am tempted to do something nice for you." She said while taking off her cloak and moved towards him. "So pucker up Nick."
He blushed at seeing her get up close to him while licking her lips. "What? You don't wanna wait till the ceremony?"
"What can I say, I'm naughty on occasion." She said with a grin.
He found himself on his back as her tail swished and leaned down near his lips. "I won't deny that my dear."
Chu~
She kissed him passionately while moving her tongue around his own.
(Omake)
Clop clop clop clop.
"Naughty boy, where are you?" Krampus said while looking around the large apartment building.
BANG!
"AH!" she cried out getting knocked back and held her stomach while a man in boxers stood there with a shotgun.
"Ha! I got you now Krampus!" He grinned. "You won't take me to hell you demon!"
"Ugh…" she groaned while feeling a painful sensation in her left leg.
"You took my cousin last year, well this time I came prepared!"
Krampus groaned again while the barrel of the gun pushed against the back of her head.
Click.
"Now I'll end you at last you monster."
"Ho ho ho!"
The man turned around and saw Santa Claus coming down the chimney. "Huh? But it's not Christmas…..wait. You must be here to help me kill Krampus."
"Well I'll be this sure is the scene." he remarked with a smile while Krampus glared at the man. "Isn't that the new shotgun you bought last month Rogers?"
"Oh yes it is, want to look?" He asked with a grin.
"No thanks, I actually came here for a naughty person." he pulled out a mistletoe and tied it to the ceiling and stood back. "That should help liven things up. Now, what were you gonna do with that gun?"
"I was about to execute the demon, cut off its skin and sell it to the Smithsonian."
Santa tapped his chin. "Hmm, interesting. Well before you do, I should be giving you an early present."
Roger blinked as Krampus growled in rage. "Sure thing Santa."
"Well then here you go. One little soul kiss from my boot up your ass!" he frowned before swinging up and slammed his boot into the man's ass before punching him in the jaw.
"AHH!" He cried out in pain. "S-Santa? What are you doing?!"
"Kicking the ass of the son of a bitch who shot my wife that's what!" he growled before knocking the guy against the fireplace and started to punch his face again and again. "Think you can shoot my wife on her night? Well guess again douchebag!"
"Gah, gah, gah!" He cried out while his face started to bleed out.
Santa then grabbed him and threw him towards the wall before pulling out a long bishop's staff with a hook attached to the tip and cried out a battle cry.
Krampus stood up and smirked while Roger found himself bleeding out over the wall and floor while pleading for mercy.
"Please, don't hurt me." He begged before getting grabbed and was hooked to the end of the staff. "Gah!"
"Have a ho ho ho day you bastard!" He growled before throwing him towards a wall, breaking the guy's head a little bit. "And happy new year."
He groaned while trying to get away, only for some chains to tie him up.
"Going somewhere naughty boy?" Krampus asked with a dark tone.
"Ah! No please god no! Please!"
Santa moved towards Roger while grabbing the discarded shotgun from the floor.
Click.
"See you in hell you naughty bastard."
"AHHHH!"
BANG!
Roger's face was blown off as the body slumped to the ground.
"Ho ho ho, boy, who knew I could be THAT brutal. I surprise myself sometimes."
"It was ok." Krampus said while pulling her hood down. "But you should've shot his balls off first."
"It's was the spur of the moment." he crossed his arms. "I might be nice, but no one's gonna go off and shoot MY wife, naughty or nice."
She chuckled while giving him a kiss. "I like that about you, stern yet fair." She then grinned. "So want to help me clean the body up?"
"Well obviously, I've got some stuff that should get the blood out of the carpets in no time."
Krampus chuckled before saying. "Maybe semen as well." She then winked at him.
He blushed and coughed. "Uh, maybe hold off on that until after we get back to the north pole."
"Fine." She huffed. "But I'm going to be using the chains when we get to the bedroom."
'Oh that's going to be fun.' he thought with a dreaded feeling.
'Oh I'm going to enjoy making Nick dry as a chestnut.' Krampus thought with a grin.