Crazy trouble with love part 6

Ishtar and Archer

Series: Fate Stay

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It was a cold winter night as we find ourselves in a college dorm room with picture of blond girls with swords, a red head with a pair of daggers and a girl with black pigtails with magic energy circles near the hands around the room.

The one who lived there had short silver hair with tanned skin, gray eyes, and wore a red shirt that showed his firm physique and gray pants while he was watching some tv with some ramen cups around him.

This man was Emiya Shirou, a very talented history major that lived alone in his dorm room and didn't have much friends due to his gruff appearance. Nor girlfriends for that matter.

And right now, he was watching Mythbusters.

"And that's how it IS possible to drop a large safe filled with glass without any of them breaking. Next week we're gonna show you if it's possible for a wooden shelf to survive a burning house."

"That's a load of crap." Emiya muttered. "It has to be a hoax." he slurped up some noodles while hearing a loud thump from the wall. "Oh for the love of-Keep it down Shinji!"

But it wasn't happening as the noise increased instead of decreased.

He eye twitched at that. 'Damn it Shinji!' he got up and walked out of his apartment before going to the next door and gave a loud bang on it. "Open up!"

No response.

"Open up or I'll break the door down!"

Still no response.

The man sighed before kicking the door down with easy and walked in. "I warned him."

As he walked in he noticed that Shinji was in his underwear and using a towel as a cape. The guy was also crashing against the wall with a badly drawn picture of Shirou himself.

"Ha! Take that you villian!" He laughed. "No one shall stop the power of Shinji-Man!"

Emiya deadpanned before tapping his foot. "Shinji."

"Wah!" he screamed like a girl before falling off the bed and landed on his face.

"I told you to keep it down so I let myself in."

He groaned. "Get out of my room!"

"I was going to but," he pointed to the picture and then at Shinji as he took a picture from his phone. "I'm going to keep this for a while."

"Wait, no don't!"

"Don't worry I won't show your sister, she doesn't need this kinda picture." he replied turning and walking away. "By the way I'd call a locksmith to repair the door or else someone might break in."

'Y-You little!'

Emiya smirked before sending it to some of his contacts. 'I won't send this to your sister, but that doesn't mean I won't show this to the entire campus.'

(Back at the dorm room)

Emiya was bored since there was nothing really much going on at the moment. Especially when he felt a little lonely, something he wouldn't admit even if he was hanging from his toenails.

But he got an idea as he looked at his phone. 'Maybe a pizza might help with my boredom? Or at least prank them with some random area.'

He picked it up and input a number without looking.

Ring ring ring ring.

"Hello, Goddess Hotline." Spoke a voice from the other end. "How may I help you?"

"Huh? Wait, did I put in the wrong number?"

"Well? Are you in need of assistance?" The voice asked in annoyance.

"Well in a way yeah."

"Name your assistance in full and a representative will come over." The voice said.

"Alright, I'll play along. I could use someone who can keep me on my toes, keeps things interesting, and can manage on her own." he replied rolling his eyes. 'Feels like I'm on one of those dating sites.'

"Ok, I'll be right over." The voice said before the line went dead.

"Wait, what?" he looked at the phone confused.

The phone glowed a bright yellow as a hand extended from it and a figure appeared on the bed.

"That was a really tight squeeze." Spoke a woman with long wavy black hair, styled in flanking twintails tied with black ribbons, a large ass, with skimpy clothes covered in some places with crafted gold with a white bra like cloth, that made her B cup chest more apparent, with blue and gold around it with a single blue stocking on her right foot and a gold bracelet on her left, she had a necklace of gold with a ruby and two gold hoop earrings, her arms were the same scheme with her left having a blue glove that showed her fingers and palm and a gold band around her right arm, her eyes were pure red and her head was crowned with a pure gold crown with black and white stones. "I personally like the mirror summoning better."

Emiya dropped the phone and jumped back while staring at her with wide eyes.

"Hello." She waved. "I'm Ishtar, Mesopotamian goddess of fertility, love, sex, war and power."

"...how the hell are you in my apartment?!"

"Divine magic." She said while floating over to him. "And you wanted a goddess 'who can keep me on my toes, keeps things interesting, and can manage on her own', is that correct? If not the Goddess Hotline will have to take your memories as payment."

He blinked before running over and pulled out two knives from his drawer. "Stay back! I'm not gonna end up dead from some burglar."

She narrowed her eyes while summoning a massive bow with the same color scheme as her outfit. "How dare you! I'm a noble goddess not a common thief!"

"Well guess what lady, I ain't buying it. There's no way some random goddess is just gonna pop in here, especially at these apartments."

She frowned while taking aim. "I'm a goddess and you're this close to getting shot by Maanna, mortal brat."

He narrowed his eyes and grabbed the knives more. "Alright, then I'll stay right here, but as soon as you shoot that thing I'm not gonna hold anything back."

Ishtar narrowed her eyes before the weapon vanished. "Too much work, especially for one that called on me to grant your wish of a companion." 'And because I might get probation for killing a client.'

He blinked and stared at her. "Wait, how did you do that? Is that some kind of advanced magic trick?"

"No." She deadpanned. "It's just how goddesses summon weapons. By bringing them from their separate dimensions and rematerialise them in an instant."

Emiya let out a deep sigh and put the knives down. "Alright, I'm gonna low my disbelief and assume what you're saying is true. First off, a goddess hotline?"

"It was made by Tiamat, goddess of freshwater, to get in touch with humanity a little more." She said. "And for some, it's either power, immortality, wealth, or companionship."

"But all I did was dial in what I thought was the pizza number. How is it a good idea to make it some number literally anyone could put down and keep them from spilling the beans?"

"Actually you called 999-9699-0091. That's the hotline number."

"But again, if any human can call on a goddess, how do you keep them from spreading the word around and misusing it?"

She smirked while gripping her hand. "We take their memories for those that can't pay."

"And you just said my memories are payment? How does that work?"

"It's simple, if you act like an ass or abuse the system then we take your memories. As for the real payment." She moved over and whispered in his ear. "That's for the goddess to decide."

He blinked. "Wait, so….every goddess known to mankind is part of this?"

"Yep, even newly made ones." She smiled before looking around. "Kind of shabby, but it's better than a horse stable."

"Look, I'm gonna be frank with you, I'll just make it clear I said all that on accident and you don't need to stick around, sound fair?"

Ishtar glared at him. "Oh? So it was a trick? Oh ho ho ho." She cracked her neck loudly. "Looks like I have to take your memories and your sword for making false oath to a very powerful goddess of war."

"Hang on! I just explained to you I did all this on accident. And...oath? What oath? You make it sound like I signed a contract."

"You did." She said while producing a paper contract with his name on it. "When you called us and gave the agreements to the contract, you gave an oath to the Goddess Hotline and to me in extension. Meaning if you break it, let's just say you won't survive long in this world."

He groaned. "So I either lose my life and knives, or let you stick around? What if someone else calls and there isn't any other goddess available? What happens then?"

"They just get static. And I wasn't referring to your knives." She said pointing to his pants. "I was talking about your sword."

He jumped and covered his groin before running into the other room. "D-Don't just look at someone else's groin!"

"I've had dicks in my ass for centuries." She chuckled. "But," She appeared next to him. "Are you going to break your word or are you not mortal?"

"Ah!" he jumped before using a towel to hide himself with a blush. "Fine fine! I won't break it!"

She smiled before sitting on the toilet. "Good, now I'll be here and don't worry about humans seeming me. I'll just make the paperwork and alter their memories to see only a cute girl instead of a goddess. Oh and that thing is kind of larger than the ones I had in my ass in Babylon."

"Gah!" he groaned before ducking in the other room again. "Stop gawking at it! The least you could do is make some normal clothes appear instead of...those."

Ishtar appeared behind him. "I'm a goddess of fertility, love, sex, war and power not a goddess of fashion. So I can't make clothes appear out of nowhere mister large cock."

"It's Emiya." he growled at her. "Emiya Shirou, at least that's my birth name."

"Cute name." She said casually. "But how about Emiya the cocky human? That had a nice ring to it."

"No way, I already have a nickname." He narrowed his eyes.

"What's that then?" She asked with a slight tease in her tone.

"Archer."

"...that's kind of a dumb nickname."

"I got it when I beat everyone in my archery club and became captain." he deadpanned. "I took to it and figured 'hey, why not?' and decided it was better than my original name."

She raised an eyebrow at that. "Emiya sounds nicer."

"Yeah well, just call me Archer or I'll give you a silly nickname."

"Like what?"

"Booty goddess."

She blushed and grabbed his cheeks hard. "Why you little brat!"

"Ah! Hey if you're gonna stay here then I might as well treat you like a regular person!" he got out from the pinching.

She huffed and floated to the bed. "Fine Emiya, but right now I require you to entertain me. Maybe some of this 'tv' the goddesses keep talking about."

"You mean that?" he casually pointed to it. 'How did she not see it?'

"Oh that." She said while snapping her fingers and caused the tv to activate. "Mmm, Mythbusters. What an odd title."

He let out a sigh and sat on his bed. "Try not to watch too much, I gotta take some classes tomorrow."

"Alright." She said while putting a hand on his own.

"Um….what are you doing?"

"Being nice, is that a problem?" She asked with a frown.

"I mean why are you putting your hand on mine?"

Ishtar blushed while moving her hand away. "D-Don't read into this Emiya!"

He blinked at that while just putting it off in the back of his mind.

(Next morning)

Archer sighed while he walked to his next class while annoyed, since Ishtar was watching tv all night long. Which made it hard for him to sleep, but thankfully she was taking some time to rest which meant he didn't need to deal with her when he went out.

As he walked into the class, he noticed that there was someone other than him in the room.

"Hello Emiya." Spoke Ishtar while wearing a long red jacket, a white polo neck jumper, a black mini skirt and long leather boots. On her arms were her gold bracelets which were now smaller and looked like something from an antique shop. "Fancy meeting you here."

"What the heck are you doing here?" he asked looking around. "You were suppose to stay at home."

"Did you forget that I would make the paperwork?" She chuckled. "Oh and here, call me Rin Tohsaka, can't have people talk about a girl name Ishtar you know."

"So you're gonna follow me and go to school at the same time? Just how long does this whole companion thing last? You never told me that."

"Till you die." She said with a smile. "And don't worry, my sister Ereshkigal won't drag you down there. Not until the contract is done that is."

He went wide eyed and dropped his bag just as others entered the room. "Say what?!"

She smiled at that while internally chuckling. 'He's a fun mortal to play with.' "Oh nothing, but I don't mind that you started using whips during our sessions."

That got the students talking to one another in shock.

"Woah, I didn't think he was that kinda guy."

"Are you kidding? With how much he keeps to himself it's no wonder he'd be into something like that."

"Maybe he uses candles?"

"No way, he uses chains."

Archer mentality growled while glaring at Ishtar. 'I'll get you for that!'

"So want to use rope next time Archer dear?" She asked with a wink.

He just glared at her before taking his seat as the teacher came in.

"Settle down class."

They got to their seats as Ishtar sat next to Archer.

'Figures she'd be right next to me.' He thought while 'Rin' moved her hand around his thigh.

'I'm going to enjoy this more than tempting that bastard Gilgamesh.'

(Later)

'Why can't she move her hand away! It's like she's wanting me to drop my pants in front of everyone!' He thought as Ishtar kept on moving her hand on the spot.

She smirked while making sure not to draw attention to her actions. She kept on moving lower and lower until she made it to his butt.

He jumped before taking a paper from his notebook, crumpled it up, and threw it at her.

She frowned at that before throwing it back at him, hard.

'Oh it's on.' he threw it back and ducked when she threw it back.

Only to hit Shinji in the eye.

"Ow!"

"Quiet." The teacher frowned.

"But-"

"Quiet Shinji or I'll kick you out of the class."

He shut up while Archer got an idea and aimed his pen properly before tossing it as it landed in 'Rin's' shirt.

"Hey." She whispered. "What was that for?"

"For copping a feel of my butt."

"By putting a pen in between my chest?" She frowned. "That's low even for a mortal."

He blushed hearing that.

"Now take it out."

"We're in the middle of class, you do." he whispered back.

"You did it so just pull it out quickly." She whispered in annoyance. "Or are you just a pervert?"

"That makes no sense." He frowned before getting an idea. "Hey teach. Shinji here threw a pencil in this girl's chest and told me to pull it out."

"Wait what-"

"Shinji, get out of my class. NOW!" The teacher yelled.

"But I didn't do anything!"

"Now!"

He grumbled as he got up and left the room.

"How devious of you Emiya." She whispered. "But I still need you get it out of my cleavage."

He groaned. "Just wait till after class."

She huffed. "Alright, but you owe me big time."

'Says the girl who was feeling me up the entire time.'

(Later)

-Dorm room-

Ishtar floated next to him while wearing her usual clothes. "I want a back rub."

"Can't, need to study."

She frowned. "I command you to give me a back rub!"

"No."

She huffed angrily at that before saying. "Then I'll go ask that Shinji person, and who knows, he might get permission to rub my ass." 'Like hell I would but if he won't give me a back rub, I'll make him do it.'

He raised an eyebrow. "You sure? You'd let Shinji, SHINJI, rub your back and even let him cop a feel." he smirked and shrugged. "Alright, go ahead."

She frowned before grabbing the book from his desk and threw it out the window. 'Stupid human.'

"Hey! I need that to study!" he frowned.

"Now you don't." She huffed. "So give me a back rub and I MIGHT get that book back for you."

"I thought you wanted Shinji to fondle you all over?" he threw back.

"That was to make you get mad and be protective!" She growled. "Even I have standards and that guy is a worm to me!"

"We just met yesterday." he deadpanned. "And you're literally a goddess who can make things appear and disappear, and you need ME to be protective?"

"Humans are protective to their gods." She pointed out. "That is the way of the world, we provide and you protect."

"How is chucking my notebook out the window providing me with anything?"

"Time to give me a back rub."

He deadpanned before walking out of the room.

"Hey come back here Emiya!"

He laid down on his bed as she frowned. "Nah, I guess I'll just lay here and let the time go on by. Without that book I'll flunk and lose my position at school, then I won't be able to stay since I'll fail at getting a high paying job and wind up homeless."

Ishtar groaned before a ball of light appeared over his head and the book landed on him.

"Ow!"

"There." She huffed with a lightly blush. "Just don't expect that free assistance from me next time."

"Gee, who knew you could be gullible." he smirked sitting up. "Gotcha."

"Wait what?!"

"You really think I was gonna give up like that? I could have just bought a new one if I had to, I just wanted to see if you'd get tricked. Plus you can consider that payback for you straight up rubbing me all throughout class."

Ishtar shook in rage before grabbing him and punched him hard on the head before changing into her 'Rin' clothes. "I'm going out you bastard! Don't wait up!"

"Ow!" he hissed while seeing her stamp out. "Geez, apparently she doesn't have a funny bone."

(A few weeks later)

-12:00am-

Archer snored a little while sleeping on his bed, not realizing that Ishtar was floating towards him with shaving cream in her hands and a basin of hot water.

'This is payback Emiya for not only that trick but putting a snake in my pants!' She thought while recalling that rubber snake that caused her to nearly blow her cover in the cafeteria. And caused some boys to see her black panties too. 'Now it's time for divine retribution!'

Archer snored louder while she got a dark grin on her face.

She slowly put the shaving cream on his face and left arm while putting the other hand in the basin.

He snored while slowly causing the sheets to get drenched.

'He he.' She thought before floating off and disappeared.

(Next morning)

"ISHTAR!"

She snickered a little while floating above him. "Yes mister old man wetter?"

"What the hell did you do to me?!"

"Oh? Nothing." She said with a chuckle. "But I do know that you're too old to be a bedwetter Emiya."

He growled in anger. "You're gonna get it this time!"

"How?" She laughed while floating away. "If you don't know, you can't float Emiya."

He growled before seeing her go to the bathroom and felt an idea click.

(Later)

Archer was reading a magazine while Ishtar walked to the bathroom in nothing but a towel.

"I'm going to bathe." She said to him. "Don't follow or I might have to shoot you in the ass."

"Whatever." he waved off with his grin hidden behind the book.

She walked in and closed the door while snapping her hands as the water turned on. 'Peace at last.'

'Wonder how she likes the new shampoo I switched out. I'm sure she won't mind the extra honey smell to it, but I don't think it's gonna be easy to get out of her hair.'

(A few minutes later)

'Huh? She's supposed to be screaming right now.' He thought while hearing nothing at all.

The door opened as Ishtar held up a bottle of shampoo and another bottle labeled 'Aphrodite Extract' in the other hand.

"Did you think I didn't know what you were doing?" She frowned. "I only use Aphrodite Extract not mortal shampoos."

"I don't know what you mean."

She opened the other shampoo and emptied the contents on his head. "Next time, don't go using honey. It's not a good idea for a fertility goddess to have." She then walked off in a huff.

Archer felt the honey drip down his face while feeling like he got had. 'Alright, she wants to play it like that? You just made things easier for me.'

(Some time later)

Ishtar yawned while sleeping on Archer's bed with a pillow as her only companion at the moment. But what she didn't notice was Archer walking over with a red bottle. "Zzzzz….oh yes sister...I'll give you a hug….zzzzz."

He smirked while moving closer and closer to the sleeping goddess with a evil expression on his face.

"Zzzz."

(Later)

Archer smiled while eating some breakfast. '3...2...1…'

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Ishtar screamed as some glass shattered on contact.

"Good morning." he called out turning to see the goddess looking entirely red, literally. 'A whole bottle of that stuff was just right.' "Sleep well?"

"Why is my body red?!" She growled in rage while causing her bow to appear. "Tell me now or I'm going to shoot you into the underworld!"

"I don't know, I figured that was just how you naturally are when pissed off."

She growled before blinking as she dematerialized the weapon and snapped her fingers, making her body return to normal. "I'm such a fool, I forgot goddesses can change their forms so my bad Emiya." 'Still going to get you for this.'

'Damn it!' he put his fork down and wiped his mouth. "Well I'll go on ahead for school, you can follow when you're ready."

"Mmmm, I'm ok. I have something to do today so you're free of me for the morning."

"If you insist." He said while getting up and walked out of the room.

"He he he."

(Later that day)

Archer yawned as he got back to the dorm and opened the door. Only to hit a large jello wall that was covering the entire room.

"Hey Emiya." Ishtar said while appearing next to him. "Like my homemade jello?"

"What the-why did you make this much of it?!"

"So you can eat it." She chuckled. "Plus I thought I'd thank you for that honey stunt you gave me a while back."

"How does that count if none of it actually got on you? This stuff is taking up too much space!"

"So? Just eat it."

He frowned at her smirk before taking a handful and sniffed. "It's not poisoned right?"

"I'm not a death goddess, just eat it you big baby."

He glared before taking a bite and started chewing. Only to faint instantly.

"Ha ha!" She laughed while the jello wall vanished. "My knockout jello worked!" She looked around before dragging him inside. 'Time to mess with him.'

(A few minutes later)

Archer groaned while feeling a draft, and his arms and legs were stuck on something. He opened his eyes and noticed he was bound in rope and only in his underwear.

"Hey Emiya." Ishtar said while sitting next to him. "Get any good dreams?"

"Wah!" he jumped and looked around. "What the...I knew it! You put something in that stuff!"

"Yep, knockout gas in jello form." She giggled evilly. "And now I can do what I should've done this morning."

"What?"

She made some lotion appear while opening it up as a box of feathers appeared on the ground. "Butter you up and make you a fine feathered friend, mister Emiya Cluckers."

"Oh you better hope I don't get these ropes off." he glared. "When I do you're gonna REALLY get it."

She chuckled. "And how are you going to do that?" She moved the lotion over his body. "Especially when you can't even stop yourself from covering your sword."

He blushed beat red feeling the lotion before his hand trailed around the side and found his knife. He quickly flipped it out and cut the rope off before doing the same to his other limbs and threw the feathers at her face before bolting out of the apartment.

"Cack! Emiya!" She yelled in anger. "I'll get you for that! Mark my words!"

(Later)

Ishtar was eating breakfast while wondering where Archer went since he never came back last night. While normally she was ok with it, she felt a little lonely without him. 'Where are you?' She then started recalling her time with Gilgamesh and groaned. 'Ugh please don't let this be a repeat of that incident.'

Knock knock.

She blinked while changing to her 'Rin' clothes and walked towards the door. "Who is it?"

"Who else?"

"Shinji?" She asked in annoyance.

"Just open up, I forgot my spare key since I didn't have any pants on. Wonder who to blame for THAT."

She sighed while changing her clothes back and opened it. "Emiya, where have you been?!"

"I managed to find a nice treehouse to snooze in for the night." he replied dryly walking inside. "I wasn't gonna come back till I knew I didn't need to worry about becoming a giant chicken."

"I stopped thinking about it after the first ten hours." She said. "And I was worried sick about you, and a treehouse?! Are you a fool?! That's not even remotely comfortable!"

"Look, right now I just wanna get cleaned up and eat before we get to school."

Ishtar frowned before grabbing his arm. "Promise me you won't make me worry like that EVER again. Got it Emiya!"

He rolled his eyes with a groan. "Only if you promise to give me some privacy when I get changed."

She looked at him with a nod.

"Then fine, I promise I won't make you worry like that again."

She smiled a little as she let go of him. "Good, because if you got hurt then I would've been on a rampage with the bull of heaven."

He rolled his eyes while walking off.

(Later)

Ishtar and Archer were walking to school with the goddess unaware of a small bottle he held behind her while spraying around the air before quickly putting it back into his pocket with a hidden grin.

"Hey Emiya, do you want me to cook tonight's dinner?"

"Sure, in fact, what say we have some breakfast for dinner? I heard some people in the USA do that from time to time to mix things up."

"Um, I'm not sure if that's a good idea. We might get mixed up a little if we tried that."

"Arf arf!"

They turned and saw a small dog run over near Ishtar with its tail wagging.

"Um hello?" Ishtar said while looking confused. 'Huh? Why is this dog here?'

"Arf arf arf."

"Looks like you found a friend, try petting him."

"Sorry but lions are my symbols, not...dogs." She said while some cats walked towards her. 'Huh?'

"Mew."

"Mew."

"Meow."

"Not lions, but they're still cats."

She groaned before a few pit bulls appeared along with a large eagle. 'What's going on?!'

One of the dogs started tlicking at her leg followed by the cats.

"H-Hey! Stop that!"

"What's wrong? Scared?"

"No! I just don't like how they are acting towards me!"

The eagle flew and landed on her shoulder before pecking at her while one of the pit bulls gave her leg a nip.

Ishtar jumped before running away. "Ahhh!" 'Not fun at all! I'll get you for this Artemis!'

Archer watched as the animals chased after her while slowly smirking. 'Pay back.'

(Later)

Ishtar groaned while covered in scratches and bite marks. "Ow."

"So, I take it your furry friends were hungry?"

"Just stop Emiya." She said while laying on the bed. "I don't feel in the best mood for jokes."

"Now you know how I felt with the lotion." he muttered.

She turned around and looked at Archer. "Emiya, give me a backrub."

"Why not conjure up some lions to do that?" he teased. "Or maybe some of the alley cats would like to help, they sure seemed hungry when you came back."

She groaned. "I'm not in the mood, especially after I got attacked by fifty eagles, ten greyhounds AND one hundred and one giant hornets!"

"Well how about this, promise we can stop with all the pranks and I won't have to put you through another day like this."

"...fine." She groaned. "Just give me a backrub and some of this pizza and I'll relent." 'Until you try anything that is.'

"Sure thing Ishy." he replied grabbing the phone.

"It's Ishtar or Rin." She deadpanned. "And um...maybe we can have a friendly date? I mean it's just so we try bonding better, not because I'm bored or anything."

He looked at her in surprise before shaking his head. "Just lay on your stomach so I can rub your back."

She nodded before laying on her toned stomach. "Just be careful I'm sensitive."

"You make it sound like I'm gonna knead you around like dough."

"Well it's just a condition." She huffed. "So go on Emiya, give me a good rub." 'Like he could, my mother gives better.'

He started to rub across her back while rolling his eyes. "You ever considered toning down on the all 'mightier than thou' act?"

"When you treat me with respect. Or slay a giant and or rule the world."

'Figures.'

"Anyway, you are doing well." She said while Archer just rolled his eyes. "But it's adequate at best."

"Well I'm not going to school to be a masseuse so I'm no expert."

She shrugged before squeaking a little. 'That felt good, but why my sides?!'

"Huh? Did you just squeak?"

"No." She lied.

He raised an eyebrow and gave her sides a squeeze.

"Eep." She squeaked while biting her lip.

"I knew it, your sides are your weak point." he smirked.

"N-No it's not!" She blushed while squeaking again. "Eep!"

'It sounds adorable.' he thought as he started to tickle her sides.

She snickered before out right laughing like crazy. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

'Hello blackmail.'

"S-Stop! I command it AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Sorry, you gotta tell me with a clear sentence."

"S-Stop AHAHAHA!" She laughed while some gems appeared from her tears of joy.

He looked at them and kept tickling her before picking the jewels up. "Wait, you can make jewelry just by crying?"

"Y-Yes!" She laughed as more gems appeared. "AHAHAHA! Oh gods! Stop Archer!"

He moved his hand away as she panted and held the gems up to his face. "Wow, how much would these cost? They look flawless."

"Ah….Ah….Ah….." She panted while still crying gems. 'I'll get you for that!'

Archer picked them up while seeing each was like the same. 'I know she's a goddess but damn! She keeps this up and we're set for life.'

Ishtar glared at him. "Emiya!"

"What? I'm busy thinking about how we can get a big house in the Bahamas."

"You are going to pay for that!" She growled in anger.

"Why is it you can get mad when I get payback but if you do it I'm in the wrong?" he raised an eyebrow. "If you say because you're a goddess I'm gonna call bull."

"..." she looked away. "Because I don't like it. I mean no one did this before when I was a child and when I was a newly made goddess many ages ago."

"So you never once had some other guy give you a massage and who never accidentally touched your sides?"

"No. Not that." She sighed. "Look, I was a pampered child and no mortal in my day would act like you did. But….yes, in a sense, no man touched me like this unless it's an ass fucking."

Archer blushed lightly hearing that and groaned. "So you're just a brat that never let anyone that didn't...ass fuck you touch your sides?"

"Yes." Ishtar said with a nod. "That's completely true Emiya."

"Well the pampered part is spot on Ishy."

"Don't call me that!" She blushed. "It's unfit for a goddess."

"I'll stop calling you that if you actually stop calling me by Emiya and just call me Archer."

She huffed while a loud knock was heard.

"Pizza."

Ishtar blinked before appearing next to the door and changed into her 'Rin' clothing before opening the door. "Hello….wait? Shinji?"

"Rin?" he went wide eyed while Archer walked over. "Wait, this is Archer's place!"

"Since when did you have a job?" drawled the dark skinned man with boredom.

"Just last week, but why is SHE in your room?!"

"I'm his roommate." Ishtar said. "And are you going to give us the pizza or do I have to let Archer here take it from you by force?"

He gulped. "Um here you go, one large cheese pizza. That'll be $23.50."

She gave him a gem that was on the ground. "Will this suffice?"

His eyes widened as Ishtar took the pizza and gaped while Archer shut the door.

"By the way." She said to Archer. "Gems that are made for no reason are fake, the ones that I cried from, THOSE are real."

He raised an eyebrow. "So if you laugh sarcastically they are fake and the ones that are sincere are real?"

She nodded.

"You're weird."

She huffed at that. "Let's just eat the pizza."

(Later)

Archer was jotting down some notes while Ishtar was getting ready for a shower.

"Hey, I'm getting ready to bathe. Did you do anything to the shower while I wasn't looking?" She asked cautiously.

"No, I told you we'd stop, remember?"

"Just making sure." She said while walking into the shower.

He looked up before getting a sneaky idea and got up before listening and heard the faucet turn. He grabbed his shirt and started taking it off while Ishtar started lathering her hair.

'I really need this.' She thought with a sigh while finally relaxing after a long day of following her client around. 'Especially after that gods awful gym class.'

What she didn't notice was the door opening or the curtain moving aside before feeling a hand on her shoulder.

"Mind if I join?"

She jumped at turned around. "W-What are you doing here Emiya?!"

"What? If you're a goddess of sex and fertility I figured you wouldn't mind seeing a little skin of me." he replied with a smirk and arms crossed. "Is someone getting flustered?"

"I-I didn't give you permission! Now get out!" She blushed while hitting him lightly on the chest.

"Well I didn't give you permission to grope my ass, now did I?"

"That was a long time ago!" She yelled while looking redder than her eyes. "Now get out!"

Archer shook his head no. "Nope, if you can deal with sex and other stuff back in ancient time, this shouldn't be a problem. Besides, I'm just here to help you get all clean, nothing else."

She blushed while looking away. "F-Fine, but if you do anything else I'll kick you so hard your sword will fall off!"

He shivered at that. "Deal."

Ishtar moved back and gave him the soap. "Then go on Emiya, wash your goddess."

"Once you call me by my real name Ishy."

"..." she sighed. "Ok….Archer." 'Ugh, just stomach it.'

"That's better." He said before whispering into her ear. "My goddess." 'She's going to get flustered.'

She blushed red while looking like a ruby in skin color.

'Wow, she acts like some shy recluse in high school instead of some ancient powerful goddess.'

'Damn him...I didn't get my guard up!'

(Later)

Ishtar kept on blushed while laying on her side on the bed. 'Why can't I stop blushing?!'

""I'm gonna head out for a walk, you gonna be ok while I'm gone?"

"Yes, you go ahead." She said while looking at the wall.

He stepped out and chuckled to himself. "I should get a photo of that next time."

As he left, Ishtar felt very flustered and looked ready to scream into a pillow. 'Ah! Why me?! Ugh it's so much like Gilgamesh all over again!'

(Later)

Archer walked back into the dorm, but he stopped towards the door as he heard something.

"Damn it Archer!" Ishtar yelled. "Damn it damn it damn it! Why did you have to act like Gilgamesh?!"

'What's her deal?' He thought before hearing a familiar thumping sound. 'Wait is that the mattress?!'

"Damn you! Just why can't you just stop and be like a real servant." She moaned. "It's not fair! It's not fair at all that I'm like this!" 'All horny and in love again!'

He slowly opened the door and peeked inside. Inside was Ishtar masturbating with her own hands while naked on the bed.

"Archer, you damn bastard."

His jaw dropped while he accidentally leaned on the door causing it to open up wider.

Ishtar moaned one last time as she came on the bed. Only to see Archer and turned a bright red. "E-Emiya?!" 'AHHH!'

"I-Ishtar?!"

"Get out!" She yelled while covering herself up with her hands. "Get out you pervert!"

He covered his eyes and walked in before fumbling as he shut the door. "I'm not going anywhere, especially since you're the one touching yourself over me."

She blushed red. "J-Just get out!"

He moved closer while still covering her eyes. "No, just tell me now."

"...um…." she looked away. "Um…."

"You mentioned some guy named Gilgamesh, what did you mean?"

She sighed. "He was a demigod, the first one, that was a king and….my first crush." She blushed red. "But he rejected me and I got so mad that I made my father bring down the bull of heaven on his lands that lasted seven long years and when he killed it with his friend Enkidu, I ended him." She looked down. "After that, I stopped falling for mortals, and when the Goddess Hotline was established I was forced to become a part of it because of my lack of work status. But to the point, until now…."

"You didn't fall in love?"

She nodded while looking at her feet.

"Except for me, right?"

Ishtar nodded. "It just happened."

'Holy...shit.' He thought while looking at the naked goddess.

"I'll...I'll just leave now." She said with a blush. "And tell the Goddess Hotline that you need an immediate memory extraction and deletion." 'Along with me.'

"Woah woah woah!" he held his hands up while looking away. "No need to go that far."

"But….." She said. "I can't stay knowing that another Gilgamesh incident will happen if we stay together."

"And by that you mean if I don't love you, right?"

Ishtar looked away as Archer walked towards her. "I know that I'm not good with love, plus you might have a lover anyway….so why need me as an eternal companion?" She started crying gems. "Or a unlucky goddess like me?"

"You know for a goddess, you sure are dramatic." he replied dryly while poking her on the forehead. "Who said I wanted you to leave?"

She blinked. "H-Huh? You….don't mean that right?"

"You're the one jumping the gun thinking I want you to leave." he deadpanned. "You never even asked or let me get a word in edgewise."

"..." she looked up. "But what about….the love portion? I know you don't like a pampered brat like me."

"I admit, it does get annoying, like a lot." he remarked drly. "But it's who you are, something I can't just snap my fingers and change. Just like how I can come off as blunt and a bit harsh at times."

Ishtar looked at him in confusion. "Huh? But you mean….that you…."

"I like you."

She blushed red while some gems dropped on the bed.

"Plus it's good to have you around, especially come the day the rent's due." he idly remarked.

She lightly glared. "Not funny….Archer."

"Hey you finally got my name right." he smirked. "Congrats."

"Oh go blow a whale." She muttered with a blush.

"Besides, if you stick around I can do this." he moved his hand out and poked her side.

"Eep!" She squeaked. "Archer!"

"What? I didn't do anything." another poke.

"Eep!" She blushed.

Poke!

"Stop!"

"Make me." he chuckled.

Ishtar grabbed him before pulling him on the bed and straddled him. "Oh I'll make you, you wanna do that to a goddess? Then I'll show you how I gained my title of sex and fertility."

He blinked. "Sure."

She blushed again. "Then get ready to get your vitality drained!"

The camera panned away with the sound of thumping and the sight of the apartment shaking being seen.

Shinji groaned. 'Damn mice! I'm trying to fucking sleep!' He hugged a pillow with his sisters face on it tighter. 'Why can't I just get a girlfriend!'