A/N: My apologies for the delay in updating. This chapter is longer than originally planned, so hopefully that helps make up for making you all wait.
Just so you all can mentally prepare yourselves, this fic will switch back between POVs every other chapter from Kylo Ren/Ben Solo to Rey.
***
Rey collapsed gratefully in the Falcon's pilot chair. Every fiber in her being urged her to curl up against the faded leather of the seat, close her eyes, and drift into a dreamless sleep.
The past few weeks had drained her in more ways than she had formerly believed possible. Adrenaline had kept her physical body from succumbing to exhaustion; faith in her friends had fortified her mental resolve, gently pulling her further into their enthusiastic atmosphere.
Her emotions had taken the brunt of the damage, however. In the span of a few short days, almost every hope she so tightly clung to had been shattered, leaving her emotions frayed and untethered.
She had been so sure that all she required was a bit of training in the ways of the Force, then she and the Resistance would topple the First Order once and for all.
She had been positive that her parents had abandoned her in order to protect her - they had seen no other way to save her from the evil chasing them so they left her alone on Jakku, planning to return as soon as they could. Barring their return, she had known, deep in her bones that she would find her parents while helping the Resistance.
Tears streaming down their faces, they would gaze on their daughter with adoration before rushing to embrace her in a hug that would never be broken. Her father would pull her close, smelling of sweat and leather from long days staring up at the sky waiting for his daughter to find her way home, and would whisper "I'm proud of you; I love you" over and over until she never forgot. Her mother's hands would be soft and warm, her smile bright and carefree. As their embrace lingered, Rey would know that she had followed the right path in joining the Resistance, in training in the ways of the Force. Her mother and father were proud of her. They loved her.
That hope had been sucked into the cold and unforgiving vacuum of space.
Horror had gripped her heart, squeezing every drop of hope unrelentlessly from her mind when Kylo Ren had smashed her dreams of a happy family. He hadn't intended the words to be cruel and cut her heart to shreds, she had seen that by the pained expression on his face as he spoke, but still the truth slashed her apart like the blade of a lightsaber.
Sighing heavily, Rey pulled herself up from the pilot's chair. Dwelling on her latest confrontation with her supposed-enemy would only rip her emotions open further. For a few brief, bright days, she had allowed herself to be fooled into believing that Ben Solo existed somewhere, locked away in the swirling void of bitterness and anger that was Kylo Ren. Now, she was confronted with the ugly realization that the final shreds of Ben Solo had died right before her eyes as she rejected his offer of ruling the galaxy in favor of saving her friends.
I did not kill him, she chided herself. I stuck to my values and chose my friends and the vows I made to them and to the Resistance over a man who clearly has no desire to be redeemed.
Yet, even as she thought the words, her mind spun in confusion over which parts of the moments she shared with her general's son had been real and which had been manufactured by Snoke. Was Ben trying to push his way back, or were all of his words funneled through the mask of Kylo Ren? Was I being played?
Is there any hope left at all for Ben?
As the mentions of his name in her thoughts became more prominent, Rey felt the tap on the edge of her consciousness grow steadily stronger as Kylo Ren tried to pry open their Force connection and gain access to her.
Rey grasped the control panel in front of her to steady herself and breathed in deeply, grounding herself. Drawing upon the Light side of the Force, along with her characteristic stubbornness, Rey tried her best to remember the meditation practices Luke Skywalker had taught her during their brief time together. She had no intention of allowing her connection with Kylo Ren to open. Not today, not ever.
"You cannot run from me." Rey shivered involuntarily as the cold, mocking voice slid through the cracks in her mental defenses. The voice hadn't sounded like Kylo Ren, though she reminded herself that there was no one else the voice could have belonged to - even if other Force-sensitive people were in reach of her, they would be unable to breach her connection with Kylo Ren.
Gasping softly, Rey's meditation focus crumbled as hundreds of small, sharp pains dug into her mind like knives. Gritting her teeth, her fingers curled tighter against the control panel as she pushed back against the Force connection, trying desperately to replicate her actions when she had left Crait.
Agony swept across her consciousness, almost forcing her to her knees. "Peace is a lie…" A chill passed over her spine as the haunting voice whispered those words over and over.
"Peace is a lie…"
The crack in her mind widened. The pain grew in intensity. I can't fight this, Rey thought with despair.
Anxiety gripped her heart tightly, freezing out all thoughts of escape. "You have given me nothing but failure."
Darkness creeped in around her consciousness from all sides, locking her in her mind. Is this how I die? Trapped in a Force connection and overwhelmed by the Dark Side?
Suddenly, the darkness was pulled back like air through a hole, recoiling from her mind and fading back through the now numerous cracks in her mental walls. "I'm sorry, Rey -" a soft voice, burdened with unhealed wounds and mind-numbing guilt whispered through the last remaining thread of the connection.
With what seemed to Rey an audible clang, the connection slammed shut.
Shaking, tears and sweat mingling together as they ran down her face, Rey collapsed back into the pilot's chair. What just happened?
***
Pulling her hair back into a ponytail, Rey strode quickly from the landing pad where the Falcon was docked - hidden mostly from sight due to the large, leafy trees obstructing the landing pad. Though the jungle planet of Dxun had not been anyone's first choice for the new hideout of the Resistance, days spent locked together in the small space of the Falcon had proven to be an even less popular choice.
Dxun was a far cry from the weather Rey had grown up with: Wet where Jakku was dry, hot and humid where Jakku had only the blistering sun, the worlds were two extreme temperatures and Rey found herself unsure how to handle Dxun's sticky heat. Her short time on Ahch-To had not been enough for her body to adjust to a world where sudden rain storms were simply a way of life.
Picking her way carefully through the dense vegetation and intermittently swatting at the dozens of bugs swarming her, Rey did her best to keep her thoughts from circling back to her bizarre and painful Force connection with Kylo Ren just hours ago. No, she sternly scolded herself as the seeds of concern that had been planted in her mind began to grow. I have more pressing matters to think about than the man who wants to murder me and all my friends.
To distract her mind as she trekked through the jungle's undergrowth, Rey allowed herself to pick up where she had left off the night before in counting the number of projects the Resistance still needed to accomplish in order to make their new base more secure. Since landing on Dxun three days prior, the Resistance had set up base within a series of caves. At first, Poe had suggested that they should make camp in a large, crumbling structure marked as being a relic from the Old Republic on their holomap. General Organa had taken one look at location and dismissed the idea, choosing instead the first few caverns in a labyrinth of caves.
Distantly, Rey wondered what the Old Republic had used the structure for and if the building had anything to do with the immense draw of the Force she had felt since stepping foot on Dxun's surface.
By the time Rey reached the entrance to the Resistance's base, the number of projects she had cataloged stretched well over two-dozen.
"Rey!" Startled from her thoughts, Rey glanced up to see Finn waving at her, a broad smile covering his face. "I was about to come looking for you - the meeting's about to start."
Falling in step beside Finn, Rey was content to let her friend lead the way through the caves to the one Poe had dubbed the "War Room."
I need to come up with a way to keep him out of my head; I might not be able to fight off...whatever that Darkness was again. She shuddered involuntarily as phantom pain echoed in her mind.
A gentle weight on her shoulder pulled her back to the present. "...Rey? You alright? You don't look so great -"
"I'm fine," she insisted, shooting her worried friend the flash of a smile as she scooted around him and into the "War Room" beyond. "Really, Finn, no need to worry about me."
Stepping into the cave, Rey's eyes scanned the room: General Organa and Poe, together with the majority of the remaining Resistance fighters, were huddled around the portable holomap from Crait that they had been able to load onto the Falcon. Placed on an uneven rock protruding from the middle of the cave floor, the holomap tilted at an awkward angle as it hovered above their heads.
General Organa glanced up, her eyes warming slightly when Finn and Rey walked into the room, "Ah, Rey, good to have you join us."
Rey nodded in response, wary of all of the people staring at her as she approached the holomap. It struck her then how little she knew about most of the remaining Resistance fighters. Outside of Finn and the General, she had just been introduced to Poe and Rose a few days prior and knew very little about anyone else in the room. You're here because you believe in the cause, she reminded herself stubbornly. Don't waste time thinking about what you might have had - it never would have worked with B-"
Far too many times that day to count, Rey had to forcibly reel in her thoughts. I wish I had put more training into learning meditation techniques on Ahch-To.
"Friends," General Organa began somberly, "we have suffered heavy losses these past few weeks. Everyone present has lost dear comrades or family members." Rey imagined she heard the General's voice waver for a briefest moment, no doubt thinking of her recently deceased brother. "Yet, in the midst of all this suffering there is hope."
General Organa paused, stopping to make eye contact with every person assembled, "Hope that we have not fought and bled and lost so much without bringing about some sort of change. We retain our belief that good people, no matter how few in number, can wage war against tyranny. For there is a hope that dwells in all of our hearts: That a better world will be built and all our sacrifices will not have been in vain. In light of this hope, I bring good news..."
Rey felt the world tip beneath her feet. A kaleidoscope of colors burst to life before her eyes.
Her rapidly clouding mind dimly caught onto the General's next words. "Since our escape from Crait, it seems that news of Rey's courageous battle with and defeat of the leader of the First Order has reignited the Resistance's spark. I have already heard from five of our allies' representatives who are willing to rejoin the cause and I expect to hear from more allies within a few days." At the explosion of applause and cheers, the General stopped, the small smile that spread across her face appeared to deage her and wipe away years of heartache. "The Resistance will rise again and all of our efforts will not be wasted. We will survive."
"It will all be in vain. There is nothing you can do." A cold chill swept across Rey's mind, tugging sharply on her Force connection with Kylo Ren.
Images that didn't belong to Rey flashed behind her eyes: A flash of green against bamboo walls; a young girl huddling in fear, bathed in shadows against the corner of an abandoned warehouse; a tall, raven-haired man - the voice in Rey's head whispered the word "friend" - pressing a cold, metal transponder into his hand, swearing unending loyalty.
Darkness reached into her mind, tendrils of bitterness and rage and fear wrapped themselves around her mind, pulling her away from reality in a sudden rush of dizziness.
***
Her lungs were on fire.
Specks of purple and blue light floated in front of her closed eyelids.
Pressure pushed against her from all sides; right, left, up, no matter which way she struggled the pressure shoved her further down into the watery abyss.
Water so cold it burned shoved its way into through her tightly closed lips and scalded her throat. Anxious for air, Rey struck out blindly with her arms and legs, all the while calling out mutely for the Force to lend her its strength in her desperate bid for freedom.
But to no avail. The more Rey strained and tried to reach the calming supply of power that normally rested within easy reach, the more she felt the Force pulling away from her, just barely out of grasp.
Tingles of numbness spread from the bottoms of her feet up to her chest. She was running out of air.
Panic overroad all logic. Struggling harder against the invisible pressure of the murky water, Rey tried forcing her way up to the surface. It felt like she was swimming in a bacta tank, moving but making no progress.
Darkness tinged her vision.
A sharp, slimy substance brushed against her right leg, it's razor sharp edges tearing into her skin. Legs going numb from the pressure and lack of air, Rey felt her eyes flutter closed as she gave in and let the water drag her down into its depths.
A strong, vice-like grip wrapped around her stomach, wrenching her from the shadow monster's clutches and pulling her steadily towards the surface.
As soon as her head broke through the surface of the water, Rey's eyes flew open. Water poured from her mouth as she coughed up the gallons she had swallowed.
Glancing around, Rey carefully surveyed her surroundings. She was in the middle of a lake the color of fresh mud. Far off to the west, she glimpsed the fuzzy outline of what appeared to be a rocky shore, too far away to swim to in her current state of exhaustion. To the east lay nothing but more of the murky water. Turning to the north, she breathed a sigh of relief to see another shoreline, this one only a few hundred feet away from her current position.
As she twisted her body around to look toward the south and gain full awareness of her environment, her senses caught up with her, jogging her memory and reminding her that something - a potentially dangerous something - had pulled her to the surface.
Or someone. "Ben," she gasped, feeling somehow more terrified and relaxed at the same time. The moment his name passed through her lips, he released his hold on her and floated a few feet away, as if she was somehow going to attack him when they were both stuck in the middle of a lake. Rey kept her gaze fixed on him, just as wary of him as he appeared to be of her.
"What are you doing here?" The weariness in his tone surprised her. He looked absolutely drained of energy: Dark circles had formed under his eyes, highlighting the surprise and paranoia evident in his frequent and calculating glances in her direction.
"I-I don't know," Rey admitted, her voice coming out strangely clear despite how rough her throat ought to have been after swallowing and coughing up copious amounts of water. "Are we in the same place?" She asked, staring at his equally wet hair and clothes.
"It would appear so," he replied tersely. "But how did you get here? You shouldn't be here."
"Trust me," she responded somewhat hotly, "I would rather be anywhere else." The same anger and disappointment that she had come to live with rose up within her; she found it was easier to direct those emotions toward the man in front of her rather than waste time sorting through them when she needed to appear strong in front of her friends.
"You shouldn't be here," he insisted. His dark eyes bore into her, pleading with her, though pleading about what she had no idea.
"You keep saying that." Feeling coming back into her legs, Rey moved her arms wildly to try and stay afloat.
Kylo Ren glanced at her quizzically, "What are you doing?"
"What does it look like?" She snapped, her patience wearing thin, "I'm trying not to drown."
"You're expelling too much energy," he noted calmly. "Did you never learn how to swim?"
"Swimming isn't exactly a priority when you grow up in the desert," she answered. Looking down at her rapidly moving limbs, Rey realized that he was right and that she would wear herself out if she continued moving around so much.
"You're struggling too much." The closeness of his voice had Rey pulling her attention from her predicament back the enemy who was now just out of arm's reach. "Move your arms and legs in small circles; you can wade water for a lot longer that way."
Hesitantly, Rey did as he suggested. At first, she worried that slowing her movements would result in her sinking back into the depths of the water, but as the minutes ticked by and she remained above the water's surface, she was relieved to find that her energy reserves diminished much slower than before. "If I wanted to kill you," he said, the barest hint of a smile pulling at his lips, "I would come up with more effective ways than having you drown yourself."
She huffed softly and lifted her eyes back up to meet his. "Is that supposed to be a comforting thought?"
"No," he replied, confusion coating his voice, "just stating a fact. Besides," he continued, ignoring the glare she threw his way, "this water isn't even real." At her shocked gasp, he elaborated, "If any of this was actually happening, you would have swallowed far too much water and would either be unconscious or dead right now."
"So, if this isn't real, then why are we in the middle of a lake?" Frustration bubbled within her again, "Did you put us here?"
"I didn't do this," he insisted, anger evident in his tone. Like the beginnings of a sandstorm, Rey felt his boiling emotions slam into her. Mind and body recoiling at the sudden change of emotional atmosphere, Rey floated back a few feet, subconsciously moving towards the small island she had noticed was to the south of her current location.
Thunder boomed across the sky far above them. Clouds swollen with rain blocked out the last remnants of the pale sun. As the first droplets began to fall, Rey felt a gentle tug on her injured leg.
Before she could react, the gentle tug turned into the unbreakable grasp of a being much stronger than herself. Panicked thoughts of being pulled under the water again had her struggling with everything she had, trying with all her might to swim toward the small island just feet away.
Her vision darkened as fear consumed her. In that moment, Rey knew that this monster would be the thing that killed her - she would fail the Resistance, she would fail her friends and all the people in the galaxy who trusted in her to help save them, and worst of all she would die a completely pathetic death: Killed by an unseen monster in a murky lake that didn't exist, stuck in a Force bond with her greatest enemy.
"You don't have to give in," a warm, tempting voice whispered from the depths of the lake. "Grab hold of the power inside of you; save your friends, save yourself. All it takes is a little dip." In that moment, the fog that had plagued Rey's mind ever since Finn found her on Jakku and pulled her into a war that went so far past what she had agreed to help with fled from her. "You can bend the Force to your will," the voice promised, "no one is in charge of your destiny except you. Take what you deserve."
She could do anything; be anything. She would no longer be confined to the wishes of others. Elation flooding her mind, Rey reached out and tentatively touched the edge of her connection to the Force. Immediately, power like a raging wildfire crashed into her, threatening to consume her with its intense heat. "Don't resist," the sweet tones sung in her mind; power coursed through her veins, leaving her hungry for more. All she had to do was reach the island.
Rey's hand stretched out in response to the power humming through her body: "No one can hold you back, take control -"
A cold, clammy hand latched onto her outstretched arm. A familiar tug in the back of her mind pulled her harshly from the comforting glow of raw, untamed power. "Rey." Snapping back to reality, Rey found herself staring into the uncharacteristically concerned eyes of Kylo Ren. The fog seeped back over her mind, closing her off to the power she had just bathed in.
An aching loneliness swept over her at the dulling of her Force sensitivity. "Why did you stop me?" She demanded, anger roaring to life inside of her much faster than before. "I was so close! I could feel it," she murmured, softer.
"It was consuming you," he muttered, still holding tightly onto her arm as if he thought she would be swept away if he let go.
She shook her head, pulling herself from his grasp. "No, that's not true. I was using it. I felt so -"
"Powerful?" He supplied, concern still evident in his voice. "That's what you felt: Power."
Beneath the swirling waves, Rey felt the unmistakable brush of temptation rising back up to reach her. She glanced down longingly. "Why are you trying to keep me from my destiny?" She asked, sorrow coating her words.
"Destiny?" He repeated with a harsh, barking laugh. "Being consumed by power is hardly your destiny."
"It wouldn't consume me," she argued hotly, "I wouldn't allow it." Setting her jaw stubbornly, Rey turned her face away to block out the confusing picture of her enemy being concerned for her wellbeing. Sweeping her hand slowly under the water, she willed the warmth to return to her, calling it up from the depths as she moved closer to the rocky outcrop.
"Rey," Kylo warned, "don't do this."
"What I do is not up to you," she retorted. "You made it clear that you had no wish to help me when you refused to call off the attack on the Resistance ships and save my friends." If the twinge of anger she felt through their Force bond was any indication, Rey knew she had touched upon a raw wound. Instead of feeling guilty for causing harm, however, Rey simply felt a sense of pride that she could still get under his skin so easily.
Heat flared along her fingertips. Reaching out, Rey grazed the edge of the island with her bare hands, trying with all her strength to pull the warmth deep inside her where it could never diminish.
Just as the heat began spreading across her mind, Rey felt her connection with the sweet sensation snap as her body was shoved out of the way. Alarmed, Rey tried to push back, but found herself unable to move. Fog once more covered her brain, sweeping away the temptation she had just been overwhelmed by moments before.
Disbelief at the sight in front of her had her blinking in confusion. Standing on the rocky island she had tried so desperately to reach, clothes suddenly dry, was Kylo Ren. Confusion settled within her at the realization that she was suddenly standing on a piece of solid ground that was almost level with the island. But what caught her attention the most was the thick, swirling cloud of darkness obscuring the majority of the island Kylo was standing on.
Heat flickered from the shadow, casting its sparks onto her bare arms. "What's going on?" She asked, unable to keep the fear and uncertainty from her voice.
Tendrils of heat and shadow wrapped themselves around the form of her enemy. Pain radiated from him through their bond, though he did not so much as flinch as the shadow crept closer, pressing in from all sides. "You shouldn't have come here, Rey." His voice was so soft that Rey had to strain to catch his words above the thunder booming closer. "It isn't safe for you."
"Safe? What are you talking about?" Worry blossomed to life within her chest as the shadow drew ever closer, threatening to envelop Kylo Ren completely.
He shook his head sadly, "You wouldn't understand."
Rey felt their connection start to wither seconds before her vision darkened. The last thing she saw was the deep, dark shadow of fire seep into the slumped, defeated form of Ben Solo.
***
A/N: Thank you to everyone who has read, followed, and favorited this story so far! Please remember to leave a review if you like the story and I'll try my best to update more frequently.