A/N: Good evening, all! Please read! Some of you guys got a chapter seven update last night, but couldn't open the link. Same here and I apologize :( FF was being a butt! I deleted the chapter after an hour because I was trying to wait it out... nothing happened. But, here it is! Yay! Anywhoo, some of you are confused on what happened in the last chapter, sorry about that! But, you'll have to sit tight and read! We're not visiting where I left off in the last chapter! You guys got to see what happened to Trevor after Ana left Tennessee, and up until they meet again. I thought it'd be best also to share Ana's journey throughout that process as well! Plus, there are somethings that happen to her that serve some importance to future chapters! ;)

This chapter comes after the girls' get adopted from the Kavanagh's, and they make their move to Washington! (Which is chapter 2 APOV/ chapter 3 TPOV). This chapter will go by relatively quick with the time jumps because I don't want to delve too much into their lives!

Also, I promise you that this story is a Christian and Ana HEA!

Enough with the long author's note now, on with the story! ;)

Possible Trigger Warning: There are mentions of self-harm in this chapter.

Enjoy, loves! See you at the bottom!

Chapter 7 - Our New Lives

APOV

Washington

High school (4 years)

Upon our move to Washington, Eamon decided to follow his dreams and start his own company finally, Kavanagh Media and Publications is what he chose to call it; something he couldn't do back home in Tennessee. It would deal with everything from communications, magazines, broadcasting, and publishing; just a couple of the things he was very passionate about. "Always follow your dreams," he told us, and there he was, creating his own.

Eamon and Claire purchased a massive home in Medina, which we immediately felt safe in. Medina is a little city in Washington and right next to Bellevue, and the house we lived in was close to the water; it was absolutely beautiful. Although it didn't matter how big, small, or beautiful the home was, Eamon and Claire always made us feel safe, so we weren't expecting such a massive home to live in.

It felt nothing like the dirty old house that mama and papa provided us with, so we were more than thankful. Eamon and Claire explained that we had to attend a new school and basically live a new life... Not that we didn't mind. But, as parents, Eamon and Claire tried to bury our past as deep as they could, so that we could feel like we have a fresh start; hence, our move to Washington, which they felt was needed. Living in an entirely new place was an unsettling, yet exciting feeling. We did not have to live in fear of someone coming after us regarding our past, and we had caring, loving parents to look after us.

It felt refreshing to have someone care and love you, the way you think you're supposed to.

The drive from Medina to Downtown Seattle was brutal, and our father had a long drive to work day in and day out. But, he felt like it was worth the drive to provide for us, his family. He never failed at making us feel important and wanted. Once we were unpacked and settled, our parents enrolled us into Bellevue Prep, which is supposed to be for the rest of our high school years.

The first day of high school was approaching quickly… My sisters and I didn't know how we felt about it; it ultimately felt it was something we needed to do to please our parents for providing us with so much. And we weren't really given a choice even with our lack of social skills. They thought it would be good for us to have some human interaction besides the ones' we're used to, which I guess made sense.

xxx xxx

One the first day of school, my sisters and I didn't break free from each other. We were the "shy" ones, unsocial ones, and stuck to each other like glue. We knew no one, while everyone knew everyone. And although we were stuck wearing uniforms, and it felt like everyone was "treated equally," you were able to tell the big difference between those were the "popular" ones and the ones that weren't.

It sucked because I didn't share a lot of classes with my sisters, so I stuck out like a sore thumb in my classes. I only spoke when I was spoken to, during attendance (which being called Ana took some time getting used to), and I hardly ever put my hand up to answer any of the questions. Sitting in the back of the classroom had its advantages. I imagined that for Kate and Ellie, they would at least make a friend or two here at Bellevue Prep. They are by no means antisocial unlike me, but with the little to no human interaction to the outside world for years with ones our age, it was a bit harder for us to adjust; mainly for me, not so much of them.

Wishful thinking.

But, could you really blame us?

Our peace was short-lived. A few weeks have gone and passed of attending school; we were quickly considered the social outcasts and no one wanted to be friends with us. It was more so just the occasional name calling us the 'weirdos, freaks, or losers.', people throwing things at us during lunch, and rumors being spread that could potentially affect us.

Proven wrong, it's taken us more time to adjust then we thought. But, none of it really mattered. We just needed to finish our high school years and move on with our lives. It was more so just the occasional name calling, people throwing things at us during lunch, and rumors being spread that could potentially affect us. But, it was nothing that we couldn't handle.

We'd been through worse.

Later on in the first semester, I became even more withdrawn. To the naked eye, I was just another antisocial girl who hid behind her books and was always wary of her surroundings. But, to other students, they still saw me as an easy target because I would always shrink when I was being approached. I wouldn't talk back when they'd make fun of me, nor would I show any strength against them.

Strength wasn't my strong suit, and the bullying was mostly subjected towards me than my sisters.

I thought I could handle it, and I did try.

Kate soon came out of her shell by joining some clubs and after-school programs. She bloomed into a social butterfly with her blonde hair and dark blue eyes; everyone suddenly loved her. I wouldn't blame them. She was able to make one friend who then turned into two, while Ellie was able to as well because she hung out with Kate so often. My younger sisters, they flourished and opened up in a way that I couldn't. I didn't even want to hang out with Kate, Ellie or the friends that they made because I didn't feel pretty, smart, or social enough.

It killed me to watch them have something that I couldn't even come close to ever having.

But, that's what I get for being a freak.

In result, I felt more alone than I have ever felt and I started to self-harm the second semester of freshman year.

Cutting was my only escape.

It brought a sense of peace that coursed through my body. It also made me feel liberated and free. It made me feel in control. It was the only thing that made me feel... anything. I knew it was something I shouldn't do, but, for some reason, I couldn't stop. The constant bullying and rumors started to bother me more than I let on, and I let it all get into my head.

"Look it's the ugly Anastasia! Ha ha! You're no princess, why'd your parents' name you that?" They'd say.

I'd be made fun of every chance someone got.

It was humiliating.

Until one day, I thought I had made at least one friend. Her name was Vicky Henderson, and we had PE together, she was a junior. We were in the locker room right after class and the last ones in there. While I had my back to her, she touched my shoulder to grab my attention, and I freaked out badly. No one has ever touched my burns beside my sisters. I yelled at her and pushed her off really hard as if her hand was on fire. She fell to the ground with a hard thud, and I tried to control my ragged breathing.

Quickly, after that occurred, she looked at me like I was some crazed animal. "I knew you were some type of fucking freak! Wait until the whole school finds out that you acted like a crazed wild fucking animal, just because I touched your shoulder, and you fucking pushed me! Who the fuck does that?! No wonder why you have no friends! Loser!" And she began to stand up.

"I-I-I'm s-s-sorry." I stuttered. I gathered my stuff, ran out of the library to the nearest girls bathroom, and stayed there for the remainder of my lunch, crying my eyes out. The rest of the day was just horrible.

Vicky told the whole school through the intercom her version of what happened, and I was the laughing stalk of the day. I doubt she got in trouble for that because she was the queen of Bellevue Prep. Everyone bowed down at her feet, and kissed the ground she walked on. Vicky was the captain of the cheerleading squad, the girlfriend of the quarterback to our football team and his name was Elliot, and she was the most popular girl in school. Everyone wanted to be her friend, and in her good graces, so no one dared protest against her.

Instead, they stood with her.

She probably was my "friend" as a joke. Some fucking joke.

Oddly enough, it made me think of Trevor. Why? Because he was the only person who accepted me for who I was, he was my friend. But, would he have still been my friend if he found out the freak that I was? Would he have protected me? He was the only person I ever felt comfortable around, but sadly, he's not here. He's not here to see everyone laughing at me, making fun of me, and be the subject of every horrid thing that the other students brought me upon.

What would he think of me then?

The rest of the school day was horrible, and going home that day was the only time I'd felt safe. I ran up to my room, sat in the chair that faced the window, and finally cried it all out. This isn't the first time. It's either I'm crying on this damned chair, in the shower, or while I'm in bed. My tears are endless. I cried for all the horrible days I've had since we moved to Seattle, I cried for having to leave Tennessee, I cried for not being able to be normal, I cried for having to leave him, and I cried for not being strong enough.

Letting out all of the tears made me feel some relief, but it wasn't enough.

I so badly wanted to cut, but I relented at the time being.

Tonight, I told myself.

Instead, I reached out to my bedside table and clutched onto the only thing that brought a smile to my face. It was the DIY project I made of the roses he gave me. I took the dried up petals of every rose that he's ever given me and saved it in a mason jar. I wrote the word "HOPE" on the front because one day, I'd hope to see him again.

And that night was the first night of many that I started a diary entry in a couple of years…

Dear Diary,

I don't know why everyone hates me, while I've done nothing to make them feel that way. Am I really that much of a nuisance to people that even my mere existence is such an issue? I thought by at least making one friend; I'd be okay. But, she touched me. She fucking touched me. I was so damn scared and angry that she touched me. It brought back the feeling of the cigarette burning through my skin, and it's like I could get a whiff of that rancid cigarette smell running through my nostrils. I tried to calm down, but instantly, I snapped. I didn't mean to hit her hand that hard, but fuck she should imagine how it felt to be touched on a fucking cigarette burn. Granted, maybe I should have told her that I don't like to be touched. But, how the fuck how do you bring up the subject?

"Uh, hey... I don't like to be touched because I was used as a fucking ashtray and someone to beat the hell out of for fucking fun when I was younger… so yeah, don't touch me."

Like that would ever go in the direction I would want it to. I still feel like if I was stronger and smarter, I could have gotten ourselves out of that situation much sooner. I wouldn't have become this… this… untouchable freak of nature! If I actually had the balls to reach out to someone and ask for help, I could've have saved my sisters and me from the horrible upbringing of our lives.

My sisters didn't have to grow up in a broken home like that; they deserved so much more.

Trevor, the only person who has ever made me feel loved and cherished. I wish he were here. I wish he could take all the pain away, and make life simple as it used to be in the garden. I hoped we could have stayed in our little bubble, forever.

But, forever doesn't exist.

~ Rose

In realizing that, I couldn't put a hold on it any longer. I pull the sharp object that I hide under my mattress and begin to feel the sting and satisfaction of the first of many cuts onto my flesh.

It hurts so good.

xxx xxx

The bullying got more severe after Vicky told the whole school thought that I was an actual freak. Students started to become more aggressive and pushed me into lockers, throw things, and make fun of me directly to my face when passing by. That's new. I spent the majority of my time hiding in the bathroom stalls, every chance I got because I just wanted it all to stop.

I wish it all stopped.

I wish I weren't such a freak, an outcast, a nobody.

Until one day, Kate and Ellie found me in my hiding spot, the last bathroom stall in the farthest girls bathroom during lunch crying my eyes out. They were so concerned for me. They told me they'd spend every day looking for me during passing period and lunch but was never able to... until now. I told them how humiliated I felt ever showing my face, so the most natural thing to do was hide. So instantly, they called mom and dad.

A pang of guilt hit me because Kate and Ellie left their friends to look for me once they saw how severely the rumors affected me. They stayed with me as much as they could the rest of the day until mom and dad picked us up. Dad was furious when Kate and Ellie said what had been going on with me at school. He immediately went down there the same day and pulled us out for homeschooling.

I felt relief, but also guilt.

Kate and Ellie were giving up so much for me, and dad and mom stood up for me and believed me when I told them what was going on.

Something I never thought I'd get.

Vicky ended up getting suspended for severe bullying amongst other things, and I never heard from anyone at that school since that day.

xxx xxx

Being homeschooled wasn't so bad because Claire was a natural. She had always been caring, attentive, and loving. But, the more we were homeschooled, the more guilt I carried. It was my fault that I was holding my sisters back from having what I called, "a normal life," it was my fault that we were stuck at home, and it was my fault that I wasn't strong enough. Kate and Ellie repeatedly told me how I shouldn't blame myself, and that they should have been there for me. But, I wasn't having any of it. I saw how they made friends, talking to other people, and just because I wasn't and I couldn't deal with my situation, it all had to stop on my account.

As the rest of our high school years went by, I had a harder time, as I continued blamed myself for the situation we were in. If I weren't so fucked up, I'd probably be normal like my sisters.

Social butterflies, outgoing personality, many friends, and at least likable to some.

But, I'm anything but.

I've carried so much guilt, so much shame, and so much hurt.

Not only did I carry all my guilt from the high school mishap, but I also carried the weight of the trauma that happened to us when we were younger. It still affected me, echoed in my mind, and I didn't know when it would ever stop. I felt guilty because I couldn't stop papa from hurting us, I felt guilty because my sisters were treated so poorly, I felt guilty because I was so weak. And yet, here I am now stopping them from living their lives and making friends.

I feel like I'll never be able to get over. And I remained silent about these thoughts and feelings; I didn't want to burden anyone else with my fucked up self. I don't want anyone to know the hurt and guilt I feel. I don't want anyone to know how I honestly feel…

I hid it, and hid it well.

I was broken… so, utterly broken.

And no one ever realized it.

College (4 years)

Washington State University

College, the higher education that I thought my sisters and I would ever see. Under the care and advice from Eamon and Claire, they thought it would be best that my sisters and I attended the same college and lived in the same space. We agreed. We lived in an apartment together, and though it was nice living amongst my sisters, I was glad to have my privacy, my bedroom. Washington State University wasn't too far or close away from home, so it wasn't hard for visits from our parents, or going home for the holidays and weekends.

I majored in Business while minoring in English Literature. Kate majored in Journalism. Elizabeth majored in Public Relations with a minor in English Literature, as well. I solely focused on school work with basically no time to make friends and or party every weekend. Of course, Kate and Ellie were the total opposites. You would think that they were the ones who are actually twins, not Ellie and I. They had their occasional flings as they called it, went out to parties on weekends, lunch dates, shopping dates, and all the stuff you imagine doing in college... they did it.

I didn't.

I still hid behind my books and studied my ass off 24/7. I never had time to make friends, have shopping dates, lunch, and all the partying that Kate and Ellie did. I was either confined in my room or at the library, the only places you'd catch me at. I still wrote in my diary, occasionally. Mainly when things got pretty bad in my fucked up mind, I'd write to try and to get it all out. Sometimes, it would and other times it wouldn't. I still subjected myself to self-harm, even though it was minimal now. It's probably one of the only things that make me feel somewhat "normal." But, I'd be trying to find other ways of feeling that way.

I needed to keep myself busy, especially from my mind. So, I begin to play the piano. It was calming for me.

I'd compose songs about him because he was my muse. I couldn't get him out of my head, and he was hours and miles away. I always thought about him, even though I was sure he moved on. I still had the DIY project on my bedside table; I'd admire it every night. And now, I have a book filled with all the music I'd compose about him, hoping one day, I'd be able to share it... with him.

It had been years since we'd contacted each other. But, my mind always wandered to him hoping that he was doing well, and wherever he may have been if he was happy.

And not like me, miserable, pathetic, and alone.

Was it wrong that I held onto hope that we'd see each other again, one day?

With everything going on in our crazy lives, well, mostly Kate and Ellie... College was a breeze. It actually went by too fast. All three of us finished college with honors, and I couldn't be more proud of myself.

Dad, mom, and Ethan were extremely proud of all three of us and our accomplishments. We beamed with happiness that day, and there's a family photo at our home in Medina that proved it.

After College

Kavanagh Media and Publishing, our father's empire. After years of building his company from the ground up, our dad decided to pass down everything he'd made down to us, his children. Ethan was supposed to run the company and my sisters, and I would be working alongside with him, but he joined the military shortly after we moved to Washington. He was out there, risking his life for our country while being stationed in Iraq, and we couldn't be more proud of him. Therefore, dad decided to hand down the company to me, since I was the second oldest.

I was always skeptical about being CEO of a major company because I didn't want to let my family down in being the face of the company. I just wanted to become an Editor and or maybe just help alongside the business with my dad. But, he had other plans for me, and I couldn't help but feel fearful. I had thought when he was teaching me about the in's and out's of the company; it was just in case of an emergency. But, little had I known, he handed down his company to me. I was reluctant at first, but after a couple of months, everything just clicked for me.

"You can do it, Annie. I know you will make me proud! I believe in you. If I didn't, I wouldn't have given you my company in the first place." That's what my dad told me the day he signed over everything to me.

In that time, I was no longer the shy, naive, timid girl hiding behind the books. I was a strong, business-minded young woman who is ruthless in the boardrooms with my no fucks given attitude. My appearance because vital to me so, I dressed to the nines every chance I could get. I was still dealing with my issues, but I was able to create a persona to hide behind, my CEO persona.

It made things easier for me, and I finally felt... comfortable with myself.

Making big decisions for the company was always my weakness, I felt like I'd still make the wrong move. But, I had overcome that weakness by believing my gut and mainly, myself.

When I overcame what I saw as my weakness, I began to enjoy being the CEO. With the help of my sisters and I, we were able to let the company rise in the business world. We worked in some mergers and acquisitions, even though it wasn't our primary suit. Our father taught us about that because apparently, he was supposed to be bought out, which in result, he decided to gift the company to me. Mergers and acquisitions were something interesting to do, but I wouldn't go as far to say we were pros at it. It worked in our favor when it was needed. I just liked to keep everyone on their toes or teach them a lesson. Not many understood the power Kavanagh Media and Publications yielded, except for my sisters, parents, and I. It was oddly satisfying.

Every time I'd have lunch with my dad, I'd tell him how much the company had flourished. And the sense of pride that was written all over his face every time is one I have engraved in my heart.

Proud.

That's all I had ever wanted, to make someone proud.

xxx xxx

I began to feel more comfortable with who I was becoming as I felt at ease in my workspace. My world wasn't so broken at last, or at least it felt like it wasn't. I felt like things began to make sense, and I don't know if it's because I've been able to layer walls to protect myself, or I'm no longer who I used to be.

But, I loved running my company, and the power it gave me.

Having the control was exciting - dare I say.

I thrived to have control and to exercise control in all things.

I loved it.

I breathed it.

I craved it.

It was the new me.

Right after the girls finished College and just started to take over KMP

?POV

I've finally been honorably discharged, after the years I've spent as a Marine. Leaving all of those important to me behind was difficult, but it needed to be done. I was being called to serve, and it was my duty to serve my country.

I'm hoping that the woman I once knew, grew up and became a better person. That woman was a gold-digger, cared about nothing and no one, but herself. Money was her motivator, and it undoubtedly wasn't mine. I wasn't some prissy rich kid growing up, but we weren't dirt poor. It taught me to be humble, and that money can't buy happiness.

I'm on a wild goose chase! Before I left to fulfill my duties, they lived in Missouri. I stopped by the old house they used to live in and what do you know? They are no longer there. The person who now is living on that property said they moved out and mentioned heading towards Tennessee.

Before arriving at a house in Tennessee, I called a buddy of mine to do a general background check on her. It seems she got married after I got shipped off.

I bet with the clothes on my back that she changed their names, so I wouldn't be able to find them. She's got that wrong. I've got a start of where to search for them.

I also asked around, and it seems that she has been somewhat social, everyone knows her. But, no one knew anything else, and there lies my concern. I've been told that the man she married doesn't have much of a good reputation. Some people also told me he deals with drugs and that they're regulars at a bar downtown, that raises some red flags for me.

Drugs and alcohol? Not the best combination.

So, here I am now in the heat of the Tennessee sun standing in front of what is supposedly their home. It's in a beautiful looking neighborhood, but it looks like the front yard of their home is in need of some TLC.

They haven't been seen for years now, but I have to give it a shot, and see if they possibly live in the house I've got the address to.

I get out of my car and start to walk towards the door.

*Knock knock*

Who opens the door is not what I expect… it's not my ex-wife, but some elderly woman.

"Hello, how may I help you?"

"Hi, I'm sorry for bothering you. I was just wondering if there is a Jessica Wheeler that lives or lived here previously? She's about 5'5, blonde hair, and has blue eyes."

"Hmm, no. There is no Jessica Wheeler that lives here."

"If you don't mind me asking, ma'am. How long have you been living here?"

"Oh… probably around 8 or 9 years. I can't be for certain when you're at this age."

"Do you know what happened to the previous owners?"

"Actually, yes I do. They lived here years ago! Oh, it was awful! Apparently, terrible things were happening in this home. You know things along the lines of people getting arrested. I've been told that there were young ones here, though I'm not entirely sure. I'd hope not, that would be awful."

My heart stops.

Is it really them?

"That does sound awful. Thank you for the information. You've given me more than I could thank you for. Well, I best be going! I'm sorry to bother you, ma'am. Have a great day." I need to get out of here before she asks me any questions!

"No problem at all. May I ask, are you any relation to the previous family?" She eyes me. Damnit!

"Sure. The family that lived here, they're just important people that I'm looking for." I begin to walk away. I'm getting too damn emotional.

I look back, and she nods, as she closes the door.

As I continue to walk to my car tears are filling up my eyes. I can't believe it! They might be alive! I need to find them and tell them how sorry I am for leaving them. I need to make them understand that it was all out of my control.

I take out my phone to call my wife.

"Hey, honey."

"Hi, sweetie! Were you able to find them? Any of them? Are they safe?" Her voice makes me smile. She's always been supportive of me for finding them.

"No, it was another dead end. But, I won't stop until I do find them. The woman who lives in their previous home gave me vague information. I just have to do more digging, I suppose." I take a deep breath because I need to focus.

"I-I just have to keep on believing that they're alive." Damnit. Emotional. Again.

"Oh, sweetie. I know it's hard. There was nothing you could do. Come on home now. I miss you so much. I haven't seen you in days… weeks it feels like!" I miss her just as much.

"I know honey; I'll be home soon. Thank you for always being there for me. I'm so glad that I met you all those years ago. You are my heart. I love you, honey."

"I love you too sweetie. Drive safe. See you soon." I hang up.

I'm now more than ever determined to find out what happened and where they are now…

Even if it's the last thing, I do...

Some of you may have read this before the took the chapters down, but I revised this a bit. So, I hope you enjoyed! Also, I just want to let you all know how glad I am that many of you are enjoying the rework/rewrite of my story! The PMs and reviews I've gotten are heartwarming... Thank you a ton :)

You'll be getting some answers in chapter 8! I can't give it all away, but all will be revealed in due time ;) Also, next chapter we're in the present time (FINALLY!) where everything will begin to unfold for the two. Thank you all for sticking with me! RL has been kicking my butt recently, and I'm in the final steps of editing for the next chapter of TTWY! The quicker I update, the sooner you'll see Christian Grey come to life in my story! I'm thinking Friday, whatcha think? Let me know... Review ladies ;) See you all soon! x