A/N: Warnings for this chapter include subtle(?) depictions of depression and not-so-subtle psychological torture.
If you're interested, a good song to listen to when reading this chapter would be "You" by Breaking Benjamin.
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"How long are you planning on ignoring my presence? Just want to know how much time I need to carve out of my schedule for this."
Kylo continued to ignore the persistent, condescending tone of Luke Skywalker, choosing instead to proceed with his one-sided staring contest with his cell's far wall.
"You were much more talkative last time we met."
How much longer would he have to wait? Surely the officers in charge of the mutiny were not intending on keeping him alive long enough for him to try and formulate an escape plan?
Except, he had no intention of escaping.
Death would come for him as death came for all.
"What, do I not get to hear another dramatic speech on how you're going to tear down the remaining vestiges of the Jedi Order and rule the galaxy?"
There's nothing left to do besides sit, wait, and let the old man prattle.
Kylo sincerely hoped he would not come back as a Force ghost; he couldn't bear the thought of having to deal with Skywalker for all of eternity.
Just let me die and be done with it.
From the corner of his eye, Kylo watched Skywalker's blue-tinged form blur, an indication that the man was moving. Though to where, Kylo had no idea.
The cell was painfully small: if he had wanted to, he could have walked from the left wall to the opposite side in five quick strides. The width was even shorter, considering the hard cot he sat on took up the entire back wall.
A flash of annoyance passed over his face as Skywalker stepped directly in front of his view. Great, now he was going to have to actively ignore the man.
The thought of moving even slightly grated on his nerves, so Kylo stubbornly remained where he was, careful to keep his eyes fixed on where the floor and wall met as to best avoid looking at his voluntary cellmate.
"Rey told me you killed Snoke," Skywalker said, a note of contemplation in his voice, "sliced him in half."
"Why did you think I was in here?" Kylo retorted, sparks of his old, comfortable anger lighting within him.
"Ah, I thought that might get me a reaction."
Kylo clamped his mouth shut in retaliation, annoyed at himself for rising to the bait.
If I ignore him long enough, maybe he'll go away.
He was absolutely not going to spend the last few hours of his life arguing with the deceased.
Dammit. But Snoke never goes away when I try to ignore him; the old man is even more stubborn. Blasted Jedi.
"You know," Skywalker continued, apparently choosing to test Kylo's patience, "I'm starting to see a pattern emerge. You're never satisfied, are you? Nothing I ever taught you about serenity and wisdom was enough for you, so you rebelled against me and everything the Jedi stood for. Even the infinite power and knowledge Snoke promised you wasn't enough, so you murdered him."
Peace is a lie. There is only passion.
Years of pent-up fury burst to life within Kylo Ren as he surged to his feet. "You know nothing about me!"
Chest heaving with exertion, Kylo put all his brute strength into pulling at the padded repressor cuffs which kept the majority of his connection with the Force just out of reach. Close enough to tease, to trickle through his mind like the final droplets in a rainstorm, only to evaporate as soon as the edges of his consciousness began to dip into the well of power with which he had become so intimately knowledgeable.
He refused to sit idly in front of this hypocrite and not fight with every last breath in his body.
His pride would not allow it.
In this moment, it mattered little that communication had never been his strong suit.
He lacked a lightsaber.
The Force lay mostly dormant inside of him.
All he had left to rely on was his anger. And it had never failed him before.
Through passion I gain strength.
"I know everything about you, Ben." Skywalker insisted, unfazed by the display of rage. "I tried so hard to protect you, to shelter you from all of this darkness."
"Protect me?" Kylo repeated, deranged laughter spilling from his lips. "Is that what you were you trying to do when you stood over me, about to murder me?"
For the first time during their conversation, Luke's confident demeanor shifted - a shamed frown pulled down the edges of his mouth. "It was a moment of weakness, Ben. I never would have killed you. Never."
Kylo longed for his lightsaber then - relished in the thought of thrashing the old man's ghost form until he finally vanished. "Oh, and I suppose you expect me to believe the words of a liar?"
"No. I had hoped you might try to look past your anger, given your present circumstances, but I see now that my hopes were in vain. You truly are lost." Every inch of Kylo's being strained against the useless temptation to try and gouge the pity out of Skywalker's eyes.
"Only in your twisted definition of the word!" He spat out - desiring anger, outrage, finality, anything but that cursed pity.
"I swore I would try to help you," Luke shook his head sadly, "but there is nothing I can do to fix the abomination that you have willingly become. You have no one to blame but yourself."
You're wrong. I didn't want this. Why can't you see that?
"I don't need your help!" Kylo insisted, yanking again at his cuffs, satisfied when the metal bit sharply into his wrists due to the immense pressure he exerted. "Just go away!"
Dribbles of blood slipped between the cracks of his skin, splattering without concern on the cold metal flooring.
A veil of darkness drops over his eyes.
Familiar, sharp pain erupts like a supernova in his head.
Overwhelming agony drives him to his knees in front of his master.
"No. Not now, he whimpered. Skywalker could not be allowed to see such weakness.
Through strength I gain power.
Blindly reaching out to the Force, Kylo muddled through the sludge of his repressed connection, ineffectively attempting to channel his anguish into a tool he could use to defend himself from the oppressive onslaught.
"I thought I told you to fight, you worthless cur." The venom in Snoke's voice ate away at the last shred of confidence Kylo had managed to conjure during his argument with Luke.
Rough, grisled fingers swept across Kylo's cheek in a mock caress, "How you continuously disappoint me."
Unable to fight and utterly defeated in mind and spirit, Kylo did the only thing he could think of.
He begged. "Just kill me. Please."
"Oh," Snoke's hand drifted down to wrap tightly around Kylo's neck, sharp fingernails digging into his skin, "is death what you desire?"
Kylo swallowed thickly as he struggled past the clenching of his throat to speak, "Yes."
It's a weakness - it's pathetic, pleading for death. But it's what I deserve.
"Death," Snoke hissed, increasing pressure, "is far too good for you." With a gutteral snarl, Snoke released his physical hold on Kylo Ren, all the while burrowing deeper into his apprentice's mind.
Kylo attempted to scream, but his throat was already too sore and his lungs too devoid of air for any audible sound to escape. His lungs burned from overwork as his body frantically drew in oxygen, demanding more even as his brain was assaulted on all sides.
Shadow and heat swallowed him whole, slipping into every crevice and quiet thought.
Devouring all light. Snuffing out all hope.
Terror rose to life within him, one spark proving more than sufficient to burn all his worst fears as kindling for a much larger fire. If only it could be his funeral pyre.
Nightmares sprung to life before his eyes - images more tangible and real than anything he had ever experience.
Death. Destruction. Pain. Sorrow. The images flickered before his consciousness too quickly for him to grasp the substance. But long enough for the emotions to stab into the core of his being and tear open wounds he had thought long scabbed over.
One vision played out slowly enough for him to watch the climax: Rey, standing amidst the broken bodies of her allies, rage spewing out of every pore of her being. He was frozen in place, forced to stand and watch, helpless, as the darkness consumed her and she burned down the universe to avenge her fallen comrades.
It wasn't right. It wasn't her. But still, after she had decimated whole worlds in her never ending quest for revenge, he was incapable of cutting her down. He would rather die.
And die he did. Rey's face betrayed no emotion as she turned his own lightsaber against him and ran him through, leaving a smoking, cauterized hole in his chest. But his heart had been shattered long ago.
As the image faded and switched to another, Kylo had a brief flash of sobering thought. This must have been how my father felt. Snoke had been right, he did have too much of his father's heart in him.
As quickly as the thought had come, it was swept away like debris in the onslaught of visions.
But Kylo grabbed hold of the fact that the thought had come, that comparing himself to his father had not left a bitter taste. Rather, the smallest glimmer of light pierced through the shadow and heat that plagued his mind, calling to him from far off.
With strength of will he didn't realize he still possessed, he pulled himself toward the shard of light brave enough to stand alone in his rolling sea of torment and hatred.
Through power I gain victory.
Gasping for air as though he had been shoved under an unforgiving, rushing current, Kylo returned to reality. He knew it was reality because the pain was more exquisite, more precise. Instead of being overwhelmed by thousands of emotions both from within and without his psyche, he was left with only his own emotions. He couldn't decide which fate was more troubling.
His eyes adjusted slowly to the lighting of his prison cell. Though the orange glow cast by the overhead lights was incredibly dim, in comparison with the dark cloud of his thoughts, the faint lighting was as marvelous and blinding as a sun.
He blinked. His mind slowly comprehending the scene in front of him - the scene that no nightmare would ever had conjured because it was too bizarre. Too impossible. Too hopeful.
Luke Skywalker - in all of his Jedi Force ghost glory - stood with his back to Kylo, holding up a shimmering wall of intertwining blue and white light. The intricate patterns were dazzling and Kylo had a difficult time tearing his attention away from the soft, unyielding tones long enough to see what lay behind the wall.
Snoke. Brimming with fury, Snoke pushed back against the wall of light, but was unable to puncture through. His normally arrogant, composed features were pulled back in a snarl, stretching his thin, weathered skin tightly across his face.
"Ben." Kylo flinched as his birth name passed through Skywalker's lips, dreading the deluge of memories that seeped out of their hiding places in the farthest corners of his mind at his name being spoken by the old man in front of him. "I'll hold him off as long as I can; it's what I should have tried to do years ago."
Luke turned to face him, temporarily ignoring his frustrated enemy. "Ben." Hesitantly, feeling as though he were a child again being scolded for peeking at forbidden texts, Kylo raised his head and met his uncle's aged gaze, "You need to make a choice. You need to decide, once and for all, if there is anything in life worth fighting for."
Kylo remained silent, unsure how to formulate a response.
He blinked once and both of his previous masters vanished without a trace of ever having been in his cell.
Through victory my chains are broken.
Except, his physical chains were still present - the repressor cuffs were still firmly clamped around his wrists, locking away his connection to the Force.
Except, he was still locked in his cell on the lowest level of the largest First Order ship.
His passion had gotten him nowhere. His strength had failed him. His power lay out of reach. His victory was a sham. His chains were still intact.
The Sith Code had done nothing for him; the teachings were just as in desperate need of change as the Jedi Code. Both Orders wholly fallible.
The wounds in his mind still gaped wide, raw and ugly.
"The Force shall free me," he whispered. The final line of the Sith Code made sense - it was the only part he now put any real faith in.
Still kneeling on the metal floor, he tried his best to appear unconcerned when the lock of his cell door disengaged.
They had come for him at last.
The dark metal door slid open soundlessly. The dim lighting of his cell bathed the newcomer in shadow. From the figure's outline, he could not determine who had come for him. Not stocky enough to be a stormtrooper, not tall enough to be General Hux, not giving off a perception of barely-masked fear to be an officer.
"Heard you needed to be rescued."
Comfortable warmth flooded through him. "Rey," he breathed, hardly believing his eyes as she stepped further into the cell. Dressed in the same outfit he remembered from that fateful day in Snoke's throneroom, soft eyes blazing brightly with the immensity of the light emanating from her, stood Rey, untainted by the darkness so evident in himself.
How could she be here? Was this another one of Snoke's tricks?
With a flick of her hand, the cuffs on his wrists released. The dam being broken, the Force flowed back into his veins quickly.
He hardly noticed.
"How-" he started to question. The single word tasted like gravel and he coughed, desperately trying to coat his throat with enough saliva so he could speak.
"Ben." Suddenly, she was there, kneeling in front of him. Her eyes glanced over the specks of blood on the floor before settling on his face, overflowing with concern. He felt her in his mind, gently poking around to find the answers he was unable to verbally communicate. He allowed the intrusion, relishing in the soft glow of her presence as she soothed his infected mind.
"Ben, what has he done to you?" she whispered, voice sorrowful and underlyed with a flare of anger that he recognized all too well. He was supposed to protect her - she shouldn't be worrying about him.
In that moment, he did what Luke had commanded and made his choice. It didn't matter if this was all an elaborate vision, Ben knew he would follow her to the ends of the universe.
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A/N: Thank you for reading! Please leave a review.