A/N: Hello everyone! I apologize for not updating last week. RL has been kicking my butt hard! I'm opening up a new business, so a lot of my time has been dedicated to that. Also, I was in a bit of a 'funk' is what I've been calling it. But rest assured, I'm slowly getting back into writing and all :) I'd like to give a major shoutout, lots of love and thank you to the lovely ladies who have been so supportive and have had my back with the trolling lately. You ladies know who you are! ;) *Big hugs*

Friendly reminder: I know the chapter titles might be something you've seen before my rewrite, but what entails in the chapter may be different from what you've read in the past. Please read on before thinking it might be something you've read before. Thanks :)

Anywhoo, on with the story!

All mistakes are mine!

Enjoy loves! See you at the bottom!

Chapter 10 - Unexpected Death

APOV

Thursday

I'm blankly staring at the paperwork in front of me, and for the life of me, I can't get shit done.

It's frustrating as hell.

Between my relentless thoughts about everything that has happened since the last time, I saw Trevor and my kids… I haven't been able to keep focused on what needs to be done.

Everything about that time affected me much deeper than I'd like to admit.

Since the accident, I had Hannah; my PA pile my days with endless meetings and paperwork. So that I can try to keep my mind free of him. But, for some reason, I can't get him out of my mind.

Today is another one of those days.

Fuck.

I can't stop thinking about him.

Every time I close my eyes, I see those gray eyes staring back at me.

I'm losing my fucking mind.

Back to work, Ana, I curse myself. But, I just can't get back into it.

To say my obsessive thoughts about Trevor's gray eyes have been driving me to the point of insanity would be treading it lightly. The relentless thoughts of him have been preventing me from getting a damn thing done. My exhaustion is beginning to hit me hard. Usually, work keeps me grounded, keeps me busy. But, those words are against me right now. I've been an emotional mess recently, and I have no idea why. Maybe because it's close to the five-year mark of him being gone?

I've never really moved on.

I've accepted what happened, but my heart still bleeds for him. Four and a half years later.

All of my heart. All of my thoughts. All of my feelings. All of my love.

It's still and has always been for him.

The memories we've shared together never stray too far. Even if there aren't many.

It hurts.

Damnit, it hurts.

Here I am again, not able to get anything done because not only can I not stop thinking about Trevor and it's brought up those memories of when I knew I lost him.

xxx xxx

After my initial reaction to hearing about the plane crash, I spent a week keeping myself locked up in my room. I couldn't sleep, I refused to eat, I refused to work, and I refused to socialize. I banned my sisters from coming to my rescue, and I forbade them from talking to me about the plane accident.

Time, I told them, was what I needed.

The news they gave me was too much, all of it was too much. It felt like the walls were caving in and I couldn't breathe. I had lost the one person who meant more to me than words could ever say. I had lost the one person who even just for a second, saw me weak and vulnerable. Saw me for me. I had lost the one person who could have freed me from my demons.

And he was gone.

That one week, I needed time for myself. I needed to really let reality set in that not only was I going to have to accept his death; I was going to bare his child without him.

It seemed like my sorrow never ended.

Suddenly, a week of moping was enough.

Every night, I'd hold my stomach, whispering promises of a beautiful life and a loving parent.

What was I doing moping around for?

A flame lit inside of me, a newfound determination. I needed to find out what happened to him regardless of whether or not I liked what I heard. Something clicked inside of me no matter how much my heart was shattered; my unborn baby.

I had to do this for my unborn baby.

I spent hours watching the news reports on TV, reading articles online, and I personally decided to formulate a plan to try and look deeper into the matter of the crash.

My sisters were wrong.

The news reports were wrong.

It was said that there was only one survivor of the crash, goddamnit. They didn't find him at first because he was able to get pretty far away from the accident.

Who the fuck let these fuckers go around, telling the world that there were no survivors?

Assholes.

The lone survivor looked happy to be alive in interviews. He just kept going on and on with how lucky he felt to have survived such a tragic accident with minor injuries but never mentioned anything else besides that.

Lucky fuck.

A few weeks after the crash, I formed a team to go out and look for the lone survivor after the crash, and they were to report back to me if they found anything. But much to my disappointment, they found nothing substantial. The lone survivor was at the hospital for just a few days and then discharged. Damnit. We weren't allowed to get any information on him, not even a fucking name. He could be fucking anyone.

That's all I needed.

Apparently, the explosion burned the rest of the bodies to the point where they were unrecognizable, and it would take weeks or maybe even months to go through all of the ashes. Upon knowing that information, I had some of my team go to the nearby hospitals to gather any information on a Trevor Knight. I had hopes that maybe they were wrong. All of them. Even though I've read numerous times that there were no other survivors, I had to know for sure.

He had to be out there, somewhere, anywhere.

I'd feel it if the love of my life has departed, right?

When I got a report back, my team was told that there's no "record" of a Trevor Knight that was hospitalized. I refused to believe it. But, what really pushed me over the edge was getting an official death certificate a couple of days later with his name plastered on it.

His death certificate signed by the Coroner of the county, that was it.

He's dead.

After receiving that death certificate; my world collapsed. I stopped my team from doing anything. Furthermore, I just paid them, and they were on their way.

There was no point in looking for a dead man; he was never coming back.

He's dead I continued to think to myself. He's never coming back; I continued to torture myself with these thoughts for days.

Funeral arrangements were made, but I chose not to go. It didn't register right with me. I didn't feel worthy enough to attend. In the ruckus of all the dead bodies, one of them belonged to him. Just why? I couldn't handle the pain, the suffering, and the loss. So, if I attended his funeral, no doubt, I would have been a mess. Maybe even more than a mess.

Why did he leave me? Why is he gone?

With all these never-ending thoughts, countless questions, and never enough answers… I lost myself in work and my pregnancy.

That's how I grieved.

Nothing else, nothing more.

He was gone.

Forever.

xxx xxx

I've been snapped out of my thoughts when a phone call from Hannah comes through, letting me know I have a meeting in twenty minutes. One last meeting, then it'll be time to go home, and I'm so glad. I've spent too much of my morning and afternoon thinking about him.

Tonight is 'almost the weekend pajama party,' cuddles and junk food with my little munchkins when we settle at home.

I'm so ready for that, a night with my kids.

Away from the world, away from work.

As I gather the last of my things before leaving the office for my meeting, I take a look at the photo of Teddy and Alex that sits proudly on my desk. I trace their facial features, but what strikes me most is Teddy's gray eyes. They're like carbon copies of each other. This has become a daily ritual before I step foot out of my office for any reason.

It doesn't help that it also makes me think about how life could be so different right now.

Trevor and I could have been happy, more in love, married, and think about having more kids. I might have trusted him and myself enough to let him touch me in places I've never let him touch. Could have. There are endless possibilities to where our "relationship" would have ended up.

It's the future I now constantly crave, but I know it won't ever happen.

I fucked up. I should have opened myself up more to him, I should have been brave, and I shouldn't have been so ashamed.

But, that's the thing about the future, you just never know what will happen. In a split second, life can change with a blink of an eye.

I can't stop but think that if I didn't let my fears stop me from living life, if I didn't let my thoughts and the past haunt me up until now, and if only I could just let it all go and move forward... then maybe I didn't have to build these walls around to protect myself.

Now, here I am, and my heart still hurts. I wipe a tear that falls because I have been able to accept that he's dead, but my heart cannot move on from him...

I'm interrupted by my door flying open, and Kate comes marching in like she owns the place. The look on her face has me concerned. Kate typically doesn't come barging in unless she knocks first, so that means something is going on. I throw a pointed look at the door, and Kate is a pale as a sheet.

"Ana... Dad he just called and..." Kate stutters.

I compose myself and stand up from my seat, ushering her towards the couch in my office. After she settles, I take a seat next to her and carefully lay my hand on top of hers just so she doesn't touch the burns on my wrists, trying to let her know that I'm here and willing to listen to whatever has made her so upset. "Okay Kate, breathe first then tell me what's going on." Kate closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

"Ana… Dad called me and told me that something terrible happened." This raises concern.

"What is it, Kate? One second, I have to let Hannah know I won't be attending the meeting. She can have someone else run it." I call Hannah in and let her know; she quickly leaves to tend to the matter. Then, I turn my attention back to my sister. "Katie, Is dad okay? How about mom? Ethan?"

"No, no, it's not them Ana. They're fine, trust me. It's… it's Adela Trevelyan. Remember her?"

"Of course I do! What kind of question is that? Is she okay? Wh-what about her?"

She sighs.

"I don't know how to say this or that I even want to. But… she passed away. She's g-g-gone." I pull my hand away from hers, and put it over my mouth, as tears threaten to fall.

"H-how? W-why?" I'm now a complete sobbing mess.

Kate stands up and starts to pace in my office. "She had a heart attack, Ana! A fucking heart attack! Dad said that Theo got there too late! I just… I can't believe she's gone." She explains, and I continue to break down in tears.

I don't know what to do with Kate, as she continues to pace. I can't even fucking hug her without my anxiety and fear creeping up on me. I feel so fucking hopeless, useless! I'm just watching her pace as she cries her eyes out! I'm her fucking sister, and I'm terrified to be touched! Damnit! There's something wrong with me, so fucking wrong!

So, I did the only thing I could do. I stand up, grab her hand, give it a tight squeeze, and escort her towards the couch, again. She needs to calm down, as do I. When I do so, she gives me a confused look. I never push my boundaries when it comes to situations like this. My sisters have always respected that.

"Annie… why is she gone?" Kate says in a childlike voice. Every time she calls me Annie or speaks like this, I know it's affecting her. Kate tries hard to mask her emotions, but right now, I know she can't.

"I don't know, Kate. It's life." I kiss her forehead, trying to give her as much comfort as I can through my boundaries. With this small gesture, her tough exterior is gone, as she begins to sob.

Although Kate is the youngest, she is usually strong-willed and doesn't like to show emotion, but now, she's in such hysterics. I'm sure everyone outside of my office is wondering what the hell is going. But, I don't care. Adela's dead. Suddenly, Luke comes barging in with his gun out as if we're being attacked. Someone must have thought something terrible was happening in here! Once he inspects the place and realizes there's no threat, he puts the gun away and looks at both of us with concern.

"Ma'am, what's going on? Are you okay?" Luke asks approaching me. "Someone passed by your office, saying they heard screaming and crying."

I try to recollect myself for a few moments. Then, I look up, but I can't help the tears that threaten to come. "Luke, I need to fucking soundproof my office! Nosey fuckers." I say sternly while standing up slowly, composing myself.

"I can ask Andrews to look into it later if you'd like?" I nod. "Is everything okay? Did something happen? It can't be Teddy and Alex, I've got Andrews on watch at the daycare. Are you and Ms. Kate okay?"

"Thank you, Luke. Sadly, no. We are not okay. We have lost someone near and dear to us. We just got the news. I know it's a little early, but can you please sign out Teddy and Alex from the daycare floor and get them ready to go? I have a few things to clear up here in the office, and then we will be done for the day. I also want you to call Joseph and get the jet ready for Saturday. We will be leaving for Tennessee." My voice cracks.

"My condolences, Ms. Ana. Yes, I'll go get the munchkins and meet you back up here." Before doing so, he approaches Kate and gives her a genuine look of concern.

"Ms. Kate, my deepest condolences." He puts his hand on her shoulder.

Kate automatically gets up and hugs Luke. I can't help but stifle a laugh because of how awkward Luke must feel. He looks almost robotic, while she's a blubbering mess in his arms. He decides to finally wrap his arms around her, giving her a big Luke bear hug.

"Thank you, Luke." She holds on much longer than she is supposed to, but after a couple of moments, she finally let's go.

"Now, I will get the munchkins," Luke straightens up.

"Thank you, Luke. We'll see you in the elevator," he nods and leaves my office.

I turn back to Kate. "Really, Katie? You know… you can't go holding onto Luke for dear life like that, especially in the office." I roll my eyes at her. "At home, fine. Do as you please. But, you can't go having PDA in the office. I won't allow it." I try to sound serious, but Kate just smiles at me.

"What? I couldn't help it. But, damn, did it feel good to be in his arms! A girl can dream, can't she?" Again, I roll my eyes at her statement.

"Sure. Now, let me just fix a couple of documents then we will be on our way, okay? Just sit here and try to calm down from your emotions and little fantasies of Luke, take deep breaths. Call Ellie, and we will all leave together. We will have to contact Grace and Carrick Grey and see if they need help with the arrangements." Kate just nods as she goes to sit on the couch with her phone out.

Before I begin to gather my things, I decide to ask Kate something I've been wondering since the interview that she missed for a Christian Grey. I know she had a hard time getting that interview. "By any chance, did Ms. Hudson give you any more feedback on the interview you had her do with Christian Grey?"

"No, nothing else besides the what she's already reported back to me. I just gave her the questions that I had set and ready, but I also told her not to push. Although, she was able to get a photo of him for the cover. She deserves a lot of praise for that; she did a great job! Have you seen it?"

"No, I haven't seen the cover. In fact, I haven't even seen the magazine as a whole yet, I've been swamped. I'll check it out sometime; I doubt don't it's great. You always do an amazing job. Anyways, I only saw the rough draft of the interview itself before I gave the okay to have it printed. I do admire that he talks a great deal about family and how much he loves to help people during the interview." She gives me a knowing look. "And did you see that? His last name is Grey, I-" She cuts me off.

"Just because his name his last name is Grey, it doesn't mean what you think. I have to say a lot of things are down to coincidence." She tells me. "And he reminds you of Trevor, huh?" I just nod. "It's the way he cares, how selfless he is." I nod again, not willing to speak. I can't believe she brought him up. "Ana, I know how hard it's been for you for the past four years. When Trevor passed…" I glare at her. "Well, I'll spare the details. But, I know how hard it's been for you, sis. You have to try and let go. Everything happens for a reason, and you have to believe that. You can't continue to harbor all these thoughts and feelings. I think you should start seeing a therapist again…"

"No! I will not be seeing another expensive charlatan. I refuse. Things may remind me of Trevor, that much is true. But, I'm okay, Katie. I just thought I'd ask… maybe I was wrong to." I explain, upset.

"Hey, don't get upset. It's okay, I understand. But, I'm also not that desperate to find out about these people's' private lives. Christian Grey is big in the business world, but he doesn't go out much. He's a very private person. Much like someone I know. He attends events such as galas, dinners, etc. but, we know many people that do that. In my interviews, I just like to scratch the surface and pick their brains a bit. I don't want to just dive right now; I don't know the person."

Wow, that's when she chooses not to give those business people the 'Kate Kavanagh inquisition?'

"I just can't wrap my head around it. I think it's a little odd that his last name is Grey and we know a Grey family. Although it's been years since we last spoke to them, they never mentioned having kids to us, if I remember correctly. So, maybe I'm just overthinking. It's been a long week, and I've been a mess lately, honestly."

"I think you are too, sis. Just relax. I understand where you are coming from. But, we don't keep up with their lives, ours is hectic as it is. Let's get going soon; I feel icky after all this crying." She chuckles, and I pass her a couple of tissues, just as I wipe the tears from my face.

Leave it to Kate. She can make me laugh in any situation, even if we were emotional messes moments before.

After I'm calm, I start putting things back in order on my desk and sigh. Not only am I mentally exhausted, but I'm now even more emotionally exhausted. It's been a long week, and it isn't even over yet. I gather my things and go to the restroom to fix myself before we leave for the day.

"Come on, let's get going now. The kids should be in the elevator as soon as we call it up." She just nods and exits right before me.

I lock up my office and let Hannah know what the deal is.

"Hannah, we are leaving for the day. I'm sorry for the short notice, please cancel all meetings and enjoy your weekend. We have personal matters to attend to, and I might not be in next week. I will let you know. So, please move all my appointments around and notify the department heads that Elizabeth and Kate won't be in, as well. Thank you."

"Yes, ma'am. Re-really? Thank you. Enjoy your weekend." She says surprised. This rarely ever happens. So, she must be happy.

Kate and I head to the elevator right as it opens and Teddy, Alex, and Luke are already inside.

Alex has a grumpy pout going on, while Teddy is playing with his toy action figure.

We enter the elevator and Luke pushes the button for the parking garage.

"Mommy, why are we leaving early? I didn't even get my snack! I'm soooo hungry!" Alex says huffs with her arms across her chest. This little girl and her food.

"Is that how you greet mommy and Aunt Kate?" I raise my eyebrow at the both of them.

"Not me! Hi, Aunt Katie and hi mommy! Look, Barry is running at lightning speed mommy!" Teddy says with a grin with his toy moving at "lightning speed" as he says.

"Sorry, mommy!" Alex mumbles. "Hi Aunt Katie, hi mommy. Why do you look like you crying, Aunt Katie?" Alex asks as she puts her arms up in front of Kate wanting to be held.

"Aunt Katie is just sad, little one. I got some really, really sad news." Kate picks her up and tells her with a sad expression.

"If I give Aunt Katie kisses, will she feel allll better?" Alex asks.

"Yes, how about some kisses from my little one?" Alex then begins to kiss Kate all over her face, and they both get into a fit of giggles. At least they're both smiling now.

"Mommy, I'm hungry too," Teddy says as he holds my hand and looks up at me.

"Don't worry! I have the solution for that!" I give him a wink. "Alex, Teddy, since we're heading out of the office early today… Why don't we stop by McDonald's and grab you guys something to eat, and then, we'll head home, and you can play?"

Bait, line, and sinker! I know I've got them!

"YAY! We love McDonald's mommy! I especially love when we get toys in our happy meal! That's what makes me happy and I get to eat!" Alex says with a smile, rubbing her little belly while still in Kate's arms. I knew she'd take it!

"Mommy, can I get apples in my meal instead of french fries?" Teddy asks as he tugs on my hand.

Always so healthy and eager to eat his fruits and vegetables. The total opposite of my little cookie monster, Alex.

"Of course baby, you guys can eat whatever your little heart's desire!" Kate puts Alex down because she's wiggling out of her arms. Both her and Teddy chat animatedly about their happy meals. They clap their little hands in such delight of being able to have fast food. It's the small things.

We meet Ellie on the bottom floor and head to the SUV.

After grabbing the kids food, we are now in the comfort of our home. Shortly after we have arrived, we enjoyed our late lunch prepared by Ms. Harper.

After lunch, I ask Ms. Harper if she can take the kids to the playroom and watch over them, while I have a meeting with my sisters.

We are all gathered in the living room with refreshments, and it's quiet between us. It's odd being around my sisters and it's this quiet because we're all used to our bickering and bantering around. I'm the first to speak up.

"I don't know if you've heard Ellie, but I'll say it anyway… Dad called Kate and told her that Adela Trevelyan has passed away due to a heart attack. I know this is not easy for any of us and that's why we have nothing to say, but we need to be here for each other and for Theo, Grace, and Carrick. I'm sure they are more distraught than we are." I tell them sadly.

They all just nodded without saying a word.

Silence. Just utter silence fills the room. I'm sure if a pin dropped, you'd hear it. That's how silent it is between us.

I decide to take action and call Grace Grey. I take my phone out and put it on speaker, as it rings.

No answer.

We try giving a call one more time, but there is still no answer.

I'm just going to assume that they're too busy making arrangements or are in the air to Tennessee with urgency. We sit for a few more moments in silence, and then I decide it's best if we all just relax. Kate and Ellie decide to put on some pajamas and watch some Netflix.

I wanted tonight to be focused on Teddy, Alex, and cuddles with some television playing in the background. But, I guess that won't be happening. I excuse myself to my study and get started on what we will do when we get to Tennessee.

On my way to my study, I call Hannah and have her book us a place to stay and to schedule a spa day for my sisters while we're out there. I also tell her to order an array of rose arrangements for Adela's funeral service; I only want the best for Adela. I hope Grace and Carrick won't mind; we are primarily showing up unannounced since our calls are not being answered.

I'm sure they won't.

As soon as I sit in my chair, everything comes out in the form of tears. I cry for Theo. I cry for Grace and Carrick, and I cry for my sisters and I. Such a beautiful, wonderful soul has departed this Earth, and I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye.

The woman, the one person who saved our lives and helped turned it around, is now gone and she's never coming back. I don't know how to cope with these feelings, just like how I didn't know how to cope with them years ago.

I cry for twenty minutes, then grab myself a glass of wine. I need to relax. I think about calling Grace again, but instead, I decide to call Carrick. But, just like earlier, there was no answer.

Taking a seat after taking a big gulp of wine, I turn on my laptop and begin to look up a couple of things to do in Tennessee for my family. I know for a fact that I want to spend a day at his grave after all the funeral business. I'm also thinking maybe doing something fun for the kids; they deserve it. There's going to be a lot of tears shed, and we would need a little pick me up.

An hour and a half later, I leave my study and head to my room to change into pajamas. As I am passing the family room, I see Kate and Ellie sitting on the couch watching Gossip Girl. These girls and their drama-filled shows. They love it.

After getting into my pajamas, I go in search of Alex and Teddy. I find them still in their playroom, playing with their iPads. They look so focused on what they're doing. I'm sure Alex is playing with a coloring app, and Teddy is playing Minecraft.

Teddy looks so much like his father. He is so focused with his little tongue slightly sticking out of his mouth and a "V" forming on his forehead. I decided to finally make my presence known, after watching them for a few moments.

"Hi, munchkins!"

Teddy is the first to look up. "Hi, mommy! Are you done with your meeting?"

I move some of the toys that surround Teddy, take a seat on the floor, and have him sit on my lap.

"Yes baby, mommy is done with her meeting. I'm sorry it took so long, but mommy is all yours and Alex's now." I move his copper-ish brown hair out of his face.

Alex finally acknowledges me. "Mommy! Look at this flower. I drew for you!"

She shows me a picture of what kind of looks like an orange flower.

"It looks beautiful baby, just like you!" I tell her and pinch her little nose.

"Thank you, mommy! It's pretty!" She giggles.

I tell her to come and sit in my lap, I watch as Teddy continues to build things on Minecraft, and Alex continues to draw some stick figures.

"Hey, why don't we clean up the playroom and go to mommy's room? We can lay down and watch tv. You guys can sleep with me tonight if you want? We have a flight coming up soon, so Ms. Harper will pack your clothes."

"Yes, mommy!" They say in unison and get to cleaning.

We spend about two hours just watching tv, playing go fish, and eating junk food. They deserve it since it's almost the weekend. I haven't been giving them too much attention since all this happened. So, I'm hoping a night in mommy's bed will suffice.

After our fun, I watch Teddy and Alex all cuddled up and lightly snoring. They must be so worn out, but watching them sleep is just so fascinating to me. I could watch them for hours, but then I become sleepy in the process.

I also know that I'll be able to get some sleep tonight because of these two. My nightmares cease to exist when I'm cuddled up with my munchkins. It's refreshing. If I could have them in my bed, sleeping with me all the time, I would. But, they're getting older, and I do love the fact that they're also able to sleep on their own without issue.

After such an emotional morning at the office, this is precisely what I need.

My kids.

I turn off the lights and snuggle closer to them, and then I'm out like a light.

Meanwhile in Tennessee (Theo's study)

CPOV (Carrick)

"I received a called from Annie, but I ignored it," I say, walking into Theo's study while he gets up from his desk.

"Why didn't you answer? I'm sure they heard the news from Eamon and Claire." He says as he walks over to his mini bar and pulls out two snifter glasses and a bottle of aged whiskey.

"I thought we'd have a little meeting about it first before I call back. Gracie is on her way up here. This is something we need to discuss all together." I tell him as he hands me a snifter and we clink glasses, taking a drink. Just as we both take a seat, in walks Gracie in her silk pajamas. She walks in and takes a seat next to me, looking tired as ever. She hasn't been getting much sleep, and the only time she would is after hours of crying for her mother.

I'd much rather be cuddling with her in bed while whispering sweet promises that everything will be okay and that all that has happened to her mother... is life.

I decide it's best that I start the conversation. "Theo, Annie has not only called me, but she's also called Grace twice. I told her not to answer as well." I say and look at my wife who hangs her head in shame.

"I was so happy that she called, but once I told Carrick, he told me to ignore all her calls for now. It made me feel… horrible, ashamed. I was there for Annie all those years ago. I saw how mom looked at her, how much she adored her. It kills me that she must be so hurt by all of this too. Adela saw those girls like they were her own daughters, and I wouldn't doubt they felt the same way about her…" She trails off.

I know this hurts her, hell, it hurts me. I adored and cared about those girls almost as much as my own kids. But, this also poses an issue. With Christian here in Tennessee, it is highly likely that the Kavanagh's will show up for the funeral service. We promised on no reminders and him seeing them might just bring something up from his past that he may not want to face. Christian has been able to live a relatively normal life without issue. He's bonded not only with me but with our whole family and close family friends. He's been able to make something of himself, and I couldn't be more proud.

"Grace, I know how you feel, and I'm sure Adela would not approve of those decisions we had to make and are still making, but Carrick is right. This needs to be discussed, and it's good you didn't answer the call. I'm sure by now, she's seen or heard about 'Christian Grey,' and it may have been years since they've possibly seen each other, but there's no doubt in my mind that they'd remember something about each other if they encountered. Way back when, they spent a lot of time together in Adela's garden, surprisingly. I could even say that back then, he was smitten with her. He was one of the only people that she connected with. I was shocked. Sometimes I'd look out the window and watch her reading to him under the big tree." Theo explains to the both of us, and it proves how much more of a problem this might be.

"My point exactly. I will give Annie a call back tonight after this, and then I think it's best that we just ignore her calls from there on out. I understand that she might be calling with good intentions and for Adela. But, I think it's best we don't engage any further. We need to think about Christian and how this might affect him. There are two ways that this could go…

"What if she remembers him and he doesn't? Although, if he doesn't act any alarming way towards her, and they can remain casual, friendly without issue... That would be great, easy, comfortable. We wouldn't have to explain anything to anyone.

But, what if remembers him and memories come rushing back? Then, he suddenly lashes out the same way he did when the Pierce's walked into that hospital room, and it'll just continue to go wrong from there. That would be much harder to explain." I take a sip of whiskey and look at my wife who seems so heartbroken by all of this. I grab her hand and give it a light kiss.

"Honey, I think it's best that we somehow prepare Christian for this. We should tell him that he will be seeing people that have touched Adela's life and that he doesn't have to engage if he chooses not to. We shouldn't let this experience overwhelm him. If he just wants to sit in the pews and be left there, let's not push him. He isn't obligated to mingle around with us." I explain and hope that both Theo and Grace take into full consideration what I'm telling them.

"You're right," Grace sighs heavily. "I think it's best we talk to Christian first and ask how he feels about being around so many people. We all know how well-loved Adela was. Also, I think it wouldn't concern anyone as to why he isn't socializing. No one can fault anyone for that. We all know how hard it is for Christian to open up to people who aren't family or those he's so accustomed to being around. We can't force him to do anything. Maybe when he sees Anastasia at the funeral service, he won't react at all. In his mind, she could just be another person in the crowd who is there for Adela." She shrugs.

I can only hope.

"Then, I think it's settled. And between you, Theo, and I… I think it's best that we treat Annie and her family, if she brings them, just like we would the rest of those attending. We don't have to treat them as strangers, but let's try not to bring up the past. Let's try not to show any favoritism towards them, as hard as that is. Are you both okay with that?" I look at Theo first because I have a feeling he might disagree.

"I don't know if I can do that," he says. I was right. "But, I will try my hardest. You know how much I adored all three of those girls. Adela and I loved them like they were our own. We saw them when they were vulnerable and scared, but we also saw them begin to open up and become more social slowly. I can't just ignore those memories or feelings. I haven't seen them in years, but I've followed their success. I haven't interfered like I wanted to, but I would love to catch up with them, more so than I do with others." He explains, and I see the internal conflicts pass through his face.

This is hard for all of us, I hope he knows that.

"You know my feelings about this, Cary. I will try, but I can't say that I won't smother those girls with all my love when I see them. I saw those girls when they were beaten down, vulnerable and in such a state that no one would ever wish to see." I see her eyes water, and I set my snifter down and hug my wife.

"I know, Gracie, I know," I coo, trying to give her much comfort as I can. I know I'm asking a lot from these two, especially at a time like this. But, I needed them to understand how many ways this could possibly go wrong. "Why don't you head to bed now, honey? I'll just finish my drink and meet you there." I kiss her on her temple, and she just nods, saying goodnight to both Theo and me, and then walks out the door.

"I know how tough it is for her. I feel the same way." Theo says out loud as he finishes his whiskey. "I know we made a vow all those years ago, but I fear that one day, it'll backfire on us. Christian may not like how we made those decisions without him. We wanted him to live his life on his terms, but what are we doing keep all these things away from him? Threatening those who want to have him in their lives? What does this make us?" He says as he stands up from his desk and goes towards the door, "it's just something to think about. It weighs on me, day in and day out. I don't regret having Christian as part of our family, but I'm starting to feel guilty with more secrets we're having to pile on…" he trails off and then leaves me alone in his study.

I'm now left alone nursing however much whiskey is left in my snifter and my thoughts. I understand where they are both coming from, I honestly do. But, I think they fail to see how much Christian has connected with our family, with me. I think they fail to understand the how much damage the past can do to him. I saw the initial reaction he had to the Pierce's, I saw the fear in his eyes, and in that moment, I swore to myself that I'd never want to see that much fear in those gray eyes again. You can call it whatever you want, but in that moment, without a doubt, I realized how protective I was of him.

Like a father would be of his son.

I finish what's left of my whiskey and pull my phone out. I think it's time that I call Annie and let her know exactly what's going on.

"Carrick," I hear her voice on the other line, and a small smile creeps up on my face. I haven't heard from her voice in so long, and it's good to hear it. She didn't talk much in the time that she spent here, in Tennessee, but when she did speak, we couldn't help but be happy.

"Hi Annie, how are you?"

"I've been well. It's been awhile since we've last spoke. We heard about Adela from mom and dad. We're so sorry for your loss, Carrick. Please extend that to Theo and Grace." I hear her voice crack. I know this is hard for her too. "We're actually heading out to Tennessee bright and early Saturday morning."

"Thank you, Annie. We're happy that you guys can come. I'm sure Theo would appreciate that."

"Of course! We wouldn't miss it for the world. Adela was our angel, our savior. It wouldn't sit right with us to not attend."

"I get that. I'll email you the details of the funeral arrangements."

"Sounds great, we'll likely head straight there depending on the time. Look, I've got a question. Do you know anything about Chris-" I cut her off. I know exactly what she's about to ask.

She's going to ask me about Christian Grey. "I've got to go, Annie. It's late. I'll just see you tomorrow." I've got to shut this down right now.

"But, wait, I just want to know if-" I hang up. I knew she was always smart. I was always hopeful that she'd think or be convinced that all of this was up to coincidence.

Maybe I should have given her a chance to ask, so I could say something to erase that from her mind momentarily.

I know it's rude, but I've already told her that I have to go. I get up from my seat and set my snifter down. Heading out the door, I can't explain exactly how I feel about how tomorrow will go. My only hope is that it doesn't all go downhill. It's already going to be as emotional as is; we don't need to add to it with our past discretions coming to light.

Those girls have always been a joy to watch grow and be around, but now I fear that it may take a turn for the worse.

As I lay in bed next to Grace, who is sleeping soundly for the first time in days... I can't help but think about everything we talked about in Theo's study.

Am I going about this all wrong?

Oh, Carrick... What to do, what to do... ;)

Huge and exciting news: My amazing and talented friend, Erica Marselas who is the author of 'Watching You' and 'Playing with Fire' is coming out with her next book, Dirty Little Secrets on April 16th, 2018! (So close! I can almost taste it!) You can purchase all of her books on Amazon! (You won't regret it!) PRE-ORDER for Dirty Little Secrets are happening as we speak! And trust me, you don't want to miss out on all the fun ;)

As always, thank you all for reading and don't forget to leave me a review!

See you all next chapter update! x