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IT FEELS LIKE THE VERY FIRST TIME

1:36AM - Central City

January 18th, 2017

Lisa Snart is not a fragile woman. She does not simply bend or break. Nor is she easily swayed. Life has taught her that weakness is worthless.

Yet, as she and Mick stand in her living room, Lisa cannot stop shaking. Adrenaline pumps through her, making her skittish and alert. The bruise covering the right side of her face throbs painfully. A cut on her lip still stings from when Sam Scudder's fist had split it open a few hours earlier.

He'd found her walking home from a neighborhood bar. She was alone and without her Gold Gun - stupidly. After being jumped and shoved up against a wall she'd tried to fight back. Sam was bigger, though, and able to knock her on her ass easily enough.

"Lovely Lisa," he'd cooed down at her. "Take this as a warning. The Rogues have a new leader now and we have a score to settle with the Snart's. Best you run and tell your dearest brother."

He left her crumpled on the concrete, bloody and marred. She had to pick herself up and woozily stagger back to her apartment complex and up the stairs to her unit. It was a miracle that she hadn't passed out.

She can't help glancing over her shoulder to the door every other minute. And she can't shake the restless nagging at the back of her mind. Everything's fine. The lie doesn't help; she shudders.Get it together.

She looks at Mick, who frowns at the television. His eyes blaze. A reporter relays information regarding the latest bank heists involving the Legion of Doom.

And her brother. Her brother who is suddenly (miraculously?) alive. Alive and neglecting her.

Lenny, how could you? Her breathing quickens. Lisa shivers and looks over her shoulder again.

"No one's gonna touch yah while I'm here," Mick rumbles. He still doesn't look at her.

She lets out an unsteady sigh and nods. "Thanks. I'm alright."

"Doesn't look like it."

Lisa drops her eyes. "Scudder got me pretty good, huh?"

"Scudder's fucking dead," Mick insists. His eyes flame at the statement and the frown on his face hardens. "The second I see him, I'm gonna kill the bastard."

She knows he'll do it. Mick never backs down. His temper and brutality will ensure it. Scudder might as well pick out a coffin. Or rather an urn, provided that Mick will surely roast him to ashes.

The news continues. "...and if anyone has any information, anything at all , please call the police…" Lenny's picture flashes on the screen.

"How long?" Mick grunts.

Lisa shakes her head. Tears prick her eyes, threatening to spill. "I don't know. A while." She sighs and rubs her hands over her arms.

"A while." He repeats, as if the words are foreign to him. Finally, he looks over at her and notices her uncontrollable shaking. "What's the matter?"

It's all she can handle. Strong as she is, Lisa Snart is broken. She bites her bottom lip in an attempt to keep calm. It's completely useless and she only feels anxiety rush through her. She blinks and meets Mick's curious gaze.

"I, uh," she gulps. ""I-I think I'm having a panic attack."

His eyebrows shoot up. "Panic? Over what?" He looks around the living room.

"I-I…" She sways on her feet, feeling nauseous. Over everything.

Quickly, Mick is in front of her, the fire in his eyes coated with concern. "Calm down."

But she can't. Her vision blurs and she chokes on air - because apparently her fucking lungs don't work anymore.

"Hey," Mick grabs her shoulders and holds her firmly. "Ease up, kid. Take a breath."

I'm trying! Lisa wants to scream. A tingly, pricking sensation agitates her body, making her jerk and pant in alarm. Dizziness overwhelms her as a white noise fills her ears. Her knees wobble and start to give out.

"Shit!" Mick grunts. Without hesitation, he bends down and scoops her up in his arms. He carries her to the couch and softly sits her down before retrieving a glass of water from the kitchen. He places it on the coffee table and kneels down in front of her. "Look at me."

Her breath remains ragged and she's suddenly aware that tears streak down her cheeks. She can't collect her bearings - not while her body rattles and sways while the world around her seemingly spins.

"Lisa, look at me. Now."

She snaps her eyes open. And is met with a pair written with concern. "Breathe." Mick keeps his voice low, soft. He reaches for the water he'd set down and holds it out for her. "Drink."

She takes it, swallows too much too fast, and practically chokes in a fit of coughs. Mick grabs the glass from her shaking hands. "What'd yah think was gonna happen?" He frowns at her. "Slow down. Breathe."

She glimpses at the front door again, fearing danger waits on the other side. Scudder saw me crawling back home, she's convinced.

Mick places his hands on her knees to bring her attention back to him. "Lisa," he says gruffly. "Stop lookin' at the door, kid. Look at me."

Embarrassed, Lisa casts her eyes down. "I-I'm sorry. I'm a-a wreck right now." She sniffles and wipes a few tears away.

He shakes his head. "Just calm down, alright?" When she trembles again, he squeezes her knees to keep them from shaking. "You're okay now. I'm here. No one is gettin' through that door."

"How long are you here for?" She knows she sounds pathetic. But she can't be alone tonight, not with her rising hysteria and Sam Scudder gunning for her. Not with Lenny suddenly resurrected and seemingly omitting her.

"I got 'til the end of the month, unless something comes up and I get the call." He sounds apologetic, like he knows he should stay.

Lisa nods and averts her eyes again. She couldn't ask him to halt his life for her, he had...obligations. And she is a grown woman. She shouldn't lean on Mick so much. It's not his job to babysit me. She shivers again.

Mick grabs the nearest blanket and wraps it around Lisa's shoulders. "You wanna tell me what happened?"

She wipes away more tears, the question reminding her of Lenny. She'd always told him everything. He'd known every detail of what went on in her life. Now, however...

Shrugging, Lisa can't meet Mick's waiting stare. "I got jumped. What's there to tell?"

"Where'd he get yah?" He doesn't let it go. "When did it happen?"

"A couple hours ago; block or two down the street," She answers faintly. She waits for a sharp comment from him, like he usually gives whenever she fucks up. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Never be off your guard.

Mick looks furious but he keeps his voice controlled as he speaks. "What'd he tell you?"

Lisa winces, "That the Rogues have a new leader. And they're comin' for me and Lenny."

Mick shakes his head, his fists clenching and that familiar blaze of anger threatening to resurface. "They ain't gonna touch you. They do and they'll burn."

"It's alright," she tries. "It's -"

"It's not alright," he rumbles. His chest heaves as he struggles to keep himself in check. "I'm gonna handle Scudder and his gang. You don't need to think about them anymore."

Lisa offers him a small smile and whispers "Thank you". She pulls the blanket tighter around her shoulders and leans into the couch, resting her head back. "Will you stay tonight?"

He nods and rises from the floor to take a seat next to her. "Think I should." He looks her over with his brow creased. "How yah doing?"

A shiver racks through her. "I don't know. I think I'll be okay. I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologise'," he waves it off. "Focus on calmin' yourself."

Lisa lets out an uneasy breath. Her head feels heavy and chaotic with anxiety. And that prickling feeling still plagues her. "I'm dizzy as fuck," she admits.

"Lie back," Mick instructs. "You gotta feel grounded."

She obeys and tilts her body down. She closes her eyes, inhales deeply, tries to relax. Breathe.

Mick grabs her bare feet and places them in his lap, giving her room to stretch her legs, rather than scrunch up on one side of the couch. He holds his hands over them, offering something solid and stable for her to focus on. She takes comfort in it and lets herself sink into the cushions of the couch.

"Thank you," she says again. For coming back.

Mick squeezes her feet in response. "Feel better?"

"Mhm," Lisa answers, nerves declining and a sense of security surrounding her.

"And if it gets worse?"

Her lips twitch into a smile, "I'll let you know. I promise."

Mick grunts his approval and settles against the couch. They fall silent; nothing but the television filling the room with sound.

Over time Lisa calms and is able to control her shaking. She lays contently, barely able to pay attention to whatever late night show now played on her TV. Mick hasn't moved and keeps her toes covered and warm beneath his large hands. She wiggles them slightly and he squeezes back. He's here now. It'll all be okay.

It's not long before sleep finds her.

The moment Lenny stepped out of the unfamiliar car, she sprinted into her brother's embrace. He chuckled and staggered from her momentum. "You're so tall now," he croaked out.

"I missed you," She muttered into his chest. He held her tight and kissed the top of her head.

"Missed you too, kid."

She smiled and looked up at him, cherishing the familiar sharp blue eyes and loving smile she'd missed for two years. "Are you okay? How was it? I'm so sorry you didn't get any of my letters -"

He squeezed her tighter and cut her off. "I'm fine, Lisa. It was fine. You don't need to hear about it, alright? Are you okay, though? Anything I should know about?"

She bit her lip. She wasn't okay. And she should tell him. She told him everything. "Dad kicked me out. I'm not supposed to be here right now."

"He kicked you out?" Lenny growled. "You're eight years old!" He tried to pull away from her, but she held him tighter.

"It was my fault. Probably." She shut her eyes. She could feel the tension in his body, the anger. "I don't know. He was drunk again and I asked him for grocery money. He told me to fuck off and get out. That was last night."

"Jesus, Lisa." Her brother rubbed her back in an attempt to comfort her. "I'm so sorry. I was still in a cell last night. Didn't get released until early this morning. If I could've gotten out -"

"It's okay," she stopped him. "I hid in the alley until he passed out. Then I sneaked back in and went to bed. He left this morning and didn't even know I was there."

Lenny shook his head. "You should have gone to the neighbor's house."

"I'm there too much as it is." Her voice was soft, embarrassed. "Please, Lenny. You just got back. Don't let dad spoil it."

"We'll figure this out," he said firmly. "I'll get a place somewhere he can't find us, okay?"

She smiled, about to answer in agreement when a low, rumbling voice interrupted their private moment. "I got a place you can stay."

Lenny pulled away from her, turning towards the voice. Lisa whipped her head to the right and for the first time took notice of a young man standing a few feet away from them. His eyes jumped from Lenny to her. He frowned deeply, brow furrowed and arms crossed over his chest. He didn't seem much older than her brother, but he certainly looked burlier. And meaner. He looked much, much meaner than Lenny.

Her brother shook his head, "We'll be alright. I know a couple -"

"You're too scrawny to be out on the streets alone. And that fuckin' cocky mouth you got will get your head knocked off."

"Who is that?" Lisa whispered, grabbing a fistful of her brother's t-shirt. She leaned into him, shying from the stranger who stared at her.

Lenny's blue eyes narrowed and he was quiet as he regarded the other teenager. "His name's Mick." He wrapped an arm around Lisa's shoulders and squeezed them soothingly. "He's a...friend. And...we're going with him for a few days, alright? Say hi."

Lisa flushed red and cast her eyes down to her feet, shuffling them awkwardly on the sidewalk. "H-hi Mick," she murmured, shyly.

Silence followed and hung between the three of them, with Mick's eyes blazing while he looked her over. Lisa snuck a glance up at her brother's "friend" and met his unblinking gaze.

His frown became an amused smirk and his voice rumbled a low, "Hi."

Lenny squeezed her shoulder, calming her nerves. "Go get whatever you need out of the house."

She blinked and looked to him. "I don't have any stuff."

"What about clothes?"

Lisa held out her arms, looked down at her attire, and shrugged. "This is it."

He pursed his lips together in anger and pulled her into another tight hug. "I'll get you new stuff, okay? And a whole shit ton of clothes. Whatever you want." He kissed the top of her head again. "Just give me some time to get some money first. Might take a while, honestly. But I promise, Lisa, I'm gonna take care of you until the day I die."

He led her to the car he'd arrived in and shut the door behind her before taking his own seat in the front. They locked eyes briefly in the rearview mirror. Neither spoke, but shared a nod of agreement - this was the best option for both of them. Mick came around to the front and took the driver's seat, quietly twisting the key in the ignition and starting the vehicle.

They pulled away. And did not look back.

When Lisa wakes it's with a jolt. She sits up, dazed and frantic at once; wildly twisting her head to survey her surroundings. Rays of sunshine pouring in through her window reveal that it's daytime, probably morning. The television is still on, another round of the daily news streaming across the screen. Lisa barely hears it, though the video footage is (again) of the Legion of Doom. Apparently Central City feels quite threatened.

She's alone, the other end of her couch now unoccupied.

"Mick?" Lisa calls tentatively. Silence answers her. She frowns. He left? She shouldn't be so surprised. It's not like he's never sporadically taken off before.

Then, from down the hall, the toilet flushes and a faucet runs.

The sounds calm her, as embarrassing as it is. When Mick comes down the hallway and into the living room, he stops near the couch and looks down at her. She gives him a small smile. "Hi."

He says nothing.

"I'm fine, Mick."

He narrows his gaze, like he's waiting for her to have another break down.

"Really," Lisa asserts. "I'm okay now. And you know," she shrugs, "thanks for everything."

He grunts in reply, his stare disbelieving and harsh. He frowns at her, though Lisa can't determine why. Last night he'd been collected, a stability in her time of vulnerability. Here and now she sees a fire blazing within him.

"You're goin' to the Waverider."

Well, then. She blinks. "What about my brother?"

Mick lets out a heavy sigh."I don't know," his voice is low and throaty. "Lemme handle Scudder first."

"I could go see Lenny," Lisa offers. Her brother may be completely ignoring her, but she could trail him and possibly speak with him. Warn him about the Rogues. He'll listen to her, he has to.

"You can't see him." The words are firm and Mick does not look at her as he speaks. Anger practically radiates from him. His fists are clenched tightly, knuckles white. His brow is furrowed; mouth set in a deep scowl.

Lisa arches an eyebrow. "Is that what we're going to do? Fight?"

"You can't go see him, Lisa." He repeats.

She smirks. "Guess we're fighting."

Mick ignores the comment and switches his heated stare pointedly at her. "Don't go lookin' for him; don't get involved at all. I will take care of this. Understand?"

"Excuse me?" Her temper rises and she jumps from her seat and rounds the couch to confront him. This was her brother he was speaking of! He will not talk down to her about her own flesh and blood. "Since when do you -"

"You are not getting involved!" He leaves no room for bargain.

"You, of all people, cannot tell me what to do!"

"I can when it comes to your safety!" Mick bellows, stepping towards her. All the control he'd held the night before has vanished. He flares with ferocity, looking wild and unpredictable. With only a few strides he closes the space between them.

She stands soundly, unwilling to cower. This is not the first time he has charged at her. And Lisa reasons that it will not be the last.

But, just as Mick is about to reach her, he abruptly stops himself short. His chest heaves. His fists clench. He takes in a deep breath, let's it out. Finally, in a strained voice he pleads, "Listen to me, kid. Your brother died."

"You just saw him on the -"

"No, Lisa." He growls at her, a flash of that familiar mania resurfacing. "Your brother died. And I know that's fucked up for you. But, you cannot go anywhere near this other guy. That ain't your brother."

"It's him, Mick." Lisa insists, shaking her head and refusing to listen to him. He doesn't understand. He can't. Lenny was her brother. They had a connection - have a connection.

Mick runs a rough hand over his face and glares at her stubbornly. "Lisa, if that were your brother, why the fuck hasn't he come to see you? Why's he off with the fucking Legion of Doom, instead of coming here and checking on you?"

She starts as if to answer. But finds she cannot. Lenny would have come immediately. She snaps her mouth shut and averts her eyes.

"Snart loved you more than anyone on this fucking planet," Mick frowns. "And he wouldn't want you gettin' into something that could get yah hurt or fuckin' killed. And that -" he points to the surveillance footage Channel 52 replayed. "- will get you killed."

Lisa rolls her eyes. "You act like I can't take care of myself."

"You can't!" He throws his arms out, gesturing as if the statement is obvious .

It only enrages Lisa. "Fuck you! I broke you out of prison two years ago!"

Mick smirks. "Want an award? You pulled a few goods jobs under Snart's orders. That was one of 'em."

She scoffs and folds her arms. "I've done plenty on my own."

"You ain't a match for the Legion of Doom." His voice is deep, serious. "They got a Speedster." He crosses his muscled arms over his chest. "Might be faster than the Flash and he's twisted, evil. What happens when he gets a hold of yah?"

"I'd be fine," she deflects. "I know how to -"

"You'd be fucked." He shakes his head and talks over her. "Actin' tough ain't gonna be enough, kid."

"I'm more than enough." She believes it. Lenny taught her well.

"Tell that to Scudder," Mick jabs.

It hurts, of course. And she knows he's right; she got her ass handed to her - but worse than that, Scudder got inside her head. She tries to ignore the sting and glares. "Thanks, prick. But Scudder got lucky. I wasn't watching. I could've -"

"Godfuckingdamnit, Lisa!" Mick roars, whirling around and walking away from her, blazing with madness. When he looks to her again, he's reddening and furious. "I'll knock your ass out and drag you to the Waverider right fucking now if you don't shut up and listen to me!"

Without thought she's across the living room and in Mick's face, screaming, "Do it! You fucking bastard!" She shoves him, pissed that he could come to her home and make commands of her.

"You boarded that fucking ship with him!" She feels a burst of emotion rush through her, everything she'd felt since the moment Lenny and Mick had rocketed out of her life. She blinks away tears that prick her eyes. "You went with him on that stupid fucking thing!"

"Yeah," he nods, jaw set and scowl deep. His eyes flame with danger. But, to his credit, he does not raise a hand to her. "I did. And the whole damn time I said it was bad idea."

"But you still went!" Lisa wails. "You both left." She shoves him again. He hardly stumbles, his size being massive compared to hers, and absorbs the impact. She's fuming and careless; her split lip stings with each word she throws at him.

Still, she cannot stop. "You left me behind, you ass hole! You left! You choose your stupid fucking team - people you barely even know - over me! You don't get to come in and out of my life now and tell me what to do! You chose them!"

She throws a fist to his jaw. She knows he's quick enough, and strong enough, to catch her punch in his grasp. But he lets it connect to his face and his head snaps to the side.

"You fucking chose them!" Lisa screams again, her voice growing hoarse and tears threatening to spill down her cheeks.

Mick says nothing as he looks up at her, his expression a mystery. He's always tense and ferocious. But right now he looks at her with something behind the fire that burns. It does nothing to settle her nerves. Never trust a person you can't read. And still, he does not touch her. He runs a hand over his lips to wipe away blood.

Lisa glares at him and tries to even her breathing. He stares back. Neither move.

And that is when her front door is kicked in.

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