My 190-Pound Life

by crazyassCas

12 years ago, Dean underwent a life-changing surgery that completely turned his life around. He's stuck to the lifestyle changes, and he never thought he'd get this far. When he meets Cas, a chubby stoner in his mid-twenties, everything is perfect. But when Cas' lifestyle choices threaten everything Dean's worked so hard to achieve, he's faced with a difficult decision. Rating: MA

2. Chapter 2

A/N: Holy shit... so I know it's been a month and a half, and I'm so sorry that this took forever! When I first uploaded chapter 1, I had most of the rest written out already. But, I got a better response than I was expecting, so I decided to add some stuff in- make it a little longer. So chapter 2 has been split into two, and more scenes have been added, which is why this took me so long to upload. I also don't use a beta, so it's all up to me to check for errors and make sure everything sounds right, lol. So if you notice anything off, don't hesitate to let me know! Anyway I hope you guys like it... There's a bit more angst in this chapter as we see more of what goes on between Cas and his mom, and... well, I won't spoil the cliffhanger. Your reviews give me life, so if you like it, please let me know! :3
P.S. - This fic takes place in 2017. I know Fantastic Beasts came out last year, but in this story it comes out in 2017 for the purpose of convenience. lol.

You can find me on tumblr at casorderspizza (how appropriate for this story... lol)

---

Cas awoke the next morning to rough paw pads kicking at his shin. As he regained consciousness, he realized it was Floyd shifting in his sleep. At some point during the night he'd wormed his way beneath the blanket at the foot of the bed. Cas turned his head, and Dean was passed out next to him, mouth open as he snored and arm tucked behind his head.

Cas took the time to study his features, as he'd been too nervous on their first date, and too stoned the night before, before they turned the lights off to watch TV. His cheeks and across the bridge of his nose were dusted with freckles, and his teeth, visible as his mouth hung open, were pearly white and perfectly straight.

Then he noticed a scar along the underside of Dean's arm. It was thin and white, faded with age, and only really visible because of the sun pouring in through the window behind Cas. It ran almost from his elbow, all the way down the length of the underside of his upper arm, disappearing beneath the sleeve of his shirt towards his armpit.

Cas stared at it for a moment, wondering what it was from. He'd never seen a scar like that before. But he had to look away before he could think too much about it, because Dean licked his lips and and blinked his eyes open.

Green eyes stared up at the ceiling for a moment, then they rolled over to settle on Cas. "Mornin'," Dean said, his voice thick with sleep.

"Good morning."

Dean gave him a sleepy smile. "When'd you wake up?"

"Mm...maybe two minutes ago," Cas responded, bringing one hand up from beneath the covers to rub his eye. He briefly wondered if Dean would kiss him good morning, but he figured maybe it was too early for that. He knew he was too nervous to initiate one with Dean so early on, after only one night together, so maybe Dean felt the same.

Dean gave a small nod and closed his eyes again. "What time is it?"

"I'm not sure," Cas replied. He rolled over and reached down to the floor, pulling his cell phone, which was nearly dead, from the pocket of his jeans. "Quarter to ten."

Dean nodded and sighed, lying still for a moment before opening his eyes and throwing the covers off. "I'm gonna put your shirt in the wash and start on breakfast."

Okay. So definitely no good morning kiss. "Okay. Thank you."

"No problem." Dean slowly stood up, stretching his arms above his head and forcing out a little groan. He then walked around the bed and bent down to pick up Cas' shirt from the floor.

Once he left, Cas threw the blanket off, sat up, and swung his legs over the edge of the mattress. He put his socks back on, then stood up and pulled on his jeans. He made another attempt to pull down the hem of Dean's shirt, hoping maybe all the pizza was the reason it didn't fit last night. It fit better, but it still wouldn't stay put, revealing a small sliver of his skin. He lowered his head and sighed dramatically. He didn't really get why Dean seemed to like him so much- the guy was fucking perfect, and he was just... Cas. While he knew there wasn't anything particularly wrong with being overweight (despite what his mother said), he also knew that other people didn't exactly see it as desirable, either.

When he entered the kitchen, Dean had his back to him, cooking on the stove as Floyd munched on kibble from a bowl on the floor.

"Omelette okay?" Dean asked.

"Anything's fine," Cas said awkwardly. "Thank you. I'm just, um... going to go out for a cigarette first." He pointed weakly towards the back door, but Dean's back was turned.

"Mind takin' Floyd with you?"

"Do you want me to walk him?"

"Nah, thanks though. Just take him out back with you."

Cas hesitated. It had been too dark the night before to tell if the yard was fenced in or not, and he didn't want Floyd to run away. "...He won't run off?" he asked.

Dean chuckled, still not turning around. "Nope. We've walked this neighborhood millions of times. Nothin' he hasn't seen."

"...Okay," Cas said, still a little unsure. He really didn't want to be responsible if Floyd took off. He headed towards the door and Floyd left his now-empty bowl to follow him. When Cas opened the door, he pushed past him and picked up speed, and Cas' heart jumped into his throat.

But once he got off the patio and onto the grass, he slowed down and took a right, heading over to a bush and lifting his leg. Cas smiled, relieved, and walked over to the chairs, plopping down on one and lighting a cigarette. He tugged the shirt down again- still to no avail, but it was just habit to try. He told himself he had to stop, though, or he was going to stretch out Dean's shirt.

He watched Floyd wander around for a while, lifting his leg in a few spots and then finally pooping in the far corner of the yard. Cas was just finishing his cigarette when Floyd began walking back, so he snuffed it out in the ashtray and stood up. Forgetting he'd just scolded himself moments earlier, he tugged the shirt down again and walked back to the backdoor, letting himself and Floyd back inside.

Dean was seated at the table, fiddling with his phone. Two plates and two cups of coffee were set out, and there was a half gallon of milk and a stick of butter in the center.

"He did all of his business," Cas said, taking a seat across the table and glancing down at his plate. Dean had made him what looked like a three egg omelette, and a piece of toast.

Dean set his phone down next to his plate and looked up. "Awesome. Thank you."

"No problem."

Dean waved his hand towards the center of the table, towards the milk and salt and pepper shakers. "I dunno how you like it. Do you need sugar?"

"I drink my coffee black, thank you, but, um..." Cas looked down at his plate. "Do you have ketchup?"

"Yep." Dean grabbed the milk and stood up, turning around and opening the refrigerator door. He put the milk back in and retrieved a bottle of ketchup, setting it down on the table as he sat back in his seat. "Please don't tell me you put that on mac and cheese, too."

Cas crinkled his nose as he shook a generous amount of salt onto his eggs. "Hell no."

"Good," Dean said, picking up his fork, "'Cause that's just gross."

Cas put the salt shaker back and picked up the bottle of ketchup. He squirted a little bit onto his omelette, then snapped the cap closed again and set it down. "...Why is yours, like, gray?" he asked cautiously, eyeing Dean's plate. Dean's was smaller than his, probably consisting of one egg, and was a weird, off-white color.

"'Cause it's only the whites of the egg."

Cas nodded, reaching forward to grab the knife and butter his toast. He took a bite and as he chewed, he squinted at Dean across the table. "So, are you, like, a health nut or something?"

Dean snorted a laugh and shook his head. "No. But the small shit adds up."

Cas didn't say anything, instead cutting a piece off the omelette with his fork and bringing it to his mouth. "This is really good," he mumbled.

"Thank you."

"My mom's cooking fucking sucks," he said, once he'd swallowed and washed it down with a swig of coffee. "And if I try to make my own food, she bitches at me about not eating hers."

"My mom's a great cook," Dean said. "Too good."

Cas tilted his head in confusion. "Too good?"

"Yep. Couldn't stop eating her cooking." Understatement of the year. "Especially her pies. Holy shit." His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he let out an exaggerated moan.

Cas chuckled and dropped his eyes back down to his plate. "I prefer cake, myself-" He glanced up to see Dean holding his hand to his chest and feigning offence. "...But pie's good too."

"Damn right pie is good," Dean said, pointing his fork at Cas.

They finished their food in silence. Once Dean took his last bite, he stood up, leaning forward and taking Cas' plate and dropping them both into the sink.

"I'm gonna go throw your shirt in the dryer."

Cas was getting a little worried. Dean seemed kind of quiet so far and in quite the hurry to get his shirt washed, and he hoped it wasn't because Dean wanted him to leave. He really liked Dean, and he didn't want to go home yet. As he sat alone in the kitchen, he realized that maybe Dean had just noticed that his shirt didn't fit Cas that well. ...How embarrassing.

When Dean came back, he went straight to the sink and started washing the dishes. "So, d'you, like, want to do something today, or...?"

"Sure," Cas responded from the table, trying not to sound overeager. He was relieved that Dean didn't want to get rid of him, and he was very happy that he wanted to spend more time together. He reached down into his pocket for his bag of weed.

Dean glanced over his shoulder. "Like what?"

As long as I'm hanging out with you, I don't even care, he wanted to say. Instead, he shrugged. "I don't care. Whatever."

Dean finished washing the dishes and set the last sink in the drain. He turned around and leaned back on the edge of the sink, watching as Cas rolled a joint on the table.

"Dude, it isn't even noon."

Cas glanced up and raised an eyebrow. "So?"

Dean's face broke into a grin. "You're a regular stoner, aren't you?"

Cas lifted the joint to his lips, licking along the length and sealing it. "Yep. Want some?"

Dean chuckled, shaking his head in amusement. "Sure."

---

May

In the last hour since their morning walk, Dean had spent it on the couch with Floyd, looking for something on TV. Nothing caught his attention, though, so he focused on rubbing Floyd's ears.

"Hey, why don't we go visit Cas at work, huh?"

Floyd lifted his head and turned big brown eyes on Dean.

"Get you a new toy. How's that sound?"

Floyd tilted his head.

"You want a new toy?" Dean asked enthusiastically.

Floyd jumped up into a standing position, staring Dean down, tail wagging excitedly. Dean chuckled. "I'll take that as a yes. Let's go." He stood up and Floyd jumped down from the couch to follow Dean to the door, where Dean leashed him up and they headed to the car.

When he pulled into the PetSmart parking lot, he parked on the far right, near where the employees parked, so he could walk Floyd in the strip of grass before going inside. Car rides always got him excited, which made him have to pee. After Floyd lifted his leg on a bush, they headed towards the building. As he turned and faced the store, he noticed a figure hunched over around the side of the building, and as he got closer, he realized it was Cas. He couldn't see his face, but he recognized his messy black hair.

Cas was sitting on the edge of a concrete slab, near the loading dock, elbows on his knees and head in his hands. A cigarette was tucked between the fingers of his left hand, and by the amount of ash accumulating on the tip, Dean figured it had been a few minutes since he'd taken a drag.

"Hey," he said when Cas didn't notice him approach.

Cas' head snapped up, the ash falling from his cigarette, and Dean noticed that his eyes were slightly red. But Cas mustered a smile anyway. "Hey."

"What's wrong?" Dean asked immediately.

Cas' smile faded and he sighed, looking away. "Nothing."

Dean moved to sit down next to him, as Floyd began sniffing his pant leg. "Come on, Cas, talk to me."

Cas pursed his lips, as if he was thinking about it, but then he shook his head. "It's nothing. Just... my mom said some pretty shitty things to me today. I don't usually let her get to me, but... today I wasn't very successful." He paused and took a deep breath. "But I'll be fine."

Dean frowned, watching Cas take a long drag on his cigarette. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Cas shook his head again. "Not really."

Dean nodded. If Cas didn't want to talk about it, he was going to respect that, but he hoped that Cas would open up to him eventually. "Okay." He watched as Cas tossed his cigarette butt to the ground and stomped on it. "Well, Floyd and I thought we would come visit you. He needs a new toy." He paused. "Are you on lunch?"

"No," Cas answered. "I'm on a ten. I don't get lunch for another few hours."

"Oh, that sucks. Next time I'll text you ahead of time and come on your lunch, if you want."

Cas smiled weakly. "That would be nice." He reached forward to pet Floyd, who had sat down on the ground between them. "Hello, Floyd. Are you excited to get a new toy?"

Floyd licked his fingers eagerly.

"I bet you taste the potato chips I was eating, don't you?" He pulled his hand away to wipe Floyd's drool off on his pants and pull his phone from his pocket. "I have to go back in," he said as he checked the time, "but I can walk around with you and pretend you're a customer."

Dean scoffed. "I am a customer. And I'm going to need a lot of assistance."

Cas smiled again, bigger this time. "Well, I can help you with that, sir," he said as he stood up.

Dean stood up as well, leaning forward and planting a kiss on his mouth, and Cas' eyebrows shot up in surprise before he leaned in and kissed him back. When Dean pulled away, Cas just stared into his eyes, a grin plastered on his face.

"Alright, c'mon," Dean said, tilting his head towards the building.

He followed Cas around to the front of the building and through the double doors, and Floyd immediately began to sniff everything. Before meeting Cas, Dean had always gone to PetCo because it was closer, so this was a new experience for Floyd. Cas led the way to the toy section, and Dean crouched down and pointed to the items on the shelves.

"Look, Floyd. Toys. Pick one out."

Floyd began sniffing the toys, his tail wagging slowly. He moved from one to the next until Dean reached out and squeezed one. It emitted a high-pitched squeak and Floyd's tail wagged faster.

"Do you like that one?"

Floyd nosed at it for a moment, but then he moved on to the next one. Finally, he grabbed the arm of a large blue dragon, giving it a gentle tug, so Dean pulled it off of the hook. "You want this one?" he asked. He gave it a shake, and Floyd jumped up to try and take it from him.

Dean checked the price tag and shook his head. "You just had to pick the one that's twenty dollars, didn't you?" He tossed it to Floyd, who jumped up to catch it mid-air.

Cas, who had been watching with a smile on his face, suddenly looked embarrassed. "I would offer to buy it when I get off with my discount, but my managers know that I don't have a dog."

Dean held his hand up in refusal. Cas didn't control the prices, so why would he act like it was his fault? "That's not what I was getting at, Cas. Besides, it's expensive because it's supposed to last longer than the other ones, right?"

Cas nodded. "Yes. It's quite well-constructed, although nothing is indestructible."

Dean looked down at Floyd, who was biting the dragon's belly to make it squeak. "Then it's worth it."

"Did you need anything else while you're here?" Cas asked.

Dean shook his head. "No. I guess I'll check out and let you get back to work."

Cas nodded, although he looked disappointed, and followed him to the front. There was only one register open, and a young guy about Cas' age was ringing out another customer.

"Have a nice day," he said, handing her her bag, and she thanked him and walked away. He turned to Cas. "Cas, can you take over so I can take lunch?"

"Of course."

The guy nodded to Dean and backed away from the register, and Cas slid in and took his place.

"Thanks, Cas!" he called as he headed off towards the back of the store.

"That's my friend Kevin," Cas explained, typing his employee ID into the register. "He's not even going to eat," he said, acting scandalized. "He's going to study."

"What's he in school for?" Dean asked, placing Floyd's toy on the counter.

"Medicine," Cas said distractedly, reaching over to grab the toy and scan it into the register.

"Jeez. Lotta schooling," Dean commented. "And expensive."

Cas nodded in agreement. "That's why he's still here. He got some scholarships, but not enough."

Dean paid for the toy and as Cas counted out his change, he mumbled distractedly, "Can he have a cookie?"

"Sure."

Cas handed him his change and reached into a container next to him on the counter. He held a dog treat out over the counter, and Floyd took it quickly, crunching it all over the floor and then vacuuming up the crumbs.

"What do you say, Floyd?" Dean joked, shoving his change and receipt into the pocket of his jeans.

Floyd smacked his lips and stared at Cas, hoping for another one.

"No," Dean chuckled. "No more. You have treats at home. Here." He held out the dragon, and Floyd took it into his mouth to carry to the car. He looked back up at Cas, who was smiling down at Floyd. "So I'll see you later."

Cas' eyes flicked up to meet his, and he smiled wider. "Thank you for coming to see me."

"Any time, Cas." He smiled back, and he really wanted to lean over the counter and kiss him, but he didn't want to get Cas in trouble with his manager, who he could see glancing at them from the office. He was glad he'd taken the opportunity to do so when they were outside. Instead, he laid his hand over Cas' on the counter. "Text me when you get off."

Cas nodded, and Dean turned and walked away, letting his hand slip slowly from his boyfriend's.

---

"I'm gonna take lunch, Bobby."

"Knock yerself out," Bobby grumbled from where he was bent over the engine of a truck.

Dean went into the break room and grabbed his bagged lunch from the fridge, sitting down at the table and pulling out his phone. It had gone off about an hour ago, but he'd been elbow deep in the inner workings of an El Camino and didn't want to get grease all over himself and his phone.

Cas: Hey, how's work?

He quickly texted him back before working on unwrapping his sandwich.

Dean: good. taking lunch. what about you?

Cas: Boring. I just finished doing a dead run.

Dean: what the fuck is that?

Cas: Lol, I had to check all the fish tanks and remove any dead fish. Kind of sad, really.

Dean: I thought you were a cashier?

Cas: Someone in the fish dept called out today, so they needed the help.

Dean: well that sucks. guess you smell like fish now huh?

Cas: Well, we do have this thing called soap next to the sinks... :P

Dean: touche

He set his phone down next to him on the table and took a bite of his sandwich, watching the three dots indicating Cas was typing.

Cas: So my friend Gabe is having a party on Saturday night for my birthday. Would you like to come?

Dean: sure. i'd like to meet your friends

Cas: Awesome

Dean: what time? do you want to do something beforehand?

Cas: I have to work until 9 :( So I figured we could go straight there.

Dean: that sucks. but okay. want me to pick you up at work?

Cas: Sure

Saturday night, Dean was in the PetSmart parking lot at nine o'clock sharp, playing a game on his phone as he waited. Cas exited the building at ten after, with a few other coworkers, who immediately walked off towards their respective cars. He watched Cas step off the curb, then stop, hunching forward to block the flame of his lighter from the wind as he lit a cigarette. Then he started walking again, giving Dean a wide smile as he approached the car.

"Hey," he said as he opened the passenger door. He'd already changed into a regular tee shirt, and he reached in to throw his blue work shirt into the backseat.

"Hey," Dean greeted. "How was work?"

Cas shrugged, still standing outside of the car. "Work." He brought his cigarette to his lips and took a long drag.

Dean watched him for a moment before asking, "Are you gonna get in?"

Cas straightened up. "I'm finishing my cigarette."

"I told you you could smoke in the car."

Cas bent down again to peer into the car. "You say that, but I feel like you would really prefer if I didn't."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Just get in the car."

Cas smiled and lowered himself into the seat, closing the door behind him and rolling down the window to hang his arm out of it. He'd barely turned his head before Dean was on him, grabbing his face and planting a kiss on his mouth.

Cas hummed in surprise when Dean pulled away. "Well hello to you, too."

"Happy birthday," Dean said.

"Thank you," Cas replied, smiling wider.

Dean glanced around the parking lot. The last employee was rounding the corner, and the lot was now dark and deserted. "Can I give you part of your present now?"

"If you'd like."

Dean turned to face him again, bringing his hand back up to caress his face. He kissed him again, more insistently this time, and when Cas opened his mouth, he pushed his tongue inside. As he licked his way into his mouth, he moved his hand down his neck, sliding it down his chest and coming to a stop at his waist. He fumbled Cas' belt buckle open, then thumbed at the denim around the button before giving it a firm yank to pop it open.

Cas shifted a bit, sliding his hips forward in the seat to give Dean better access. Dean yanked the zipper down and quickly reached into Cas' underwear, grabbing his dick and giving it a gentle squeeze.

Cas let his head drop back as Dean pulled away, a soft sigh escaping his lips as he hardened in his hand.

Dean leaned down. "Keep an eye out."

Cas lifted his head and had to force his eyes to stay open as Dean took him in his mouth, gently massaging the base with his fingers as he sucked on the head. "Jesus," Cas murmured, flicking the accumulating ash off of his cigarette before bringing it to his lips for another drag.

Dean slowly bobbed up and down, swirling his tongue along the shaft and drawing a moan out of Cas. Eventually Cas placed his free hand on the back of Dean's neck, thumbing the short hair there as his other fingers pressed into the side of Dean's neck.

Dean groaned onto his cock, a low sound that he knew Cas would feel, and Cas responded with a deep sigh, sliding his hand up onto the back of Dean's head. Dean registered Cas gently pushing on the back of his skull as he lifted his hips up, and it took Dean all of two seconds to realize Cas wanted to fuck his face.

So he relaxed his jaw, moved his hand away, and let Cas take over. He must've discarded his cigarette at some point, because his right hand came back into the car, settling on the back of Dean's head, next to the other one. He threaded his fingers through Dean's hair and pushed his head down, not too hard, and when Dean didn't resist, he kept going. He yanked his head down again and again, thrusting his hips up to meet him, and Dean could feel the tears pricking at his eyes as Cas rammed himself down his throat.

Then Cas was coming, fingers tightening in Dean's hair as he came down his throat. He held Dean's head in place as he shallowly thrust twice more into his mouth, his groan sounding unusually loud in the empty parking lot. When he was finished, he let his head fall back, taking a few deep breaths.

Dean pulled off, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, and leaned up to plant a kiss on the side of Cas' exposed neck. He observed the corner of his mouth quirk up in a smile, and he kissed him there, too, before placing one in the center of his mouth as well, which Cas reciprocated.

"Thank you," Cas breathed when Dean pulled away.

"You're very welcome," Dean said, sporting a cocky grin. After quickly wiping his eyes with his palms, he turned in his seat to reach for the keys in the ignition as Cas tucked himself back into his pants. "So, tell me how to get there."

It was a twenty minute drive up into the mountains to Gabe's house. Some of the roads were narrow and some wide, but they all wound around sharp curves and alongside cliffs, and Dean had to brake for deer more than once.

"Wow, he's really out here, huh?" Dean commented.

"Yes," Cas agreed, watching trees whiz by the window. "I should also probably warn you that Gabe can be a bit..." He paused, searching for the right word. "Obnoxious. But he's nice."

Dean let out a little laugh. "Okay."

"He also really likes to party. There will be people here that I don't even know."

Dean glanced at him quickly before returning his eyes to the road. "But... it's your birthday."

"Yes," Cas agreed again. "Which is a good excuse to have a party." He wasn't about to tell Dean that he himself didn't really have enough friends for such a large party. Dean probably had tons of friends in high school; he wasn't about to make himself look like a loser. He paused, turning to squint at Dean. "Will you be drinking?"

"Well, I have to drive us home."

Cas didn't respond right away. He wasn't sure what Dean meant by home. Was he dropping Cas off at his house and then going home? Probably not, because Cas left his car at work. But if Dean meant his house, Cas was caught a bit off-guard by Dean simply calling it home. He didn't dwell on it though, instead trying to phrase his next sentence to get confirmation out of Dean as to where they were spending the night. "We are more than welcome to stay at Gabe's for the night, if you wish to drink, but if you want to go back to your house, I have no issue with that. I would prefer it, honestly. Gabe will be disappointed, though. He can't draw dicks on my face if I don't pass out."

Dean snorted a laugh. "So he's that kinda person, huh?"

Cas smiled, even though he hadn't really gotten an answer. "Yes. And it's the next house on the left."

"I figured. Y'know, all the cars."

Cas nodded as Dean pulled over onto the side of the road and put the car in park.

When they walked in the door, Gabe immediately spotted them from where he was standing in the hallway of the second floor.

"Hey!" he yelled, leaning over the railing. "Birthday boy's here!"

A chorus of yelling and whooping erupted from the crowd of guests in the living room, and a few people made their way over to them. The first one approached Dean, giving him a slap on the shoulder.

"Happy birthday, bro," he slurred, clearly drunk already.

"Oh, it's not-" Dean started, but Gabe interrupted him.

"The short one, you idiots!" he yelled as he made his way down the stairs.

"Sorry," the guy mumbled, then turned to Cas. "Happy birthday."

"Thank you," Cas said, giving the stranger a tight smile. A few others wished him a happy birthday as well before wandering off when Gabe appeared.

"Happy birthday Cassie!" he shouted, throwing his arms around Cas' neck.

Cas hugged him back, giving him a pat on the back. "Thank you, Gabe. I see you're drunk already."

"Well duh. It is a party," Gabe responded, pulling away from him and being sure not to spill his drink. "You're the one who's late to your own party."

"You know I had to work," Cas said in defense.

Gabe ignored him and turned his eyes on Dean, looking him up and down. "And this is Dean, hmm?"

"Yes, this is Dean," Cas confirmed, gesturing towards Dean.

"Nice to meet you," Dean said, holding his hand out.

Gabe grabbed it and shook fervently. "Nice to meet you, too, Dean-o! Heard so much about you."

Dean glanced over at Cas with a smile, but Cas kept his eyes on Gabe, his face flushing slightly.

"Come," Gabe said, turning around. "Into the kitchen. Presents and cake and alcohol."

"Sounds good to me," Cas said quickly, following Gabe through the crowd and across the living room. When they got into the kitchen, Gabe made his way towards the counter, setting his drink down and cupping his hands around his mouth like a megaphone to be heard over the music.

"Unless you know Cas personally, get outta my kitchen!" he yelled.

A few people turned to look at him, trying to figure out who he was taking about. When they spotted Gabe pointing at Cas, and repeating, "If you don't know this guy, get out!", they slowly made their way out of the kitchen. Within a few minutes, only about three people were left, excluding Cas, Dean, Gabe, and Kevin.

Gabe pulled open one of the kitchen drawers and rummaged around for a moment, before triumphantly holding up a box of matches. He fumbled it open, striking three and using them to light the two candles- one number two and one number seven- on the large sheet cake on the counter.

When he glanced around at the others and took a deep breath, Cas held his hands up. "Please- You don't have to sing," he said quickly.

Gabe visibly deflated. "Party pooper."

Cas frowned and shrugged apologetically. "Sorry."

"Blow out the candles then so we can give you your presents!" Kevin exclaimed.

Cas took a step forward, leaning over and placing his hands on the edge of the counter. He sucked in a deep breath, releasing it to blow out the two candles in the center of the cake.

The seven of them clapped, and Cas stepped back from the counter, looking a bit embarrassed by all of the attention. Suddenly Gabe was wielding a large knife, hovering it over the cake, eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he tried to decide where to make the cut.

Kevin pushed into him and took it from his hand. "Maybe I should do it."

Gabe rolled his eyes and retrieved his drink from the counter. "Whatever."

As Kevin cut the cake and placed square slices on small paper plates, a girl approached Cas, holding out a small wrapped package. "Happy birthday," she said quietly, offering him a shy smile.

Cas smiled back as he took it from her outstretched hands. "Thank you." He began carefully opening the wrapping paper, and inside was a folded piece of purple fleece fabric, with little plastic clips on the corners. Dean wasn't sure what the hell it was, but Cas smiled up at her. "Thank you, Hannah." He leaned forward to wrap one arm around her, and she melted into him.

"You're welcome," she said into his shoulder.

When they pulled apart, she looked away, and Cas cleared his throat. "Hannah, this is Dean."

Hannah looked up to meet Dean's eyes, and he offered her a smile. "Nice to meet you."

"Same to you," she responded politely, dropping her eyes again.

"Hannah, come get some cake," Gabe said loudly, and Hannah gave Dean and Cas another small smile before turning back to where Kevin was finishing up.

The rest of Cas' friends made their way over and gave Cas his presents, and Cas introduced them to Dean. None of the introductions were half as awkward as the one with Hannah, and Dean wondered if that was just the way she was, or if there was something he was missing.

Finally Kevin came over, handing Cas a heavy package. "I remember you," he said to Dean, as Cas ripped the package open. "You were at PetSmart the other day."

"I was," Dean confirmed.

"Oooh, awesome."

They both looked over to see Cas cracking open the book on eighteenth century diseases he'd unwrapped.

"Yeah, I saw you eyeing my textbooks," Kevin commented. "Thought you'd like that."

"I do, Kevin. Thank you."

"Are you gonna have some of this cake, Cas? It is your birthday."

"Yes, Gabe," Cas responded, setting the book on the counter with his other gifts and sidling up next to Gabe. "I mean, do you really have to ask?"

Gabe handed him a plate with two slices on it. "Good point. Here." He grabbed another plate with one slice and held it out to Dean.

"Oh, I'm good," Dean said, holding one hand up. "Thank you though."

"Damn, you're not even gonna have any cake on your boyfriend's birthday? Tsk tsk," he said, shaking his head.

"Okay, okay," Dean immediately resigned, reaching out for the plate. Gabe was right... refusing a slice was super weird, right?

Gabe picked up his drink again, taking a gulp. "Thanks for this," Cas said through a mouthful of cake.

Gabe threw one arm around his neck and ruffled his hair with his free hand. "Anything for my Cassie," he murmured. "And help yourself to the alcohol," he added before straightening up. "Now if you'll excuse me, there are many single ladies currently getting drunk in my living room."

Cas swallowed his mouthful of cake. "Have fun."

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Kevin added.

Gabe rolled his eyes as he backed out of the kitchen. "Yeah. Right. Maybe if I wanted to die a boring virgin."

Cas snorted a laugh as Kevin narrowed his eyes. "I am not a virgin."

"Whatever you say, Kev!" Gabe yelled, already in the living room.

They were left in awkward silence, which Kevin broke when he muttered, "I'm really not."

"I believe you," Cas said with a nod, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

"With Gabe out of the room, I can vouch that Kevin is definitely not a virgin," the girl standing next to Hannah, who Dean remembered was named Channing, said, waggling her eyebrows. Kevin's face flushed as he shoveled another forkful of cake into his mouth.

Cas and Hannah raised their eyebrows. "Okay then," Hannah said, pushing herself away from the counter she was leaning on. "I'm going to go get very drunk."

"Speaking of which," Channing said, knocking back the rest of what was in her glass. She turned around and reached up, pulling another drinking glass out of the cabinet and filling it a little more than a third of the way with vodka. "Straight, or screwdriver, Cas?"

"Screwdriver," Cas mumbled, finishing off the last of his cake and tossing the plate into the garbage.

She grabbed a carton of orange juice from the inside of the refrigerator door, filling the glass the rest of the way and handing it over to him. "What about you, Dean?"

"I'm alright. Gotta drive. Thanks though." She nodded and refilled her own glass, and Dean turned his head to see Cas chugging his. "Jesus."

Cas squinted a bit at the taste, but he'd already drank half the glass, so he didn't seem to be bothered by how strong Channing had made it. He gave Dean a nervous smile, looking almost sheepish. "Don't drink often, so..." He turned to Channing, Kevin, and the other guy, who Cas had introduced as Alfie. "Do you guys want to smoke?"

Kevin shook his head, but Alfie nodded and Channing shrugged. "Sure."

Cas knocked back the rest of his glass, pointing towards the ceiling. "Upstairs," he said once his glass was empty. Dean figured he didn't want to share with other party-goers he didn't know, who would inevitably come running when they smelled weed. That shit was expensive.

After Channing refilled Cas' glass, they made their way into the living room. There were people lingering everywhere, but it only took Cas a moment to spot Gabe chatting up some blonde on the couch. He called his name, and when Gabe looked over, Cas pinched his fingers together and held them up to his lips, the universal sign for wanna smoke? He then nodded towards the staircase.

Gabe turned back to the blonde and whispered something in her ear, and she nodded, so Gabe stood up and left her there, making his way over towards Cas.

"We gotta make this quick. I'm about to close the deal."

Cas shook his head in amusement. "You don't have to smoke."

"Uh, yeah, I do," Gabe retorted. "I can't not partake in weed being smoked in my own house."

They headed up the stairs and down the hallway, and when Gabe opened the door to his bedroom, his eyes widened. He pushed the door the rest of the way open and took a step in.

"Hey! Go do that in the fucking guest room!"

"It's taken, man," Dean heard a guy say from inside the room.

"Not my problem. My room's off-limits. ...Get out."

There was some grumbling and shuffling as Gabe stood back in the doorway, arms crossed, and then a guy and a girl stumbled out into the hallway. The guy looked annoyed, his jeans still undone, but the girl was giggling and bouncing along behind him, so he probably still had a chance before the night was through.

They followed Gabe into the room, where he sat down on the bed and motioned towards a futon against the wall. He leaned back and reached behind the bed, pulling out a large bong and setting it down on the floor between them.

Dean set Cas' gifts he'd been holding down on Gabe's dresser for safe-keeping. Cas set his drink down next to them and pulled his bag out of his pocket, unrolling it and removing a large nug. He began breaking it up on the dresser, dropping the shredded plant matter into a pile. "Can you grab me the bong?"

Dean nodded and turned around to find Gabe holding it out to him. He passed it to Cas and stood next to him as he finished breaking up the weed and packed it into the large bowlhead, and then they sat down next to Channing and Alfie on the futon. The four of them were a bit squished between the metal railings, and since Dean was on the end near the door, one was digging into his hip, but it was worth it with the way Cas was pressed up against his other side.

They passed it back and forth for a while, Cas packing it up again and Alfie packing it twice as well. Cas thanked him for throwing down, but Alfie shook his head.

"It's your birthday. Not fair for you to smoke us all up."

Suddenly the music downstairs changed, and Gabe groaned. "These motherfuckers touching my goddamn stereo. I swear to god."

"You seem to get to annoyed at these same things that happen every time you have a party," Channing observed.

"Because I have hope for these people!" He sighed. "But they're animals. Actually, no, they're worse than animals. At least animals can be trained."

Dean leaned forward to pass the bong to Gabe, who was sitting on the floor, leaning against his bed. He took a huge hit that nearly clouded out the occupied half of the room on the exhale, then passed it to Channing. "Oh!" he said suddenly, clapping his hands together. "I almost forgot your present." He leaned sideways and reached under the bed, pulling out a wrapped present approximately the size of a shoe box. He slid it across the rug to Cas, who looked down at it suspiciously.

"Open it," Gabe urged, grabbing his drink from his night stand and taking a long drink.

Cas carefully peeled the paper back, popping open the box and pulling out a black shirt. He unfolded it to look at the design. In the center was a cute little cartoon fox, and underneath, the words FUCK OFF.

Cas snorted a laugh. "Thank you Gabe."

"Do you like it? 'Cause if not, there's something else in there."

Cas raised an eyebrow, looking down into the box. There was tissue paper on the bottom, so he reached in and pulled it up. His face fell as he dropped it back down, and he looked up at Gabe with wide eyes. "Seriously?"

"Yep, this way if you don't like the present you can go fuck yourself!" Gabe dissolved into a fit of drunken laughter as Channing and Alfie looked utterly confused. They leaned over to look in the box, as Dean reached over and moved the tissue paper. At the bottom of the box sat a bright pink dildo.

Channing and Alfie burst out laughing, which only spurred Gabe on further.

"It's not that funny," Cas said flatly, staring at Gabe with narrowed eyes.

"Aw, c'mon Cas, it's pretty funny," Dean said. Cas turned to look at him, his face burning, and Dean offered him a smile.

Gabe sat back up, his laughter finally dissipating. "Come on, Cas. Your face was the best part about it. I honestly didn't think you'd get so pissed. Since when are you such a prude?"

Cas looked even more embarrassed, but he didn't look angry anymore. Dean wrapped his arm around his shoulders and gave him a gentle squeeze.

"It's because you did it in front of his new boyfriend, dumbass," Channing said. "It's embarrassing."

Gabe rolled his eyes. "Oh come on." He paused, looking around the room and noticing all eyes on him. "Seriously? You guys are serious."

"I thought it was funny," Dean said with a shrug. And he wasn't just saying that to make Cas feel better, he really did.

"Thank you, Dean," Gabe said loudly. "At least somebody here has a sense of humor."

Cas, who had reached down between his feet for his drink, chugged half of it before lowering the glass into his lap. "I have a sense of humor," he blurted out. "Jus'... did it have to be pink?"

Gabe burst out laughing again, and finally Cas broke into a smile. Dean started, too, and then Cas joined in, and soon enough the five of them were all laughing. After a minute or two, once they'd settled down, Cas packed the bong again.

As it went around, Gabe and Alfie started talking about something, and Dean took the opportunity to talk to Cas. "What did Hannah get you?"

Cas, who had been watching Gabe and Alfie's conversation, turned his head. "What?"

"What is that thing Hannah got you?"

Cas stared at him for a moment, blinking slowly, before smiling. "Oh. A hammock for Roger's cage."

"A hammock?"

Cas nodded. "The little clips attach to the- to the, uh... bars. He loves lying in them but he also chews 'em up, so I can never have enough." He paused, losing focus for a moment. "Urgh, sorry, I'm kinda fucked up."

Dean grinned. "'Kinda'?" He glanced at Cas' empty glass, which was the second one he'd drained, a third of the way full of vodka. If Dean had to guess, he'd say Cas had ingested at least six shots worth of vodka in the last hour, with the way Channing had made those screwdrivers, and they seemed to be hitting him right about now.

"Mhmm," Cas agreed, leaning to the side and resting his forehead on Dean's shoulder.

Dean wrapped his arm around him. "Is Hannah always like that?"

"Always like what?" he mumbled.

"I dunno. I feel like she didn't like me too much."

"Oh," Cas sighed. "That."

Dean frowned. So apparently he hadn't been imagining things.

"What about Hannah?" Gabe asked loudly from the floor.

Dean worried his lip between his teeth. He hadn't really been trying to include the entire room in on the conversation.

"Dean's asking why she was being weird," Cas sighed, lifting his head. Dean let his arm fall away as Cas straightened up, feeling pretty embarrassed. He hadn't wanted everyone to know what he'd asked Cas.

"Oh, that," Channing said dismissively, bringing the bong to her lips to take another hit.

"Hannah's had a crush on Cas since, like, middle school," Gabe explained. "So whenever she sees someone interested in him she gets all sad." He rolled his eyes.

"Don't be mean, Gabe," Channing said, exhaling her hit into the center of the room and passing the bong to Alfie.

"Well she needs to get over it- it's been like fifteen years!" Gabe exclaimed, flinging his hands up to emphasize his exasperation. "He likes dick. End of story. I don't know why she takes it so personally."

"Oh just leave her alone," Channing sighed.

"It's not healthy," Gabe said, standing up. "I'm telling you."

"Let it go, Gabe," Cas groaned.

"Yeah, yeah," he said, waving his hand dismissively at Cas. "Maybe I'll get her a dildo." Channing and Alfie snickered at that. "Shit, I'm supposed to be downstairs with that girl anyway. I hope she didn't forget about me."

"It's been like an hour," Alfie said slowly.

"How could anyone forget about you?" Channing said sarcastically.

"Har har. Anyway, you guys might want to clear out of here because we'll be comin' up."

"Gross," Alfie mumbled.

"That's nature, my friend."

"Yeah, well I don't want to picture you doing anything natural," he muttered.

"Then get outta my room, prude," Gabe snapped back.

"We're going, jeez," Channing said, taking the bong from Alfie and setting it on the floor. "Might want to make sure your participant is still participating first, though."

Dean grabbed the box and Cas' stuff off of the dresser and followed them out the door and into the hallway. Gabe locked his door this time to ensure he wouldn't find anyone else humping on his bed upon his return. He grabbed Cas' shoulder to help him down the stairs, but Cas brushed him off.

"I'm fine, Gabe, jeez," he sighed, grabbing onto the railing and wobbling down the stairs.

"Fine, drunkie," Gabe responded, holding his hands up in surrender and following behind Cas down the stairs.

Dean felt like he should've been helping him, but he was occupied carrying Cas' gifts and Cas insisted he was fine. But he descended the stairs behind Gabe, watching Cas like a hawk in case he took a nose-dive down the staircase. When they reached the bottom, Gabe steered Cas towards the couch with little resistance, pushing him down onto it and wandering off to look for the girl he'd been talking to. Dean leaned down to talk into his ear over the music.

"I'm going to go put your stuff in the car, okay?" Cas nodded. "I'll be right back."

When he returned, Hannah was sitting on the couch, talking to Cas, who was obviously having trouble following the conversation. Dean felt a bit of jealousy simmering in his chest, but he ignored it. Just because Hannah liked Cas, didn't mean anything was going to happen. Cas only liked guys, right? That's what his friends had said... although that wasn't what Cas had said. Cas had stayed relatively quiet throughout the entire conversation.

He made his way over to the couch and smiled down at Cas. A drunken smile spread across Cas' face and Hannah looked up with a nervous one. "Hi, Dean."

Dean smiled back. "Hi Hannah."

"I was just asking Cas how you two met. He said you worked on his car?"

Dean nodded, trying not to think about them talking about him while he wasn't around. He wondered what else Hannah had said. "Yeah. He came into my job for an oil change."

She smiled again. "What're the chances, huh?"

Cas smiled and nodded, and Hannah ran her hands down over her legs, smoothing out her skirt. "I'm going to go get another drink," she said, standing up. "I'll talk to you guys later."

Dean nodded.

"Bye," Cas said, a little too loud.

Dean sat down next to him, pressing their thighs together. He put his arm up on the back of the couch behind Cas and leaned over into his space. "Why'd you get so drunk, Cas?" he asked, voice low and teasing in his ear.

Cas pulled back and grinned at him. "'Cause it's fun."

"I'll have to agree with you on that one."

Cas leaned in, closing the distance between them and pressing his lips to Dean's. Dean opened his mouth and Cas pushed his tongue inside. He tasted like weed and vodka, and Dean had to admit he felt like someone half his age, making out with his fucked up boyfriend on someone's couch at a house party. But he'd never gotten to do that stuff as a teenager, so he relished the chance to do it now. He only wished he could've been fucked up, too. Maybe next time they'd stay at Gabe's. Rubbing alcohol took Sharpie off of skin anyway, right?

They hung around for another hour before Cas asked Dean if he wanted to go.

"If you do," Dean said, and Cas nodded. "Do you want to say goodbye?"

Cas looked around and Dean followed his gaze. Gabe had disappeared up the stairs with a girl, Kevin and Channing were nowhere to be found (although Dean had an idea of where they could have gone to), and Hannah and Alfie were talking in the kitchen.

"I dunno where they are," Cas slurred, turning his head back to face Dean.

"Alright, come on." Dean stood up and moved so that he was in front of Cas, reaching down with both hands. Cas took them and Dean took a step back, pulling him up off the couch. He didn't let go, knowing as soon as Cas stood, he'd probably lose his balance.

But Cas stood up fine, so Dean let his right hand fall away from Cas' left and they walked hand-in-hand towards the door, until Cas stopped and pulled his hand away.

"Wait wait wait," he said, spreading his arms out at his sides to keep himself balanced after such a sudden stop.

Dean stopped in the doorway and turned around. "What?"

Cas stared back at him, hair a mess and eyes wide. It was all Dean could do to not burst out laughing at how ridiculous and adorable Cas looked while he was drunk. "Is there more cake?" he asked, his tone serious.

Dean chuckled and shook his head slightly. "Probably. Come on." He took Cas' hand again and led him back through the living room and to the kitchen.

Hannah and Channing, who had been leaning against the counter chatting, looked surprised when Cas announced their entrance by nearly tripping over a chair.

"I'm fine," he said loudly, making his way over to the counter. "How are you two?"

Hannah smiled. "We're good, Cas. Are you enjoying your birthday?"

"I am," he said with a nod, attempting to climb onto one of the stools at the island. "What happened to the cake?"

"It's in the fridge," Channing said. "Didn't want all these randos eating it."

"Do you want me to get you some?" Hannah offered.

"Thank you Hannah," Cas sighed, leaning forward until his head was buried in his arms. "You're so kind," he added, his words muffled.

Dean watched as Hannah pulled the cake from the fridge and cut another square out of it for Cas, placing it on one of the extra plates and setting it down in front of him. He didn't realize she'd done so, so she placed her hand on his upper arm.

"Here. And I cut you the corner piece with all the frosting."

Dean wasn't sure what he was feeling- maybe a little bit of annoyance, probably a lot of jealousy- as Cas snapped his head up and smiled up at her. "Thank you Hannah..." he slurred. "You know me so well."

Hannah's eyes flicked to Dean for the quickest moment before moving back to Cas. She smiled, nodded, and lowered her hand, backing away to stand next to Channing again. Dean took the seat next to Cas, and Cas' face lit up when he noticed him.

"Dean! Do you want some?"

"I'm okay, Cas. You eat it."

"Aw, c'mon, share it with me," Cas pleaded.

Dean couldn't say no to that face, although he'd already eaten a slice of his own. "Okay."

"I get all the frosting though."

"Deal."

"Here," Cas said, cutting a piece and holding it up on the fork.

Dean gave him a small smile. "You don't have to feed me, Cas."

"But I want to," he pouted.

It wasn't that Dean really had a problem with it. Cas was drunk, and if Dean was, too, he probably wouldn't think twice about it. But aside from being a bit stoned, he was pretty sober, and he could feel Hannah watching them. It was awkward, to say the least. He leaned forward to whisper in Cas' ear.

"Cas, you can feed me whatever the hell you want when we get home. Just... please not here."

He leaned back again to look into Cas' eyes, pleading for Cas to drop it, and Cas simply nodded. He didn't seem offended, which Dean was thankful for. He slid the plate over to Dean, who took a bite as Cas patted down his thighs.

"My phone," he mumbled.

"Hmm?" Dean said around his second bite of cake.

"I lost my phone." He looked past Dean into the living room. "Maybe on the couch."

"I'll go check," Dean said, sliding the plate back over for Cas to finish.

He had to ask someone to move, but he found Cas' phone shoved between the cushion and the arm of the couch. He slid it into his pocket just as a hand grabbed his shoulder, and he turned around to see Gabe standing behind him.

"Where's Cas?"

"In the kitchen. He left his phone over here so I came to get it." Gabe nodded. "I thought you were tryin' to get laid? What happened?"

"Already did, my friend," he said, turning his head to throw a wink at a brunette across the room. She smiled and waved, and Gabe turned back to Dean.

"Oh. Congratulations." He wasn't sure what else to say, but Gabe was just standing there. "So... you own this house?" Dean asked.

"Pffft," Gabe scoffed. "I'm twenty-five, dude. This is my parents shit. They're just never here."

"You're twenty-five?" Dean repeated.

"Yep," he said with a smug smile. "And livin' the life, I tell ya." He paused, studying Dean. "Glad Cas didn't meet you here at one of my parties, though. Everyone he meets at my parties ends up being a huge dick."

Dean frowned, the thought of Cas hooking up with some random person at one of Gabe's parties making him feel a little sick. "Well I certainly try not to be a huge dick," he said.

"Good," Gabe said, raising his eyebrows. "Otherwise I'll fuck you up. Nobody hurts my Cassie. He's like my little brother, and he's too kind-hearted for that nonsense."

Dean grinned. "He's two years older than you."

"And you're a decade older, but I'll still fuck you up."

Dean nodded, a little taken aback. "Okay." He had to respect Gabe for looking out for his friend. He turned his head towards the kitchen to see Cas drinking another screwdriver. "Is- is he still drinking? We were about to leave." He started towards the kitchen but Gabe reached out and grabbed his arm.

"Little tip about Cas- he likes to shove shit down. He acts like he's fine, and he does a damn good job lookin' like it, too, but... He's not really a drinker. So when he pounds the drinks like that he's not fine." He furrowed his eyebrows, clearly thinking. "And that was totally out of character upstairs, by the way. So don't think he's a total tight-ass."

Dean frowned back at him. "Well do you know what's wrong?"

Gabe shrugged. "His mom's a bitch," he said, so matter-of-factly that it caught Dean off guard. "Sometimes it gets to him. She probably said some stupid shit today about him being another year older and still not doing anything with his life."

Dean narrowed his eyes. "You're joking."

"I wish I was." He paused. "I mean, he didn't say anything to me, but he hasn't in a while. He doesn't talk about it much these days, but I've known him for like sixteen years, and shit like that doesn't just change. I'm positive she either said something, or he's thinking about what she's going to say, or what she's said every other fuckin' year."

Dean looked back into the kitchen, where Cas was staring blankly into his glass. He glanced at Gabe. "Thanks."

"Any time. And you didn't hear shit from me."

He made his way back into the kitchen and over to Cas. "Hey. I found your phone. Are you ready?"

Cas nodded, and Dean grabbed his empty plate and tossed it into the garbage. When he turned around to help Cas up, Cas was already stumbling off of the stool, and he had to grab his arm to steady him. They stood like that for a moment, until Cas nodded.

"I'm good."

Dean nodded back and slid his hand down his arm to take Cas' hand. Cas said his goodbyes to Hannah and Channing and followed Dean out of the kitchen and to the car, staring down at his feet to make sure he put one foot in front of the other as he walked. When they got into the Impala, Cas fumbled with his pack of cigarettes for a moment, trying to get one out. When he finally did, he lit it and left it dangling from his lips as he rolled down the window. Dean started the car, and he closed his eyes and took a long drag.

"Thanks for coming," he mumbled, eyes still closed.

"Thanks for inviting me," Dean said, putting the car into drive. "Did you have fun?"

"Mhmm." He took another drag off of his cigarette as Dean pulled away from the curb.

They drove to the end of the road without incident, but once Dean took the first turn, Cas eyes flew open and he sucked in a sharp breath.

"You okay?" Dean asked.

Cas placed his free hand over his stomach, staring ahead at the dashboard. "Kinda nauseous."

Dean worried his lip between his teeth. "Please try and give me a heads up if you're gonna barf... I'll pull over."

Cas nodded slowly, and Dean kept driving, being sure to take the turns (and there were so many turns) as slowly as possible.

"Are you takin' me to my house?" Cas asked eventually, as the trees outside the window thinned out and more houses began to appear.

"I was going to take us back to mine," Dean answered. "Unless you want me to take you home?"

"No," Cas said quietly. Then he added, "I like yours better."

Dean smiled to himself. He was glad Cas liked coming over. He certainly enjoyed having him over. He hadn't realized how lonely he was until he met Cas, and had to spend the nights alone when Cas went home. But then he remembered what Gabe had said, and it made him feel horrible. Cas probably hated going home. Briefly, Dean had the idea to ask Cas to move in with him, but he immediately shut that thought down. They'd only been together for about a month. He wasn't stupid- anything could happen. And even if he was being optimistic, Cas would probably think he was weird for asking him to move in so soon. No, it would be better to hold off on that.

They'd just turned onto Dean's street when Cas rasped, "Dean."

Dean looked over to see Cas scrambling to get a grip on the door handle. He quickly pulled over, reaching across Cas' lap to yank the handle and push the door open. Cas lurched forward, and Dean could hear the sound of liquid hitting the pavement as Cas threw up cake and alcohol into the street. As bad as he felt for Cas, he was infinitely thankful that he hadn't vomited in his car.

Cas heaved twice more, followed by spitting, and then he twisted back around and leaned back in the seat.

"Fuck," he croaked. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry. You got drunk. You threw up. It happens."

"Tha's true."

"Are you done though? We're only like two minutes from my house."

Cas nodded and reached out, pulling the door closed again. When they pulled into the driveway, Dean killed the engine and they sat in silence for a moment, listening to it tick.

"Do you need help getting out?"

Cas shook his head. "I feel much better now."

Dean chuckled. "Good."

Once inside, Cas stumbled straight to the bathroom to brush his teeth as Dean let Floyd out back. When he passed the bedroom on his way to brush his own teeth, Cas was standing on the far side of the bed, staring down at it and swaying slightly.

"Are you gonna lay down?" Dean asked, stopped in the hallway.

"Um. I felt like I should wait for you?" he answered, although he said it more like a question, looking up and squinting at Dean.

Dean shook his head. "It's fine, Cas. You could've gotten into bed."

Cas nodded and began fumbling with the buckle of his belt as Dean went to brush his teeth. When he returned, Cas had only managed to get his pants off. Dean brought a small garbage can around to his side of the bed, setting it down by the night stand as Cas yanked his shirt off over his head.

"Here." He tried not to stare as he realized Cas just took his shirt off in front of him for the first time. He'd touched Cas quite a few times already under the cover of darkness, and he just assumed Cas was playing along with Dean's insecurity, but as he made his way back around the bed, watching Cas out of the corner of his eye, he realized Cas was probably self-conscious, too- as much as he tried to act like he wasn't- and in his current drunken state, had probably completely forgotten. Dean didn't really see why Cas would be self-conscious anyway- sure, Cas was a bit soft- but he was hot. In Dean's opinion, anyway.

Cas smiled as he pulled the covers back. "Thank you, Dean."

"Welcome," he replied, averting his eyes as he got into bed. "Can't have you throwin' up on my carpet now."

"I think I'm good now," he mumbled, climbing into the bed next to Dean.

Dean clicked off the light and rolled over to face Cas, resting his face against his chest. He tucked his arm beneath the blanket and draped it over Cas' thighs, bending it at the elbow and resting his hand on his stomach. "Good."

They laid in the dark for about sixty seconds before Dean mumbled, "Oh shit."

Cas made a low, questioning sound.

"I didn't give you your present yet."

"Tomorrow," Cas mumbled.

"It is tomorrow," Dean shot back with a sleepy chuckle.

"You know what I mean," Cas responded, a small smile spreading across his face.

They were quiet again for another minute, until...

"Hey, Cas?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you okay?"

"I feel fine now... Still drunk, but not nauseous."

Dean was quiet, chewing on his lip. He wasn't sure how to approach this. "That's not really what I meant."

"...I don't understand."

Dean didn't want to put Gabriel on blast, but he wanted to give Cas the opportunity to talk to him. "You just seem a little down. ...Lately."

"I do?" He didn't sound surprised, but... almost embarrassed, like he'd been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to.

No, Dean wanted to answer. Not really. At least not enough for me to notice until Gabe pointed it out. And now I notice and feel kind of shitty about not noticing before. "A little," he answered. "So I'm just asking."

Cas was quiet for a second before clearing his throat. "No, I'm okay." He paused. "Thank you, Dean."

"Any time, Cas," Dean answered. He wished Cas would talk to him, but they hadn't been together that long. Cas' family life was none of his business, and he wasn't going to pressure him to share information he wasn't ready to. They fell quiet again, and Dean let his mind wander to the party; to the way Hannah looked at Cas, to what Cas' other friends had said about her, to the way she touched Cas' shoulder when she handed him that slice of cake.

"So Hannah's really liked you for that long, huh?" he heard himself say.

"Mhmm," Cas responded, clearly half-asleep. Dean hesitated, unsure of what else to say, but Cas saved him by continuing. "She's nice an' all. A really good friend. But I'm jus'..." He breathed out a deep sigh. "...Not into vaginas. Hones'ly I think they're kinda gross."

Dean snorted a laugh, and Cas blearily opened his eyes, one corner of his mouth lifting into a smile as he turned his head to squint at Dean. "What?"

"You're funny when you're drunk."

"'Nd I'm not when I'm sober? Tha's fucked up."

"Don't put words in my mouth, now."

Cas closed his eyes again and turned his head so he was facing the ceiling. "So d'you disagree?"

"Yes, Cas, you're funny when you're sober."

"Tha's not what I meant. I meant about women."

"Oh. No, I like both, so..." He shrugged the shoulder of the arm that was on top of Cas. "So my vote is not gross."

Cas made a little noise of acknowledgement.

"Does that bother you?" Dean asked after a beat of silence.

"Why would it?" Cas asked.

"I dunno. ...Some people think it's gross, or greedy... or that we're all cheaters," he said quietly.

"I trust you," Cas breathed, nearly asleep.

"Good," Dean mumbled. He moved up a bit in the bed to situate his head better on the pillow and threw his arm over Cas' chest. "Night."

Cas only responded with a small grunt, too far gone into sleep to form words.

As Dean drifted off, he realized he hadn't even attempted to enter the cake into his tracker. The brand and variety would cause it to vary anyway- it was a generic grocery store sheet cake, and he'd have to sit there and enter the nutrition info manually, which he wasn't doing in front of all of Cas' friends- but he really should've entered something anyway, even if it was only an estimate.

But he was tired and Cas was warm, so he would have to try and remember to enter it tomorrow.

---

June

"I can't believe I have to sit bitch," Charlie complained from the backseat.

"Oh, put a sock in it," Dean muttered, turning the key in the ignition. The Impala roared to life, and the radio kicked on.

"Can we listen to one-oh-five nine?" she asked hopefully.

"Hell no," Dean grumbled. The current station was playing a commercial, so he flipped to the other classic rock station, and Over the Hills and Far Away crackled from the speakers. "Yes."

"Don't you get tired of listening to the same songs over and over again?" Charlie sighed.

"No," Dean and Cas said in unison. Dean looked over and met his eyes, and they shared a soft smile before Charlie's snort of a laugh ruined the moment.

"God, you guys are, like, perfect for each other."

"Don't be jealous," Dean retorted.

"Pfft," she scoffed. "I'm certainly not jealous. Maybe if you had a hot girl on your arm."

"Yeah, I'm good on that," Dean mumbled.

"We squabble like siblings," Charlie said to Cas. "Don't mind us."

"I didn't say anything," Cas responded, a small smile tugging at his lips.

They were headed into town to get lunch and see the new Harry Potter movie, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, and it was Cas and Charlie's first time meeting. Dean would be lying if he said he wasn't at least a little bit nervous.

Lunch went well, and afterwards they headed to the theater and got snacks from the concession stand as Charlie shamelessly flirted with the girl behind the counter. They hung back and waited for her for a minute or two, Cas popping popcorn into his mouth one piece at a time, until Charlie finally walked back over to them.

"Score," she grinned, holding up a napkin with a number written on it.

"Good job," Dean mumbled teasingly. "Maybe you can finally have your craft club."

Charlie punched him in the shoulder, and Cas raised one eyebrow as they headed towards the theater. "...Craft club?"

"That's what Dean calls lesbian sex," Charlie huffed, rolling her eyes. "Because he's fucking twelve."

"I am not twelve," Dean mutter indignantly. "I'm thirteen."

Cas chucked lightly and shook his head as they entered the theater and took their seats.

"I'm so excited," Charlie murmured. "It's been so long since I've seen anything Harry Potter related in theaters. This really brings me back."

"Mhmm," Dean agreed. When the first was released in 2001, he was already at least four-fifty, so he was pretty positive he wouldn't have fit in the seats. He wasn't about to go all the way to the theater to try, either- he'd have rather just missed out than have to leave embarrassed- no, mortified. So Charlie had been sure to come over afterwards and tell him all about them. By the time the fifth was released in 2007, two years after his surgery, he'd finally been able to go. Part of him had still been worried walking into the theater, and he'd wanted to cry when he dropped into the seat with ease- and room to spare.

Charlie looked around the theater. "I really like the remodel they did in here. These seats are super comfy and roomy as fuck. Too bad they weren't this big years ago, so you could've come."

Dean narrowed his eyes at her. "Charlie. Shut up," he muttered.

"Sorry," she said quietly. Her eyes flicked to Cas, who was on the other side of Dean. He was preoccupied with trying to rip the too-tight plastic off of a box of Buncha Crunch and didn't seem to hear the exchange.

"Gimmie," Dean said, passing Cas the bucket of popcorn and taking the box of candy. He pulled a knife from his pocket and slashed the wrapper, before peeling it off and shoving it into his pocket and handing the box back to Cas.

"Thank you, Dean. Would you like some?"

"No thanks," Dean declined. "I'm good with some popcorn."

Cas nodded and popped a few pieces of the chocolate into his mouth.

As the movie started, Dean found himself feeling like a teenager again. Although Charlie was there, he was still kind of on a date to the movies with Cas, and they shared popcorn, held hands, and totally didn't make out for a minute until Charlie pinched his arm and made them break apart. He liked how Cas made him feel young- younger than either of them actually were.

After the movie, they headed back to Dean's, and when Charlie left shortly after, Dean walked her out.

"So?" Dean asked nonchalantly, as they stood next to Charlie's car in the dark.

"I like him," Charlie declared, swinging her keys around her finger by the key ring. "He's awesome. Gets the best friend stamp of approval."

Dean gave her a half-grin. "Good."

"I gotta get going. You guys be good." She smiled. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

Dean scoffed a laugh. "That isn't much."

"You're right," she agreed with a wink. "It's not. Caio!" She reached down and opened her car door, and Dean gave her a small wave before stepping back, turning around, and heading back into the house.

Cas was sitting on the couch, idly flipping through the channels on the television.

"Did you like the movie?" Dean asked, taking a seat next to him.

"Yeah, it was pretty good. Did you?"

Dean nodded. What he really liked, though, was holding Cas' hand in the theater. Call him a sap, but he'd be a liar if he said it didn't make his heart beat a little faster.

They watched TV for a while, until Cas broke the silence.

"So can you play that guitar you have in your room, or what?"

Dean raised an eyebrow, turning his head from the TV to look at Cas. "Of course. Why? You wanna hear me play?"

"Duh," Cas responded, rolling his eyes. "I'm honestly surprised you didn't try to court me by playing it."

Dean grinned, his other eyebrow rising to match the first. "I'm awesome enough on my own that I don't need to swoon you with the guitar."

Cas pursed his lips. "That's true. But I want to hear you play anyway."

"Okay," Dean said with a nod, pushing himself up from the couch. He strode off into the hallway, and when he came back, he was carrying an acoustic guitar. "Any requests?" he asked as he reclaimed his seat on the couch.

"Surprise me."

Dean looked off across the room for a moment, tapping his fingers on the body of the guitar before suddenly deciding. He began strumming, and he was happy to see a large smile appear on Cas' face, indicating he recognized the song. Although, if Cas didn't recognize this one, Dean would've had to seriously school him on some music.

"There is a house in New Orleans, they call the Rising Sun
And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy, and god, I know I'm one

My mother was a tailor, she sewed my new blue jeans
My father was a gamblin' man, down in New Orleans"

He continued playing and singing along, getting lost in the vocalizations and focusing on the precise movements of his fingers. He loved playing the guitar. It was one of the hobbies he really enjoyed when he was younger and was stuck at home with nothing to do all day.

"Oh mother, tell your children, not to do what I have done
Spend your lives in sin and misery, in the House of the Rising Sun"

It was about this time that he realized Cas was staring at him, eyes wide.

He abruptly stopped strumming. "...What?"

Cas blinked slowly, giving his head a light shake. "Nothing, I... I just wasn't expecting you to sing, too."

"Sor-"

"No," Cas said quickly. "Don't apologize. I just... didn't realize you could sing. You're good. Like... really good."

Dean could see Cas' face pinkening as he delivered the compliment, and he felt his own face flushing at the praise. "Thank you."

Cas lowered his eyes. "You're welcome."

"Haven't you heard me sing along to the radio before?"

"Yeah, but..." When Dean sang along in the car, he was having fun, belting out the lyrics all silly and care-free. But as he played, he'd put so much emotion behind the words, that the difference was staggering. "...It's different."

Dean set the guitar down on the floor and leaned forward. "Hey."

Cas lifted his eyes to meet Dean's, and Dean reached forward to cup his face in his hands. He pulled him towards him and pressed their lips together.

Cas parted his lips so Dean could slide his tongue inside, as Dean's hand slid down to settle on the side of Cas' neck. Within a minute of making out, Dean could feel his erection pressing up against the denim of his jeans. Cas was growing hard, too, and he just barely pulled away.

"Dean?" he asked, only centimeters from Dean's mouth.

"Mm?"

"...Can I suck your dick? Please?"

Dean opened his eyes and Cas was staring right into them, blue eyes wide and pleading. He let his hand fall away from Cas' neck, his tongue coming out to wet his lips.

Cas sensed his hesitation. "Please, Dean, you've gone down on me so many times. Let me-"

"Okay," Dean said softly. "Yeah."

He'd been avoiding this. He'd been avoiding being on the receiving end, so that Cas wouldn't see the scar that ran along his pelvis, or the two that ran down the inside of his thighs. But if he kept it up any longer, Cas was going to get suspicious. God forbid he thought Dean had an STD or something.

Cas' eyes lit up and he placed an open palm to Dean's chest, gently pushing him back into the couch.

"Hit the light," Dean said quietly.

Cas didn't question him, only did as he was told. Dean guessed maybe he just thought Dean was self-conscious, which he figured really was the gist of it anyway, wasn't it?

When Cas returned to the couch, only the soft glow of the TV illuminating the room, Dean's erection was waning from worry. Cas lifted one leg and settled down on Dean's lap, leaning forward and planting a kiss on his mouth. He then moved further south, down Dean's jawline and his neck, to his collarbone. Cas' mouth was warm and his lips were soft against his skin, and he felt his dick hardening again.

Cas shimmied down, all the way to Dean's shins, skipping over his entire chest and stomach, and Dean was grateful for that. He glanced down as Cas worked his pants open, hoping that the white line across his pelvis wouldn't be visible under the glow of the TV.

But just as Cas tugged his zipper down, he lost his nerve and reached out onto the coffee table for the remote control. He hit the power button, turning off the TV and plunging the room into darkness.

Cas' hands stilled. "Why'd you turn off the TV?" he asked.

"Distracting," Dean muttered. Smooth, Dean. Not helping the he-probably-thinks-you-have-an-STD thing.

Cas seemed to accept that answer, because his hands started moving again, up to the waistband of his jeans. He tucked his fingers in and pulled them down to his thighs, taking Dean's boxers along with them. Placing his left hand on the top of Dean's thigh to support himself, he set his other hand on Dean's hip. He slowly sllid it across his pelvis until he reached the base of Dean's dick, which he then he took it in his hand, squeezing lightly.

Dean released a soft exhale as his worries faded away. The room was dark, and it had been quite a while since Benny had done what Cas was about to do. In fact, it had been quite a while- even before meeting Cas- since he and Benny had done much of anything. Cas hadn't even gotten to the good part yet, but his body was now buzzing with anticipation. He felt Cas' warm breath on the head, and then his lips were on him, planting soft kisses on the underside of the head and trailing down to the base before licking a long, wet stripe back up the shaft.

Dean let his head fall back onto the arm of the couch as Cas wrapped his lips around the head, lapping his tongue along the slit and gently massaging the base with his fingers.

A soft moan escaped Dean's lips as Cas pushed down further, pressing his tongue along the shaft and slowly coming back up. He pushed back down again, and the head of Dean's dick bumped the roof of Cas' mouth.

"Fuck," Dean breathed. "So good, Cas." He really wished he could see Cas' face- see his lips stretched around his cock, see his length disappearing into Cas' mouth, see those blue eyes looking up at him. But he wasn't ready to explain his scars, so he'd have to settle on only being able to feel for now.

Cas picked up a steady rhythm, bobbing his head up and down as he worked the base in his hand, occasionally letting go to gently fondle his scrotum. He had Dean coming undone in a matter of minutes, that familiar heat building inside him faster than he expected. Dean reached down to grab a hold of Cas' hair, and was rewarded with the vibrations of Cas groaning onto his cock.

"Jesus fuck," Dean groaned, teeth gritted and fingers tightening in Cas' hair.

Cas didn't slow down- only continued doing exactly what he was doing. He slid one finger behind Dean's sack, pressing it to his perineum, and everything in Dean tightened, his hips lifting a bit off of the couch as his dick twitched in Cas' mouth. Cas swallowed around him, pumping the base with his fingers to milk Dean of every last drop.

As Cas pulled off of him, Dean let his hand fall away from his hair and limply to the side. "Holy shit," he gasped.

Cas yanked his boxers back up and tucked him inside before climbing back up to straddle his lap. He wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and leaned down to kiss him, and Dean placed his hands on Cas' waist, parting his lips. Cas pushed his tongue inside, licking along the inside of his mouth, and Dean could taste himself on Cas' tongue.

Cas pulled away and rested his forehead on Dean's. "Thank you for letting me do that."

Dean scoffed, slowly running his palms up and down Cas' sides. "I should be thanking you."

Cas hummed. "Well, you're welcome," he said softly, before leaning in for another kiss.

---

July

Another perfect score. The game was getting boring, but Dean really had nothing else to do these days. He smelled food and set the controller down just as a plate of food was set on the table in front of him.

It felt like he just ate, but he knew he still had room, and it looked fucking delicious. Part of him felt guilty, but he pushed it down. It was a useless feeling, because what would skipping one meal really do, anyway? He never had enough willpower to skip enough meals to make a difference, so what was the point in trying? And although he knew the guilt would be a hundred times worse once he finished eating, he reached for the plate anyway.

"Thanks, mom."

"You're welcome, Dean."

He froze. He knew that voice, and it wasn't his mom. He whipped his head around to see Cas standing behind the couch, a soft smile on his face.

"Eat up."

Dean groaned and rolled over, reaching out from underneath the blankets to smack his alarm clock. He rolled over onto his back, stretching his arms up above his head and groaning again. Another late night with Cas, and he was exhausted. But the last three months had been amazing, and it was well worth it.

He wished he could have woken up next to Cas, but they both had work today. Since Cas was working the evening shift, he'd gone home late last night so that he could sleep in today.

Then he remembered the dream. And what a weird dream it was. Sure, Cas was always insisting on sharing his food, but he wasn't anything like his fucking mom, for Christ's sake. He could almost taste the embarrassment and shame building in him thinking back to the way he used to be. Who would think a dream about playing video games and eating a home cooked meal from your mom could actually be a fucking nightmare?

He tried not to think too much into it. It was just a stupid dream. Dean threw the blanket off and sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and looking around the room. His eyes fell to rest on Floyd, conked out at the foot of the bed.

"Mornin', Floyd."

Floyd didn't respond.

Dean stood up and made his way to the bathroom to shower and brush his teeth. When he returned to the bedroom, Floyd was still asleep. He went over to his dresser and pulled out a pair of jeans and a tee shirt, but when he went to button his jeans, there was a problem- they were uncomfortably tight.

"What the fuck?" he mumbled. He was off the day before, and he'd spent the day hanging out with Cas in their pajamas, but his jeans fit fine the day before that... didn't they?

Maybe they'd shrunk in the dryer. He went to stand in front of the mirror, and his eyes widened when he realized that no, they hadn't shrunk. He'd grown. It wasn't much, but he was definitely filling out around the middle. He unbuttoned them and let them fall to the floor, then raced to the bathroom and got on the scale.

205.

His hands came up to run through his hair as he stared down at the number. No. No no no. He tried to think back to the last time he weighed himself. He ran back into the bedroom and grabbed his phone, opening up his tracking app. Two and a half months ago, and he'd been 192. He normally stayed around 190, and slight fluctuation was normal, so he hadn't thought anything of it. But now he'd put on thirteen pounds in twelve weeks, and he hadn't even noticed. He scrolled through the last two months on the app. He'd missed his last weigh-in, and as he scrolled through the daily logs, they were empty more often than not.

He thought back to all the time he'd spent hanging out with Cas, nearly every day- neglecting his walks with Floyd, smoking way too much weed, and sharing take-out.

And then he remembered his dream. Was his subconscious trying to tell him something?

Fuck.

He couldn't do this again. This was exactly the reason why he had to be so strict with himself. When he slipped, he slipped hard. He wasn't going to end up the way he was before. He wasn't going to undo all of his hard work.

He knew what Charlie would say. Just tell him. He entertained the idea for maybe half a second before the embarrassment was too much to handle. He pictured Cas' reaction, an odd look or maybe a joke, and he felt nausea swimming in his stomach. Or maybe it would be worse- Cas would say nothing, and Dean would just have to spend the rest of forever paranoid that his view of him had been irreparably damaged.

And what was the point, anyway? He couldn't expect Cas to change. How could he even bring it up without making Cas feel like shit? Hey, Cas, you eat like shit. Mind cleaning it up around me? There was nothing wrong with Cas... there was something wrong with him.

He only saw one option.

He got re-dressed, the uncomfortable tightness of his jeans a constant reminder that he'd fucked up, and woke Floyd up for breakfast. He'd slept in, so he didn't have time for their walk, and it made him feel even worse about the current situation. So he took his vitamins with a glass of water and had only an apple for breakfast, making sure to enter it into his tracker as he watched Floyd sniff around the yard.

He was on auto-pilot all day, so Bobby stuck him with mostly oil change duty- simple, monotonous, and didn't require a lot of concentration. Jo kept bugging him, but he ignored her, until finally around lunchtime, Bobby snapped at her to leave him alone and get back to work.

When he got home, he sent a text to Cas.

Dean: hey, what time do you get off?

Cas: 9

He didn't say anything else, instead staring blankly at the TV as he waited for Cas to get out of work. He munched on a bag of baby carrots, occasionally tossing one to Floyd. He hated this. He hated that it had been twelve years, and food still controlled his fucking life.

At eight-thirty, he locked up the house and got in the car, and he was in the PetSmart parking lot at five to nine. He chewed on his nails as he watched the doors, anxiously waiting for Cas to come out. What was he even going to say to him?

Finally, at ten after, the lights turned off and Cas and four other co-workers exited the building. They all veered off on the opposite direction, where most of the employees parked, but Cas always parked on the opposite side. Dean wondered if he parked so far away because he smoked weed in his car on his break.

Dean opened the door and exited the car, slamming it behind him and leaning back against it. Cas' face lit up and he waved. Dean waved back, his heart sinking in his chest. He'd give anything to not have to do this.

"Hey," Cas said happily as he got closer. He pulled his pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, shaking one out and lighting it.

"Hey. ...How was work?" Dean asked quietly.

Cas shrugged. "Work."

Dean smiled sadly. That was such a Cas answer, the same one he gave Dean every time he asked how work was. But Dean still always asked anyway.

Cas squinted at Dean for a moment as he exhaled a puff of smoke, obviously realizing something was off. "Are you okay?"

"I..." Dean looked away. "I need to talk to you."

"Okay," Cas said, raising one eyebrow. He took another pull off his cigarette, then let his hand fall to his side.

Dean turned his head to look at him again. "Cas..." He reached forward and took his hands, looking down at them in his own. "You know I really like you, right?"

"Yeah...?" Cas responded, his voice laced with confusion. "I should hope so."

Dean swallowed hard, still staring down at Cas' hands, unable to look at his face. He watched the smoke rising from the tip of the cigarette. "I really do. But... I can't do this anymore."

Cas huffed out a small laugh. "...Wait, what?"

Dean bit his lip into his mouth for a moment before letting it pop back out. "I can't do this... with you."

Cas pulled his hands away, forcing Dean to look up. Cas' eyebrows were furrowed together, and his eyes were searching Dean's face.

"What?" he repeated. "Why?"

"Cas," Dean pleaded, already knowing he was losing control of the situation, "I know you're not going to believe this, but it's not you, it's me, I swear. Please believe me that it has nothing to do with you."

Cas stared at him in shocked silence for a moment, and then he narrowed his eyes. "Seriously, Dean? You expect me to believe that?" he finally snapped, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Dean bit his lip again, looking straight into Cas' eyes. "Yes."

Cas held his gaze for a moment, before lowering his eyes to look down at his shoes and huffing a sigh as his anger dissipated into disappointment. "Can I at least have a reason?" he asked quietly.

Dean sighed. "I just..." Fuck. What is he even supposed to say? "I just realized that I can't really handle a relationship right now." It sounded like bullshit even to his own ears.

Cas looked up as his mouth twisted into a frown. "And you just realized that."

Dean worried his bottom lip between his teeth, unsure of how to respond.

Cas nodded slowly, looking down at his shoes again. "So can we be friends at least?" he asked hesitantly.

"Maybe one day soon," Dean offered. He knew it wasn't a good answer, but unfortunately, continuing to hang out with Cas all the time wouldn't solve the problem. Because Dean was the problem. If he was still going to spend a ton of time with Cas, there wouldn't really be a point in breaking up, would there be?

Cas narrowed his eyes. "So it really has nothing to do with being unable to handle a relationship, right?" He scoffed before Dean could answer, flicking the lengthening ash off of his forgotten cigarette, still unable to look at Dean. "Whatever."

"Please believe me that it's not your fault," Dean pleaded. He could see Cas' eyes watering under the street lights, and he wanted nothing more than to pull him into his arms and comfort him, but he couldn't. Not anymore.

"Whatever," Cas said again. He brought his cigarette up to his lips and took a long drag, looking over at the dark building. "I don't know why I thought you were different."

"Cas-"

Cas cut him off with a wave of his hand, turning around to walk towards his car. "Goodbye, Dean."

"Bye, Cas," Dean said softly, but he doubted Cas even heard him. He watched Cas' back as he walked away, his own eyes beginning to sting. He watched as Cas fumbled with his keys before finally unlocking the door and climbing into the car. Then he sighed, getting into the Impala, starting her up, and slowly pulling off.

---

Cas watched the Impala pull away in his rear view mirror. He turned his head, and when the black car rounded the corner of the building, he sucked in a breath and finally let himself cry.

God, he felt so fucking stupid. He'd had such a good time getting to know Dean over the past three months. He'd been able to let his guard down, be himself, and he knew now that that was obviously a mistake. Fuck, he'd even thought he was falling in love with him. And then Dean showed up at his god damn job to dump him in the parking lot, feeding him that fucking it's not you, it's me line... like Cas was stupid enough to believe that shit.

He knew he had his problems. He was lazy, and unmotivated; he was rapidly approaching thirty and still lived with his parents. He was overweight and smoked too much weed, but he thought he finally found someone who liked him anyway, despite all of his flaws. Or at least maybe someone who, instead of running, would want to stick around and help him better himself. That was how love was supposed to work, right?

But he figured now that he was wrong. That, or Dean just didn't feel the same way about him as he did. He tossed his burnt-down cigarette butt out the window and lit a fresh one, sniffling deeply and bringing his free hand up to wipe his face. Whatever. He'd get over it. It's not like it hadn't happened before.

He glanced up and saw that the parking lot was empty. All of his co-workers were gone, so he leaned over and popped open the glove box, grabbing his bag of weed and his pack of rolling papers. He rolled a joint and smoked it quickly, trying to calm his nerves before he went home. As the joint burned down between his fingers, he could feel and hear his stomach growling, so he called the Chinese restaurant down the street and ordered some dinner to eat in the car.

When he walked in the front door at ten, stoned and full but not feeling much better, his parents were sitting in the living room, his mother watching TV and his father reading the newspaper. His face must've been red from wiping at it with his hands, because his mother took one look at him and paused the TV.

"What happened, Castiel?" she asked, but there was no concern in her voice.

"Nothing," he mumbled, crossing the living room quickly.

She was quiet for a moment, and Cas had just reached the hallway, thinking he was in the clear, when she spoke again.

"It's that man, isn't it?"

Cas stopped dead in his tracks. "How-" He cut himself off. "What are you talking about?"

She let out a long sigh, and Cas could feel her eyes boring into the back of his head.

"Contrary to what you may believe, your father and I are not stupid. We know you've been seeing someone."

Cas didn't respond.

"This is what happens, Castiel. It's wrong, and you aren't going to be happy until you find yourself a nice woman."

Cas' hands clenched into fists at his sides, but he still didn't turn around. "Christ, mom, can you just- can we not do this?" he pleaded, his voice shaking.

"Don't take the Lord's name in vain, son," his father said sharply.

Cas took a deep breath, finally turning around to face his parents. His mom was staring at him calmly, and his father was still engrossed in the paper. He could never figure out how his mother could say such hurtful things with such a straight face. "Can you please just let it go?" he asked quietly, struggling to keep his voice even.

Naomi's lips pressed into a thin line as she studied his face. "We'll discuss this tomorrow," she said finally.

"Fine," he said quickly, turning on his heel. "Goodnight."

"Do you want dinner?" she called after him.

"I already ate," he mumbled.

He heard a muttered "Of course" from one of them, and it only served to infuriate him further. It took all of his strength not to slam his bedroom door, but he knew that if he did, it would only make things worse. He lowered himself down onto the edge of his mattress, dropping his head into his hands and choking out a sob.

When he finally looked up, Roger was at the corner of his cage, standing up and sniffing in his direction. Cas reached out and popped open the door to his cage, and Roger immediately jumped out and scurried up his arm and onto his shoulder. He began licking his earlobe, and Cas reached up to scratch him.

He slowly leaned back on the bed, giving Roger time to crawl onto his chest so he didn't fall. The rat then stood up, placing both of his little paws on Cas' mouth and licking the salty tears off of his cheeks.

Cas smiled weakly, scratching Roger's little body with his fingernails. "What would I do without you, Rog?" he asked softly.