Fumbling in the dark and banging his shins in the process on something that he determined to kick the next time he saw it, Harry made his way around to the back of Ruth's house. Had she not left a light on which he presumed was to make it more welcoming when she returned, he would have tripped over the steps to the porch. In her haste to leave, Ruth had left the back door open but this was the Harry that loved her not her boss and this was Ruth's domain not his, he couldn't just barge in. For one ridiculous moment he was mindful to tell Ruth to update her security until he realised the stupidity of the thought. She wasn't Ruth Evershed from the Home Office she was Susan Barnes. This wasn't central London it was about as remote as it got, and in a small rural community where everyone would look out for each other, Ruth was hardly likely to get burgled. Teetering on her porch and reluctant to go inside he spotted what looked like some sort of leaflet that had been made by a child. His first thought filled him with horror. Children came with fathers and mothers but surely Ruth hadn't become involved with someone in such a short space of time? Ruth didn't do anything quickly, she had a certificate that said 'I take ages to make up my mind,' and besides which she was his. Reaching forward he picked up the leaflet and within a minute was back in the Range Rover and driving equally quickly back up the hill.
The candles had been lit and were flickering along the front of each and every pew. The scene was set and at the appointed time, Ron dipped the lights and the vicar asked everyone to stand. Harry had only just made through the doors before they'd been shut behind him, but like the spy that he was, he'd found himself a seat where he was anything but conspicuous. Assuming that he'd eventually spot her, he had absolutely no idea that within a few moments he'd be able to spend the rest of his evening feasting is eyes on Ruth as he'd never seen her before, or in fact that if he'd reached out his hand as she walked past him he'd be able to touch her.
As the choir stood to sing the opening carol and the audience most of which was made up of parents and relatives held their breath, Harry's heart that had been racing at a rate that he knew wasn't healthy, went into overdrive. Ruth, his Ruth, looking more glorious and confident than he'd ever seen her, walked slowly down the aisle with a boy that Harry presumed to be about ten. Turning to face the congregation she smiled, the signal for Rory and Maisie to walk forward. As parents strained in an effort to spot their individual offspring, over heads that were blocking their vision, Harry didn't move, he was transfixed. Everything that he had ever felt for her was crystalized into that one single moment.
Ruth's plan that 'Away in a Manger' should be the high point of the evening, had Harry holding tight to the top of the pew in front of him to stop himself falling. The children had made their way from the hillside and from behind the makeshift houses and had gathered in front of Ruth, with an ease that belied the lack of practice that had gone into this performance. As the congregation sat back down and Harry took another deep breath, his eyes joined the children's that were already fixed upon Ruth. It was dark all but the candle light and the lights on the tree and nobody was watching the stranger that had arrived in their village unannounced. Breathing in time with the woman that he loved, he felt energised and healed, but most of all he felt at home.
Ruth threw everything she had into these few precious moments as she conducted her little band of angels through their unaccompanied carol. It was a minor miracle, but Aidan sang the first just as Ruth had prayed he would until the others joined in. By the start of the final verse as Ruth's body continued to move in time to the music, Harry had balled up his fists to contain his emotion. Ruth for her part was well aware that the atmosphere behind her was crackling, but had no idea that one of the congregation was struggling to breathe, as he gazed at her unashamedly, prouder than he'd ever been. She was the Ruth that only he knew, luminous in her beauty and so full of life when she did something that she was good at. The energy was just bouncing off her like waves, it was incredible. God how he'd missed her.
It wasn't that Harry couldn't sing, he didn't sing or at least he didn't until the lady that was sitting beside him jabbed at his programme and pointed out that everyone was supposed to be singing Rudolph the red nosed Reindeer. Refraining from saying do you know who I am, he dutifully opened and closed his mouth and mimed. Ruth by now was facing him surrounded by the children, the little ones of which were either hanging onto or leaning against her in order to stay awake. She looked so at home surrounded by children, completely in her comfort zone and clearly enjoying herself. It was a whole new Ruth that he was witnessing, perhaps the Ruth that had briefly had Nico in her life?
As the evening drew to a close Harry stayed put. This was her day and he was content to sit and watch her as one by one she made a fuss of the children, thanking them and reminding them that tomorrow afternoon that they shouldn't be late for the party.
'Brilliant Susan, thank you so much,' said Michael again, giving Ruth a huge hug before disappearing with Rose and the rest of his family through the side door, shouting back to her 'that they'd see her in the morning, no excuses.'
All bar the disappearing footsteps there was silence. Ruth was alone again. She should have felt happy, the whole day had been a success, so why didn't she? She knew the answer. Trying desperately hard to hold it together and not let the realisation that what she had been building herself up to was over and that there was nothing left, she sank down in a pew beside the now silent Bethlehem and gazed at the tree.
Harry held his breath and he also held his ground. Something about Ruth's body language had changed and he needed to decide what. He'd waited so long for this moment but he had no intension of either of them doing a runner this time. Ruth had been so buoyant during the service when she'd been surrounded by the children, but now sitting on her own and gazing at the tree she looked defeated. Why? What was it? You idiot he told himself, realising that any doubts that he may have had that she would be pleased to see him or may have made a new life without him were ridiculous. It was the tree. It was the bloody tree. She'd meant what she'd said in her letter and was remembering their Christmases on the grid after the others had drifted home. The bubble that had surrounded her had burst and she was battling with the reality of her life alone. It was time.
He didn't want to surprise or let alone frighten her, but enough was enough, he was torturing himself watching her. Totally unplanned, he resorted to the tried and tested from another evening in another lifetime and walked silently down the aisle until he was within inches of touching her.
'Nice night out?' he whispered.
She stopped breathing.
For what felt like the longest ten seconds in Harry's life, nothing happened. Ruth hadn't moved, not because she didn't want to, but because she didn't dare. For a moment she thought that on night when the need of him was so strong that she'd rather die than be disappointed, that she'd somehow conjured him up and if she turned round that he wouldn't be there.
He tried again.
'Ruth.'
With a speed that surprised even him, she threw herself at him with a ferocity that belied her size. It should have hurt like hell, but Ruth clinging to him and telling him that she loved him was such an unexpected reaction that he didn't feel anything other than her body pressed against him.
'I love you too,' sounded so bloody inadequate, but it was all that he had in the moment, until he realised that she was shivering despite the fact that he was holding onto her for dear life.
'Home,' he suggested when she finally raised her head and smiled.
'Home,' she agreed, but not before he'd kissed her.
Ron, expecting the church to be empty had arrived unheard and unannounced. He really liked Miss Barnes she was a breath of much needed fresh air in the village. She treated him as an equal with a cheery good morning or the offer of a cup of tea at the end of the day before he went home. He'd kidded his wife Ellie of forty years who been bullying him to retire, that if he'd been thirty years younger it would have been a close run thing as to which home he actually went back to each evening. He was here to lock up and he was just about to tell the couple who were wrapped together inside the gentleman's coat, kissing each other in a way that he'd only seen in films for the last ten years to clear off, when he realised who the lady was. If this was what he hoped it was then it would be round the village in no time, but certainly not from his lips, he needed to make himself scarce.
The house was warm and welcoming. Harry didn't bang his shins on the way in and by the time that Ruth arrived back with a tray of tea and a plate of Rose's mince pies, he'd hung up his coat and was relaxing in front of the fire. At this stage he had no idea that the cottage that he was sitting in belonged to Dolby or the full story as to how Ruth had been forced to come here. Nothing mattered, other than the fact that he was here with her.
'Bed,' she suggested an hour later as she banked up the fire, in such a matter a fact way that it made Harry smile. She was just so bloody confident and capable in what until recently had been an alien environment, but then this was Ruth, so why wouldn't she be?
In truth, Ruth was horrified by the amount of weight that Harry had lost since she'd last seen him and how exhausted he looked. She had another long day ahead of her tomorrow helping to get the hall ready for the party, but for now she needed to sleep. The last thing that she wanted was for Harry to fall asleep on her sofa when she had a comfortable and welcoming bed waiting for them upstairs. It wasn't as though they hadn't slept together before, although that hadn't involved much sleeping. By the size of the suitcase that she had helped him drag out of his car it wasn't just a short visit that he was planning, so anything other than a cuddle another kiss and sleeping could wait. She'd already got her Christmas present, he was here beside her and that was all that mattered.
Harry refrained from saying that the dress that she was wearing made him wish that he didn't feel so tired and Ruth managed to control the emotion that she felt, knowing that the reason that Harry had said that his case could stay where it was until the morning, was because he just couldn't lift it. What he couldn't hide and what he was most dreading, were the bruises that still lingered and the fact that his ribs showed.
The bed was sumptuous for a small cottage as without another word other than 'I assume you'd like me to sleep on the right,' Harry climbed into bed. He'd tried so hard to say awake, but when Ruth pottered back from the bathroom it was to find an already sleeping Harry. It was her turn to gaze at him and just as he'd done a few hours earlier and she couldn't take her eyes off him. She was desperately tired, but for the few precious moments before she leant across his battered body to turn off the light, she was as close to being in heaven as she'd ever felt. All her imaginings hadn't prepared her for this and she knew that the tears that she'd held back for so long were coming, just as surely as she knew that whatever happened in the future, that she couldn't be parted from Harry again.
'I love you so much,' she whispered, as she snuggled in against him and closed her eyes. He was here and he was hers beyond doubt and she intended to look after him and make him whole again. Safe and together for the first time in months, they slept the sleep of the dead.
As Ruth woke and climbed out of bed, Harry slept on. As much as she didn't want to move she knew that she had to. The fire needed attention, she needed to get showered and dressed and then once she'd had breakfast, it was going to be all hands on deck in the village. Therein lay a not inconsiderable problem and with it a decision. Namely the five foot nine head of counter terrorism that was currently asleep in her bed. She didn't want to leave him, in fact the way that he'd looked last night she wasn't going to, which meant that she had to take him with her. But how on earth was she going to introduce him to those who turned up at the hall, who would wonder how miraculously overnight she'd found herself a man.
Her musings were interrupted by Harry talking on his phone, draped in a blanket that he'd presumably found in the bottom of her wardrobe.
'Yes I am with Ruth and no we're not in bed,' was accompanied by his raised eyebrows as he mouthed Catherine. 'We're just about to have breakfast,' had Ruth worrying as to what she could possibly have in her fridge that Harry would consider to be breakfast. The last time that they'd been in this situation together, breakfast had consisted of another half hour in bed, which had seen them arriving late on the grid and had been paramount in increasing the rumours. Now though they were virtually domestic, it was real and she had no idea what Harry normally ate, if anything. Porridge it would have to be, they'd have to go shopping later. They'd never shared a bathroom either and she had no idea as to whether Harry bathed or showered. She'd always assumed it to be the latter, but the thought of finding out had her hands shaking, which resulted in her spilling her tea.
Harry didn't care what Ruth fed him. It was sufficient that he was sitting here in front of her fire having been handed a cup of coffee. They'd spent almost two months apart and he knew nothing about what she'd been doing and how she'd come to be here. The floor was hers. All he wanted was to sit and gaze at her and to listen. For half an hour which was interspersed with the delivery of his breakfast, gentle touches and moments of exquisite silence as they gazed at each other, she told them about her interview with Dolby and his threat that Harry would killed if she didn't do as he'd asked. She told him about her meeting Christopher on the ferry, the kindness of the villagers, about her growing friendship with Michael and especially Rose and how she'd been cajoled into teaching the children.
'I was terrified at first,' she told him, 'but they're lovely, especially the little ones, you'll see,' was said with an enthusiasm that Harry recognised. It led her into the next point, which was to tell him about her commitment at ten and that if he felt up to it, that she'd like him to go with her.
'I have to go this evening as well or they'll send out a search party,' she told him, 'it might even be fun.'
Where you go I will surely follow thought Harry, leaning in to kiss her. He could get used to this.
'Catherine's idea,' he told her as they unpacked his suitcase and Ruth was treated to a pile of trousers and jumpers, none of which she'd seen before. Harry wearing something cuddly and casual had the same effect on Ruth as hers on him, when she wore something akin to the red dress that she'd been wearing the previous evening. It was a somewhat complicated but solvable scenario which would involve a lot of dressing and undressing. Whilst he continued to unpack and stow his clothes in a bedroom that was designed for two people and as such made Ruth's small collection of clothes feel less alone, Ruth headed into the bathroom to have a shower and get dressed.
The sun was starting to come up and by the time that Ruth returned, Harry had opened the curtains and was sitting on the bed and gazing out of the window. It was his first view of what Ruth had woken up to every day and it was mind blowing, it was beautiful. He felt Ruth climb up onto the bed behind him and wrap her arms around him and as he leaned back into her, breathing her in, an arousal that had been missing for so long threatened to overtake him. He hadn't shaved or showered for more than twenty four hours and his was travel dirty in every respect. She was clean and she was beautiful and when he made love to her he wanted it to be perfect, he had to wait. There had been too many misunderstandings and mixed messages between them, that over the years had resulted in one or the other assuming rather than dealing with what was in front of them. Not so now, they had turned a corner.
'I really need to take a shower before we take this further,' was said with a grin on his face, that left Ruth knowing exactly what he was trying to tell her, as she watched his retreating back as he headed into the bathroom leaving her to get dressed and ponder how she would introduce him to her friends. More than anything she didn't want to lie anymore, especially to Rose and to Michael.
Harry insisted that he walked into the hall with his arm around her shoulder although as far as Rose was concerned he didn't need to. The moment that she saw them together she knew exactly who he was. It was the change in Ruth and the electricity that was bouncing off them in waves.
'I'm Harry,' he'd said, shaking her hand and beaming at her with gorgeous twinkling eyes, that had Rose biting her lip to stop herself saying something totally inappropriate for a vicar's wife so going for the obvious, 'very pleased to meet you.'
Ruth said nothing. They'd agreed that it should be him that would explain his arrival in as simple a way as he could and that she'd go along with whatever he said.
'My work takes me all over the world, most recently to the US,' he told them sticking to the truth, 'but as luck would have it, they allowed me to come home for Christmas.'
Rose refrained from asking him what he did and asked the obvious question, which was how long did would he be staying. This was where Harry veered entirely away from the plot by announcing that he'd got a one way ticket, he'd realised that he'd already spent far too much time away from Susan and that he'd stay for as long as she wanted him. Rose thought it sounded like a proposal and Ruth in as many hours, stopped breathing again.
'He's lovely,' Rose told a still shocked to the core but ecstatic Ruth, as for the next hour they sat and watched Harry helping Michael and Ron who were hanging up the decorations whilst they sat at a table in the corner wrapping presents for the children. The hall that was used for everything from a mother and baby group to the New Year's Eve Dance, was taking on a new face at the rate of knots, as parents who had once been the children that were going to attend the party, set too and did what they did at the same time every year.
Until a halt was called at lunchtime when Ruth and Harry were invited back to the vicarage rather than go home, Ruth's had been analysing. The past couldn't be changed nor could what they had seen or done together. She hadn't missed London or her job it was Harry that she'd longed for. Here she'd been accepted without question and if the way that Michael he and Ron were chatting across the other side of the room was anything to go by, then so would he. That they loved each other had never been in doubt, that they knew each other as well as any two souls on earth was a given and now here they were with the chance of a lifetime together. She was going to say yes.