Written for:

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry: Creative Collection
Character - Sirius, Paired Character - James, Prompt - "You didn't even try to save me."

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry: Insane House
Dialogue - "Aren't you too old to be counting stars?"

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry: Jewel Challenge
Kunzite - Bracelet: Write a fic set in the evening

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry: 365 Days
Prompt - Job - Auror

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry: Writing Club
Character appreciation - Character appreciation: Item: Glasses (about James)
Showtime - And All That Jazz - (word) Brawl
Days of the Month - International Ask a Question Day - Write a what if

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry: Resolutions
Pick your favourite 'what if' and write.

His Fault

Characters: Sirius, James

AU where it's known that Peter was the Secret Keeper

xXx

Sirius came home from work on a Thursday evening. It was like any other Thursday, but his thoughts were sour. Sometimes, he wondered why he stayed as Auror. In the grand scheme of things, did he really make a difference? There were still dark wizards. There were still crimes being committed. No matter how many people he arrested, there were still more criminals waiting to be found.

The house was quiet, and he yearned to see Harry. The toddler had a way of brightening up his day no matter how bad it had been, but Harry was spending the night with Remus.

Remus said Sirius needed nights to himself every now and then, without having to deal with a two-year-old, but Sirius didn't mind if he never having a night to himself if it meant he could always keep Harry within arm's reach. He failed James and Lily, but he could protect Harry. It was his life's mission.

Sirius sighed. If he argued with Remus about it, there would have been a brawl to end all brawls because the werewolf feared he wasn't living, just surviving. What did Remus know about Sirius, though? They could barely be in the same room and they only were when it was for Harry. And even then, they barely looked at each other.

Sirius just knew Remus blamed him for the Potters' deaths. After all, it was his idea to make Peter the Secret Keeper and look how that turned out. And even if Remus didn't blame him, Sirius blamed himself.

Sirius looked at the mantle and saw the glasses that James once wore. He remembered how they sometimes fell down onto his nose and made him look like an old man. Lily had thought he was adorable when it happened, so James purposely made it happen whenever she was around. Sirius turned away from the mantle and went to his bedroom. It was early, but suddenly, he felt like going to sleep.

X

Sirius looked up at the sky. He started counting. "One, two, three, four-"

"Aren't you too old to be counting stars?" a voice interrupted.

Sirius' face split into a wide smile as he turned to face the source. "Prongs!"

James didn't return the smile. "You didn't even try to save me."

Sirius frowned. "What are you talking about? Of course I did."

James shook his head. "No, you didn't. You just let me die. You let Lily die!"

Sirius stood up, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. "What are you talking about? I would have given my own life to save you and Lily!"

"Then why didn't you? It should have been you!" James exploded.

"I didn't know Peter was the traitor! I'm sorry!"

"You should have known!" James roared. "It's your fault!"

Sirius shook his head. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Your fault, your fault, your fault," James chanted as he circled him. More voices joined in as bodies appeared. They all began to circle Sirius as they chanted, "Your fault." Remus, Lily, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Peter, and even Harry. They all blamed him. It was his fault. It was all his fault.

X

Sirius' eyes shot open and he sat up in bed, rubbing his forehead. "I hate that dream," he muttered sadly even though he knew it was true. It was his fault.

(word count: 559)