This chapter takes place during the episode Harbinger. After T'Pol finds out about the neuro-pressure sessions between Trip and Corporal Cole, has given Cpl Cole, and the MACO training sessions. It it my AU version of the neuro-pressure scene between T'Pol and Trip - yes that scene. It is very different to cannon. Remember T'Pol Does not experience emotions so I have tried to portray her 'jealousy' in a Vulcan way. I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. I'm just not certain I have the voices of the characters right and I'm not sure if I've gotten Trip's 'head voice' and emotions on point either. Let me know what you think.
I have no skills at or knowledge of fighting with weapons or hand-to-hand combat so if my writing there seams improbable it's because I'm completely making it up!
Trigger warner: portrays imagined scenes of hand to hand contact resulting in the death of a character.
Chapter 6: How to kill your MACO rival
Abandoning her efforts to reach a deep meditative state, T'Pol opened her eyes and regarded the man sitting opposite her. Despite his initial ambivalence, she had begun instructing him in the art of meditation a month before and T'Pol had been quite impressed with his progress so far.
Initially he had struggled to relax and disengage his mind enough to reach even a rudimentary meditative state. It had been a trying few weeks as his constant, shifting, sighing and fidgeting had disturbed her meditation, necessitating that she apply extra time to her discipline in the mornings. After a couple of weeks of frustration, for both of them, he had suddenly hit on a method to achieve the required mental state and since then had improved exponentially.
They had over the past few weeks established a nightly routine, as their duties allowed. He would join her in her quarters for meditation, then they would perform neuro-pressure on each other and finally retire to their own quarters for sleep. It had been, for T'Pol, a period of great equanimity. Her discovery that Commander Tucker had been engaging in neuro-pressure with Corporal Amanda Cole had disrupted her finely tuned balance.
T'Pol looked down at her hands and considered the MACO. Corporal Cole had made it abundantly clear during their neuro-pressure session that she found Commander Tucker attractive and wished to initiate sexual relations with him. Logically, T'Pol could see that they would be compatible mates for each other, both young, fit, healthy, attractive, personable... human.
T'Pol reflected that she had misread human emotions again. She had believed that a strong connection had been been growing between her and Commander Tucker. That his meditation and the neuro-pressure were giving him an understanding of her and her culture and that there was an emotional component to his regard for her that was significant and indicative of a desire for a more intimate connection. It was disquieting to find that he had not hesitated to share that experience with another woman. It seemed to suggest toT'Pol that, while he did have affection for her, it was not remarkable. She reflected on Sim's confession of his feelings for her and his uncertainty if they were his or Commander Tucker's. Perhaps this indicated they were Sim's feelings all along and she had miscalculated greatly. Maybe this was just his human nature. His affections, like his emotions could be fleeting and changeable.
It was logical that she discuss this with Commander Tucker. If he wished to pursue a sexual relationship with Corporal Cole it was likely that any neuro-pressure sessions between herself and the Commander would have to end. She was certain a woman would not consent to her mate engaging in such an intimate practice with another female. That, of course, would have implications for the management of her Pa'nar syndrome, but surely Phlox could compensate with pharmaceuticals. There may even be some logic to neuro-pressure instruction for Commander Tucker and Corporal Cole together, thus allowing her continued access to the beneficial treatment without compromising the humans' intimate relationship.
The second that final thought passed through her mind she was overcome with a sensation of violent nausea. Her physical response troubled her. She considered the earlier MACO training session. In light of the revelation from Phlox that the Commander had been providing neuro-pressure to Corporal Cole, she had tried to surreptitiously observe their interactions looking for indications of an intimate relationship. Instead she had begun to study the Corporal's fighting style, looking for weaknesses in her stance, strength, movements and attention. It suddenly occurred to T'Pol that, as she had watched the other woman sparring, she had been formulating a strategy; a strategy to defeat her rival in a fight to the death.
T'Pol took a sharp breath in as she realised the implications of her reflections. She now knew that regardless of Commander Tucker's feelings or desires for her, that her intentions towards him were clear. Logic could no longer be relied on to dictate her behaviour, she would need to seek clarity immediately. She lifted her head to find herself looking into the smiling blue eyes of the man she considered to be her mate.
Trip had emerged from his state of meditation at the sound of a quick intake breath from T'Pol. He had been pretty reluctant to start meditating not being the kind of guy who just liked to sit and do nothing. Truth be told the first couple of weeks had been agonising. Sitting for what seemed like hours, staring at a candle, trying to enter some kind of mental state he couldn't quite conceptualise. He'd found it impossible to keep still, to prevent his mind from engaging with work problems, and going through to-do lists. He'd pretty much decided to give up when he accidentally hit on a method to enter the meditative state using the pulse of the warp drive.
Using that method he had found it easier and easier to enter the desired state. After a couple of weeks of practicing, he had to admit he enjoyed the sense of calm he got from it. He could also see the benefits for his sleep. On the few nights he and T'Pol had not been able to schedule a session, he had meditated alone and not been plagued by the dreams. He much preferred to meditate with her though. He was amazed by how in tune with her he felt when they meditated together. It was almost as if he could feel her mind along side his. Which is how he knew she was struggling to reach the required mental state this particular night.
"What's on your mind?" He asked, curious about what could be troubling her so much it interrupted her meditation.
"I am questioning the wisdom of continuing these sessions." She responded without preamble.
"You are, why?" Trip felt as though the ground had dropped out from beneath him. He had come to rely on these sessions with T'Pol. He looked forward to the few hours he got to spend with her every day. It wasn't just the neuro-pressure or meditation, it was her. The connection he felt to her, both mental and physical during this time was profound. Something about being in proximity to her made him feel... better, happier, more relaxed... he could never quite figure out what it was, just that he wanted it.
"You seem to be forming an intimate connection with Corporal Cole. I do not wish our time spent together to interfere with any potential relationship with her."
What the hell! Trip was aghast. "Um, it's very considerate of you to be looking out for my hypothetical fledgling relationship with Amanda, but I don't have any interest in her, beyond friendship."
"She has indicated that she would be interested in mating with you, and you have performed neuro-pressure on her."
Trip gave a cough of laughter "Mating! I bet she phrased it just like that. Look, we just got talking about stuff, home, people we knew, that kind of thing. She asked about the neuro-pressure and I suggested she give it a try. I only wanted to show her how great it was. I didn't have any idea she was into me until she kissed me."
"You kissed?" T'Pol thought about her observations of Corporal Cole's fighting style. She had noted that when the Corporal completed a particular attack sequence, she dropped her defences for a brief period and looked up slightly, exposing her neck. T'Pol had seen that this would offer a perfect opportunity to deliver a decisive blow, or perhaps a kick, to the Corporal's throat. Vulcans were significantly stronger than humans and T'Pol knew she had sufficient strength, that with the correct hit, she could crush the younger woman's trachea, restricting her airflow such that, without immediate medical treatment, it would result in certain death.
Trip laughed, completely unaware of the direction that T'Pol's thoughts were heading. "I wouldn't say we kissed, I would say she kissed me." Trip had been totally taken by surprise when Amanda had kissed him. He had genuinely suggested the neuro-pressure session to demonstrate the medical benefits of the practice and show that it was completely innocent. He felt like a bit of an idiot that he hadn't noticed Amanda's obvious interest in him. Usually he wasn't so clueless about women.
"I'm not sure I understand the difference." She stated thinking about a series of attacks Cole liked to make that ended with her turned slightly sideways to her opponent. T'Pol theorised That it would be quite feasible to feint an movement, causing Cole to open herself up further. T'Pol knew from her study of human anatomy that a sharp blow the kidney area, with the blade of the hand, could catch a large nerve, close to the skin, causing death.
"Believe me, there's a big difference." He told her
"Did you pull away when she kissed you?" Perhaps, T'Pol considered, it would be best to use a series of manoeuvres designed to get the attacker behind the opponent. She was confident Cole would not be familiar with the Suus Mahna technique she was thinking of. Once behind her, it would be a simple matter of grabbing Cole's head and twisting suddenly, the violent jerk would be powerful enough to separate vertebrate, severing the spinal cord. Death would be instantaneous.
Trip snorted with uncomfortable laughter, he couldn't believe he was having this conversation. "That would have been kind of rude, and would have insulted her unnecessarily. I just let her kiss me. Trust me, I won't be giving her the opportunity to do it again." He was actually quite glad that T'Pol had stepped in and put a stop to any more sessions with Amanda. He liked Amanda and, from a completely dispassionate perspective, could see that she was attractive. But what he felt for the woman in front of him, made Amanda seem like like a cardboard cutout of a person by comparison.
"I would argue that if you did not terminate the kiss, then you participated in it. Even if it was passively." T'Pol considered the possibility of armed combat. The challenge was usually fought with a lirpa, but she knew Cole would have no experience with a Vulcan weapon. Honour dictated that they use a blade both combatants were familiar with. A knife seemed the best option. T'Pol knew Cole carried one into conflict situations so she must have training. T'Pol was confident in her knife skills and felt her greater strength would give her the advantage.
He laughed. "Have you ever even been kissed? I'm not sure you're qualified to make that assessment."
"I have experienced a kiss." She stated plainly, her combat plans put aside for now.
"Really?" He was intrigued. "Did you kiss him back?"
"I was the one who initiated the kiss."
Trip felt a knot in his throat. Here he was hoping that she was starting to see him as something more than just an emotional human and thinking that there was no one else in her life with even close to the intimacy he had with her, meanwhile she's off kissing other guys. "Who was it?"
T'Pol was quite sure that he would not be happy if she told him who. She was well aware that his feelings towards the clone were conflicted at best and antagonistic at worst. "It is immaterial who it was, I was simply pointing out that I do have experience."
Trip narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips. He got the strong impression it was someone he knew or she would just tell him. It was most likely a human, as far as he understood it, Vulcans didn't kiss. So that meant it was probably someone on Enterprise. Trip felt a stir of jealousy form in his stomach as he mentally reviewed the candidates. He dismissed Malcolm, he was pretty certain the Lieutenant would have not been able to resist telling him if something like that had happened. Phlox just seemed unlikely. The Captain was the only other real candidate on board and there was a certain closeness between the two. "Was it" Captain Archer?"
T'Pol's eyes widened "It would be extremely inappropriate for me to engage in intimate contact with the captain of my vessel." She told him curtly
She'd actually seemed offended by that suggestion, so that ruled out the Captain. Trip's relief was palatable. But who did that leave. The answer came to him with a sick kind of hollow feeling that made him wish it had been the Captain. "It was Sim, wasn't it?"
She was beginning to wonder if Commander Tucker may have some latent telepathic skills. "As I said, it is immaterial who it was. Sim is dead, anything that occurred between us is in the past and I consider it private."
Trip stood up and walked to the window, looking out at the distorted stars. He had never been able to shake the feeling that if all things had been equal between him and the clone, then he would have been taking a free ride in a torpedo casing. He couldn't help but think that Sim had been somehow more than him, better in some undefinable way. As if Sim got Trip's whole life and added something to it, improved it. He noted bitterly that he'd spent two and a half years getting to know T'Pol and hadn't seemed to have reached a higher status than 'slightly annoying friend', whereas Sim had only known her for a week and managed to get her to kiss him.
He turned to find she was standing behind him. "You know as far as I'm concerned the guy seemed to have had a copy of my body, my mind and my memories. He seemed to just slip into my life without too much trouble at all. Seeing as it was my life he was living, I'd like to know how he ended up kissing you in it." He found it so difficult to rationalise his relief at being alive with the feelings of disquiet he had about the existence of another person who knew his whole life.
T'Pol's eyes flicked sideways in an unusual show of discomfort. "You must remember that this is when my experiments with the trellium began. I was experiencing emotions in a way I was not accustomed to."
"I see, I'd be fascinated to learn what emotion you were experiencing that compelled you to kiss him?" He asked bitterly.
"I believe it was guilt." She said quietly. "I imagine the entire crew felt guilty about his situation."
"Is that right? Did the whole crew kiss him as well, or was your guilt special somehow?" He spat sarcastically.
"I doubt the entire crew kissed him, his entire life only lasted a week, his adulthood only a few days, I imagine there was not time for him to engage in that many interpersonal interactions." She told him.
"You think?" He was often amazed when she took sarcasm so literally, it's not like she wasn't above using it herself. "Well let's forget about the rest of the crew then and talk about your particular 'interpersonal interactions' with him."
"He admitted to me that he had feelings for me but was not sure if they were his or yours."
Well that's perfect, thought Trip. Isn't it always the way, you're brain dead in a coma for one week and your clone starts blabbing to the ship's Vulcan about how you're in love with her. "So that's all it takes to get a Vulcan to kiss someone? I wouldn't let that kind of information get out if I were you. You'll never get any work done you'll be getting so many declarations of love."
This time T'Pol recognised his sarcasm at once and ignored it. "I kissed him because I wanted him to have an experience of happiness that was his own. To compensate for what he was giving us, for what he was giving me, by sacrificing his life. I experienced guilt because it was wrong from an ethical perspective, to create a sentient being with the intention of harvesting his tissue to save another person's life. That wrong was further compounded when the afore mentioned sentient being was required to complete the tissue harvesting procedure even though it would result in his death."
"You felt guilty because he existed?" Trip couldn't quite grasp what she was telling him.
"No, I experienced guilt because I did nothing to prevent his creation, or his premature death despite the fact that I had profound questions about the ethics of both."
Trip pursed his lips "So why didn't you do anything about it then if you thought it was so wrong?"
T'Pol looked at him and blinked several times. "Because I wanted you to live. Because I found I could not envision my life without you in it." She said plainly.
Trip was overcome by strange feeling, almost like he was falling and drowning at the same time. He took a deep breath and decided to put himself on the line. "You know, I have no interest in Amanda Cole at all and those feelings Sim told you about, they were mine."
They both stood for a moment, facing each other, neither quite sure how to progress from there. Trip wasn't certain, but he kind of felt like she'd just told him that her feelings were far more than platonic. If she were human, he would just kiss her and see where it went from there. But she wasn't human and he'd always had the thought in his mind when they discussed emotional matters that they were talking past each other. He was fully aware that if he made an unwelcome move on her she could break one of his limbs, or worse. He didn't even want to imagine explaining that to the Captain. He looked at her, so beautiful, so contained and oh so difficult to read. Fuck it, he thought stepping towards her, someone has to make a move and fortune favours the brave.
He closed the distance between them, put his hand at the base of her head, mentally braced himself for any forthcoming violence, and kissed her.