She Does Not Remember
Author Notes
Hey there... :) Ready for more sadness that makes your heart clench? I'm not. :')
May you enjoy~
Chapter 2 – Hospital Results
Dazed blue eyes looked around the room and all she could see was white. She sighed.
A white room again huh..? Well, I am in a hospital after all...
Honoka turned her head towards the door where she can vaguely make out a few heads which she assumed to be the doctor and people that knew her.
...
The constant silence in the room almost caused a loud ringing to buzz in the ginger's head, so she frowned and shook her head slightly. She concentrated on the murmurs of voices outside instead.
"The patient has amnesia due to a blood clot near her brain."
"What?"
"Is that serious?"
"What will happen to Honoka-chan?"
"How did this happen..?"
"Honoka..."
Maki cleared her throat. "Let Mama- Doctor Nishikino finish explaining."
The ten other people which also included Honoka's family members kept silent at the redhead's tone.
Doctor Nishikino smiled a small, understanding smile; she has seen many cases of worried friends and families through the years of being a doctor. This case was no different, even if it's someone she knows.
"Leaving the blood clot as it is could lead to it worsening and the patient might even suffer a stroke."
Honoka's mum gasped, both hands to her mouth while her husband squeezed her shoulders gently. "Stroke..."
"I recommend removing the blood clot. Which is possible by surgery or medication." Doctor Nishikino made eye contact with Honoka's parents as she waits for further questions or decisions.
"Wh-What is the...success rate of the surgery?" Honoka's mum asked, her voice shaky.
"A blood clot surgery of this level has an estimated seventy-five percent success rate."
"... What will happen if it fails?" Yukiho questioned.
Doctor Nishikino looked over to the younger Kousaka. "The veins in Kousaka Honoka's brain might-"
"She'll die?" Yukiho cut her off. She didn't feel like listening about the specifics of how her sister's brain is going to be damaged which leads to the loss of her sister.
"Brain dead is similar to that of death, yes." Doctor Nishikino replied her tone constantly solemn.
Yukiho clenched her fists around her skirt, while her parents held each other in comfort; wondering what to do next.
"You don't have to make an immediate decision right away. You can go take a look at your daughter first. She should be awake already."
Honoka's mum nodded and they hurried into the ward where Honoka is in. The remainder of Muse followed in but know to let Honoka's family members have their time and space with their daughter.
Honoka's mum gazed sadly at her eldest daughter sitting on the hospital bed; the usual Honoka would be bouncing on bed with a wide smile and greeting them, but alas she was not.
The gingerhead stared back with an unsure expression. She even visibly shrinked inwards, clearly afraid of the people around her she does not remember.
More people I don't know... Don't remember...
"Honoka..." Honoka's mum reached a hand over to hold her daughter's face softly, but was met with her daughter shuffling backwards in the bed, her fear tenfold.
"Wh-Who are you?" Honoka asked in a soft voice; she was afraid but she still made eye contact with the woman she was speaking to before lowering her gaze to stare at the woman's chin instead.
Why did she try to touch me? Are we supposed to be close..?
Honoka's mum felt ready to break down into tears as her heart ached from her own daughter's question, thankfully, her husband's firm hands on her shoulders gave her the necessary strength to go on.
"I- I'm your mum...Honoka..." Honoka's mum collected herself again before placing a gentle hand on her husband's. "And he is your dad..."
My mum...and dad... Why can't I remember a thing about them..? They just look like strangers that are really sad...
Honoka's dad nodded to his elder daughter when the gingerhead looked over but quickly lowered her gaze again. Honoka's dad may be a strong man, but there are situations that can hurt him; his daughter being afraid to look at him because she does not recognize him is one that tore his heart.
The gingerhead flinched when she felt someone else's warmth on her hand. Looking over, she sees a redhead with a very fierce expression; Yukiho was doing her best to hold back from screaming at her older sister and from breaking down into a sobbing mess. She had to stay strong for her parents and sister.
Who..?
"Onee-chan..." Yukiho called before boring her eyes into Honoka's nape as she could not bear the sight of her older sister that looked afraid of her.
'Onee-chan'... I'm her older sister..?
Honoka's expression softened slightly at the way she was addressed by the redhead; Honoka may have forgotten how her family looks like or what they've experienced together, but it didn't change the fact that Honoka cared for her family's happiness. Honoka mustered a tiny smile despite how scared she was of all the unknown.
"M-May I know your name? ..Or...How did I address you..?" Honoka asked, her voice still small as she didn't want to speak out of place.
I guess I should find out how I... used to address the people... I knew...
Yukiho's eyes widened at her older sister's initiative to ask her name, when she looked up to see the small smile on the ginger's face; she did not know to feel glad that Honoka was opening up to her, or devastated at the vast difference from her older sister's bright smile she used to always wear.
Yukiho mustered her own small smile for her sister and tightened her hold on the ginger's hand. "I'm Yukiho. And you call me Yukiho too..."
"Yu...kiho..." Honoka tried calling her sister's name albeit shy and uncertain, the redhead felt some warmth welling up in her as she threw her arms around the gingerhead who was no less than surprised. "E-Eh?!"
Why- Why are you hugging me so suddenly!?
"Onee-chan...Onee-chan..!" Yukiho hugged her sister with all her might.
Honoka gulped nervously; such an emotional hug from someone she just got to know, even if it is her younger sister scares her.
"Do...Do you remember anything? Anything at all?" Yukiho pulled back a little, tears free falling from her azure eyes.
I made my younger sister cry because I don't remember her...
Honoka saw the tears and immediately felt responsible for causing sadness to the redhead. She wanted to do something for her, but she just can't pull up a single memory with the girl in front of her. Honoka frowned as her head started to ache from trying to conjure up a memory; her hands naturally moved up to her head and clutched it.
Why can't I remember a thing..? Who is...Yukiho..?
"Ugh..." Honoka shook her head. "I...No...Ugh..." The gingerhead gripped the sides of her head strongly as she shook her head from side to side, hoping for the pain to disappear.
Yukiho fell backwards, away from her older sister that was in pain. The redhead's heart stung from the cold, hard truth; her older sister does not remember anything with her. And now her beloved older sister is in pain. She covered her mouth with her hand to muffle and stop her cries.
"Honoka..? Honoka dear, are you okay?" Honoka's mum croaked as she tried to reach out to her daughter that looked like she was going to crush her skull.
"Nnghh..." Honoka frowned in pain and shook her head rapidly; desperate for the pain to go away.
"Let me take a look." Doctor Nishikino stepped up and placed gentle hands on the gingerhead's shoulder. "Honoka-san, relax. Breathe in slowly...Then breathe out slowly... There's no need to rush to remember..." Doctor Nishikino instructed with a soothing voice.
Nnghh...Breathe...slowly...
Honoka's grip on her head slackened as her breathing stabilized. "I...I'm sorry..." Honoka looked from the doctor to her family members with a pained and apologetic look.
I'm sorry for making you sad...
Her family member's tear-streaked faces and obviously hurt looks only made the gingerhead feel even more guilty, while her family was feeling sad and helpless for their daughter and sister respectively.
Yukiho felt like she could not hold back much longer, so she turned tail and ran out the ward, she didn't want to outrightly sob in front of her older sister. Honoka's mum turned around to bury her cries in her husband's shoulder, and her husband gently guided his wife out of the ward as he shed silent tears, nodding to the doctor that they will be outside.
"Remember to take deep and slow breaths when you feel unstable, alright Honoka-san?" Doctor Nishikino gave a small squeeze to her patient's shoulder. Once she received a nod from the gingerhead, she turned to exit and continue the necessary discussion with Honoka's family.
"Mama..." Maki murmured when her mum walked past her.
"Take care of your friend." Maki's mum gave a reassuring squeeze to her daughter's shoulder coupled with an encouraging smile before she went on her way.
Eight girls; eight very close friends of Honoka's stood rigidly as they tried to digest the gingerhead's and her family's interaction that just passed. Many wanted to hurry beside their friend, but they weren't sure how to go about comforting or just talk to the gingerhead whom is going through a lot.
The timid brunette of the group pulled up a determined face as she walked over to her ginger friend, her two hands intertwined together in a prayer.
"H-Honoka-chan..." The brunette stuttered out in a really soft voice.
Honoka looked up to see who has approached her, and saw a short-haired, bespectacled brunette who looked afraid of her; the gingerhead shared the same sentiments, though the brunette wasn't afraid of Honoka, but afraid that she will cause harm to Honoka.
She's one of the girls back in the nurse's office at school... I think...
"Honoka-chan...You...probably don't remember me...I'm...Koizumi Hanayo..." Hanayo steeled her heart to look at her dear friend even if it means she's met with an afraid, sad or blank expression; what Hanayo saw was Honoka's eyebrow slightly furrowed in thought. The brunette pressed her connected palms together tightly, hoping that Honoka won't push herself too hard to remember till she hurts.
Koizumi...Hanayo... She looks gentle and kind... But... I can't bring up anything that indicates that... Uh-
Just before Honoka reached the limits of attempting to search for out-of-reach memories, Hanayo spoke up again. "I..." Honoka looked up, a tiny tear forming at the edge of her eyes from trying to remember.
"You usually call me 'Hanayo-chan' or 'Kayo-chan'... Depending on how you feel...I guess..." Hanayo lowered her head, upset that she could not tell more of when the excitable gingerhead of the past would choose which nickname for her.
How I feel...
Honoka had a small smile mixed with a whole lot of melancholic feelings she hoped did not show. "Ha...nayo-chan..."
"Y-Yes!" The brunette immediately responded to the voice that she missed so much. The tiny smile from the gingerhead that graced her also served as a confidence boost as the brunette sucked in a breath of air to continue her approach.
"Honoka-chan... Once you get better, and I mean once you get discharged!" Hanayo quickly added so that the gingerhead won't fall into depressive thoughts of when she would be "better". "Let's...go get rice together...Like onigiri! Mmph, I'll make onigiri for you and we can eat it together like we use to!" Hanayo smiled widely, maybe drooling a little too as she spoke of her beloved rice and eating that beloved rice with her dear friend.
Hanayo-chan looks happy... I'm glad...
Honoka's lips edged upwards a bit more than before. "Hanayo-chan must really like rice..."
Hanayo beamed as she took in the smiling gingerhead; even if it's not as wide as it would have been, Honoka was smiling at her. "Mmph! I love rice! And we even sneaked some together when we were supposed to be running, Honoka-chan!" Hanayo giggled a little at the memory.
Honoka's expression took a dip to sadness again as she lowered her gaze to the bed sheets instead of the brunette.
Eating rice with Hanayo-chan... when we were running..? ...
"I'm sorry...I don't know... I don't remember..." Honoka apologized in a soft voice.
Hanayo took an involuntary step backwards as she lost the joyful feelings she had from earlier and the thoughts that she was making a positive progress with her dear friend vanished.
"I...I'm the one who's sorry, Honoka-chan... I shouldn't have talked about that...!" Hanayo felt the heavy feeling in her chest return.
Don't apologize...Hanayo-chan... This is my fault... Why can't I remember a thing..?
Rin jumped to the front, unable to stand the sight of her two bestfriends apologizing to each other and being nothing but sad. "It's no one's fault, nya!"
Rin placed a reassuring hand to the brunette's shoulder before standing closer to the gingerhead. "Honoka-chan... Rin is...Hoshizora Rin. And I'm Honoka-chan's friend, nya!" Rin did her best to keep the positive attitude even though the ginger haired girl was staring gloomily at the blankets and the people behind her were almost equally or more glum.
Rin..?
"And you always call me Rin-chan, nya!" Rin did a nya pose with her cat-like grin; with a small wish in her heart to instil some happy, positive feelings in everyone.
Honoka gave a sidewards glance to the orange haired girl with the tomboyish short cut.
I should say something before I cause her smile to disappear...
"Rin...chan..nya?" Honoka wanted to add a smile, but for some reason her face muscles weren't obeying.
Rin kept her positive energy on high as she bounced to Honoka and took the gingerhead's hand in hers. She felt the flinch but did her best to ignore the twisting pain in her heart. "It's only 'Rin-chan', nya!" Rin giggled at the cute mistake the gingerhead made.
Said gingerhead blushed slightly. "Rin-chan..."
"Yup, nya!" Rin nodded.
"Why do you say 'nya'..?" Honoka asked, her body wanted to take her hands back, but the grip of the girl that go nya tightened.
"Because Rin loves cats, nya! Isn't nya cute?!" Rin bounced on the spot energetically.
Honoka giggled a little.
Is she asking if she's cute or asking if the sound 'nya' is cute? Either way...Rin-chan is cute...
Honoka's soft but genuine giggle served as a lifebuoy for her friends lost out at sea as they could see a hint of old Honoka.
Rin threw the gingerhead's hands in the air before tackling the ginger into a heartfelt hug.
"R-Rin-chan..?" Honoka was surprised at the sudden close proximity and she felt scared all over again.
"I love you, Honoka-chan, nya~!" Rin exclaimed before hands reach over to pull the cat girl back.
L-Love me..?
"Rin...Don't frighten Honoka... I think she does not take well to sudden physical contact..." A gentle but serious voice spoke.
"Eli-chan... But Rin likes hugging Honoka-chan..." Rin pouted as she got pulled back to the crowd of girls.
I'm sorry... I just... don't know how to react to such close actions with people I don't know...
An audible sigh got heads turning to the redhead of the group.
"Maki-chan..?"
Maki looked to the purplenette, blond and onyx haired girls. "Honoka needs to get some rest soon. So why don't you three introduce yourself to her before we go?"
The three third years realized that they were the only one that haven't properly introduced themselves, though it's debatable whether the gingerhead's childhood friends had a 'proper' introduction earlier at the nurse's office since they were a crying mess.
Eli nodded and walked over to Honoka's side. "Honoka..." Eli called gently which the gingerhead responded by giving her attention to the tall blond beside her.
"Do you...know who I am?" Eli didn't know what compelled her to ask that insensitive question; she supposed deep down she just wanted for the miniscule of a chance for Honoka to say that she knew who Eli is.
A tall, beautiful and blond girl..? She has a gentle voice...so I guess she's really kind and gentle too... But... Who..? Uu...
Honoka took her time to answer as she scrutinized the blond. Her expressions changing from wary to thoughtful to pained in the time she took to reply.
"Honoka." The gentle voice commanded as she took the ginger's hands that instinctively went up to the side of the ginger's head from trying to force a memory out.
Honoka allowed the blond to hold her hand gently as she searched the girl with scared and apologetic blue eyes.
Gentle and exhausted sky blue eyes locked with the ginger's as she gave a smile that was hopefully encouraging, not reflecting the disappointment inside her.
"Honoka... I'm Ayase Eli. I'm...your friend... And also the president of the Student Council..." Eli had a wry smile as she thought about her position in school which allowed her to meet the forward-looking, ball of sunshine also known as Honoka; she knew better than to make another insensitive comment though.
Ayase Eli... I'm friends with the Student Council President..?
Honoka opened her mouth but nothing came out as she wasn't sure how to address the girl.
"Eli-chan." The blond answered Honoka's unspoken query.
"Eli...chan..." Honoka said the name of her supposed friend.
Eli nodded and breathed in deeply to stop the influx of tears. She gently pulled her hands away from the ginger's as she covered her mouth and walked over to the group, indicating that she was done with her turn.
The purple haired girl looked over to the shorter girl with twin tails that shrugged. Understanding it as allowing her to go first, she went up to the gingerhead who was waiting for her next visitor.
"Hey there...Honoka-chan..." The purple haired girl tried to bring out her usual calming grin but she felt that the nervousness and sadness in her heart might be showing.
The purple haired girl paused, wondering what to say next while Honoka stared.
She looks like a really nice person...
"Could I- Could I sit here?" The purplenette scolded herself internally for stuttering; she felt that she had no rights to be displaying upset and dejected emotions when the gingerhead with the amnesia was sure to feel even more scared and lost.
Honoka nodded for the purplenette to sit on the bedside.
"I'm Toujou Nozomi... Everyone tend to tease that I'm the mother of the group...Even you..." Nozomi smiled a forlorn smile.
Toujou Nozomi... Mother..?
"Do you think caring a lot for everyone makes you the mother?" Nozomi let out a soft chuckle as she fidgeted with her fingers.
No...but being seen as a mother is something to be proud of...I think.
Honoka shook her head as a no.
"By the way, I'm also the vice president of the Student Council." Nozomi added a wink for a mischievous effect, wondering if it'll work on the gingerhead though the underlying meaning would be lost to the girl who did not remember how fearful the Student Council could be.
Vice president of the Student Council?! I sure know a lot of big shots... I wonder if there are any other high ranking people here...
Honoka glanced over to the seven girls standing around before looking at the purple haired girl again.
"Nozomi-chan..?" Honoka called with uncertainty.
"Yes?" Nozomi replied gently; not wanting to frighten the gingerhead with a bear hug she wanted to share.
"Um...Do I get in trouble a lot..? That's why I know the President and the Vice president of the Student Council..." Honoka stared at her hands shyly.
Nozomi's turquoise eyes widened in surprise by the question before some mirth returned in her eyes. Nozomi giggled which got the ginger's attention. "Oh, you were a lot of trouble~"
I was a trouble maker? I don't have any memories of myself, but I somehow can't see myself as a bad kid...
Honoka's eyes widened in horror before pouting.
"But never something huge that you had to visit the Student Council or the Principal's office~" Nozomi added after feeling some warmth returned in her heart from the cute display from the gingerhead she dearly missed.
"Eh..?" Honoka relaxed slightly though now she was unsure how much trouble she was.
Nozomi chuckled. "I'll leave you to Nicocchi now." The purplenette got off the bedside, took an extra look at the gingerhead before walking back to the group.
The girl of smaller stature compared to the previous two girls that spoke to Honoka walked over. The black haired, twin tailed girl had a long frown as she glared at Honoka.
I guess she's still angry at me for not remembering...
Honoka shifted on the bed, feeling bad for angering the girl with black hair and ruby red eyes that was sending her a stern glare.
I think she said she was 'Nico'..?
Honoka bit her lip before trying. "N-Nico-chan..?"
Nico frowned more, she didn't like how unsure Honoka sounded when calling her name, she also still blamed herself for breaking down earlier in front of the already hurt girl that did not need a crying senior.
"Yazawa Nico." Nico informed her full name as she made eye contact with the ginger.
"Yazawa Nico-chan..?" Honoka tried again.
Nico groaned. "I'm just letting you know my full name. You do call me by 'Nico-chan'."
"Oh. Okay..." Honoka lowered her gaze, feeling ashamed for getting the black haired girl's intentions wrongly.
Nico-chan is kind of scary...
Nico took a frustrated step closer the the gingerhead; she wanted to choose between the extremes such as running away or slapping some sense, or memories in this case back into the gingerhead, but had to control her emotions to not veer in those directions.
Nico chose the middle ground of not gripping Honoka's hands, not pulling the ginger into a tight hug, and not sugar coating her words.
"Do you have any questions? I'll do what I can to answer them." Nico nod her head to prompt Honoka who looked ready to hide back into her shell.
"Um..." Honoka shifted in her seat again.
"Any question." Nico reassured.
"Really?" Honoka asked like a child.
"Yes, really." Nico tried to relax her shoulders so as to not seem too intimidating.
Honoka nodded. "How tall are you?"
Nico's eye twitched but answered. "1.54m."
"How tall am I?"
Nico grunted. "1.57m. What about it?"
Honoka shook her head quickly. "How old are you?"
"18." Nico replied curtly.
"How old am I?"
"17."
"I'm younger than Nico-chan..." Honoka muttered to herself.
"Are you trying to mock me?" Nico glowered, Honoka shook her head rapidly.
"I'm not!"
"Then why are you asking these questions?" Nico gestures exasperatedly.
Honoka lowered her head. "I was curious..."
"You-"
"You looked small and cute, so... I thought I might be the older one instead..." Honoka explained her curiosity shyly.
Nico blushed at 'small and cute'; she didn't like small, but she certainly loved being complimented as cute, plus this was from Honoka.
"Also..." Honoka trailed off, unsure how to ask.
"Ask anything, remember?" Nico gave a lopsided smile for encouragement.
Honoka nodded. "If you're older...why am I calling you 'Nico-chan'..? Nozomi-chan and Eli-chan too..." Honoka looked over to the other two she assumed to be her seniors before looking at the senior beside her.
Nico stared at Honoka; caught in a moment of upset for being reminded that the gingerhead does not remember why they addressed each other like such.
"Because Eli" Nico gestured to the tall blond. "ordered that we have no senior-junior barrier between us. We are all equals. We are all a group of close...dumb friends..."
Nico trailed off as she thought about how they really were a close group of friends, as good as family; only because of Honoka who reached out to each of them. Yet now, their leader, the one who started it all had forgotten all about it.
"I see..." Was Honoka's short and clear response; she could see what they are supposed to be, but that was all. She still does not remember.
Nico's lips connected in a tight line as she turned away, not wanting to look at the empty gingerhead at the moment, else her heart might clench and those annoying tears may fall again; Nico really did not like to show weakness in front of everyone though they all can see through her facade.
A silent consensus passed through the eight girls as they turned for the door, but was stopped by a voice; a voice they was not expecting at the moment but desired it wholeheartedly at the same time.
"Maki-chan..."
The redhead whipped her entire body around to face Honoka who had called her. Maki's strong violets shimmered once from the wet that threatened to be released as she looked at Honoka; her heart hoping with her mind racing.
"Thank you..."
Maki's heart fell a little from those words, but she still held strong.
"Thank you for bringing me here...and...for being here I supposed..." Honoka lowered her head as she wasn't sure what she wanted to say anymore. She just wanted to voice her gratitude and also call the names of the friends who cared for her that she has yet to call.
Maki nodded slowly. "Y-You're welcome..." Maki turned back towards the door but before the group could start walking again.
"K-Kotori-chan...right?"
The ash-grey haired girl was facing her childhood friend on the hospital bed in less than a second, her golden orbs shaking with more tears that wanted to flow despite how puffy and red her eyes were already.
"Mmph!" Kotori answered as she gripped her skirt tightly, her fists balled together a handful of her skirt as she willed herself not to cry or run over to her best friend. The ash-grey could not stand another second of how her best friend looked at her now, so she turned away.
Honoka looked visibly dejected but shook her head lightly; it was to tell herself to be strong, but it also acted as a message to the other girls not to blame the ash-grey haired girl for acting how she did.
"Umi...chan..?" Honoka looked to the blue haired girl, a hint of fear in her eyes.
Umi felt a pain in her heart from those eyes; Honoka used to pretend to be afraid of her, now her childhood friend really was afraid of her.
Umi nodded like a broken robot; shakily and rigidly. "I am Umi."
Honoka returned a nod of her own and wondered what to say next, she would apologize but she remembered Umi's outburst earlier which she screamed about not wanting to hear Honoka apologize. "You two are...my-"
Honoka wasn't able to finish her question as a loud sob escaped the ash-grey haired girl who ran for the exit. "I'm sorry, Honoka-chan!"
Kotori could not stay, did not want to stay; as she did not want to hear her best friend being uncertain of their relationship, neither did she want to have to respond to the question.
Umi took in Honoka's pained expression before turning to her other childhood friend. "Kotori-"
The door closed leaving the eight other girls in the room with a heavy silence.
Umi turned back to the gingerhead. "Kotori is just emotionally unstable right now..."
Maki ushered everyone towards the exit when the gingerhead did not respond.
"I'm sorry... This is all my fault..." Honoka apologized in a feeble tone.
Umi heard and wanted to deny and tell Honoka not to try and blame herself for everything, but she was closer to the exit and was already part way out as Maki got everyone to leave Honoka to rest.
Outside, it was decided that Honoka will be on medication to recover from the blood clot and will be discharged after more mandatory check-ups.
Author Notes
Wow...You would not believe the number of times I kept falling into the fluff road before having to change to more sad and angst kind of writing.. Heh heh... ^V^' -sweatdrops-
Also...
I wrote this chapter with my phone because I no longer have a laptop... T.T I'm emo-ing from the lack of music and anime and anime pictures... Why are laptops so expensive..?
Anyways! How did you find this chapter~? :'D
This chapter was to cover Honoka's condition and how her family and friends interact with her from there... O^O -sniffles-
Leave me a comment, a review~ Let me know what y'all think! X'D
Until next time, See you~