Ch5 – Three Childhood Friends
Author Notes
I'm back! :)
Here's a platter of not too much pain.
The hot water covering Honoka up to her chest was a nice change in temperature than the shivering cold she felt minutes ago; drenched in freezing rain while the wind still continues blowing mercilessly was not a pleasant experience.
At least now she felt slightly warmer and have calmed down from her earlier ugly mess; crying, shaking uncontrollably and being as good as helpless for the girl sitting opposite of her right now in the bathtub, her childhood friend she wishes she remembers.
Honoka lowers her head though her gaze doesn't peel away from the listless ash-brunette in front of her.
Kotori…chan… Is she okay..?
Blue eyes filled with sadness and self-doubt continued to study the thin and exhausted frame of Minami Kotori, the owner wondering why she can't seem to do anything right.
Why can't I just remember her? Remember my family. And my friends… And everything… Then no one will be sad anymore…
The sound of water moving made the self-criticizing gingerhead break away from her spiralling in pessimistic thoughts and she raises her head to see the ash-brunette scooping and pouring water over her slightly red shoulders.
Kotori-chan must be feeling cold…
The gingerhead dips her shoulders into the hot water to warm her sure to be red from cold shoulders, the warmth that engulfed her made her lips pull upwards a bit.
Warm… This…Ugh-
The calming sensation of warmth was soon cut off by a splitting headache that attacked Honoka from the back of her head and she winces, gnashing her teeth together to stop from groaning out loud her pain.
Argh… W-Why..? What..? Uughh…
Honoka's hands were holding her throbbing head, hard and shaking, wanting to override the pain that was shooting through her whole head, as though her brain wanted to explode or tell her something…but she just can't get a clear grasp of information of anything.
Steam..? Arrrggg…
Broken, blurred, unclear images of a scene of just one of the many lost memories were attempting to resurface in Honoka's mind, but all she could make out was steam and…
Smiles..? –
"Ahhhh!"Honoka lets out a loud shout and her sudden jerking of the water makes Kotori's eyes widen in shock and worry.
"Honoka-chan?!"
Honoka couldn't hear her. The pain in her head just made her want to-
Stop! Stop! Stop! Why won't this pain go away!?
"Arghhh!"
Who are you? Who are they? Why can't I remember? I want to remember. But it's so painful…
Two other girls, one with long hair, one with short, slightly above shoulders hair, they were smiling, Honoka probably is too. But all she could make out were distorted silhouettes and all that steam…Were they in a hot spring? And-
Tears were rolling down Honoka's eyes already, and she refused to let go of her head even as her panicking childhood friend was trying to pry those hands away from the ginger's head.
"Honoka-chan! Stop! Stop hurting yourself. I-It's okay if you don't remember-"
"Argh!" Honoka lunges herself at the wall all of a sudden but thankfully Kotori managed to put a hand in between the wall and her best friend's head before impact.
Kotori gasps at the strength of Honoka's thrust, but the short-term pain on her palm was nothing compared to the ache in her chest at the sight of her best friend crying, in pain, and she can't seem to do anything to help. Kotori moves to pull her best friend in a protective hug, holding firmly so that the gingerhead can't attempt to harm herself again.
"Don't… Don't hurt yourself…"
"Who..? Why can't I remember..?" The gingerhead murmurs.
Honoka shook in Kotori's hold; she wasn't registering all that was happening outside of the incomplete scenes in her head and the pain moving from her head to the tip of her fingers and toes. She wants to at least remember something, but she couldn't tell who she was bathing happily with even though it seemed so close…but still out of grasp.
Hurried footsteps and the door opening haphazardly reveals the bluenette, eyes wide in worry, panting from uneven breathing. "K-Kotori. What happened?"
Kotori shakes her head while Umi took long and hurried strides in to kneel beside her two childhood friends, taking in the scene, her chest tightened at the sight of Honoka – fragile to touch, with dried and fresh tears coming out of the gingerhead's puffy eyes.
"I…I think she was trying to remember something…" The ash-brunette managed to say despite how parched her throat is, and she wishes she could be saying something of good news instead of a hopeless truth.
"…" Umi frowns as she runs a hand down the gingerhead's wet hair, slowly and gently, wanting to make sure that her best friend has calmed down. "Let's get her out of the water."
Kotori nods weakly, allowing the bluenette to help Honoka up instead before she gets up too.
The amnesiac gingerhead has Umi's blanket wrapped around her, covering her head and face from her supposed childhood friends. After she finally calmed down, stopped hyperventilating and holding onto the gripping pain while reaching for a memory that refused to fully show itself, Honoka realized she was being difficult for the people around her…for the people who cared for her.
So Honoka was now embarrassed and kicking herself for not being able to do what she can to let her friends smile as she wanted to; this feeling that was in her since she woke up and couldn't remember anything. This feeling she believes is the one thing that makes her feel like her, even though she isn't sure who Kousaka Honoka really is.
… Umi-chan… And Kotori-chan… They looked so worried… And sad… and…afraid maybe? Ah…It's all my fault…
The gingerhead hugs the blanket tightly around her, while her arms hugged herself tightly too, she didn't want to show her not okay and possibly flushed red in embarrassment face to the two girls in the room right now, they'll probably worry more.
"Honoka…" A voice filled with worry asks for the gingerhead's attention for the fifth time now.
Umi-chan…
"Are you feeling cold? Do you want to put on socks?" Umi throws out speculations and suggestions for her hiding childhood friend to consider, but Honoka just pulls the blanket closer to her and makes an undecipherable sound which makes Umi frown in concern on the outside.
I'm not cold…I…I don't want any of you to see me right now…
"Isn't it because Honoka-chan is afraid of us?" A soft voice filled with nothing but sadness questioned.
"Kotori." Umi chided albeit a soft tone too; it's not like the thought didn't cross the bluenette's mind, as much as she rather not believe it.
"I'm sorry…" Kotori apologizes for yet again sounding her insecurities. She knows she should be more positive – for Honoka, for her friends, for herself.
Afraid..? Am I afraid of them? No, I…
"I'm not afraid of you!" Honoka bursts out of her blanket cocoon, at least her pouting head did, so as to sound her stand in the short conversation between her two supposed childhood friends.
I just don't know how I should behave around all of you…
A pause of silence got the gingerhead worried she stepped out of line and have angered or scared her two friends, but was soon proved wrong when Umi and Kotori began shaking with a smile, soft chuckles vibrating out of them as they were holding themselves back. And broke into a full-blown laughing fit when Honoka pouted harder and tilted her head to the side confused and upset at their reaction she doesn't quite understand.
"W-Why are you laughing?"
Did I say something wrong? Did I say something funny? Ehh?
Honoka's shaky, on the verge of crying tone made the usually rigid archer arc her back and put a hand over her mouth to not laugh too loudly, while the recently downcast and full of negativity ash-brunette look right at her best friend, eyes not shying away as she gave a lopsided smile to the gingerhead.
"Honoka-chan is just too cute." Kotori commented as she slowed to a stop from her unexpected laughing fit.
"You look like a sulking tomato…" Umi wipes a tear at the corner of her eye that formed from all the laughing, shaking her head teasingly at Honoka who looked affronted.
"T-Tomato..?" Honoka's eyes widened in shock from what she just heard and the embarrassment crashed into her like a tidal wave. That was enough to make her curl back into Umi's blanket also known as the Honoka Cocoon now so that she can hide her tomato red face from the outside world.
Tomato…They called me a tomato…
"Honoka!" Umi didn't hold back from tugging at the blanket this time – intent to remove it from the surprisingly shy gingerhead, though Honoka held on strong. "You don't have to be…so embarrassed?"
Is this supposed to be a good thing?
Honoka pouted from within the space of the blanket; which wasn't much as she held it tight, fabric to skin.
Umi looked to Kotori for assistance so the costume designer stepped closer too. "Mmph, Honoka-chan is cute when you're shy and blushing like that."
Cute… She just said I'm cute. I'm not…
Honoka curls further into herself, resisting her childhood friend's attempt to get her out of the covers.
"Kotori. That did not help." Umi chides, though Honoka could not see the bluenette's agreeing smile.
"Sorry?" Kotori helped tugged at the blanket too. "Ah, my jaw hurts a little…I haven't laughed this much in a while…"
Laugh… Kotori-chan and Umi-chan were laughing…
"True. Honoka, get out of the covers. You're always silly like that so it's nothing new to us already."
I'm always silly?
Umi did not expect Honoka to loosen her grip and stumbled backwards with the blanket in hand thanks to the strength she put in at her last tug. Kotori was luckier in a sense as she wasn't holding onto the blanket then.
"Honoka!" Umi scolded from the floor while Honoka panics from the bed and to her friend's side.
"I-I'm sorry! Are you o-okay? You're n-not injured right?" The gingerhead kneels with both hands to the floor and checking if the bluenette might be hurt anywhere, concern and guilt all over her face.
I hope Umi-chan is alright! I-If she isn't…what do I do?!
"Eh?" Honoka blinks as Umi places a hand atop her head. "Umi…chan?"
The bluenette's lips curve upwards while gazing gently into her best friend's blue eyes that were still filled with worry. "I'm alright…Honoka."
Umi-chan is alright…
Honoka lowers her head as she lets out a breath of relief. "I'm glad." Honoka raises her head a moment later with an expression that reflected how happy she is to know that Umi wasn't injured in any way; Umi and Kotori who were both looking could not help but smile and felt like their old Honoka was back.
Ah, I might be too close to Umi-chan right now…
The moment didn't last long enough for the bluenette or the ash-brunette's liking as Honoka's genuinely relieved smile turned into one of uncertainty and the way the gingerhead shifted away from Umi a little was enough to make Umi and Kotori's smile fade.
Umi holds back a sigh and musters a smile. "I'll be right back." The bluenette stands and makes her way to a corner shelf in her room, making eye contact with the ash-brunette; signalling for the girl to take more steps to being close to their amnesiac best friend.
Kotori wore an apprehensive expression but gave a nod in response to Umi before looking back to the gingerhead who felt distant even though they were in the same room. Honoka turns to Kotori and their eyes met.
Kotori-chan… I should apologize about before.
The ash-brunette takes a deep breath while crumpling the pants she was wearing, nervously glanced from the floor to Honoka before finally gathering enough courage within to apologize. "Honoka-chan-"
"Kotori-chan- Ah. I'm sorry for interrupting." Honoka lowers her head apologetically while Kotori shook her head quickly.
"I'm the one who should be apologizing!" The ash-brunette inches closer to her best friend but stops short, not sure what she wanted to do next – hug Honoka? That might scare the girl.
Apologize? But Kotori-chan didn't do anything wrong.
"You have nothing to apologize for." Honoka states in a serious tone which makes Kotori pause in her thoughts before shaking her head again.
"No… I do… I'm sorry for being unreasonable…" The ash-brunette bit the bottom of her lip as she thought back to a mess of a memory in the cold and harsh rain. She beat herself up in her mind a million times in the bath earlier but that could never be enough to forgive the way she made her best friend try so hard for her.
I don't think you're being unreasonable…
"Even so-"
"And for pushing you on the floor… Or hitting you-"
"It didn't hurt! It didn't…" The gingerhead cut in as she didn't want her friend who looks really remorseful already to think that she took anything from earlier too badly, in the physical sense.
It didn't hurt as much as it hurt my heart that you were so upset. And I was so incapable of doing anything to help…
Honoka furrows her eyebrows, a tiny frown on her lips and hands clenched at the thought of how useless she was.
The ash-brunette shook her head again; she felt that she needs to apologize more. She hasn't been doing anything right ever since she found out Honoka does not remember her and she wanted to change that. "I'm sorry for making you lie. And for running away all this time!"
The last confession was said in a hurry and with force as Kotori noticed that Honoka wanted to stop her from apologizing again, and she really hated the her who kept running away. The ash-brunette's hand reached out somewhere in between the space of her and Honoka as she wasn't sure if she had the rights to take the gingerhead's hand into hers.
It wasn't entirely a lie… If we did any of what I said…I might be able to remember something…
"I'm sorry for making you run away from me…" Honoka again takes it upon herself the responsibility for her friends and families sadness.
I should do better…
Kotori shakes her head profusely. "Mm-mm. It's my own fault. I couldn't accept that you didn't remember me. But you're still Honoka-chan regardless. And I-"
"No, it's my fault. If I didn't lose my memories-"
Honoka shakes her head too and stares into Kotori's eyes – both equally stubborn about taking blame and responsibility for the hurt caused and felt between the two friends.
"It's my fault-"
"Mine-"
"Ah-" Honoka's and Kotori's back and forth was interrupted by the bluenette knocking a hand each to her childhood friend's head; lightly so as to not hurt anyone, but enough pressure to get the two's attention on her.
Umi-chan?
Umi closes her eyes and sighs with finality. "Honoka. You are to blame. And Kotori too. You both have a responsibility for what has been happening thus far. Even me. So…"
Umi opens her eyes to study each of her childhood friend's reaction – Honoka was quiet, attentive and a hint of desire to oppose Umi's statement, and Kotori still had that expression of guilt and self-criticality. Umi smiles at the two.
"Let's make up."
"Eh?" Honoka's mouth was left hanging a little as she was confused by the bluenette's simple three words.
"Make up…" Kotori mumbles the words, sadness apparent in her voice and eyes.
Make up… That's what…friends do when they fight…right?
Honoka blinked and a feeling determination seemed to sparked inside of her. She looks to Kotori and Umi; and when she saw the bluenette's gentle smile and amber eyes – Honoka makes a decision to make up with her childhood friends.
I can do this.
The gingerhead reaches out and places a hand each on Umi's and Kotori's; Kotori flinched a little, but that won't stop Honoka now. "Umi-chan… Kotori-chan…"
"Yeah?" Umi prompts patiently.
"..Mm?" Kotori sounds a respond meekly, worriedly.
I want to make up with the both of you.
"I want to make the two of you smile… How can I do that?" Honoka asks in a clear voice. A voice that made Umi feel the warmth radiating from their connected hands, spreading to within her; and Kotori moves her free hand to put it above Honoka's.
Umi-chan… Kotori-chan…
"Aren't I already smiling?" Umi smiles a lopsided, happy smile.
"More… I want to make you smile more." Honoka kept a determined pout; Umi is relieved to see that.
Not just today. Not just right now…
"Honoka-chan…" Kotori calls the name of her best friend earnestly and when Honoka looks at her, she smiles too. "Just…be yourself. Honoka-chan is Honoka-chan. I…I'll do what I can to help you remember me… Us…"
Be me… Remember us…
Golden eyes that finally stopped staring at the ground or be shrouded by tears locked gazes with blue eyes that wavered with slight uncertainty.
What if I don't act like Honoka? What if I don't regain my memories?
Kotori turns the hand below Honoka's to intertwine their fingers tightly, Umi doing the same to transfer confidence into their hesitating friend.
"Honoka." Umi continues after the gingerhead looks over. "You're not alone in this."
Not alone…
"We'll get through this together…" Kotori nods and gives her best friend's hand an encouraging squeeze, for the both of them, Kotori knows she needs it.
Together…
Honoka swallows and returns the squeeze in each of her childhood friend's hands. "I don't know why but… I feel like I want to hug the both of you…"
Umi and Kotori's eyes widened at that.
"But… That would be embarrassing and…I might cause you two troubles, like, maybe, you won't like that? I don't know…" Honoka's hesitations made the bluenette and ash-brunette shuffle closer to the gingerhead on their own and wrap an arm each around their best friend's back that stiffened from surprise.
E-E-Ehh?! Umi-chan? Kotori-chan?
"You always cause trouble, Honoka." Umi says in a joking and loving tone.
I always cause Umi-chan trouble?!
"I like it when you hug me, Honoka-chan…" Kotori blushes at that admission, she never really verbally expressed that she loves her best friend's habit of hugging her.
"Do I…hug people a lot?" Pink dusted Honoka's cheeks at the idea of being so close physically to others often.
The synchronized nodding of heads by her childhood friends answered her question though.
"Do y'all…dislike it? Or others…disliked it?" The gingerhead was worried that she'll find out that something she used to do was something many didn't want and she didn't notice then.
I got to apologize to anyone who didn't like that… It must be weird and scary to get hugged suddenly…
Contrary to her plans of apologizing, Umi assures the worrywart gingerhead. "I never disliked your hugs, Honoka. I'm sure no one did."
"Kotori thinks so too." The ash-brunette chipped into helping Honoka not overthink things.
"Is that…so…" The edges of Honoka's lips twitched upwards. "I'm glad…"
The three childhood friends basked in a silent and warm, nostalgic yet different atmosphere for some time before the gingerhead broke the silence.
"Um…"
I feel like I just made my first two friends…
Honoka smiles at that thought.
"What did you went to take earlier, Umi-chan?"
Honoka and Kotori's curiosity was piqued as the bluenette's reaction to the gingerhead's question was to blush and look to the side, avoiding eye contact.
Umi-chan blushing is kinda cute.
"Umi-chan?" Kotori prompts and somewhat reluctantly removes her hands from her best friend's as she saw Umi remove her hand from Honoka's.
Aw…I liked the feeling of Umi-chan and Kotori-chan's hand with mine… I wonder if that's weird to think…
"Mm…" The bluenette grunts her embarrassment to whatever she took out.
Umi wanted to help Honoka regain her memories in whatever way she can. And so she thought something memorable and very important to her could help as it was a shared memory with Honoka and Kotori. The only issue is that it was an extraordinary memory and memorial item.
Umi didn't want to ever admit it or show it to either of her childhood friends if she had a choice. However, since her priority this time is to take any chances in helping Honoka regain her memory, she would put the embarrassment aside and take out a small cloth-wrapped box to show her two childhood friends.
"What is it?" Honoka asks in a whisper; Umi notes how the gingerhead still treat this sort of 'secret reveals' like opening a treasure box despite not having memories of all the time they played pretend together.
Is it gold? A ring? Though why would Umi-chan be blushing over it?
The bluenette unwraps the cloth and opens the box – inside revealed a used band-aid.
"A…band-aid?" Honoka cocks her head to the side, staring intently at the content of the box though not comprehending it.
Why did Umi-chan want to show us a band-aid? Did I hurt my head earlier?
"Yes… This was the… This is a very special and precious band-aid to me… It holds a memory for the three of us after all." Umi smiles at the past.
"Special memory…" Honoka mumbles and leans subconsciously closer to the box in Umi's hand.
"This was the band-aid you put on me back when we first met…" Umi explains while Honoka nods.
When we first met…
"You might think it weird that I keep a used band-aid, but… To me, it was a day of many firsts for me." Umi chuckles softly. "I made my first friend because you befriended me, Honoka. Along with Kotori."
Honoka blinks, taking in whatever the bluenette is telling her. Kotori smiles at the fond memory in the park when they were four.
"It was my first time playing with friends. And then it was the first time I ever scraped my knee from falling because we were playing tag… You ran really fast back then, Honoka." Umi holds back a comment about her childhood friend's present state of fitness; which was lacking when compared to the diligent archer.
First friends…
"And so, it was the first time I had a friend put a band-aid on for me… It was the first time I felt that…I can count on a friend… I can count on you, Honoka…then and the future, and right now." Umi completes her story with a happy sigh.
Umi-chan counts on me… Counts on Honoka… Ah…Why don't I have a single memory of what Umi-chan just shared? …
Honoka's eyes clouded over in an attempt to force a memory back but Umi closing the box audibly broke Honoka out of her attempt, before the pain attacked her again.
"Thank you, Umi-chan…" Honoka smiles forlornly.
For holding me dear to you… Even though I don't remember…
"I think I do have a weird habit of carrying band-aids around though… My pocket earlier probably has some…" Honoka comments thoughtfully.
I wonder why I carry band-aids around…
"I helped you take it out before putting it in the wash, don't worry." Umi assures even though the gingerhead wasn't thinking of that.
Kotori was smiling throughout the unexpected and heart-warming sharing from her usually cool childhood friend. Carried away by the nostalgia and fresh memories of the past made Kotori feel like everything was okay and forget momentarily that Honoka doesn't remember anything.
"Hono-" The ash-brunette's words remained in her throat and on her tongue as she took in the sight of Honoka; an expression of seriousness and staring intently at the box which held the memory-filled band-aid. Kotori remembers then that Honoka doesn't remember, and a Honoka who doesn't remember won't think of teasing the easily flustered bluentte together with her.
Kotori lowers her gaze, her smile mimicking Honoka's forlornness; wondering when things can go back to normal, wondering if she'll be able to be fully positive for Honoka.
Author Notes
…
I don't think this story is going to be super angsty and sad as we progress. :3 I mean, things are supposed to get better. :P
If anything, lesser on the Kotori angst (hopefully).
But- *sighs* Honoka grasping for blurred memories and hurting, makes me feel so in pain. :P
Well. :) Leave me comments and your thoughts on how this chapter was! :D
And I'll see you next chapter~