Chapter 12

*C POV*

I've been visiting Ana from time to time during these last couple of weeks that she's been in the hospital. She's an absolute mess and she's lost so much weight. I'm on my way to her apartment now to check up on her.

I arrive at her apartment, and knock on her door but there's no answer. I try the handle and it's unlocked; I step in looking around and I hear a soft whimper and sniffle. She's curled up on her couch clutching some pictures frame, and I can see from her bloodshot eyes that she's been crying.

"Ana... Ana wake up" I try to shake her shoulder but all I can get for response is a little whimper. I lift her in my arms bridal style and carry her to her bedroom.

I gently lay her down, and head to her bathroom to grab a wet washcloth. I return to the bedroom and wipe Ana's face with the washcloth, kneeling down beside her bed. I watch her as she sleeps, even in her resting state you can see the pain. I trace her cheek with my fingertips and she slightly leans in my touch.

"please Ana, be strong. Your parents are here; your friends are here…I'm here. Brian wouldn't be happy with how your acting; he'd want you to live your life" I can feel my eyes get watery. I lean in and softly kiss the crown of her hair.

"why you had to leave me this way brian….i miss you so much" ana whimper in her sleep.

I get up from her bedside and head into the living room. Her apartment is a mess; I have no idea how to clean it but I'll try my best. After two and a half hours, the living room is clean along with her kitchen and I put her dirty clothes in the washing machine.

It's already dinner time so I call Taylor and ask him to order us some dinner and some groceries. I hear some movement and I know Ana is awake from her nap.

"Shit!" Ana yells startled by me. She takes a breath, calming herself down before speaking again.

"Hey. Umm... what are you doing here Christian?" She looks confused

"I came to see you and your door was unlocked I thought something might have happened to you. Sorry for just barging in" I say

"Oh. It's ok. What time is it?" She looks around her living room as I fish out my blackberry to check the screen.

"it's after 9. I ordered some dinner for us" I tell her.

"Why don't you go have a shower before dinner gets here" I suggest and grab her hand leading her to her bathroom. She just nods her head and walks inside the room, closing the door behind her.

She emerges from her room 30 minutes later.

"Christian you know, you really didn't have to clean my living room or do my laundry, and order dinner. But thank you" Ana says as she sits on the bar stool at the island bench in her kitchen. I simply nod my head and place a plate of her food in front of her.

We eat in silence, but Ana is just picking around her food.

"Ana, you really should eat" I say startling her

"I'm not hungry" she puts down her fork

"Ana you've lost so much weight these past few weeks" I say sternly

"Christian I don't really have an appetite right now" Ana say annoyed

"Anastasia you need to eat" I use my dominant voice .

"For Christ's sake I am not a goddamned child, and I am not your submissive!" she yells at me. I'm shock to hear her words and my palm begins to twitch.

"Goddammit Ana look at yourself! Do you think Brian would be happy if he could see you right now" I yell back; I know it's a low blow to use Brian, but that's the only way I know.

"BRIAN'S NOT HERE ANYMORE! HE WILL NEVER SEE WHAT I'M DOING, HE'S NEVER GOING TO SEE IT ANYTHING I DO EVER! " ANA finally breaks down, sinking to her knees, I drop in front of her and gather her in my arms, gently rocking her and letting her cry.

"it's going to be okay Ana. We're here for you, just let it out" I rub her back while she sobs into my chest. It pains me to see her like this.

"Why did he have to leave me this way Christian? It hurts so much. I miss him so much! I need him, I can't live anymore!" Ana cries even harder and I just keep holding her and now I have tears of my own.

"Ana, you have to move on at some point. I know Brian would want you to be happy again, and move forward without him, do think he'd be happy now seeing you like this?" I question, my voice cracking at the thought of my departed friend.

"I know he would not be happy Christian. But I don't know how or what to do, all I know is that I need him. I need to feel him again, to hear his voice" Ana says looking at me, her eyes now red from crying.

I just hold her as we kneel on the floor, until I feel her go limp in my arms and I know she's fallen asleep, probably exhausted from crying. I gently lift her and bring her back to the bed and after I tuck her in, I leave the bedroom quietly once more.

I plop down on her couch, resting my elbows on my thighs, letting out a long held sigh 'if I could take your pain away Ana, I would do so without hesitation. I just want to see that smile again on you face'. I didn't realize that I was now crying myself.

When I'm finally able to compose myself, I stand up and clear our plates and put them into the dishwasher. I creep back into Ana's room and check on her, she's still sound asleep. I watch her for a few minutes and then leave her apartment.

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