Jungle Out There

Deborvak had a book open on his lap but wasn't reading. Instead, he stared intently at Tootie, who was struggling through her homework. His keen purple eyes distracted her and he hadn't said anything, only looked at her. She couldn't fathom his moods sometimes. He sat on her bed with his legs folded and his back against the pillows. The book appeared to be very old, but she didn't know because he wouldn't show it to her. He said it was higher magic than she was ready to deal with. That didn't explain why he was staring at her and not letting her do her homework.

"Uh, Deborvak?" she said. "I have this thing called homework I need to get done."

"I know," he said and smirked. "You're doin' very well at not gettin' it done, too."

"You're staring at me. You're ruining my concentration," she complained.

"Am I? I had no idea," he said. "I was wonderin' why you haven't spoken to Timmy yet today when you're madly in love with him."

"I'm playing hard to get," she said. "I have homework to do. Could you please leave me alone until I finish it?"

"Yeah, I could," he said and his lips twitched. He went back to his book and, for a few minutes, there was peace. She finished a couple math problems and felt eyes upon her. She turned her head and Deborvak was staring at her again. He smirked at her.

"You said you'd leave me alone!"

"No. I said I could leave you alone. I never said I would."

"What if I wished you'd leave me alone?" she said.

"You'd have to be a lot less vague," he said and sighed dramatically. "You could wish me away forever and then you'd be denied my pleasurable company for the rest of time. An' we all know what a tragedy that'd be."

"All right, how about this? I wish you'd leave me alone until I finish all my homework."

"Until when?" he said, lips curling. "What if you decide you want to be a teacher later in life? Then I'd never come back, because you'd never be finished."

"I wish you'd leave me alone until I finish today's homework and don't you dare try to out talk your way out of this wish," she said.

He blew her a raspberry. "Cleverness is extra credit, Toot-Toot."

Then he vanished and she sighed. Bolting upright, she realized she hadn't specifically given him a location. Deborvak was tricky like that. With him, you had to be down to the detail, or he'd interpret it his own way and cause unforeseen complications. Ah well. Hopefully, he'd just gone outside to play with the birds.

Deborvak appeared beside Timmy's elbow. The twelve-year-old boy was attempting to do his homework, since he wanted to pass to the next grade. Cosmo, disgusted Timmy actually wanted to do homework, had taken Poof outside to pal around with. Wanda hovered over Timmy's shoulder and offered him help. Deborvak scooted out of her line of sight and clamped his magic down so no one would notice he was there until he announced himself.

Timmy was on the same math problems as Tootie. He began to write an answer and the temptation was too great.

"The answer to all the questions in the galaxy is 42," he said. Timmy wrote '42', and then paused, having filled in three questions already with that answer.

"Timmy, it's impossible for that equation to equal 42," Wanda said. She frowned and drifted over to Timmy's left side, where Deborvak had concealed himself as an eraser. Deb jumped to his right.

"It matches the next grade on Timmy's math test," Deb said. "42. How many IQ points he has. How many more seconds he'll spend on this. 42."

"Show yourself," Wanda snapped.

"42," he said. "That's a song by Coldplay."

"Deborvak," she snapped. "Show yourself now."

"42. Oh, you are no fun at all, Wanda," he said. He appeared in his normal form and shuddered, residual fear prompting him to put Timmy in between himself and the female faerie. She drifted closer and he jumped back.

"This might be why you're flunkin', Tim-Tim," Deborvak said. "You take advice from random faeries who are passing by."

"Go to Tootie," Wanda said.

"Can't," he said, shrugging. "She kicked me out. Something about...now, hang on, let's see..." He grinned impishly. He hadn't forgotten, not at all. "Not lettin' her do her homework. That was it."

"You're not letting Timmy do it either!" Wanda snapped. "Either stay here and make yourself useful or get out!"

"Are you kickin' me out?" he said and pouted. "Wanda, I thought we were friends."

"Why are you here, really?" Timmy said. Deborvak shrugged.

"I thought it'd be fun. I do things 'cuz I think they're fun," he said. Wanda eyed him and he shuddered. His hand flew to his wand without thinking and he had to force himself to calm down. They were good faeries. Not evil masquerading as good. Actually decent.

"Stay and help Timmy with his homework, or get out," Wanda repeated.

"Why would I want to do that? Doesn't sound like it'd be fun," he said and smirked. He was getting bored here. Plus, his happy mood was starting to dissipate. If he stayed much longer, tension would wear on him and he'd cease being amused. He still wasn't comfortable hanging around other faeries for prolonged periods of time.

"It's not supposed to be fun," Wanda said between clenched teeth. "It's homework."

"All right, all right," he said. "Don't get your panties in a bunch. I'll go bug Crocker."

He kissed Wanda on the cheek. "Be good, baby."

Then he disappeared. Wanda growled and touched her cheek.

Crocker was hard at work creating pop quizzes to torment children tomorrow. Deborvak watched him for a few moments. Here was a true tortured soul. Deborvak could sympathize with him. For a few moments, he deliberated not humiliating him and leaving him alone. Perhaps he'd help Timmy with homework and try to deal with Wanda. Perhaps...

Or maybe he'd just bug Crocker anyway.

"The answer to number thirteen is yes, faeries are real, and, no, we do not hold revels for humans to attend," he said, floating over Crocker's right shoulder. Crocker yelped, spinning around, and Deborvak smiled at him. He landed on the floor and watched the human intently. There was a butterfly net on the right wall further back, but Crocker wouldn't be able to grab it and secure him quickly enough.

"A faerie!" he exclaimed. "Why didn't my faerie detector go off?"

"I'm not entirely fey," he said and shrugged. "Common mistake, though. So, sup? Still a delusional loser who can't get laid?"

"What...a faerie who insults me?" Crocker said.

"It's not an insult if it's true, is it?" Deborvak said. "Yes, I'm a faerie, no I won't grant your wishes, and you actually triangulated the third problem wrong. The answer should be 3x+4y=-266, not -270."

"I'm gonna capture you, little faerie, and prove to the world I'm not insane!" he said and ran for his butterfly net. Deborvak stuck his leg out and Crocker tripped. Deborvak watched him dispassionately.

"You could do that, but a guy who lives at home with his mom with crayon drawings on his wall...not sure they're going to buy the whole 'not crazy' line."

"Why do you keep insulting me?" Crocker snapped and ducked, rolled, and grabbed his butterfly net.

"I'm bored," he said. "Tomorrow I'll dance in front of you naked and tell you my faerie bits are magical...especially the parts that grow bigger when you yank them."

It took Crocker a few seconds to realize what Deb was talking about and, by that time, Deborvak had already moved on.

He reappeared in Timmy's room. Wanda was talking to her godson in a low voice and she jerked her head at his arrival.

"Well?" she said. "Are you ready to behave?"

"Never," he said and grinned. "I'll never be ready. You're really no fun, Wanda. You need to lighten up."

"I'm the responsible one," she said. "And if I don't hold everything together, nothing will get done."

"Yeah, but that's a lot of pressure," he said. "Besides, shouldn't Timmy really be gettin' help from his parents, not from you?"

"My parents aren't home," Timmy said. "Again. Vicky's downstairs sleeping and told me not to bother her. Or else."

"Oh really?" he said and his grin turned devilish. "You don't say."

"Deborvak, don't you dare," Wanda said.

"You have no idea what I'd dare," he said. His eyes turned cold and for a few seconds, something dark swam in them. He knew because he could see the reflection in her eyes and she winced. Then he jumped back, vaguely uneasy he'd startled her. He hadn't meant...argh, forget it. He turned away from her.

"I'll leave you two alone, then," he said.

"You could go play with Cosmo and Poof," Wanda said.

Deborvak smiled, but the smile had no warmth behind it. "Did it ever occur to you just because I told you why I don't like other faeries didn't make it 'all better'? Or do things work different in your world?"

He scoffed and disappeared again. His good mood had vanished again.

Tootie had said 'all her homework', but never specified the subject. He felt guilty enough he'd unsettled Wanda. Cosmo was too much of an idiot to pick up those cues.

Hmm. Maybe he'd go bother Timmy later, when he was showering, and say it was because Tootie wished him there. He grinned. Yes, that brought his mood right back up. Timmy screaming as the water kept changing temperatures and he had to run out in disgrace...

Though Wanda might not like that. He hated how he cared at all what she thought. She was just a stupid lightsider, anyway. Brightest light he'd seen, though, but still, stupid.

He stretched. He still had Vicky left to bother. Was he in the mood for it? Hmm...yeah...nah. He wasn't really. Not anymore. He wasn't in the mood to play with Cosmo and Poof either. If it had been Poof alone, he'd have found it enjoyable because babies weren't threatening. They were cute and they didn't judge. Adults on the other hand...

He settled in a dog form and lay his head on his paws near Tootie's couch. He didn't understand the desire of someone to help purely for the sake of helping. He didn't understand how Cosmo and Wanda could be good, when all he'd known was evil masquerading. And they still scared him. He knew the types of faeries he knew probably wouldn't have had human children, but they might have. A shudder ran through his body.

He still hated other faeries. Cosmo and Wanda would have to prove themselves to him before he even considered spending more than five minutes annoying Timmy.