Author's Note: The nightmare. It was a doozy. *innocent look*

Mysterious Mysteries

Today was a good day to check in on his daughter. He hadn't had time in the last few months, plus, truth be told, he hadn't wanted to admit her existence. Wanda hadn't noticed him anymore than she had before and Tootie hadn't shown magical aptitude or good looks. There was no need to own up to her, since Fairy World hadn't publicly acknowledged her and she was a mistake…but he was still curious. And she might be coaxed into interacting more with Wanda and giving him a reason to linger.

He floated by her window and stared at her, playing with a Timmy doll and then tossing it into a box marked 'Goodwill'.

"Curious," he said.

"So are you," a harsh male voice snapped. Floating beside him was a faerie with tipped ears, dark purple eyes and hair, and a soft looking purple robe. His hair flowed to about mid-back and his face was rounder than a normal faerie. His gaze was also considerably more caustic.

"The curious case of Juandissimo Magnifico," the faerie snapped. "If you owned up to your 'mistakes', I wouldn't be here."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" he said. "I do not even know who you are."

Juandissimo flexed and his shirt ripped, disappeared, and reappeared. "You have me at a disadvantage, Mister…?"

"Tylae," he said. "Deborvak Tylae. I'm Tootie's faerie godfather, charged with teaching her magic and granting her wishes, something you obviously couldn't handle."

"Teaching her magic?" Juandissimo said. "I did not think it was customary for half breeds to learn magic."

"I didn't think it was customary for faerie fathers to abandon their offspring either," Deborvak snapped. "But here you are. Tell me- is her life enough of a show? Or do you only tune in when there's nothing else on?"

"I have other obligations," Juandissimo said and posed. He conjured a mirror to admire himself and it exploded. Startled, he stared at Deborvak, whose wand wasn't out. His eyes flashed.

"To thine own self be true," he spat. "You certainly aren't true to anyone else."

"What is that supposed to mean? I have responsibilities," he said. "A godson who really needs me."

"An' a daughter who barely knows you exist," he snapped. "But I see how it is. You only care when you look good. Who the hell cares how you treat one little girl if she's not part of an assignment?"

"I look in on her time and time again," Juandissimo demurred, growing defensive. Who was this faerie to attack him?

"I've been Tootie's godfather for almost a year," he snapped. "In that time, I have seen you, oh, let's see…zero times."

"I told you I was busy," he said.

"I see," Deborvak snarled. "Time enough to have her, not enough time to give a damn about her."

"Who are you to judge me?" Juandissimo said. "I have never seen you before in my life."

"Who am I?" Deborvak retaliated. "For one thing, I'm the one cleaning up the mess you made. For another thing, I'm a proud father of two and I would never dream of abandoning them just because I was too goddamn vain to admit I had what you think of as an 'ugly daughter."

"You know nothing!" Juandissimo snapped, color rushing to his face. "I do not need to waste my time talking to you."

"Or looking in on your daughter," Deborvak snapped, his tone growing dangerous, threatening. "They reserve a special place in hell for deadbeat fathers, you know."

"I don't have to stay here and be threatened," Juandissimo snapped and raised his wand. It exploded.

"I may not be allowed to kill you, because Jorgen would take offense," Deborvak said and then smiled. "But there are far worse fates than death."

"I should tell-"

The words died on his lips. His throat seized and he couldn't speak, could barely breathe. Pressure suffocated him and he gagged. His vision flickered.

"You will tell no one," he said. "You will not speak unless spoken to. I will leave you alone, since, as you said, you have…obligations. I'd sleep with one eye open, if I were you. My true master isn't one who knows the meaning of the word 'mercy'."

Waving his hand, he cast Juandissimo back into Remy's house with his wand intact. Juandissimo opened his mouth and nothing came out. Although the incident was firmly embedded in his mind, he couldn't articulate it. All he could see was Deborvak's dead stare and he shivered. No, it was ridiculous. The only faerie who ever threatened anyone was Big Daddy and Deborvak wasn't a Mafioso. That did beg the question…who was he?

"Hey, Toot-Toot," Deborvak said, popping into his goddaughter's room. "How's Goodwill hunting coming along?"

"Almost done," she said. "Can you believe it's been almost a year and a half since Timmy launched a water balloon at me?"

"I cannot," he said and grinned. "Since I wasn't there to witness it. Did you ever get him back?"

"No, but I think some of the stuff you've pulled might qualify," she said. "Where'd you go?"

"Oh, to take care of some errands," he said. "You know, beat around the bus and then scold it soundly."

She rolled her eyes. "Timmy's parents are having a picnic this Saturday. Are you coming? I know you don't…get along with Cosmo and Wanda."

"I'll consider it," he said. "Depends on whether my schedule's free."

Picking up the box, she headed toward the door. He opened it and they headed down, with him settling on her shoulder as a parakeet. He nipped her hair affectionately.

"Why wouldn't it be?" she snorted.

"Oh, you know," he said. "I have to have time for tail."

"In all the time I've known you, you've never shown me a single girlfriend," Tootie said. She walked carefully down the stairs. Vicky had flung her old torture implements into a box and was grinning evilly. Some of the tools were rusted and covered in what looked unpleasantly like old bloodstains. Tootie shuddered and Deborvak nipped her again to reassure her. She stroked his neck feathers and he chirped.

"That's because there's never 'just one'," he said.

"I can't get one guy and you have girls falling all over you?"

"What can I say? It's a gift," he said. Tootie joined her parents, who had their boxes lined up, in the kitchen. The Goodwill truck came around apparently once a year and everyone wanted to have their boxes in order. It was scheduled around noon and Tootie looked at the clock anxiously. The last time it had been late, Vicky had opted to use a flamethrower instead. She shuddered.

"You know," he murmured, "we could have another magic lesson, if you want."

"Are you going to give me another impossible assignment?" she said, groaning.

"Solve world hunger," he said. "You have five seconds. Go!"

"Don't be ridiculous," she scoffed.

"Who's being ridiculous?" he said. "I'm your faerie godfather, baby. I can do whatever I please."

"I bet you say that to all the girls," she murmured.

"Only to the pretty ones," he said. "And the ones who take off their clothes in mental wards."

"I'm not going to dignify that with a response," she said.

Hopping to the couch, she settled down and stared at the clock. Vicky sat beside her and Deb pecked at her fingers. Hissing, she reached to smack him and he batted her in the face with his wings. Vicky glared, evidently giving up for the moment. She nudged Doidle, asleep at her feet.

"See Tootie's stupid bird?" she snapped at Doidle. "Eat him."

"Polly want an idiot," Deb said and Vicky snarled.

"Cool it," Tootie muttered.

"Oh, I'm not afraid of her," he murmured. "She's just a big bully."

"You know, Tootie, I think you forgot to pack something," Vicky snapped, jumped to her feet, and grabbed the flamethrower. She aimed it in Deb's direction, Deb took flight, and suddenly, the flamethrower stopped working. Puzzled, Vicky turned it toward her…and it started working again, just in time to set her on fire. It shut off, singeing her and turning her hair to cinders. Vicky flung it aside and huffed, stomping off.

Pleased, Deborvak settled back on Tootie's shoulder like nothing had happened.

"Are you going to the picnic or not?" Tootie said, also acting like nothing had happened. Deborvak pulling a fast one on Vicky wasn't exactly rare.

"I dunno," he said and sighed. "That depends."

"On what?" he said.

"On my schedule."

"I thought you were joking," she said.

"In the amount of time you've known Juandissimo is your real father, how many times have you seen him?" he said.

She blinked, startled at the sudden subject change. Tugging on her ponytail, she glanced at the family portrait and then at him. Her parents were still in the kitchen.

"I'm not sure," she said. "Why?"

"No reason," he said. "Has he shown any inclination toward you?"

She shrugged. "I think he just wanted to get Wanda's attention. That was what she told me probably happened. He heard she was destined to be Timmy Turner's godmother and wanted to get close to her somehow, so he fathered me."

In his current form, it was impossible to tell emotions. "This doesn't concern you?"

"It does, but…" she frowned. "It's not like it'd be the first time I was chasing someone who didn't want me around."

"No, it wouldn't," he agreed. "And it wouldn't be the first time someone didn't own up to their responsibility, either."

"Why are you thinking about it now?" she said. Restless, she rocked back and forth on the couch. "Did you meet him? Did you talk to him?"

"No," he said. "I definitely did not meet your father."

"Oh…" she said and deflated. "I guess because I'm not hanging out with Timmy that often, he doesn't see a reason to be near me."

Deborvak was still and she glanced at him. He shrugged.

"I'm going to talk to Cosmo and Wanda," he said. "See if they want me hanging around their picnic on Saturday."

"Um, okay, sure," she said. "Don't be nervous, Deb. They're good faeries. They'd never hurt you."

He inclined his head and disappeared in a cloud of faerie dust. It was a weird conversation, but whatever was bothering him would usually clear itself up. He didn't normally remain down- he bounced back. She wasn't terribly concerned.

True to his word, he popped over to Timmy's room to see how the group fared. Cosmo had changed into a monkey and balanced on a large rubber ball. Wanda was trying to calm Poof down for a nap, but the infant faerie kept shifting and trying to hit her. Timmy, attempting to stay out of the way, had withdrawn to a corner of the room. Deborvak stared and considered the best way to approach the problem without causing more drama.

Shutting his eyes, he sent out positive, calming energy to Poof and reassured him nothing bad would happen. Then he changed into something non-threatening, a large teddy bear, and held out a bottle.

"It's okay, Poof-Poof," he said. "Nobody's gonna harm you. Your mom just wants you to drink your bottle and go down for a nap."

Poof blinked, confused, and raised an octopus arm, uncertain whether he wanted to smack Deb with it. Deb beamed calming energy and smiled.

"How can you hate on a bear?" he said. "C'mon, Poof."

Wanda groaned and wiped sweaty hair away from her forehead.

"I'm a bear," Deb continued. He sang an old lullaby from his village and Poof's eyelids fluttered. "You can't be mad at a giant teddy bear, can you, Poof-Poof?"

"Poof…" Poof protested and then fell asleep. Deb shifted into his normal form and caught Poof before he fell. Smiling, he cradled him and handed him off to Wanda. Cosmo shifted too and everyone heaved a sigh of relief.

"Sorry about the bottle," he said. "But you'll get him to eat later, I'm sure."

"How did you do that?" Wanda said.

"You put out positive energy to soothe the savage baby beast," he said and grinned. "They let me take care of kids in my village."

"Can you do that every day?" Cosmo said.

"'Fraid not," Deb said. "Wanda, we need to talk."

"Why not me?" Cosmo said.

"This matter primarily concerns Wanda, not you," Deborvak said. "It has to do with Juandissimo."

"Great, more faerie drama," Timmy said, rolling his eyes. "If you need me, I'll be playing video games."

He scooted away from the corner and up to the TV. Glancing at them once, he switched the TV on, then his video game system, and launched into a Crash Nebula game. Deb looked at him briefly and then at Cosmo and Wanda.

"Shall we?" he said.

"We'll only be a minute, sweetie," Wanda said.

Cosmo looked about to protest, until something on the video game drew his eye. Grabbing the second controller, he zoomed next to Timmy and joined in. In a few seconds, it was like Deb and Wanda had vanished. Frowning, Wanda brought them into the castle, dropped Poof off in the nursery, and plopped them inside a small sitting area with a large flat screen TV and a pink and green couch.

"What about Juandissimo?" she said, groaning.

"You were aware Tootie is part of a vast plot to gain your attention and he sees her as nothing but a tool?" he said.

She blinked. "Wow, you don't mince words."

She patted the couch and he jumped, standing behind it instead.

"You don't have to be scared, you know," she said in a placating voice. "You did a great job with Poof."

"I don't want to talk about that," he said. "You've allowed this to go on?"

"I can't do anything about it," she said, grimacing. "He's been chasing me for millennia. Having a child with a human is against Da Rules and almost impossible, magically, but…"

"But it's been done," he completed. "If he's her father, he should act like her father."

"Sometimes that's where we have to come in," she said. "We have to pick up the slack when parents are too busy or…otherwise engaged."

"I understand that part," he said. "What I don't understand is why everyone cuts him slack. He's her father, damn it. He doesn't deserve kudos for abandoning his offspring."

"And no one is giving it to him," she said softly. "Our responsibility is to our godchildren."

"So you let him off the hook."

"I didn't say that."

He paced. "You don't think he should be punished."

"Punished?" she repeated. "I agree what he did was reprehensible, but it's not up to us. It's up to Jorgen. Our job is to take care of our godchildren, not to take sides."

"That's for human parents," he said. "Not supernatural ones. A faerie can do anything he pleases, unlike a human. He's neglecting his duties as a father by treating her like a tool at best, a mistake at worst."

"Is Tootie upset?" she said.

"No," he said. He breathed in sharply. "She thinks he's going to miraculously show an interest. I know the look. I know the feeling. I wanted to see how you felt about it, since you're the holier than thou closest thing to lightsider I know."

He spun and faced her. "Especially since he was your paramour."

"I wouldn't call him that," she said. "We dated over ten thousand years ago."

"He had a child to get your attention," he said. "He took advantage of an adult woman and now he's taking advantage of a child. A child, Wanda."

"I know," she said. "But there's nothing I can do."

"You can talk to him," he said. "He obviously values your opinion."

He eyed her. "Unless it's not your opinion he values so highly."

She growled and his gaze turned blank, dead. "If you don't talk some sense into him, I will show him exactly what I've been taught."

He smiled. "And then I wash my hands of him."

Deb's words plagued her for the rest of the day. She hadn't given much thought to Tootie, although she pitied her. Clearly, Deborvak's priorities were different. In time, godparents grew to love and care about their godchildren. She sensed this went deeper, perhaps to something personal, but that didn't mean he didn't have a point. Once she had learned Juandissimo had fathered the child to get her attention, she should have interceded and impressed upon him the necessity of owing up to his responsibility. She had spoken to him once, but it clearly wasn't enough.

Cosmo and Timmy were occupied with the video game and she placed Poof on the bed. He'd wake in time and join his brother. Telling her oblivious family where she was going, she waved her wand and reappeared on Remy Buxaplenty's property. The rich boy was swimming laps with Juandissimo sunning himself on a nearby chair. There was no one present except for Remy and Juan. The latter jumped into midair once he saw her.

"Wandita!" he exclaimed. "You have never visited me before- I am honored."

"You shouldn't be," she said. "I need to talk to you."

He purred. "I am all yours, senora."

Yanking him by the ponytail, she drew him out of Remy's hearing range. "Tootie's godfather seems to think you're neglecting your duty as Tootie's father."

"Wandita, I am busy," he said.

"I see that," she snapped. "Very busy getting a tan."

"She has human parents, a faerie godfather of her own," he said and shrugged. "She does not need me."

"As the magical link to her past, she needs you to help find herself," she said. "Deborvak isn't enough."

"Will you be there?" he said and grinned. "I will come if you will."

"I have a godson," she snapped. "And, unlike you, a child I admit to."

"Mi amor, if we had a child, I would not deny it," he said. She slapped him.

"Do something about Tootie," she said. "You know what I'm like when I'm angry."

In a quiet tone, shaking slightly, he said, "I know what Deborvak is like too."

Later that night, Tootie was reading for pleasure and Deborvak was buried in another magical tome bigger than he was. He was bent over double, tracing the words, and his hair flopped over his face. In that state, he was oblivious and throwing things at him sent them flying across the room. He was also levitating, something he didn't do naturally, unlike normal faeries.

She looked up when Wanda appeared.

"What are you doing here?" she said.

"I'm here to talk to your godfather," she said. She looked at Deb, who hadn't noticed her appearance.

"He won't hear you unless you use his full name," she said. "He's in a trance."

"What's his full name?" Wanda asked.

"Deborvakovik," she said and Deb jerked. He looked up, marked his place in the book, and banished the shield.

"Wanda," he said and smirked. "What a surprise. What brings you to my humble abode?"

"I impressed upon a certain someone the magnitude of the situation," she said. "Hopefully, he'll get the hint."

"If not, there's always torture," he said lightly. Tootie stared.

"You're joking, right?" she said.

His gaze met Wanda's. "Non-violent maneuvers?"

"So far," she said. "You could let this go, Deborvak. You can't do much about it."

"Oh, I can do a lot," he said darkly. "It's a matter of how many pieces he wants his godfather in."

"I think we'll try something else first before we resort to that," she said.

"As you wish," he said and inclined his head. "We'll do things your way for a week. If the situation should not improve…"

He smiled humorlessly. "Hell hath no fury like a dragon scorned."

…

Juandissimo awoke, covered in sweat and panting from a nightmare. The images burned behind his eyelids when he tried shutting his eyes and he shuddered, straightening from a tiny ball. Remy was fast asleep and his throat constricted, unable to scream, unable to speak. His worst fears had paraded before his eyes, every mistake he'd ever made and every wrongdoing back to ruin him.

Tomorrow, he'd go see Tootie. Before the nightmare, he hadn't considered it, but now, it seemed imperative.

He didn't know where the nightmare had come from and he didn't want to know. He was afraid of the answer.

Shaking, still rattled, he appeared in Tootie's bedroom early Saturday morning. Deborvak was perched in a birdcage. He appeared to be asleep and Juandissimo settled on Tootie's bed. It was strange for a faerie to have a child, let alone a human one, and he had a hard time coming to terms, even though he had originally done it to bring Wanda closer. Human children were never his personal concern, not like this, and it was easier to hand off responsibility than to own it. After all, the child already had two parents and a sister.

"Easier to run away?" Deborvak said harshly.

Juandissimo looked up. Tootie was sleeping…but Deborvak had been pretending.

"I am here," he snapped. "Was that not what you wanted?"

"I want an answer," he said. "I want to know why it's so goddamn easy for people like you to walk away from their offspring and not care what becomes of them. I want to know where it says you can help bring a child into this world and then decide you're done."

"She has parents," he said.

"So that makes it okay?" Deb retorted. "She has someone to take care of her, therefore, you're absolved? Is she that much of a drag, Juandissimo? Does she cramp your style?"

"She has you," he said.

"She didn't have me before," he snapped. "And she wants you. Every child wants their parents, not a cheap imitation. You make me sick."

"She does not need me."

"I've heard it before," he said and his tone cut through Juandissimo like a knife. "I've heard all the excuses. Where I come from, a parent abandoning their children is almost a rite of passage. So either you man up and get in her life or you stay the hell away from her. You don't do anything in half measures, because if I see you slinking around here again and getting her hopes up, I'll be sending you back to your godson in a body bag."

"Is that a threat?" he hissed.

"I don't threaten," Deborvak said and smiled. "I promise. You won't be the first and you won't be the last."

"Deb?" Tootie called.

"You make your choice right now," he snapped. "Stay or go. Love her or leave her."

"Deb, what's going on?" she said and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. Juandissimo tensed and looked at Deborvak, who had shifted into his normal form. Except…the eyes were wrong. Rather than their normal purple, they were yellow, draconic.

"Tootie, I came to say good morning," Juandissimo said. Deborvak inclined his head.

"Juandissimo?" she said and opened her eyes fully. "It's you! It's really you!"

"Keep your voice down," Deborvak counseled and smiled. This time, the smile reached his eyes.

Beaming, she jumped on the bed and then frowned. "Wait, why are you here?"

"I have decided, after much thought," he said and looked at Deb and then out the window, Timmy Turner's house, "I should be more involved in your life."

"This isn't a trick to get Wanda back?" she said.

"No trick," he reassured her.

Tootie beamed again and Deborvak disappeared. Juandissimo relaxed. He wasn't certain how he felt about this, but between the threats, the nightmare, and guilt…maybe it was best, in the long run.

He allowed the child to hug him and shuddered.

"What is it?" Tootie asked.

"I do not want to get on Deborvak's bad side again…" he muttered.

"I thought I'd tell you he changed his mind," Deb said, popping into Timmy's room.

"Because of me?" Wanda said.

"No," he said. "But you can take the credit if you want. A little nightmare here and there can go a long way."

"How do you know it was a nightmare?" Wanda said, frowning.

"My dear…" he said and then grinned impishly. "I learn from the best."

"But…Jorgen doesn't teach nightmares…" Wanda protested.

"Exactly."