(A/N: So this is my first Diabolik Lovers fic! Also my first fic in a while! So I might be a little rusty, haha…I just wanted to clear up a few things before I get started. This fic is pretty self-indulgent, meaning that I kind of loaded it with a bunch of headcanons I have. So, if that's not the kind of fic you want to read, that's fine! Also, each chapter is two sections: The first is from when the boys were children (Subaru wasn't born yet at first), and the second is in the present. When you see a little divider in the middle, that's when it switches. Sorry if it's confusing! Thanks for reading!

Also, please don't read this if you have any triggers concerning the usual Diabolik Lovers stuff. Blood, knives, abuse, drowning, kidnapping, and some pretty rough sexual harassment will be featured in this story.)

Since this story is one that is largely based on memory, it would be best to start from the parts that nobody remembers.

All three of the Sakamaki triplets cried when they were small, just as most children cried - Kanato cried loudly and often, hyperaware of every inward and outward force that displeased him. Ayato cried sporadically and without warning, often without any reason either. Laito didn't cry much over things a child should cry about, like scraped knees or getting his hair pulled, but he did cry when he heard one of his brothers crying so they wouldn't cry alone. As a result he would exhaust himself (between Ayato and Kanato, there were a lot of tears) and cry himself to sleep.

Ayato was, by nature, one of those kids who had to stay close to his mother. He was touchy in general, without realizing it - he would grip onto his brothers' hair when he slept next to them and grab his mother's dress while he walked with her. Unfortunately for him, Cordelia hated the clinginess of children to begin with, and Ayato's tendency to touch her whenever given the opportunity resulted in her avoiding physical contact with him. In an effort to "fix" himself so he could be with his mother more often, Ayato forced himself to bury his hands in his pockets, but he was too restless for this effort at restraining himself to last for too long. Ayato still unconsciously puts his hands in his pockets when he thinks he's bothering someone.

The exception to Cordelia's reluctance to engage in physical contact with her children was in the presence of her husband, which was rarely and yet (it seemed to her children) to be far too often. During his visits, Cordelia wished to appear as motherly as possible to him, and she did so by returning Ayato's clinginess twofold. If the two of them were turning a corner and suddenly met with her husband, Ayato would feel her hand on the back of his head and suddenly get a face full of her dress. He would struggle against her hold on him, afraid he might suffocate, until she finally released him and settled for holding his hand (though Ayato's hand was too little to keep a good grip on, so she settled for his wrist instead).

It's common knowledge to the Sakamaki boys at present that their father has the power to change his appearance at will, but to young Ayato, the man in front of him was a stranger. A very tall, overly-friendly-looking stranger; so Ayato shyly hid behind his mother until he was yanked by the wrist and forced to present himself properly.

The stranger was all smiles, and after a chat with Cordelia that nearly bored Ayato to death (especially because his brothers were playing outside and he wanted to join them), he turned his attention to the redhead boy several feet below him. He spoke with alacrity, but only to his children. His wives didn't interest him as much as they did, because his wives weren't going anywhere.

"Good evening, Ayato," he greeted cheerfully. Most adults might lower themselves to eye level to speak with a child that age, or at least bow his head to allow the child to see their face, but this stranger seemed satisfied with his position up in the air. "Have you been keeping up with your studies?"

Ayato, who had occupied himself by poking at his sprouting fangs with his finger, jumped and flushed with embarrassment at being addressed so suddenly. "Hullo. I guess so, mister."

"What kind of books have you been reading?"

Ayato lifted his head a bit higher. He started to speak faster, because there was a lot he wanted to say and he feared he would forget it, and as a result, a childish slur became apparent in his voice. "Yesterday Laito - that's my brother, he's really nice to me - he was readin' to me an' Kanato - 'cause Kanato's not a good reader, but I'm okay - an' in the book there were these pictures of dragons an' it even said where they lived, it said they lived in Norway, an' I went to find Norway on the map, an' it's kinda far from Japan but I think I can make it-"

Cordelia squeezed Ayato's wrist so hard it made him wince. She often grabbed his wrist or shoulder in a mock-affectionate way when she wanted him to stop talking. "Why, darling," she said too sweetly. "Your father wants to know about what you're reading with your tutor, not those silly fantasy books."

Ayato looked up at her. "When my father asks, I'll tell 'im," he said simply.

What happened after that will be omitted, but it became (painfully) clear to Ayato that the stranger he spoke to was, indeed, his father, though it was still a mystery to him why his father looked different to him every time he saw him. After receiving the necessary punishment for being rude to him, Ayato went to his brothers for advice.

"You aren't crazy," Laito told him, watching Ayato rub the cheek Cordelia had slapped. "He does look different. I swear he gets taller every time I see him."

Kanato was amusing himself by poking at some bats in a cage. "It's normal for a person to get taller, isn't it?"

"No, no, lots of parts are different. I think he's a shapeshifter."

Ayato leapt to his feet. "If he's our father an' he's a shapeshiffer, doesn't that make us shape-fifters too?"

"Shapeshifter," Laito corrected him, speaking slowly so Ayato would understand. "And I don't know. Try changing into something."

Kanato turned his attention away from the bats, finally interested. "I would turn into a bird. Then I could fly places."

"I'm gonna try an' be a lion!" Ayato announced. He then sat down, crossing his arms and focused so intensely on changing into a lion that his eyes went crossed. Laito laughed at him.

"If I could shapeshift, I would turn into Ayato or Kanato. Then I would be handsomer." Kanato looked pleased with Laito's compliment, Ayato doubly so.

"But we're already triplets, so we already look like."

"That doesn't matter, because Ayato's a lion now."

Ayato grinned at Kanato. "Lions can eat birds."

"No they can't! Birds fly away before they get eaten!"

"That's okay, Kanato," Ayato crossed his arms again, looking proud of himself. "I wouldn't eat you anyway, because I'm a nice lion."

"But you couldn't-"

The two went on like that for some time with Laito struggling to intervene. The subject of their father's shapeshifting power was long forgotten, as they were children and couldn't think on these things for too long, and years later they learned about his powers in more detail and all the fun was taken out of it. Eventually, the question "Why does our father always look different?" was replaced with "Why don't we ever see our father?" and the answer was usually, "He's busy so stop asking questions."

And they eventually got rid of all their questions, except for when their older brother Shu ushered them into another room (where Reiji was studying and trying his best to ignore them) and told them he had a secret for them. The triplets happily followed him, excited by the idea of a secret. Their sense of curiosity perked right back up.

"Are you ready? You have to quiet down or no one will hear it," Shu told them in a whisper.

"I'm quiet! I'm quiet!" Ayato cheered.

"You're clearly not," Kanato told him.

Once the triplets settled down, Shu got down on his knees so he could talk up to them rather than down to them, and he whispered, "…We might be getting a little brother or sister soon."

The three of them lost it. "Oh my God! I don't want one," Ayato wailed, tugging dramatically at his hair.

"Ah, I want a little sister! I really, really want one!" Laito sighed dreamily, clasping his hands together.

"A little brother or sister…" Kanato sounded ready to cry. "No, no! Everybody will forget about me…!"

"We're not going to forget about you, Kanato!" Laito rejoined. "And the new baby will have to call you big brother."

Kanato thought over that for a while. Being called big brother might be pretty nice, but he would have responsibilities and he would have to share things with them. "I still don't like it…"

As the triplets bickered, Shu leaned on Reiji's chair. "What do you think? Do you want a brother or sister?"

Reiji was still trying to ignore him, but the question settled in his head nonetheless. "…A sister, I think. I've had enough of brothers."

"Haha! That's kind of mean."

"And I hope she's dreadfully stupid," he went on, shutting his book. "And I hope she's plain, and I hope you love her."

Shu didn't know what to think of that first part. "I'm sure I'll love her." He paused. "Are you being sarcastic?"

"I'm always serious."

Ayato came running. "Shu!" he demanded his attention. Reiji took the opportunity to go back to his book. "When's the new brother or sister gonna get here?"

Shu frowned, thinking. "In a few months. Later on we'll know for sure."

"How?"

"It's kind of complicated."

"Where's she comin' from?"

"…?"

Ayato grinned. "If it's gonna take a few months then is she from some place far away? Another country?"

"Oh, oh. No."

"Then where?"

Laito started to laugh. "Ayato, you're going to bother Shu if you ask questions like that. I can teach you!"

"Huh?! You're keepin' secrets from me, Laito?!"

Reiji spoke up. "To spare the gruesome details, babies come from mothers after the mother's egg is fertilized by the father's sperm."

The others went into shock at how blunt he was. Ayato scrunched up his face. "Well, I certainly didn't come that way."

"Yes you did. All of us were born that way."

"Not me," Ayato asserted, then turned his back to Reiji to let him know that this conversation was over. Laito, Shu, and Kanato were still gaping over the exchange that just happened right in front of them.

"…Reiji!"

Reiji glared back at them. "What? He was going to find out eventually."

But Ayato had already moved on. "You know," he told Kanato and Laito. "More than a new brother or sister, I would much rather have a dog."

Kanato made a face. "Dogs are loud and stupid. I think a cat would be better."

"Ah…I really want a sister…" Laito sighed wistfully.

The wait for a brother or sister ended up lasting a long time. A very, very long time - long enough for Ayato and Kanato to forget about it completely. Laito didn't forget. In fact, after a few months, he realized it was taking quite a long time and he started to pray for a little sister. Literally praying to God before bed because he wanted a little sister so badly. His prayers were conversational, as if he was asking a friend rather than God. God didn't answer him directly but Laito convinced himself that he was listening and that, if he was really good, then he would get the little sister he wanted. Still, there was no news.

Well, God, it's okay if it's a brother too. I'd love a brother just as much. What I'm saying is, maybe I can have a little sister someday too, but a brother is fine.

The topic of a new brother or sister did not come back up again.

Okay, so, I don't really care what it is and you can take your time, God, because I can be patient, but I would at least like to know if you're working on something.

Months and months and still nothing.

Maybe you're busy making miracles and stuff, God, but you know? - I'm a really responsible brother already; I proved it with the others, so I think I can handle one more. So if that's what you're worried about, I can handle it.

When he asked Shu, he only frowned and shook his head, making Laito's heart sink.

God, if you're making me wait on purpose, I want you to know that it's not funny.

"I didn't want to bring it up because I thought everyone forgot about it. Apparently it's not happening."

Why not, God? What'd I do?

Shu shrugged and put on a sad smile. "Father's new wife had a miscarriage. But maybe they'll try again someday."

"What's a miscarriage?"

I think the problem is, God, that you're not really real. That would make a lot more sense.

"It means there was a baby, but it passed away before it was born. I'm sorry, Laito. I know you were excited for a new baby."

Laito clenched his fist and hung his head, glaring up at Shu. "It doesn't matter much."

Shu blinked his eyes at him. "Well, just make sure you don't bring it up around Ayato and Kanato. I'm sure they'll be sad."

"Uh-huh."

"Look!" Shu tried to smile again. "You have to take care of the brothers you have right now." Laito didn't answer that, but instead turned away and headed back to his room.

So God didn't exist after all, which was unfortunate, but at least it taught Laito not to get his hopes up. Laito treated his brothers cruelly for some time after that, because they weren't the kind of sibling he wanted. Of course, it quickly became clear to him that, under the circumstances, the three of them needed to support each other. So he plastered a fake smile on his face, and went back to patting Kanato's head when he cried and reading stories to Ayato, even though it meant suffering through those bitter feelings.

Ayato never remembered that he was supposed to have a brother or sister. Kanato did, out of the blue while Laito was reading. Suddenly he started to sniffle and weep quietly into his hands.

"What is it this time?" Ayato asked, somewhat annoyed.

"It isn't anything. I'm just sad," Kanato whined in response, not wanting to talk about it.

"Don't be dumb. If something's bothering you then I'll punch it until it goes away!"

Kanato didn't respond, just sobbed. He didn't even want another sibling; he was just disturbed by the idea that it might be dead. All he knew was that there was a baby and now there's not. Laito put the book down and stared at Kanato for a while, lips parted in surprise, when suddenly his eyes stung. Hot tears rolled down his cheeks and fell onto the pages of the book, and he hastily wiped them away. Once the two realized they were crying together, they stopped holding back and cried without restraint like children.

Ayato looked back and forth between the two, horrified that something was going on that he was unaware of. He whimpered, and his eyes filled with tears too, because he was scared of what was happening to his brothers. He grabbed onto their clothing so they wouldn't disappear, and he cried along with them, though not quite for the same reason.

At night near a cake shop there would often be a young boy crying underneath the only working street lamp, which would flicker on and off, and it was speculated to be a ghost associated with several disappearances in that area. If the disappearances were blamed on gang violence or something of that nature, then maybe girls wouldn't leave home at night alone, but because it was blamed on something supernatural, the crying boy had his fair share of girls who came up to him asking what was wrong.

Kanato wasn't good at fake crying, so he only went down by the street lamp when he was upset. It was a good tactic for finding girls to drink from, though. It didn't work so well when Laito and Ayato figured out what he was doing, because they started to follow him.

"You always steal my girls!" Kanato screamed at them, practically trembling with rage. "Go somewhere else and find your own! I'm hungry too, you know!"

"Oh, chill out," Ayato said, leaning against the door to the cake shop, which was closed for the night. "It's no problem, is it? If Yours Truly is here then you'll attract twice as many girls."

Laito laughed, aware that this wasn't the case. "Listen, listen. Once we get someone, we'll take her home and we can all share her."

"But she's mine…!"

"You can't claim something you've never seen before, Kanato."

The three boys looked pretty harmless talking together like that, like normal teenagers, so it actually wasn't long until a girl walked right past them, texting and paying them no mind. Ayato stepped right in front of her, and she ran into him.

"-Hey! What the hell?" she snapped, looking up from her phone.

"Hey there." Ayato started to look over her body. "She looks pretty good. What do you think?"

Laito walked up behind her, observing her closely. "She'll do perfectly!" he said with a giggle. "I love thick thighs."

"Get away!" the girl shouted, looking back at her phone. "I'm calling the police-"

Kanato took the phone from her hand, gazed at it for a moment, then threw it onto the ground and watched it shatter. "Like I said!" he shouted. "She's mine!"

Ayato plugged his ears. "Shut up! Yours Truly saw her first."

"Regardless of who saw her first, we're all going to be partaking, right? Nfu~…"

The girl started to sweat and broke into a run. She tried to get around Ayato, who was blocking her path, as quickly as possible, but she ended up tripping over his shoe and falling to the ground with a grunt.

Laito laughed at her. "You're a little pathetic, huh?"

"Don't talk to her; I said she's mine…" Kanato grumbled.

"Let's get her home, I'm starving," Ayato said with a grin.

For the girl, it was unclear exactly what happened after that. The three grabbed her and dragged her away, leaving her shattered phone behind. Upon entering their mansion they threw her down onto the floor, where she stayed, because her legs were trembling so much that she couldn't move. Now, as they spoke above her, she could see their fangs clearly.

"We sure are lucky…I haven't seen such a pretty girl in a long time," Laito sighed, his cheeks turning red.

"Don't try to flatter her. She's not that good looking," Kanato said, looking at her with disdain.

Ayato knelt next to her. "I'll be the first to try her, of course," he said with a sneer.

The girl let out a shriek, but of course no one came to rescue her. Ayato pinned her down by the arms, and Kanato held her head in place, and Laito held down her legs. Ayato had paused to enjoy the terrified look on her face when the door opened and Shu stepped in.

Ayato glanced over at Shu. "Thank God, I thought it was someone who was going to ruin our fun."

"Whoa, Shu, were you outside?" Laito asked with awe. Ayato laughed at his joke.

Shu stared blankly at them while the girl struggled and called for Shu to help her. "…I was meeting with that man."

"That explains it, then. What did he want?"

Shu ignored them and moved to the couch, laying down and shutting his eyes. Laito laughed at him, commenting about how typical it was.

Then he muttered quietly, "That man's trying for another kid."

It took a second for his words to resonate with the three of them, but they all froze up. Ayato looked over, sure that he had misunderstood. "Who's what?"

"Karl Heinz is trying for another child with Christa."

"…Oh."

It was silent for a while. The girl looked from person to person, petrified. Without speaking, the triplets got off her, and she struggled to her feet and made a break for it, running as fast as her wobbly legs would take her. They let her run.

There seemed like a lot of questions they should be asking, but they couldn't think of any.

"Just what we need," Kanato muttered. "Another kid running around…"

Ayato hadn't figured out how to feel yet, but when Kanato expressed annoyance, he realized he was supposed to be annoyed too. "Yeah. If we gotta deal with a crying baby I'm gonna be so pissed off. And one Subaru is enough!"

Shu didn't offer any comment.

Laito was still in a state of shock. "…Do you think…it'll really happen?"

"Hopefully not."

"Yeah, hopefully not!"

"Hopefully not," Laito repeated, speaking in a monotone.

"I'm tired," Shu mumbled. "Go repeat yourselves somewhere else."

Instead, they both took their place on the couch. Ayato started to talk for the sake of talking. "So Subaru's gonna have his own blood brother. Do you think they'll look alike?"

Kanato crossed his arms, looking dissatisfied. "If the baby looked like Subaru, it would be unpleasant."

"Haha! I'm gonna tell him you said that."

"Go ahead. He won't care. He'll agree with me."

To Kanato and Ayato it became a joke, and Shu wasn't saying a word about it, but Laito occupied himself with staring at the ceiling and thought very hard about what this meant. Most likely, the universe was testing his self-imposed pessimism, and trying to get him to get his hopes up again. But that wasn't going to work, because Christa had had miscarriages before and even if the child did live, it was doubtful that it could stay alive with such incompetent older brothers (and parents) for long, and even if it did live a full life, it would just be another cruel and reclusive Sakamaki. Or, at least, that's what Laito was trying his hardest to believe, because picturing a cute, healthy little sister might drive him mad.

"Laito? What are you looking at?"

Laito started to laugh to himself. "You guys are right. It'd be awful to have another sibling."

"If anything, it's just someone else to ignore," Kanato pointed out.

Ayato looked confused, because he was never really in the habit of ignoring his brothers, considering that he was constantly bored and looking for people to bother. He looked to Shu, who had an unrecognizable expression on his face. His discomfort was clear even though his eyes were shut.

"Go talk about this someplace else," he ordered. "You're noisy."

"Hahaha! I bet Shu is sick of brothers, too."

"If you three don't leave, then I will."

"Shu, you've gotta go tell Subaru!" Ayato ordered.

The rest of them suddenly looked uneasy, since they were very aware of how Subaru would react. "I'm not going to tell him. Get Reiji to tell him."

"Reiji's not gonna do it, if he values his life."

Ayato tilted his head. "I'll tell him."

"You will?"

"Why not? It's not like it's my fault."

Laito looked concerned. "…Be careful. And don't say anything mean."

Ayato didn't really understand what he meant. As far as he was concerned, though, Subaru didn't deserve any special treatment. He halfheartedly promised Laito not to say anything mean, and he headed upstairs.

(A/N: End of chapter one! Please tell me what you think. Even though nothing really happened yet :'D)