Donna had not the slightest idea how she had been able to make it through half of this day.
No idea how she had been able to face Harvey after what happened, and remain professional and focused.
No idea how she managed to explain the surprising turn of the situation regarding Lisa's testimony to Alex, Mike, Rachel and Louis, without even as much as a flickering in her eyes, or an involuntary spasm in the corner of her lip that frequently occurred in extremely stressful situations.
This one audition for a theatre play in high school had been a living hell, her lip just did not stop contracting through all of her monologue, so instead of getting the lead role as Esmeralda, she was assigned to play Quasimodo.
So far it was her lowest point.
At least she didn't top it off today.
Right after the brief meeting, Harvey and Alex left to confront Van Dyke with the rather juicy details Lisa revealed to Donna.
Mike and Rachel buried themselves in files, in case their bold move would not lead to Van Dyke backing off.
And shortly before 5 o'clock, Louis left as well, presumingly to have a "life changing appointment", whatever this meant.
But not before confronting her with a life changing event of her own.
The sun already lost its fight against the upcoming darkness, the city yet illuminated by the depleted surrogates mimicking the original source.
Donna was in her office, pretending to work, when instead she just replayed every event of the last 24 hours, trying to figure out what the hell happened, or almost happened.
She hated not knowing everything.
And knowing everything required some analysis.
She recalled every move Harvey made, every word he said, or meant to say and did not say, every touch, or the absence of a touch, every look, or him avoiding her eyes, every facial expression, and yes, she typed some gibberish crap into her laptop when people were passing by her office only to display the any other day routine look.
She even stared at the bottle of Scotch for a while.
For a long while though.
And she deeply regretted for not pouring herself a glass before Louis walked into her office.
"Donna, we need to talk."
"Louis, what is it? I'm quite busy as you can see, so…"
"Donna, please, you're not fooling anyone, especially me, as I'm your best male friend, I mean maybe even your best friend, sure, there's Rachel, but only because she has ovaries, and ehhm… there's nothing wrong with having ovaries, it's a gift from god, I mean, you were blessed with the greatest gift of being a vessel for a new life, I mean, what could be greater… "
"Louis, what the hell is it? Please don't make me endure all of your 'womanhood is a blessing' speech."
"Ok ok, I'm sorry. Donna, I just… Ehh… I'm worried about you…?"
The tension in Louis' voice provokes her to lean back in her seat, adopting a quite defensive and hostile posture, anticipating the blow that would obviously follow.
"Why would you worry about me, Louis?"
"You're my friend, why wouldn't I worry about you, right?"
An annoyed sigh leaves Donna's lips before she puts Louis in his place.
"Louis."
"Ok, ok, so… I… and only me alone… I noticed something off between you and Harvey… And so…."
Meanwhile, having enough of his evasion, Donna crosses her arms in front of her chest, and takes a deep breath to give her voice the necessary resoluteness.
"Please, Louis, cut the bullshit. Mike told you, didn't he?"
"Ehh…"
"Louis, it's ok. Just tell me what's on your mind."
"I don't know any details, right? But something happened, so…"
Once again, Donna undergoes the procedure of pressing as much air as possible into her lungs, incidentally wishing the air would be soaked in Scotch.
"Yes, Louis, something happened. I kissed Harvey. But I bet you already know that."
At least Louis has the decency to blush, changing his facial colour into some nuance between pink and magenta, ambitiously trying to put his words into the right combination without discrediting himself.
"Yes, I mean , no… I mean what? You kissed Harvey?"
Since Donna can read his expressions like an open book, indeed a book she read about a million times and could recall every single letter, formed by the indigo ink, printed on these pages of pressed together cellulose, defining Louis Litt's mindset, the only response she can offer to his poor acting performance is a minor head shake.
"Louis, please."
"Ok, I'm sorry, but Donna…"
Despite of her uttermost effort, her patience with him slowly but surely starts to wear off nevertheless, aggravating her tone.
"Just spit it out, Louis."
Louis straightens his shoulders, quickly recovering from the set back, ready for an attack of his own.
"How could you do that? It's crossing a line."
Donna breaks off the eye contact, inhales sharply, and has to count to ten to soften the response already lingering on her tongue.
"I know. But this line had to be crossed, Louis. Otherwise I couldn't have lived with myself. Like you can't live with yourself after giving up on Sheila. You even opened up to me because of that, and I saw first hand how it ate you up alive. I just didn't want to repeat your mistake."
"What? Me and Sheila, that's… Anyway, Donna, can't you see that it could jeopardize the entire firm? You know Harvey needs you, we all need you. You're the COO for god's sake! What if this goes south? What if…?
"I know, Louis, I know, but… I just had to know."
Louis' vocal chords reach the crescendo, his face now a scarlet red mask.
"You just had to... what? Know what? That you love Harvey? We all knew that since the mock trial, it was as clear as day so…"
Her worst suspicions now officially being confirmed, she has no resources left to fight against the upcoming tears.
"Louis, please shut up. I can't..."
"No Donna, not this time! This time I won't shut up! You…"
"You should understand me better than anyone, Louis. And deep down, you're perfectly aware of that."
"Donna…"
"Louis, please… just go. I beg you."
The translucent drops keep working their path all the way down to Donna's cheeks, until even Louis notices this evidence of despair.
"Donna, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, I just… "
"Louis, please… "
Donna sobs, using the back of her hand to wipe away the salty pearls.
"Donna, I'm so sorry... Wait, let me just… "
Looking around in her office for something to ease her obvious pain, Louis reaches for the Scotch, filling the nearby glass with a lot more than the two fingers.
"Did he... I mean, did Harvey...? Did he hurt you? This son of a … "
"Louis… "
"Ok ok, ehm… here, drink that. I'm so sorry, Donna."
"It's fine Louis. I don't even know… "
Suddenly a beeping disrupts the short silence that followed after Donna ran out of words and wisdom, the source being Louis' left pocket, containing his cell phone.
"Oh my god, Donna, I have to go! I have a life changing appointment scheduled, and I can't miss it… I'm so… I' m sorry, Donna, I… "
"Just go Louis, ok? I will be fine."
Louis rushes out of her office without even looking back, leaving Donna alone to nurse the glass of Scotch.
And then another one.
Desperate times require desperate measures.
Violently opening the back door of the Uber car with a friendly "What the hell took you so long? I said 5 o'clock straight, not 5-ish!" Louis maneuvers himself into the seat and buckles up.
He never trusted public transportation, neither did he ever trust his own driving skills as he failed his driver's license test two times in a row, bursting out in anger, tears of anger and then just tears every time they denied him his license due to his not so elaborated handling of the vehicle.
And it wasn't even this bad, hell, what are the odds those two misplaced road cones would have been people in real life conditions?
About zero, right?
Morons.
Anyway.
After a short fumbling around, making sure the goodies for Balthasar, consisting of goose liver paté, salmon tartar and sliced pieces of the finest entrecôte on the market, were still in the side pocket his suitcase, Louis leans back in the seat.
Ok, so whether Balthasar would be a more poultry, fish or meat kind of cat, Louis had it covered.
He hasn't been so keen to already take the transportation bag with him, it still only was a first date and Louis did everything in his power to leave a good impression.
Wait...
Oh god.
He forgot the flower arrangement for the owner.
It still sat on his desk back at the office, and they were already about what, 15 minutes away?
Jesus, how could he…?
He knew how he could.
Donna.
And Harvey.
And Van Dyke.
And the sleepless night and…
And yes, Sheila.
Anyway, too late to turn back now.
"Hey you, yes you, I'm talking to you? Hello? There's nobody else in here, except if you have some bondaged victim in your trunk of which I'm not aware of, who else would I be talking to? Ok, fInally, I got your attention, dear lord, why… Ok, so… We have to make a little detour here, to a flower shop nearby. What do you mean you don't know a flower shop nearby? Just google it or whatever, or do some magic with your sophisticated navigation system or something, just find me a flower shop on the way! God! Unbelievable!"
The delay due to the search for a decent flower shop, resulting in a much less exorbitant bouquet than the pre ordered one back in his office, adding the traffic jam ahead, was now postponing Louis' arrival at the cat lady's residence for more than half an hour than he originally anticipated.
The amount of verbal assaults towards his driver reached an absolute personal high score, before the car finally stopped at its final destination.
Nothing was going as he precisely planned, and now he was too late.
Grabbing his suitcase and the withering flowers, Louis stumbles out of the car, but not without a polite "I'm gonna sue your ass and the company you work for, asshole!" farewell.
He slams the door shut behind him, hoping he would at least damage the midnight blue coating of the Mercedes by doing so.
Trying to figure out the numbers on the house fronts in the not very efficient glimmer of the streetlights, he finally spots his target.
Taking a deep breath, calming down his nerves with the cold breeze piercing his nostrils and lungs, Louis walks up to the door and rings the antique appearing doorbell.
Putting his widest and sincerest smile on display as soon as the door swings open, revealing a grey haired woman with thick glasses surrounded by a tortoiseshell frame behind it, Louis immediately hands her the flowers.
"Hello Madam, my name is Louis Litt, and I'm perfectly aware that I'm a teeny tiny bit late for my appointment to meet Balth… Ehm, I mean Lucky of course!"
"Yes, you are too late, Mister. The lady who reserved him already came by and I approved. Lucky adored her from the first second! And can you believe it, she even has a cat hair allergy, but she did this, how do you call it, desensibilization therapy? Worked wonders apparently, not even sneezed once..."
"Wait, what? What do you mean… approved? Too late for what? Lucky adored...Sneezed… What? What the hell are you even talking about?"
"Well, Mister, what was it, Lift? Anyway, as we discussed on the phone, and I must say, not so young man, your mother could have teached you some better manners, honestly, your tone… Well... But anyway, as I was saying earlier, Lucky was already reserved, and you could have discussed the matter with the nice blonde lady, if you would have been on time. And as you weren't, well…"
"Wait, no no no, this can't be, right? Iˋm only like, what, 10 minutes late? I… I made a detour to buy some flowers for you, you see, I just forgot the other bouquet I ordered at my workplace, and I brought paté and salmon and beef for Balthasar, ehm, I mean, Lucky, I mean, how… "
Louis' eyes fill up with tears of frustration, the lump in his throat prevents him of speaking more meaningless and absolutely pointless words, as the truth sinks into his guts.
"The flowers are really nice I must say, thank you very much, Mr. Lift. The roses even smell! Normally they only look beautiful nowadays, but don't smell like roses anymore. And the colour! The pale pink with the yellow, beautiful. Well, alright, so the lady left about, let me think, 5 minutes ago, and she mentioned something about a late U… U-something... Upper car? Wait, oh, look, there she is! On the other side of the street! In the grey coat!"
Louis turns around, manically scanning the street for a blonde woman in a grey coat.
Only to recognize Sheila, softly lit by the lanterns, framing and sharpening her profile against the opaque curtain of the upcoming nightfall.