Chapter Four:

"Rick- Would you just look at yourself! You can barely stand up- Send someone else to go!"

Pain radiated throughout Rick's chest as he pulled on the clean t-shirt that his wife had brought for him, but it was not enough to stop him from getting up and he didn't need to look at Lori to see she was angry with him. He had to let her know that her protests were falling on deaf ears, "We don't have enough food. You know that."

Lori adjusted her hold on Judith, who was too busy sucking on her pacifier to care about her parents arguing, "I do know that Rick and I agree that someone should go, but not you"

Rick slowly inhaled, his breathing jagged, "We'll be back later."

His wife furiously scraped her fingers through her bangs, "I can't believe you."

He looked at her, noticing that she was riled up, "Look, I can't just sit back and watch everybody else scramble to do somethan'. I can't have that- I have to help"

She looked at him with disbelief, her eyes narrowing at him, "Is that what you think I'm doing? Sitting back and watching everyone else do something?"

Rick could have groaned out of frustration, but he didn't. Instead, he leaned over and placed a kiss on Judith's head, which earned him a sweet little squeal. He faced Lori, hoping he could muster something of substance to tell her but he simply couldn't, "I'll make sure that we're back tonight."

"You're going with her?", His wife was asking a question that she already knew the answer to, and once again Rick found himself feeling annoyed.

It was safe to say that he and his wife had returned to their opposing sides and it brought him a different kind of stress. He wasn't a fool; he knew that the tension between them stemmed from Michonne's return, and her behavior had grated on him since. Not only had she failed to tell him that Michonne was back, but he was sure that his wife was part of the reason she wanted to leave for the Hilltop. He saw the way Lori raced out of the infirmary after she scolded him about his injuries and he had a feeling that she found Michonne and possibly said something he wouldn't have agreed with, but he wasn't sure what, "Did you thank her for what she did yesterday? Or Mickey?"

Lori's chest sank out of shame as she removed her gaze from him, "...No. I didn't get a chance to."

"Then what did you say?", He pried, tilting his head to catch her gaze, "Well?"

His wife sniffed as she moved Judith from one side to the other, "...I wanted to know what happened. Why you were injured."

He could believe that, but he couldn't believe that was all. He continued to stare at her, "Yeah?"

She huffed, blowing a few strands of hair out of her face as she avoided looking at him, "I reminded her that she was part of this community too, so if we've all agreed that we'd do what he says then she has to do the same"

Rick squinted at his wife, "What did she do?"

She was riled up again by his question, "You have to ask?"

It took him a moment to figure out what she was insinuating, and when he did he clenched his fist at his sides and spoke in a dangerously low tone, "You need to stop this now, Lori"

Lori hissed back at him, "I need to stop this? Me?"

"Yes, you.", He retorted, "You need to forget about whatever it is that you think is happening and move on. In case you haven't noticed- we've got bigger thangs to worry about and no one has time to sit around, focusing on thangs that don't matter"

Lori's eyes glistened and she shook her head bitterly at him, "Our marriage? That doesn't matter?"

Rick drew back, feeling a slight pain in his chest. Regardless of the difficulty, he faced with his wife he didn't want to hurt her on purpose, but now was not the time for them to discuss their marriage. He started for one of the cabinets, "Like I said, we'll try to get back before dark"

He put the discussion with his wife to the back of his mind and kept his attention on the task they faced that day; getting help from the Kingdom. They were running low on food, and he couldn't bear the thought of laying in the infirmary all day so he made sure to take whatever pain relief he could with him and gathered a small group together.

Tara and Heath were easy to enlist, and unsurprisingly Michonne presented him with the same argument that his wife had done earlier and it took some convincing before she agreed to come along, with Mickey of course. The five of them set out in the SUV before midday, with Tara behind the wheel. Rick sat in the passenger seat, leaving Heath, Mickey, and Michonne in the back.

It was a mostly quiet ride, almost uncomfortably quiet until Rick heard a faint giggle. It could have only been Michonne as she was sat behind him, so he turned his head towards his window, signaling that she'd caught his attention.

"Face forward, old man", She instructed with a seemingly serious tone, but he could detect some amusement.

"...Why do you call him 'old man'?", Rick heard Mickey ask quietly, but evidently not quite enough, "He doesn't look that much older than you?"

"Just as a reminder", She replied evenly, "And he's actually twenty years older than me"

An ugly snort of laughter came from Rick, and he had to fight to compose himself, even though he was sure he heard Tara chuckle as well. He turned his head to ask her, "Are you sure about that, Michonne?"

"Very", She said easily.

"So you're like… forty-seven, or something?", Mickey probed while looking at the back of Rick's head.

Rick's eye's nearly bulged out of his head, "No, I'm not even close to that yet- But hold on, how old did she tell you she was?"

"Alright, let's just leave this topic alone now", Michonne ejected dryly, causing Rick to chortle under his breath. Her ability to make him laugh was unlike any other and he welcomed it, because there weren't many things left to laugh about since the outbreak. The more he thought about it the more he realized that he hadn't even had a reason to crack a smile in her absence, other than when he was in his daughter's company but he was predisposed to do so whenever he saw the little girl.

She and Mickey continued their conversation in hushed tones for the remainder of the journey while the others stared out of the windows aimlessly. Rick popped two more pills when he felt the first dose begin to wear off, but luckily for him, they were heading to a community with people a little more medically trained than Rosita. While the girl knew more than most she still wasn't a doctor or a nurse, and there was only so much she could do.

They arrived at the old school building where the Kingdom was based, and they were easily allowed in once Rick showed his face. The residents were sprinkled everywhere, going about their day and unaware of just what was happening beyond the walls. Rick was almost jealous of them. Ezekiel had managed to keep their plight with the Saviors a secret from his people and it seemed to be the best thing he'd done for them, though Rick wasn't sure how long it could last.

"We may have to wait out here for a while...", Rick explained to the others as they came away from the vehicle, "...There's some kind of formal greeting they like to do"

"This place is strange…", Michonne muttered from beside him.

"Is that a tiger?!", Tara pointed towards the main building, where Ezekiel was descending the steps, followed by his closest men and his pet Tiger.

"Greetings!", The grey-haired man boomed as he came in their direction, raising his cane in the air as he smiled, "It is our friends from the great Alexandria! And to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"You've got to be fucking kidding me", Michonne breathed, squinting as she looked in Rick's direction.

Ezekiel stopped in front of them, tilting his head as he looked at Michonne, "And what, pray tell, is bothering you, fair maiden?"

Rick's mouth fell agape when he saw Ezekiel reach for her hand. He was tempted to warn the leader about what could happen when someone touched Michonne without her permission, but she fiercely let him know by snatching her hand away in disgust, "Don't touch me!"

"What is the meaning of this?", Ezekiel sprung back in surprise, "How dare you disrespect me within the walls of my Kingdom! This is an outrage!"

Michonne pulled her katana from its sheath, "Disrespect is about to be the last thing you worry about¬"

"Michonne", Rick called a little firmly, though he kept his hand on his hatchet when he noticed Ezekiel's men raise their weapons.

"Shiva- No!", Ezekiel barked when his tiger roared protectively beside her owner. He held on tight to the chain that held her as he raised his cane to signal for everyone to stop, "Please, forgive me for my theatrics. I do hope you understand, I want our two peoples to be allies, united against a common enemy. It's essential for us to work together. Please, put away your weapon and let us just forget this ever happened"

"Put away your weapon, and I'll put away mine", Michonne responded coolly.

"You mean Shiva? Shiva, my dear, is my pet…", Ezekiel tucked his cane under his arm and pulled the handle free, revealing a slim sword, "This is my weapon"

Michonne snarled at him, "This isn't¬"

"It's okay! Calm yourself", Ezekiel quickly put his sword away, "I simply wanted to see if mine was bigger, and it was not"

Michonne lowered her Katana with a look of displeasure on her face, and Rick couldn't help but do the same when he realized that Ezekiel appeared to be flirting with her.

"Come, make yourselves at home", The eccentric leader offered, "You have had a long journey. Let us put this nonsense behind us and feast!"

His men stood aside to allow them in the building, and Michonne was the first to stomp past them all, closely followed by Mickey, Tara, and Heath. Rick walked beside Ezekiel, "I'm sorry about that¬"

"Oh, please, you need not apologize", Ezekiel slapped a hand on Rick's shoulder, "The lady is most wondrous… such fire in those eyes"

Rick shot him a brief glance from the corner of his eye, "Yeah… Just don't touch her."

The people of the Kingdom laid out plenty of food in the dining hall and they all came to enjoy their meal, and it was while seated next to the man that Rick quiet disclosed the reason for their visit, and Ezekiel seemed pleased to help, though he went on to say, "It saddens me to learn that Alexandria is on its knees at the hands of our enemy. It makes me wonder if we should allow this… this 'deal' to continue…"

Rick watched him closely, surprised to hear what the other man was thinking, "Yeah?"

"Indeed. So much that we…", Ezekiel leaned in closer, "Made our last 'trade' a special one. Their pigs were fed rotten meat from the things that live amongst us…"

Rick realized what he meant, and slowly nodded, "Right."

"It was subtle, but I think it is a step in the right direction, my friend."

Rick wasn't aware that the leader was considering fighting back, and while it made him uncomfortable for the people of the Kingdom, it did lead him to question if Michonne was right and if she really could enlist people to go against Negan, but it still seemed unlikely because even if all three communities came together, how many would want to take part was still unknown, and as far as he was concerned he had far greater to lose than the Saviors.

When he had finished his meal he left the hall to move the vehicle closer to the building so residents can pack their offering into the car with ease, but as soon as he stepped outside he was greeted by a very annoyed looking Michonne. Rick frowned at her as he looked back towards the school, "Did you run here? You were sitting down when I left?"

Her arms were folded across her chest and her back straight, her expression stoic.

"Don't look at me like that, Michonne", He warned as he stepped around her to get to the SUV, "I told you"

"You failed to mention that none of these people even know what's going on and that we'd have to play along with this stupid charade", She pointed out sternly as she turned around to face him, "And you failed to mention that he was the biggest weirdo ever"

Rick fought back a smile as he opened the door. He paused to look at her, "I told him not to touch you again"

She glared at him.

"Look, can you see why I don't think we can do this now?", He closed the door so he could speak to her properly, "I'm not… I'm not allowing Negan and his people to make our lives hell because I want it to happen. I don't want all of us to live in fear and I don't want to see all of us struggle to get by on tiny rations- This isn't what I've come this far for- and If I had the chance to kill that son of a bitch safely, then I would. But I don't."

"We've never been able to kill anyone safely, Rick", She pointed out, "We've always known at the back of our minds that we can't guarantee anyone's safety and that hasn't stopped us before"

"Well it's stopped me now", He spoke in a final tone, "It's stopped me now"

Michonne sighed as she shook her head, looking away from him. Rick could see she was trying not to fight with him because she had already made up her mind and would go through with her plan, with or without his agreement, but she wasn't going to give up on him either.

He scratched his beard as he looked down at her boots, "You're not twenty-seven."

He peaked up at her and saw her eyes lit up, but her lips remained pressed together as she tried not to laugh.

"You can't be younger than you were when we first met. It doesn't work that way Michonne", He shook his head at the notion, "Stop lying to the boy"

She bowed her head as she smiled, and for the briefest of moments he felt as if everything was right with the world again, "I can pass for twenty-seven"

"I'm not arguing with that", He smirked, backing up to the car door so that he could open it again, "I just wish you'd stop subtracting years from your age and adding them to mine"

She laughed as she looked up at him, "It's what friends do."

"Yeah, yeah", He rolled his eyes at her, "Come on, I need to move this to the back"

She finally dropped her arms to her side as she walked around the front of the car, "...No one would believe that you're forty-seven, anyway"

"Because I'm not.", Rick secretly chastised himself for continuing to fall back into an old routine with her, knowing she planned to leave again. He wished that she wouldn't, and he couldn't think of a time where he needed her more, but he had never been able to say or do anything to keep her with the group. When she felt the need to go off on her own then she would do just that, but unlike their time before Alexandria, he couldn't send Daryl with her. He started the car once she was seated, "When do you plan on leaving?"

She exhaled as she looked at him, "...Maybe in a day or two?"

"...You plan on spending some time with Carl first?", He queries, figuring that was the reason that she hadn't left already.

She nodded, "Yeah. I owe him."

"I hope he wasn't too hard on you…"

She scoffed at his statement, "The last thing he did was hold back"

Rick had no problem believing that as his son had no problem letting anyone know how he felt, "Did he tell you about when he snuck out?"

"He did", She blew out a breath, "I let him know that I wasn't a fan of that stuff"

He groaned as he recalled the moment Negan presented his son to him, "I wanted to lock him in his room and throw away the key"

She snickered at him, "He's not that much different to you, just not as refined or structured"

"You think?", Rick raised an eyebrow as he snuck a peek at her, "Sometimes I think he's the complete opposite"

"Trust me, that's not the case.", She deadpanned.

He tilted his head slightly as he considered it, "I guess I have to take your word for it. You probably know him better than I do at the point"

He felt her gaze on him as she spoke, "You both have to remember that even though he's capable of a lot and you can trust him with certain things, he's still a teenager. You've given him a lot of responsibility in the past and that's confused him because he looks in the mirror and sees a grown man, but he's not. He's still a boy, and you're his father and you're the leader, so he has to respect that, and you have to respect the fact that he will act like a teenager every now and then"

Rick groaned again as he brought the car to a stop, "For the hundredth time, you're right. I know you're right"

"I'm always right", She stressed as she threw her hands up out of exasperation, "You should know that by now"

He sniggered at her, "Alright alright, let's stop there before your head gets any bigger. I appreciate the parenting advice, and hope I'll be able to return the favor one day"

There was a shift in the atmosphere as soon as the words hit the air. He noticed it, her smile no longer radiating happiness but something filled with pain, and all of sudden everything clicked into place and he felt a fool for not registering sooner.

He sat back feeling astonished, breathing her name, "Michonne?"

She reached for the door handle, "Come on, we're done her¬"

"Michonne, wait", He grabbed hold of her wrist to stop her, causing her to freeze, "Stop, it's time to stop pushing people away- pushing me away, okay?"

She kept her face turned away from him, "...I don't want to do this right now, I'm sorry"

Rick had to let go of her, "But you can. When you're ready to- You can"

She looked in his direction, but not directly at him, "I know. I've always known that"

It was his turn to sigh. He hated that she felt that she couldn't disclose anything she wanted to him, but she had a choice and he respected that. Due to their current circumstances, they had to exit the vehicle and continue with their task as if nothing happened, but his mind was plagued with questions that he did want to answer.

It never even crossed his mind that she could have had a child before the outbreak. Even after witnessing her with Carl, she could be quite motherly towards him but she mostly acted as a protective big sister. He could say the same about Mickey, from what he had seen. It dawned on him the Carl must have known, and he wondered if Mickey or his father had known too. The more he thought about what he knew of her personal life, the more he tried to understand the part of her that he didn't know; the kind of mother she was, if she had more than one child, and what her ex must have been like. She had only been involved with one man that Rick knew of, and even that relationship was shrouded in secrecy.

He busied himself with helping the Kingdom residents pack their trade in the trunk, hoping Michonne would realize that he was someone that she could share her burdens with. Ezekiel continued to entertain everyone without a care in the world, and knowing what Rick knew, he would admit that he could respect how the other leader was trying to handle things, even though he thought it was risky business.

"...Sorry, those were mine", Mickey popped up beside Rick when he was looking in the backseat of the SUV, dumbfounded by the number of candy wrappers on the floor, "I'll clean them up"

Rick stepped aside to allow the teen in, "...Did you raid a vending machine or somethan'?"

"That's exactly what happened", Mickey smirked nervously as he crawled into the vehicle, "They're usually empty these days but we got lucky… Well, I got lucky"

Rick rested an arm on the door of the car while he waited for him to tidy up, ignoring the pain that intensified in his chest, "...How long were you at sea for?"

"Uh… I'm not sure but it was a really, really long time"

"Yeah? How'd you get the boat?"

Mickey's response was a little delayed, "It was my dads. We had it in our family for a while."

Rick could detect a little weight behind his words; as if speaking about his father still made him uneasy. He geared away from the topic, "You miss it?"

Mickey sat back in the seat and looked up at him, "...Kind of. It was great because we didn't see any roamers out there… and you forget about what's going on here"

"I get it.", Rick slowly inhaled, "Well listen, I just wanna' say thank you for what you did yesterday. It helped a lot."

Mickey shrugged innocently, "It was nothing."

Rick shook his head at the teen's reply, "No, it was somethan'... somethan' pretty brave actually"

Mickey released a weak chuckle, "I was crapping my pants the whole time."

Rick produced a crooked smile as he gave Mickey space to exit, "Well, you hid that well."

"...You were a cop, right?", He asked with hands filled with foiled paper.

"...I was", Rick gave him a single nod for confirmation, "Sheriff's deputy."

"Cool.", Mickey climbed out the car, "...My dad was, too. NYPD."

"Yeah? He did the for a while?"

"As long as I can remember"

Rick couldn't recall the last time he had a conversation with a teenager that didn't feel like a battle. Mickey seemed nice enough and was a lot more pleasant towards him than his own son, and he could see why Michonne expected some difficulty between the two teenage boys.

Once everything was packed up, Rick made a discreet trip to the infirmary to get himself checked out by the community nurse. It was an uncomfortable exam as the older woman was rough and firmly advised him to rest when they returned to Alexandria. He took the strong pain medication she gave him, then went back to the hall to endure Ezekiel's theatrics for a short while longer before his group was free to go.

Heath drove and Rick sat beside him, while the other rode in the back. It was quieter on the way back and he only heard the occasional whisper. He was glad, as the medication kicked in rather quickly and it left him feeling a little light headed. He didn't want to speak; he was afraid that his words would slur, so he stared blankly out the windshield, wondering how he would return back to his home. He had Lori on a highly charged note and there was a chance that she'd want to speak with him when he returned. The thought of having to discuss their marriage or the effect that Lori thought Michonne had on him, made Rick want to groan out of exhaustion. It wasn't hard for Rick to understand why his wife felt the way that she did but he didn't like to think about it, let alone talk about it. The guilt he felt for his feelings towards Michonne was enough to make him feel nauseous.

They arrived back in the safe-zone just as the sun began to set. Rick could breathe a little sigh of relief knowing that residents wouldn't starve, but he knew that the food from the kingdom wouldn't last them long enough. He went with Heath to take the food to the pantry while Tara, Michonne, and Mickey returned to their homes. Michonne had volunteered to help but Rick politely declined as he felt that she needed a break from him. She was carrying something momentous on her chest and Rick decided he would wait for him to speak to him if indeed she wanted to.

"Carl! Carl- get back here, now!", He heard Lori's voice cry from inside his home before he had even opened the door, and he didn't get a chance to as it swung open when he reached for the handle. His son tried to storm past him but Rick grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Carl, just stop. I'm not finished talking to you", Lori appeared flustered as she caught up with the teen, her eyes darting to Rick for help, "I'm trying to talk to him¬"

"We talked.", Carl replied back coldly as he pulled his arm free from his father's hold. His wounded eye was uncovered but his hair covered most of the area, "I want some fresh air but she won't let me leave the house"

Rick looked his son from head to toe, "She is your mother. You don't just walk off like that when someone's talking to you"

"We were done talking", His son pointed out angrily, "I said I wanted some fresh air"

Rick turned to his wife, who began to huff and puff as she ran her fingers through her bangs, "I just don't want him to go far. He can sit out on the porch or something"

Carl rolled his eyes at the suggestion, "Is Michonne's back? I want to see her."

Lori's eyes widened, while Rick tried to hide the fact that he tensed by shifting uneasily, "She is but maybe you just stick around here today"

His son looked even more disgusted at that suggestion than the previous one, "Why?"

"Because we had a long day, that's all", Rick explained, "She told me she planned to spend some time with you before she leaves so you can go over there tomoro¬"

"Before she leaves?", Carl repeated, his dark brows knitting in confusion.

Rick wanted to kick himself, but he chose to bite his lip as he turned his body to face his son, "Yeah. She's gonna' go up to the Hilltop for a while¬"

"Why? When? What for?", Carl queried, his anger evident in his stance.

"To help out Maggie and Sasha", Rick insisted, not wishing to lie to his son but he was hoping that what he said would turn out to be the truth, "Just for a little while. She's not leaving like she did before"

Carl glowered at them, his bright blue eye looking from one parent to the other as if he were deciding who hated more for his friend's departure. Rick wouldn't be surprised if he did blame he and Lori, as he had done the first time Michonne disappeared. After a moment of sending his parent's repulsive stares, he stalked back into the home without a glance back. Rick closed his eyes applied a little pressure to his nose bridge with his thumb and index finger, trying to organize his thoughts but to no avail. He knew that blurting out Michonne's impending departure would come back on him somehow.

Lori sighed as she stood in front of him, wrapping the thin cardigan that she wore around her body, "...She's leaving again?"

Rick held up a hand, signaling for his wife to end the discussion there, "Don't. Just, don't"

She drew back in shock with parted lips, which she swiftly snapped shut. She then spun around and went back into the home, leaving Rick to fume over recent events alone.