Chapter 4:

1 Year Ago

I sat on Lissa's bed and stared out the window that overlooked the enormous plot of land in the back of the Court. I often wondered why Lissa picked this particular room with this view, but I finally understood why. It was peaceful. Something about staring at the snow sparkling as the early morning sun rose brought a sense of comfort to me. It reminded me of St. Vlad's in Montana and how me and other novices would throw snowballs at each other after the first good snowfall of the season.

I had taken an unexpected personal day off of guarding Lissa, due to Dimitri's upcoming departure today. I felt it was best for me to stay away from the guardian's and Moroi's talking about the once Strigoi's departure out of the country. The environment today would be too toxic to me, considering my past with Dimitri, that more people had sneaking suspicions about. Not to mention, I didn't want to see him off.

Yesterday's conversation was the best way we could depart from each other. It was civil and sentimental, there was not more I could expect out of it. Oh, and at least he finally thanked me for what I did for him. Lissa was happy that Dimitri thanked me when I told her about that encounter, but I was still angry at everything that happened. I knew Lissa didn't know how to make me feel better about the situation, but instead knew not to the drop his name at all.

I laid down on the bed, pulling myself into Lissa's mind to see how soon she would be back. Even though the bond was only one way, Lissa always knew when something was troubling me, especially when it came to a boy. She knew I needed to vent about Dimitri and Adrian and drown my sorrows out in some of the kitchen's ice cream that she would snatch on her way back to the room. It wouldn't surprise me if she snatched a few bottles of wine too. I needed to let it all out.

Lissa walked beside Dimitri in the lawn towards the gate, where the car was waiting to go to the airport. Ever since she restored him as a Dhampir, he had looked at her as if she was his guardian angel. When he was locked up in temporary confinement the only person he ever wanted to see was Lissa. They became close, as one would imagine after restoring someone's soul. During that period of time I begged that the roles would be reversed. That instead of Lissa being Dimitri's number one choice it would be me.

"I think St. Basil's will be good for you. You can get a fresh start and maybe even find someone to guard again," said Lissa, adjusting her umbrella from the incoming sunlight.

Dimitri nodded silently, appearing as if he was deep in thought. "Thank you, Princess, for risking everything for me. You gave me another chance at life and there is no way I could ever make that up to you."

"I did it for Rose," she said softly, immediately sensing his dismissal of my name. They approached the car that was idling and waiting for Dimitri, with a few guardians surrounding it. "Dimitri, she still loves you, even though she won't admit it to me. Are you sure that there isn't any part of you that still loves her?"

Damn it, Lissa. Why were so insistent on bringing up that subject with him? I was starting to let it go and move on with my life, but her question sparked up a glimmer of hope that I still had.

He hesitated for a moment and I could tell that he was facing some sort of internal dilemma. Lissa couldn't pick up on that conflict, but I knew Dimitri well enough to know that he didn't know how to express his exact feelings. He cleared his throat and glanced at Guardian Steele, who was patiently waiting nearby. They knew Dimitri's goodbye to Lissa was important, especially since every guardian saw how Lissa was his "guardian angel".

"Rose will always have a special place in my heart, but I cannot love her again," He said softly. "I did terrible things to her and even though she can forgive me, I can't look at her and not be in pain for what I did to her. I think of every bite I gave her, when I -" He choked on his words and I could have sworn he was about to cry.

Lissa placed a hand on his arm, giving him a warm smile. "You will get through this pain and torture, Dimitri. I believe in you, Christian believes in you, and so does Rose. It might be hard to acknowledge what you did in your past, but I truly believe that you will be able to learn how to accept and forgive."

"Take care of her, Princess," said Dimitri, pulling Lissa into a warm hug. "I don't want anything to happen to her. She deserves so much more than me and I want her to be happy."

"I promise," said Lissa, leaking tears from her eyes. "Go find happiness as well, Dimitri. You deserve it too."

I pulled out of her head, noticing my tears streaming down my face. My stomach quenched in a knot, as I processed this conversation. I knew I needed to have one long cry about Dimitri, then I needed to be move on for good. He was right: we both deserved happiness. I thought me and him would find that happiness and love together, but life wanted something else to happen. The problems with him from the start was probably the universe's way of saying that it shouldn't happen, that would never work out in our favor. But I ignored the signs and just followed my heart. Apparently, that was a dumb ass mistake.

"A part of me will always love you, Comrade," I sighed, curling up into a ball. The tears continued to pour down my face and I started sobbing for about the hundredth time about Dimitri. I knew I was acting ridiculous and like an immature teenage girl, but I was experiencing my first real heartbreak for a man that I had done so much for. It sucked.

I barely heard Lissa come into the room, but I immediately smelled her perfume as she climbed into bed next to me. She wrapped her arms around me, holding me close. "I had a feeling you would be watching," said Lissa.

I didn't reply, but started wiping away my tears and sniveling. We stayed in that position for hours, with Lissa never growing tired of my complaints and emotions as I let them pour out. I used to always be afraid to be vulnerable around her, but I knew that in order to let go of a thing in your past sometimes you needed someone to listen.

Present Day:

"Lissa, I promise that I will push to be on the first safest flight out of here. No, I won't miss Christmas. Yes, I'm reading you through the bond," I said, trying to convey as much reassurance as possible. I hated the fear that I had instilled in her when I left her to hunt down Strigoi Dimitri, especially when I was the only family she had left.

I felt her tension ease slightly, but I could tell she was still unhappy about the situation. "Stay safe, Rose, and try not to bother Stan too much. Was he happy to see you?"

"He acted like it was no big deal, but I think it is safe to say that he desperately missed the fun Rose Hathaway brought into his life." I paused, with the urge to tell her that Dimitri was here at St. Vlad's. I used to keep a lot of secrets from Lissa, which I knew was unfair since she could never keep secrets from me. She had been hurt when I went almost a year without telling her about Dimitri and I being in love, so I knew I couldn't keep this one from her. After all, she was there for me after Dimitri was restored, she checked up on me every day to make sure I was healing from my broken heart. She deserved to know.

"What aren't you telling me, Rose? It is unlike you to stop short in conversation," questioned Lissa.

There was silence across the phone, as my mind came up with a way to present to her that Dimitri was here and that I was emotionally intact. "Well, I was kind of surprised when I arrived here actually. You see with the guardian rearrangements due to some recent losses, they have recruited guardians from around the world. To replace the few that were lost at St. Vlad's, they brought back one of the best."

"Dimitri," whispered Lissa instinctively, with a hint of protectiveness in her tone.

"Yep, he is back in full guardian mode. He even has some new trouble maker novice that he is mentoring here. Don't worry about me, Lissa. I'm doing okay with it and it will be easy to avoid him since St. Vlad's is so large."

"Have you talked to him in private yet?"

"Well if you call private me yelling at him on the grounds about how he is an asshole then . . ."

Lissa quickly cut me off. "Rose, what were you thinking? You promised me that you would be civil if your paths ever met again. Did he say something rude to you to set you off?"

I didn't respond.

"I'm guessing that is a no then," said Lissa, with disappointment in her voice.

"I wasn't planning on yelling at him for any bystanders to overhear. Just seeing him again and him begging me for friendship just set off a fuse that I couldn't subside. Liss, no it wasn't any extra darkness flooding into me. It was just your normal anger you would get seeing your ex. It also didn't mention that he is mentoring someone that resembles me, that kind of scream creep. Don't you think?"

I could sense Lissa rolling her eyes at me and I could easily picture her expression. "Yes, that is creepy I will admit. Although, you probably don't know the full story. I highly doubt he would have the audacity to seek out a Rose Hathaway wannabe."

"Yeah, well hopefully I don't have to see either one of them. I swear if I hear he has made one mood on her I will –" I paused, not quite sure knowing where I was going with this.

Lissa sighed. "Be civil, Rose. You are supposed to be the future Queen's guardian, so taking the high road is a must." She let out a small laugh and I rolled my eyes. "Anyways, I must get going. Christian and I are going to be having dinner with Tasha, who surprised us for the holidays. Text me as soon as you know when you will be back."

I promised her and hung up the phone, tossing it onto my bed. Dinner with Eddie had been great and I had even gotten a chance to pester Stan a little bit. Lucky for me, Dimitri was nowhere to be found at dinner so I didn't even have to deal with a potential situation. It felt great to be sitting around former teachers and not have to worry about my grades and training. Meredith was having a great time too, especially visiting some of her younger friends that were behind us. Part of me felt like it was old times; it was a great feeling.

Throwing on my heavier winter coat, I grabbed my guest room key and headed out of the guardian building. I knew it wasn't wise to be stepping outside when a snow storm was approaching, but I knew I craved the fresh, crisp Montana winter air. The average person would hate the snow and cold air, but something about it was invigorating to me. It gave me a sense of life and home, considering my entire life had been spent at the Academy.

Snow was falling heavily and I could barely make out the main campus building in the distance. The cold arctic wind blew across my face, that seemed to freeze me in time. My thoughts were drifted off to the memories of Mason and I running around during the middle of a huge snowstorm freshmen year . . . the innocence we had as we were starting our heavier training to become guardians. I remembered we both were exhausted from one of our training classes and just wanted to have a fun escape.

Mason. Oh, I missed him every day that passed. He was always in love with me, but I could never see him more than a brother. We grew up together and wanted to be close to each other when we were assigned our guardian positions. I wondered if he would be proud of me and everything that I had accomplished these past few years. I hoped that he was at peace.

"Rose, what are you doing outside in the middle of storm?" said Dimitri, approaching me in the storm. He wasn't as bundled up as you would expect, considering he was from Siberia. To him, this weather was absolutely nothing.

"I don't see how this affects you, Guardian Belikov," I retorted. "How about you stop stalking me and leave me alone?"

He groaned and stared at me with his eyes narrowing. "Is this how every conversation is going to be? The immaturity you showed earlier was embarrassing to yourself. You're supposed to be a guardian."

I scoffed. "I'm nineteen going on twenty, in case you haven't forgotten. Still have plenty of time to fully mature. And yes, I am a guardian, but that doesn't mean that I have to be like you and constantly shut off my feelings."

"I don't shut off my feelings, but I can hide them. Maybe that is a concept you should incorporate into your daily life" He replied, with his Russian accent becoming thicker as his voice rose.

"I have a right to be angry for what you did," I snapped. "You never gave me the chance after you turned back. You refused to see me when you were locked up, when I just desperately wanted to hear your voice. I knew it would take time and patience for you to get back to you and I was willing to wait until we would try again with a relationship."

He shook his head. "I told you I didn't love you anymore, Rose. What part are you incapable of understanding?"

"The part where you didn't even fucking try!" I shouted.

At this point in time we were angrily yelling at each other. If the storm wasn't so noisy, I'm sure the entire guardian building would be hearing our argument, the second one today. The tension of the conversation radiated off of us and I knew it would be going nowhere. Remembering Lissa's words to me on the phone, I took a deep breathe letting any anger subside. Brushing a few snowflakes that had adhered to me face, I turned to face him directly.

Taking a deep breathe, I closed my eyes. "Let's just forget about this, this conversation isn't going anywhere. I don't want to spend my time and energy arguing with you."

"Lissa told you to take the high road," He said, with his voice calming down. I absolutely hated how he still knew me so well.

I gave him once last glance, before turning around to walk back to my room. So much for a relaxing time outside. "Have a good rest of your night, Guardian Belikov," I stated. "If I don't see you again, I hope you continue doing well."

I felt a warm gloved hand, grab ahold of my hand, as I was reaching towards the door handle. Not fighting his grasp, I turned around to face him again. My eyes pleadingly looked at him to let go so I could return my bedroom, but it didn't look like he would let go anytime soon. Snow fell between us and I could see the snowflakes sticking to his hair. Even after everything that had happened the past two years, my body still was sensitive to his touch.

"Why won't you let me go?" I spat angrily. "Are you asking to be hit?"

"I just want to ask you one thing, Rose," He said with the softness to his tone that I used to always hear. "Are you finally happy?"

Slightly shocked at his question, I broke his eye contact. Thoughts raced through my head, wondering if he had another ultimatum when he asked me this question. I thought back to when Lissa last saw him before he departed. His last wish for me was for me to be happy; maybe he still genuinely cared at me.

Clearing my throat, I remade eye contact with his deep brown eyes. "Yes, I am happy. Are you?" My anger had temporarily subsided and I felt a sense of calm throughout me again.

"Yes," He said, gently releasing his light grip from my arm.

We continued staring at each other, ignoring the fact that we were standing in the middle of an incoming snow storm. I felt tears brimming in my eyes, which I immediately pushed away by breaking eye contact with you. I thought of all of the things I wanted to say to him, but I was frozen in his gaze.

"We better get inside," Dimitri whispered. I silently agreed and we quickly stepped inside, not exchanging anymore words towards each other.

As we approached the corridors down to the various rooms, I stopped at my door and pulled out my key from my coat pocket. Expecting Dimitri to continue walking to his room, he paused at my door. I gave him a curious look, as I unlocked my room door, wondering what he was expecting out of this. "Can I help you with something, comrade?" I said, instantly regretting myself for slipping out his old nickname.

He stepped closer to me, with a conflicted expression across his face. The awkwardness was heating up and I was fighting the urge to run into my room to escape. Dimitri looked me in the eyes and then I could see his eyes wander to my hair. It was shorter than what it used to be, not like pixie cut short, but chopped to my shoulders. "Your hair, I told you to never cut it," He murmured, loud enough so I could hear.

Abruptly, he turned around and started walking quickly down the hallway, before I could even respond to him. Leaving me filled with mixed emotions of anger, hurt, and confusion.

Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Thank you for the support and love. Still wondering about Hans Croft? You will learn more about him the next chapter and why he is important.

Chapter 5 Preview:

"Adrian, we need to discuss a few things," I said quietly, not wanting to make direct eye contact with him, but forcing myself to anyways. His green eyes were staring directly into my brown ones, with a glimpse of worry.

"I think I know where this is going," He said, with a slight hint of anger in his face. His brows furrowed together, as he broke eye contact with me. He intently looked at the floor, fiddling with his hands.

Shit, this wasn't going to be easy.