-bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow-

I AM SO SORRY I KEEP UPDATING THESE SUPER LATE D8. I have, not only a full time job, but have just been hired as a graphic artist for WebFlow, and just got a new website for my pirate comic. Not to mention that I'm no where near where I should have been on my second novel. Please be patient! I want to write these just as much as all of you want to read them!

Twelve: Loose Ends

It had been a week since returning to civilization. A week since she came back to the open arms of her friends and family. A week since she had smelled the sweet scent of fresh air, and let the warmth of the sun wash over her body. Her life had sprung a new light that she thought had long since snubbed out by Alec's barbarism. Yet it sparked every time she saw a familiar face, and felt those lips of hers turn up into a smile. There were times when she even forgot about the ultimate goal of this month. Times when she forgot that very soon, she would have to die. But there were other times where she could do nothing but think of what was to come. Her body made sure of that. If she wasn't waking from nightmares, she was vomiting or craving raw meats. The very scent of bloody flesh made her taste buds grow crazy with need, though thankfully she had learn to restrain it for the most part. But ultimately, whenever she was with her friends, or watching a movie with her father, she felt a sense of peace within her.

Yes, it had been a week. An entire week had passed, and she had not seen nor heard from Jacob Black.

At first, it puzzled her why he would not show up to her doorstep. Why wouldn't her best friend return to her after hearing the news that she was back? But then, after giving it a little thought, she realized that there was no need for him to check and make sure that she was alive. With the way the Blacks and the Cullens were intertwined, it was very probable that Jacob had been told what had happened from the very start. Her heart clenched when she pondered what he knew and how he was dealing with it. Which is why, while the rest of the town went about their business on a usual, Sunday afternoon, Bella found herself sitting in her beloved truck, staring at the front door of the Black home in La Push.

Her throat was dry as she mulled over what it was she wanted to say. None of this was her fault, of course. She wasn't about to apologize for being raped. But the visit between the two of them couldn't avoid the awkward tenseness that it was bound to have. The main reason, as far as Bella could fathom, was that Jacob, like Edward, blamed himself for her tragedy. She knew that he would. They had been best friends for years. She knew this was how he would think. Her head rested on the rim of the wheel, her eyes staring at her upturned feet below. She almost didn't want to see Jacob today, and for a selfish reason, no less. If she walked into that door, and saw Jacob again - in what could very well be the last time as the girl he knew and loved - she knew that the pain would be almost too much for her to bare.

What would he do? Would he try to convince her to have the thing there, on the reservation? Would he try to find another way to get rid of it? Or did he even know? Surely Billy must have known, but would he be so callous or honest that he would tell his son? Who knew if Jacob still had those feelings for her? The memories were so fresh, they left her wounded just thinking of them. Back in high school, Jacob revealed his feelings for the girl, even taking her to prom, despite the fact that he was a year younger. Remembering the pain in his eyes when he saw her dancing with Edward… She felt like a fool. She loved Jacob dearly, and yet she could not think of him as anything more than a brother, despite their history. Still, there was some part deep inside of her that wishes she had loved Jacob over Edward. She began to imagine what a life with him might have been like, and his family. Thanksgivings would be too out of control to handle, but filled with warmth and love. Their fathers had probably already planned for them to fall in love the minute the two laid eyes on each other. Though Jacob was already quite filled, she imagined him as a man, and her, a proud woman beside him. What a handsome husband he'd make, if he did decide to marry. Bella flinched at the thought and lifted her head back up to look at the door. She couldn't do that. It wouldn't be fair to either parties involved, not to mention the potential wife in Jacob's future. No… This was the right choice. To drag Jacob into her twisted world now would be unimaginable. She would probably see him again, being with the Cullens. But things wouldn't be the same. There would be no care in his eyes when he looked upon her, no tenderness in his voice when he spoke her name. Those warm hands would never take hold of hers the same way again. She flexed her fingers, imagining dead flesh on bone. A man like Jacob didn't deserve a walking corpse as a bride. He was too bold, too full of life. Bella didn't deserve a man like him.

Taking one last breath, she got out of the truck and walked up to the Black's estate. Her heart thudded in her throat, and her eyes watered, but she kept her composure. She couldn't show him a teary face. She knocked on the door and waited. A few voices were heard, followed by the squeak of a wheelchair, and the heavy step of a man. After a moment more, the door cracked open. Jacob's face sat behind it. He didn't seem surprised to see her there.

"Hey," he said. She nodded, unable to speak after a moment. His hair was tangled, as though he had just rolled out of bed. However, his eyes were heavily shadowed, as though he hadn't slept at all. After glancing behind him, Jacob stepped out onto the porch, closing the door on his way out. His clothes were disheveled and his nails had dirt beneath them. Perhaps he had been running, transformed, to work off steam? He and Bella stood in front of one another, silent, countless thoughts running through their mind. Jacob casually put his hands into his pockets, turning his eyes away. A whole minute passed before a word other than "hey" was uttered. "Are you doing ok?" Jacob turned his eyes back up to Bella. The worry and gentleness behind them caught her off guard, bringing her all the closer to collapsing. But she remained firm.

"Fine," she said softly. Softer than she meant to. "I'm still alive…"

"Are you?" That question stung her, and she gripped the edge of her shirt tightly. Instantly, he seemed to regret it, though he didn't voice his apology. With a pained face, he reached out with unsure hands and brought her into a hug. It was off-setting at first, but it soon melted into that familiar embrace Bella had grown to love her entire life. Her eyes closed and she took in that rustic smell of his. Would this be the last time she could smell him like this? "I was so worried," came his voice. It rumbled from the pit of his chest, those muscles around her tightening. "Bella, when I heard about what happened… Oh God… I just about snapped."

The girl could do nothing but stand there, soaking it all in. So he did know what had happened. The full story? With the way he trembled, Bella could only assume yes. They pulled away just a bit before his big, warm hands cupped her face. To Bella's immense surprise, it had been he who succumbed to tears before she. Leaning inward, he brought her into a kiss that took her even further aback, her eyes widened slightly and her hands still up against his chest. When they broke apart, Jacob put their foreheads together. "I might never do that again," he mumbled, his eyes still closed. Though she knew that it was wrong and selfish of her to want to keep him like this, her arms wrapped around his broad chest and she gripped the back of his shirt.

"I don't want that to be the last time," she whimpered, her own eyes closing. She didn't want any of this to be the last of anything. She didn't want to taste her last meal. She didn't want to sleep her last night in her bed. Even though her feelings for the shifter were platonic, she didn't want that to be the last kiss they ever shared, either. But they both knew that once she left her human life behind, it might as well come to that. Her breath started to come in rushed chunks, her hands gripping tighter at his shirt. Out of nowhere, a thrill of fright came to her, and her legs became weak and shook horribly. It seemed so real now… the fact that she would have to die so soon.

Suddenly, her lips were taken hold of again. She kissed back this time, as though this kiss would be the one thread of memory she could keep with her when she transformed. As though if they ended their kiss, and they left each other for the day, everything would crumble, and the remaining three weeks of freedom would vanish. Soon, their bodies were flushed up against each other, their hearts slamming into one another's chest. Finally, however, their lips did part, and they were left, in each other's arms, both shaking and both crying. She would have reminded Jacob that there was still time to be together. That there were still days before she had to go away forever. But that wouldn't have helped the situation in the slightest. They both knew that a few days was not going to erase or make better the reality of this situation. In fact, they both shared the knowledge that the longer they were by each other's side, the harder it would be for her to leave.

Bella buried her face into his neck, that long, black hair falling against her head and face. She wanted to vanish in the folds of that soft, tawny skin. It felt safe there. Something she hadn't felt in a long, long time. "I'm sorry," she suddenly croaked. "I'm sorry I can't be your lover. I'm sorry I can't even really be your friend…" He silenced her with another kiss. Softer this time. Without saying a word, he told her not to be. His fingers combed through her frizzy hair, his eyelashes having clumped together from tears. After the kissing was over, they some how ended up together on the porch swing. A wave of déjà vu overcame her.

Had it been so long ago that she was a normal girl, living in Phoenix with her mother? Had it really been years that she wasn't even aware that the monsters in the closet were real? Sitting on the swing, with Jacob's arms wrapped around her, she was reminded most vividly of one of the last days she spent with her boyfriend Chris, watching as the sunset spread over the desert land. She loved Edward with all her heart, but she would give anything to have those days back. Those days of innocent youth, where all she worried over was how she would fit in at her new school. Where all that was there to cry over was the typical heartbreak of a young teen girl. If she could, she would flip a switch and get that life back in a heartbeat.

The swing chains creaked as they slowly moved back and forth. The rocking of the seat caused her eyelids to slowly drift closed. Suddenly switching from sleeping in the day time to sleeping at night left her far beyond jetlagged, and weighed heavily on her nerves for the past week. So, as the serine world around her let her breathe and take a break, her head grew heavy, and she fell fast asleep in the arms of her beloved best friend.

Bella is a sad panda. Again, I am so sorry for not updating like I should. Ugh, I've been so exhausted! I hope this is enough to tide you over for now.

~T.