Well... hm... What excuse do I have now? To make a long story short, I put up a website for my comic, went to Y-Con, got a full time job, celebrated a 6th month anniversary, and got taken over by ponies. Fuckin ponies.

Actually, to be honest, my thrill for writing these re-writes is starting to wane, as hard as it is to say. When I first started these, I had this burning desire to fix them in my own, small way. Now that I don't care as much... it's not as big of a priority anymore. But I won't stop until this is finished. I've come to far to give up. So forgive me if I'm slow, but I swear I'll finish.

Edit: Well this is rare. I started writing this chapter like, a month ago, and for some reason never finished o0 But I'm finishing now...

Fourteen: For Good

One would never expect to be a guest to one's own funeral. It was, at the very least, an interesting proposal, but perhaps never taken seriously. Sometimes it was thought of in jest. "Being late to your own funeral" and that sort of thing. And yet there Bella was, high above the Forks' cemetery in one of the pine trees, held sweetly by the vampire behind her. Her thick coat kept her warm in his cold arms as she watched the scene below. It was a dreary day for her funeral. Bella had hoped that it might have been sunny. The overcast clouds and light sprinkles were far too much of a cliché. Her heavy head rolled itself onto Edward's shoulder. In a gesture of understanding, Edward sweetly pet her hair. It did little to comfort her.

The party was bigger than she'd expected. Her parents and Phil were there. Her mother couldn't stop her on and off weeping. Bella wished she wouldn't. She shouldn't be mourned for this way. It wasn't right. It hurt to see her mother shake and cry into a tissue. But Bella forced herself to watch. This was her own punishment for a crime she did not commit. Her father barely moved. His eyes were plastered to a large, school photo Bella had taken in her sophomore year in high school. She hated that picture. Yet no one dared not look at it. Her closest friends were there as well, along with people from school whom Bella didn't even recognize. Teachers also paid tribute, some of the strangers holding candles in Bella's honor. No doubt her freak accident caused waves back in school. It wasn't every day that a student was drowned in the river, after all. Bella noticed, with a sinking stomach, that only Billy Black was present. Jacob had not shown.

Finally, the preacher paused in his sermon to let certain attendees present their eulogies. First her father, his legs stiff and his face blank, stepped up to speak. By the way he moved, he could barely get the words from his mouth. He was never good at public speaking. But Bella doubted that was the case here. Seeing Charlie fumble and shake as he stood, her resolve began to waver. Edward gently kissed her cheek.

"We don't have to be here," he said kindly. "I know this is killing you..."

Bitterness rose in her throat. "No," she said pointedly. "No... this isn't killing me, Edward." A silence sat between them before Bella's sharpness softened. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be snappish."

"You have no need to apologize." He laced their fingers together. Though he was wearing gloves, Bella could feel that cold hand of his that she held. "I can only imagine what this is like for you."

Her body relaxed against his hold as she recalled his own life story. "It must have been worse for you." Edward shifted behind her. "You saw your parents die right in front of you."

This was true. Just before Carlisle found Edward, a vampire had attacked he and his family, killing his parents almost instantly. After Carlisle saved him, Edward's past experience weighed on his conscience for two decades before really coming to terms with what had happened. Edward still had no idea who it was that killed his mother and father. His forehead pressed up against her hair.

"What happened happened," he said softly. "There's not much I can do about it now. So I try not to dwell on it..." His words died in his throat. How could Bella not dwell on it? Not dwell on the child of the vampire who raped her? Not dwell on the fact that in order to save her own life, she would have to give it up intentionally? It would be a very hard thing not to dwell on indeed. Sensing her thoughts, Edward's hand slithered into her jacket and laid itself against her stomach. Over the past five months, she had grown quite a bit.

Five months. It had been five months since she left Forks. She had been pregnant for six and a half, according to Carslile. It took just five months for her family and friends to give up hope finding her. Some may have considered this to be a lack of will and love in the ones they left behind. To Bella, it was a relief. She didn't want to see her father drag himself through years and years of torment trying to find his daughter. One of those fathers who insisted that she was alive. If they hadn't set things up the way they did, he might have.

"Hey." Edward's voice brought her into reality. "Look at me." She hesitated before lifting her head to his. His thumb ran along her jaw. "I'm going to take care of you, yeah?" Their noses were pressed together. "I know it's not ideal but... I'm going to make sure that you and... and that baby have the best life imaginable."

A jaded smile came to her lips. "Unlife, you mean."

Edward took on a hurt look. He was really trying. In the beginning, he had blamed himself so much for letting what happened happen. Now, faced with nothing left to do or act upon, Edward resolved to make up for it by being at Bella's beck and call out of sheer guilt. She threaded her fingers through his hair and brought him in for a kiss, letting it linger for some time. Then, she pulled apart. "Thank you," she said softly. "Thank you, Edward." A muscle in his jaw twitched and he held her tighter. The poor boy. He cared for her so dearly. Bella wished that she could return the favor... somehow.

A surge of pain suddenly took ahold of her and she whimpered. She probably would have fallen off the tree, had Edward not braced her against him. He let her squeeze his hand as tight as she needed, his lips flat against her temple. As the pregnancy went on, the sharp pains she experienced got worse and worse. This was not a typical kicking fetus. This was her body slowly being eaten away by the demon inside her. The way Carlisle explained it, in order to feed itself, it was feeding off of the flesh around the wound. Typically, a normal genetic vampire mother would be able to resuscitate her missing walls and blood. But Bella, being a human, had no means of doing so. Hence why she needed to become a vampire in order to survive the birth.

Finally, the pain subsided, leaving Bella tired and weary. She fell limp in his arms as he cradled her close. It was all he could do to ease her. Her eyes, on their own accord opened and drifted once more to the funeral. Jessica was speaking now. She couldn't seem to get a word in without crying. With a sigh, Bella cradled her head beneath Edward's chin, letting her body relax.

"We should go," came Edward's low voice. Bella said nothing – neither for nor against the idea. But just as they were about to leave the tree, Edward hesitated and tilted his head down. Bella's eyes followed. Lowering themselves to the ground below, she saw someone and her heart leapt. It could be no one else. That shiny black hair belonged only to one other person, along with that tawny skin and strong arms. Jacob had stopped at the base of their tree, his hand resting along the bark. Bella wanted to call to him, but knew that her voice would be heard. Her hand tightened on Edward's arm. Inside, she knew, she knew that Jacob knew that they were there. He could smell them. That was why he had stopped at that very tree.

Look up, she pleaded in her head. Look up, Jacob. At least look at me... Please... But Jacob remained still. Perhaps he was debating it. Perhaps he was even tempted. But as his nails dug deep into the tree bark, Bella knew it was a lost cause. He remained very still for a moment more before leaving only a claw mark behind. Bella swore to herself that she wouldn't cry. Now, however, she was starting to reconsider. Miserably, she finally tore herself from looking at the scene and wiped her face roughly with the back of her sleeves.

"Ok," she hushed. "Ok. Let's get out of here." Edward didn't need to be told twice. Cradling her in his arms (she could no longer sit on his back for obvious reasons), Edward leapt swiftly from the branch and made his way through the forest. Bella could remember a time when his running would unnerve and frighten her. Now, there was a strange peace that Bella found within his sprints. The world and wind moved so fast around her, she supposed on some philosophical level, she was not moving at all. It was strange to think about, but she had done a lot of thinking in the past few months.

Arriving at the Cullen's home, Jasper waited for them on the porch. As he swung, he let his bare feet just lightly touch the ground below, his thin hands fiddling with a doll he was whittling from wood. An old fashion pocket knife flashed beneath his skilled fingers as he made precise, quick cuts along the wooden girl. Bella could remember him telling about this skill of his. When he was a young man – a slave raised in the South – Jasper had very little to keep him happy. It was his grandfather that introduced him to woodwork. He took to it like a natural, and had been making little wooden toys ever since. His room was full of them. All shapes and sizes, too. Of course, being the shy boy that he was, he never might have shared this with Bella had he not liked her so much. His golden eyes lifted as the two of them settled on the porch, Edward putting Bella to her feet. The grayed out black boy stood and smiled, his doll in one hand, his knife in the other.

"Jasper, have you been up all day?" Edward's voice took on a big brother-ish tone. Funny that he was technically younger. "You know you need rest."

"I couldn't sleep," he admitted, the three of them heading inside. Jasper cautiously looked up to his soon to be sister-in-law. "And how's you, Miss Bella? Feelin' all right?"

She mustered up a kind smile, one hand on the top of her stomach. "Doing ok, thank you, Jasper. Is everyone else asleep?"

"Yessum."

"All right... well we best not wake anyone else up."

"You sure? Mr. Carlisle would want ta know ye're back."

"I'll tell him myself," Edward suggested. "You go escort Bella to bed. Are you hungry?" Now he addressed her.

"A little," she admitted. "What do we have still?"

"There's that left over lamb in the ice box. You want me to cook it?"

"No... leave it raw."

"Right..."

This was typical for them now. Just a normal day in the Cullen household. It had taken a little while to get to that point in time. At first, no one was really sure how to act around Bella. Everyone there handled her with such kid gloves, it nearly drove her crazy. But as the days rolled on, Bella found herself being molded more and more into the family. After all... that's what they were now, right? In a way, this strange new life was comforting to her. Even though there was the ever-present looming cloud over their heads, the family unit facade was enough to distract her.

Emmett playing the charming big brother, and Rosalie, the ever worrisome big sister-in-law. Jasper, who followed her about like an eager, young sibling, and Esme, the sweet faced and gentle hearted mother. Then there was Carlisle, the stern and firm handed father, and Alice the... strange cousin who may or may not have dead bodies somewhere in her closet. And of course, there was Edward. Perhaps it was her mind playing tricks, but he was starting to feel less like a boyfriend and more like a husband. Maybe that was because boyfriends were fickle and weak willed and frightened. Boyfriends were children who wanted to play house, until they got bored and decided to go with doctor instead. Boyfriends took girlfriends out on dates, did a bit of a mating dance by spending more than they should, all in hopes of getting to third base. Husbands, on the other hand, were much studier creatures. At least they should be. For better or for worse. In sickness and in health. Well Bella sure as hell wasn't healthy. And this clearly wasn't her better days. Only someone who really and truly cared would stick around for this.

When Edward split off down the hallway, Jasper and Bella headed upstairs towards her and Edward's room. After moving back, Bella didn't want to stay in that cold, empty guest bed. And of course, no one – not even the conservative Rosalie – said a word against it. And so, a bigger bed was made for them and Bella got herself as comfortable as possible. Whenever they had a quiet night together, they would curl up in bed and listen to some of Edward's old records. They must have heard them all by now. Bella had come to live without a computer. It wasn't easy, but she managed. Her lack of a phone was even harder to cope with, but she managed that too. By the end of the first three straight months, she didn't even miss TV. There were books to read if she wanted them, music to listen to and things to help with around the house. It wasn't exciting, and it wasn't glamorous. It just was.

Lighting a candle by their vanity, Bella settled herself into bed. She had once more gotten used to their nocturnal schedule. "What are you making there?" she asked before he could leave.

Jasper shrugged, looking at his creation in the dim, flickering light. "Dunno... Just a girl."

"No body in mind?"

Jasper shied away, his feet shuffling a tad. "Well... I've already made you a coupla times, Miss Bella." She smiled at that. Jasper was the sweetest boy she'd ever met. And it didn't fade with time. "O'course, I've made everyone so far. You, Mr. Carlisle, Edward, Emmett, Miss Rosalie, Ms. Esmee, Miss Alice..."

"Hm..." She stared at the doll for a moment at his tools. A strange, dark impulse came into her mind. "Can I try for a bit?" Jasper tilted his head to the side only slightly before handing her his knife and doll without question. It was heavier than she imagined. Probably thick pine or redwood. Lord knew there was enough of it out here. Bella carved a few bits off her shoulder, watching the way it shaped it.

"Jasper?" Both looked up to see Edward poke his head inside. "Do you know where that lamb went? It should be in the ice box."

"Ah..." He tapped his bottom lip before nodding. "Sure... just... I'll find it." Turning, he lead Edward from the room. Bella could hear their feet move at a regular pace down towards the bottom floor. She waited, almost as if to make sure they were gone. Setting the block of wood aside, Bella sat up and stared at her reflection in the knife.

That funeral left her with a terrible, hallow feeling. Almost as though she had no right to be breathing while so many loved ones mourned. How dare she be alive as her empty coffin was put under the earth? On top of this feeling of worthlessness, Bella once more felt those sharp pains as that baby took yet another bite from the inner walls of her uterus. With a whimper, she curled forward and clutched her stomach. God, this was too much. Her face tensed and she waited it out. It was longer than usual. The more that child grew, the more and more it ate. She'd probably be thinner than Alice by the time she had this baby. She heard once that after you became a vampire, your body froze, in a sense. Would hers freeze in a perpetual state of pain?

She couldn't bare the thought. In fact, the more and more she did think about it, the more and more she began to panic. She couldn't stand the idea of living in a constant state of woe and agony. It was already worse than anything she had ever felt. Imagine if it would be until the end of time? Her hands shook as she clutched the whittling knife so tight her knuckles lost color. She wouldn't let that happen to her. She couldn't.

With a might thrust, she jutted the knife into her stomach. White hot pain shot through her entire body and she gasped, falling to her knees. If she could kill that baby... if she could kill it... she could go back to the way things were, and just forget about all that's happened. Yes... yes, what an idea! Why didn't she think of it! She felt like laughing and crying at the same time. When her hand went up to wipe her face, she saw the red oil of her blood stare back at her.

"Oh... BELLA! Oh God!" The sound of Edward's voice drew her back to reality and made her burst into tears. No, no! If he saved her – if he pulled her back from this madness – she could never return to her old life! She was so close to ending it, so close! Edward rushed to her and put an old shirt up to her wound. She only sobbed harder, giving no reason to her actions.

They were like that until all in the house were alerted by her cries.

All right... enough of this madness. Time to watch American Horror Story.

~T.