...Yeah. At this point I'm just doing this to finish. But I swore that I would, so I will! Plus, we haven't even gotten to the exciting stuff yet.

Fifteen: Death's Lullaby

"And how has your sleep been?"

"All right some nights. Others... not so much, I guess."

"Any dreams?"

"No good ones."

"And how are your impulses?"

Bella hesitated, staring at Carlisle from across the room. In all truth, he could have just read Bella's mind and gotten the answers he needed. In fact, he probably already had. But he insisted that talk-therapy was what Bella needed if she was going to have a somewhat healthy transition. After two and a half long months of talking things out, Bella didn't know if it helped or not. At least she hadn't tried to kill herself since then. Though she doubted if the Cullens would ever leave a sharp object with her again. Currently, she and the doctor sat in his office, the sounds muted around them. The thick oak doors were shut, giving them privacy to speak. However, Bella could bet that an ear had been placed at that door once or twice while she was in here. After the attempt on her own life, Carlisle had started this regiment once a night. Now, with the birth so close in sight, Carlisle had her speak to him sometimes twice or three times a night.

"Bella?" Carlisle's voice got her back to reality. "Your thoughts wandered."

She shifted, still not used to that little aspect of their therapy. Knowing when she got off track. "Sorry."

"No need to be. Just relax." Bella let out a long breath, loosening her muscles. "I know this must be a very tense day for you. With the way your body has been acting, the baby should be here any day now." Her breath caught in her throat for a moment before she let it back out. "Have you and Edward discussed it yet?"

Bella took her time in answering. "I guess you can say that."

"How so?"

A sigh escaped her lips. "We both knew that it was coming. Like you said. I can't live without dying first, right?"

Carlisle gave her a gentle smile. "Yes," he agreed. "But have you spoken to him about when?"

Subconsciously, Bella's hand went to her stomach. It was the only part of her that was full these days. Everything else was like skin vacuum wrapped around bone. Her face no longer held those plump, warm cheeks or the little pudge beneath her arms. It was all skin and bone around that tight, round stomach of hers. She could almost count every bone in her fingers. "I don't think he needs to be told when," she said quietly. "He knows, Carlisle."

Dr. Cullen gave a short nod. "Yes... He would." Edward would know. Today was the day. With the clock ticking each hour that got them closer to birth, they knew that to wait any longer was to wager Bella's life. Today would be the day that Bella died. "Has he mentioned anything to you yet? Say when you woke up?" Bella shook her head.

"He's been quiet. I don't think he has to say anything though. Neither of us do."

Carlisle set his notebook down, rubbing the bridge of his nose out of habit. "So then," he continued. "You've successfully changed your sleep patterns. So that won't be an issue for you after you turn. It's surprisingly common among newborns."

"Is that what I'm going to be?"

"That's our name for it, yes. And based on your diet for the past few months, you shouldn't have any trouble making the transition to animal blood. Though this is the hardest thing to do, especially for someone so young. When you're born, the thirst for human blood is great enough to go mad over. A very select few have the will power to make the permanent change."

"Why is that?" It occurred to Bella that she had never asked this before.

Carlisle's smile returned. "Simple biology. As you know, blood cannot stay in our veins for long. A heart which cannot pump allows the still blood to become stale. In our case, it withers and dries. Like evaporating water. The easiest and most satisfying replenishment is human blood. After all, we were all human once. It's only natural." His smile became grim. "If you can call us natural, anyway."

Bella shrugged. "It's natural enough for me. But I guess that's not a good thing, is it?"

"No, I don't suppose so." He laced his fingers together and laid them on his thigh. "And how are you emotionally? Are you scared, perhaps? Nervous?"

Bella shrugged. "After these last couple of years, there's not a lot that can scare me anymore." It was sad how much of that statement was true.

"And," Carlisle continued, "have you thought of a name?"

What a normal question. So normal, in fact, that it took Bella aback. A name? That was something mothers thought about. Something wives and expecting women thought about. Not something Bella thought about. It made her stop in her own thoughts, realizing the strange distinction she made between herself and those who wanted children. Never – not once – in her pregnancy did Bella actually think of the thing inside her as a child. Maybe it was her perpetual pain, or maybe it was the fact that she was raped. When she was younger, sure she thought about starting a family. But in that vision, Bella was married with a job and a life. This was... No, she couldn't think of this thing as a child.

Or she didn't, anyway. Starting very soon, she would have no choice.

"So then?" Again, Carlisle's voice filled the room. "Have you thought of a name? Perhaps discussed it with Edward? He will act as the father, yes?"

Now that was something. Picturing Edward as a father. Bella got a strange vision of Edward playing catch with a faceless, laughing child. Or teaching them how to ride a bicycle, or sending them to a time-out after stealing a cookie. That, she supposed, gave her a little warmth towards this birth.

"No," she admitted. "I haven't. But... I'll talk it over with him. Maybe tonight." A small, sudden spark of happiness suddenly popped into her chest. It was miniscule and vulnerable. One gust of wind and it could be blown cold by sadness. For now, however, it remained there, gently pulsating like a strong-willed little ember. "Before we go to bed, I'll talk to him."

"That's good," said Carlisle. "Edward will make a fine father."

That teeny, tiny spark of happiness got just a little bit brighter. "Yes," she agreed. "He will."

A knock caught Bella off guard. Carlisle, she supposed, wasn't. Turning his head, he called: "We're almost through. Can you wait a moment?" A shuffling was heard outside. Sighing, Carlisle turned to Bella. "It's Edward. He wanted to speak with you." Carlisle paused before turning his eyes back to the door. "Oh for goodness sake, Edward, don't be so dour. Of course Bella wants to talk to you. Come in if you're going to mope so loudly." She couldn't help the small smile on her face as the door opened.

Carefully, Edward pried the door open and shuffled inside. "Hi," he said with a slight nod.

"Hey," Bella replied.

"How's the session going?"

"Incredibly well," said Carlisle. "We've been making great progress."

"Oh..." He shifted uncomfortably. "I guess I'm sorry I interrupted."

"Don't be," Carlisle said, matter-of-factly. "You're the progress." Standing, Dr. Cullen picked up his books and pushed them under his arms. "I think that should do it for tonight, Bella. I'll leave you two to talk." Shifting his eyes to his son, the head vampire left the two lovers alone. Edward took a moment before sitting beside Bella and taking her hand.

"I thought the others were hunting tonight?"

Edward shrugged. "I'm... not very hungry." An awkward moment past. Of course he wouldn't hunt tonight. He would be getting food somewhere else. A cold finger brushed past her cheek and a sad look came to his gaze. "Bella... I'm so sorry it had to come to this."

"This isn't your fault, Edward." Leaning in, she pressed their foreheads together. "You're not the reason this happened. So... stop dwelling on it already."

His eyes closed and his brow knotted tightly. "I just wish that you could have been happy."

Bella felt a strange jerk to her stomach. One that fanned that little kernel of light to a brighter, glowing coal. "Edward... Look at me." He shifted his eyes to hers. "What happened was terrible. But there's nothing we can do now but just try to hope for the best in the future. Don't you think?"

"But if I was just there I – "

Bella silenced him with a kiss. They were still as their lips connected. The life she had wanted before was gone. It was time to accept that. It was also time to make the best out of what she had. What she had was an eternity with a man who loved her. When they broke it, Bella stood and brought Edward with her. His gaze shifted to her unborn child, and he let his hand hover. Covering his hand, she pressed it to her stomach. "It's all right. You can feel." They both felt a little nudge against her wall and Bella gave a little smile. The pains had gone away recently. The way Carlisle figured it, the baby had reached its growing limit, and would not need nourishment until it was out of the womb.

"Come on," she said softly. "Let's go." Taking his hand, the two left Carlisle's office and made their way to Edward's room. The house was silent. It was true, everyone was out this night, hunting for the week. Bella had a feeling that they had chosen this particular night for a reason. Their footsteps made the floors beneath them moan slightly with every shift in weight. Her eyes, far more used to the dark now, easily found the open door to Edward's room, and the two headed inside.

As Bella made herself comfortable on the bed, Edward lit a few candles and got the room ready. Their room, Bella should say. In preparation for the birth, Edward had cleared out a good section of his beloved records to make room for a crib and baby blankets. The mattress that once sat on the corner of the floorboards was now elevated by a proper wood frame. Bella's clothes now shared Edward's closet space, and a small wardrobe was sanctioned off for baby clothes. Up until now, it hadn't felt real.

The bed fell slightly as Edward sat beside her. Raising his arms, he encased her in a secure hug. His chin sat atop her head and they remained there for a while longer, listening to the gentle popping of the wax candles. But, not being able to hold off for much longer, Bella removed herself from Edward and faced him. She was ready. Nine months of preparing and going through her own personal Hell, and she was ready.

"Will it hurt?" It felt like an automatic question.

Edward smiled meekly. "Yes," he said, his voice honest. "But only for a little bit. Then it all goes numb."

Bella nodded. She hadn't expected him to say "no." "All right," she said. "I'm ready." They took each other's hands and Edward gave her one last, final kiss. Laying her down, he placed his lips along her face, and then against her jaw, and finally on her neck. Bella was nervous. A little scared, actually. But as his hand clasped hers, she knew that she was in the arms of a loved one. And so, with her blood offered to him, those two twin teeth pierced her skin, and they reached the point of no return.

It didn't hurt that much at first. Bella had been bitten before, and for a while, it didn't seem like anything special. But then, slowly, dizziness set over her. The longer Edward went, the more lightheaded she became. Her body began to twitch and her vision doubled. Her heartbeat, jumping in a strange arrhythmia, started pounding in her head. She could hear her breathing increase with each inhale, which was becoming more and more difficult. Soon, her entire body was shuddering as the life was literally being sucked from her body. She began to whimper, but did not push him away, even if she had the strength. Finally, she gasped, her eyes widening. A whole new world of pain greeted her. It was as though the insides of her body were melting of pure acid. Everything burned painfully, throbbing violently beneath her skin. Yet she could not scream. She was paralyzed, staring up at the ceiling. Helpless as her entire body shrieked in pain. It was as though Hell itself was yanking apart her organs to make room for Satan's ascension. Her vision clouded and spotted with black, and soon, she was completely blind.

And then, in an instant, it stopped. All of it. Her heart, her pain, her breathing. But she still lived. Though her lungs stopped expanding, she felt no urge to breathe. Though her heart stopped its beating, there was no panic to move. She simply was. In a state of perpetual stillness. And yet, she lived. More than that, she moved. Out of habit, her eyelids came down in a blink. The blindness ebbed away, giving way to sight. What a strange, strange feeling.

"Bella?" Edward's face came into view. He had changed. Still pale and handsome, yes. But beneath that chalky white skin laid thousands of miniscule blue veins. Barely visible to anyone who wasn't looking for them. Is this how a vampire saw another? Or just others in general? His eyes were bright. Insanely bright. More than that, she could see the color shift and turn. Like the face of a constantly moving clock. Slowly, she rose to a sitting position. Her body felt different, too. Light. As though she weighed nothing. Edward and Bella stared at one another, an inch away from each other's faces. And now, the test.

Raising his hand, he split his lower lip with his two fingers, spreading the skin until that rich, creamy oil started to rise. Bella stared at it, fascinated. Her mouth became suddenly dry, and she could feel her bones quake. She wanted that blood. She needed that blood. Leaning forward, Bella encased Edward's lips with her own, kissing away that luscious red life. It slid down her throat like warm honey, spreading through her empty body the moment it touched her stomach. Oh... how wonderful! It was as though every fantastic meal she had ever eaten as human meant nothing. The sweet, salty taste of his blood was enough to sway her into a euphoric, lucid state of being. She felt, almost, like a drug addict.

But then, Edward pulled away, his mouth pink from the mixing of blood. Hers was also, she could only assume. Edward's thumb ran beneath her lip, wiping up the dribble from her mouth. Bella saw a strange look in his eyes. No... not strange. She knew that look, and knew it well. But it had been so long since she saw it. She used to see that look every time Edward snuck into her room at night. Every time he crawled into bed with her, trying to stifle her giggling. Every time she opened her apartment window and let their secret weekend begin.

Bella had not had sex in nine months. She had been afraid to, honestly. And with Edward dripping in guilt, it was no mystery that he had been, too. But now, sitting there, with blood between their lips, Bella could feel that urge rise up in her. Forget Alex. He would not win. She wouldn't let him win. As her thin arms clasped around his neck, she made a note that her sadness and woe had been a winning point for that bastard. Well she would not be miserable any more. No. His sins would not rule over her life a second longer. They fell to the bed, sharing another burning kiss. Perhaps her becoming a vampire meant losing fear as well. Because as Edward began to lavish her, she felt limitless.

Alec had burnt her. He had hurt her. But he hadn't killed her. She had been asleep – hiding – for nine long months. And with every sway and throw of the man she loved above her, Bella felt herself waking up to a new reality.

Hers.

Yesssssss, things are starting to get exciting again. Curse my need for pacing! The birth is coming up in the next chapter.

~T.