Chapter 11:
"Paula, I don't want to meet the professor-"
"You have to! He's so fucking hot-"
"He's probably your dad's age!"
"Daddy issues! Remember?! Oh look, there he is!"
Paula dragged Michonne by her hand, snaking her way through the wave of students in the hallway. Michonne tried her best to pry her hand free, but the girl's grip was vice like.
"Hey professor! This is my friend I was telling you about, the nurse?"
The tall, slender man smiled charmingly at both teens, exposing a set of pearly white teeth, "Well hello, future nurse"
Michonne waved, feeling oddly nervous, "Hey"
"How are you settling in? You getting the hang of things here?", He had a deep, throaty tone, that managed to sound as if he was about to start singing when he spoke.
"Yeah. It's great"
"Good to hear"
"So professor, what are we-", Paula began, battling her eyelashes as she put herself in his line of sight.
"Ugh, please", The man frowned, "Call me Negan. I hate how formal 'professor' sounds"
Paula squeezed Michonne's hand, "So… Negan…I was wondering what we'll be covering in tomorrow's class…"
"Hey Michonne", Gabriel beamed, appearing beside her, almost bouncing with excitement.
"Oh, hey", She tugged her hand free from her friends to face him, "You done for the day?"
"Yeah, I was just heading to the library"
Michonne glanced behind her at Paula and Negan, who were too busy staring into each other's eyes to notice her, "I'll come with you"
"Okay! Uh, I mean, Uh, great, let's go"
Michonne probably wouldn't admit it aloud, but she found Gabriel adorable. He was always so polite, and seemed genuinely happy to see her, which she took as flattering, but she couldn't be any less attracted to him if she tried.
With everything that had happened over the weekend in Kings County, she was glad to return to college. Between Jessie's lies and Rick turning up at Maggie's home, she felt as if she was being dealt nothing but bad hands, and while Gabriel was a breath of fresh air, that's all he'd ever be.
"So I hear there's a party this weekend?"
Michonne frowned at him, "Isn't there a party every weekend?"
He chuckled nervously, "Well, I guess you're right… Uh, do you want to go?"
She tried not to cringe, "I'm trying to stay away from parties for now. My life's been… all over the place for the last few months, so I'm just trying to find some kind of balance"
"Oh", He nodded hurriedly, "I get it. I do… so your summer was… busy?"
"You could say that", She huffed, pulling open the library door.
"I spent most of my summer volunteering. Helping my local church"
For reasons unbeknownst to Michonne, she could easily see the teen doing such a thing, "Sounds great"
"Yeah it was. Very rewarding, too", He lowered his voice as they walked through the large, quiet hall, "So… have you always been single?"
Her eyes crept over to him, "No. Only recently"
"Oh, really?...How recently?"
"Uh… a few weeks? Maybe? Something in that area"
"Oh. That's very recent"
"Yeah", She dropped her bag on a table near a window, hoping the boy wouldn't pry.
He did, "Where you together long?"
"No. Not long at all…", She almost whispered, "So what about you?"
"I've never dated anyone. The girls in my school liked the bad boys, I guess", He shrugged as he chortled, "Not a nerd that spent his break in the computer room"
She stared at him for a moment, then slowly averted her gaze to her bag, "I guess that's the way it goes sometimes"
"...Michonne, I have a confession to make-"
"Sorry, I got a call", Michonne could have jumped for joy when she saw her phone screen light up in her backpack, "Let me just quickly take this…"
"Oh, sure, go ahead", He shrunk as he began fussing with his own bag.
"Hey Eileen", She whispered, "I'm in the library"
"I'm so sorry to bother you right now honey, but I'm just so overjoyed, I had to tell someone the good news!"
Michonne's eyebrows sprung up, "Oh sure, go ahead"
"I'm engaged! Ezekiel proposed last night! We're getting married!"
Michonne's eyes bulged, "Oh! Wow! That's… I'm so happy for you!"
"Thank you so much, sweetie! I know we haven't been together long, but at my age, when you know, you just know and I love him so much and I just can't believe it!"
"Neither can I!", She truly couldn't.
"I need to wait for Rick to call me so I can tell him too, and I'm hoping he will be happy for us. He and Ezekiel got along the last time he was here, so maybe he's getting to grips with it all-"
"I don't think you should tell him yet", Michonne warned.
"What?"
"I don't think you should tell him yet", She repeated, pinching her nose bridge between her thumb and index finger, "He… You know how he is-"
"I know, but this is something that me and Ezzie want, and I need my son to understand that"
Michonne's face pinched, "This is Rick we're talking about"
Eileen was silent for a moment, "...Maybe I'll wait a little while. Let him get to know Ezzie a little better"
"I think that's a good idea"
Michonne was genuinely happy for Eileen and Ezekiel, especially after witnessing how two were so infatuated with each other, but she couldn't help but wonder how the woman could get engaged when she wasn't even divorced yet. Not to mention, the fact that she hadn't even been with Ezekiel for that long, and still barely knew him. It was a recipe for disaster, without even having to add Rick, or his father into the mix.
College life seemed to be the only thing that made sense to Michonne. She didn't have to worry about her mother reconciling with her father, or Jessie causing her trouble, nor did she have to worry about staying in her ex boyfriend's home. She could just get on with her life and return to her dorm at the end of the day.
"Where's Paula?"
Michonne shrugged, jotting down notes in her book. The two girls had retreated to her dorm that evening, after going off campus for their dinner, "Probably putting Negan's job on the line"
"That's a possibility", Sasha chuckled, "She dragged me over to meet him yesterday-"
"She did the same thing to me!"
"He's good looking guy but… he's probably in his thirties? Maybe even forties-"
"You tell her that and she'll just shout 'Daddy issues!' and forget about it"
"I give up with that girl", Sasha sighed, her eyes beginning to roll away from Michonne, but quickly darted back to her, "...Daryl's coming over this Friday…"
Michonne looked up from her book, "Oh? That's great"
Her friend nodded, barely blinking as she perched on the edge of the bed, "...I thought it would be nice…"
She narrowed her eyes at the girl, "Sasha…"
"...And so are the others", Sasha crumbled, "I'm sorry, but I was telling him about how great it is up here, and Shane was there, and he was like 'Looks like we gotta' take a trip up there then!' and I was like 'Yeah, okay'-"
"Sasha, It's okay! They can come up here, I won't get mad or anything. Campus isn't off limits to everyone just because Rick and I broke up. I'm sure they've been dying to come to a party up here. Especially Shane", Michonne chortled, crossing her legs in front of her.
"...They all can't fit in my dorm room, though"
Michonne's smile soon fell, "What does that mean?"
"...I take Daryl, Glenn and Maggie in my room and you take Shane and Rick"
She squinted at the girl, "That's a very specific arrangement-"
"Rick's the only one that can control Shane", Sasha spoke in a tone that suggested that the reason was obvious.
"Then why can't they sleep in your room with you and Daryl?", Michonne challenged, tilting her head.
Sasha's eyes darted around the room, "Because he said you can stay at his mom's house… So I think it's only fair that you return the favour"
"Wait, you didn't tell them that they can stay here, did you?", Her eyes grew wide.
"No! I didn't say anything! I wanted to check with you first, so if it does get late and they drink a little too much-"
"You are so transparent-"
"So you'll do it?", Sasha smiled, "Will you?"
Michonne snorted, "Where are they even meant to sleep? I have a single bed!"
"The floor! Just give them a space and they'll sleep right there!", Sasha motioned at the beige carpet beneath her feet.
"You've just got it all thought out, haven't you?"
The girl gave Michonne an evil grin, "Maybe"
"Sasha, Rick and I are-"
"Shhh!", Her friend leaned forward and put her finger on her lips, silencing Michonne, "Just Shhh! If worse comes to worst, they can stay here and that's it. That's all I needed to hear from you"
It was an offer that sent Michonne outside her comfort zone. While Sasha was right, Rick did insist she stayed at his mother's home, which was something she appreciated when Paula wasn't home, having him in her dorm room was an entirely different situation. There would be nowhere for her to avoid him in such close proximity, and after their last discussion, she realised she was still hurting, and trying to close him off completely when their friendship groups had merged to one, was borderline impossible.
She spent most of Thursday in class, then in the library, before Paula came along, begging her to help her find an outfit for the weekend. Michonne initially refused, but an hour later she found herself sat on the girl's bed, while she sifted through her closet, pulling out more dresses than either of them could count.
"What's the reason behind all of this?"
Paula fell on her knees, randomly holding up items of clothing, "I need to look hot. Smoking hot"
"...I don't think Negan will-'
"Not for Negan. For Shane"
Michonne threw her hands up in the air, unable to keep up with the girls train of thought, "Okay, why? I thought you no longer cared about Shane?"
"I don't… but then again, I guess I do? Anyway, if he sees me in the right thing then he'll be drooling all over me, then I can turn him down because I'm dating a sophisticated, older, wiser-"
"You're not dating Negan though?", She frowned at the redhead, disappointed in herself for even entertaining the twisted plot.
"He doesn't know that", Paula snickered, holding up a tube top, "Ah-"
"No."
She pouted, throwing it over her shoulder, "You are no fun"
"I know"
"So you're seriously not coming out tomorrow night?"
"Nah", Michonne huffed, laying on her side with her head propped up by her hand, "I probably will one night but… not right now"
Paula stopped what she was doing, her green eyes sailing across her room, "Do parties remind you of a time that you and Rick were a thing?"
Michonne was not expecting such a question from her friend, "Uh… maybe?"
Paula nodded, "Thought so. There's a name for things like that. I learnt about it in my class. I'm actually planning to do my case study on you guys. All the contrasting personalities… I'm sure all the boys are borderline sociopaths"
Laughter burst from Michonne's lips, leading Paula to look at her strangely. She swiftly caught herself, moving her locks from her face, "Sorry… Just thought of something…"
Paula smirked, continuing on with her task, "Weirdo"
They did eventually settle on a red and black striped dress for the girl to wear, and Michonne could bet one of her limbs that Shane would fall for Paula's plan hook, line and sinker.
When the dreaded night finally arrived, Michonne spent her evening tidying her room, before settling down to study, but she could barely focus. If Rick and Shane decided they would stay the night, then that meant she would expect to see them both at her door in the early hours of the morning. She didn't know whether to stay up and prepare herself to see them, or if she should go to go to sleep until someone knocked on her door. She decided on the latter, and as the day was coming to an end, she changed into zebra print one piece and climbed into her bed, sitting up with a book to read.
Michonne wasn't sure when she fell asleep, but she was sure that she woke up to the sound of arguing, followed by loud banging noises. She removed her book from her face, squinting away from the light that she had left on, and got out of bed to investigate.
Still partially asleep, it took her a moment to realise that she was staring at Sasha and Daryl.
"Oh! You're up! Great, uh, bring him here, Rick!"
Sasha backed away from the door wearing a tight smile, and a few seconds later Rick stepped into view with Shane's arm over his shoulder, his best friend barely able to walk.
"Did you hear-hear what she-", Shane hiccupped, "She said to me?"
"Yep", Rick responded dryly.
Michonne moved out the way, her red, tired eyes watching Rick manoeuvre Shane into the room, before letting him drop to the floor.
"We need to get Glenn upstairs, so I'll be by in the morning", Sasha informed, taking hold of the handle and closing the door slowly as she sang, "Goodnight!"
Michonne sighed as she looked down at Shane, then up at Rick, who was looking around the room with a slight frown. Her dorm room wasn't large by any means, but with Rick placed in the middle of it, and Shane covering most of the floor, it felt even smaller.
"If you don't want me here then just say so"
She inched past a sleeping, or unconscious, Shane and made her way over to her bed, "It's fine"
"Is it?"
She glanced in his direction without looking directly at him, all while removing one of the pillows from her bed, "Here"
He didn't moved immediately, instead he peered at her from the corners of his eyes, "You're not gonna' answer me, Michonne?"
Her heart began to thump in her chest, "It's late, and I'm tired, so take it"
He tilted his head to catch her gaze, "I don't want it to always be like this. I'm standing here, in your dorm room and I can see you're not happy about that-"
"Can you blame me?", She chucked the pillow towards the end of the bed, then retrieved another.
"No, I don't blame you at all. I just… I don't want it to be like this whenever we're around each other"
She crouched down with a small cushion and placed it under Shane's head, "It was worse when we were together"
"Don't say that"
"It's true. This is nothing", She exhaled as she turned back to her bed.
He raked his fingers through his hair, rolling his head back to look up at the ceiling, "I just wish you'd listen to me"
She looked at him with the most annoyed expression, "Why?"
His head dropped back down, his eyes on her, "Why?"
"Yes, why? Why should I listen to you? Why should I give you that?"
"I messed up. I was an ass, I should have handled thangs better, I should have told you how I was feeling, I should have admitted that I was scared of a lot of stuff, I should have been happy for you, I should have supported you, I should have helped you, I can go on, Michonne", He threw his hands in the air as he scoffed, "I can go on and on about everythan' I should have done but you should know first-hand that I'm… I can be an idiot, I've lived most of my life as an idiot, but not anymore. I'm not doing any of that anymore"
She took her time folding her arms over her chest, "I'm glad you've finally decided to grow up"
His jaw clenched, as he inhaled through his nose, "I get it. I deserved that. I've deserved a lot of the thangs you've said, but you're not completely innocent in all this-"
"I didn't say I was", She snapped, "I've never said that I was"
"Then why won't you listen to me?"
"Because I'm still hurt, Rick", She all but hissed, "You might be fine, and you might have this whole new positive outlook on life but I'm afraid I'm not quite there yet"
"You think I'm fine?", He took a step closer to her, and she instinctively took a step back, "Is that what you think?"
"Don't", She instructed firmly.
"Can you just-", He stopped himself, running both hands over his face, "There's so much that I want to say"
Michonne crossed her arms over her chest as second time, keeping her gaze low.
"I still care about you more than anythan' else. Don't think that I don't because that's never changed, even if we have", He insisted gently, while her eyes trailed up to meet his. He wore his most intense look, the one he had often used on her times before, when he was trying to prove his point.
She so desperately wanted to stay mad at him, but there was no denying the fact that she still cared about him too, and before she knew it, words were spewing from her mouth, "I feel like I don't have anything outside of this room. I don't have a home to go back to, I haven't got a family to back to and it sucks. It really sucks"
Rick inched towards her, "That's not true"
'It is", She sniffed when she felt her eyes brimming with tears, "I just don't belong anywhere but here right now and it scares me, because I won't always get to hideout here"
The last place Michonne was expecting to be was encased in Rick's arms, but that's where she found herself. He held her before her mind could even register what was happening, and her own reaction surprised her, as she melted into him, no longer feeling the need to fight. He still felt the same, smelt the same, everything about him reminded her of the only home she truly knew, and the feeling was overwhelming.
"Don't ever think you don't belong somewhere, because you do. For as long as I'm alive, you do"
She closed her eyes, her head resting on his chest, "It doesn't feel that way"
"But is it", His hand gently squeezed her shoulder, "It'll always be that way. I told you, you're more than welcome to stay at my mom's and I meant it. She wants you there, too"
Michonne didn't dispute whether that was true or not, but it did little to extinguish her feelings for the moment, "Yeah"
"...Do you hate me?"
She frowned against him, "No. I don't hate you"
"I just wanna' be able to check in with you. Make sure you're alright", He held her tighter as he sighed, "I don't want you to get upset, or mad whenever you see me"
"I know"
"...Are you gonna' let me do that?", He rasped softly, his chin brushing against her forehead when he bowed his head to see her, "Check in with you?"
She gave him the smallest nod, "Yes"
"Thank you".