Chapter 16:

Note: I know the present day from the previous chapter was a cliffy. Still, make sure to read this flashback. It has some interesting stuff to it.

4 Months Ago: Dimitri's Point of View

I never got a reply to the text message I sent to Rose. I started to regret my decision, realizing that I sent it at the moment and without thinking of the repercussions that would follow. It was not wise of me to think that Rose would even reply, considering what I did to her. When I told her I didn't love her anymore, I saw a flicker of light leave her eyes. The light that held her determination, care and love all for me. Erased and broken just like that. It wasn't my intention to break her in that moment, but I was filled with anger, sadness, and embarrassment.

My thoughts were soon interrupted by voices going through the headset unit. There were a few guardians switching out and coming into a shift, I silently scolding myself for losing my focus. Shaking my head, I immediately returned my focus to the grounds. It still felt strange being back at my old school and doing guardian duties—especially since I dreamed as a novice to escape and explore the world. I did with Ivan, who was also adamant about exploring, but of course, seeing everything was cut short.

I sometimes wished that Ivan was still here and I was guarding him. I doubt that my life would have been as complicated as it is now. Then again, if Ivan didn't pass away I would have never met Rose. Would that be a bad thing? No. She was meant to have come into my life, even if it was only temporary. Her natural determination, strength, and fierceness were somewhat of an inspiration. She reminded me of the duties we have as guardians, to take risks to protect our Moroi. In her case, Princess Dragomir.

"Belikov, can you patrol a few extra hours? A few guardians have come down with a nasty cold," radioed in a fellow guardian.

"Yes, I will cover," I returned, even though I didn't necessarily want to. Walking the same route repeatedly definitely grew boring, especially after an already long shift. I was grateful for my job at St. Basil's, but it wasn't the same as it was at St. Vlad's. It was Rose who made every day interesting, who made me look forward to my mornings and evenings. Forgetting her was impossible, with part of me regretting leaving in the first place.

Sighing, I continued my walk around St. Basil's, wishing that things were different. What if I never turned Strigoi? Pondering those thoughts were soon interrupted by the gate guard talking to me. "Uh, Guardian Belikov? Someone is here to see you at the gate. Says it is important."

My eyebrows furrowed together, not sure who would be seeing me. Klara was busy working and I wouldn't see my family for a few weeks. "I'm on my way. I request that someone can alternate between patrol route five and their route until I return."

"On it," replied a different guardian.

As I made my way towards the gate, curiosity continued to rise. Not many guardians would receive a visit here, especially me. I would call myself more of an introvert since I preferred keeping to myself and didn't have many friends. I used to be more open, but ever since Ivan a part of me wanted to close off. I was worried to get close to someone because I would lose them in the end. Kind of what happened to me and Rose. I lost her in some way.

I saw the short figure with a pixie cut in the distance, but I wasn't sure if I was imagining things. As I got closer, I realized that my hunch was right. She turned around to give me a warm smile and it felt weird seeing her again after all of this time. The last time I saw her was in the cave, right before I was pulled down by Strigoi. Right before the life flashed before my eyes.

"Guardian Belikov, a pleasure to see you again," She smiled at me with her hazel eyes. She opened up her arms to me, beckoning me to give her a warm hug.

"Guardian Petrov," I said, immediately walking over to her and returning the hug. As I hugged her I felt a pang of guilt, realizing that I had failed to reach out to Alberta. Alberta and I always had a good working relationship at the Academy, especially when Rose was involved. She seemed to seek my opinion when it came to Rose and her training, as well as my opinions on other matters.

She pulled away from the hug, still giving me a warm smile. I noticed that her hair had gotten significantly grayer than the last time I saw her. After all, it had been two years since the last time I saw her. "Why did you come all of this way?" I questioned.

"A few things, actually, but one of them was to see you," She stated. I realized that she probably came to coordinate with the head guardian at St. Basil's about the guardian training plans. There had been a lot of talk in America about changing the guardian age to sixteen, instead of the current age of eighteen.

We began walking towards the Guardian quarters, with me offering to help her with her two small bags. She was chatting about her flight over here, as well as how much cooler it already was in Russia than Montana. I asked her how the trials went for the novices, seeing if she implemented a few things I had in mind for improvements.

"Who did you leave in charge of matters at the Academy?" I asked. Rarely Alberta would be the one to leave the Academy for a task.

"Stan," She replied, briefly making eye contact with me. "I know you don't think fondly of him, but he will be able to have things under control for a short period of time. Besides with Hathaway and Castille gone, there isn't any worry about pranks or disobedience."

I let out a low chuckle as I opened up the door to the guardians' lounge, with Alberta immediately impressed. St. Basil's had multiple generous Moroi families donating to the education of the students. They were adamant to have the best program across Russia, with each guardian coming out top ranked. If it wasn't for St. Basil's, I wouldn't be where I was today.

We sat down in some leather seats, both awkwardly looking at each other. Alberta cleared her throat and took a sip of coffee, I grabbed her, then looked at me cautiously. "You look well, Dimitri. I made sure to put in a good word about you when the Court was seeking employment for you back in Russia."

"I appreciate that a lot, Alberta, thanks."

She smiled. "I came to see you on some official business too. I'm afraid you have heard about the increased guardian deaths occurring?" I gave her a curt nod. "Well, the Academy is losing its guardians, as they are being allocated to the Moroi living outside of the Academy. I came to offer you a job, back at the Academy."

I stared at her, slowly nodding my head to take in this information. I felt honored that Alberta would come halfway across the world to formally give me a job back in Montana, but I did not know if I could take it. I was settling back home in Russia and finally able to spend time with my family. Mama was helping me process through everything for my time as a Strigoi and even my pestering sisters gave me much amusement. I was finding happiness; did I want to uproot that?

"Put some thought into it, Dimitri, but guardians at the Academy feel that you deserve another chance. It wasn't your fault the events that occurred; we were all very fond of you there. You even did a remarkable job mentoring Rose. She scored the highest in her class."

"How is she?" I whispered.

Alberta tapped her fingers on the side of the coffee mug, looking for a way to answer the question. "From my understanding, she is doing extremely well. The guardians at Court are very impressed with her dedication to guarding Princess Vasilisa, as well as her other guardian duties."

Nodding my head, I replied, "that is great to hear."

"You should be proud of how hard you mentored her. She came a long way with you influencing and motivating her," Alberta continued. She eyed me carefully to see if my facial expression would change at all, it didn't.

"I'm happy you gave her another chance after she returned to the Academy," I said. Through Lissa and my Strigoi memory, I learned about Rose's sudden departure from the Academy, as well as her triumphant return. She begged Alberta to let her back into the Academy, so she can take her test.

"I know she loved you," Alberta returned to me. I looked at her in surprise, but it was written all over her face that she knew. I felt stupid for never seeing the hints Alberta dropped over the months I was mentoring and training Rose. She always sent me to calm Rose down or to check up on her. She knew there was more to Rose and me than being a mentor and guardian.

"I loved her too," I admitted, realizing that there was no shame to say that to Alberta. Rose was now nineteen and there was nothing going on between us now. Besides, at this point, it was just a casual conversation between two people in the past. It wasn't like I could get fired over this.

There was a bit of silence between us, as we sipped on our coffees. I was relieved that I found a way to escape the shift, mostly because I was tired of seeing nothing each lap I did. Swallowing my mouthful of coffee, I gave her a genuine small smile. "I'll have to think about accepting your offer. I have my family close by here and I'm starting to get in a better place."

Alberta completely understood and we continued talking about other things. I offered her a tour of St. Basil's, which she kindly accepted. She wouldn't be meeting with a few other guardians until much later and wanted to have something to do. It felt nice to have someone here that reminded me of my other life in America, but her words about Rose still stuck in my head. I know she loved you.

Present Day:

The whole world came to a transient pause, as Eddie spoke those words to me. What did he mean Dimitri sent me something? I nearly lost my balance, unsure if what I heard was true. Slowly making my way over to Eddie's bed, I sat there trying to fully process what he said. Thoughts swirled in my head wondering why this information was new to me. What did Eddie know?

"Rose?" He said, crouching down in front of me.

I snapped out of my dazed thoughts, then look at him in the eyes. "What do you mean he sent me something?" I spoke through my teeth. I was trying to contain any emotional outburst and handle this situation calmly. Although, I was the definition of a ticking time bomb in this moment.

Eddie sighed and stood up, to lean against the wall. "Dimitri sent you a text message four months ago saying that he missed you," Eddie calmly said. He refused to make eye contact with me but instead stared out the window.

"How do you know this? Why didn't I receive this text?" I immediately took out my phone and began going through my texts. There was nothing from Dimitri. Eddie continued to not make any eye contact with me and appeared to be processing things. "I deserve to know the truth!" I hollered at him, not caring if it would attract attention outside his room.

He ran a hand through his already messy hair, murmuring something. I kept demanding that I know the truth and I could see Eddie's body beginning to tense. Although, he kept shaking his head telling me that it wasn't easy to say. "Then why did you even bring it up?"

Eddie had a short fuse, considering I didn't have to pester him for long. "Because I deleted it," He yelled, startling me.

My eyes widened and my mouth dropped open. Pushing away any tears that were forming, my eyes narrowed at him. "Why the fuck did you do that?"

"Because he did not deserve your time after everything that happened."

"Since when are you allowed to have a say about me and Dimitri? You don't know how we were when we were together," I retorted, my voice growing louder with every word.

Eddie threw his hands to his sides and walked across the room. It really was like I lit a fuse inside of him. Something about Dimitri and I had been building inside of him for quite some time. Taking a deep breath, he turned around to look at me. "He is toxic to you, Rose, whether he is Strigoi or not. You failed to stake him when you were in Russia, allowed more innocent lives to die in Vegas because you clung to the chance he could return to normal."

I looked down at the ground, knowing that my failure to kill Dimitri did result in more innocent lives being lost. I wasn't doing my part as a guardian there, but instead put my feelings and love towards Dimitri first. "But he is back, I did save him."

"But at what cost?" Eddie questioned. I didn't have a chance to reply before Eddie continued. "When he was restored, he continued hurting you. I saw the torment you went through when he refused to see you and when you saw him, he told you that it wasn't going to work out. You wouldn't let it go, you kept dwelling on the past and any thought of him. He consumed you, Rose."

I was taken aback by Eddie's built up emotions, but knew in some ways he was right. With my voice shaking I calmly replied, "That doesn't give you a right to keep messages. I waited to hear something from him for eight months, kept questioning if I ever meant anything to him, to begin with. You had no right."

Eddie shook his head and joined me next to the bed. "He consumed you, Rose. You basically said it yourself. You needed to move on and I knew that text didn't mean that he wanted to be with you, but you would take it as a sign that there was still hope to be together. I did it to protect you."

"What did the text say?" I demanded, ignoring his remarks. This was still a lot to process, considering that this was all new information to me. Eddie was right in a several ways, but at the same time, he didn't fully understand how everything was between Dimitri and me. Eddie didn't know the physical pull I had towards Dimitri or the sense of calmness and love during my and Dimitri's conversations.

Eddie sighed and took out his phone. Apparently, he had forwarded the message to himself before deleting the evidence from mine I grabbed his phone out of his hands and nervously looked at the message.

I miss you, Roza. Life is not the same without you in it.

Shaking my head, I stood up. "I need to leave on the mission." I tossed Eddie's phone on the bed, needing to get out of this room now. Dimitri missed me being a part of his life. Sure, it didn't necessarily imply that his feelings had returned to me, but it was enough to know that I impacted his life. That he felt a sense of loneliness being away from me. I got a sense of that on New Year's Day, but knowing that he tried telling me that months ago . . . all that time lost. Would things have been that different if I had received the text when I did?

Silently I walked out of Eddie's room, not bothering to even say goodbye. I was angry and hurt, as well as conflicted with these feelings about the text Dimitri sent. Now the real question was, what do I do with this new information? Do I tell Dimitri?

I was already waiting in the car when Dimitri approached with Alberta. After the chaos I had been through the past few weeks, I was eager to get to this isolated state of mind. Sure, we had to send in monthly reports to Steele and report anything major, but for the most part, we could keep to ourselves.

"Hathaway, I'm surprised you aren't trying to drive," commented Alberta, when Dimitri opened up the back door to the SUV to place his duffle bag down.

"She tried to convince me to let her drive," Dimitri replied. "We already agreed prior to this that I would be the main driver."

I snapped around in the passenger's seat, making eye contact with both of them through the open door. My eyes narrowed at Dimitri and I stuck out my tongue childishly. "Main driver my ass. You said I needed sleep for this leg of the drive, but I never agreed that you would be the main driver."

Both Alberta and Dimitri laughed in return. "A couple years later and she still can be defiant," Alberta commented, causing me to smirk.

I returned to facing front and took out my phone to send something to Lissa that I was officially leaving the Academy for the mission. As I pulled up her name in my texts, I saw that she finally sent me the pictures from the Christmas ball and New Year's Eve. Smiling as I flipped through them and saved them, I didn't even glance over at Dimitri who got into the car.

"Have everything?" Dimitri asked as he started the car. "Including the important information?" I could tell by the tone of his voice he was referring to the flash drive with the Hans Croft file.

I bit my lip and nodded. "Don't worry, I triple checked as soon as I got in the car."

Soon enough we were leaving the gate and I glanced out the side mirror, seeing the Academy fading in the distance. Dimitri was silently driving, as usual, which reminded me of the time he took Lissa and me back to the Academy. He was able to pick up on the bond between Lissa and I, just in that short period of time. Went to show how observant and logical he was.

I couldn't stand the silence anymore and soon leaned over to turn on the radio. Of course, I put it to the top 40 station, that always had a mixture of horrible pop tunes. "Where did you get that ring?" Dimitri observed as I adjusted the dial to the radio.

Glancing down at my hand, I realized he was referring to the ring Lissa just gave me. The newness of it glistened in the sunlight, which made quite the appearance. I knew that it wouldn't look that great for long, especially since I would be getting my hands dirty soon. "Lissa. Nothing major, just another charmed ring and an early birthday present."

Dimitri nodded, showing that he understood what I was referring too when I mentioned charmed. I turned up the volume and leaned back in the seat, listening to music. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dimitri cringing at the tunes. Who knew how soon he would listen to it before he would change it. Leaning back in my seat and closing my eyes, I figured it was a good time to have a rest.

Our first stop wasn't anything major, considering it was just Missoula. Since it wasn't the nearest major city to the Academy, it made sense that there would be some Strigoi hideouts. After the death of Guardian Thomas, we thought there must be some Strigoi lurking in the city to see the Moroi and Dhampirs that travel in and out. On the bright side, Missoula had decent hotels, restaurants, and activities so we wouldn't be completely bored during the downtime.

"So, how many Westerns did you end up packing?" I asked Dimitri, realizing that I wouldn't be able to fall asleep. The sunlight felt great and gave me so much energy. There was no way that I could fall asleep.

Dimitri shook his head, saying that he didn't count how many. I started guessing outrageous numbers, teasing him at his obsession. I always thought it was completely hot that he was some gorgeous Russian reading classic American Western novels. Dimitri chuckled at my outrageous answers, even telling me that I wasn't even close.

"Then why won't you tell me?"

"Thirty," He replied, sheepishly.

I widened my eyes at him. "Holy shit, I was just exaggerating when I said fifty. How will you have time to read all of them? Is every ounce of free time going to be devoted to reading?"

He shrugged and quickly changed the subject. "Do you want to talk about what happened before we left Court?"

Groaning, I placed my head against the window. How did I know that he was going to bring this up? Of course, he wouldn't have even thought to bring it up if Adrian wasn't so obnoxiously loud. Adrian was your standard privileged royal, that would always get what he wanted throughout the years—because of his Queen Aunt Tatiana. For once in his life, he didn't get what he wanted: me. Then he had to retaliate and try to hurt me in return; little did he know that it would make him look like a bigger ass.

"We don't have to talk about it," He quickly added.

"What do you want to know?"

I realized that if I wanted questions I had for him answered, I needed to be willing to answer my own. I would be a hypocrite if I expected to always get answers and never answer his own questions. At some point in this trip, I wanted to talk to him about our past, really talk to him. Not dance around getting to the deep root of the problem. I knew it would take time to talk about it, especially since we were both extremely stubborn people.

Dimitri turned down the blasting radio, then paused to form the question. "Was Adrian telling the truth?"

I closed my eyes, trying to come up with the best way to address this question. "He exaggerated a little," I said, already feeling ashamed of myself. Why did I succumb to the image everyone saw me as? Why did I think I was only worthy of that?

I couldn't read Dimitri's expression, but I figured shock ran through him.

"I made mistakes after you were restored. I was trying to find a way to temporarily escape reality to forget about everything that was going on between me, between us," I calmly said. "Adrian was there and soon enough it fell into a cycle that was hard to break. I haven't let him . . . you know, for several months." I figured it was best not to outright say it.

Dimitri nodded, then I saw a look of guilt pass across his face. "Did I give you any scars?" He whispered. The pain was extremely evident in his voice, as he battled the mixture of emotions. Torment was written across his face and I wondered if it was something that he ever fully came to terms with.

It didn't help that we never fully talked about what happened when he was a Strigoi. Sure, I had told him I forgave him for everything that he did as a Strigoi after he was restored, but I could tell he didn't completely buy it. "They are hardly noticeable."

His body immediately tensed some more and I instinctively placed, my hand on his shoulder. The sense of my touch immediately caused him to relax slightly, but I could tell the torment was continuing to rise in him.

"You would have to examine my neck closely for a long time to even see a faint resemblance. Also, it could be a result of Adrian and Lissa too," I reassured him. "I still forgive you for everything you did as a Strigoi, that never changed."

"You forgive so easily, Roza. It is something that I have never quite understood about you. Almost immediately after I was restored, you said you forgave me."

I shrugged, immediately remembering the moment I felt and saw everything happen. The light that shone, the sob echoing from Dimitri as he laid in Lissa's lap . . . the tiredness, yet happiness that poured throughout Lissa into the bond. It was a moment that I would never forget, especially the relief I felt. Even though things didn't work out between me and Dimitri, that moment was something I would cherish.

"As soon as I knew it was you, really you, it was easy to forget everything. Everything that I felt for you before you were turned was amplified in that moment I saw your eyes brown, not red."

"Everything that you felt?"

I nodded, snapping out of the reflection back to his restoration moment. Pushing away any emotion about the pain that he caused me when he broke things off indefinitely, I made eye contact briefly. "Some things have changed since then, Dimitri."

"I know."

"It's what you wanted," I pointed out.

From the tone of his voice in that moment, I could sense that something was unsettling to him when he responded. "Sometimes I wish things were different, but I know things happen for a reason."

"I wish things were different too."

Author's Note:

Hope you enjoyed! Some of the Hans Croft file will be revealed the next chapter, so stay tuned. ;)

This past weekend I dedicated to spending time with my boyfriend and my best friends, so I took some me time away from writing to focus on my personal life. Thank you for your patience!

I haven't had the opportunity to start writing the next chapter, so please be patient on my upload time. I try my best to get chapters up twice a week, but due to a hectic life outside of this story, I don't always have the opportunity. Trust me, I hate not writing and uploading. You guys make my day with every review, follow, and favorite.

OH! So I can't believe I haven't told you guys a little fun fact. In 2013 I met Richelle Mead! It was kind of a crazy and surreal experience, I barely remember it. I was on twitter the day before I met her and saw her tweet something about being in Kansas City, which is 20 min away from my parent's house. I googled why she was there and she was at a book convention. Naturally, I texted my best friend who got me into Vampire Academy and we made plans to go meet her. She signed my Last Sacrifice book and took a picture with me. She was super nice, but sadly I couldn't talk to her for long. I wish I could share these pictures with you guys on this website. Sigh...guess you have to take my word for it. It was also when the movie was about to be filmed, so there was a lot of buzz about that. I remember talking to her about her thoughts on the casting for the movie and she told me that she was very pleased with the casting of Rose and Dimitri. Not sure if she was obligated to say it or if that was the truth. Still, cool story to share.

Sorry for my babble. Not even sure if you guys read this. Haha.

As always review! Hope everyone is having a great week. :)