Chapter 19:

Note: There will be no flashback in this chapter.

There were many times that I imagined dying from a Strigoi, but definitely not in this situation. It was one thing to die fighting to protect your Moroi or in battle, but a completely another thing to die when you were stupid to let your guard down. Not to mention going to a sketchy Strigoi breeding area of town just because you were pissed at your comrade, no pun intended.

Yeah, I guess you could say that I was still the same reckless Rose. The Rose that didn't think before she did something—hey, I at least improved a bit over the past few years. There was that part of me that wanted to take a leap of faith, do something for myself, and change things up. But at what expense? My life? This wouldn't be an honorable death, this would be childish and immature.

Pain rippled throughout me as the fangs sunk into my neck. I tried continuing the fight, through every ounce of sharp pain, but I knew I couldn't continue. I was being weakened and put in this weird hallucinogenic state from the Strigoi venom. The body tried fighting, but soon the sharp pains were fading, and I felt relaxed. Was I relaxed? Probably not. My body was just coming to terms with that I was dying.

Suddenly anger poured throughout the bond, drawing my mind to Lissa momentarily. Something had happened at Court, while she was practicing Spirit magic with Adrian. From the state I was in, I didn't know the circumstances, but I did think of something else. It came to me impulsively; I could take the darkness away from her.

Letting myself open up to the bond, I started taking the darkness and anger away from her, letting every last inch of it pouring into me. Lissa must have sensed something was happening because through the bond I could hear her shouting my name, wondering why I was taking the darkness, and panicking that something was wrong with me.

The Strigoi must have sensed a change in me, as I stiffened up. With some new-found strength and adrenaline, I swiftly threw my head forward, smacking the Strigoi away from my neck. It hurt like hell as I felt his teeth scrape across my neck, but I didn't care.

My hands were free, and I immediately grabbed the silver stake out of my dress, catching the head butted Strigoi off guard. My stake effortlessly hit the sweet spot in his chest, as I turned around to face the other three, including the boss-man.

Although my adrenaline was still high in my system and I felt a rage of anger, I couldn't deny the weakness spreading throughout my system. The rage was there, but could my body continue? There was still three more noticeable Strigoi, but I had a feeling there could be more around us. Taking a deep breath, I quickly assessed the locations of the remaining Strigoi. They looked confounded at my lack of outward weakness. The "boss-man" Strigoi looked outraged but also amused while the other two didn't know if they should run or fight me.

The anger built up inside of me and I quickly punched the one closest to me across the face, but he instinctively grabbed my wrist. He started bending my arm backward, inflicting more pain on me. As he immobilized that arm, my hand with the stake was trying to hit his chest. Instead, he punched me firmly in the ribs causing me to fly backward and hit the wall.

I stood up immediately, feeling more rage than before. My neck was still dripping blood, but I knew I still had time before I would faint from blood loss. That was the thing about Strigoi bites, they would bite to kill so they didn't care how big or deep the bites were. I began sparring with this Strigoi, realizing that he must have been a former guardian. I instinctively tried protecting my ribs, but I another blow hit the side of them. A bone cracked in my rib cage and my body started succumbing to the pain.

With one ditch effort, I was able to stick the Strigoi with the silver stake in its stomach. It wouldn't kill, but at least knock it down for a period of time. I slumped to the ground, holding my ribs and turned around to see where the others had gone.

They were gone, but I heard some of their hissing around the corner. Who was there? The Strigoi with the stake in the stomach was wailing in pain, unable to touch the stake without crying some more. Resting my head on the ground, I began blinking away any tears that were forming. I was in pain. Everywhere.

There was still plenty of darkness inside of me wanting to be unleashed, but my body kept saying no. There was no way I could get out of this one, at least I tried. "I'm sorry, Lissa," I said, letting a tear fall down my face.

I closed my eyes, knowing I would feel my life slip away at any moment. Instead, it didn't. As soon as I heard the Strigoi cry out in pain as someone ended his life, I opened up my eyes faintly to see Dimitri hovering over me.

"Comrade," I said very faintly, wondering if he even heard me.

"Oh Roza," sighed Dimitri, with concern written all over his face. "Let's get you out of here." He ripped a piece of fabric from his shirt, then place it firmly over my spot on the neck to suppress the bleeding. I winced in pain at the pressure but soon relaxed as I felt my blood begin to clot.

I let another tear trickle down my face. "I'm so sorry. I'm stupid."

He shook his head, wiping the tear from my face. "Let's not talk about this now. Let's focus on getting you back and safe." He looked at the wound on my neck, then muttered something I couldn't detect. Slipping his hands underneath me, he effortlessly picked me up from the ground, holding onto me tight.

"Thank you for saving me," I whispered, my arms limp as he carried me.

"I thought I would return the favor," He said, holding me even closer. "You'll be okay, Roza. Just take some deep breaths and we will be back before you know it."

My eyelids became heavier each time I blinked my eyes, as I struggled to keep them open. It was the protective instinct that I had grown up learning, to never keep your eyes off your surroundings during the human night. Although I knew I was safe with Dimitri; he wouldn't let anything, or anyone hurt me. Sighing, I closed my eyes and rested my head against his chest.

We got back to the hotel room nearly at sunrise, neither of us speaking to one another. I was weak and stunned by the latest events, that I was at a complete loss for words. Just outside of the hotel, Dimitri placed me gently on the ground after I insisted that I could walk into the hotel. I didn't want to raise any suspicion in my disheveled state. My hair was stained with my blood and my dress was torn in several places, as well as a mixture of bruises and scratches throughout my body. Not to mention the bruised and broken ribs that were throughout my chest.

"Sit," He said, as soon as we walked into the bedroom.

Without protesting I sat on the bed, still decompressing from everything that happened. I was drained, and I wanted more than ever to take a long hot shower and sleep. Dimitri grabbed the first aid kit out of the closet and grabbed out the gauze, bandages, and rubbing alcohol. I wanted to protest that we didn't need to go to extreme measures, but I didn't have the energy.

"I can do it myself, Dimitri," I said, gently grabbing the items from his hands.

He gave me a look knowing that I was probably being irrational and silently disagreed, grabbing the rubbing alcohol and immediately started cleaning off the scratches on my arms. I cringed at the initial sting, but soon relaxed as my body adjusted to the slight discomfort. We sat there in silence as he helped cover my scratches and then looked at my face, noticing the huge scratch that ran from my temple to my jaw.

"That bad?" I said lightly.

He didn't respond to my comment but instead kept staring at the wound intently. "This one will sting the most, it is deeper than the others. It doesn't need stitches, so you will heal quickly."

I pushed my hair out of my face and turned my head to give him a better look at it. I let out a soft grimace at the strong sting that made it seem like my face was going to catch on fire. Taking a few deep breathes, I quickly felt relief once Dimitri finished patching it up. His hand lingered on my face and quickly went through my hair, giving me that sense of comfort.

As he finished bandaging up my neck, which thankfully wasn't as horrible as I thought, giving me a long look. I could see that he was struggling to find the right words of what to say to me, especially considering I had lied to him and was reckless. He didn't know if he should act like a mentor, friend, or what towards me. Hence, the constant awkwardness that continued to follow us everywhere.

"Thank you for saving my life," I whispered, grabbing ahold of his hand and giving it a light squeeze.

"I won't let anything happen to you, Roza." He moved his hand away from my face and placed it on top of my thigh. "When I saw you laying there with life leaving you every second, I was scared. I thought I was going to lose you."

I gave him a weak smile, then leaned myself closer to him. "In those moments I realized that it must have been something you felt right before you were turned. I saw my whole life flash before my eyes. I saw the future that I won't have, as well as the people that have shaped my life. I started thinking of every last interaction I ever had, and I didn't want it those to be my last memories."

He gave me a slight smile, as we sat there for a long time staring at each other. At this point in time, it felt like nothing had happened between us. I felt like this was the first time in a long time Dimitri and I was truly acting like us. We knew each other extremely well and we were connected by saying little to no words to each other. I wanted more than anything to lay in his arms again, to feel that warmth and comfort encompass me in his tight grip.

I knew nothing could happen. I couldn't let myself love him again, mostly because it was hard to tell how he was feeling. I was scared to cross that boundary again, scared of being hurt. I broke eye contact and cleared my throat. "I am going to go shower," I whispered.

He quickly stood up and told me to not get water on my face because it would ruin the adhesion of the patches. I grabbed a pair of my shorts and an old St. Vlad's shirt and shut the bathroom door, taking a deep breath. I turned on the shower and while it was heating up I stared at my tattered appearance in the mirror. Quickly, I removed my clothes and got in the shower, instantly relaxing as the hot water ran down my back.

Silently, I let a tear fall down my face, thankful that I was still alive. My tears soon turned into sobs, relieved that the shower was loud enough so Dimitri wouldn't hear. Letting out a few more sobs, I turned off the shower and started drying off, ignoring that tears were still leaking down my face. Yanking on my pajamas, I quickly sunk to the ground leaning against one of the walls. I was exhausted; I felt like I could barely stand anymore.

I didn't know how much time had passed, but I had zoned out completely to not think about anything. I was numb. Dimitri started knocking on the door asking if I was okay, but I didn't respond. I didn't have the energy or will to. He opened up the door to stare at me on the ground, looking as if I was a little girl.

"Are you okay?" He murmured, but his tone indicated that he knew I was not. Dimitri sighed and then sat down to lean against the wall next to me. "We can sit here in silence until you're ready to move."

"You don't have to do that," I said.

"I know, but I want to."

Without putting much thought into it, I leaned my head against his shoulder. I thought he would resist and tell me it wasn't a good idea, but instead, he didn't. He let me place my head there and let me take in his intoxicating smell that I knew so well.

As we sat there in silence, it suddenly dawned on me why he decided to end things with me after he was restored. I always thought him not loving me was something that I did or out of fear of loving me. He came up with a bullshit excuse to say that he wanted me to be happy, but really it was him coming back to terms with life. He needed space and no obligations to anyone but himself. I now knew the feeling of being so close to losing your life, but actually going through what he did I couldn't fathom what that must have been like. Foolishly, I thought it would be an easy fix.

"I was afraid you would see the life leave me," I whispered. "I didn't want to leave you without you knowing that I forgive you for what you did. Why you broke things off, why you didn't try. It took me a long time to understand, but I get it now."

He brought a hand up to my hair and started running his hands through it, knowing that I loved that soothing feeling. "I never stopped caring about you Rose, not for a second. I'm happy to have you back in my life, even if it is only temporarily."

"I'll always care about you too, Comrade," I murmured. "Whatever happens after this mission is over, I won't regret going on it."

"We don't need to talk about what happened," He told me, continuing to run his hand through my hair. "I know you realize your mistakes and you don't need someone scolding you for that."

I sighed and adjusted my head. "I fucked up big time."

He let out a low chuckle. "We are human, Rose. We aren't perfect, we make mistakes, but it is learning from those mistakes that make us better people. That is the beautiful thing about life, you get second chances from mistakes."

"Except I always make reckless mistakes that almost kill me."

Dimitri let out a low chuckle. "Then you will continue learning."

"You always know how to make me feel better," I said.

I let out a yawn and closed my eyes for a brief second, enjoying the comfort of him. It didn't feel romantic in any way, but more like a friend looking out for another. Although, a part of me still wondered if it was ever possible that Dimitri and I would be brought back together. Pushing those thoughts away I quickly let my thoughts drift away.

I woke up surrounded by darkness in the bedroom, realizing that I had been placed on my bed with the covers wrapped tightly around me. Looking around slightly disoriented at what happened, I soon realized that Dimitri must have put me in bed once I had fallen asleep. Smiling, I peered over at his bed seeing him peacefully asleep. Even though the dynamic between the two of us had changed, I knew he meant what he said that he cared about me. I could only imagine the way he moved me to my bed, making sure not to wake me or cause me discomfort.

When I went to close my eyes again, images of the Strigoi biting into my neck started haunted my mind. Quietly getting out of bed, I went to the bathroom to try to clear my head. I stared in the mirror at myself, seeing the scratch on my face and down my arms. I could feel the claws dig into my arms, trying its best to grab me and feed on me. A couple of tears trickled down my face, but I suppressed any sobs. It was all going to be okay.

Finally leaving the bathroom, I looked to see Dimitri sitting up in bed looking at me. I shamefully looked down at the ground, not wanting him to see me cry. "Rose, are you okay?"

The tenderness in his voice got to me and I tears slowly trickled down my face. The closeness I was to the brink of death, the potential of losing my soul and becoming evil . . . it was too much. "I keep seeing him," I stated, clutching either side of my head. "I can't get him out of my mind."

Dimitri climbed out of bed, immediately pulling me into his strong arms. I started sobbing, with continued flashes of the battle going through my mind. Why hadn't I seen this Strigoi come out of nowhere?

He let me back to my bed after I stood there for a long-time sobbing. My face felt numb and my eyes stung from the number of tears I had shed. As he went to walk away from my bed, I quickly grabbed his hand. "Please, stay with me," I said.

I thought he would argue and tell me that it wasn't a good idea, but he didn't. Instead, he climbed on the other side of the bed next to me. We didn't touch, but it was nice knowing he was right there.

"Thanks, Comrade," I murmured, as we faced opposite directions. "Years ago, we would have dreamed of sharing a bed together. Funny how life works." I tried saying something lighten my mood from earlier, but I immediately felt awkward after saying it.

Surprisingly, Dimitri responded to my comment. "Mama always told me that life is a funny thing and you can never expect what turn it will take you. Everything happens for a reason."

"I know that," I said. I went to adjust my position but winced in pain. The mixture of bruised and broken ribs was far from ideal. "I think I might need at least a day recovery." I clutched my ribs in pain, slowly adjusting my body to find a position that was the most relaxing.

I felt Dimitri sit up next to me in bed, turning on one of the lights. "What did you fail to tell me?" He eyed me, clutching my ribs, trying to fight off the pain. "Rose, you told me you were just sore!"

He started cursing in Russian, climbing out of bed to grab the larger first aid kit. The one with the bandages meant to hold your ribs in place. Since dhampirs could heal faster than the normal human, it was vital to make sure the ribs would heal in the right position.

"Guess the natural pain suppressor stopped working," I muttered. I truly had forgotten about my banged-up ribs, especially when my body was still processing other things that happened. It was in that protective instinct mode where it felt no pain until it knew I was safe.

He walked over to my side of the bed, holding out the bandages and scissors. "Let me help you," He said, already sensing my hesitation. He grabbed my hand and helped me sit up, making sure I was sitting up straight.

As he started unwinding the cloth bandages he told me to take off my shirt. He sounded so nonchalant about it, but my face quickly started turning red. I didn't have a bra on—I mean, what girl wears a bra to bed? "Um, can you like look away?"

Dimitri gave me a confused look.

"I don't have a bra on and would like to at least conceal myself while you wrap this stuff around me," I said, feeling completely awkward about this entire situation.

Wordlessly he looked away and I slipped off my shirt, making sure to cross my hands over my chest to conceal my breasts. God, the awkwardness of the situation already seemed to increase. I granted him permission to turn around and I saw his eyes lingering on me briefly, recalling the last time he saw me with nothing on the top portion of my body. It was the cabin, the night I knew neither one of us would forget.

Dimitri cleared his throat and told me to sit up straight, apologizing that it might hurt a bit. I saw concern flicker in his eyes when he looked at the black bruises throughout my chest, but then immediately started wrapping the bandage securing around my rib cage. It did feel better having that added pressure, after the pain of putting pressure on it in the first place.

As he finished wrapping the bandage around me, I sighed with relief. "Thanks for taking care of me. Next time you get beat up, I will take care of you."

We looked into each other's eyes and I quickly forgot that I was shirtless and braless with Dimitri so close. His hand touched my bare shoulder, gently grazing it. Chills were sent down my spine and I noticed both of our breathing started to become a bit heavier. My heart was pounding not sure what to think or do.

His face was becoming dangerously close to mine and I wanted him. I couldn't deny this intense physical connection that I still had with him. Our bodies were pulling to each other, but I didn't know if this was the right place or time. If I started something, there was no going back. What if I ruined our almost friendship? What if I continued to make things awkward for us?

Oh, but I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to continue that measly kiss from Christmas, to remember the way his lips met mine perfectly, and the butterflies I would feel. I wanted him so much that it hurt. Yet, something was stopping both of us from progressing any further. It was the lack of sorting things out, the lack of opening ourselves up fully to what happened between us.

Dimitri was the first to pull away, avoiding making eye contact with me. He handed me my shirt and I quickly slipped it over my head, as he looked away. "You need some rest, Rose, we both need some rest."

I nodded, immediately started to lay back down on my side of the bed. I assumed he probably thought that sharing a bed would be a bad idea after that recent encounter, but he walked around to climb on the other side of the bed with me. "Can I have a day off, Comrade?" I murmured, a few minutes after he turned off the light.

"You can take off all the time you need. Now go to bed, Rose."

I didn't argue with him and started feeling my eyelids get heavy. With the adrenaline completely died down, I realized how tired I was physically and mentally. This entire night was a turn of events that I didn't expect to happen, especially when being faced with a near death experience like that.

Dimitri was definitely keeping his distance, making sure that he wouldn't come close to touching me. I didn't expect anything more, but it was nice having him there. It was someone to protect me in the night. It was all I could ask for in this moment.

Author's Note:

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'm so happy to finally include this one part that I had pre-written about 2 months ago. This pre-written part of this chapter I wrote has probably been my favorite moment I have written. I'm not going to say what (don't want to get my expectations up, if you hated it) but feel free to guess. What do you think my favorite part was?

Chapter 20 will mark the halfway point for this story. I have some fun exciting things planned, especially for the flashback. Also, someone requested a Dimitri POV and I promise you that is coming again in a flashback very soon. Also, some other questions will start to become answered in the chapter 20's. Soooo let's get ready to enjoy the second half of the story.

Thank you for all of your support the last chapter and I'm sorry for the cliffhanger. I pushed myself to get this chapter up as soon as possible. As always review, each review makes my day!