Chapter 20:

4.5 Months Ago: Dimitri's Point of View

Mama and I were taking a walk around Baia when I came home one weekend in late September. It was getting gradually colder each day, a way of mother nature to tell us that the warm summer months were soon behind us. I didn't mind the cold, most Russians didn't. When I worked at St. Vlad's, I always found it amusing how all of the students would complain during the cold. None of them would have survived very well growing up in Russia, especially the days where we would have no heat in our house. The nights where my family would crowd around the fireplace just to keep warm.

"Anything new at St. Basil's?" asked Mama.

I shrugged, gazing up at the busy street ahead. "Alberta Petrov visited St. Basil's to discuss some new law that is trying to be implemented in the American Court. Apparently, they want to lower the age for becoming a guardian to help replenish numbers," I said, burying my hands in the pockets of my duster. I frowned at the thought of it, not keen at the thought of immature teenagers becoming guardians.

Mama nodded slowly. "Why are the guardian numbers so low in America? I thought St. Vladimir's was a highly ranked school in the world?"

"It is," I stated quickly. "They have a strong program that promotes a certain rigor into the novices, but that doesn't mean that everyone is safe. These heightened attacks by Strigoi appear to be abnormal. As if someone is tipping the Strigoi off about guardian and Moroi movements. It isn't coincidental when these Strigoi is finding them."

"Who would be tipping them off? Surely it wouldn't be a highly ranked guardian who would have access to this information."

"Alberta wasn't sure, but that isn't what she came to talk to me about. She offered me my old job back at the Academy. Not as Princess Dragomir's guardian, but just as a mentor and Academy guardian. They are re-allocating a lot of guardians since due to the drop in numbers."

She remained quiet to process this new information, not sure how to take it. I reached over to grab Mama's hand, causing both of us to stop in our tracks. "I didn't have to consider the decision for too long."

"Are you going to take it?" She curiously asked.

I shook my head. "I won't leave this family ever again. I don't want to be the family member that is away and have my nephew grow up not knowing his only uncle."

"Dimka, this isn't about us. We want you to do what is best for you, especially after everything that you have been through. You deserve happiness, like every person in this world."

I looked away from her, unable to make eye contact. Mama's words were right, I knew my family would be okay without me here, but at the same time, I couldn't bear the thought of leaving them again. Ever since I had returned to Baia I felt like I was just now beginning to find myself again. What if I backtracked from that?

"Is this because of Klara?" She asked.

"No, me and her are better off as friends I think," I told her.

"Is it about Rose?"

I tensed up at the thought of her name with Mama noticing my increased tension. She eyed me and continued to look forward, as we began our walk again. "I left her life for a reason, so she wouldn't get hurt. I don't deserve her because she deserves better."

She shook her head fiercely, disagreeing with what I said. "You deserve to be with the person you want."

The person I want. That made me think back to what Yeva told me that night Rose was brought up in front of Klara. That I must choose between the person I need and the person I want; it felt like a loss with whatever direction I took. How do I respond to that? Did I really have to make a decision? Did everything that Babushka saw come true? Thoughts swirled throughout my head every time I thought about that night.

"Why did you phrase it like that?" I questioned Mama. I then went into explaining to her what Yeva told me shortly after that event. It didn't' take long for Mama to know which dinner I was referring to, considering it had been quite eventful.

She gave me a warm smile and placed a hand on my shoulder. "The one thing that I learned growing up is that Babushka purposefully words her visions to be tricky and to make you overthink it. I wouldn't worry about it, Dimka."

I gave her a laugh. "Then why do I feel like I have to make this decision between Rose and Klara? Neither one I have romantic feelings for," I stated.

"Have you at least tried reaching out to Rose since you have come back? It has almost been a year since you last saw her."

I sighed, then took a deep breath of the cold fall air. "I sent her a text, but she never responded. It doesn't matter, I didn't expect her to respond to me. After what I did to her . . . I think she has every right to never speak to me again."

Mama shook her head, disagreeing with what I said. "She may dislike you, but she should at least still respect you and your decision."

"Do you think I made the right choice?"

She shrugged. "I think you did what you felt was best for you at the time. You needed to find yourself again and to start that process you needed to come home to us. Retrace your steps in Baia, then at St. Basil's."

"I feel like I'm finally getting back to finding who I am. After being restored, it felt like every part of me had to suppress every emotion but guilt. It was hard to look past that monstrous person to remember who I was before," I candidly said. It was always hard to open up about my feelings and my time as a Strigoi, mostly because of how dark it was. Through multiple therapy sessions, I was told that sometimes in order to accept your past you needed to say it out loud and to come to terms with it.

"I'm happy for you, Dimka, really," She said, "but I would really consider that job offer in America. I think you need to find yourself there again."

I gave her a look.

"We love having you here so close to us, but all of us want you to be where you will be happiest. Talking to you, when you were back at St. Vladimir's, we could tell how happy you were there. There was a lightness to your tone when you talked about your life there. We just want you happy, honey."

Mama always knew what to say to make me well up with emotions. Pushing away any tears forming I looked at her, frowning. "Why do you think I should go back?"

She gave me another one of her characteristic motherly smiles. "So you can find your way back to the girl that you love and your heart wants."

Present Day:

I woke up startled at a sudden noise from outside. Sunlight was pouring through the open bedroom window, as I glanced at the time. It was three in the afternoon. Rubbing my eyes and letting out a yawn, I turned over slowly, to see the now vacant spot in my bed. I reached over with my arm, feeling the space where he had slept. I wasn't sure how to feel about this situation.

We were planning on leaving Missoula as soon as I was well enough to travel. A few days had passed since the Strigoi events that took place and I was slowly recovering physically and mentally. Dimitri was adamant that I was well rested before moving, while I wanted to go back out there and continue the mission. We hadn't talked about what happened outside of the club or even talked about the fact that he was still sleeping next to me at night.

We did not have the cliché movie moment where we wake up in each other's arms, but it still felt intimate in some ways. He had no reason to share a bed with me, but ever since that night, he had continued climbing into bed with me. I never told him to or not to, it just happened. I wasn't sure what his intention was, but I knew that part of it was out of deep care for me.

I grabbed my phone off the charger and slowly sat up in bed. My ribs were healing, but still pretty bruised up. I ran a hand through my hair to calm down the bed headedness, as I went through the messages on my phone. Lissa had sent me several texts asking how I was doing.

Oh yeah, Lissa. She definitely sensed that something was wrong with me that night, considering she felt the natural darkness fading from her. After I woke up the next morning after that attack I had multiple texts and missed phone calls from her. I technically wasn't supposed to be contacting her, but I knew she would keep persisting. After explaining that I needed some extra strength to get through a Strigoi fight, she had calmed down. I told her that I was slightly injured but I made sure to leave out the entire almost dying part. I didn't want her to continue worrying about me constantly.

The door opened to the bedroom and Dimitri walked in sporting a pair of very sweaty workout clothes. He was running his hands through some of his hair that had fallen out of his neat pony while chugging through a bottle of water. We made eye contact briefly and he gave me a warm look. "How are you feeling today?"

"Well I sat up without wincing in pain, so I think I'm getting somewhere," I said. "Were people staring at you in the hotel gym again?"

As one could expect, humans gave us looks every time we worked out in the hotel gym. Our workouts were different and at a much higher intensity, so I'm pretty sure they thought we were Olympic athletes or something. The frown on Dimitri's face showed that the judging humans were gawking at him again.

"Have you ever thought they were just admiring your God-like presence?" I teased, quickly sending something to Lissa.

His face immediately turned red at my comment and he placed his water bottle on the dresser, before grabbing a fresh pair of his clothes. "Rose, you know I hate it when you refer to me as a God."

I rolled my eyes, scoffing at him. "Sometimes it baffles me how you still think so low of yourself and your skill. Last time I checked you are one of the most highly ranked guardians. Your blood master level and your molnija marks prove it."

"Last time I checked, you had caught up with me. I noticed your marks the other day when your hair was up," He said, as he placed his fresh pair of clothes on the bathroom counter.

I gave him a coy smile. "I learned from a God, that's why."

Dimitri rolled his eyes, then started running water in the sink to shave. It was amazing how comfortable we became living with each other in a short amount of time. Sure, we still had awkward moments, but for the most part, it felt relaxed and natural. I guess when you are forced into this situation, you have no other choice but to feel good about it.

"How did you know where to find me when I was attacked?" I asked him.

"I assumed you were up to no good when you left that night, but I gave you the benefit of the doubt. When you weren't back in thirty minutes I left to go looking for you, but it wasn't completely obvious where you had gone. I tried going to our previous locations but didn't have any luck. It wasn't until Lissa called me to tell me she sensed that you took the darkness away that I figured it out. I knew you had gone to a place guaranteed to find some Strigoi's."

I nodded my head, relieved that Lissa trusted her instinct to call Dimitri. If she hadn't tipped him off, then I definitely would not have been alive today. For once it was the Moroi saving their guardian. I looked over at Dimitri who was shaving his face. I still didn't know why he insisted on shaving every other day, especially when I thought he looked even more attractive with a bit of scruff on his face.

"Thank you, again, for saving me," I said. "It's too bad that we haven't gotten any information relevant to this mission. The only thing I collected that night was that someone was tipping off locations of Moroi and guardian movement to the Strigoi and they weren't sure why. Oh, and Hans Croft is definitely alive."

Dimitri nodded, before leaning over to wash off the leftover shaving cream on his face. "I know the next place to go. I have been meaning to tell you, but I didn't want you to push to get there as soon as possible considering your current state of healing."

I opened up my mouth to say something sassy, but I knew he was right. "Well, are you going to tell me? How did you find out this information? How long have you known?"

"One of the Strigoi's outside the club told me the information in a way to beg for mercy. He said that the information is coming from somewhere in Helena. He says that word quickly spreads to them about the movements in the Academy." Dimitri said it so casually as if it was no big deal with this information. Then again, he already had time to process it the past few days when I had been healing and sleeping on and off.

I bit my lip, immediately thinking back to the Hans Croft file. He used to live in Helena with the former Moroi that he guarded. Was this a coincidence? Was I trying to force a connection between Hans and this mission? What would be Hans's motivation to spill the guardian whereabouts? Sighing, I adjusted the pillow behind me.

"So, when are we leaving?" I said.

"When I say you are ready," He said, shutting the bathroom door before I could protest any more.

"Comrade, you realize that you can be a pain in the ass?" I shouted, only hearing him laugh in return.

Smiling, I turned back to my phone scanning the internet. Whatever Dimitri and I were, I liked it. I felt more comfortable with him on each passing day. We were joking with each other and having lighter conversations, that felt like the ones we used to have during our training days back at the Academy. Although, a part of me still hoped that we could actually talk about what happened in our past. Once we sorted that out, I felt like there was a chance that things could return back to normal.

It was our last night in Missoula and we would be leaving tomorrow for Helena. Dimitri and I were folding our clothes quietly, listening to the local news station from the living room area. A part of me was sad to leave this place, considering we had been here for a few weeks, but I knew that moving locations would be the next step to continuing this mission. The sooner it was over, the faster my life could get back to normal. Did I want that?

Shortly after I finished packing, I climbed into bed and watched Dimitri finish packing his bag. He was working diligently, but also making sure that his personal belongings were perfectly packed in his bag. Smiling, I pulled up the covers close to my head and closed my eyes. It was getting late and we would have a long day traveling and getting settled again. Not to mention, we needed to keep pushing forward on this mission. The last report we gave didn't please Steele that much since he had no sympathy for my injuries. What an ass.

I didn't realize that I drifted off to sleep until I felt Dimitri climbing into bed next to me. Opening my eyes slowly, I saw him facing the other way from me and keeping his distance.

"Dimitri, can I ask you something?" I asked, knowing that he wasn't asleep.

"Yes?" He replied.

"Do you sleep here just for my sake or do you sleep here because you want to be next to me?" I daringly asked.

I could sense his hesitation. "Both," He replied. "It's comforting, knowing that someone else is experiencing the emotions of being on this mission. This is only going to get harder from here on out."

"I can't imagine being here with anyone but you. You still know me so well and I hate you for that."

He let out a small laugh. "Now you understand how that used to drive me crazy a few years ago. You knew me so well right away."

"St. Vladimir's feels like a completely different life and it has only been a few years," I sighed, orienting myself so I was fully facing him. "A lot has changed since then."

He nodded silently, as he moved to lay on his back. His expression was bittersweet, as thoughts about the past at St. Vladimir's swirled in his head. To think that the last time we were at St. Vlad's when I was a student, was one of the happiest days of my life. It was hard to believe how much had changed since then.

I scooted slightly closer to him, suddenly drawn towards him. "I don't regret anything that happened that day," I said, referring to the night in the cabin. I know you are still guilt-ridden and filled with regret, but I hope you don't regret what happened."

"I could never regret what happened, Roza," He said solemnly. "I regret everything that has happened after that, but I would never regret that. Part of my refusal to see you after being restored was because I didn't know if I could look you in the eye. I didn't know if you hated me for the fact that I took a part of your innocence away and then left you."

I reached over to grab his hand, causing his head to turn towards me. "It wasn't your fault, Dimitri. You didn't know that a Strigoi was right there to pull you down in the cave."

"I was distracted because of you. I wanted to know that you were out of harm and it gave me so much relief, Roza. My love for you was my downfall at that moment."

"Why do you think I was crazy enough to go to Russia and drop out of school to find you?" I exasperated, with my voice cracking near the end. The emotion was starting to take over. "I loved you that much."

"I dreamed an entire life with you at one point," Dimitri said, causing my eyes to instantly well up in tears. "After the cabin, I could see us living together in our own personal quarters at Court. I was scared of the backlash we would get, but I knew that it wouldn't have phased us. At one point in our lives, we were soulmates."

"But stuff changed since then," I finished, letting a slow tear slip down my face.

A part of me wanted to tell him that I waited for him for months after he left the Academy, hoping he would return. I wanted to tell him that I got his text, but someone prevented me from seeing it for so long. But I didn't have the heart to at this moment. I was scared to tell him. I was scared to continue succumbing to my emotions towards him.

Dimitri didn't say anything for quite some time. He turned over on his side to face me and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. "I'm sorry for leaving you and giving up on us when life got complicated. You had every right to yell at me when we saw each other again back at the Academy. You aren't immature, Roza, you are mature, smart, and so beautiful."

Tears continued pouring down my face and I muffled any attempt at a sob. I was hoping the room was dark enough, so Dimitri wouldn't notice my tears. From his inquisitive look, I immediately became aware that he knew I was crying. "And what about that student at the Academy? The way she looked at you made it seem like –"

He immediately wrapped both arms around me and pulled me close to him. I was laying on his chest, as his arms continued to hold me in this embrace. My body eased any tension as I felt his warmth surrounding me. Dimitri's hand ran through my hair, brushing it away from my face and to the side. "Oh, Roza, there is nothing going on. No student could replace you."

"Good," I sighed, with my eyelids starting to become heavy.

Dimitri's fingers traced the back of my neck where my molnija marks were. "I always knew that you would do well once you became a guardian," said Dimitri softly. His face was so close to mine that I could feel his warmth breathe. It felt comforting. "You have more molnija marks than I did at your age."

"Sometimes I would like to pretend that they aren't there," I admitted. "One of the marks was a mistake, it was supposed to be for you. I mean I just skipped getting a mark after I killed another Strigoi, but still bothers me." I didn't expect to openly admit that, especially since Dimitri's past was still an extremely delicate subject.

His body didn't tense up, but instead, I heard him sigh. He moved his hands away from my neck and just held me closely around my lower back. "You were so brave on that bridge in Russia. I don't know if I could have done what you did if our roles were reversed," He murmured. "We should get some sleep, Rose. We have a long day ahead."

"I know," I said, "I'm just too comfortable to move."

"Then stay," Dimitri whispered back to me, which surprised me. I peered up at him and saw the desire of me staying this close to him. I couldn't tell what this meant at this particular time. Perhaps it was about having comfort about the unforeseeable future of this mission or maybe it was something much greater than that. Pushing those thoughts away I soon succumbed to sleep.

Author's Note

Hope you enjoyed! I apologize for the delay in the story, I was busy studying for a test and I also got the flu that put me out for a few days. I thank everyone for your patience.

We have hit the halfway point of this story and I can't believe how far this has come. I hit 100 followers since the last time I posted, which has been a goal of mine for awhile since posting this story. Thanks for coming on this journey with me, I can't wait to continue sharing with you guys!

Review if you like, I love being able to chat with you guys! :)

Hope you guys are having a lovely weekend.