Chapter 21:

Note:

Reason 3 out of 4 on why Dimitri has decided to return to America. I promise you, this is a good one!

Without further ado, the long-awaited chapter!

4.5 Months Ago: Dimitri's Point of View

After the talk with Mama back home in Baia, I couldn't get the thought of Rose out of my mind. There was still that small part of me that couldn't let go of her. She was always intoxicating to me, ever since the moment we first met in Portland. The way she carried herself, protected Lissa and defended her intellect was so attractive. Not to mention her natural beauty, no matter how run down or tired she was during our practices. I missed her.

As I walked around the St. Basil's Academy practice with Klara talking to me my thoughts weren't in the conversation. They were thinking about Rose and the tempting job offer Alberta gave to me. Would I be going back for me? Or going back with some ridiculous fantasy that I would be able to see Rose again? She clearly didn't want anything to do with me, considering that I hadn't received a reply to the text I sent.

"What do you think?" asked Klara, interrupting my thoughts. I blinked a few times and looked over at her. My hesitation in my response to her caused a brief flash of frustration in her eyes. "Did you hear anything that I said? I suggested that we could travel to Moscow around the holidays. I have a little bit more time off from duties."

"Maybe. It is hard to plan that far ahead, considering that Mama hasn't even organized the usual family and friends get together. How many days would you have off?" I asked.

She shrugged. "It honestly depends on the other guardians. I think I will have three days off. We could be the cliché tourists in Moscow since we haven't properly explored the city before."

When we attended St. Basil's, we had an outside trip to a big city to practice guarding. We didn't get to practice on actual Moroi, but instead, we practiced on some guardians. It was the perfect, hard scenario where there were tourists from around the world and the rush of Russians walking through the city they have grown to love. The challenge was exciting and invigorating, but none of them got to enjoy the actual sites in Moscow.

Although, I did go back to Moscow when I was a Strigoi. When I turned, I craved blood and mass destruction, as well as being back home in Russia. The best way? The most popular city in Russia. I wasn't keen on going back to Moscow, but I didn't have the heart to tell Klara my reasons for not wanting to go back. It wasn't that I didn't trust her, but I wasn't ready to open that side of me to her. I didn't like speaking about the Strigoi past at all.

"Klara, I hope – "

She was too quick to cut me off. "I hope that we can see that we have a chance of being together, Dimitri."

God, she was so bold and fearless. I guess that was one of the defining features of a great guardian. She was passionate about her work, as well had a deep care for her family and friends. Not to mention that she was so beautiful and smart that any man would be lucky to have her. Yet, I knew that she would never match what I had back at St. Vladimir's with Rose.

Rose and Klara shared many similar qualities, but there was something that Rose had that Klara lacked. I couldn't quite find the right word for the difference between the two and didn't want to be that guy to compare two girls that were both extraordinary in their own way. But a part of me had to do that. Could I be happy with Klara?

I thought back to Babushka's fortune about how I had to choose between the person I need and the person I want. Mama told me that these predictions were always worded tricky and to not let that rule my life, but how could I possibly ignore it? Was my choice forced to be between Rose and Klara?

Klara and I stopped to sit down at one of the various benches that were spread throughout the campus. We hadn't said anything since she alluded to the fact that she wanted to try to be more than just friends with me. Not to mention, she didn't seem openly bothered by the fact that she knew I was having trouble processing my past with Rose. She seemed to just brush off the last conversation we had at my house in Baia. How she did it? I had no clue.

"Klara, I still don't know if I can let myself be with someone again. Honestly, I don't know if I'm ready," I candidly said.

She gave me a look for a while, before letting out a sigh. "How do you know that you're ready if you never even try?"

She has a point, but I shook my head. "The point is that the last time I let myself fall for someone, my whole world fell apart. I know that it was out of my control, but I let her distract me. That one moment of distraction nearly cost me my life."

Klara turned to face me directly, placing her hand on my leg. "Everything happens for a reason, at least that what my mother always told me. You need to push through any guilt and realize that just because you let yourself be with someone doesn't mean it will result in that again. The chances of you going through that are slim and you won't make the same mistake again." Klara was certainly persistent, and I knew that she wouldn't give up the fight.

I couldn't even respond before she leaned incredibly close to my face. My thoughts weren't fast enough to process what was happening until her lips met mine. Within milliseconds, my brain sent off multiple triggers telling me to stop. None of this felt right.

Pulling away, I immediately looked away. "I can't," I stated, through my teeth. My body tensed her embarrassment and level of discomfort.

The kiss clarified so much for me in that brief second. Klara was the stable person in my life that I needed, but my heart would never be able to love her. Not close to the way that it loved Rose.

"Is it because the love part hasn't fully returned to you post-restoration?" She asked, finally getting me to make eye contact with her. One of her brows rose, as she gave him a curious expression. Hurt still poured through her eyes, as she was trying to contain every bit of sadness that ran throughout her.

"No, you made me realize that I can still love. I just don't feel the same way about you, as you do to me," I stated.

"It's her, isn't it?" Klara asked after a few seconds had passed.

I nodded slowly. "It will always be her."

Klara may be the girl that I needed in my life since she promised stability and close proximity to my family. She possessed traits that I was attracted to, but she wasn't the one that my heart wanted. It was Rose and even though I felt like she didn't deserve me, I knew that I would never be able to move on from her.

Present Day

The sound of my alarm came too soon, as I slowly opened up my eyes. Dimitri was still holding me against his chest, both of us too comfortable to even move in the night. Groaning, I lifted my head off his chest and stretched to grab my phone off the nightstand. Shutting off the alarm, I let out a long sigh and looked over at him. He wasn't stirred by the alarm, which was highly unlike him.

My mind began processing the conversation we had last night, as well as the relaxed state I felt throughout my entire sleep. I didn't want to openly admit it, but it was the most relaxing sleep I had in a long time. Giving him a small smile, I rested my head against his chest to open my mind to Lissa's. I couldn't recall the last time I had checked in on her and I wanted to make sure it was okay.

Lissa was sitting in her room, with Christian close to her side. She was feeling very happy and eager since they just figured out the timing of their wedding. They scheduled it for late summer and early fall, during sunset. It would be the perfect photogenic moment, especially surrounded by the huge pond near the back of the Court property. She dreamed of this big wedding her entire life; I couldn't help but feel excited for her. Not to mention, she picked out the maroon colors in the wedding for me. Red and black were my colors.

"I wish Rose was here," sighed Lissa, resting her head against Christian's shoulder. "I need her here, now more than ever. Tatiana had a comment the other day about not being around much longer and how it will be a matter of time before Jill's true relation will be announced."

Christian nodded slowly, taking in every word that Lissa said. He gave her shoulder a light squeeze, causing her to slowly rest her head on his shoulders. "You know she is somewhere in that head of yours, Liss," He says, stroking her hair. "Besides, she will be back before you know it and we have a lot to look forward to."

She gave him a warm smile, lifting her head off his shoulder. "At least I know that she is okay, I can feel it through the bond." She reached over and gave Christian a kiss on the cheek. "So, it is Valentine's Day. You think it is time to celebrate?"

And with that, I quickly pulled myself away from her head. The last thing I needed was to witness some sexy time with Christian. I had seen way more of Christian than I ever wanted to see. Not to mention the awkwardness surrounding me and Lissa, when she was describing their intimate night and I dropped the line "his entire body is quite the catch if you get what I mean". Yeah, I probably could have gotten away without that line, but I couldn't resist. My mouth didn't have much of a filter sometimes.

I opened up my eyes and sat up, realizing that Dimitri and I probably should get moving. It was several hours of driving to get to Helena from Missoula and I was hoping that I could be the one driving some of those hours. I was doubtful but still hopeful.

As his arms moved away from me, his eyelids fluttered open to make eye contact with mine. I let out a small smile. "Morning, Comrade." Never did I think that I would be spending Valentine's Day waking up in his arms. Maybe at one point, I imagined it, but certainly not now. I had to force myself to not let this mean anything.

He ran a hand down his face, rubbing his eyes. "How are you feeling?" Dimitri asked the same question he had been asking all week to me.

"Good as new, like I told you yesterday," I smirked, sitting up and running a hand through my hair. "Ready to get out of Missoula, Comrade and actually explore more of the great state of Montana?"

When he threw off the bedsheets and got out of bed, I took that as a "yes". Smiling and following him, we soon began getting ready and packing our last few things. Neither one of us spoke about what happened last night, but I sensed that we both didn't' know what to make out of what happened last night. With Dimitri's change of conversation from casual chitchat to the plan about the mission, I became worried that he was starting to regret everything that went down. Was there a part of him that regretted anything? Because I knew that I didn't.

The drive from Missoula to Helena was far from eventful. Of course, I wasn't the one driving and I got little say in the radio station, so I had resorted to my headphones and surfing the internet on my phone. Dimitri had chided me for not looking through the file with me snapping and telling him that I knew the file extremely well.

I could tell that he was taken aback by me snapping and I didn't know what came over me. Maybe because I was still processing everything that happened between me and him since the moment I stepped off the plane at the Academy. Dimitri and I had made so much progress with our relationship, considering I went from swearing at him across the Academy to waking up in his arms a month and a half later. Funny how unpredictable the future is.

The daylight poured through the windows of the car, as we whisked amongst the mountains. Even though I preferred a less isolated community, there was something about staring outside and seeing no people that felt so calming. At one point in my life, Lissa and I had talked about moving away from the Moroi community and starting our lives post-graduation—maybe even head back to Portland. But stuff changed and with Lissa most likely becoming the next Queen, there was no way we could ever get that peaceful life.

My thoughts were soon interrupted by an incoming phone call. The ringtone to Cee Lo Green's song "Fuck You" came blasting causing a long and questioning look from Dimitri. "Steele," I stated, not even having to look at the caller ID to know who it was. The ringtone was a joke, a result of a drunken me going on a rant to Adrian and some other Moroi and Dhampirs about how much I hated Steele. And hey, at least one person got my Matrix reference at that party.

During one of me and Dimitri's dinner conversations, he asked me who was worse: Steele or Alta. My answer was Steele, of course, because I could get away with more shit with Alto. This time Steele was involved in my job, as well as my mental and physical health when he scheduled other guardian duties at Court. The one time that I truly pissed him off, he had scheduled some twenty-four-hour shifts. I didn't even have any time to nap.

"Just who I dreamed about speaking within the middle of the Moroi night," I said, glancing at the time on the dashboard. "What can I do of this honor, Guardian Steele?"

Dimitri let out a long sigh and shook his head. I turned my head to look at him and gave him a smirk.

"Guardian Hathaway, I just wanted to see how you were feeling. Belikov reported an injury that delayed the mission for nearly a week," Steele's familiar monotone voice responded on the other end of the phone.

I rolled my eyes. "Is that supposed to be a question? Didn't detect any change in your tone there?"

Through the phone, I could sense the tightness and irritated look that was across his face. "Hathaway, I suggest – "

"I'm fine, good as new," I responded, mimicking his monotone. Dimitri seemed to pick up on my sarcasm and used his free arm to give me a smack in the arms. "Anyways, what's up? I'm sure you called more about my personal well-being since a text or an email would suffice."

There was a pause in the conversation and it pained me how awkward this all was.

"I looked at the previous notes about a headquarters potentially in Helena. Through a few guardian sources, that are stationed in Helena, there has been heightened activity at the outskirts of the city. Sources have said that they have seen Strigoi, humans, and possibly some other Dhampirs coming and leaving. I have sent you an email with the address, but it is encrypted. Surely you have the software to—"

"Steele, do you forget the St. Vlad's curriculum?" I said dryly, rolling my eyes once again. "I had to take that code and computer cracking class, which I actually excelled in. I'm shocked that you haven't gone through my entire file."

" . . . surprising." Was all I could make out from the other end. "Okay, glad that arrangement is in order. Get going on this mission, Hathaway. There are lives on the line and somehow it is up to you."

He hung up before I could respond. Cursing under my breath, I tossed my phone in the cup holder and crossed my arms over my chest. Dimitri gave me a curious look but knew better than to ask me questions. If I wanted to talk about the phone call, I would bring it up on my own terms. That's what I continued to love about Dimitri, he knew when to press for information and when not to.

Closing my eyes, I felt the tug of Lissa. What was she doing up at this hour? A bit of panic spread across my face, wondering what if everything was alright. "Lissa," I murmured, letting my mind slip into hers.

"Rose? Are you there?" Lissa whispered. She was sitting in her enormous bathroom at her vanity table, picking at her nails. She was anxious and shaking about everything going on in her life right now. The wedding, the constant pressure of furthering her spirit ability but holding back the darkness, learning what it takes to become Queen, and the reality of the age law setting in. Soon it would go through primary voting at Court.

"Oh good, glad you have time to be here for me," Lissa continued, immediately sensing my presence. That was the weird thing about this bond, she knew when I was there, yet it was still a one-way bond. I often wondered that if we were missing something in the bond for us to only communicate one way, but then again, I didn't necessarily want Lissa in my thoughts.

"I'm struggling without you here, Rose, but I'm sure you already know that. Christian has been great, but he isn't a whole fan of this big wedding celebration. It doesn't help that the only family I have left doesn't know their true family origins and you're on a mission. I miss my parents and Andre more than ever right now, I know that may sound ridiculous."

It doesn't sound ridiculous, Lissa. I desperately wanted to reach out to her and be there to comfort her. When Lissa was little she would dream about her mom helping her plan her dream wedding, as well as have her father escort her down the aisle. None of this would be happening for her, which absolutely sucked. Not to mention, she didn't even have Christian's family to help her. She just had trashy Tasha.

"I nearly lost control with Spirit the other day, but I'm sure you must have sensed that. Adrian and I have been working with several teachers to enhance our powers, but sometimes it sends me to the brink. I guess that is why Adrian has fallen back into his drinking and smoking habits, but I feel like I can't control it. It's too much to take and it sucks that you aren't around. Never mind, that was stupid of me to say . . . I don't want you to take the darkness from me."

I want to Lissa. That was the thing that always set me and Lissa apart. She never wanted to make me do more for her than I already had to, but I wanted her. Not out of an obligation, but out of love and care for my best friend. Lissa was the only stable thing in my life, considering my mom had always been absent and Abe just showed up in recent years. She was the only person I had that would go above and beyond for my birthday or celebrate Christmas with. She was my family and I would protect her. Except I couldn't do that for her, at least not right now.

"Anyways, I hope you are safe. Call me when you get a chance because I want to hear your voice. I know I'm coming across as needy, but I just miss you. I miss our movie and wine nights, as well as just having you around throughout the day."

"Miss you too," I whispered, letting a tear slide down my face. No one said that this was going to be easy being away from the Moroi I was sworn to protect until my last dying breath. It was even harder being away from your shadow kissed Moroi. The past few weeks I had tried to distance myself from the bond, but there were times when I would stop holding up the boundaries to just feel her thoughts drifting into my head.

Dimitri reached over and grabbed my hand, which immediately pulled me from Lissa's mind. I looked over at him and he gave me a small smile. "We will be back soon, Roza, I promise."

Soon enough we arrived at the hotel, which was far less fancy than the previous one. It was a bit calming to know that I didn't have any creepy lady staring at me and telling me dark predictions, which I still didn't understand to this day. I knew darkness was following me because of the bond, but that didn't appear to be everything she was referring to.

The receptionist barely looked at us as we gave the information to them about the room and before I knew it we were opening up our room. It was the definition of your basic hotel room: complete with two queen beds, a small bathroom, and a mini coffee bar area. Guess we wouldn't be doing much cooking.

"What a downgrade," I exasperated, immediately being the first to claim my bed. "I mean we go from the nicest hotel in Missoula to this. Why didn't we go to the nicer hotel again?"

"This was all we could get in short notice," said Dimitri. "Be grateful that we can even get this hotel. Usually, guardians get to stay at motels or one-star hotels. I would define this as a luxury, at least for a guardian."

I shrugged and kicked off my shoes to climb into bed. Grabbing my laptop, I quickly connected to the hotel internet. It was time to get this location that Guardian Steele was so keen on. I was still a bit bothered that he called me to ask how I was feeling and to tell me about the email he sent. An email or text message would have been plenty.

As Dimitri began methodically unpacking his suitcase, I gave him a long look. "So, are we sharing a bed, Comrade?" I asked, beginning to blush at the thought of it. We never actually talked about the bed sharing in Missoula and if it would now be assumed.

"If you want to," He said, the words rolling off so effortlessly from his tongue. It sounded as if he had rehearsed his response from anticipation to my question.

"Yes," I stated shyly.

He nodded in return.

Soon enough we were sitting next to each other in bed, both going through separate files. I had decoded the file Steele sent me, realizing that it was about a thirty-minute drive from town. As I started looking at the information of the images, as well as the estimated layout, I began thinking of the best plan of attack. Naturally, I would want to go in with no plan, but I had learned my lesson from that (okay-learned my lesson several times). It would be smart to observe the people coming in and out of the house at night then take it from there. We needed to know how many and who we would be dealing with.

Dimitri was sitting next to me and going through the mission file and the Hans Croft file. I was a bit taken aback that he was willing to actually look through that file, considering he had dismissed my previous observations. The expression on his face showed that he was in fact very interested in something that he saw in the file. He kept moving his face from his computer to the file, with a frown coming across his face.

"I believe you," He said after a few minutes passed.

I looked over from my computer and placed down my pencil, in which I had been outlining the rough plan for this location. "About?" I said, already knowing that it must deal with Hans Croft.

"Hans Croft, he must be involved," said Dimitri. "There are things that aren't adding up in this file, especially since the Strigoi attacks starting shortly before he disappeared. Then there is that bank account information, that we already thought was strange."

Nodding, I bit my lip and bringing my thoughts back to Hans Croft. It had been awhile since I thought about it or even talking about it with Dimitri. "Before I was nearly killed outside the club in Missoula, the Strigoi told me that Hans Croft was alive."

Dimitri nodded. "You said that Hans Croft ran away from someone, right?"

"Yes, the theory that you didn't believe. Are you finally saying that I'm right?" I teased, giving him a playful poke in the arm.

He uncharacteristically rolled his eyes, then focused his attention back to the computer. "Why would he run away from the most secure place for Moroi and Dhampirs though? It doesn't make any sense. Unless he was in trouble and running from something like a crime."

Dimitri's eyes made contact with my own and I immediately knew what he was referring to. Widening my eyes, I placed my hand over my mouth. "Hans must be the one leaking the information to the Strigoi. He was the head guardian in America and it would only take him a quick information transfer onto his hard drive and an escape from Court to ensure whereabouts to the Strigoi. But why? What are his intentions?"

My partner's eyes darkened, but I could tell that he was believing this theory. "I'm not sure, Roza. All I know is that we must be on top of everything if we are going to make it out alive."

Author's Note:

I think I owe everyone an apology for my slower updates. Grad school goes from doable to crazy hard in a blink of an eye, as well as other aspects of life getting in the way. I know some of you understand and some of you may not.

I'm sorry if I disappointed any of you guys with my lack of updating. It has never been my intention to abandon this story. This story has been a highlight of my life at grad school.

I have been going through some deeply personal stuff, with part of it dealing with my anxiety and overall mental health. It has been to the point where I can't sleep at night, my appetite has decreased, and I have no energy. I went through a rough month, but I'm finally getting in a healthier frame of mind. My appetite is returning, I'm eating healthier, and I'm sleeping better at night. I have also been getting back into working out to help give my overall mind and body a better feeling after a long day of work. I'm not looking for pity or comfort, but I just felt obligated to let you guys know what is going on with me.

The writing is returning, I promise you that. I am setting myself aside at least 30 minutes a night to get back to writing, so the chapter updates will come more frequently. This year has been off to a crappy start with my mental health and some family problems, but I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. This year is going to turn around and it will be my year.

I hope that you guys will stick around to continue the journey with me. If not, I completely understand. Thank you, everyone!