It had been a number of weeks since the Ambassadorial visit and Carla had settled into a semi-comfortable routine. She worked all day in her small office, writing up reports, recommendations and archive accounts. She studied and trained in the latest arbitration strategies and supported Commander Spock and Captain Kirk whenever they required a second opinion or proposal. It was familiar and reassuring and what she knew how to do well.

She was managing her fears and anxieties proactively, she hadn't had any reason to leave the ship since Alika and she knew she was beginning to get nervous about the prospect. It wouldn't be something she would be able to avoid when the time came. She promised herself she was going to take the first available opportunity to go planet side, it was a part of her anxiety that she didn't want to get out of control.

The Ambassadorial visit had been the last time she had seen Leonard, he had messaged her checking she was okay a few times.

Collins, Carla Lt (EA) 08:04:

Hi Leonard, sorry I missed your call. I was putting my report in with the Fed. Not a problem, I know where to find you if anything crops up.

McCoy, Leonard Lt Cdr (EA) 08:12:

ok , just try and get as much rest as possible.

She still wasn't sleeping well, her trips to the gym occurring maybe two or three times a week. She'd resigned herself to the idea that this was her life now. The nightmares that she awoke from crying every night had ebbed away and been replaced by images, at times even when she was awake. The images were of her, of Leonard. Sometimes it was Kusa Sarraf that loomed over her. Sometimes it was the auctioneer or the other man at the auction, forcing her against the wall, his fingers inside her again.

She closed her eyes and shook her head, if she kept herself busy, relaxed and focused she was okay. Punching away at the boxing bag in the gym she suddenly sucked in a harsh breath, her right hand radiated in pain and she held it against herself immediately.

"Shit!" She exclaimed harshly, sitting down on a bench she gingerly removed her glove cursing the entire time. Looking around there was nobody else in the gym, she stood and picked up her towel and water bottle with her left hand. Making her way out she held back the need to throw up, the pain was bad and she was almost certain she'd broken something. The corridors were empty and she managed to walk all the way to sick bay without seeing anybody else which was unusual but not entirely impossible at that time of night.

Walking in Carla looked around for Leonard, becoming worried when she couldn't see him.

"Lieutenant Collins, are you alright?" Carla turned to see that Doctor Rakesh Vick was stood next to her.

"I've hurt my hand." She answered simply, Doctor Vick smiled at her reassuringly.

"Come with me and we'll get you patched up." He started walking towards one of the beds but stopped when he realised Carla wasn't following him. "Is there a problem Lieutenant?" He asked her confused.

"Where is Doctor McCoy?" She asked him in a hushed tone, taking deep breaths she tried to keep calm.

"He's not on duty." Doctor Vick answered. "Don't worry Lieutenant, I can assure you I can fix a sore hand." He laughed and Carla found herself smiling back at him tightly. Pausing again she finally took a step towards him and then followed him to the bed, sitting herself on the edge. "Now, how did this happen?" She watched him pull a small table towards him, on it lay medical apparatus.

"In the gym, I was boxing." Her focus fell on a hyper spray, she watched as Doctor Vick picked up the device.

"I'm going to give you something for the pain." His words didn't register, all Carla could do was stare at the hyper spray in his hand coming closer and closer to her neck. She could feel herself beginning to panic.

Breathe!

The air caught in her throat when she felt the cold metal against her neck, her vision was filled with the faces of nameless men. They were laughing and joking, pulling at her, touching her. She flinched away instinctively.

Breathe!

"Lieutenant?" Carla bolted from the bed, knocking the table over as she nearly tripped over her own feet. "Lieutenant Collins!" Doctor Vick shouted after her as she ran from the room.

McCoy had just stepped out the shower and put on his civvies, buttoning the three middle buttons on his dark blue shirt he pulled off his shelf a book he'd read a hundred times before. Setting it down on the small table that stood next to his chair he went and poured himself a drink. The condensation on the outside of the glass was cold and it felt good against his fingers. Taking a sip he closed his eyes and smiled.

"Just what the Doctor ordered." Sitting down he took another gulp, setting the glass down and picking up his book he fingered the worn edges. He found there was something very satisfying about holding a genuine paper copy book. As he read the first word at the top of the page his doorbell rang. "Damnit!" He sat quietly for a moment, considering ignoring the doorbell and hoping whomever it was would go away. When it went off again he knew he'd have no such luck. "Alright I'm coming!" Lifting himself from his chair he opened his door looking decidedly pissed off, but the moment he saw that it was Carla disturbing his peace his face fell and his arms went out to her. "Cece?" She was hyperventilating and still holding her hand to her chest.

"I…can't…breathe…" Carla allowed McCoy to steer her into the room and sit her down in his chair.

"Deep breaths Cece." McCoy ordered her calmly. Carla tried to do as she was instructed but the panic kept sweeping over her like a strong wave on a pebbled beach. Every time she thought she was catching her breath another wave of terror swept over her.

"Leonard…!" She rasped out, looking at him pleadingly. He pulled her from the chair and sat her in his lap on the floor, her back to his chest.

"In through your nose and out through your mouth." Being careful not to catch her hand which he noticed was swollen he placed his right hand on her sternum and his left on her arm, stroking it soothingly. McCoy matched his own breathing to Carla's, his chest rising and falling with hers. "Just follow my lead." He whispered. Carla leant into McCoy, focusing on her breathing the waves of panic were calming down. She could feel his breath on her neck and she closed her eyes in concentration. "That's it Cece." His voice was warm and close and she felt herself relaxing by the second, letting her head loll back onto his shoulder the only weight she felt was his hand on her breastbone. McCoy's hand stopped stroking her arm and he leant his head forward to peer round at her. "Better?" Carla nodded, lifting her head from his shoulder.

"Yes, thank you. I couldn't catch my breath." McCoy's hands wrapped around her again and took hold of her injured hand.

"What happened?" He asked as he delicately felt each joint.

"I punched the bag wrong." Carla answered, watching his hands envelope hers.

"How do you punch a bag wrong Cece?" McCoy laughed softly.

"I don't know, but I obviously nailed it." Carla let a small smile creep onto her face also.

"Did you start panicking in the gym?" Carla shook her head. "What happened?" McCoy pulled himself away from Carla and up off the floor leaving her instantly feeling alone and wanting to be back in his arms again. Watching him go over to a side cabinet he pulled an emergency medical kit out and walked back over, kneeling in front of her on the floor.

"I went to sickbay, I was fine. I felt a bit sick from the pain but apart from that my pride was hurt, not much else. Doctor Vick was on duty, I don't know what happened? When I realised you weren't there I got nervous but I know that's ridiculous so I hopped up on the bed." McCoy was listening intently as he waved a piece of medical apparatus over her hand. "I could feel myself beginning to panic but I kept breathing and telling myself to calm down. When I saw the hyper spray something clicked…" He stopped what he was doing and looked up at her.

"Clicked?"

"Yeah, I didn't see Doctor Vick in front of me anymore. I saw…him. As soon as the hyper spray touched my neck I flipped."

"It obviously triggered a memory." McCoy commented, wanting to be supportive.

"No shit!" He looked at her surprised but saw that she wasn't angry, he had been continually surprised at her capacity to find the humour in the horror.

"I guess you won't know what might trigger an episode until it happens, you just have to get better at reacting to those triggers." He put away his equipment and inspected her hand with his.

"Again, do I need to repeat myself?" Carla looked at him mischievously. McCoy chose to ignore her this time, although in the back of his mind the point that she had made about wanting him to treat her kept going around and around, standing up he offered his hands to her.

"Be careful in future." He watched her stretch out her digits and feel her knuckles.

"I will, thank you." She looked at him and realised he was already staring at her. "I mean it Leonard, thank you. For everything. I don't think I would have been able to cope if it wasn't for you." He was going to bat off the compliment with a snarky comment but something in her eyes stopped him.

"Anytime Cece." He answered seriously. Looking around Carla huffed.

"I ruined your evening didn't I?"

"Oh no, of course you didn't. Christ Cece, you were having a panic attack!" Stepping round her he picked up his glass, downing the contents in one. She was stood in her gym wear and McCoy was finding it increasingly difficult to not look and take in her exposed figure. He felt like an absolute shit, here she was seeking solace and comfort from a friend and all he could think of was what would it be like to feel her in his arms again. It was wrong and she deserved better. He suddenly realised he'd been staring at her while thinking and she had been watching him the whole time.

In Carla's mind she could see some kind of internal conflict within McCoy, being a Negotiator she could read people quite easily. Her friend wasn't telling her the whole truth, what the truth was she didn't know. She considered just asking him straight out but she'd learnt that McCoy wasn't the type to spill his guts at the click of somebody else's fingers. She was worried that he saw her as a burden, as a reminder of a traumatic event that he was a part of that he'd rather forget but her gut told her that wasn't it. She decided to give him time, he would tell her eventually. In the meantime she would play diplomat in their friendship.

"Well, I'll get out of your hair, thank you again Leonard." She smiled at him politely and made her way to the door.

"Cece wait!" She turned and looked at him surprised. "I don't think it's a good idea for you to be alone after your attack. You should stay here." His features were devoid of emotion, she wondered whether this was the face he used when he was telling a patient bad news.

"I don't think that's necessary Leonard." She laughed politely.

"Well I do, and as a Doctor and your friend I'm telling you I think it would be better for you to stay here."

"Alright." She answered, knowing it wasn't worth her while arguing with him.

"I'll take the couch." He blurted out uneasily.

"And they say chivalry is dead." Carla joked.

"Come on, let's have a drink." McCoy visibly relaxed and ushered her back into the room. Throwing her one of his shirts he informed her it was clean when he watched her bring it up to her nose. While he poured them a drink each Carla pulled on the shirt, the hem coming to the top of her thighs but covering her shorts. When McCoy turned his jaw literally dropped open at the sight of her in his shirt, in that very moment Carla realised what the reason was for McCoy's at times peculiar behaviour; he found her attractive. Looking at the two glasses she stared back up at him.

"You're a bad influence Leonard."

Are you flirting?

"That's the pot calling the kettle black isn't it Cece?"

Is he flirting?

Carla took the glass from McCoy and took a sip.

Fuck

Thank you for the follows and favourites, I hope you're still enjoying the story? Please let me know what you think by leaving a review! LLAP ;-) XOXO