Chapter 7: I blame you
Brittany is hanging out with Ava right now in my hotel room so I'm still not in the best of moods. I still don't know her angle in this situation so it's really pissing me off. I'd love to go home and forget all about her coming back but I can't leave the hotel until all the wedding stuff is sorted. You don't realise how much stuff you have planned for a wedding until it comes to actually cancelling it.
"So are you ready to go downstairs and help me?" Brittany asks looking at Ava.
"Just about, I just want to quickly use the bathroom first" Ava replies.
"Ok cool" Brittany smiles at Ava.
"I will only be two seconds, I promise" Ava says before quickly going to the bathroom.
A silence fills the room but I just have this awful feeling Brittany is going to try and talk to me. I'm trying my best to not look over at her so I don't encourage her to come over but knowing Brittany she probably will anyway. I'm proven right two seconds later when I see Brittany move out of the corner of my eye.
"Hey" Brittany says while taking a seat next to me.
"Hi" I reply coldly.
"I know this isn't the best time honey but I am here for you" she says genuinely. "Look I know what I'm like and you know I love you but I never want to see you get hurt and I get that you're hurt right now so as a friend I want to support you."
"Support, right sure" I laugh it off shaking my head.
"Hey, you ok?" she asks frowning at me. I don't answer initially, I just turn around and lean in very close to her so I can whisper in her ear.
"I never want to see you again, how's that for being ok" I say harshly.
"Wait…what?" she asks shocked.
"You've basically just ruined my life Brittany" I spit.
"I ruined your life?" she questions annoyed. "You have no idea what you've done to me Santana."
"I didn't turn up at your wedding and ruin your relationship Brittany" I state.
"I might not have handled this the best way but surely you wouldn't have went ahead and married her without telling her the truth anyway" she says.
"Dani and I were doing fine before you turned up here" I tell her.
"Exactly, you were just fine" Brittany states. "Your relationship shouldn't be fine, it should be better than that and most importantly it shouldn't involve lies either."
"Yeah and it shouldn't involve exes turning up unwanted either so how about you just leave" I state shaking my head.
"I can't leave just yet" Brittany replies.
"I don't even know why you're still here. You got what you wanted which was to split Dani and I up so what are you doing still hanging around here?" I ask.
"Like I told you before, I am here on a business venture" she states.
"You say that but you very seldom leave the hotel so what exactly could you be doing if you don't even go to any meetings for this business thing" I say.
"The meetings are being held in the hotel, that's why I don't leave" she replies.
"Brittany you don't need to keep lying to me. Just admit you're here to get me back and you won't leave until you get what you want" I sigh.
"Ok yes I did come here to make you realise you were making a huge mistake but I know you don't want me anymore so I've let that go" Brittany replies. "I am not lying though about my business meetings."
"Oh really?" I ask, still not believing her.
"Santana the business I am here for is the hotel" she states.
"Wait…what?" I ask confused.
"I'm buying a stake in this hotel, one of the partners is selling so I'm taking it over from them" she replies.
"Now you're just making me out to be a fool because what would a professional dancer want with a hotel?" I shake my head. She's just making up excuses now for being here when we know the real reason is me.
"I swear Santana I am buying a part of this hotel" she says seriously.
"No you can't be, no one can be selling anything right now" I state.
"Honestly Santana" she states.
"But I booked my wedding here ages ago so shouldn't I have knew about problems the hotel was having. Shouldn't they have informed me that there was going to be new ownership when I have brought a lot of business to them?" I ask confused.
"It wasn't going to affect any of the customers because nothing was going to change right now. It's still under the same ownership at the moment" Brittany replies.
"This is unbelievable, I was about to get married in a hotel my ex is about to buy" I laugh in disbelief. "My whole wedding was doomed before we even knew it" I shake my head.
"Look this deal was on before I even knew you were getting married but I won't lie, when I found out what week you were having the wedding, I did bring the meetings forward" she replies honestly.
"Of course you did" I shrug getting tired of this conversation. Before Brittany can say anything else Ava comes out of the bathroom.
"Are you ready to go Brittany?" Ava asks.
"Yeah" Brittany nods looking over at Ava before turning back to me. "Look Ava and I need to go now" she sighs.
"Ok well go instead of staring at me" I say after a second once I noticed she hasn't moved.
"Ok" she sighs before standing up and leaving with Ava.
XXX
An hour or so later when I'm lying in bed sulking and thinking of how to get Dani back, I see Ava walk in the door. I run over to her because I want to talk to her about this Dani thing but as soon as I get off the bed, I notice Brittany walk in behind her.
"Ava why is she here again?" I ask rolling my eyes at Brittany. "We're leaving soon so what's going on?" I ask.
"Brittany is going to see her parents soon so she's going to be in the area for a little longer so she and I are doing dinner tonight at your place to finish our conversation" Ava replies.
"No that can't happen because I'm staying there obviously" I state.
"I know but you're letting me stay there until I get my flight home tomorrow" Ava states.
"Yes but mom and dad are staying there as well so there really isn't any room for Brittany at my place tonight, not even to visit" I reply.
"Mom and dad are going out for dinner tonight with some friends so they won't be there when Brittany is coming over" Ava tells me.
"I'm your sister Ava, does that mean nothing to you?" I ask bluntly.
"Excuse me?" Ava asks.
"Can't you see things aren't good right now?" I ask. "Don't you think you should be showing your sister some compassion and not take her exes side?"
"Santana there are no sides because I still care about you" Brittany interjects.
"There are sides because she's my sister and you're my ex. It's weird that you two are hanging out like there's nothing going on right now" I reply.
"I can be friends with Brittany and be your sister Santana so just calm down please" Ava replies.
"I am calm, I'm just saying it's weird" I shrug. "Look I need to go home now anyway so are you riding with me Ava or are you getting your new bestie to take you home?"
"I'm riding with you, Brittany will leave in her own car" Ava tells me.
"Ok" I nod.
"So I'll see you tonight Brittany?" Ava smiles at her.
"Yeah see you tonight" Brittany smiles back before turning to me. "Bye Santana" she says quietly.
"Yeah, goodbye" I sigh and then Brittany leaves. Ava and I quickly get ready and then drive back to my place with my parents.
As soon as I get back to my apartment, I begin unpacking my things. Rachel and Kurt said they would stay with Rachel's aunt tonight so my parents could stay at the apartment with me. My mom is currently helping me put my stuff away while my dad makes some coffee in the kitchen. Even though Dani and I didn't live together, its funny how much of her things are actually at my place. Each item I see just reminds me of how close I was to happiness until Brittany turned up.
"Santana…Santana!" my mom says loudly causing me to snap my head in her direction. "Are you ok, you were standing staring at the wall?" she asks worriedly.
"Not really but what can I do" I say taking a deep breath.
"Honey I don't know the whole story but you did cheat on her Santana, that's a lot for someone to get over so I'm not surprised Dani isn't taking things well" my mom replies.
"I never meant to hurt her mom" I say honestly.
"I know you didn't but it still happened so you need to give her time" my mom tells me.
"I suppose" I nod.
"Look your dad and I are meant to be going out soon but if you want I'll cancel because I don't want you to be sitting here alone when you're feeling like this" she says.
"No its fine mom, you and dad should still go out" I reply. "Ava is going to be here anyway plus she's having Brittany over so it's going to be really awkward so trust me, you don't want to be here tonight."
XXX
"Are you sure you don't want some food Santana, there's plenty here?" Ava asks me for the fifth time already.
"No I don't, I'll get something later" I reply while shooting her a glare.
"Please don't be like this Santana, have some food with us and let's try and get somewhere productive" Brittany says. "We both love each other so let's be mature adults and work this out because there must be a solution we can come up with."
"Don't make me get into this again, let's just leave things where they are because I can't be with you as much as you want me to. Let me get on with my life and you get on with yours" I say taking a deep breath. You'd think I'd be seriously dizzy right now with the amount of times Brittany and I keep going round in circles.
"Look why don't I leave you two alone to talk because you and I are finished our talk and I'll see you before you leave tomorrow" Ava says standing up from the table.
"That's not necessary Ava because I don't want to talk anymore" I reply.
"Well at least end things appropriately then" Ava says. "I'll be in your room Santana" she says and walks off.
"Let's cut a long story short, I love you, you love me and I think we can work things out if you keep an open mind" Brittany says.
"Please stop this" I sigh. "I worked my ass off to get over you and when I did I finally thought I was going to live happily ever after and now I'm not so I'm not in the mood" I shrug.
"You're not over me though" she states.
"Yes I still love you but that doesn't mean we were going to work. We found out in the end we are toxic together so they'll never be a you and me because we can never be together no matter how much I still love you" I state. "I loved Dani too and we worked together so she was the one for me."
"Santana…" Brittany sighs. "You can blame me all you want but you and Dani would never work together, not with the way you treated her."
"Excuse me?" I ask offended.
"How many times did we have sex when you two were together and how do you think someone feels when you tell them you love them but you also love someone else as well?" she asks.
"Ok so I wasn't the best girlfriend to her but I still love her and we were going to be happy" I state.
"You are living in some dreamland Santana, you really are" Brittany shakes her head.
"How did you come to that conclusion?" I ask.
"Do you know what, you're not the Santana Lopez I fell in love with" she shrugs.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask annoyed.
"We all know I have my faults and I did turn up here because I still loved you but what you're doing to Dani is wrong. You say you love her and want to be with her but yet you sleep with me and admit you still love me. You just want happiness for yourself. You're only mad right now because you're single and are too scared to work things out with me. You don't even care that you've broke Dani's heart or strung her along" she says before taking a deep sigh to end her rant.
"Brittany I do care that I hurt her, you have no idea how bad I feel about it" I say genuinely. "I'm not immune to feelings so I do know what I did was wrong but I also know that Dani and I are meant for each other."
"No, you're really not" Brittany laughs. "Look you've said it yourself that you still love me and I love you so we're the ones that are meant to be."
"Oh my god Brittany, you and I can't be together" I say in frustration.
"We can because you know you love me and you know I'm willing to help you achieve whatever you want yet you don't even acknowledge it" she states.
"I do acknowledge it but there's no way we would work. I'm tired of saying it but it's the truth. I can't follow you around while you achieve your dreams and I don't want you to follow me around. There is no way where we can both win" I sigh.
"Santana you just need to open yourself up to other opportunities and eventually you and I could meet in the middle somewhere. I really believe our passions can both be achieved here" she says strongly.
"No they can't" I state firmly.
"Let me guess, you've suddenly found your dream now?" she asks cheekily.
"Not exactly" I shake my head. "I'm still just doing things here and there in New York but I don't want to go anywhere else."
"So you won't even consider living somewhere else?" Brittany asks.
"No I won't" I shake my head. I wish it were that simple but things aren't so I don't want to suddenly move somewhere else and regret it.
"I don't know what else to say" Brittany sighs.
"Yeah me neither" I agree.
"I guess this really is it then" Brittany says taking a deep breath. "I'm not going to fight for you anymore Santana so you really don't need to worry about me" she says genuinely.
"Ok" I nod.
"That doesn't mean I'll give up on you though. I want you to know that I care about you and if you ever need something then I am here for you" she says.
"I guess I should say goodbye then" I say sadly. It is the right thing to do even though it's hard.
"Yeah, goodbye Santana" Brittany replies smiling sadly. "Could I give you a hug?" she asks hesitantly.
"Ok" I nod. Brittany moves closer and hugs me. When we finally pull out of the hug, Brittany gets up and walks to the door. We don't say anything else and as soon as Brittany leaves, I can't help but shed a few tears. Just because I don't think we'll work doesn't mean I wouldn't miss her so much.
The next day
My parents and I are just eating breakfast together before I drive them to the airport. As much as I like having them here, I think it'll be better when they go back home because too much if different right now so it's hard to get back to some sort of normality. Not only are they here which isn't a usual thing but I'm also not with Dani right now and Brittany is here.
"I never understood why you couldn't work things out with Brittany" my mom says looking over at me.
"Is there something wrong with Dani mom?" I ask slightly offended.
"Of course not, you know I like her" she says. "I was just saying though, you and Brittany seemed so perfect together so I never could understand what went wrong."
"I'm not getting into this again" I shake my head in annoyance.
"You two just seemed made for each other" my mom says. "Oh and the way she planned to propose was just spectacular" she states.
"And the ring was huge" my dad points out.
"Ok let's back this thing right up" I state confused. "Did you say propose?"
"Yeah we're talking about when Brittany was going to propose to you" my dad states.
"Which was when?" I ask still confused by this.
"Wait you didn't know?" my dad asks frowning in confusion.
"How would I know?" I ask like it's obvious.
"She didn't tell you?" my mom asks.
"No she never told me anything about proposing or a ring" I reply slightly shocked. I had no idea marriage was even on the cards when we were together.
"Well I can assure you she was going to propose" my dad says.
"I do believe you, I'm just surprised that's all" I admit.
XXX
As soon as I take my parents to the airport, I quickly take a detour as I'm leaving and don't go straight home. I make my way to Brittany's parent's house hoping she's still there so I can talk to her about the proposal. Once I quickly park up outside I run over to the door and knock on it. It takes a few seconds before the door opens.
"Santana what on earth are you doing here?" Brittany asks shocked. "You know I'm catching a flight tonight because I've got a show in Portland in a few days."
"I know but I need to talk to you about something before you go because I might never see you again" I state.
"Ok well you best come in then" she says opening the door wider so I can walk in. She closes it behind me and we go to the kitchen. "Do you want some coffee?" she asks.
"No I better not stay long" I reply.
"Ok so what did you want to talk about?" she asks.
"Why did you never tell me you were going to propose to me?" I ask.
"I don't know what you're talking about" she frowns in confusion but I don't buy it.
"Don't start that nonsense, my parents have just let it slip and told me all about you asking my dad if you could marry me" I state.
"Oh…" she nods.
"Answer the question then, why did you never tell me before and why did you never actually go through with it?" I ask.
"Well when someone breaks up with you it's not really the most romantic setting to propose" she states. "The night you broke up with me was the night I had planned to do it."
"Oh…wow" I say surprised.
"Does it really matter anymore anyway because you've made it abundantly clear you'll never take me back?" Brittany asks sadly.
"It does matter because getting married is a big thing, I should know since I almost did just get married" I state.
"I know marriage is a big thing" she states.
"Look are you honestly telling me you would be able to get married to me knowing neither of us wanted the same things regarding our careers?" I ask.
"Yes" Brittany nods.
"Our relationship was barely surviving so marrying me wouldn't have helped that. Like I said before I didn't want to follow you around and regret it and I didn't want you to do the same for me. There was no way both dreams could happen" I say. I just can't believe Brittany would want to get married when we couldn't work things out. I know she loved me but marriage is a big step and I can't believe she would be willing to settle for me when she wouldn't be happy.
"Santana my dream was you" Brittany sighs. "I would give up dancing in a heartbeat to be with you but the reason I haven't is because I know I don't need to because there are still ways to work this out."
"I would hate myself if you ever gave up dancing for me because you shouldn't give up something you love for the sake of some stupid girl who has been a bitch to you" I sigh.
"You're something I love though so I wouldn't be giving you up" Brittany points out.
"Brittany you need to find something else because I'm not right for you. As much as I love you I don't want you to settle for me because I know you won't be happy and I won't be either because I'll know I made you like this" I say honestly.
"Look let's just leave this here then because we both have different opinions on the situation so we're only going to continue to go around in circles" Brittany sighs. "You know now I was going to propose but you no longer want to be together so let's not make this any harder. I think you should just leave now."
"Ok I'll go but please don't wait around, just be happy" I say with a small smile.
"It'll take some time but I'll try" Brittany admits.
"I guess this is goodbye again then?" I say.
"Yeah it is" Brittany nods. "But before you go, I know we're not friends…or even anything for that matter, but I want you to do something for me please" she says.
"Um…I don't know" I state unsurely.
"I know you want to stay in New York but I think you should go to California and audition for a TV show that's being made at the moment" she tells me.
"A TV show?" I ask and she nods. "What would I be doing, would they want me for a guest part to sing or something?" I ask confused.
"No I want you to audition for one of the main characters because I think you'd do well in acting. Singing and dancing don't seem to have your full focus so maybe acting is more your thing" she points out.
"I don't know about that" I shake my head.
"Look if it doesn't work out then go back to New York" she says. "I know you're scared to work things out with me in case someone gets hurt but this is your career Santana so try something new and if you don't like it then you're not hurting anyone."
"I don't know about California but I am willing to try and maybe do something different" I admit. I guess Brittany has a point because if things don't work out doing something different then it only affects me, it's not like I'm bringing someone else down if I'm not even with anyone.
"Good" she smiles. "Anyway you should go now…so uh…goodbye Santana" she says hesitantly.
"Yeah" I nod but I don't really move. I don't want to go right now, I don't think I want to leave things like this. "Wait…I don't want to go right now" I sigh.
"Why what's wrong?" Brittany asks in concern.
"I don't want you leaving tonight and thinking I don't give a shit about you" I say. "I might not be able to be with you Brittany but I care about you so much and I want you to know that" I say honestly.
"It's fine Santana, I know you care and whatever" she smiles.
"Look if you don't need to rush off today then let's hang out tonight and then I'll take you to the airport. Let's not end this on a bad note, ok?" I say.
"Ok" Brittany smiles.
Brittany's POV (1 month later)
I'm sitting in my hotel room eating breakfast while I go through some of my emails on my iPad. I've got a dancing gig on at the moment but I'm due to fly back to New York next week to talk to some people about a new show that's in the pipeline so I'm looking through my emails to see my schedule. I wanted to try and see my parents in the middle of it if I could because I'm never in the one place so they don't tend to be able to come and visit me so I always go to them whenever I'm in New York.
Once I'm about to text my mom to tell her when I'll likely be in New York, my phone suddenly vibrates with a text from someone else. As soon as I open it, my heart starts beating faster when I realise who it is.
From Santana: Hey, it's Santana. I really hope this is still your number because we didn't actually say one way or another when we last saw each other if we had changed them so if it is then maybe you could text me back.
This is such a surprise because I never thought I'd hear from her again. We did leave things in a good way but it also seemed really final as well like we never thought we'd see each other again. If she wants to talk to me though then I'm ok with that because as much as I know we can't be together I still want to talk to her so I'm going to text her back.
I text: yeah it's still my number : )
Santana texts: where are you based at the moment?
I text: I'm in LA just now because I'm currently dancing backup for someone
Santana texts: how long will you be there and where do you go next?
I text: I don't mean to be rude but what's going on here?
I'm starting to get a little confused now because she seems really interested in what's going on with me but yet she isn't divulging why she wants to know. Initially I just thought it was just a quick text to tell me she was maybe back with Dani or something but it doesn't seem like it anymore.
Santana texts: I want to meet up with you
Ok so that really has surprised me. Surely if she was with Dani then she wouldn't want to see me anymore so maybe she wants to be friends or something. I would love to say she wants me back but somehow I think I'm pushing my luck there.
I text: oh…well I'm here for another week
Santana texts: ok well I need to head out now but maybe you could text me where you're staying and I'll come find you as soon as I can
I text: seriously?
Santana texts: yeah : )
I don't know what to think of this because she can't seriously be about to jump on a plane to just meet with me. Surely she has work at the moment or something. I mean this is all really sudden and even if she is going to fly here it's going to take a good few hours anyway and that's after she finds out where I am and books the flight.
Even though it's confusing me, I text her where I am anyway because it's Santana. If Santana wants to meet with me then I'm not about to stop her.