Chapter 8: Progress
Brittany's POV
It's been about 45 minutes since I last heard from Santana. I text her half an hour ago telling her which hotel I was at and where it was but I haven't heard back. I just hope she got my text because I'd hate her to be sitting waiting on me replying thinking I haven't text her back.
After constantly checking my phone every few seconds for the next five minutes, I realise I need to relax and if Santana texts back then fine but if she doesn't then maybe I'll try again tomorrow. If she hasn't got my text then there's nothing I can do about it right now, I need to focus on work.
Once I finally get round to texting my mom like I was supposed to do before Santana texted me, I start to tidy up a little and make sure I have everything sorted for tonight. I'm just ironing what I'll wear tonight for the show I'm doing when someone knocks on the door. I quickly sit the iron down and switch it off before walking over to the door. As soon as I open it my heart beats 10 times faster.
"Oh my god" I say in shock.
"Hi" Santana replies.
"You actually came" I smile. I am so unbelievably happy right now.
"I said I would, didn't I?" she smiles back. "So…can I come in?"
"Of course" I laugh while opening the door a little bit wider. She walks in and I close it behind her.
"Nice room" Santana says looking around.
"Thanks, I guess" I chuckle nervously. I don't really know what to say to that because it's not my room as such, it's the hotel's that I'm just staying in until the show is over.
"Can we sit?" Santana asks pointing to the couch.
"Yeah of course" I nod eagerly before joining her on the sofa.
"So…" Santana says nervously while looking at me.
"Yeah" I smile. "Uh…can I get you a drink or something?" I ask as a silence fills the air around us.
"Sure" she smiles, "what have you got?"
"Not a lot really but there were some complimentary drinks in the fridge when I arrived the other night and I haven't drank any yet" I reply.
"Cool" Santana smiles.
"They're kinda all alcoholic, is that ok?" I ask hesitantly. I mean it's not even lunchtime yet so maybe she doesn't want to be drinking at this time.
"Hey you know me Britt, I'll never say no to a cheeky cocktail" she smirks.
"Actually I have a couple of bottles of water too if you'd rather that" I offer.
"No alcohol is good" Santana smiles. "We might as well get the party started already" she chuckles.
"Ok so what will I make?" I ask.
"Surprise me" she smiles and I nod. As soon as I fix us some drinks I join her on the couch again.
"So what are you doing in California then?" I ask.
"I had a second audition actually" she smiles.
"Oh that's good" I say genuinely. "Is it for something in New York but you had to audition here for them?"
"No it's actually for a TV show here in California" she replies.
"Wait…you mean you auditioned for the show I told you to?" I smile.
"I did and now they want me to come back and do something else for them" she tells me.
"That's positive then" I tell her.
"I mean they liked me at the first audition but they want me to audition again for a few of the other producers to make sure they get the casting right" she replies.
"Well I'm sure you'll do well because you're always amazing at whatever you do" I smile.
"I don't know about that but I am feeling really confident about the audition" Santana says.
"So when is it?" I ask.
"Tomorrow at 10am" she replies. "Anyway enough about me, what have you got going on at the moment?" she asks.
"Well I'm a backup dancer for a new singer who's doing a mini tour right now. She's relatively new to the music business so she's doing a few shows to get her name out there" I reply. "I mean it doesn't pay as much as I'd like but it's a job and right now I need something to do."
"Why what's going on with you?" she asks curiously.
"I just don't know if I want to keep doing this dancing thing" I admit honestly.
"Oh really?" Santana asks surprised.
"Don't get me wrong I love dancing but I haven't been getting steady jobs the last few weeks. It's like a week doing this is LA or a week doing something else in Chicago. I don't mind traveling for something but I'd rather travel while doing the same thing you know?" I reply.
"Yeah I understand" Santana nods.
"Maybe I should just go back to teaching" I sigh.
"No Brittany you can't do that" Santana shakes her head. "I'm not saying there is anything wrong with teaching but for someone with your ability then you deserve to be paid a heck of a lot more than what a teacher would be."
"I suppose" I reply. I mean I guess Santana does have a bit of a point there.
"So what time do you start tonight?" she asks.
"The show starts at 8 but we need to be there a few hours before to prepare and sort out a few things before we hit the stage" I say.
"Cool" Santana smiles. "Hey, is it a sold out gig because I'd like to go and see you dance."
"I could probably get you in tonight if you really wanted to go" I say.
"I do, I really want to see you dance again" she smiles.
"Ok, I'll see what I can do tonight" I smile back.
"Awesome" she replies.
"I assume you're staying close by if you're here and you want to go to the show tonight" I say.
"I am, I'm staying in a hotel not far from here actually" she replies.
"Cool" I smile. "So while we're on the subject about being here, why did you want to meet with me?" I ask.
"Because you're Brittany and I couldn't imagine not ever seeing you again" she states. "After we broke up I think I always had that feeling in the back of my mind that we'd always be in one another's lives. Knowing we would always see each other again kept me going but that night we said goodbye and agreed to never see one another again absolutely killed me. I couldn't imagine my life without you in it in some capacity" she says honestly.
"I know what you're saying but you made it clear you didn't want to get back together with me" I say.
"I know and I don't" she states.
"You really don't?" I question.
"Yes…I mean no…look I don't know" she sighs while throwing her head back in frustration. "I definitely want to be in your life Brittany but I just don't know what I want with regards more than that."
"What's going on with Dani and you?" I ask.
"Nothing, I haven't spoken to her since the last time you were there" she states.
"Ok but what do you want to happen?" I ask.
"Honestly if I said I missed her terribly then I'd be lying" she admits. "Don't get me wrong I know I was a huge bitch to her and I hate that about myself but maybe you were partly right."
"Right about what?" I frown in confusion.
"That I wanted the happiness and the wedding of it all, not Dani" she replies.
"I didn't mean that Santana, I said it because I was hurt and I wanted you" I say feeling bad about it.
"No but I think it was actually true" she states.
"So in what way do you want to go from here?" I ask. "What were your intentions when you text me this morning?"
"I just wanted to see you Brittany because I miss you and I can't live without you" she admits. "I'm not saying let's get back together, I'm just saying can I be in your life a little bit?" she asks.
"Um…" I really want to say yes but what if that makes things worse. I'll always want more than what Santana is willing to give so should I really put myself through that.
"Do you want us to keep in touch?" she asks.
"I really do but at the same time I know I'm always going to want more from you. I'm going to want what you can't give me so I don't know how I'll feel about that" I say honestly. "I mean think about in years to come, what if we finally find someone else, can we go through what just happened again. I actually thought you were going to marry Dani so I don't know if I could go through with that again."
"I'm hoping by that time we'll have figured things out and we'll be in a better place" she tells me.
"Hopefully we will but why can't we be there now, you know?" I reply. "If we think it'll happen in a year then why aren't we able to figure these things out now?"
"We just need to start out as friends again and take things slowly" Santana states.
"Ok" I nod. We fall into a silence for a few minutes but there's just something I need to ask her but I don't know if I really want the answer.
"Are you ok?" she asks looking at me, presumably noticing how hesitant I am right now to say something.
"I need to ask something but I don't know if I'll like the answer" I admit.
"Maybe you should just ask anyway because it'll only bubble up inside if you don't" she says.
"Ok so here's the thing…" I say nervously before taking a deep breath. "Is there any kind of possibility that we could maybe ever be together?"
"Honestly Britt, I don't know" she sighs. "I don't want to say yes and give you mixed signals or lead you on but I can't say no either because I've realised now that things don't always happen the way you expect them too."
"But you maybe would be open to being with me if it felt right?" I ask hopefully.
"Maybe in the future if neither of us were with the right person" she admits, "but that doesn't mean stop looking for someone. You need to be with a nice girl Brittany who loves you so don't give up on finding someone just because I might eventually get my messed up life in order."
"Do you know what we should do, let's just forget about everything and have a fun week. We're both here for another few days and you're coming to watch my show tonight so let's just enjoy the present and worry about the future later" I suggest.
"I agree" she smiles.
Santana's POV
I really enjoyed myself last night at Brittany's show. Once she was done she let me come backstage and I met some of the other dancers and then we all went out for a drink together. We all went back to Brittany's hotel room and had a few more drinks before everyone started going back to their rooms. Brittany and one of the other dancers walked me back to my hotel so I wasn't on my own and then they went back to their hotel.
I'm now just hanging out in my room trying to stay calm and prepare myself for my audition in 2 hours. I'm also kind of waiting on Brittany texting me because she promised she would send me a quick text before I left for the audition. I assume she just meant a quick good luck text or something. To be honest with you I thought she would have texted me by now but maybe she's forgot.
Just as I'm thinking about texting Brittany to make sure everything is ok, there's a knock at the door. I go over and open it and to my surprise it's Brittany.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" I ask, surprised but still happy to see her.
"Well since my next show isn't until tonight then I thought maybe I could tag along to the audition with you today" she suggests.
"You don't need to do that" I shake my head.
"But I want to plus wouldn't you feel better with a familiar face around?" she asks.
"Yeah I guess I would" I nod.
"Cool so what are you wearing to your audition?" she asks.
"I was thinking of this" I say while pointing towards the dress hanging up on the door.
"Yeah it's nice. It's elegant but still sexy" she smiles at me. "All the male producers should like you in that" she teases.
"I was hoping they'd like me for my acting skills and not the way I look but who am I kidding" I say shaking my head. We all know how these things go, it's all about looks in this business.
"Well whatever happens I'll be there to support you" she smiles.
XXX
The audition seemed to go really well which I was pleased about. I just need to wait now and see what they say when they call me back. Brittany and I are currently having lunch together and just talking about things.
"So your last show is tomorrow, right?" I ask.
"Yes it is and I have a flight the next day" she replies.
"So what are your plans after that then?" I ask.
"I actually have some time off so I did want to go back to New York and visit my parents" she replies.
"Cool" I nod.
"What about you, what are you up to now that you're audition is over?" Brittany asks.
"Going back to New York" I reply. "If I am lucky enough to get this TV show then they don't start shooting for another few months yet so I'll just spend some time there."
"Cool" she smiles.
"Are you staying with your parent's then?" I ask interested.
"I haven't actually decided yet. Ever since I sublet my apartment, I've been staying with them whenever I'm in New York but I feel bad for that. It's like I just show up, take up their house and eat their food" she says honestly.
"They're your parents though so they probably don't even mind" I point out.
"I know but my siblings don't do that so I probably should be paying my way when I'm in New York whether that's staying in a hotel or giving them some money for my time at their house" she states.
"You know you could always stay at your hotel" I smirk.
"The deal hasn't quite been finalised yet so I probably shouldn't" she states.
"Yeah you probably shouldn't anyway because I wouldn't be able to visit you there. It'd been too many weird memories since the last time I was there I was supposed to get married" I say.
"True" she nods.
"Look why don't you just come and stay with me" I tell her.
"I don't want to put you out Santana" she states.
"Trust me, you're not" I say genuinely.
"Ok, I'll stay with you then" she smiles. "So when is your flight back home?" she asks.
"It was supposed to be tomorrow but I might just reschedule and fly back with you the next day" I reply.
"Ok cool" she smiles again. "I feel a lot better now because I won't be travelling alone" she says.
"Yeah me too" I reply. "It'll be nice to have some company on a boring flight."
"It will" she smiles. "Hey do you remember the last time we were on a plane together. We were going on a trip somewhere together and you…"
"Suggested we had sex in the bathroom and then we did?" I smirk at the memory.
"I was actually just going to say you fell asleep and end up drooling on the guy sitting next to us" she says.
"Oh right, yeah" I say laughing.
"I think the time before that though we did have sex on the plane" she smirks.
"Despite all our problems, when we were good we were good you know" I smile. We did have some amazing times together.
Brittany has been crashing at my place for a few days now. Rachel isn't too happy about it but if it wasn't for me then we wouldn't have this place so I don't really care what she thinks. To be honest she spends most of her time practicing at college anyway so she's barely here.
I'm currently just walking around the apartment in just a towel because I was planning on showering but Brittany got there first. We got into a playful fight but she won so now I'm just waiting around. I didn't see the point in putting clothes back on because she shouldn't be too long in the shower. I'm in the middle of clearing the breakfast dishes away when there's a knock at the door. However I've opened the door before I've even registered I'm not wearing a whole lot.
"Hi" Dani says.
"Dani…hi" I say completely surprised.
"Is this a bad time?" Dani asks
"Uh…no" I reply hesitantly. It's not the best time since I'm barely wearing anything but I also don't want to say she can't come in because this is the first time I've seen her in a while so I don't want to have to wait another month before we talk.
"I just came here to get a few of my things" she replies.
"That's cool" I nod. "Where are they and I can just grab them?"
"They're kind of all over so it's probably better I look for them myself" she admits.
"Um…ok" I nod before stepping to the side to let her into the apartment. She comes in and begins looking for some of her things. She's right in the middle of collecting a few of her notepads with some lyrics on them that were in the living room when suddenly my heart starts racing.
"Santana I think the water is about to get cold because there's only so much hot water left so we should…uh…Dani" Brittany says walking into the room before stumbling on her words when she sees Dani.
"Wow" Dani mutters upset.
"This is not what it looks like" I state.
"Really?" she questions.
"Yes" I state firmly.
"So your ex-girlfriend did not just walk out of your bathroom wearing the smallest towel I have ever seen?" she asks.
"Ok so that's exactly what that looks like" I point out. "What I mean though is that there's nothing going on with us."
"Santana you really don't need to explain" Dani shakes her head. "You could have warned me though before I walked in here because it's humiliating enough to cheat on me but to then basically show me what you get up to is worse."
"Santana and I really aren't together" Brittany states.
"I'm talking to my fiancée not you" Dani glares at Brittany.
"You can't just call her your fiancée when it suits you" Brittany states. "You broke up with Santana and then called off the wedding and you haven't even spoken to her in a month so you got to make up your damn mind."
"Are you going to let her talk to me like that Santana?" Dani asks looking at me.
"Well she kinda has a point" I shrug.
"Do you know what, we are definitely over now" Dani shakes her head while walking to the door. "If I've left anything else then just get the stuff mailed to my parent's house."
"Or I could just trash them" Brittany smirks.
"Whatever" Dani rolls her eyes before storming out of the apartment.
"This is so messed up" I shake my head.
"You can't seriously still want to be with her" Brittany states.
"It's not that Brittany, it's just I treated her so badly and now she thinks we're together. I don't want her to think this was my intention all along because I really loved her" I say genuinely.
"You said loved not love, does this mean you don't love her anymore?" Brittany asks hopefully.
"I mean I do still care about her because this was all my fault but if you're asking if I see a future with Dani then I don't anymore" I admit.
"Ok" Brittany nods.
"Anyway she's left now so let's just forget about that and get ready" I say. "We've got some shopping to do and then you're taking me to lunch" I smile.
"Why is it my treat?" she smirks.
"Because I'm letting you stay here for a few days for free" I smirk back.
"Ok fair enough" she laughs. "Anyway I'm done in the shower so it's free for you to use it now" she tells me.
"Ok thank you" I say before going to get ready for the day. As soon as I'm done I meet Brittany in the living room and we head out. "Excuse me, my eyes are up here" I state as I notice Brittany staring at me.
"That's great but mine are currently on your chest" she smiles smugly.
"You know what…never mind" I laugh.
"I'm sorry but you just look amazing right now so I can't take my eyes off of you" she smiles.
XXX
Brittany and I are sitting at lunch together. She got a call about half an hour ago about doing another show so she's going to be leaving New York tomorrow which is a lot sooner than we thought.
"So what time if your flight tomorrow?" I ask.
"10am" she replies.
"Ok well I can drive you to the airport" I smile.
"Ok thanks" she smiles.
"Speaking of cars, I actually think I still have a spare set of Dani's car keys" I point out.
"You still love Dani, don't you?" Brittany sighs.
"Britt you asked me that earlier" I say.
"I know but you haven't stopped talking about her ever since we left the apartment this morning" she replies.
"It's only because I need to remember everything I still have of hers so I can return them to her. The car reminded me of her car keys and the dress we saw earlier reminded me that I still have some of her clothes in my closet" I say honestly.
"If you're still into Dani then I get it, it's ok" Brittany says taking a deep breath. "It's your life and if she's who you want then fine."
"I realise now that Dani and I aren't meant to be together but it doesn't mean I should forget about everything I put her through" I say. "I need to make sure I do things in an adult way now and give her back her stuff. It's the least I can do."
"Ok, fine" Brittany shrugs.
2 months later
I'm finally seeing Brittany again today which I'm so excited about. The last 2 months have been quite hard because I've been wrapping up a few things in New York before making this big step in moving to California. I got the role in the TV show Brittany suggested I do so I'm finally doing something good with my life and taking a few more risks. I mean let's face it I wasn't going anywhere confining myself to New York so I'm happy now that I feel I can do this.
I have spoken to Brittany through text and things like that the last couple of months but we haven't actually talked nearly as much as I hoped we would. The last few weeks she seems a little off with me so I just hope everything is ok with us. It was perhaps slightly awkward that day Dani came to the apartment but Brittany still spent the night at my place and I still took her to the airport so I can't imagine much went wrong.
Brittany is back in New York to see her parents for a few days and then she goes to California too so I was thinking about asking to come with me. She had only planned to go for a few days to see a few dancer friends but I think I'm going to take a risk and asks if she wants to stay longer with me. I have missed her so much and with me taking this big risk in moving to another state then I actually think I'm in a better place now and I think maybe Brittany and I could be something again. She hasn't said anything recently but before she left 2 months ago I got the feeling she still wanted us so maybe things could be ok.
As soon as there's a knock on the door, I run over and answer it as quickly as I can. Luckily enough it is Brittany on the other side of the door.
"Hey" I smile before leaning in to hug her. "I missed you so much" I tell her.
"I missed you too" she says giving me a small smile.
"What's wrong?" I ask noticing she's not as happy as I thought she would be.
"I kinda need to talk to you about something Santana" she says sadly.
"Well I actually need to talk to you too and I think you're going to like what I want to say" I smile.
"Ok so what is it?" she asks.
"Recently I've came to a realisation about a few things and I think I want you and I to see if maybe we could work again" I say.
"Oh wow" Brittany says surprised.
"I have no idea if we will be able to work but I'm willing to try and we don't need to start too full on or anything. We can just hang out, maybe have a few dates and see where things might go" I tell her.
"What has brought all this on?" she asks.
"Well I've had time to think since I've been alone recently and now I feel I can make big decisions in taking on new opportunities and I'm not limiting myself to New York so there is probably a way where we can both win" I smile. "And before you say anything, I am willing to admit you were right" I smirk.
"I see" she nods in understanding.
"You don't look too happy about this" I point out. "Is this something you don't want anymore because from what I got you seemed to still like me?"
"If you had said this 2 months ago then I would have been all over you right now but these last few weeks, I've kinda trained my mind into thinking we would never happen" she admits.
"Can't you just train it back then?" I joke.
"Look…I need to tell you something" she says taking a deep breath.
"Ok what?" I smile.
"I'm having a baby Santana" she sighs.
"I'm sorry, you're having a what now?" I ask completely floored by the news.