Chapter 9: It's not what it seems

"Look…I need to tell you something" she says taking a deep breath.

"Ok what?" I smile while reaching over to take her hand in mine.

"I'm having a baby Santana" she sighs.

"I'm sorry, you're having a what now?" I ask completely floored by the news. I immediately drop her hand and start pacing up and down the room.

"I thought there was no hope for us anymore so I did what you said and got on with my life. You told me to start looking for someone and make progress with my life. You said you didn't want me to wait around for you" she replies.

"I know but a fucking baby Brittany" I state. I don't mean to swear but I'm kinda angry right now. I know what I said but it's only been two months so I didn't think she would have moved on that soon. Fair enough if I said that and it was 6 months later then I'd hold my hands up but she told me 2 months ago she still loved me.

"I'm 26 now and I always wanted to have a few kids and I feel I am ready now to take the next step and have a baby" she admits.

"I know you always wanted kids but this just seems really sudden to me" I admit.

"I must admit things did happen a lot quicker than I thought they would but this is what I wanted anyway. A baby will make me happy and perhaps I need to take a step back from dancing right now anyway so it's a good time to have a baby" she tells me.

"I just don't understand though, I mean you're a lesbian Brittany" I state. I don't necessarily like labels but for goodness sake, she's only ever dated girls so this is just weird to start dating men now. I mean did I put her off that much.

"Lesbians can still have children Santana" she glares at me.

"I know that" I say shaking my head. "I mean since when have you been into guys?"

"I'm not into guys though" she frowns in confusion.

"So what you just hooked up with one in the off chance he'd impregnate you?" I ask.

"What on earth are you talking about, there is no guy" she states.

"Then how are you pregnant?" I ask.

"I'm doing IVF so I used a sperm donor" she replies. "Santana I'm not in a relationship with anyone, I'm doing this on my own."

"Wow…ok" I say laughing.

"This is not funny, this is my life Santana and I made that choice" she frowns at me.

"I'm not laughing at you, sorry" I apologise. "I am laughing in relief because I completely misunderstood what you were saying. I thought you were with a guy now and you were having his baby."

"No I'm doing this on my own" she replies.

"I mean this is still quite a sticky situation for me but it's a little clearer than when I first heard you say you were having a baby" I admit. "I just want to clarify something though, are you actually pregnant right now or in the process of getting pregnant?"

"No I am actually pregnant" she states.

"Ok" I nod.

"Like I say I didn't think it would happen this quickly. You see so many women go through IVF and it usually can take a couple of tries so even though I was ready for this I did think I'd have a little time first so I thought I might as well start the process" she tells me.

"It makes sense" I say because it does.

"I know this is a lot to take in so I don't blame you if you hate me right now" Brittany says.

"I don't hate you, I'm just in shock that's all" I admit.

"I want you to know though, I didn't do this to hurt you or anything. I just didn't want to waste any more time waiting around in case things didn't happen. I mean you did say don't wait around" she says.

"I know and you haven't hurt me as such. I'm more pissed off about the timing of it all" I say. "I mean the day I finally realise what's right in front of me and I have the courage to tell you is the day you tell me you're having a baby. It just sucks that's all."

"I know it does" Brittany nods. "Santana I don't want this to change our friendship because I'd like us to still be friends and keep in touch."

"So now that you're pregnant is that all we can ever be?" I ask.

"I mean I never want to think like that but I am having a baby now so would you even want to still be with me?" she asks.

"Like I say it's a shock right now but I don't want to completely rule things out in the future" I say honestly. I mean if she's not with anyone then I guess there might still be a chance for us to work. I'm not saying I wanted a baby this young but it could work out ok because Brittany means a lot to me and I think I could do this if she wanted to.

"I guess we just need to let this sink in and see what happens" she says.

"Yeah" I nod in agreement. "This might not be the time to ask but are you still going to LA in a few days?" I ask.

"If you still want me there then yeah" she replies.

"I do and I had planned on asking if you wanted to stay a little longer with me" I tell her.

"Ok, sounds good" she smiles.

"So are you just going to crash here until we leave for LA then?" I ask because we haven't quite sorted out the arrangements yet. I was just so desperate to see her that I texted her to meet me today.

"Well I wasn't actually sure what was happening" she admits.

"You might as well just stay here then" I say and she nods. "Feel free to put your stuff in my room out the way if you want. You can have my bed and I'll take the couch."

"Or we could just share the bed like last time" she suggests.

"I didn't know if you wanted to share or not" I say.

"Well I think we may as well just share unless you don't want to" she asks.

"No I do" I smile.

"Ok cool, I'll go and put my stuff in your room" she smiles back before making her way to my room.

Brittany's POV

What the hell have I done? I really thought there was no way Santana would change her mind about being with me. I figured I might as well move on with my life a bit because I don't know how much more uncertainty I could take. I mean don't get me wrong I'm happy we're friends again but I was worried that was all we'd be so I decided to do something that makes me happy.

I mean I want a couple of kids minimum but at the same time I don't want to be too old a mom either so I figured I might as well start now anyway. I know I might seem crazy since I'm going to be a single mom but I'd rather be a single one than not one. Plus I don't think you always need necessarily two parents, you just need a loving family and I have that and my child will have that.

I have no idea what happens now but Santana seems to still want to be friends with me at least and she seems to want me to go to California too so I guess we just need to see what happens.

"Hey, is everything ok in here?" Santana asks walking into the bedroom.

"Yeah" I smile.

"You just seemed to be taking a while so I thought something was wrong" she replies.

"Sorry I just got side tracked. My mom text me to see if I was going to visit before we leave so I was just quickly replying" I lie. Ok so it wasn't a complete lie because she did text me earlier and I did reply but I figured it was best to say that just now than to go over the whole pregnancy thing again. I think Santana will probably just want time to digest the news.

"Ok" she nods.

"So what are your plans now?" I ask.

"Well it's still early and I haven't eaten this morning so why don't we go out and have some lunch" she suggests. "I'll treat you this time since you paid the last time."

"Sounds good" I smile. "Let me just freshen up and change and then we can go" I say.

"Ok" she smiles back before leaving the room. Once I'm finished getting ready, Santana and I head out to lunch.

"Do you know I have lived in New York my whole life and I've never actually been to this restaurant before" I tell her as we get sat down at a table.

"Have you not?" she asks in surprise and I shake my head. "So we never went on date here then because I feel like I've been here before?" she asks.

"Not us, no" I reply. "Maybe you and Dani did though" I tease.

"No we never went here" she shakes her head. "Dani always picked where we would go to eat and she never picked here."

"I see" I nod while smirking slightly.

"Why are you smirking?" she asks laughing.

"Well you always had me on a super tight lead which is I thought was sexy but the more you talk about Dani the more it seems she had you well under her control" I point out.

"No, I tell myself what I can and can't do. I didn't need my girlfriend to do that for me" she replies.

"Like I say, I used to like it when you told me what to do and what not to do" I say smugly.

"I know you did that's why I would do it" she smirks back. "As for Dani though, can we not really go there anymore because that ship has well and truly sailed. There is no chance of us ever being anything and I don't want to disrespect her either when I've already hurt her enough" she says seriously.

"Ok" I nod understanding her point. "Speaking of being truly over, what made you realise you still wanted to be with me?" I ask.

"We just had so much fun the last time we hung out and then the two months away from you got me thinking" she starts. "Plus if I'm willing to make a big change in my life and go to LA then surely that means making another change like taking a chance with you is doable too."

"I get that but what clicked to make you want to make these changes?" I ask.

"Basically the time on my own got me thinking a lot and if I'm being completely honest right now, I did go to a few therapy sessions" she admits embarrassed.

"That's nothing to be ashamed about because therapy really does help things sometimes. I've never been myself but I have had a few friends who find it very beneficial" I say honestly.

"To sum it up, she made me see what made me the happiest and that was you" she smiles. "I know I said a career was so important to me but in the end it was clear that I couldn't live without you."

"It's got so much more complicated now though" I chuckle nervously.

"Yeah" she replies sadly.

"But let's not think about that right now, let's just have fun" I smile. I can see Santana isn't quite ready to talk any more about this so we might as well just enjoy what we can right now.

"Ok" she says, her face brightening a little.

"Let's talk about LA, what's happening this week?" I ask.

"Well we catch a flight out on Wednesday and get to spend a few days together before I start work on the Monday" she replies.

"Sounds good" I smile.

"So as I was saying earlier, I'd like you to stay a bit longer in LA with me" Santana says nervously. "That is only if you want to though" she adds.

"I do" I smile. "Hey I never actually asked, did you get the lease of your apartment all sorted out?"

"I did so we're all good to stay there as soon as we get to LA" she replies.

"Excellent" I smile getting excited about spending more time with Santana.

We've been in California for a number of days now but the whole baby thing hasn't been spoken about once since we got here. My morning sickness hasn't quite kicked in yet but there really isn't going to be any denying I'm pregnant when that comes. It's going to be a constant reminder for both of us so I can only imagine things might become awkward if we don't talk about it.

"Hey, you ok?" Santana asks walking into the room.

"Yeah I'm fine" I smile.

"Well that's the last of all my boxes unpacked" she says while grabbing some water from the fridge.

"That's good" I tell her.

"So what are we up to now?" she asks.

"Obviously I won't be drinking but what do you say we hit a few bars tonight and celebrate your new job starting on Monday?" I suggest.

"Well I can never refuse a good Saturday night out so why not" Santana smiles.

"Good, let's get ready now and we can leave soon" I say.

"Ok but what about dinner?" she asks.

"We can get something to eat first and then get some drinks" I say. "It's on me this time since I'm staying with you" I smile.

"Ok" she smiles back. "One of these nights though we should make dinner rather than throw our money at restaurants all the time."

"Yeah we will but let's just have one last good night out before your job" I smile.

"Ok" she nods before going to her room to get changed.

As soon as we were ready, we got a cab and headed out to dinner. The restaurant was reasonably quiet so it was nice because we could talk without having to shout over everyone. We're now at a bar having a drink, my drink of course is non-alcoholic.

"So have you met anyone you're going to be working with yet or will you have to wait to Monday?" I ask interested.

"I met a few of the crew during my auditions but I haven't really seen anyone else in the cast yet" she replies. "I'm kinda nervous to be honest because I barely even know names of people so it's not like I can look anyone up before I get there. I mean what if they all hate me."

"I'm sure you'll be ok" I smile while reassuringly squeezing her hand.

"I hope so" she smiles back.

"Everyone will love you because you're a pretty awesome person" I tell her genuinely.

"Thanks" she smiles again.

XXX

As the night went on, Santana seemed to be knocking back drink after drink. There really was no slowing down for her. I tried to nicely tell her quite a few times to maybe pace herself a bit more but now I think I need to put my foot down. I know it's not up to me how much she drinks but she's getting herself into a state right now so I only want the best for her because I care about her.

"Honey…come on let's take a break from drinking" I say while taking the glass from her hand.

"I don't want to stop just yet" she pouts.

"I know but you've already had a lot and it's still really early so maybe take a little break right now" I say trying to reason with her.

"No" she shakes her head while trying to get off the chair before stumbling towards me when she can't keep herself upright.

"I think you've had enough Santana, let's go back to your place now" I tell her while trying to keep her upright in my arms.

"There's an offer I can't refuse" she smirks.

"Calm yourself down please" I laugh.

"You're so beautiful Brittany" she slurs while patting me on the head.

"And you're so drunk Santana" I smirk.

"Ok so maybe I've had a few more drinks than I should have" she states.

"You have so let's go back to yours" I say while walking us over to the door.

"Taxi!" Santana suddenly screams when we get outside.

"I don't quite think they heard you" I say sarcastically teasing her.

"Did they not...Taxi!" she screams again.

"Honey I was joking" I say laughing. "Look there's one over here so let's get that. Will you manage to walk over there with me?"

"With you, I'll manage anything" she winks before kissing my cheek.

"Ok" I chuckle nervously. I mean I'm not opposed to a quick peck on the cheek but Santana is clearly drunk right now so I don't want her to do anything she doesn't want to like kissing me or whatever.

"Are we going home then?" Santana asks looking up at me intently.

"Yeah, sorry" I apologise before helping Santana across the road. We get into the cab and head straight to Santana's place. As soon as we get inside I help her to her bedroom and place her on her bed.

"You should have let me pay for the cab" Santana states while falling back on the bed.

"Honestly it's fine plus I don't think you'd have managed to get anything out of your purse with the state you're in" I smirk.

"In my sexy state you mean?" she winks at me.

"No you're drunk state honey" I reply.

"You keep saying that but I don't think I'm even that drunk" she says rolling her eyes playfully at me.

"Ok well how many fingers am I holding up?" I ask to test her while holding up 3 fingers.

"It's a little blurry so I'll say two" she shrugs.

"It was 3 honey" I tell her.

"Well the three of them are very beautiful" she replies causing me to laugh.

"Why are you laughing, am I funny?" she asks, pleased with herself that she can make me laugh.

"You are funny, yes" I nod.

"Speaking of funny, tonight was fun wasn't it?" Santana giggles while beginning to strip off her clothes.

"I guess it was" I reply while quickly spinning around to give her some privacy.

"It's nothing you haven't seen before so don't be ashamed" she points out. "I'll have you know I'm still as hot as when we were together so it shouldn't repulse you."

"Nothing repulses me about you, I'm just being respectful" I say honestly. Drunk Santana might want to show me everything but sober Santana probably doesn't.

"Ok" she replies. We fall into a silence for a few minutes but I can still here her moving about so I assume she's still getting changed. "You can look now, I'm all done" she says so I turn around to find her lying in bed in her pyjamas.

"So…" I say slightly unsurely since I don't know what happens now. I mean do I leave her to go to sleep or should I stay and make sure she's ok since she's so drunk.

"Come and sit down with me, let's talk" she smiles while patting the empty spot on the bed next to her.

"Ok" I shrug before making my way over to the bed to sit next to her. We're silent for a moment or two and I can tell something seems up with her. "You look sad, what's on your mind?" I ask.

"You're pregnant Brittany" she points out as if we haven't established that fact before.

"I know I am" I smile.

"It's not mine" she sighs. "It should be mine but it's not."

"What are you talking about?" I ask confused.

"We were supposed to have children together, we weren't meant to do this alone" she states. "I know I said I didn't want you before but I lied because I was scared. I want you now and you're not supposed to be pregnant yet. We're supposed to get back to a good place then get married and then have children."

"Santana…"

"This is so messed up right now" she shakes her head.

"I know it's not ideal but what can we do now?" I shrug. "What's done is done so we need to find a way forward in this."

"How do you suggest we do that?" she asks.

"I really don't know Santana. I don't know what to do for the best" I sigh. I honestly don't know what the best way forward in this situation is.

"I love you so much Brittany and I want us to work as a couple" she admits.

"That's all well and good but I'm pregnant now. I have a child to think about so I can only be with you if you're ok with the baby" I tell her.

"I am ok with that" she states. "I mean it's not easy right now but in time I will be ok with it and I'm going to be a good mom once this all sinks in."

"You want to be a mom to my baby?" I ask surprised.

"Well, yeah" she states as if it's obvious.

"I don't know what to say Santana" I say honestly.

"Say you're willing to give us a try" she pleads.

"Can you honestly do this Santana?" I ask.

"Be patient with me Brittany and I promise soon enough I'll be the one for you and our baby" she smiles. "Like I say I need a little time to digest things but I can do this."

"If we were to be together then what happens now?" I ask. I mean where would we stay, do we date first or go straight to being girlfriends.

"We can live in California together" she states. "I know I said before New York was the dream but I actually think you are. Things have changed recently and I've realised what an idiot I've been."

"We need to be really serious about making this work though especially with a baby involved" I tell her.

"I know Brittany and I'm serious about it, I promise you" she states.

"Ok" I nod.

"Come here" Santana smiles while pulling me closer to her. She gently places her hand on my cheek and kisses me softly.

Santana's POV

Oh my god my head is pounding right now. What the hell did I drink last night and how the hell did I even get changed to go to bed. I can't remember a thing about last night really. I mean I know Brittany and I went out for dinner and went to a few bars but apart from that I don't remember much. I have a slight recollection of us at home and talking but I don't know what it was about.

I'm just taking a few tablets for my head when I notice Brittany enter the room.

"Morning" Brittany says cheerily while brightly smiling as she walks into the kitchen.

"Too loud" I groan while putting my hands over my face.

"Are you a little hungover?" she asks while taking a seat next to me and removing my hands.

"Little is an understatement, my head is killing me" I shake my head.

"Come on, you'll live" she laughs before leaning in to kiss me. Oh shit, what the hell did I do last night because best friends don't kiss, especially not like that.

"Uh…yeah, I guess I will" I say nervously.

"What's wrong?" she asks looking at me.

"Nothing" I shrug but I think she can see right through me.

"You don't remember last night, do you?" she asks sadly.

"No…I…yeah I do" I nod.

"It's fine, don't worry about it if you have forgot" she shrugs but I can tell I've hurt her.

"I'm so sorry" I say honestly.

"So you don't remember anything then?" she asks.

"No" I shake my head. "I'm sorry Britt" I say apologetically.

"I don't mind if you don't remember, what worries me is that I don't know if you were actually serious about what you said" she admits.

"What exactly did I say last night then?" I ask interested. I know how I feel about things but whether I actually blurted them out or just told part of it I don't know.

"You said you still wanted to be with me and once things settle down then you want to raise the baby with me. You said that we can all live here together and you'll help me find something to do if dancing isn't what I want right now" she replies.

"Wow I have some serious balls when I'm drunk don't I?" I chuckle nervously.

"Santana if you were just drunk and saying a bunch of shit that you don't mean then I need to know" Brittany says worriedly.

"Trust me Brittany, I meant all that" I say honestly as a few things come back to me about last night. "I was too nervous to tell you all of that but I guess getting drunk gave me some confidence to do it" I admit.

"So you actually want us to work out and you're willing to raise a baby with me?" she asks to clarify.

"Yeah" I nod. "Like I say I'm still processing things but once they sink in a little more and I get my head around things then it'll be ok. I just need you to be patient with me right now."

"I will be, I promise" she smiles.

"Ok so we're good now?" I ask to make sure.

"Yeah we're good" Brittany nods.

"So last night, did we…uh…you know?" I ask embarrassed.

"You wanted to but I stopped you because it would be like I was taking advantage of you. Whether or not you meant what you said last night, we hadn't even been together an hour so I couldn't risk ruining things already" she admits.

"I'm glad we didn't do anything because I don't want it to be like that. I want us to start off properly and not with a drunken fumble that leaves us both embarrassed" I say honestly.

"Yeah" Brittany smiles.