A/N – Finally had the chance to work on updates this weekend. I'm really hoping that it won't be a month until the next one, but I make no promises. It'll get finished, one way or another.
Enjoy!
X
Chapter 11
Astrid waited until she heard no one in the corridor outside, then she quietly slipped out. She'd noticed people walking by more frequently, no doubt her father's doing. She tiptoed to the servants' passage and went inside. She waited to see if any footsteps came rushing over, but none did.
She started her way, quietly, along the passage and toward the tower for her weekly meeting with Hiccup. Having gone from seeing him every night to seeing him once a week had been a hard choice, but necessary. She refused to stop seeing him altogether.
She hadn't trained, keeping most of her father's wish. She still trained, but not with Hiccup. When alone in her room, she did the drills the squires did every morning for strength of body. She felt the change in her arms and legs. She was getting stronger, and she liked it.
Astrid made it to the tower and slipped into the empty hall. She tiptoed to the door and eased inside. For a moment, she thought she had made it there first, but then she spied the shadowed figure sitting against the wall.
"Hiccup?" Astrid asked.
The figure moved. In the dim light of night coming in from the window, she saw how exhausted he looked.
She sat beside him. "Are you alright?"
"Yes," he said. The exhaustion showed in his voice, too.
Astrid reached up and cupped his chin. She pulled him up to look her in the eye.
"You're exhausted," she said.
He sighed and leaned into her touch.
"I know," he said. "The Knight Commander has been working us hard."
"Is it my fault?"
"Not entirely," he said, although he didn't meet her eye. "Not in the way you think. He said we'd been training for years and yet we'd been beaten by someone with as little training as the princess."
"Oh," she said, sitting back on her heels. "I'm sorry. I didn't think it through. I shouldn't have let myself get so angry. I just… had to prove myself. I should have done it differently. I've just made life harder for everyone."
"No," Hiccup said. "You should have heard my dad talk about you when no one else was around. You'd think he'd trained you himself. He was… incredibly proud, he said. I've never seen him like that. He told me that I was a better squire than he realized. I'd taught you so well. He… said that I'd make a fine knight."
"That's fantastic, Hiccup," she said.
He nodded. "But now I feel like I have to live up to that, like I have to constantly work to impress him. Before, I just did my best and didn't worry about it, because I thought it didn't matter."
"Ah," she said, understanding. "Now you've got to look your best always."
"That's one way to say it."
"I understand," she said. "I can't be myself. I've got to impress those around me, always, because I'm the future queen. I can't let anyone think less of me than the best. I can't slouch or wear anything of lesser quality. I can't sleep in or be late or eat more than the appropriate amount."
It had come out a bit more spiteful than she'd intended.
"I used to wonder what it would be like to be born royal," Hiccup said, looking down at her hands. "But, after spending this time with you, I think I'm fine with where I am. Having everyone watching you, constantly, it sounds stressful."
"My life has been planned for me," she said. "I have the power to create freedom or take it away, but none for myself."
"Being in charge sounds awful," Hiccup said. "But, I think you'll be good at it. I know you will."
"Thank you, Hiccup," she said. She settled in a comfortable spot on the floor. "What did you train for today?"
"We did the usual drills this morning," he said. He told her about his days since the last time they'd met. He'd gone through the squire's routine of waking up early, practicing, breaking for lunch, and sitting through lessons on history, culture, and laws.
"Have you seen the dragon again?" Astrid asked.
"Dragon?" Hiccup said suddenly, his eyes going wide and locking onto Astrid's with a guilty exposure. "I-I don't… oh, that dragon… no, I haven't seen him since then."
He swallowed and shuffled his nervous glance in any direction but hers. She had the worst sensation that he wasn't telling her something, but she wouldn't push him too hard.
"Have you told anyone else about it?" she asked.
"No," he said. "Have you?"
"Of course not," she said. "If I mentioned it to anyone else, I'd have my father knocking down my door to board up windows so I couldn't look outside."
Hiccup laughed, but not seriously.
"You know, Astrid," Hiccup started, a blush coming across his cheeks, "my father told the king how impressed he was with you that day. He was shocked that you'd progressed as fast as you did."
"Oh, I'm sure he loved to hear that," Astrid said.
Hiccup shrugged. "I'm not sure, I wasn't there, but my father came to the barracks that night and told me. He was…"
"He was what?"
"He was surprised that the king wasn't more proud of you," Hiccup said.
"It's because I'm not supposed to be able to fight," Astrid said bitterly. "I'm supposed to learn laws and how to govern while sitting on a throne closed off from the city. I'm supposed to protect, talking to a council made of men who only see their own personal gain, half of which want me to marry their son so they can have yet more control."
Hiccup looked down at his hands.
"It's exhausting," Astrid said, sighing. "Sometimes I wish I'd been born elsewhere in Berk to some homely woman and a carpenter father. I could have gone to school with the other children, played in the streets, done what I wished, and grown up to be whatever I wanted."
"If you had the choice," Hiccup asked. "What would you have grown up to be?"
"I don't know," Astrid said. "There are so many options, but… I suppose, I would have tried to become a Knight. I can't see myself as a baker or florist or in some every-day sort of job where I live, work, and love in the same tiny space. As a Knight I would patrol the city, stopping crime, hunting down wrongdoers, and protecting the city with my own two hands, not from a distance."
"Maybe we would have been squires together," Hiccup said.
Astrid pondered this concept, and then said, "I would have liked that. We could have practiced for real, not in secret. Hiccup… can I tell you something?"
"Of course, Astrid."
"I've thought of running away from all of this," she said with a pang of guilt. She shouldn't be thinking such thoughts, but they'd occurred more and more.
"What?" he said. His brows scrunched together and his shoulders adjusted.
"I've been so tired of the same thing, being told what to say, what to do, what to wear, who to talk to, and having everything decided for me," she said. "I… don't want to marry Eret. I don't like him that way. I don't want to have to forfeit my personal life for the sake of my people. It's not fair. I deserve to be happy in a marriage, as does Eret."
Hiccup's face and grown soft.
"I've thought about just running into the forest and not looking back. Let Tegard grow up to be king while I live as a druid in the forest or something, or run until I find civilization and hide on the outskirts of the city… maybe on a farm."
"You think people won't recognize you?"
"Most people have never seen me," Astrid said. "If I wore common clothes, I would blend it without trouble."
"But… it's not a good idea."
"I know it's not a good idea," she said.
"A young woman like yourself would be a target on the streets," he said. "Where would you go? Where would you stay? People are reluctant to take in a stranger, and if you were to pick the wrong house, you might get… murdered in your sleep, or worse. I've… heard horrible stories of men who steal away young women from the streets. One man not that long ago, my father was a knight, had been keeping four women locked in his basement, chained."
"Well, I hope they killed that bastard."
"They did," Hiccup said. "Sliced his throat in the street, I heard."
"He deserved it," Astrid said. "Make an example of him to show anyone else thinking along the same lines."
"You would have made a better knight than me," Hiccup said.
"Why is that? You don't think he deserved such a fate?"
"No, it's not that, it's… I'm not sure I could kill someone. It's the only thing I'm having trouble adjusting to."
"Even someone as horrible as that man? A rapist? A kidnapper? Ripping those young women from their lives, their loved ones, their homes, holding them captive? You don't think that man deserved death?"
"Oh, deserved it, but I don't think I could be the one to do the killing," he said.
"Ah, I see," she said. "I understand that. I've never killed anyone, or seen anyone be killed, but I can understand your trepidation at it. I imagine that if I ever were to be in the position where I could kill someone, I'd feel the same."
Astrid settled back so that she sat beside him. Their shoulders brushed against one another; their elbows touched; their hands were in short space. Astrid, working up the daring, reached out and touched the edge of his palm. He responded, turning his hand so that hers could slid easily into his. Their fingers locked together with gentle ease.
His hand fit so well in hers.
They sat like that for a while, neither talking, neither moving.
"Hiccup," Astrid said after a moment. "I… want to tell you how much I enjoy the time I spend with you. I look forward to it. I'm not sure I could go back to spending my time without you."
He glanced at her. His features softened in the dim night's light.
"I mean it," she said, meeting his gaze. "I miss you when you're gone."
The light was too dim to tell his exact expression, and it stirred a worry deep in her chest.
Hiccup leaned in; his lips touched hers in a timid brush, and when she didn't pull away, he kissed her. She kissed him back. Their chaste kiss ended, but neither leaned away. She'd never felt such a way before, not about anyone, especially a man. She'd never been allowed to.
She returned her lips to his; he didn't object. Their hands broke apart, and his hand instead settled on her waist. She turned her head to better fit her mouth to his. Her timid fingers found the front of his shirt. His warmth permeated the material; his heart beat beneath it. She slid her hand along his chest and flattened her hand against his heartbeat.
They broke apart only when a clamor came from the corridor outside, the supposedly empty corridor.
Hiccup jumped and clenched Astrid closer.
"What was that?" she asked, looking at the door they'd left partially ajar.
A door burst open and banged into the wall; light footsteps thundered down the corridor. The runner panted.
Astrid and Hiccup jumped up at the same time. Astrid grabbed Hiccup and ran to the far side of the tower, to the white-sheet covered furniture. She crouched behind a wide bureau and pulled Hiccup with her. He half-fell onto the ground, crouched over her; she barely had time to register that he was positioned over her. Voices sprang in the hall.
"There he is!"
"Get him!"
The owner of the running footsteps came closer. Those chasing him ran with heavy, armored steps. The first runner ran past the tower doorway; Astrid heard the distinctive clinking of metal.
Another round of armored footsteps sounded in the corridor, from the other end.
"Stop right there," called Stoick.
Hiccup tensed. He sucked in his breath.
A sword met flesh with a sickening wet crunch. Hiccup let out a small gasp.
"Hiccup?" Astrid whispered.
He shook his head.
Swords were sheathed.
"Foul thief," one of the knights said.
"What did he take, anything?"
Material ruffled.
"What's that?" Stoick asked. "Huh. Nothing extremely valuable. Doesn't matter. The fool thief is dead. No sense in waking the king for this matter. I'll inform him first thing in the morning. Right now, we've got to clean this up. You, fetch the servants. I'll see to the body."
Hiccup moved. He couldn't hold himself up anymore. He flattened himself onto Astrid and laid his forehead on the cool floor beside her head. Astrid reached for him and folded her arms around his middle.
The sounds that followed weren't pleasant, but they weren't as bad as the initial death of the thief; the smells that wafted in were terrible, a nasty human-fluid smell, like the worst of unclean washrooms.
Astrid buried her nose in Hiccup's shoulder. He smelled like sweat and himself, a certain musk.
They stayed there, curled around each other, for a long time while the servants cleaned. Long enough that Astrid's leg went numb.
"Did you see the Queen's dress today at dinner?"
"Oh, the purple one?"
"That's not her color."
"I was thinking the same thing, lovely dress, but that shade was too pale for her. It washed her out."
"You'd think the royal dressmaker would know that."
"Oh, I'm sure she did. The Queen's never been a picker shopper, though. I've always liked that about her."
"I'd say that's true. She should be. She's always had the body for clothes."
"The princess is the same way. Fantastic shape. It's almost a taunt to the girls born with a man's shoulders."
"Or hips to part crowds."
"Oh, Jules, your hips aren't that big. It's because you've had children. I'm sure that when the Princess has a child, she'll have wider hips, too."
Eventually, the corridor went quiet. Hiccup carefully climbed off her and held a hand down to help her stand. She took his hand, minding her limp-feeling leg, very mindful of her hips.
Standing, she reached down to place a hand on either side of her hips.
"You're fine, Astrid," Hiccup said, as if reading her mind. He spoke softly, with a deadened tone.
"I'm sorry, Hiccup," she said.
"For what?"
"That you had to hear that," she said.
"You couldn't have known that," he said. "But, we should be getting back before we're missed. The castle will be on edge tonight after a thief."
"You're right," she said.
They snuck into the empty corridor. No remnant of the skirmish marred the floor. They'd scrubbed the floor clean, even between the stones. Hiccup walked with her all the way to the secret passage by her bedchamber.
She hesitated, hand on the mechanism.
"Hiccup," she said.
She held her other hand out to him. He took it and lifted it to his lips. He lowered her hand, and she tightened her fingers around his. She pulled him toward her.
Their lips met again in a tender, chaste kiss.
"Goodnight, M'lady," Hiccup whispered.
"Goodnight, Squire Hiccup," she said.
She listened at the door and slipped into the empty hallway. She eased into her bedchamber without problem, thoughts of her next meeting with Hiccup on her mind, the memory of his warm lips fresh on her mouth.