Chapter 12: Getting back on track
Santana's POV
I'm fast asleep in bed when suddenly I hear a loud bang. I immediately wake up and start looking around the room to see where the noise has come from. When I realise it's not anything in the bedroom, I make my way through the apartment when I hear another noise coming from the kitchen. As soon as I walk into the room, I see Brittany down on the floor on her hands and knees picking things up off the floor.
"What are you up to Britt?" I ask causing her to turn around quickly in surprise. "Sorry did I give you a fright?"
"Yeah but its ok" she smiles while standing up. "I was looking for something and ended up knocking things over. I didn't wake you up did I?" she asks.
"You did but don't worry about it" I smile back. "So what are you doing up so early anyway?" I ask while yawning.
"I thought I might go for a run, do you want to come?" she replies.
"No I don't want to hold you back" I shake my head.
"I'm happy to wait if you want to come" she smiles. "I was going to get something to eat first anyway" she tells me.
"Ok well it won't do any harm to get a bit of exercise" I say.
"Good" Brittany nods.
"So what are we having to eat?" I ask curiously.
"I'm just making myself a fruit salad but if you don't want that then I can make you something else" Brittany suggests.
"No that sounds good to me" I smile.
"Ok" Brittany nods and then starts preparing breakfast.
XXX
"So what have you got planned for your day?" I ask as we take a gentle jog through the park. We were supposed to be running but it turned into more of a jog since we keep talking. To be honest though I didn't want it to be too strenuous for Brittany's sake because she has just had a miscarriage so easing into activity gently would be better.
"Basically I'm just going to be sitting at home trying to come up with ideas for work" she replies.
"Have you got any ideas so far?" I ask interested.
"Well maybe I should broaden my options a little more because I'm obviously not pregnant anymore so I don't need to limit myself at the moment" Brittany says.
"Is it dancing you want to do?" I ask.
"Yeah I mean dancing is what I've always wanted to do but I don't suppose I can do it forever so maybe finding a different career while I'm still young would be advantageous" Brittany admits. "There is the issue like I said before about not getting steady jobs at the moment so I think I should find something away from dancing" she states.
"Have you ever thought about acting?" I ask curiously.
"Yeah I have but nothing really materialised. I suppose I didn't really look into it that seriously" she admits.
"Perhaps acting is something to think about then" I shrug.
"Maybe I should just concentrate on the hotel for the time being" she states after a few minutes of silence. "I mean I know it's in New York and we're here but I should probably go back there for a few days" she says. I guess I hadn't really thought of what would happen with the hotel. I mean we moved here but I don't know if we ever figured out how things would happen because it's not like Brittany can just get up in the morning and go there.
"Maybe you could speak to some contacts you have to see if they have any acting things available. I mean you have been in TV shows before but they were dancing parts so maybe you could speak to someone and see if there's anything" I suggest.
"Maybe" she nods. "Anyway enough about me, what are you doing today?" she asks. "Are you working later?"
"Yeah we're shooting through the night tonight so I'll go in about 6pm and we'll be working right up until the morning tomorrow" I reply.
"Do you prefer that because it'll likely be quieter or would you rather shoot in the day?" she asks curiously.
"I don't mind either way to be honest" I shrug.
After spending some time together doing light exercise, we head back to the apartment. Brittany does some work on her laptop for the hotel and I go to bed. I would have liked to have spent time with Brittany but she had work to do and it probably was best I went to bed. I will have to stay up all night for work so getting some sleep would help.
We had dinner together an hour ago and Brittany said she'd clear up while I got ready for work so that's what we've been doing since. I'm all ready to go now so I make my way to the kitchen to let Brittany know.
"Hey, you ok?" she smiles.
"Yeah" I nod. "I need to go to work now though but I'll see you in the morning" I smile.
"Ok, have fun" Brittany smiles back.
"I'll try" I laugh. "Anyway, see you later" I say before leaving.
Over the last few days I've spent most of my time working at night so the times I see Brittany have been very few and far between. I usually sleep a lot of the day and then head to work at night while Brittany does what she needs to do in the day and obviously goes to bed at night. I do wish I could see Brittany more but this is a big opportunity for me and to be honest I think Brittany understands. I'm sure everything we've been through allows us to appreciate this kind of thing happening and how we'll get more time together eventually.
It's 7am right now and I've just parked my car outside the apartment building. As soon as I grab my things, I head inside to see if Brittany is up yet and see what her plans are for the rest of the day. When I walk in, I see Brittany sitting on a chair in the living room putting on her running shoes.
"Man I am so tired" I say while throwing myself to the couch.
"Long night was it?" Brittany asks.
"So long" I nod. "Anyway where are you going so early?" I ask. It maybe isn't that early for some but it's early enough for Brittany and I compared to usual.
"I'm going to the gym and then meeting up with an old friend" Brittany states. "Are you just going to go to bed?" she asks.
"Most probably" I sigh. I don't want to but I am really tired so I probably should.
"I'll leave you to it then" Brittany smiles while standing up. "See you later" she smiles again before walking to the door.
"Bye" I reply just before she leaves. As soon as she does, I get changed and head to bed. I'm only sleeping for about an hour when I hear my phone ringing. Thinking its likely work, I quickly wake myself up and answer the phone. Unfortunately it isn't work so now I'm awake for no reason.
"Santana…hello?" Rachel questions on the other end of the phone.
"Yeah sorry, I'm here" I apologise. I hadn't even realised I had answered the phone when I was checking the caller ID.
"You sound sleepy, why are you sleepy?" Rachel asks, seemingly offended I'm still in bed.
"Maybe because I was sleeping" I smartly reply while rolling my eyes.
"Why are you still sleeping right now, it's the middle of the morning" she states.
"It's only 8am Rachel so it's hardly that late" I tell her. "Anyway, the reason I was sleeping is because I was working all through the night so I haven't slept since yesterday afternoon" I state.
"I don't think I could do night shoots" Rachel replies.
"Well some of us can't be choosy" I sigh. Ok so if I really didn't like it then I wouldn't do it but I do like the show a lot so I'm happy to put up with it. To be honest though, it is true I can't be too picky at the moment for roles so that is the main driving force.
"So when are you working next?" she asks curiously.
"I'm working tonight again hence the reason I'm trying to get some sleep" I say. "I don't need to be on set until 6pm though" I add.
"Good" Rachel says satisfied. "We can meet up now then and you can sleep in the afternoon" she states.
"Rachel, I live in LA remember. We can't just hang out all the time anymore" I point out.
"I am aware of that Santana, I'm really not that dense" Rachel says offended.
"Ok sorry" I laugh. I didn't mean to offend her but I don't know how we can suddenly meet up when she lives in New York.
"I'm in LA Santana doing a few things so I thought I could come over to hang out or we could grab coffee or something somewhere" Rachel suggests.
"You can come here then" I tell her because I'm not really in any position to go outside. I look and feel a mess right now. "You've got my address don't you?" I ask.
"I do so I'll be there soon" she replies.
"Ok see you soon" I say and then we both hang up. 10 minutes later there's a knock at the door so I go and answer it.
"Hey, how are you?" I say while giving Rachel a brief hug.
"You look like shit" she states as we pull out of the hug.
"Charming" I laugh as we walk to the living room.
"Sorry that sounded a lot harsher than I meant" she shakes her head. "I just meant you look tired and your hair is a mess not to mention your makeup."
"I'm not wearing any makeup, I took it all off before getting into bed" I frown.
"Oh…sorry" Rachel apologises.
"Anyway moving on, can I get you some coffee?" I offer.
"Do you have anything decaf?" she asks.
"I don't really but Britt has a few herbal teas I think that are decaffeinated" I reply with a shrug. If I need coffee, I need coffee not some decaf shit.
"No that's fine, I'll just have water" Rachel shakes her head.
"Look Rachel I know you don't like some of my decisions but there's no need to be immature. If you want some herbal tea then Brittany won't mind" I say. I really don't think Brittany is as petty as Rachel is right now.
"Fine I will take some herbal tea" Rachel sighs.
"Ok, I'll be back in a second" I say before leaving to sort out the drinks. As soon as it's done, I take them back through to the living room and we begin chatting.
"So I assume Miss Pierce isn't here right now" she states.
"How many times do I need to tell you to call her Brittany?" I ask shaking my head.
"She was my college dance teacher for only a short time but still a teacher of mine so she will always be known as that" Rachel tells me.
"So if your best friend married her, you'd still address her as that?" I question.
"Are you marrying her?" she asks raising a questioning eyebrow.
"No" I shake my head. "Not yet anyway."
"Well it's not relevant then is it" she states.
"Rachel, Brittany and I are really trying to make things work this time so we don't need any immaturity from third parties. I'd appreciate you respect my decision to be with the one person I love the most in this world" I say honestly.
"It's not that I don't respect it; I'm just confused. I mean you were supposed to marry Dani 4 months ago and were so sure she was the one and now look" she points out.
"Brittany is the one for me Rachel. I tried to pretend she wasn't for the sake of our careers but honestly, she's the only one I really love" I admit. I know what I did to Dani wasn't right but I really tried to make it right.
"So what is the deal with you and Brittany?" she asks.
"We're dating and getting to know each other again. Obviously the whole baby situation was really heart breaking so I'm trying to give Brittany some time to come to terms with it" I say. I was obviously sad about it but it was different for Brittany since she had this planned out before we got together.
"Isn't living together progressing too much?" Rachel wonders.
"Ordinarily it would be in a new relationship but Brittany and I already know each other plus the whole point of coming here was for a fresh start so there's no point wasting money by buying two places" I say. Eventually we would move in together so I don't see the issue right now.
"I suppose that's true" she says nodding in understanding.
After hanging out with Rachel for a while, she left and I went back to bed. I'm not really sure when Brittany got home but she woke me up at 4pm so I could have something to eat and to get ready for work.
I finally had a day off today so I spent it relaxing at home. Brittany on the other hand ended up having a meeting with someone she used to know through dancing so she was out for most of the day. It was to do with a job opportunity so she really couldn't cancel so we could hang out. I get it though because I haven't had much time to hang out with Brittany either so I don't mind. It's not ideal and it kinda sucks but I'm sure things will smooth over soon.
I'm currently just making dinner in the kitchen. I heard Brittany come through the door 10 minutes ago and she did shout hello but I haven't physically seen her since this morning. It's about another 10 minutes before Brittany appears but she's now dressed in more comfortable clothes than earlier.
"Hey" I smile as she walks into the room.
"Hi" she replies quietly.
"Are you ok?" I ask slightly confused. She seems kind of downbeat about something.
"Can we talk?" Brittany asks seriously, not exactly answering my question.
"Yeah of course" I nod. "Do you want to talk now, it's just I'm in the middle of making dinner so maybe we could talk once I'm done" I suggest.
"Ok that's fine" Brittany replies. "Do you want some help?"
"No it's ok, thank you" I smile. Even though I'm smiling right now, I don't feel as happy on the inside. Talking doesn't always end well with us and Brittany sounded really serious so I don't know what this is about but it's making me nervous.
As soon as I finish making dinner, I plate up the food and put it on the table. Brittany then gets us some drinks before we sit down together and begin eating.
"Dinner tastes great" Brittany says politely but she doesn't smile or anything. I'm getting a really weird vibe here and it's making me uncomfortable. We fought so hard to get back together and now I think it might be over.
"I'm glad you like it" I nod. Honestly that's the least of my worries whether she likes it or not but I can't be rude and completely ignore the compliment.
"So did you have a nice day off away from work?" she asks after a minute of silence.
"Yeah it was nice to relax for a little while" I reply. "What about you, did your day go ok?" I ask.
"It went really well actually" she nods. "I've got an audition for a guest spot in a TV show. It's like 2 or 3 episodes but it's better than nothing" she shrugs.
"It is and it'll get your foot in the door" I smile, happy that she's making some progress in her career. She wasn't too sure if she wanted to try acting or just concentrate on the hotel at the moment but at least she's getting somewhere until she decides. In my own selfish opinion though, I'm glad she's doing something here because the hotel is in New York so I don't want her to have to leave all the time.
"That's what I figured" she nods. Once we finish eating, we both clear up together before heading to the living room to sit down and relax.
"So you want to talk?" I say while sitting down next to her.
"Are we still together or dating or whatever it is?" Brittany asks bluntly.
"Well I want us to be, don't you?" I ask worriedly.
"Yeah of course I do but things have been weird lately. We're acting as if we're just friends living together or something" she points out. "I mean when was the last time we even hugged never mind kissed or anything like that?" she asks.
"I suppose it has been a while" I admit.
"I just feel we don't even act like we're together" Brittany sighs. "We've failed so much in the past that I finally thought we found a way to be together where we're both happy but so far it just feels like we're friends or something."
"I just didn't want to push you Britt but it didn't mean that I didn't want this because I do" I say honestly.
"Well so do I" she states. "I know it's been tough recently but the one thing I've been sure about is how much I want to be with you."
"That's good then, we're together" I smile while taking her hand in mine.
"Ok" she smiles happily.
"Come here" I smile while pulling her closer so I can kiss her. Just as the kiss begins to heat up, I pull away for a second to ask her something. "Do you want to step this up a gear?" I ask with a smirk. Usually I wouldn't just ask this, it would come naturally but we've never actually had sex since I cheated on Dani with her so this would be the first time in a long time. I just want to make sure she would be ok with it.
"Santana…I…" she says hesitantly. I can tell it's probably a no from the tone of her voice.
"It's fine, we really don't need to" I smile. As much as I want to be with her like that, I'm not going to get mad just because she doesn't want to. "If you're not ready then there's no need to rush" I assure her.
"It's not that because I am ready in a way" Brittany states. "I just can't right now, that's all" she says.
"That's cool, you're tired so we can just wait" I smile. I suppose it has been a bit of a long day for her today.
"It's not that either" she says while taking a deep breath before taking my hand in hers. "Look it's only been a week since I was at the doctor so I still have a few symptoms from the miscarriage so I kind of can't do anything right now if you follow what I'm saying" she says slightly embarrassed.
"I'm sorry, I didn't even think about that" I say feeling bad. The doctor did say the cramping and the bleeding could still be here just now until the miscarriage fully passes.
"Honestly you weren't to know because I didn't really say anything" she smiles. "I'd just obviously rather we didn't do anything until it's over."
"I totally get it, trust me" I say while reassuringly squeezing her hand.
"It's not just about the physical aspect though, it's like a reminder just now that I lost a baby and it doesn't make me feel good" she admits sadly.
"It's going to be ok" I say while pulling her into a hug. "Just take as much time as you need to and I'll be here for you the whole time. I love you so much Brittany."
"I love you too" she smiles.
Things between Brittany and I have been great the last few days. We've hung out a lot when we could and sometimes she would even drive me to work and pick me up again at the end of the day just so we could spend some more time together. Her audition for the guest role that she is going to isn't for another few days so she's been spending a lot of time at home doing stuff for the hotel and also meeting up with a few other contacts she has that might lead to more roles.
After we had dinner tonight, we decided to relax together on the couch and watch a movie. My interest in the movie quickly disappeared though when Brittany started to get a little handsy. I was slightly surprised at first but when she explained she had been feeling better the last day or two then I got it. We're sort of just lying there now looking at one another staring into the other's eyes.
"I'm not tired tonight" she smirks while gently caressing my side.
"Neither am I" I smile.
"Maybe we could…" she's cut off by my phone ringing.
"I would ignore it but it's probably work" I sigh while sitting up and grabbing my phone.
"That's ok" she smiles back. I know she doesn't like the interruption just as much as I don't but I do need to answer it.
"Hello" I say answering the phone. "What tonight?...I was just there this afternoon though...well I am kind of busy, yes…is there no way it can wait until the morning…ok fine" I sigh while shaking my head. "I'll see you in half an hour" I say before hanging up.
"It doesn't sound good" Brittany says.
"It's not, I need to go into work" I sigh. This night is well and truly spoiled.
"Ok" Brittany nods sadly.
"Us being on opposite shifts almost is really frustrating me at the moment" I admit.
"Me too but hopefully things will sort themselves out soon" Brittany replies optimistically. "If it helps though, I'll be waiting right here for you" she smiles.
"It does but goodness knows how long I'll be" I state. I really could be doing without this tonight and just having a quiet night with Brittany.
XXX
When I finally get back home after going into work, I quickly run inside and lock the door behind me. I am so excited to see Brittany again and to spend time with her. It hasn't even been that long but we're in such a good place now that even being apart for a few minutes makes me miss her.
As I walk in the room and over to Brittany, I notice she has fallen asleep on the couch. I really don't want to wake her up but I don't want her to wake up later and worry since she thinks I haven't come home yet.
"Britt?" I say softly while kneeling down at the side of the couch.
"Hmm" she says sleepily.
"I just wanted to let you know I'm back now" I smile.
"Ok" she says while sitting up and rubbing her eyes. "I'm awake now if you want to pick up where we left off" she smiles.
"As much as I really want to, it is late and I can tell you're tired honey. Why don't we just get some rest and can plan something romantic another night or something" I suggest and she nods. I mean it's not like I don't want to but I would like to just crawl into bed and sleep.
"We should get to bed then" she smiles.
"Yeah" I reply before taking her hand and pulling her up from the couch. "Goodnight then, I guess" I smile.
"Yeah, goodnight" she smiles back before leaning into kiss me. I kiss back before putting my arms around her to give her a hug.
Brittany and I have been so busy the last few days that we've barely had any time to spend together. It's not just because we miss each other but it also sucks because we're finally in a good place in our relationship so we want to make most of our happy time. I don't know how many times we've had to cancel plans because one of us has had to work.
I'm just in the kitchen making Brittany and I some breakfast when I feel a presence behind me and arms wrap around my waist. I smile instantly when Brittany leans close against me and kisses my cheek.
"Good morning" I say happily while momentarily looking at her before going back to making breakfast.
"Morning" Brittany replies just as happily as me.
"I'm just making us some scrambled eggs for breakfast, is that good for you?" I ask.
"Sounds good, yeah" she says while moving her hands slightly to sneak under my shirt where she gently caresses my stomach.
"You're distracting me Britt" I smile. I do like it but if she keeps doing what she's doing then we won't get any breakfast because I'll have ruined it.
"You know I like it when I distract you" she tells me while leaning down to place a few kisses on my neck.
"I usually like it too but we both have plans today so we can't afford to get side tracked" I state. I've got work soon and Brittany is meeting up with a few people to talk over some options for her.
"I suppose" she nods while gently kissing my head before moving away. "Hey do you want to go out for dinner tonight?" she asks.
"Oh I wish I could but we're working later again so goodness knows what time I will be home. It seems to be getting later and later each night" I say honestly.
"I thought you were starting early today?" she frowns in confusion.
"Yeah we are but it's a full day of filming we have so I could be there for at least 12 hours" I admit. "I promise we'll try and do something romantic and fun at the weekend" I say while walking over to peck her lips quickly.
"Ok" she smiles. After we finished breakfast, we both got ready and headed to work.
After 12 hours at work, I finally make my way home again. When I get inside I notice Brittany in the kitchen making something to eat which I'm super grateful for because I'm so hungry. I quickly throw my purse to the side and kick off my shoes before joining Brittany in the kitchen.
"Hi" I smile.
"Hey" she smiles back before kissing me.
"Please tell me you're making something for me to eat too?" I ask.
"Of course I am" Brittany nods. "It's nothing exciting though, just pasta" she shrugs.
"I don't care what it is, I just want food" I laugh.
"Ok" she smiles. As soon as the food is ready, we sit down together in the living room and eat. I don't waste any time with mine and I'm finished eating in no time.
"That was so good Britt" I say while putting my plate down.
"I'm surprised you could even savour the taste with how quickly you ate" she jokes.
"I was hungry" I shrug.
"You're so adorable" she smiles at me.
"Thanks" I smile back.
"Can I talk to you really quickly about something" she says while putting her plate down next to mine.
"Sure" I nod.
"You know how we talked about making things special and romantic and how we weren't going to rush into having sex" she says.
"Yeah" I reply while nodding again.
"Well as much as I want it to be special and mean something, I just don't think we should make it so specific. I mean we just can't seem to get the time these days so maybe we should just do it instead of waiting" Brittany says. "I think it's clear we both want this and we're not exactly new to it because we still hooked up now and again after we broke up."
"So what you just want to have sex right now?" I ask curiously.
"Don't you?" she replies.
"Hell yeah" I smile.
"What are we waiting for then, let's do it" she smiles back while grabbing my hand and leading me to my bedroom. It's no secret my bed is comfier than hers so I'm not surprised she took us there instead of her room.