30. Despair

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She had seen the face Danny had held after he had been to see Tex. The feeling of being totally helpless, not having any words of comfort, not knowing what to do. She knew about his promise to Tex and she knew he was most likely carrying the heavy weight of the promise on his shoulders. It wouldn't be an easy task. But a promise is a promise.

She had decided to go and pay Rachel a visit. She could only imagine what was going through her mind right now.

She stepped inside Rachel's working space and got a quick look out of Rachel as she sat in front of her desk, looking at the papers in front her.

"Everything okay, Commander Green?" Rachel's voice was filled with worry.

"Everything's fine, and I think we are way past the titles and surnames since I was part of the plan to drug you." She thought to lighten the mood a bit. Getting a faint smile from Rachel.

"I suppose we are."

"I came to see how you are doing." She said with a more caring voice and walked to sit beside her in a chair.

"That's very thoughtful of you." Rachel sighed and she looked tired. She wondered if she had slept at all after the trial began.

"I don't know why the prototypes aren't working." Rachel said quietly. She saw that she was out of answers once again. That it seemed that the trial was going to be another failure. Just like the first one. Even though the scientist in her must know that creating a vaccine wasn't easy, you might not succeed on the first attempt, nor on the 50th attempt. But it was still painful to lose lives, even if they had volunteered for it, given themselves for the science, made the sacrifice for the greater good.

"I'm sure you'll succeed one day." She tried to say, not sure if she would believe her words.

It seemed that for some reason the virus was progressing more faster with Darien than with Tex. Rachel had given her different doses of the prototype, but the outcome wasn't looking good. Tex was showing some symptoms as well and Rachel seemed to be at loss of what to do. Kara saw that the pressure to succeed in making of the vaccine was getting to her. She only hoped Rachel would be strong enough to withstand the failures and not be pulled down this time around.

"How is she holding up?" She met with Alisha after her visit with Rachel.

"She is trying to figure things out." She thought to say, not wanting to alarm Alisha too much. Knowing all too well how quickly gossip went through the little community they had going on. There was always someone who said a word too much or someone who thought they had overheard something important.

"How about Darien and Tex?" She met her eyes and she shook her head. At the moment things didn't seem all that bright.

"But we got to keep the hope alive." She tried to reassure Alisha who seemed to be a little shocked by her revelation.

"How long are we going to continue doing this?" Alisha asked and she heard from her voice that she was upset.

"Til there is no one left of us?" Alisha continued.

She hugged her friend, feeling it was the only thing she could do at the moment. Knowing that if she went down that road in her own thoughts.. She wouldn't make it through the day.

In the evening as she was trying to fall asleep, her mind kept thinking about Alisha's words. She didn't want to give in to the thoughts, but she couldn't deny them either. It was a possibility that they might all die. That even her own baby might die in the end. That she wouldn't be able to protect him or her. She felt the hot tears running down on her cheeks as she thought about the future. The uncertainty of it. Would they be living on the island for the rest of their lives? What kind of life would that be? Never knowing what tomorrow would held for them. Being isolated from the rest of the world.. Even though chances were that there was not much left of the world anymore. And sooner or later they would run out of supplies. They were already rationing food, although getting some through natural resources was a bonus. Another trip to Gitmo.. She thought.

She felt Danny's warm body close in on hers as she felt his strong arms around her, one hand on her growing belly. She felt his head snuggle in the warmth of her neck. "I can't sleep either." He whispered and she sighed. He had been awake too. Thinking probably the same as she was. "I was just.." She tried to compress her thoughts to words, but she didn't exactly know how could she say everything she was thinking with one small line. "Thinking about the future, our life and how we will survive." He finished her sentence.

She turned to face him and met his eyes and his eyes weren't that dry either. Smiling a bit at the thought that they both had been there lying beside each other and worrying about the unknown, made her feel little comfort that he knew exactly how she felt.

"I love you." She whispered with a smile as she placed a soft kiss on his lips. She felt his hands touching her skin around her waist. Sensing by the small lightweight strokes made by his thumbs that he wanted something more. Feeling the rush of sparks going through her body as she knew from his touch that he wanted her. She moved to seat herself on top of him as she was kissing him more fervently. "I love you, Kara." She heard him whisper back as he rose to sit and began pulling her nightshirt upwards. She felt like she was in flames inside of her as he touched her. Placing sweet kisses on her skin. At that moment all that mattered was them, wanting the other one to know they still had each other, they were still here, they were still alive.