My mind is groggy as I try to get the boiling hot coffee into me as soon as possible. For once, I didn't have that dream. Though, I'm no more rested from the lack of it. I woke up much later than I normally do, feeling like I got hit by a train. It's strange, Kaoru hasn't reached out to me at all. Sure, he messaged me asking to meet here but he hasn't even sent me a thought. I don't want to intrude on his thoughts, but it feels weird that I've sensed nothing from him. Maybe he heard my thoughts during my time with Yusei and, understandably, is confused and wants to talk about it in person. At least, that sounds like something Kaoru would do. Though, it's possible that Kaoru is weirded out by this whole 'telepathy' thing and wants nothing to do with it. Honestly, that's more likely. If this happened to me when I first got my powers, I would have been freaked out more than I already was.
Thinking about that time brings Raiden to mind. I've decided that I'm leaving Black Flag for good. I need to take a break from being around Raiden and find out how much of the current me is him. I refuse to be manipulated by anyone. Not again. I mean look how it turned out last time. I need to bring Kaoru into this. As another psychic, he's pretty important to make sure Raiden doesn't manipulate me into staying, be it physically or mentally. Shinji will be leaving too. But since he's not a psychic, he'll be powerless against Raiden. Heck, looking back now, I'm only the figurehead leader of Black Flag because Raiden was able to manipulate me.
"What's with the long face?" I almost jump out of my skin as Kaoru calls out to me. I'm squinting at him in disbelief. I should have sensed him coming. Then again, I did have trouble sensing his aura yesterday. But somehow, this feels different. Like it's me and not him. Being startled like that has suddenly made me aware how close I am to falling into the fountain that I'm currently sitting on the edge of.
"Shouldn't you be able to tell?" Kaoru takes a seat near me as I take another sip of my coffee. I'm slightly more upset than I should be since I've nearly finished it. "I mean, you can read my thoughts after all."
"Nah, it's hard to make out your thoughts. I can get some things, but not much." I glance into Kaoru's thoughts. He's telling the truth. He heard parts of my conversation with Yusei, but he won't bring that up in case I start crying again. Great. He thinks I'm a cry-baby. He hasn't gotten much after that, I think. "It's strange. When we were together yesterday, I heard your thoughts much better. Maybe it's because I tried to block them out and that's why I can't hear them like I used to." He's looking at me like he expects me to know the answer. Today's gonna be a long day.
"Probably. I mean, I can't say for certain." Kenta's guess would be better than mine. His mind is like that. He takes in so much information and spouts it out like no tomorrow. I don't know how he does it. To be honest, he makes me feel stupid.
"Getting to the point, what are you doing about my training?" I almost sigh out loud. Kaoru hasn't changed much. "Are we going to duel or what?"
"No. You're not dueling, at least, not now." I'm not in the mood for more scratches and cuts right now. My hand subconsciously reaches for a scab from yesterday. "Besides, you need to train your mind before you can duel." I, admittedly, have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm just going with the flow.
"Wait. Why would I need to train my mind? Isn't it a matter of dueling until I stop hurting people?" Oh, if only it were that easy.
"No. It's not that simple. Psychic powers aren't controlled by something physical, that's why you're not training your body for this." I sigh. You think after dueling at least twice with his powers, he would have figured that out. "Powers tend to get stronger the more you can't control yourself. You need to be able to calm yourself down on the flip of a dime. You'll be practicing meditating. This will help you control your breathing. If you feel like you're losing control, just focus on your breathing and hope it works. Any questions?"
"Yeah, what's the story with you and Black Flag? When Shinji said you were the leader, you said it was more of a figurehead position. What does that mean?" What does that have to do with anything? I sigh.
"I joined them after I moved in with Dad. See, gangs are filled with psychics so you can see why I joined." I try gloss over as quick as possible. "Raiden is technically the leader of Black Flag. He chose me to be more of a figurehead leader. I lead anything got to do with fighting, while Raiden dealt with the other leaders, you know, like, talking with them."
"Chose? But doesn't that mean you didn't want to be?" He's asking so many questions.
"Kind of. At first, I was against the idea. Eventually, I came around to it. Well, it was more of Raiden ignoring me until I said yes."
"Wait." His brow furrows. "So, he basically made you do it?"
"Kind of." I do not want to get into a discussion about my relationship with Raiden right now, considering I'm about to end it. "Which reminds me, I need to talk to you about something." He nods, he's a bit hesitant. A few of his thoughts slip into my head. He's running over every possible topic I could talk about. He figures it's about Yusei. A part of me is offended. Then again, I don't blame him. "No, it's not that." He looks at me confused, then relaxes. Probably remembering that I can hear his thoughts with ease. "I'm leaving Black Flag."
"Good." He almost scoffs. "It's not safe for someone like you to be in a gang." He has no idea, does he? "What? It has something to do with Yusei, doesn't it?"
"No, it doesn't!" I feel like my voice just raised an octave. "Well, not entirely. But that's not the point. It's not safe for someone like me?" I'm sure whether to scoff or laugh. "You've failed to notice that I'm a lot stronger than you are, pal."
"What? Impossible!" Kaoru is awfully dismissive of that statement. If he pulls the gender card, I swear that I'll beat him up.
"I'm serious. I've trained my body and my mind. How do you think I can control my powers?"
"Didn't you just say that training your body doesn't matter? Sounds like you're talking out of your ass." Okay, now I'm starting to get frustrated.
"Just, not now." He's caught me. Training your body has no effect. It's more of a factor that helps me feel me confident in myself. I can deal with situations in which I can't control my powers, so I can fight with my fists and not with my deck. "Right, any more questions before we start?" I move to stand up. I send Kaoru a look telling him not to ask any more questions. He seems to get the idea as he shakes his head.
Throwing my now empty coffee cup out, I think about where we could go meditate. Anywhere that's not beside the paths should be fine. We end up sitting next to a cluster of trees. The trees are bare, the leaves have long since been blown away. Luckily for us, the grass is dry so we have no problems sitting down. Kaoru sits across from me, looking at me expectedly. I try gather my thoughts. I still have no idea what I'm doing. Just because meditation worked for me doesn't mean it will work for him. All I can do is hope I suppose. I don't want him to drop out of Duel Academy when he's so close to finishing. He has a future. He could do anything he wants. Study anything, be anything. I don't want my shortcomings to be the reason he doesn't succeed.
"So?" Kaoru raises his eyebrows. I sigh. "What's the deal with this whole meditation thing?"
"I told you. It helps control your breathing and it helps you calm down."
"Seems like a load of spiritual bull to me." Must resist the urge to roll my eyes.
"Well, I didn't hurt you in our duel, did I?" He shuts up. "Besides, in meditation, you enter a state where you are completely at ease. You're not thinking of anything." How do I even explain this? It works for me, that's all he should care about. "Remember I said some psychics have other powers?" He nods. "Well, I can read people's auras. An aura is basically a type of, well, energy that psychics emit. I can feel auras when I'm near to someone, and I can tell certain things about them. Depending on who it is, I can tell how they're feeling, how they're thinking. If I'm able to get a good enough read, sometimes I'm able to predict what they're going to do. There's limits of course, but I get some basic guesses." Okay, I should really get to the point. "Well, if a psychic starts to use their powers or loses control of them, I can feel it. Psychics who meditate- yes, people other than me meditate- are able to control this. They're able to subdue their powers. If you're able to do this, you most likely never have issues dueling, like me."
"Okay." He pauses to take all of this information in. I stare at the cluster of trees as I wait. I'm filled with a sense of melancholy as I look at the bare branches. I've always hated winter. It's just the inevitable destruction before the rebirth of spring. Something clicks inside me. Is that what Kenta meant that day at the Fortune Cup? "Do you think that I could read auras?" I snap out of my thoughts and focus my attention on Kaoru. "You know, since you can?"
"Maybe. Not quite sure. I mean every psychic is different. Just because we're related doesn't mean we'll have the same experiences. Though, it's a possibility. Actually, pay no mind to it for the minute, you need to control your powers first before you do anything else." He's actually disappointed by this. Does he think being a psychic is fun? I mean, even with reading auras, you're basically intruding on their inner thoughts. Sure, you can't hear their actual thoughts, but something you can make a pretty good guess. What part of that is fun? I mean, I read people's auras, though that's more out of the situation I'm in rather than me wanting to do it. Hell, I barely look into Kaoru's thoughts because I don't want to intrude on his privacy.
"Okay, but you make it seem like you can't read everyone's auras. What's the deal with that?" I'm genuinely confused as to why Kaoru keeps avoiding the meditation he's supposed to be doing. I sigh. I suppose I would have liked someone to answer all of my questions when I discovered that I am a psychic.
"You see, here's the thing. I can read some auras. Some people are good at hiding their emotions, sometimes this means that their aura is basically blurred and it's hard to read. I mean, sometimes that person could be closed off. Though, you are able to read those auras better if you know the person and pick up little tidbits on how they act, that can help." Yusei comes to mind. It's strange, his aura was really hard to read. I thought I knew Yusei well enough that I could read his aura no problem. Guess I was wrong. Then again, I thought he became power hungry. Thinking back to that time just confuses me more. It almost doesn't feel real. I mean, a fated ancient war from five thousand years ago being waged in the Satellite of all places? I basically came back to life in an attempt at revenge, then I wake up in the Satellite like nothing happened in my regular clothes. A part of me is convinced that I got really drunk and imagined the whole thing, but I know that's wrong.
"What's wrong?" I snapped violently out of my thoughts, I look at him in shock. "I mean, there's something wrong with you. I can feel a darkness around you, like yesterday."
"Are you reading my aura?" He's right, but I can't let him know that. He wouldn't believe me.
"I don't think so. What I'm feeling doesn't sound like what you're feeling." Could this be why he keeps prodding the subject? "I think that's why you're not yourself. That darkness is stopping you."
"That's what happens when you're like me, I suppose."
"You're wrong." His eyes are completely serious; he's not going to take my word on this. "Shinji told me that you went to find Yusei after the Fortune Cup." Oh no. "He said when you came back you were different, like you'd seen hell." I did literally fall into hell, or the Gate to the Underworld, whichever you prefer. "Apparently, you told him that you didn't find Yusei and you never said more than that. I know you're lying, the way you and Yusei look at each other, something must have happened." I don't need this right now. Wait, each other? As in the way Yusei looks at me? That makes no sense, why would he look at me differently? It must be Kaoru's imagination. Yeah, that's right, his imagination. No, I can't. I refuse to dwell on this now.
"You're right, but that doesn't matter right now."
"So I am right? What happened then?" Okay, he's really starting to piss me off.
"Meditating." I'm not going to answer to him. I think he's trying to rile me up on purpose. "Sit up straight, close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Your mind should be clear of all thoughts." Kaoru shuts up and does what I tell him. It leaves me with some peace of mind, though it does leave me with my thoughts. I should probably go visit Yusei, Jack and Crow while I have a few days off work. I'm nervous at the mere prospect of that. Not out of seeing them for the first time in four years. Jack and Crow know what I did. I don't know what they'll say, what they'll think. It's terrifying to think that they may not want to see me. No, Yusei said that they would be happy to see me. I'm going to believe Yusei. I need to stop doubting myself and go with my instinct.
Oh yeah, I still have to talk to Takumi about his offer. It's decided, I'm definitely bringing Kaoru into this. With our telepathic abilities, he'd be a hindrance if he wasn't involved. Though, first I'd need to leave Black Flag, which means I have to talk with Shinji. I'll involve Kaoru in that again because his 'I don't like any guys near my sister because I know what guys are really like' attitude will come in use around Raiden. I kind of feel bad that I'm dragging Kaoru into all of this. Then again, he forced himself back into my life because I see myself in him back when I discovered my powers. It's dangerous for him, and I'm sure he knows it. Certain people could target him in order to get to me. Lure me out, and finish me. Send someone to overthrow Raiden, and they'll have a good chunk of territory on their hands. That's why having anyone not from Black Flag around me is a terrifying concept. What if me seeing Yusei, Jack and Crow now causes trouble for them? What would I do? I mean they should be strong enough to protect themselves. But the thing is, they're not very well equipped to deal with psychics. Any situation in which they're cornered by them wouldn't end well. I mean what if-
"It's not working." I sigh. Admittedly, I over-exaggerate the sigh, but I feel that I'm justified here.
"Just keep trying. Try not to think of anything." I could meditate in the hopes of guiding him, but by the way my thoughts are going, that's not going to happen. My train of thought has been broken, which is a good thing to be honest. I try to think of ways I can help Kaoru, but my mind is pretty hazy. My mind seems to blank on anything to do with training to control my powers. I suppose the trauma of that whole experience caused me to suppress the memory. My mind seems to go from 'can't control powers' to 'suddenly can control powers', which makes no sense at all. Though my life has never really made sense to begin with.
Maybe meditation isn't the right way to go about this. Kaoru said that he had trouble hearing my thoughts. If I could get that to work, maybe meditation would come easier. Since, that's a block in his mind. I close my eyes as well. I try sending thoughts into Kaoru's head. I focus on his aura and try to get his attention. If we could communicate just in our minds, that would be fantastic. It would give us a huge advantage in what's coming up. I try to keep my mind from that topic. Kaoru could be listening to my thoughts, it's always a possibility. I keep trying to gently poke his mind. I'm starting to grow tired of this, I don't think it's going to work.
What do you want? You told me to meditate, didn't you?
Well, I just wanted to see if we could do this.
Do what? We're not doing anything.
You do realise that neither of us are talking out loud right now?
At that, I feel Kaoru's concentration break. He stares at me wide eyed. His eyes move around ever so slightly as he tries to comprehend what just happened. Though, in fairness, I'm as surprised as he is. I didn't expect that to work, to be honest.
Does it still work? Kaoru keeps trying. His aura is telling me that he's almost afraid.
Yeah, I can hear you.
Kaoru stays silent for a while. His mind is clearly working so fast that he's not bothering to form words.
"That's pretty cool." He finally says something.
"Yeah, we talk shit about someone while we're around them, amazing."
"Is that a girl thing?"
"No." I pause. "You don't get out much, do you?"
"You already know that, shut up." I chuckle at his expense. It feels weird being around Kaoru again, just being ourselves. It feels like it's been centuries since we last did this. I wonder will it still be like this when everything is finished. Here's hoping anyway.
I reckon at least a few hours have passed by the time I start to fall asleep. Kaoru still hasn't got the hang of the whole 'meditation' thing. Though, I'm pretty sure it's because he doesn't know how to stop himself thinking. A part of me can relate, but then again, I often space out and when I snap out of it, it's been a substantial length of time.
Okay, seriously, I'm hungry and tired now. That's not a good combination for me. To be nice, I should probably invite Kaoru over for dinner. I suppose I could invite Shinji, then I bring up Black Flag. Sounds like a good idea. Though I will have to sit on the floor, but ah well.
"Hey, you hungry?" Kaoru breaks out of his concentration. I notice how tired he is. I can imagine that concentrating a lot like that can be tiring.
"Oh gods, yes." His shoulders fall slightly, causing him to hunch and ruin the perfect posture he's been holding for a while.
"I'm making stir fry tonight, do you want to come over?" He needs to say yes, or I need to rework my plan.
"Yeah sure, it beats paying for food."
"Are you sure I'm not going to charge you?" He freezes for a second, and I start to laugh. "I'm joking, I'm joking. At least for now." A smirk creeps onto my face. I'm sure that Kaoru is cursing me inside of his head.
I wonder how Kaoru is going to deal with the next few days. I plan to be out of Black Flag within the next few days, and then the fun really starts. A lot of information is going to be given very quickly to him, and he'll need to take all of it on board. Though, if I take it one step at a time, I suppose I should come out alright at the end. At least, I hope so.