"I thought you had lost that necklace."
Jack breaks the silence that had weighed down the air in the minutes after Crow left to go back to work. I fiddle with the necklace between my fingers.
"Nah, did you?" I stare at the necklace. Jack had one that matched this one back in the Satellite. The rings that hang on the necklaces aren't the same, but they're close enough in size and colour.
"Of course not." Jack has always suspected that ring is the last thing that remains of his parents. We fade into silence again. I want to bring up Carly, I probably should. I think I should make more conversation before going into a topic like that. "Yusei's gone to get parts, right?" I take a long sip from coffee cup number five. I'm kinda grateful that we're home alone right now. It gives him space to breathe.
"That's right. I don't know when he'll be back." He thinks I want to know when he'll be back. I don't think he realises that I'm not just here for Yusei. Jack and Crow are my family too, for better or for worse.
"So, some girl named Carly called in yesterday." I stare at the wall, turning the cup in my hand. "Apparently, you've been avoiding her." I look at him, he stiffens ever so slightly. He says nothing. "She was a Dark Signer, wasn't she?"
"Yes." He pauses before he replies. I'm surprised he admitted that so easily.
"She doesn't remember anything." Jack nods, he's well aware of that. "You blame yourself for what happened, don't you?" He doesn't say anything, I keep talking. I can tell from his aura that I'm right. "Please don't blame yourself, whatever it was, it was out of your control-"
"You're one to talk." Jack cuts me off, he stares right at me. He's got me there. "Don't think that we don't notice." Please don't tell me that Jack's going to go off on one of his big brother rants. "You just sit around all day, that's not right."
"I mean I can't walk around a lot."
"That's not what I mean." Oh boy. "You take an awful lot of naps. I know you don't sleep at all during the night, so you try to drink as much coffee as you can." I stop just before I down the last of coffee number five. He's right there. "You've seen hell, haven't you?"
"Twice, if we're being exact." Literal hell, two. Metaphorical hell, another two.
"I've seen it too." I put the cup in the sink. I stare right back at Jack. There's a beat of silence. I feel like in that moment we see completely eye to eye. Four years apart, and completely different lives. The life of a King versus the life of a commoner, forcefully kneeling to the ruling class. And yet, here we are.
"Then, you'll know what I'm talking about. You're doing yourself no good by blaming yourself for what happened." I sigh, my shoulders sag. "Why are you avoiding her exactly?" Jack says nothing. I think he's going to ignore the question.
"She only got involved because of me." It surprises me when he answers.
"You think it's the best way to protect her?" He nods solemnly. The only sound in the room is the steady dripping of the tap. No matter how hard I turn the tap, I can't stop it. The sound of it drives me up a wall. "As much as you may think that will work, it won't. She cares too much for you. She'll keep clawing her way back into your life. You feel lonely as all hell without her. You lie awake thinking about everything you did wrong, and how you should have done things differently." I look away from the tap, and back at Jack. There's a small glimpse of realisation in his eyes. I think he realises that I'm speaking from his experience, and that's why I'm standing here right now.
"What do you want me to do?" That look in his eyes is gone. His gaze steels. "She doesn't remember anything, what do I say to her? All she wants is answers."
"Don't say anything." I shrug my shoulders. "If you tell her about what she did, she'd carry that guilt with her for the rest of her life. The realisation that you nearly killed thousands of people isn't a pleasant one." I remember waking up in the Satellite all alone. The realisation of what I had done came back to me all at once. I started sobbing so loudly that it attracted the attention of people nearby. They managed to get me on a boat back to the City once they started up again. I remember very little of that time. Too many memories and too much guilt. "Just-" I pause, trying to figure out how I'm going to word this. "Just reach out to her, but play dumb." I take a deep breath. "If she doesn't remember, great. If she does, don't leave her alone. That's the worst thing you could do." It's true. Being left alone with those thoughts can drive you to do stupid things. I had the bruises and scars to prove it, though my healing factor kicked in before anyone noticed them.
Jack stares at me, I can't tell what he's thinking. Then again, I never have. Jack puts up these walls between himself and everyone else. There are times when I glance through the cracks, but I never get that much from it. Though, I guess you could say the same about me. Despite me having as many emotions as I do, I know that I never show them. Apparently, I'm infamous for having approximately three facial expressions. I wonder what exactly he's thinking. Probably pointing out every parallel between us. Maybe he's thinking about Carly, everything he could do.
I take my phone off the counter and play with it in my hand, running my fingers over the magenta phone case that was picked out for me. Jack's phone buzzes. "I sent you her number, you have a lot to think about."
I walk back down into the garage and take my usual seat on the couch. I start back into my book where I had left off. Some medieval fantasy that Emiko picked out for me. My mind draws similarities between the plot of the book and everything that happened with the Dark Signers, from what I can remember and the mysterious knowledge that managed to find itself in my head. I try to ward that off and just enjoy the book. I end up lying upside down with my legs dangling over the back of the chair in an attempt to find a comfortable writing position. I've read a few more chapters by the time that Yusei comes back. He only realises my strange reading position when he sets down the bag of parts on the desk. I send him a smile, lowering the book so he can see my face. He smiles back, amused. I imagine that I spend a few more hours reading, the way the book is written makes it so easy to read. I set the book down in relief after a particularly tense moment. Yusei looks over to me from in front of the computer. I think I sighed a little too loud. Both of us chuckle, I don't know why, it just came naturally to me. I put the book down for the while. I talk to Yusei with my legs crossed underneath me. Yusei notices the necklace as I move it around to the front, the ring had moved around onto my back. He smiles a little wider than usual. I swear that my heart skips a beat.
I wake up from my afternoon nap to find Yusei's jacket laid over me, again. I squint at my phone as I try to read the text message that woke me up. At first, I think that the text isn't meant for me.
"Hey Yusei?" I call for out for him as he works on his D-Wheel.
"Yeah?" He moves his head so I can see most of his face instead of just the top of his hair.
"Any particular reason Aki asked to go Christmas shopping with me?" I stare at the text again to make sure that my eyes are working.
"You said you needed to go Christmas shopping, so I asked Aki to go with you." He continues when he sees my confused face. "I think it would be good for you."
"What do you mean by good for me?" I raise my eyebrows.
"Interacting with someone who isn't us." He means himself, Jack and Crow. Yusei starts working on his D-Wheel again.
"And by that, you mean a girl." Yusei is still trying to convince me that Aki doesn't hate me. I mean she hasn't given me a reason to believe otherwise so far. I suppose that her asking me to go shopping is more a favour for Yusei.
"No, you have a lot in common with her." Yusei gives me that look, the one he gives me when he wants me to do something. It's a soft look, nothing like Raiden's. Your skin tingles if Raiden looks at you and he wants you to do something. It's not a comfortable tingling. It burns and spreads across your skin, almost like an itch. You'd do anything to get rid of the heat of his eyes. He used it a lot on me. "A lot more than you realise." Yusei stares right at me, throwing any thoughts of Raiden from my head. He's talking about Raiden and Divine, right? Could be the whole psychic thing. I don't even know anymore.
Yusei's eyes are different from Raiden's. They're still warm, but not scorching hot like Raiden's. My knees feel weak when he looks at me like that. I generally end up doing what he asks. They're normally harmless things that don't have much consequence, but the sentiment is still there. "Alright." I pause for a beat. "I'll go." I start texting Aki back. Yusei smiles at me before returning to his D-Wheel. I sigh, I didn't think I was that weak.
I stand near the entrance of the shopping centre. I look up into the glass dome just inside the entrance. The sky is gray, so not much light comes in. I look down at my phone in an attempt to look busy. Seven minutes until the time I'm supposed to meet Aki at. From the corner of my eye, I can see people glancing at me. Their eyes burn my mark. I suppress the urge to hide my mark with my hands. Mothers shield children under their arms as they walk by. I pretend I don't see it and continue to stare at my phone, trying to enjoy some cute cat videos. I spot a mop of burgundy hair that I imagine is Aki in the crowd moving towards me, so I take my earphones out and shove both my phone and earphones in my purse. To my surprise, it is Aki. I catch her eye, she smiles and moves towards me.
"Hey!" I put on my best smile to greet Aki, waving. She waves back before fixing the hair against her neck.
"Hello." She smiles at me. I notice how pretty her smile is, even though it's not a big one. "How are you doing? How's your leg?"
"Still getting better." We start walking. "My leg still gets a bit sore when I walk too much, but at least I'm not limping as much."
"Oh that's good. I'll make sure you sit down every once in awhile." I nod smiling.
We walk through the crowd in the shopping centre. I notice that Aki is getting as many stares as me. Though I suppose competing in the Fortune Cup would do that to you. The stares are accompanied by whispers. Still, Aki holds her face perfectly. You would think that nothing's wrong. I know she can hear the mutterings under people's breath. Aki is much stronger than me, stronger than I'll ever be.
"What do you need to get for your Christmas shopping then?" I ask her, once we reach a clothes shop.
"Oh I don't need to get anything. I finished my Christmas shopping last week." I stare at Aki confused. Then why did she ask me to join her? Oh wait, Yusei. She definitely likes Yusei.
"Oh, alright then." I rework everything I was going to say in my mind. "Yeah, I need to buy some wool. So I think the shop is right up here." I haven't been in this shopping centre for years, so my mind is a bit rusty.
"Wool?" Aki tilts her head ever so slightly.
"Yeah. Since I've lost my job, the only thing I can afford to do for Christmas is make everyone scarves. It's not much, but it's the best I can do." I have the knitting needles and the time to pull this off, so it works.
"That's a great idea." I turn my head towards Aki, not expecting that answer. "Homemade gifts are really special."
"Yeah, I suppose they are." I put my hand on the back of my neck and give a chuckle. We reach the fabric store and I relax a little. I immediately stop in front of the wool to rest my feet, even though I can't sit down.
"How many colours do you need?" Aki asks, beside me. I start counting everyone on my fingers. Thirteen people, I sigh.
"A lot." Aki hands me a basket. She must have picked it up at the door. "Thank you." Maybe Aki doesn't entirely hate me. I start picking out colours. I think about what colours would suit different people most. I glance towards Aki as she looks at the various different colours of wool and pick up a plum colour to match her dress. I hear more whispers behind us, calling Aki a 'witch'. I see Aki clutch the strap of her purse tighter. Maybe Aki isn't as impenetrable as I thought. I stand closer to her and smile. She smiles back. It's a small smile, she's trying her hardest. Her eyes are soft, I think she's trying not to cry. I end up with six colours, which surprises me.
I pay for the wool, and we leave the shop. I walk a little closer to Aki than before. She doesn't move away. She starts to talk more. I realise that I'll probably need a nice dress to wear at Christmas. We start dress shopping. The first shop we enter, Aki's suggestion, is far too expensive for me. The cheapest dress is just under double what I have in my purse. I think Aki realises this as she sees me walking away immediately once I see the price on every dress. She recommends the cheapest store in the shopping centre, she doesn't refer to it as such to save my pride. I'm well aware of this shop, everything that I didn't make for myself in my wardrobe is from this same shop. The dresses are actually in my budget, what a concept. I wander around the section filled with dresses. There isn't much of a selection that would suit me left. Then again, I waited until the week before Christmas to start shopping. A lot of the dresses show too much chest for my liking. While I'm not wearing my bandages, I'd rather not have my scars on display. I spot a dress with a bateau neckline which catches my eye. The skirt is a rich carmine colour with a slight sheen. The top half of the dress is a plain black fabric with half-length sleeves. I start searching for my size. I shop here enough that I don't need to change into the dress to see if it fits. Thankfully, I sigh, they have my size. Aki notices me holding up a dress from a couple aisles away and walks over to me.
"Ooh, this is a nice dress," She runs her fingers over the bottom hem of the dress, "Nice fabric too."
"Yeah, really nice fabric." I'm not going to be a nerd and talk about the exact fabric that was used. Not now at least.
"Are you going to go try it on?" She takes her hand away from the dress.
"Nah, I'm shop here enough to know that this size will fit me." I laugh a little and so does Aki. I go off to purchase the dress. Aki tells me that she'll wait with the dresses. From the queue, I can see her wandering around, looking at dresses. She told me that she already had her dress picked out, a kind of plum colour with lace overlay. I imagining something elegant but not too fancy for the occasion. Considering it's just the gang getting together and having food. I'm cooking apparently. I'm not opposed to that. If you want something done right, do it yourself and all that. I was just surprised when the guys asked me. I'm snapped out of my thoughts when the lady at the nearest till calls for the next person in the queue. I walk up to the till. The lady at the till, her eyes immediately snap to my mark and she scowls. I wanted to compliment her on her sharp winged eyeliner but I don't think she'd appreciate that. She glares at me as she rings up my purchase. I gingerly hand her exact change, that I took out of my purse beforehand. I walk as fast as I can away from tills without looking suspicious once I'm finished. When I get over to Aki, she raises her eyebrow ever so slightly but decides not to question it.
We walk around the shopping centre for a while. There's a general conversation between us, no particular topics, just saying anything that comes to mind. We're in a book shop by the time my leg starts to act up. I think Aki notices as she keeps glancing at my ankle. I trying standing up straight, but this only causes pain.
"Do you want to go get a coffee?" Aki smiles at me. I feel so embarrassed. I absolutely hate showing any signs of weakness, it only invokes pity and a reason for people to underestimate me. Of course I answer yes, and we walk towards the coffee shop across from the book shop. Perfect placing really. By the time we get to sit down, I practically fall into the chair. I squint at the menu above the tills. Damn, it's pricey. I mentally count how much money I have in my head. I can't even afford the cheapest coffee, I hold back a sigh. "Are you getting anything?" She's still standing up.
"Nah, I'm good for now." I fix my hair, dragging my fingers through the tangles. She glances down at my purse which I left on the table. And now she knows why I'm not getting anything.
"It's my treat." I stare up at Aki. I can't believe she'd do that for me.
"I mean, are you sure?" She nods, with a look in her eye that tells she's not going to accept no for an answer. "Uh, just an Americano then." That's basically the cheapest thing on the menu, so I go with that. I mean, that's what I normally get but still. As Aki queues for our coffee, I'm still in shock. She doesn't have to do this. This is just some favour to Yusei, she shouldn't be spending money on. The longer Aki spends in the queue, the guiltier I become. I've been like this when it comes to money, the thought of someone spending money on me just makes me feel guilty. Though, I suppose Aki, being the daughter of a Senator, views money differently than I do.
"Here you go." She places my cup down on the table. Then, she sits down herself. Judging by the smell, she got some kind of tea. That, and the tea bag in the cup.
"Aw thank you." I start coffee immediately, even though it's ever so slightly scalding my tongue. "What did you get actually?"
"It's a tea with hibiscus, orange peel, rose hips and passion fruit." She reads the tag hanging over the edge of the cup. It sounds so classy and elegant for a tea, perfect for Aki really.
"Not a big fan of tea but that sounds good. Not coffee though?"
"Coffee is too bitter for my liking. But yeah, it tastes really good." She continues to sip the tea.
"Oh yeah, I totally get that. The bitterness doesn't bother me really, as they say, fire can't kill a dragon." Aki laughs at that, I join in. "But anyway, Yusei told me you were thinking of going back to school?"
"I was just thinking. I feel like I should." She looks down, then looks back up at me. "Have you ever thought of going back to school?"
"Nah, formal education isn't my thing." That school was a nightmare and I'm never going back. Aki hums before taking another sip of her tea.
"I was thinking that it might be a good idea. I tried asking Yusei, but that didn't help." She bites her lip. For a second, I glimpse at the sad Aki from Duel Academy. "It might be good for the future if I ever decide to do anything."
"That's true. I remember you placing really high in your class. It could be a good thing to do." She seems surprised that I remembered that. Admittedly, I kept my eye on her back then. She didn't deserve the treatment she got. "Do you have any idea what you would do in the future?"
"Well," she shrugs her shoulder, "when I was a kid, I wanted to be a doctor and help people. Or maybe a professional duelist. Though, I think that's out the window now."
"Not necessarily. If you can control your powers, I don't see a problem with you being a professional duelist. I mean, you have the talent."
"Thank you." Her face is slightly red. "I can control my powers now."
"Well done." I smile. "And you're smart enough to be a doctor. Heck, smart enough to be anything you want."
"Thank you," she beams, "really." Aki's smile is really beautiful. I start smiling too, a bigger smile than I've worn in a long time. I nod, and tell her that it's the truth.
"How would you even apply to get back in though?" I pout.
"I contacted their office a few days ago. They'd hold an entrance exam for me, and then decide what year I'd go into." She runs her finger over the tag from the tea bag. "Divine made sure I was tutored while I wasn't in Duel Academy so hopefully I'll get back into the same group that I was in." Her eyes go wide once she realises that she said Divine's name. She presses her fingertips to her lips and looks down.
"I know how you feel." I don't realise that I say this out loud until Aki looks up at me. "I mean, with Raiden and all." I think back to what Yusei told me about Divine. Aki realises what I mean and nods her head. "Don't be afraid to mention his name. He was a part of your life, whether you like it or not. And he had an impact on your life, you can't ignore that. No matter what he did."
"I suppose you're right." Aki nods, a small sigh escaping her lips. She remains silent for a while, sipping her tea every once in awhile. Her aura becomes clear to me all of a sudden. Although she's silent, her mind is constantly mulling over something. Divine, I'm sure.
I stare at my phone on the table, coffee long finished. My life seems so quiet without Raiden. My phone barely rings anymore. The odd text from Anako or Emiko. Everything seems too quiet. A part of me craves that interaction. I almost want Raiden back in my life. I snap myself out of that train of thought. No. I left Raiden for a reason. Besides, I couldn't crawl back if I wanted to. Raiden's gone travelling. He could be anywhere right now. Plotting of ways to get back at me, getting as far away from this City and its gangs as possible. The second option sure sounds nice. One day. One day, I'll be able to leave. Leave everything behind and travel the world. No cares, no worries. That's the dream. I realise that Aki is staring at her now-empty tea cup.
"Wanna go walk around before we go?" Aki nods, before getting up. Her smile comes back as we walk through aisles upon aisles of clothes. I suppose this is what Yusei meant by 'a lot in common'. I smile, shrug my shoulders, and move on.