"You found WHAT in Linc's room?!"

Emergency meetings didn't happen that often in the Loud House. Normally, whatever it was could wait until the next scheduled meeting and go through due process and sentencing.

This was NOT one of those times.

"Luna, this isn't some sort of joke, right?" Luan asked. "I mean…he's Lincoln! He can't be having sex at his age!"

"Sis, I'm legit. I found these in his desk." Luna replied, her shock at the box in her hands still etched in her face. "Lori, didn't he break up with Ronnie Anne years ago? Who could these be for?"

Lori was silent for a minute. Her own little brother…could he really be having sex already? He was getting older, that was true. But still…she couldn't imagine Lincoln having sex already. She herself didn't lose her virginity until she turned eighteen, the age of consent in Michigan.

"Well…he is getting a little older…" she croaked, trying to clear her throat. " But I don't think he's nearly old enough."

"You're damn right he isn't old enough!" Lynn shouted, her voice infused with rage. "No brother of mine is going to be sleeping around like a who-"she was cut off by a sharp glare from Lori, motioning over at the twins.

"Maybe he just bought them, just in case?" Lucy proposed, her monotone still present even through her slight trembling.

"Well, Lincoln is a forward thinker. Always planning ahead." Luna said, reading the back of the box. "But Lincoln paid a lot for these puppies. I kinda doubt he had no-one in mind."

Everyone murmured in agreement, though the question still remained of who they were for.

"So, like, what's wrong with Linky buying balloons?" Leni asked, not fully understanding what the commotion was about.

"And why isn't he sharing with us?" Lola demanded, upset at the thought that her brother wouldn't share his party favors with them.

"Well, there are numerous reasons as to why Lincoln would purchase such contraceptives without letting us know…" Lisa glanced over at twins, smiling. "You two will find out when you're older."

Lola and Lana looked at their braniac of a sister with a puzzled look on their faces.

"Wait, why would Lincoln sleep with balloons?" Lana asked, before registering Lisa's last comment. "Hey, we're older than you!"

Lori slammed the gavel on the desk, trying to maintain order. "Lisa, you have the floor. Statistical analysis on why our brother purchased these…contraceptives."

Lisa started doing some calculations on her blackboard at breakneck speed, while the others sat and pondered the previous query.

Despite what her sister's thought, Leni wasn't THAT dumb. She knew exactly what her sisters were talking about and what her brother had bought. Even though she and her previous boyfriend didn't use them, she knew what condoms were. In fact, it was Lincoln who consoled her and had asked her about their use when her boyfriend…well, that's a story for another time. Lincoln had promised her to her face that he would always be safe and responsible with girls and especially when it came to sex. It was one of the few things that he promised her on that night, and was one of many promises she would do anything to make him keep.

Luna was still shocked, trying to rid her mind of the dirty thoughts filling her head. Ranking even ahead of Chunk, Lincoln has been her best friend for as long as she could remember. As such, there had been times when certain…thoughts…ran through her hand. Thoughts she wasn't proud of, thoughts she knew were wrong...thoughts that she knew she couldn't let her sisters know about. She's known about these feelings ever since Lincoln surprised her with backstage passes to a show during Mick Swagger's "You Can Sometimes Get What You Want" tour. Lincoln had worked overtime for three months to get those tickets. No one ever sacrificed anything for her, except for Linc. He truly was her best friend, and she truly hated how her mind and body wanted to pay him back.

Luan, on the other hand, didn't have to suppress her thoughts. She knew what she wanted to come of this discovery. She knew what she NEEDED to come of this discovery. Of the Loud sisters that were older than Lucy, Luan was the only one of them to never have a boyfriend. It wasn't for lack of options, however. After losing the braces and maturing into the figure she had today, Luan was sought after by most boys she came across. She lost track of how many guys had asked her out after the hundredth rejection. It was nothing against them, many of them were funny or attractive in their own ways…but Luan kept rejecting them. They just weren't the one she had her heart set on.

Lynn was furious, outright outraged at her brother's purchase. The doofus didn't even have a girlfriend, and he had the nerve to go out and buy rubbers in bulk?

"If he thinks he's going to go sleep with another girl, I swear I'm going to ki-"she stopped her thought dead in its tracks, realizing just what it was she had said in her head.

Lisa spun the board around now, showing a pie graph with numerous slices of the pie being redirected to assorted algorisms and probability formulas explaining them.

"Now, there are many different possibilities as to why our brother has chosen to procure such a product as those…" Lisa pointed at the box Luna still held in her hand. "I believe, however, we can rule out a few possibilities."

"What do you mean, dude?" Luna asked, trying to make sense of the graph. "What possibilities?"

"Well, the chances of Lincoln buying them for a friend or as a prank are slim to nothing, thus statistically improbably enough to eliminate from the equation." she crossed out a few minor slivers of the graph, looking back at her siblings. "Eliminating those, we can safely assume that Lincoln made the purchase with a particular partner in mind. Cross referencing the contacts in his phone with his class roster…" Lisa spins the board around again, revealing a list of about twenty names on the other side. "These are the girls in which Lincoln might have bought them for, in descending order of most to least likely."

Everyone gathered around the board, strangely recognizing most of the names on the board.

Self-usage – % 47.8585

Lynn Loud - % 5.79

Luna Loud - % 5.79

Luan Loud - % 5.79

Lori Loud - % 5.79

Leni Loud…

"Wait, what the heck is this?!" Lori shouted angrily, stomping her way up to Lisa. "Lisa, are you insinuating that Lincoln bought those for us?" Lisa pushed her glasses back into position, clearing her throat.

"Well, aside from the very probable option at the top of the board, that is what the statistical analysis conveys, yes." She circled the "self-usage" slice again.

Lori shook her head. "That's ridiculous. Lincoln wouldn't dream of something so…wrong!"

"Yeah, man. Lincoln's not into that sort of thing." Luna growled, angrier at herself than the implications of the board.

"The numbers don't lie." Lisa stated, sighing at her sisters refusal. "But then again, why don't we just ask him tonight?"

The room suddenly went completely quiet. Lori shuffled back to the desk at the front of the room and pounded the gavel a few times.

"Alright. All in favor of Luna confronting Lincoln about this?" Lori asked, moving the motion forward.

A sea of hands quickly shot up, all except for one.

"Bloody hell, why do I have to do it?" Luna asked indigently, not understanding why she was singled out.

"Because YOU'RE the one who found them in his room." Lori stated as a matter-of-factly.

"Damnit, I guess they're right…" Luna thought, sighing and accepting her fate. "What the hell am I going to do…"

"Motion passed. Luna will ask Lincoln about it tonight, and will report back with her findings tomorrow night." Lori said, slapping the gavel against her desk once again. "Meeting adjourned."

"Damn, this is going to be awkward…Guess I better tell Chunk I'm not gonna make the concert." Luna thought as she slunk back to her room. To her, the concert was the least of her worries. Not only did she have to confront her brother about his condoms, but she also had to keep her own feelings in check.

"Shit." Luna mumbled to herself, slipping into her nightwear. "Tonight is going to be a long night."