My heart pounded in my chest as I paced my room. It had been twenty minutes since I had left Tommy in his jeep. I chewed on the fingernail of my right thumb as I paced, my nerves vibrating. What if he wasn't coming? Was I too forward to suggest coming to my room to talk? We could have met in the dining area like before. I should have suggested a drink. Or, we could have just stayed in his jeep and talk. It didn't much matter where it happened. It was going to be a blow to him regardless of where we talked. Sighing, I scooped up my phone and room key in my hand and headed for the door. I pulled it open, revealing a slightly surprised Tommy on the other side of it. I let out a little squeak of shock, startled by him.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." He said softly, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans.
"No. You're fine. Come in." I moved to the side to let him in. He took a long step inside, allowing me to shut the door. Taking a deep breath, I turned to face him. "You want something from the mini bar?" I asked, pointing at the miniature fridge by the dresser. He shook his head.
"I think I had enough alcohol for the night." He said, rubbing the back of his head in a nervous way. Sighing, I sat on the corner of the bed and looked at my hands.
"Tommy, there's no easy way to say this so I'm just going to do it. After I left for Florida, I was happy. I was training for the Olympics with a world-famous trainer, I had a perfect boyfriend and I didn't have to worry about Rita or Zedd attacking me anymore. At first, everything was great. But then Aisha would call me and tell me about all the things going on in Angel Grove while I was in Florida. About your battles, school and everything the group was doing. Without me. I didn't know it then, but I was starting to get homesick. Everything I did made me think of being back here with you guys. I even begged my coaches to give me a few weeks off, so I could come back and see everyone. They told me if I went, I would be off the team. That I hadn't put enough time in on the team and if I was serious about starting a career in this, I had to keep my head in the game. So, I stayed in Florida and kept practicing. My heart wasn't in it though. All I wanted to do was be here with you and the rest of our friends. I was distracted, my grades started slipping and my team noticed I wasn't doing as well as I was before. My coach suspended me for a week and told me to get my head out of my ass before I came back. My first thought was to come back here for the week. I figured if I was here, I could make up my mind about whether I had made the right choice about leaving. I packed up my things and booked a flight home." I felt tears well in my eyes and I tried to blink them away.
"Hey." He said softly, kneeling down in front of me. "Kim, you don't have to do this."
"Yes, I do." I said. "I was staying in the dorms with the rest of the team. As I was leaving, I was waiting for the elevator. It was taking forever so I decided to take the staircase. Half way down, there was a broken stair. I never saw it until I stepped on it. I ended up falling down two flights of steps. Everything during the fall is fuzzy but I remember waking up laying on the floor. There was so much pain everywhere. I couldn't move, and no one heard me when I called out for help. It felt like forever. Everyone was at practice. A janitor finally found me. I was rushed to the hospital and into emergency surgery. When I fell, I tore three vertebrae in my back. It temporarily paralyzed me. They were able to put pins in my back to fix everything, but I was told I could never practice gymnastics again. It was too much of a risk. If I twisted or fell the wrong way, it would paralyze me for life. When I was released from the hospital, I was instantly removed from the team. I was replaced before my stuff was even out of my room. My aunt let me stay with her until Mom could come back to the states. I was depressed. I hid in my room. I refused to answer phone calls. I thought my life was over. My only option of a career was gone and everyone I loved was here. When Mom finally made it to me, she asked me what I wanted to do. I told her I wanted to come back to Angel Grove. She said I could as long as Aisha and her family were alright with me staying with them again and understood me risks since my fall.
I called Aisha to tell her the news. Before I could though, she told me about Kat. At first, she didn't want to because the two were becoming friends and she didn't want to cause any trouble. But she said she felt like I deserved to know. She told me that Kat had strong feelings for you. She had confided in Aisha that she was glad I wasn't around anymore because she felt the two of you were getting to know each other really well. That she was being a good friend for you while I was gone and that it seemed to everyone else that you were also beginning to have feelings for her. I was heartbroken. After I had lost everything, you were the one thing I thought I was going to have and here I was being told that you had found someone else. I didn't even ask her about staying. I hung up and cried for what felt like hours. That's when I wrote the letter. In my mind, I thought that if I didn't end things, it wasn't being fair to you. I was this broken person that would need to be sheltered the rest of my life and I couldn't expect you to want to be with that person. I made up the story about another guy in hopes to prevent you from trying to contact me. I knew if I saw or heard you, I'd just give in. I couldn't do that to you." Tears streamed down my face as I ran a hand through my hair. "Tommy, I'm so sorry for doing that to you. You deserved so much better than that."
"Kim, listen to me." Tommy said, taking my hands in his. "You should have told me about the accident. I would have been there in a heartbeat."
"I know. That's why I didn't do it. You had responsibilities here with the Rangers. I couldn't ask you to come be with me when the world was at risk. People could have died, and I couldn't have that hanging over your head. You had a team that was counting on you. Zordon was counting on you to lead them and I couldn't risk you leaving your job to come sit by me."
"You could have given me that choice." He said, standing. He ran a hand through his hair. "Why didn't you tell me this when I saw you on the island of Muranthias? After the battle was over. We could have talked."
"When I was under that spell, something happened in my mind. Its powers kept showing me all of my deepest fears that I had hidden in the back of my mind. It was like a horror movie was being played on repeat that I couldn't shut off no matter how much I tried. All I could see was Kat and you together, fighting side by side, in the spot where I should have been. My own voice was telling me how much you had moved on since I wrote the letter. That you had probably slept with Kat before the ink had even dried. Then it showed me the two of you in bed together. I fueled the rage that the spell wanted me to feel. It was like I was watching myself attack you and I wasn't sure if I wanted to stop. And then Kat got in my way, I thought for sure I was going to kill her. Everything in me told me to. The voice in my head kept telling me that she had been the one who took you away from me. That she was the reason I had lost my powers. That I wasn't a Power Ranger anymore. But I knew in the back of my mind that it wasn't her fault. I had been the one who left. I was the one who broke up with you. I tried to convince myself to ignore the voices. Kat was my friend. It was no use though. No matter how hard I fought it, the bad thoughts I had about her kept coming back stronger than before." I stood up, crossing my arms in front of me. I didn't look at him as I took a few steps away from the bed. "I almost gave into it until you took off your helmet. Once I saw your face and heard you voice, I knew I had to fight it. I knew that if I didn't, I would never be able to see you again and everything would have been my fault."
"You were under a spell, Kim. The fact you were trying to fight it shows how strong of a person you are. Wait." He stopped for a second, looking at me. "If you aren't able to perform gymnastics anymore because of the risk, doesn't that mean you can't fight either?" I nodded, peering up at him. "While you were fighting on Muranthias, you were risking your injuries!" He exclaimed. "Kim, you could have gotten seriously hurt. You could have ended up in a wheel chair for the rest of your life. Why didn't you say something?"
"I couldn't just let you guys fight when I was there to help. Jason would have ended up dying in the volcano if I hadn't. Why is my life worth more than anyone else's?" I whispered.
"What about the martial arts tournament afterwards? You were there. You could have said something to me then."
"I saw how you were with Kat. I didn't think it would matter then if I told you. You two looked happy together and I had no right to pour salt in old wounds. That's why I left without saying anything. Jason covered for me though." Sighing, Tommy rubbed his face with his hands.
"My relationship with Kat, though it was nice, wasn't much of anything. I knew she liked me and I figured it would be a good idea since I had just been broken up with. There wasn't much there though. We didn't like the same things. She always talked to moving back home after we graduated. I wasn't too keen on the idea of leaving the states though. It got to the point there I was just following the routine of being a boyfriend with her. I think that's why she wasn't too shocked when I suggested we end things before she went off to college. She understood what was going on between us and why it wasn't the same for me as it was for her." He explained, turning to face me. I leaned against the wall, my knees feeling weak from my confession to him. "She was standing next to me in the command center when we saw that you had been captured. When I saw your face on the screen, it was like time hadn't passed. All I knew was that you were in danger and I needed to save you, regardless of the cost. When Divatox said she had released you guys in the water, my heart sank to my toes when I saw the dummies floating at sea. I thought for sure you were dead. It had been two years since you had left me, and I was in a committed relationship with someone else who was right next to me and still, all I cared about was whether or not you were alive. I'm surprised Kat didn't walk out on me after that. Rocky told me though that she knew no matter how hard she tried, she would never be the one thing I needed; you."
"Tommy…" I whispered, trailing off. "I never meant to hurt you. All I wanted to do was to make sure you didn't waste the rest of your life taking care of me when I didn't even want to look at myself. You still had a future ahead of you and I didn't want you to rearrange your life so you could be with me. It wasn't fair to you. And I figured since you never reached out to me after I sent the letter, you were fine with us ending things. Even though I didn't want you to, I had always hoped you would come find me and try to work on things. When you didn't, I knew I had made the right choice."
"I thought you were with Jason." He responded in a soft voice. "When I read the letter, he was the first guy that came to mind. And then the two of you were captured together. It made sense to me at the time. I wanted to punch his lights out and scream at the both of you. But then he confided in me that he had been seeing Trini since after they had left the team. Do they know about your accident?" He asked. I nodded.
"The two of them came to see me after they were back from Switzerland. It was right after my accident. I didn't want to tell them but my aunt slipped up while they were in the room. I had no choice but to tell them. And then I told them I had broken up with you. They tried their hardest to get me to call you. To go back to Angel Grove with them to fix things. I couldn't though. Aisha had told me that Kat and you had already been on a few dates. I couldn't dare to face you then. I swore the two of them to secrecy though. Especially Jason. He wanted to tell you so bad."
"I'm glad he didn't I suppose." Tommy said, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I don't think I would have believed it if I had heard it from anyone else but you. I've spent so much time being mad at you. Wondering why you found someone else to replace me with."
"I didn't. No one could replace you, Tommy."