Chapter 22: What Must Be Done
My thanks to all my readers and reviewers...Enjoy-S.S.
Snape's Quarters, Slytherin Dungeons, Hogwarts...
He had not known what time it was when he felt Hermione shake him awake with concern in her voice. She looked at him with such fear and confusion behind her amber eyes. He felt her soft and nimble fingers pressed against the front of his chest. The warmth of her hitched breath on his face as he looked at her not sure if he had still been dreaming or awake. Then he saw it as she moved her hands from his chest. The slick crimson between her thumb and index finger. Blood. He blinked trying to catch the breath that hitched in his own chest. As he brought himself down from a panic state to one of logic. The events of the previous few hours retraced gave clarification to the jumble of thoughts that threatened to overwhelm him.
"It's not mine." he said not realizing at first how trite that sounded in his deep baritone drawl.
Hermione fear only seemed to increase as she looked at him. Her husband, the man she was expecting to have a child with.
"H-Have you..." she said putting her clean hand over her mouth in shock at just the thought of what she was about to express. "Have you killed someone?"
Snape sighed the silence heavy between them and filling up the empty spaces in the room.
"Severus?" she asked in the most innocent of tones. "Severus answer me."
"Yes." replied Snape honestly, his tone possibly a little too cold for her innocent ears. "I do what I must."
Hermione looked as if her whole world had been shattered.
She moved to get up from the bed. Snape grabbed her by her wrists and looked deep into her terror stricken amber eyes.
"Stop." he said plainly. "It's not what you have lead yourself to believe."
Hermione struggled some trying to knee him in the groin in a bid to get free. Snape pinned her arms above her head with one hand and pinned her thigh to the mattress with the other. The move caused her to moan involuntarily and he smiled looking down at her with a flicker of heat behind his obsidian eyes.
"Listen to me." he said as his baritone drawl filled her ears like spoken honey glistening in it's appetizing state. "I have only done what was asked of me by The Order of Phoenix, before them I was a foolish boy who made all the wrong choices...I do not convince myself that I am some unsung hero fighting in the dark...that is your romanticized view of me...I know who and what I am...this child that you carry inside you means more to me than you can even imagine..."
Hermione stopped struggling considering his words. He considered wither or not to tell her that the blood had been from Bellatrix. Not wanting to upset her more, he decided to leave that bit out.
"I was summoned by the dark lord today." said Snape. "I watched another be cursed until he had been satisfied."
Hermione's eyes widened.
"If I had not given a satisfactory report then it would have indeed been my blood." he said.
The young witch stopped struggling. Her amber eyes filled with sympathy.
"I'm sorry." she said."I-I just..."
"Believed the worst of me." he said emotionless. "I told you before I know who and what I am...I need no romanticizing."
Hermione sighed.
Sensing that she was again calm Snape released her. He climbed off the bed and made his way into the front room. It had gotten pretty chilly with the fire having done out but he felt like sitting in the dark. After a time Hermione came out of the bedroom. She watched him sit in the dark for what seemed like hours, not moving an inch.
She felt terrible for being so frightened of him. The more she thought about it the more she believed herself to be utterly foolish regarding her husband. They were in the middle of a war. Severus was a spy working in Voldemort's death eater ranks, if he didn't kill then they would be suspicious of him and possibly murder him and then where would the order be when in need of information? Vital information that could have saved a great many lives.
With a sigh the bushy haired witch made her way over toward her husband.
She could tell by his slow breaths and nonexistent movement that he had been using occulemency.
The young witch tentatively reached out and stroked his sallow pale cheek with one hand. He seemed to respond letting out a low involuntary groan at the contact. Feeling brave, she made her way into his lap. This seemed to shake him from his mental barrier and he wrapped his arms around her.
"I'm sorry." she said resting her head against his shoulder.
He said nothing as he took in both her scent and her warmth.
"Did you mean it?" she asked.
"Did I mean what?" asked Snape.
"When you said that this baby means more to you than I could ever imagine." she said in an innocent tone.
Snape sighed and placed his free hand on her belly. She had been surprised by the warmth of his touch. Never before had he touched her so intimately outside of bedding her. It was clear that something was happening that neither one of them had been able to foresee when their marriage was arranged. They just wouldn't speak of it. He wouldn't because he never spoke his feelings to anyone. She wouldn't for fear of making him push her away.
"Yes." replied Snape meeting her amber gaze.
Unable to find the words to reply without getting overly emotional, Hermione decided to poor all her feelings for her husband into a deep and passionate kiss. She had been surprised when he returned it just the same.
It wasn't long before the bushy haired witch found herself being carried back toward the bedroom in her husband's arms.
They both had been stripped of their respective clothing and pressed against the mattress of his large black four poster bed. He whispered something almost inaudible in her ear as he proceeded to "make her feel good" for the rest of the night.
Later...
Snape's Front Room, Slytherin Dungeons, Hogwarts...
The orange glow of the fire had been calming as Snape stared into the flames. They seemed to dance along the now blackened log crackling lightly. The Potions Master held a glass of firewhiskey in his hands as he paced the cold stone floor. He had been down to his worn black trousers and his feet were bare and very pale against the darkness of the room.
He had been unable to sleep much though he had done a good job of ensuring that his young wife had been worn out. He ventured into the living room to keep from disturbing her rest. The dour wizard could not shake the way she looked at him when he had told her the blood she found on his person had not belonged to him.
There was absolute terror in her eyes.
For a moment he had been reminded of the day Lily found out he had taken the dark mark.
{ The term had nearly been at an end when a 16 year old Lily Evans approached him. Her emerald eyes with a flicker of emotion that held no significance to him. They had not spoken in more than three months since the incident at the lake. She had been worried about her former friend, upon hearing rumors that he had indeed joined the death eaters she wanted to see for herself if it had been indeed true from what James and the other's had told her.
Severus had been withdrawn for much of that year. The beautiful Gryffindor had not known it was due to the fact that he suffered significant loss. His mother had been murdered by his abusive father, who then took his own life after the fact denying the boy his vengeance, Then she turned away from him and ran into the arms of his greatest enemy. The last witch he kept company with had been set to marry his best friend due to his blood status and later he was pressured into joining a faction that held little to no interest in him for the sake of another.
"Snape." said Lily as she caught him by the lake.
The very lake where she told him to stay away from her.
He had not looked too well, his dark eyes more cold than ever she had seen them.
"What do you want?" he asked in an icy tone.
Lily had been taken aback by the coldness in him. It seemed all too clear that he had become one of them.
"Is it true?" she asked. "Have you become one of THEM?"
Severus glared at the red haired witch. She had been a fine one to talk abandoning him to be apart of the very group that tormented him. He had not seen why he had to answer to her, she was little more than a stranger now.
"What do you care?" he asked bitterly. "Why don't you go back to your precious Potter."
"Just answer my question." said Lily.
Severus whirled on her in an instant as rage filled him.
"Why do you care?" he asked. "I was little more than a joke to you...my affections meant nothing...you got what you wanted and you rushed off to Potter the first chance you got."
Lily had been filled with fear as she looked at him. He was a stranger to her now but she just needed the confirmation.
As if sensing this Severus raised his sleeve showing her the dark mark.
"Is this what you came for?" he asked. "To find out if your precious Potter had been right...if I was really a... monster."
Tears streamed down lily's cheeks as she took in the sight of the ugly black thing on Severus's right forearm. There was a fear in her eyes that he had never seen before. She had apparently thought him to be as much a monster as everyone had said he was by then, though she never knew the truth behind his taking it then nor would she ever.
"Why?" she asked as silent tears filled her emerald green eyes.
Rage continued to build inside him.
"My reasons are my own." he said and walked away from her. }
Snape finished off his firewhiskey and made his way back to his bedroom.
Hermione had still been fast asleep.
The Potions Master almost smiled when she moaned his name in sleep. He scooted close to the sleeping witch until his body was pressed against her sleeping form. She seemed to relax against him. It was then that Snape found himself drifting off to sleep with one hand draped over her belly in a protective fashion.
The young witch opened her eyes and sighed.
She had no idea what was happening between her and her husband. The effects of the strange marriage had been evident. The surreal nature of their child growing inside her only seemed to solidify a bond that had been taking place between then.
Hermione drifted back into sleep with her hand over her husband's across her belly.
It was apparent that this child did mean a great deal to him.