Chapter 4
The next morning found Victoria back in the garden again, this time with Audra beside her. They didn't talk a lot. They mainly watched for Sheriff Madden to come with any news from Nick and Heath, but now and then, Audra spoke up.
"Do you remember when Nick and Heath were thrown into that prison and abused so badly, and Jarrod got them out?" Audra asked.
"Oh, I don't want to remember that," Victoria said.
"It made you feel kind of the way Jarrod feels now, didn't it?"
Victoria was surprised Audra was bringing that horrible time up now, but in just a moment it made sense. "You're right. I did want to have at that – Ridgely or Rissley or whatever his name was – for what he did to Nick and Heath. I did want to kill him. But of course, I'm a woman. I couldn't do that, and I suppose I knew that, which made me want to do it even more but kept me from even trying."
"I guess, when you think about it, you can understand what's happening to Jarrod better."
Victoria did think about it. "Perhaps, but – I know I wouldn't have done it, even if I were a man. And Jarrod didn't do it. He worked within the law to get them free."
Audra considered what she was about to say next, but then said it. "Did Jarrod ever tell you how much he wanted to kill that prison warden the night he rescued Nick and Heath?"
Victoria looked over, startled. "No."
"He told me about it," Audra said, staring at her hands. "He was serious, too, and now I wonder – maybe I should have told you and Nick and Heath about it. Maybe you could have stopped him this time."
"Oh, no Audra, don't feel guilty that you didn't tell us, especially if Jarrod told you in confidence," Victoria said. "There was nothing any of us could do to keep him from going after Hyatt. Nick tried - he couldn't stop him. Even if we had known what he told you, we couldn't have stopped him."
Audra looked at her mother. "Then don't you feel guilty, either, Mother."
Victoria felt suddenly exposed. Audra was right. Victoria had to admit it to herself, she was feeling guilty that Jarrod got away from them to go after Hyatt. But – "How did you know I felt guilty?"
"You've seemed a bit – paralyzed," Audra said. "You seem to want to just sit here in the garden or in the house, like you can't move."
"I keep hoping they'll come riding back in."
"I know, but it seems to be more than that. You just need to realize that it's not your fault that Jarrod went after Hyatt."
Victoria sighed. "I suppose, when something like this happens to your son, you not only wonder what you did wrong the night he left. You wonder what you did wrong all the years you were raising him."
"Oh, Mother, you raised Jarrod to be a wonderful man!" Audra cut her off. "He's compassionate and decent and he fights for the law."
"Except this time," Victoria said. "This time it's all turned upside down."
"But not because of anything you did or failed to do."
"Perhaps but I'm not sure, Audra. Maybe the man he is right now IS the man I raised, just the other side of all the fine qualities I raised him to have. Maybe all my sons have that other side."
"Maybe they do," Audra said, "but they were also raised to learn, and to learn from each other. When they bring Jarrod home, they'll start to think about that. Jarrod will learn from his mistake, but so will Nick and Heath. It will be all right. Over time, they'll be better men for this."
Victoria sighed. "I wish that thought made it worth this wait, but Audra – I'm not sure Jarrod will come back or learn from his mistake this time. I'm just not sure."
They sat together for a long time in silence then, until they heard a horse riding in and saw Sheriff Madden. They got up as he came toward them.
"Have you heard something?" Victoria asked.
Sheriff Madden nodded. "I got a wire from Nick and Heath. They're near Turlock. They found out Jarrod was there and kept going south. They're still following him."
Victoria sighed. "How could he have gotten so far ahead of them that they haven't found him yet?"
"I don't know," the sheriff said, "but I'll lay odds that like you said, Jarrod is riding all night and Nick and Heath know they have to stop. I hate to say this, but I hope Jarrod rides his horse so bad it drops. That could be the best thing for Jarrod right now."
"Are you still wiring the sheriffs of the towns in the direction Jarrod is going?"
"Yes," the sheriff said. "So far, it hasn't helped. I can't be sure I'm hitting the right towns, and you know Jarrod is avoiding the law."
"But we're grateful you're trying," Audra said quickly.
"I'll keep trying," the sheriff said, "and the minute I know anything, I'll let you know."
The women both nodded, and then there was nothing to say. The sheriff took hold of Victoria's hand and squeezed. She nodded her thanks, and the sheriff left.
Audra put an arm around her mother and said, "Mother, why don't you and I go for a ride? We need to keep our wits about us for when they come home, and a good ride will be refreshing."
Victoria nodded again. "You're probably right, dear. Let's go."
XXXXX
Audra was not surprised that the first place her mother wanted to ride was the tiny cemetery in the wood where her father and now her sister-in-law now lay together. Audra had to admit that she was more startled to see the graves than her mother was. She found herself drawn more to her sister-in-law's grave than to her father's.
Elizabeth Randall Barkley
1848-1878
Beloved Wife of Jarrod Thomas Barkley
It was hard to look at, not because Audra felt any grief for the woman, but because she didn't. She had never met her, yet here she lay in an honored place beside Tom Barkley, her stone telling the world that Jarrod had loved her. How could it be that Jarrod had loved her, and Audra had never even met her? How could all of this have happened so fast?
Victoria seemed to be reading her daughter's mind. "She was a lovely young woman," Victoria said. "So much in love with Jarrod it seemed to burst out of her like the sun, and he – " Victoria's voice caught. "He was so much in love with her he couldn't see anyone or anything else in the world."
Audra put her arm around her mother. "What was she like?"
"Oh – a little taller than I am, auburn hair, blue eyes. Very smart, as you can imagine. She was a school teacher. She and Jarrod were just so new to each other. She wanted to learn everything about him, how to cook his favorite foods, whether she should ask to watch him in court – she wanted to know about Cass Hyatt, and I didn't know what to tell her. And then it was too late."
Audra squeezed her mother's shoulders again. "I'm sorry I wasn't here."
"It all happened so fast, you didn't have the time to get here. I think that may be part of the reason Jarrod has – " Victoria stopped, not knowing how to finish the sentence. "All the possibilities before them, all the happiness yet to come – and suddenly, it would never come. I think it all happened so fast that Jarrod spun out of control before anyone could catch him."
Audra raised her face to catch a fresh breeze that was just coasting by. "Almost insulting, isn't it?" Audra said. "How the world keeps on going, the sun keeps shining, the cool air keeps drifting by when it's impossible to understand how it can. How can the world keep being beautiful when things that have happened to us are so dreadful?"
They stayed a little longer, in silence, before they decided to mount up and keep riding.
XXXXX
Audra was right. The ride was refreshing and even cathartic, but Victoria was jolted back to reality when they arrived back at the house. Something inside her had hoped there would be another wire from Nick and Heath waiting, saying they'd found Jarrod and were bringing him home, but there was nothing.
Dinner was in virtual silence, and afterward Audra simply read a book and Victoria tried to. Every little sound outside made them look up, but no one ever came to the door.
The next day was like the day before, quiet time together in the garden until the sheriff came. He said again that he'd gotten a wire from Nick and Heath. They were now south of Merced, still tracking Jarrod. There was no more news than that.
After he left, Victoria decided to polish the silver before lunch. Audra understood and left her alone.