"Oh thank the gods." I hear faint whispers. I realise that Yusei and I are splayed out on the couch, limbs entangled to the point that I'm not sure which set of legs are mine.
"I was worried they'd never start talking again."
"At least they're talking now."
"You're so right, I don't know what we'd do if they didn't-"
"Do you two really have nothing better to talk about?" I hear Yusei say, just a little too close to my ear.
"Shit, they're awake." I hear Crow curse. I swear I hear Aki giggle, and then there's silence. I hear two distinct pairs of footsteps on the stairs. Yusei settles again, pulling me a little closer since there's barely any space between us already.
"I mean, they're not wrong." I mutter into his shoulder.
"I agree with them, but I'm trying to sleep." He responds, smoothing the hair on the top of my head. "The least they could do is have their conversation somewhere where I can't hear them."
"Yeah, I like to sleep." I shift slightly in place so my weight isn't on entirely one shoulder. "Give me sleep, or give me death."
"Go asleep, go on." I feel Yusei adding a bit of force to the pats on my head. My hair catches underneath me, yanking my head back slightly.
"Yeah, nope, that's the end of that." I sit up, dragging Yusei with me.
"Your hair?" He asks, as I massage my scalp.
"Yep, suddenly having long hair kinda sucks." Yusei's hand move into my hair and suddenly he has a lot of it wrapped around his fingers. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"
"I just think you look cute with long hair, that's all." He slowly moves his fingers so that my hair falls down again. "It's different."
I nod, saying nothing. We need to talk about what happened, but I don't think either one of us is going to make a move. It's still awkward between us, but we're acting like it's not. Does he even want to acknowledge it? I know Yusei likes to avoid talking about stuff that makes him emotional, he gets too much into his own head and then he can't bring himself to talk. I don't necessarily want to talk about it, but we need to.
"You want coffee?" Yusei asks, separating his legs from mine. I shiver a little as the cold fills the new space between us.
"Sure." I answer, and he immediately stands up. I follow him up the stairs since I have nothing else to do. Crow and Aki stare at us quietly as we come into the kitchen. I sit on the loveseat beside Aki as Crow silently hands Yusei the kettle.
"Are you gonna do anything with your hair, Yuuka?" Crow asks me, taking a sip from his mug. He takes a look at my face and flinches a little. "I mean, since I can't imagine you like having that length hair, and all."
"I guess." I run my hands through my hair. "I probably should cut it short again." I take my hands out of my hair as Yusei hands me my mug.
"I could cut if you like." Aki's hands cautiously move towards my hair. I nod, and her hands go for the ends of my hair. "It doesn't look like there are layers in it so I could just trim to around where you had it before. What do you think?"
"Yeah, sure." I answer, just going along with it. I'm not entirely sure what to do with my hair. I liked the length it used to be, maybe even shorter would be nice.
"I don't think any hairdressers will be open today, so if you want it done now, I'd have to do it for you." Aki says, getting the tangles out of my hair. She fishes a hairbrush out of the small bag she brought. "Crow, can you get me the scissors out of the drawer please? Thank you." She says, running her hands over the blunt side of the blade. "Here." She says, standing up and patting the back of the chair beside the desk. I set my mug on the ground and slink into the wooden chair. Aki clears her throat, which makes me sit a little straighter. She brushes my hair. My eyes close as I enjoy the sensation. She starts parting my hair. I hear the clunk of the brush on the desk.
That's when I start to panic.
Do I really want to cut my hair? I think to myself.
It's the last thing I have for the other Yuuka. It's a constant reminder of both her and Z-One, of what they did. They sacrificed themselves so that I- we might go on. So that Yusei and I can step forward and change our future for the better, that we could prevent the bad future from happening and death splitting us apart once more. I want that reminder. She gave me warnings of what would happen if I had done nothing. Me becoming a Dark Signer, Yusei dying on the Ark Cradle. Things that almost and did happen. No more. I refuse to stand by and watch life happen around me. I'm going to do it. I'm going to change the future myself, grab the bull by the horns and make something of my life. Until then, I can't let my one reminder slip away.
"No." I stand up, bunching my hair over one shoulder. My fists grabs the ends of it, causing some tension in my scalp. My eyes start burning with tears. "I can't cut my hair. It's all I have left of her. I can't do it." I practically jump as a glass of water falls off the desk, crashing and breaking on the floor. The water starts pooling near my feet.
Everyone is silent as they stare at me, wide eyed. The scissors are open in Aki's hand. She says nothing as she closes them again.
"It's okay, Yuuka." Yusei speaks up. "You don't have to cut your hair if you don't want to." I realise how tense my body is, and I relax my shoulders, letting them slump a little. I slowly let go of my hair, letting my arms fall alongside my body.
"Okay." I answer, my voice barely above a whisper.
The room gets silent as no one knows how to react. No one even moves to clean up the water and the broken glass. I would do it myself, but I'd probably start having a mental breakdown. I excuse myself back into the garage. I hear them muttering upstairs, just quiet enough that I can't understand what they're saying. Then, there's a set of footsteps. I already know that they belong to Yusei before he even appears through the doorway. He sits down beside me on the couch. He weaves his fingers together, fiddling with his thumbs. A small sigh escapes his lips.
"I'm sorry, okay?" I mutter. "Just get the lecture over with."
"I'm not mad at you, why would you think that?" He says, looking a little shocked. "Don't blame yourself for that."
"I don't know." I answer. "You're making that face, y'know the one where you look a little bit disappointed. That normally means you're going to stare at me until I feel guilty or give me a lecture."
"Well, you're wrong." Yusei sighs.
"What's the matter with you then?" Yusei's eyes meet mine. I know what's wrong with him, but I want him to say it. Yusei has always hid his problems, thinking that he's better off not bothering other people with his problems. But he can't do that now. I refuse to let him.
"I don't-"
"Yusei."
My voice is so firm that I feel my powers spike for a split second. I take a deep breath to calm down. Yusei meets my eyes again, and there's a silence.
"I don't know to feel." Yusei responds. "One of my best friends is dead, I'm apparently going to turn into an android with murderous tendencies in the future, and I feel like you're going to leave me forever because I managed to ruin everything in one go. How am I supposed to feel?"
"One thing at a time," I say, laying a hand on his arm. "I'm never going to leave you, let me get that straight."
"And how do I know that? I don't want to come off as an asshole, but you kind of tried to do that last night."
"Well," I sigh, thinking of everything that happened last night. It came close to the line, but I'm still definitely alive and not just a stain on concrete. "I reacted badly to everything that happened. It wasn't my first time as you know, but I'm hoping that it will be my last. I realise now that would have affected more than just me. I can't die now, I'd be leaving too much behind." I look Yusei right in the eye, and I see his face soften. "Don't ever think that I love you any less because of something that you did, or I did, because you're wrong. I love you more than anything in this world, and I want you to know that. I'm only alive right now because of you. I got to that place because I thought I lost you for good, and I only came back because I knew I couldn't leave you behind."
"Yuuka," is all he can say.
"I'm sorry, okay?" I continue. "I know I need help, I know that I'm broken, and I know I did everything wrong. I'm sorry for everything."
"Don't apologise." Yusei says, taking both of my hands in his. "If anything, all of this was my fault. My future self just had to try and murder millions of people-"
"Yusei." My mouth forms a harsh line. Yusei actually flinches the tiniest bit as I interrupt him. "You are not Z-One, I am not the other Yuuka. They are completely different from us, they will never be us and we will never be them."
"How do you know?" Yusei asks, his eyes narrowing slightly.
"Because I have her memories, Yusei." I exhale through my nostrils. There's a pause as Yusei waits for me to continue. "You may have started the same as Z-One, you grew into a different person. You grew up in the Satellite, not in a life of luxury. I know you just like the other Yuuka knew Z-One. You can never become him, you aren't the same person. You've led completely different lives up until this point, you will never be him. Just like I'm not the other Yuuka. You will never make the same choices. We won't end up like them. We've got to create a new future," I reach for his hand, "together."
"Are you sure?" He asks very slowly as if he's trying to keep it together.
"Certain," I reply. "If I can't convince you, the only thing you can do is make sure the future doesn't go down that path. Until you know that we, and the future, are safe, we need to work for that future. One that won't tear us apart. I'm still convincing myself of that. I don't know how to change the future, but I know I have to."
"We're going to do it together." Yusei mutters, squeezing my hands. I return the gesture with a small smile. "Otherwise, you'd yell at me."
"Damn right." I chuckle.
"If you still trust me." My face falls. "I understand if you don't trust me anymore. I broke my promise and that nearly killed both of us. I'm sorry, I hope you can forgive me and maybe even trust me again."
"Yusei, I know where you're coming from. I know why you did what you did. Believe me, I do. I tried to do the same thing. You promised me that you'd come back alive, but you tried to break it. The only reason that either of us are here is because Z-One threw himself into the reactor before we could. You completely destroyed my trust in you. After everything that's happened to me, I thought you'd be the one person who would never do that to me, but I was wrong." My breath catches in my throat and tears burn my eyes, but I keep going. Yusei's eyes are wide as they dart all over my face. I hear a noise from the kitchen, but I pay no mind to it. "If you want my trust, you're going to have to earn it back."
"I'm going to make you a promise, here and now, Yuuka." Yusei pulls my hands up to his mouth, kissing each individual finger. "I'll win your trust back, even if it takes me the rest of my life. You are the most important thing to me. I love you more than anything, I want you to know that."
"I do." A smile returns to my face slowly. I know he's telling the truth, I feel it in his aura. I honestly don't know what he can do right now to regain that trust, but I know he'll come up with something. A tear falls down my face without me realising it. Yusei wipes it away for me. I feel a little relieved, now that we've at least started talking about it. I notice the steady beeping noises, it's at least two things. I ignore it and scoot closer to Yusei, lying my head on his shoulder.
"Yusei!" I hear Crow's voice shouting down from the kitchen. "The power went out again." I look at Yusei as his face falls.
"Again?" I echo.
"Yep." Yusei moves my head before standing up. "The power's been going ever since we've gotten back. I fix it for the time being, then it goes again. I can't figure out what's wrong with it."
"Surely, you'd be able to see what's going on?" I ask, actually knowing nothing about this. Yusei gives me a look which makes me shut up. Then, his eyes widen slightly. He goes over to the box attached to the wall in the corner behind the D-Wheels. "So, that's what that box is for."
"Yes, Yuuka." Yusei sounds pretty amused. I hear the shuffling of tools. "I should teach you about this stuff."
"No thank you."
"You sure?" I can hear the smirk in his voice.
"That would be a disaster, Yusei, and you know it."
There's a beat of silence. "You're right."
"Rude."
"Crow, is that working again?" Yusei projects his voice up to the kitchen, without shouting. The beeping stops.
"Yep, thanks Yusei!"
Yusei sits back down on the couch again and sighs. He leans his head on my shoulder now. I weave my fingers through his hair.
"What's been going on with you?" He mutters, really quietly, fully aware that people are probably listening to our conversation from the kitchen. "I don't really understand."
"With the other Yuuka?" I ask. I feel his head try to nod in response. "It's not actually that complicated. She fused with me after my D-Wheel accident, or maybe after my duel with Raiden, I think, so I could save you in the- the Ark Cradle." I force myself to say its name. "I think that's why I always had such a reaction to seeing the Machine Emperors, it was her emotions inside me. Me learning about Z-One's identity was enough trauma for me that she separated from me. This is why my hair is long." Yusei's fingers reach out and bury themselves in the ends of my hair. I'm glad he likes it at least. "Z-One gifted me his brand of the Crimson Dragon, which I think my back still hurts. So, when they both died, it hit me hard. That's when I suddenly gained all of her memories, had a panic attack and blacked out."
"Sounds rough." His aura trembles slightly. I untangle my fingers from his hair, and pat his head, smoothing it down a little.
"Stop feeling guilty." I sigh. "You're not to blame for this, and neither am I. You're not going to become Z-One, you can't, because you're not the same person."
"Okay," is all he says in response.
"Yusei-"
"Will you tell me about them?" He asks quietly. "You don't have to right now, but eventually, I'd like to know what they were like."
"Of course." I mutter back. I know why he's asking. He wants to know for himself that he's not like Z-One. As far as he knows, he could be exactly like him, that there's a ticking time bomb until he loses me and becomes Z-One again. But he's wrong. I know it's hard for me to separate the other Yuuka from me right now, but I know we're different people deep down. I want to know where she starts and I end. I want to tell Yusei every detail about them and their life, why they ended up like the way they were and not like us. "One day, I will."
"I love you." He says after a pause.
"I love you too."
We fall back into silence. I sit there, just running my hand over his hair. It's a comfortable silence, I realise. We're sitting here, getting used to each other's company again. As short as our falling out was, it felt like months, maybe even years. I missed him. He knows me in ways that very few people do. I need him, I know this for a fact. Things might be rough for us right now, but it will get better.
"My hair is so greasy." I come to the sudden realisation as Yusei keeps playing with my hair.
"That has literally never bothered you before." Yusei responds almost instantly. He's not entirely right. Coming from the Satellite where running water isn't exactly an obtainable standard, you get used to having very greasy hair. So, naturally, coming to the City was a shock to the system. Taking advantage of my new situation, I used to have daily showers because running hot water is a beautiful thing to experience for the first time. Knowing that greasy hair wasn't the natural state of being made me resent it for a while. Now, mainly because of my questionable mental health, I've gotten used to the greasy hair again.
"I don't know, I'm going for a shower."
"Okay," Yusei takes his head off my shoulder and gives me a peck on the lips. I smile, giving him a proper kiss. I practically run through the kitchen, to avoid talking to Crow and Aki. I quickly grab a towel from Yusei's room. Out of habit, I lock the door of the bathroom once I'm in there. I start the shower, so the room fills up with a wet heat. I peel the white t-shirt off my skin, throwing it in the corner.
I look at myself in the mirror. It's the first time that I've looked at myself since the Ark Cradle. My hair has started to lose its curl in the ends from the grease, but it's still the same length, falling down at my waist. My eyes have gained an orange rim around the pupil, surrounded by my normal magenta eye colour. My eyes normally turn orange when I use my powers too much, returning to their usual magenta. Not this time. My eyes drift to my collarbone, and I notice something is missing. The scar from my first duel with Raiden has disappeared. I brush my fingertips over where the scar used to be. It's soft, no trace of the scar ever being there. I glimpse at my ribcage, where the star-shaped scar the other Yuuka gave me rested. Nothing there too. When Z-One gave me his brand of the Crimson Dragon, it accelerated my powers. I think that's why my eyes gained that orange rim. Maybe it accelerated my healing so much that it healed those scars. It sounds plausible. I turn my back to the mirror and twist my neck around. The brand of the Crimson Dragon still rests on my back, though it no longer glows. It's very definitely the Crimson Dragon brand. It's light pink, standing out against my pale skin. I sigh, turning back so I'm standing, looking at the mirror.
Is this the price I pay for keeping Yusei alive? I'll bear it for him, only for him. I sigh, peeling off the rest of my clothes and get in the shower.