Okay, so, this was meant to come out the week after the first one came out, and I even had most of it done within five days, with only about 1K or so left, but- life sucks ass, deal with it.
I also procrastinated a lot because of the stupid acronyms. Spent maybe an entire day trying to come up with words that fit what I had in mind, and there were barely any at all(Because of course I pick the combinations that have next to nothing going for them.)- and even then, I half-assed one of them.
Gotta give credit where it's due- Ozpin is something else to come up with shit for like 10 different teams in only a few hours.
But I digress.
GLORY TO THE SENPAI!
"Urk, stupid body and it's lack of aerodynamics for all things air based…" I held back some bile as I soared through the air among the other dozens of first year students hoping to get a spot at Beacon Academy. "If only I still had the ability to air walk- that would have been really helpful at this point." It really would have, too. But by some unconceived notion, I still couldn't access my damn Reiatsu through my body, let alone outside of it! "Speaking of which, that voice in my head has been rather silent, as well." Usually, that would be a good thing, but for some reason, it just unsettled me. "Maybe this 'Aura' thing is intervening with that and the production of my Reiatsu. Need to look into what that even is once this moronic test is over." Flipping through the air at an escalated place, I tried to find the nearest area I could safely land at, but not finding any to speak of. "Oh, how I am so not wanting to find out if I can survive this landing without ending up as a stain on the ground- kind of wishing I had my sword, now, so I could at least use it to stick into a tree safely and slow my descent to the impending death." Watching as Yang blasted her way through the skies with her gauntlet guns, Ruby swing her way down with her scythe, and Ren slide down a tree with his… Whatever they were, I couldn't help but feel like I got screwed with the short end of the proverbial stick.
"A stick would be preferable even compared to what I have with me now-"
Wait, what did I have on me right now? Digging through the pockets on my jeans, I pulled out some lint, a half eaten chocolate bar, and a… Spool of string. "Who the hell keeps a spool of string in their pocket...?" Not wanting to figure out the implications of those thoughts, I quickly started to do some calculations in my head, and studied the string in my hand. "Hm. This may work." Getting to work before I became nothing more than chow on the floor for whatever beasts crawled through there(I'm not stupid enough to not figure out what would happen to me with a pair of broken legs, or worse. I've seen Frozen- and not the stupid Disney one, either.), I took out the end of the string and tied it around my right hand's middle finger, making sure it was on good enough for what I was about to do, and started to swing the rest of the spool like a cowboy would a rope. "Let's hope this doesn't break like those chains I bought back in '99… God, was that beating bad." Lining up my shot, I threw the spool at the trunk of a rather large tree, getting it to wrap around it and stick there. "Here's to not being a stain on the ground!" Pulling myself in the direction of the tree with the part stuck on my finger, I narrowly missed getting hit with an orangish spear speeding by my previous position. "What the hell-" "SORRY!" Not paying attention anymore to what was going on, I forcefully tackled the tree before I could slow down or stop my inertia, causing me to bear hug the thing, out of breath with a now dislocated shoulder.
"Should have seen this coming."
Slowly, so as to not agitate the shoulder, I made my way to the other side of the tree, then back to my previous position, getting more and more of the string unwrapped from the trunk of the tree so I could climb down. "Bear Grillz, eat your heart out." Getting at a good enough length in the spool, I let go of the tree, and started to freefall to the ground. "Closer, closer, almost- NOW!" Grabbing onto the string still attached to my finger, I pulled on it, abruptly stopping the fall, but also causing a searing pain to shoot through my arm. "Okay, probably should have retied the thing onto the hand on the arm that didn't have a dislocated shoulder." Untying the string from my finger, with a flick of the wrist, the spool end of it came unloose from the tree and fell back into my hand. "Easy part's done, now for the trickier one."
Holding onto my right arm with my left one, I placed the hand on the trunk of the tree, and took a breath. "This is gonna hurt like hell-" Wanting to get it over with as fast as possible, I shoved myself into the tree hard, hoping to fix the shoulder with the force, but failing. "Okay, hurt like hell and it failed. Lovely." Becoming more aggressive with the force, I started punching the tree with the dislocated arm. "Un-break-you-stupid-limb-that-is-useless-as-shit!"
Punching a tree might not be the best way to fix a dislocated shoulder-
"I need something to put more force for pushing my shoulder back into place." Ducking inexplicably, I turned quickly and shoved my fist into something that had been charging straight at me, forcing it back into the immense brush behind me. "Oh yeah! That did it!" Rotating my shoulder again, I found there was still a sting of pain, but it was otherwise back in working order. "But just what did it?" Walking towards the area where I had thrown back whatever tried to maul me, I got near the plants, but had to quickly backflip to avoid a rather large black claw that would have tore apart my throat otherwise. "Ooooh, wrong move, be… ar…..."
Okay, wasn't expecting some Hollow bear, rip off, with a cracked mask where I had hit it earlier, to come out to try and kill me.
I feel like I should press charges for this mockery.
"Well aren't you just cute enough to slaughter-" Running up to the bear like thing that couldn't have been any bigger than me, I dodged a swipe form it's paw with ease and sent a kick to it's underside, lifting it into the air a few feet, before rearing my arm back, and forcefully slamming it into the mask of the creature, breaking it in the process and sending it into a tree, which the birds then took flight out of as it shook and almost toppled from the impact. "Tch. And to think I thought you were a Hollow. Ha!" Watching as the body disintegrated(Also in a Hollow like fashion! Where are my lawyers when I need them-), I sighed. "Man, I really hope those aren't the things I'm going to constantly be having to kill in the future; even if they're pathetic, they still remind me of Hollows." I shivered. "And god knows I don't want to be reminded of that every time I kill one."
Deciding to just find my way to the relics first, and partner second(Who the hell is gonna say no to a guy who already has the thing you need to pass this test?), I walked north(At least I thought it was north- was never too keen on cardinal directions.) hoping to find this 'Temple' thing the Ozpin guy was talking about. "Well, this day started pretty shittily, but at least it can't get any worse- I hate myself for just uttering those words." And as if to torment me, as soon as I did, I walked straight into a clearing, where a black snake and a white one were slumbering, until they looked in my direction at the sound of rustling bushes.
"Yep. Really hate myself."
Not exactly wanting to get turned into snake food at that very moment, I slowly slinked back into the bush I was in, and closed it so the snakes lost sight of me.
…
Well, it worked for about 5 seconds, so I call it a success.
Jumping out of the bush as the white snake lunged into it, I landed in the clearing, and immediately had to grab the maw of the black snake as it tried to swallow me whole. "Ugh- even the breath smells like a Hollows! Not that that's a good thing…" Lifting a leg into the air, I kicked the top part of the snake's mouth, making it reel back at the force, and I took the opportunity given to me by leaping over it's head, right as the white snake came back and tried to eat me in my previous position(Seriously- was I that decadent looking?), and kicked the black one's head right into the white one, causing them both to hiss in pain as they landed on the ground in a heap. "Hoo-yah!" Grabbing the tail of the black one, I grunted as I lifted it entirely into the air, before slamming it back into it's white counterpart, sending up a massive dust cloud in the process. "Is it too optimistic to hope that they are both dead now?" Dodging as the white snake's tail came down on me, I easily got my answer. Punching the snout of the black one as it almost ran into me, I mule kicked it's jaw, sending it's head further into the air. "Die this time!" Leaping onto it's head, I jabbed it in the right eye, causing it to hiss again as the red orb popped, spewing out… what I think was blood(Hard to tell what these things consider blood, or just mucous and pus, gross.). Not being finished, I grabbed onto the mask laying right atop its head, and heaved immensely, managing to dislodge it somewhat, which I used by slowly punching it right where the mask usually hid.
"Hey, this works on Hollows, I'm expecting it to work here too!" Apparently, we have many more similarities than I am willing to admit in common, because after a relatively strong punch to the head, it's remaining eye rolled back into it's skull(I think…) and it landed harshly onto the ground, either out cold or dead. "Woo! Two for Arc, zero for-" I didn't get to finish that sentence as the white whatever they were sneak attacked me, and gripped me in it's mouth, getting ready to swallow me whole. "Oi! Fucker, let go!" Having no other option but to continually punch it's snout in the hopes that it would let go, that's what I did, but it only really pissed it off more. "Okay, I know you're probably angry about your friend over there, but lets face it, he was a dick." That wasn't what it wanted to hear, apparently, because soon after that, it threw my body into the air like some raggedy anne, and went straight at me again, ready to completely swallow me this time. "Not this time, buster brown!" Right as it was about to close its jaws around me entirely, I did the one thing I thought that would help in this situation.
I did the splits and kept the stupid things mouth opened so it couldn't eat me.
"Why didn't I use my hands…?!" I managed to squeal out in pain as my hands went directly for my crotch afterwards. "God dang it, this smarts!" Right as I was about jump out, a long, black tongue(I've seen enough Hentai to know where this was going…) wrapped itself around my torso, preventing me from escaping as it attempted to forcefully shut it's jaws on me. "Why won't you fuck OFF?!" Growling, I gripped the tongue with both hands, and started pulling on it. Eventually, it did something, but I sorely wished it hadn't, as the snake made a choking noise, before it threw its mouth forward, spewing out vomit(And me, subsequently.) as it did so.
"Well, it's a good thing I have about a dozen more of the same outfit back at Beacon, now ain't it?" Getting up from the ugly looking puddle of black(Yeah, wish I could say I didn't know what Hollow vomit looked like… How I so wish.) on the forest floor, I flicked some of the putrid substance off my face, and turned back to the sick looking snake. "You are so dead." Before it could recover from its illness, I ran towards it, wrapping my arms around its torso(Or what I think was its torso-) as I slowly starting lifting it up. "This is for the hoodie!" Finally getting it up off the ground, I threw it away to the front of me, with it going a considerable distance for something that size, and grabbed it's tail as it passed by me on it's way, stopping the snake before it could go further. Not being finished, I quickly used the tail to lift the snake up even further, before sending it back into the ground. Then I proceeded to lift it back up, bringing it to the ground on the other side of me this time, before repeating the process multiple times. "This was a gift from my mother… I think!" Getting a better grip on the tail this time, I started spinning in place, bringing the snake with me, as it seemed to yelp as it's head met the first tree on our ride, breaking whatever the hell made up it's body in the process probably, before it continued smacking into the other trees around us. Though, all good things must reach an end eventually, as the snake's head finally broke one of the tree it was slamming against, causing it to slowly topple over. "Oh look- your ride to hell is here!" Reeling the snake back in with a pull of it's tail, the fucked up looking head made it's way back into my position, where it met a swift punch to the left eye, rupturing it and sending the snake right into the direction of the falling tree.
*SQUELCH*
"Oooh- that's gotta hurt." Wincing at the sound the snake's head made as the tree fell on top of it, I quickly checked back over with the black one, only to see it was still out cold. "Well, better safe than sorry." Moving over to the tree, I removed it from the already disappearing snakes smashed head, and picked it up, before slowly making my way over to the other snake. "Trees- are heavier than I, grrr, remember them being!" Making my way back, I wasted no time in just letting the tree go onto the snake, crushing it's skull much like the other one had. "Well, that was annoying. And now I gotta find a place to clean up!" Tsking at the thought of having to clean up(Especially during a test such as this-), I shook my head. "This sucks. Huh?" Having moved my left arm to my chest to cross it with the other arm, I looked down at the area of my arm that wasn't covered by the sleeves or hoodie. "Blood?" Indeed, as it would appear that one of the snake's fangs had made a gash in my left arm- not big enough to cause alarm(Then again, to me, not even a missing limb caused enough pause to register on the 'Alarm' scale.), but it was still relatively large and bleeding badly, even enough to trail down the orange sleeve of the arm. "And now I have this to deal with. Anything else you wanna throw my way, god, before I move on with my day?"
"Cccccrrra! Cccccccccrrra!"
"I WAS FUCKING JOKING!" Turning around to see what else god had chosen to give me on this fine day, I was met face to face with the orange haired girl from earlier.
"... Hi."
"... So partners now, huh?"
"... Seems that way. Yes."
"... Wanna go find some more shit to kill?"
"That sounds lovely."
"Man, did I need that bath!" Stretching as I got out of the pond that had been nearby(Thank God- no, you know what? God has fucked me over one too many times today for me to thank him!), I walked over to the rock that had housed my clothes so that I could grab them and wash them too, but paused as I reached it. "Nora- where are my clothes?" "Weeeeeeeell-" The cheery girl grinned and rubbed the back of her head as she hung lazily from a branch near the rock. "I saw this cool looking bird flying above us, and I was all like 'Oh my Oum' and just HAAAAAAD to see it closer for myself, so I kind of, sort of, grabbed your shirt, hoodie, and sleeves, and made a rope so I could climb that big tree over there to see it better!" "... And where are they now?" "Ah, the bird kind of also attacked me, and I fended it off with them. So I suspect they are somewhere near Mistral by now! "Of course… Can I at least have my pants off the top of your head, then?" "I don't know- can you?"
Jesus Christ, this school was slowly stripping me of things to wear- at this rate, I was gonna be back on the top of the cliff in the buff.
"Nora, don't make me nude wrestle you for them- wet, nude wrestle you." "Oh fine." She pouted and handed me back my jeans, and I rooted through the pockets and grabbed some gauze(Which I totally didn't steal from the school infirmary- because that would be wrong.) and wrapped it around my cut arm. "There- nice and not bleedy." "You're no fun!" "What?! I am so fun!" "Doubt it." "Doubt it- alright, you little brat! I'll show you fun!" Growling as I put my jeans back on, I reached out and picked the now cheering girl and put her on my shoulders. "You're about to have the most fun you've ever had!" "WOO-HOO!" Traveling about 50 feet in the direction of the clearing again, I found exactly what I was looking for. "You ever ride a bear before?" "Yyyyyyyyyyy- no." "Well, you're about to… along with a few wolf, things, as escorts." "Really?! YEEEEEEAH!"
"Uh, Ren, did you hear that?" "Oh dear lord, Nora is coming."
"KING OF THE CASTLE, BI-ATCHES!" "QUEEN OF THE CASTLE, QUEEN OF THE CASTLE~" I laughed maniacally along with Nora as we both carald about a dozen of the wolf like Hollow's into the upcoming clearing with a whip and chains, along with a ride from one of the bear like Hollows as well to top it all off.
Don't ask how we got the crowns between here and now, either.
"BOW BEFORE ME, PEASANTS- BOW!" Using the whip, I got all the stress ridden wolves to kneel in front of the panting and nearly dead looking bear which we were riding. "That's right, bow. Bow before your rulers!" "Oh my Oum, oh my Oum, oh my Oum- THIS IS SO MUCH FUUUUUUUUN~" "LET IT BE KNOWN, THAT ON THIS DAY, THE OLD KING OF FUN HAS BEEN KILLED- AND UPON HIS DEATH, A NEW RULER HAS BEEN CROWNED; MEEEEEEEEEE!"
"There's two of them; somebody please kill me." "Uh, Ren-" "Pyrrha, for the love of all that is holy, END ME SO I CAN AWAKEN FROM THIS NIGHTMARE!" "Huh? Oh, hey Renny! Look at what I found- a partner! But not just any partner, but the KING OF FUN at that! Isn't that just GREAT?!" "It's-" The pink eyed boy sighed and slouched. "It's great, Nora." "I know, right?! OOOOH, what's that?" Switching her attention from her friend to the 'Relics' behind them(I don't think chess pieces count as 'Relics', but whatever.), she moved past the duo in front of the temple and stood in front of one of the pillars. "Jaune, Jaune! Looky!" "Hang on, I'm comin'." Getting off the now dead bear, I made my way towards where my partner was now standing, but not without giving all the wolves the stink eye before I did. "Run from here, and live- live until I find you again. Because until I do, you will continue living; living until you have my permission to die."
Okay, I'll admit, that this little adventure and watching all the beasts scramble frantically to get as far away from me as hoomahnly possible(Or as whatever the hell they are as possible- I don't discriminate.), even as they were tied together in chains like prisoners, made this crap day a lot better.
"Okay, what I lookin' at?" I asked curiously as I walked to stand next to the jittery girl. "Lookit, lookit!" "I'm lookiting." Staring down at her, I found that she held the Rook piece in her hand. "... King of the Castle?" "QUEEN OF THE, CASTLLLLLLLLE!"
"Ren, what piece did we grab?" "The Knight?" "Oh thank Oum…"
"INCOMIIIIIIIIIIIIING!" "Hm?" We all looked up to the sky from where the voice had originated, only to see a blur of red before I caught the object in my arm. "Ruby?" "Huh? Oh, hey Jaune! Thanks for catching me, too!" It was only then that she looked down at my torso and saw my shirtless chest. "... Jaune." She blushed. "Where is your shirt?" "Yeah, funny story that-" "Um, I don't think we have time for stories right now." Everyone turned to the direction that Pyrrha had just pointed to, and were not disappointed as Yang and the crazy cat lady from last night ran through the trees, with a giant-
"Is that a scorpion?" "Deathstalker, actually." "Right. Anyone else want to point out something totally whimsical in nature that shouldn't be happening at all?" "Weeeeeell, my partner is still kind of in the air- oh wait, not anymore she's not." "Not anymore-" Not even getting the chance to look up, my other arm soon had another occupant on it. "The hell-" "WEISS! You're alive!" "No thanks to you! Why did you leave me up there?!" "I did kind of say jump…" "Yeah, that's all well and good, and I'm happy to see you two just getting along peachy-keen like, but we kind of have a problem here." And just as I said that, the busty blonde and the ravenous cat decided this would be a good time to be thrown into me, sending me on my back as the four girls sat on top of me.
"Well, if it isn't our hero!" "My everything…" "Ah, cheer up, buddy! You just need a Jaunety attitude about all this!" "My everything and my brain…" "Well, it looks like we're all here now!" The girls got off me and dusted their clothes off, but soon found themselves face to claws with the 'Deathstalker'(Sounds like a bad super villain name if you ask me…) and a pissed off looking prehistoric bird above them. "Yep- and now we can all die together!" "Not if I can help it…! HYYYYYA!" "Damn it Ruby, you can't help it!" Cursing about stupid brats in my head(What? I don't show you all my thoughts; your computers wouldn't be able to handle all the viruses if I did.), I followed the idiot as she charged at the scorpion like Hollow being.
"Oomph!" And then promptly caught her as the things smacked her away. "You know, you might be speedy, but you probably hit like a kitten." Hearing a not so pleasant sound behind me, I jumped with the girl in my arms, narrowly avoiding decapitation as the creature snipped it's claws where my head should have been. "Not your finest moment, there, Rube's!" "Ya think?!" Sighing, I made my way back to the temple, but had to stop as the bird shot razor sharp feathers the size of me at us, and had to take preventive measures. "I could really use some scotch and soda right- GUH!" I didn't get to finish, as Ruby's cloak tail got stuck to the ground by a feather, sticking us in a precarious situation. "RUBY!" Yeah, no, I'm fine too…
Bitches…
"Well, this sucks." Not wanting to really be this close to either of the two behemoths behind us, I hurriedly made my way to the feather sticking her cloak down, and started pulling it out of the ground. "Jaune, just leave me! It's my cloak that's stuck, not yours!" "Okay, first off- Nnngh, don't tell me what to do, second, grrrrrrah! I don't leave behind people to die, especially cute girls like you, and third, tch, CATCH!" Finally getting the cloak out of the enormous feather's quill, I picked the girl up by the collar of her cloak, and threw her at her sister who had been running to our position. "JAUNE!" "This is gonna suck-" Quickly turning back to face the stupid scorpion, I had just enough time to catch the tail before it could skewer me, but the resulting force and impact made me fall to my knees as the ground cracked beneath me. "This-is-so-much-heavier-than-a-FEATHER!" I gritted out as I slowly pushed up on the tail, forcing it back enough so that I could regain my foot-hold and stand back up. "HA! That's what I think of your-" Claw coming at my waist! "CLAW!" "Stay away from my partner!" But just before it could reach me, Nora came to the rescue and shoved it back with her hammer, and for good measure, slammed it into it's head as well, causing it to stumble back and groan.
"RUN!" "No need to tell me twice-" Both me and Nora swerved through the feathers on the ground, and then full on sprinted towards where the others were at. "That, is going to leave my arms sore in the morning… And just about everywhere else, too-" "YOU IDIOT!" Before I could get a word in edgewise, a pissed off, tiny teenage girl came barreling at me, and decked me in the stomach.
Hits like a kitten my ass- she hits like a fucking truck on the freeway!
"My spleen!" "Don't ever do that again, got it?!" To avoid another hit like that? Sure! "Okay, don't mean to be the bearer of bad news and all, but that Nevermore is circling back at us!" Guessing that's the bird thing- "Alright, look. There is no use in dilly-dallying. Our objective is right in front of us; all we need to do is get it, and head back to the cliffs so we pass our initiations, right?" "Right you are, ice queen. So we just need to get our stuff, and outrun these assholes back to the cliff, where we will then pass, and the teachers will have deal with this horse shit for us- sounds like a plan I can get behind!" Because I am all for having other people do my work for me. "My name is- oh forget it. Just grab the relics and run!" Waiting for those who hadn't gotten their relics yet to get them, as soon as they did, we made a run for it in the opposite direction of the scorpion thing.
But not without a parting gift, though…
"HAHA! Take THAT, ya son of a bitch! How you like these birdies for a change, huh, huh?!"
Let it be said; I was a child at heart- a man child, but a child nonetheless.
"Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap!" "Yang, shut up!" I yelled at the girl as we charged through further into the ruins, hiding behind some pillars as we watched the 'Nevermore'(These things are named like some 16 year old emo teen wrote them!) perch itself onto the broken ruins of a rather large tower up ahead of us. "They can't do shit to us anyway, because the bird is all the way over there, and the scorpion-"
"IS RIGHT BEHIND US!"
Need to stop tempting fate so much- I might live longer.
"God fucking damn it!" "Nora, distract it!" "Gotcha, Renny!" As we all ran away from the scorpion, the bird found our location, and started shooting its feathers at us again, which Nora bobbed and weaved around, before transforming her hammer into a- "Is that a grenade launcher?" The projectile shot from it and into the screeching birds face was a resounding yes to my question. "I swear, that is a girl after my own heart." Watching as the bird flew away to stop getting bombarded, I saw the scorpion creep up behind her. "Gonna be repaying her sooner than I thought I would!" Quickly getting behind her, I took hold of both the claws as they were about to snip her to pieces, causing me to be forced back from the strength behind that alone. "Okay- that sword I kind of used to have would have been great here!" The scorpion didn't like what I was doing(Apparently-), and decided to just off me once and for all with it's tail, but a black ribbon like object caught my waist, and pulled me back before it could. "Phew- thought I was gonna be made into a kebab there for a second. Thanks." "Less talky more walky." "Don't you mean-" "I know what I mean." As me and the cat lady started running towards everyone else, Weiss appeared and grabbed my teammate, before using some kind of symbol to get the hell out of there fast. "I should learn how these people do these things-"
"DUCK!" Just as soon as I heard that, I grabbed Blake and threw her into the air, and made to hit the ground, right as a spear that looked eerily similar to the one that almost ran me through earlier today came spiraling at one of the scorpion's eyes, but it very luckily had it's hand placed conveniently near its eye sockets, so the claw took the attack instead. "Damn it!" I heard Pyrrha curse and looked behind me to see the spear sticking straight out of the unarmored part of the creature's claw. "Let me help out a bit, here-" Moving in, I grabbed the spear from the things claw, blocked the other claw with the weapon as it came down on me, and jumped back near the others. "Here's to hoping playing track and field on the Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games paid off!" Taking aim with the stick, I stuck out my tongue and threw it, which made it spiral and jam right into the highest eye on it's left side, getting stuck in as the thing wailed in pain. "Wow! Nice shot!" "I play a lot of video games." After dashing in and retrieving Pyrrha's weapon from the things eye, we both made a run for it after, along with everyone else as the screeching scorpion made to follow us on the already unsafe looking bridge. "INCOMING!" We all looked to the left as the Nevermore came barreling into the bridge, knocking a lot of it apart, and sending everyone but me and Blake to the furthermost part of the bridge.
"Well, this sucks- I feel like I've been saying that a lot lately." Charging at the beast as it swung its claw, I was able to stop it from destroying even more of the bridge, but it pushed me precariously close to the edge of the broken bridge. "Fuck!" "Hang on!" Blake attempted to move in and help, but her weapon just wasn't made to fight something like this, and so she was easily thrown back with the creatures other claw. "Really wishing for a weapon right now!" "One weapon, coming up!" Looking back, I saw Nora quickly making her way to this side of the bridge, along with Ruby and a rather reluctant Weiss as Ren, Pyrrha, and Yang went to get higher ground to fight the bird. "WEAPON TIME!" Nora came flying in, smashing her hammer against the creature's head, causing it to get disorientated once more, but it also made it swing it's claw as a blunt object, almost hitting Nora, who used her grenade launcher to quickly move away, but also ended up knocking Blake off the bridge and into the abyss below.
"SORRY!"
Hope that wouldn't end up killing the kid- aw well, cats had nine lives, so it stands to reason cat ladies have extra ones too, right?
I'll just keep telling myself that…
"Nora, Jack-hammer!" "Roger, Jauney!" Sprinting at the scorpion, I spun and kicked it's face in with my foot, making it grunt, before flipping into the air before it could reach me after, which was followed directly by Nora coming up and slamming it with her hammer, switching to the grenade launcher and launching herself into the sky with a shot. As we met each other in the air, we entwined our legs together, forming a hoomahn hammer, with me as the handle and Nora as the head. "Get ready for it!" Gripping her legs hard with my own, I started rotating her around, slowly picking up momentum with the spin until we were both just orange, yellow, pink, and black blurs in the sky, heading towards the ground and the Deathstalker at an alarming pace. "Jack off, Jack on!" With a flourish, I pushed Nora directly on top of the Deathstalkers head, her hammer striking home with deadly efficiency, as the hammer hit right in the middle of it's mask, creating a loud boom from the impact, and it even managed to put a crack in the mask from the sheer force of the hit. "But the hammer doesn't stop at one!" Flipping our positions, I took a hold of the bottom of the creatures mask in it's dazed state, and used my legs to slam Nora repeatedly down on top of the spot we had just hit, hoping to break the hammer with the repeated hits in it's already weakened armor. "Is-it-dead-yet?!" "NOT YET!" Nora yelled back as she slammed back on the same position for about the tenth time. "Jaune!" Looking up from my hand stand where I was holding the mask, I saw the creature was finally with it's wits again, and it was pissed as it sent its tail right where Nora was coming back up from another of her attacks.
Quickly deciding it was in both our best interests not to get hit by that thing, I once again flipped our positions, and grabbed hold of the tail as I let Nora fall to the ground. "This is gonna be fun." Gripping on hard with my arms as the Deathstalker started swinging it's limb around wildly, I had to stomach even more of my vomit before it could escape from my esophagus into my mouth. "Nora, a little help here!" Not giving her the chance to try, the creature slammed its tail into the bridge, and me along with it. "Did anybody get the Pokedex number of the Pokemon that rammed me…?" With my disorientation, the scorpion took advantage of my slackened grip, and flung the tail high into the sky, sending me flying off it as I yelled. Though I didn't stay airborne for long, as after reaching about eye level with the cliff across the bridge, I started descending again, right on path with the same tail that had sent me flying in the first place. "Meep." And the creature decided to play ping pong with my body, as I was soon slammed into the ground by a smack from said scorpion's tail, which caused me to hit the ground so hard, I skipped back up from the impact-
-And right into the abyss.
"Just my day." With my body already sore from the impact with the ground, I couldn't grab onto anything to stay on the bridge before I fell far enough where nothing could be grabbed to save me from a death fall. "Somehow, I don't think a spool of string is gonna help me in this situation-" "Incompetent fool!" My descent to death was abruptly stopped as a glowing white sigal appeared beneath me as I was falling and caused me to pause on it. "The- am I already dead? That was quick." "JAUNE! GET BACK UP HERE AND HELP US ALREADY!" Looking for the voice, my eyes landed back on the bridge above my current position, with Nora, and now Ruby and her partner trying(And very horribly failing-) to finish off the Deathstalker wreaking havoc on them. "Tell people not to tell me what to do, and they never listen." Shaking my head at not getting any respect, I made my way to the furthest edge of the glyph to the bridge, and sprinted until I was at the other end, and jumped, managing to jump just high enough to get a grip of the broken mass that was the bridges end. "AH!" But before I could get back into the battle, a red projectile came rushing past the end of the bridge, which I had to reach out and grab, lest they fall into the abyss like I had. "Hey Ruby." "Hi, Jaune. So, any ideas about what we should do about scorp-zilla up there?" "I was just gonna go with 'Smash, smash, and smash some more' until it was a smear on the ground, truth be told." "Yes. Because that has been going so well up until now." "You really shouldn't sass off to the guy keeping you from falling to your death at the bottom of a chasm." "Sorry!" "But you did just give me an idea on how to deal with this thing, though. Weiss is the one that made that thing that caught me, right?" "Yeeeeeah?" "Good, then follow my lead."
Throwing the girl over the bridge first, I pulled myself up next, and looked over at Weiss creating ice walls to hold the beast off(Which wasn't working nearly as well as she probably hoped it would-) while Nora provided covering fire by shooting grenades that it just completely shrugged off as it made it's way closer and closer to the edge of the bridge. "Everyone, gather around! I have a plan!" "I am kind of busy right now!" "Ditto!" "Ugh." Shaking my head, I made my way over to their position. "Ice queen-" "Not my name!" "-Your whatever-you-call-them; they are a solid surface, right?" "I used them to save your idiotic butt, what do YOU think?!" "Okay, rude. Anyway, if you're able to make those things solid, is it possible for you to make one that can, say, redirect the force of inertia an object had when striking it and then send it back twice as hard, or even harder than that?" "Y-Yeah! Why-" "No questions, just do it; how long will it take?" "Long enough for that thing to get to us and cut us to ribbons!" "Don't worry about that, just make one at the end of the bridge, facing towards the monster at a 53 degree angle." "5-53?" "NO QUESTIONS GOD DAMN IT, RESPECT MAH AUTHORITAH! Nora, Ruby, you're with me!"
Running at the beast with the aforementioned two in tow, I jumped high, allowing Nora to slam her hammer into the scorpion's mask, jarring it slightly as Ruby slashed at the mask as well, but all it did was create sparks as the creature swung its claw at both of them, with both of them managing to avoid it by firing their weapons and escaping with the shots. "You forgot about me, Jabroni!" Roaring as I came down upon the thing, I slammed a haymaker down on the spot that had been weakened from the attacks on it earlier, causing it to groan and lose its footing and fall completely to the ground. "Ruby, the eyes!" "On it!" While the tiny reaper aimed and shot at the remaining eyes the Deathstalker had, I got to work on cracking it's skull open. "This-will-teach-you-to-not-be-someone's-breakfast!" Hammering my fists repeatedly on the cracked spot, I was irritated to find that just my brute strength wasn't enough to crack it open any further. "Jaune-Jaune!" Glancing up briefly to see what Nora had called for, I yelped and hastily fell off of the beasts head, narrowly avoiding becoming of 'Jaune-Kabob' in the process as the tail tried to puncture me like it was my acupuncturist. "Okay, really starting to get pissed off by this tail."
And the fact that I couldn't do anything about it, as I had no weapon to take it out with, pissed me off MORE.
But luckily, I knew someone that did.
"Ruby, come here! Nora, provide covering fire!" Doing as they were told, Nora started blasting the creature with large amounts of pink mist grenades, while Ruby rushed to my position near the front of the beast. "Yes?" "Remember that thing I did with Nora a few minutes ago?" "That epic looking combo move? How could I FORGET?!" "Well, how would you like one of those?" The girl gasped and looked like Christmas had come early. "No-way." "Oh, yes way. Now hold still-" Lifting the yelping girl onto my shoulder, I deftly grabbed her left leg and tied the string from earlier around her shin, making sure it was taut and not going anywhere I didn't want it to anytime soon while I gripped the spool attached to it in my left hand. "You're not prone to motion sickness or high-speed induced vomiting, are you?" "Uh, not that I know of. What are you-" "Good. Just be sure to hold out that scythe and keep hold of it real good, okay?" Not listening to whatever comment she had after that, I took her by both of her ankles, holding on tightly, and started spinning around as quickly and as hard as I could. "WHAT THE HECK?!" "Don't blink, kid, otherwise you might miss it!" Slowly picking up momentum, we both soon turned into nothing but a mass of red, black, and white.
"Um, while I don't really want to get in the middle of your pretty looking color show, guys, I'm kind of out of AMMO!" "It's a good thing we're ready, then!" "SPEAK FOR YOURSELF- URK, I'M GONNA BE SICK!" "Not over my croc skin leather boots, you ain't!" "FOR THE LOVE OF OUM, JUST DO WHATEVER IT IS YOU'RE GOING TO DO ALREADY!" "You got it, ice queen!" "MY NAME IS-" "Don't care! Cause it's time for the 'SAW AND AWE'!" "OUM DANG IT, JAUNE! NAME IT SOMETHING ELSE-" "Nope, too late, it's already stuck." Blurring forward to meet the monster once more, instead of stopping the momentum we had accumulated from spinning non-stop, I picked it up further and met the claw of the beast. "YAH!" Right as the claw snapped at us, Ruby's weapon struck it and left a slight gash in its supposed impenetrable armor, followed by even more as each time the blade came by from the spin, it hacked and slashed at the creatures protections, leaving it hissing and writhing as the gashed dug deeper and deeper into it's armored claw until finally, the top half of the left claw just simply fell off, cut from the monster by our attack. "I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID BEFORE- THIS IS AWESOME!" "Damn right it is!" Continuing the attack, we pushed forward as the scorpion had to move back, lest more of its limbs get destroyed like its other one. But it was rather pointless, as we were much faster going forward than it was backwards(And probably forwards, too- we might be moving just a touch too fast for what we were doing.), and eventually, we made it to the mask of the beast and started chipping away at that too.
Though it wasn't long before the thing became even MORE pissed(Not sure if that was even possible at this point, though, so it might just be constipated for all I know.) and decided to use its extra limb on its behind to try and stab us through and make Ruby and Jaune shish kabobs again, so I had to move out of the way as the tail came down on our previous spot and struck the ground hard enough to completely break that portion of the bridge and continue down through the new hole in it. Sadly, though, in the process of moving, our coordination fell down the toilet, and we slowed down significantly as Ruby retreated in on herself with her weapon clutched to her chest as the near death encounter scared her shitless. "Damn! Alright Ruby, we need to get rid of that tail once and for all for what I have in mind!" "And what- actually get skewered or snipped this time?! I don't think so!" "Relax, bucko, we won't be doing that to get rid of the tail." "Oh thank god-" "Nah, this time, we're gonna play a game of 'Walk the Ruby'!" "Walk the what?" Gripping her legs again, I spun around a few more times to pick up momentum again as the Death Stalker got its tail free from the bridge in time to watch me throw Ruby at it. "WHAT THE F-" "GET YOUR SCYTHE READY, RUBY! SLICE THE TAIL OFF!" Screaming as the she flew across the air, she stumbled to bring her scythe out in time to catch the tail. But as she came barreling towards it, it was ready for her and attempted to stab her with the tip of its tail, to which I had to pull the string attached to her leg to swerve her out of the way before she got killed, but in doing so, made her miss her shot at the tail by mere inches.
But like on any walk, there's always the return walk home.
"JAUNE, I MI- UGH!" Pulling the string back, I yanked Ruby back towards me, giving her another chance at completing our mission, as she barely readied her weapon again for the second swipe, which luckily connected near the base of the tail, causing the rest of the tail to fall and impale its owner in the back, with it making hisses and clicks angrily in pain. "Okay, we got rid of the tail, now what?" Ruby asked as I caught her when she returned to our side of the battleground and removed the string from her leg. "Now, is the time for that glyph I asked Weiss to make- IS IT READY YET?!" "I'm standing right here, you don't have to scream!" The ice princess scolded as she crossed her arms and nodded towards the end of the bridge. "It's over there- why did you want that, anyway?" "You'll see. Now, while I am going towards it, I want you to make three extra glyphs beneath me when I tell you to." "Beneath-" "Okay, I'm off, wish me luck, bye!" Backing up a bit, I made a sprint towards the glyph as soon as I could. Looking back, I could see the monster once again made it's way towards the girls, pinching with its one good claw and waving around the ther like a blunt object, trying to smash them into the ground. "Well, here goes nothing- or everything, I'm not sure in this case." Quickly leaping up as I reached the end of the bridge, I shoved my feet onto the glowing white glyph, and not a second later, I felt a massive push back from the reversed inertia(I really like this word, don't I?) of my run and jump. Going with it, I shot off the mystical arcane art and shot across the bridge in under a second.
"Shit, shit, SHIT! MOVE!" Yelling out a warning to the three people on the bridge, they didn't have any time to react before I basically bowled them over on my way towards the monster. "Okay, lets hope this works." Nearing the creature, I was too fast for it to snip me in half, so it went to smash me with the claw instead, but I quickly went into a slide as I passed under the claw, and even the body itself. Right as I reached the center under the massive beast, I stamped my foot onto the bridge, cratering where my foot had landed, and then pushed off the floor and shot out my knee, and hit it harder than anything I have probably hit anything before(In this world, at least.).
That appeared to do the trick, as the thing roared as it went soaring into the air from my hit.
"Ho-" "Ly-" "Cow." The remaining members of our ragtag group that stuck with me all dropped their jaws as they witnessed me kick up a grim that weighed tons as easy as if it were a soccer ball.
"If you thought that was good, just wait until you see the rest of it." Pausing, I added to that statement. "That being said, you might want to wait on the ground that isn't slowly crumbling around you." Prepping for another jump as the others made their way towards the beginning of the ruins again, I finally pushed off the ground and soon met with the giant bug that was sprawling through the sky. "Yo, what's shakin', big, ugly, and moronic?" Flipping in the air, I planted my feet on the underside of the Death Stalker again, and pushed it further in the air as I was sent sailing to the ground again. "Ice queen, now!" "Someday, brute. Someday I will end you." Doing as I wished, she created a glyph underneath me before I could reach the ground, and I quickly jumped off of it to reach the monster again. "Alright, large, dumb, and just overall unpleasant- time for you to get all washed up! And whaddya know? It's on the washing cycle, too."
Grinning, I took out the blue dust crystals I… Borrowed- yeeeeeeeah, borrowed- from Weiss when I bumped into her, and I quickly shot them off into the sky above the monster and took out Crescent Rose that I… Okay, so I did steal this one.
Sue me!
Have lawyers up the wazoo anyhow… Albeit, dead ones, but still-
Jews are Jews.
Aiming down the sight, I stuck my tongue out and fired off several bullets that hit and broke open the dust, letting loose a torrent of water that cascaded down onto the still airborne creature, and after it was fully soaked, I took out another dust crystal, but this one was yellow in color. "Oh, would you look at that, the washing machine is malfunctioning! All the clothes just keep getting electrocuted once they're wet!" Jumping off another platform as I set the scythe on my lower back, I was raised high into the air above the scorpion this time, and I positioned myself to dive onto the beast's back, while also smashing the crystal onto it as well, with lightning jumping out of the broken artifact not long after it broke. And thanks to the water conducting it, the lightning quickly spread across the body of the thing and started frying it.
Too bad I didn't exactly think straight, and got electrocuted along with it.
"I've heard of the elllllllllectric boogaloo before, but this is ridiiiiiiiiiiculous!" I sputtered as the shock reached me and my hair frayed onto its end, giving me an afro not unlike a certain samurai… Hollow… Thing, that I once knew. Shaking my head, I ignored the electric shock. "Alright, ugly. I fixed the machine, and now it's time for the spin cycle!" Tilting my body back, I slowly fell from the top of the body into a free fall. But before I could go far, I latched onto one of the spindly legs the thing had attached to it. Grunting into our descent, I meticulously lifted the entire creature above my head, and slowly let it fall below me again, and repeated this process until we were steadily rotating like a wheel through the air. "Well, you seem to be fine now, Mr. Asscorpion, so I think you are finally-" Seeing the bridge right below us now, I spun the Deathstalker one more time until it's large mass collided with already damaged bridge, finally breaking it and sending it's hissing form falling into the misty depths as I gave myself a boost by kicking off it and landing on a small portion of the bridge that still remained.
"All washed up."
"HOLY CRUD, THAT WAS AWESOME!" "GO JAUNE-JAUNE!" "... Meh." "Yes, yes, I know; I kick all the ass." Holding my head high, I puffed out my chest. "But that's to be expected by someone of my skill level- don't try that at home, kiddies." "Uh, who are you-" "No one. Oh yeah- here's your scythe back, Ruby." "My wha- YOU TOOK MY BABY?!" Shrugging, I tossed the collapsed form over to her, and sighed as she caught and cradled it like a mother would her own child.
Dramatic, much(Or hypocritical…)?
"Okay, I'm gonna jump over, now! So I suggest you give me room to land… A LOT of room." Doing as I said, they deftly moved away from the edge of the bridge as I took a step back, and launched forward to jump over the gap in the bridge. "Man, this day turned out a hell of a lot better than I had a originally thought it would-" I was cut off from tempting fate as the giant prehistoric bird took another round the block and scooped me up as I was mid-jump.
"... I don't know who I hate more, at this point- the bird, myself, or the deity looking down on me right now."
I feel like the deity is grinning and laughing up a shit storm currently, so I'll go for him.
Looking around, stuck in the bird's talons, I saw the other four members of our Breakfast Club(Or our Yang, as the blonde would call it.) rapidly firing off guns to try and knock the bird down(Spoiler: It wasn't working.). "I thought you guys had this thing?!" "We thought we did, but it won't stay still long enough for us to catch it, and our bullets aren't really doing a Yang up job at the moment!"
Remind me to add 'Puns' to the list of things to exclude in the next chapter of this thing, will ya?
"Oh for the love of- you guys suck!" Pulling a fist back, I let it loose and struck the Aerodactyl reject straight in the upper part of its leg, making it screech and release the cargo it was carrying(I.E., ME!). "Hm. Didn't really think this one through all the way…" Luckily I didn't need to, because in the middle of the free fall, a glowing white glyph saved my ass again. "Thanks, doll face! I'll be sure to give you an extra special 'Thank you' later!" And of course as soon as that left my mouth, I was falling to my doom again.
Typical women.
"Okay, fine, I won't do that then!" Your loss. "Now that this issue is settled-" I wobbly stood on a smaller than usual platform(The witch- okay, I have got to stop it with the puns already.) as the asshole dinosaur ancestor squawked and flew away and turned again for another sweep. "-I need one of you people to hand me your weapon."
"NO! Not Crescent Rose again!" "I, uh, don't think my weapon is very, um, suitable for this task..." "Yeah, no- not that I wouldn't give you them, I just don't trust your catching skills." "Mine is attached to the bow on my head, so-" "You are not touching Myrtenaster again!" "I have abandonment issues."
"Oh for the love of- you guys are pussies!"
"Oooh, oooooh! Pick me, PICK MEEEEEE!" "Ahem, yes Nora?" That's all I got to say before I found a hammer slamming into the side of my head. "TAKE GOOD CARE OF MAGNHILD FOR ME!" "Sure, no problem, leprechaun man!" Shaking off the dizziness from the impact, I became alert as the crow more annoying than Poe's reared its ugly head. "Huh. I wonder how my shot is now that I'm in a new body?" Taking a stance, I gripped the hammer hard as the bird came within striking distance. "FOUR!" And then took my shot at it's beady little head as it passed, causing it to do a literal comical 360 in the air and slam right into the cliff beside me, causing the ground to shake from the impact. "Hole in one- a new personal record!"
Holy hell, and I've never gotten anything below a 30 shot swing- oh, is that bad? I'm sorry, it's just that they don't teach you how to golf in a massive sand trap filled with other traps(Literally-) and massive monsters that want to eat your tainted soul!
Jack asses..
"Jaune! Finish it off before it gets back up!" "Finish wha- OH, right!" Flinging the hammer at the beast with precision you couldn't find anywhere but at Thor's fraternity house, it struck the already semi-dazed bird in the head, sending the appendage flying back into the wall, stunning it further. "FOR HUFFLEPUUUUUUUFF!" With that war-cry said, I leapt from the platform once more, and landed directly on the back of the stupid animal reject. Not staying in that spot for long, I made my way up top and to its head, poking the left eye as I passed just for shits and giggles-
What, I need to get my entertainment somewhere.
As I reached the climax of the climb, I grabbed onto the beak of the dumb ass black chicken(It's like a regular chicken, but with dark meat and it lives in bad neighborhoods.), and shoved the massive funnel into the rocks in front of it, grunting as I did so. Unfortunately for me, the poke and the whole 'Beak shoved into cliff' thing awoke it from its previous state, and it started furiously shaking, trying to get me off. But also luckily for me, it had no such luck as I moved to behind it's head, and right at the neck, and pushed it further into the cliff, ensuring it wouldn't be escaping any time soon.
"And now, for the fun part." Dropping down, I made a show of picking back up the discarded hammer, and made my way back to the top of it's head. "You know, before I was a Hunter-in-Training, I was actually a construction worker." Lifting up the mighty weapon, I swiftly lowered it again- right onto the top of the bird's head, causing a loud 'CRACK' to fill the air as everybody but me winced. "I'll skip straight to the punchline and say the obvious 'I worked the jackhammer'." Not letting up there, I lifted the hammer back up and slammed it straight back down, causing the creature to roar(Or hum, in this case-) in agony. "Hm. Haven't hit skull yet, apparently- oh well. Third time's the charm, and all that!" Lifting it up one more time, I brought it back down, harder than ever, and finally cracked the things skull as ruptured skull pieces flew out in a shower of white and black, leaving a decent sized hole in the top of its head. "Ooooh, I think I see brain!"
*SQUELCH*
"Or at least brain matter!" "Uh, Jaune- I think it's dead." "Dead? Already? Nah-" "Jaune, you've been hitting it non-stop for 5 minutes- there is no recognizable head anymore." Looking away from Ruby and back at my work, it would appear I got a little carried away. "So it would seem. But oh well, that's just how I work." Taking out a pair of aviators, I put them on and posed smugly.
"Because here at Papa Jaunes, we only use the freshest ingredients to kick some ass."
Oh dear lord, I think I have come down with Punitus!
"Anyway, here's your hammer back, Nora." "My Precious!" "... Right. Well, I think it's time we headed back to that BILF and her special needs butler now." "Brute, that 'butler' is the Headmaster."
"...Seriously?"
"... With Cardin Winchester as team leader. Congratulations."
Everyone applauded(Except me of course- I couldn't be bothered.) as the team arrogantly flexed and posed on stage for everyone to laugh- I mean gaze- at freely. "And then we have Pyrrha Nikos, Yang Xiao Long, Blake Belladonna, and Ren Lie forming PYBR, Team Phiber, with Pyrrha Nikos as team leader!" Phiber?
Seriously?
"I swear, the names keep getting dumber and dumber as we move along." "Hush! He's announcing our team, now!" "Wait, he is?" Looking around, it seems we were next to go as we were standing on the stage now. "Huh." "Next we have Jaune Arc, Weiss Schnee, Ruby Rose, and Nora Valkyrie forming JWRN, Team Journey, led by Jaune Arc!" "WHAT?!" "Okay, Phiber, and now Journey? Your acronym game be shit, homes." "Yes, I do believe it is. But, in my defense, I was sort of banking on Team RWBY and JNPR for TEAM's Ruby and Juniper." "Oh, were you now? Because I was sort of banking on not getting flung into a forest filled with near copyrighted material and rejected animals all while dislocating my shoulder by going full George of the Jungle on that shit. But while I may have only encountered one giant bird in that forest, I got two especially for you."
With that said, I gave him those birds, and presented them proudly.
"Enjoy all the bird watching you'll be doing in my four years here, Mr. Wizz."