NEW LAPTOP! MORE UPDATES! I PEED A LITTLE! GRAAAAAAAAAAH!
Anyway, more updates for my various stories should be coming out soon(Maybe even this week if I can get my lazy ass into gear... Don't count on it.), and the next that should be updated is my Yu-Gi-Oh crossover, so look forward to that(You know, if you actually read it, at least- for all I know, you could be a fanfiction swinger, swinging from one fanfiction to the next and just completely skipping over my other stories... You damn ungrateful bastards.) and then the next should be either the main story or Naruto, have yet to decide, but look forward to it(Yeah, running out of shit to say so I am repeating crap now. Deal with it.).
Praise your Senpai, Love your Senpai, Feed your Senpai.
Preferably oatmeal raisin cookies, if you would.
"And I am telling you, that hell is much worse than getting your asses kicked by me." I told Yang as she and I walked into Goodwitches class about a week after their torture(I would say training, but I don't like to lie to my adoring public… Unless I feel like it, anyway.) had began. "Like for instance, in hell, flying monkeys throw flaming piles of their own feces at you. I for one, do not throw piles of shit at you!" She gave me a withering glare as she near passed out by the rest of our teams sitting together(And they all looked just about as bad as she did, too.) and groaned. "No, but with half the shit you do throw at us, flaming poo sounds rather nice right about now…" "Well, I mean, if you really want me to, I guess I could-"
"NO!" The assembled teams shouted out as one.
I pouted and crossed my arms. They just always had to ruin my fun.
"Ahem!" Turning around, I saw the rest of the students were looking at us funny as Goodwitch silently tapped her foot on the ground. "If you are done with the interruptions in MY classroom?" I grinned. "Ah, but of course, Glynda! By all means, carry on with what you were doing." She grew a tick mark on her head, but expertly hid it.
But not too expertly, as I was still able to notice it(Then again, I am an eon old monster that eats his own race for sustenance, so I guess she could get a tiny bit of leeway- but only a bit.).
"That is Miss Goodwitch-" "I know. That's why I called you Glynda." I grinned saucily and wiggled my eyebrows, but she ignored that and continued on, making me sulk. "And you must be the auspicious and allusive Mr. Arc that has been avoiding my class like the plague for the past week or so." "Ah, yes, that. I have a very good reason for that, Professor." I nodded my head and everyone leaned in to hear what it was
…
…
...
Goodwitch sighed. "And can you please indulge us as to what that reason is?" "Oh, you wanted to know? Crap, I didn't think that far ahead-" The students except JWRN and PYBR(They were too tired to do much more than look even more exhausted at my wacky antics.)face planted as Goodwitch-
Well, Goodwitch didn't look amused, let's leave it at that.
"CRDL, front and center." Eh? "What are you calling Cunt, Ragdoll, Douche, and Ladyboy up here for?" Said Cunt, Ragdoll, Douche, and Ladyboy didn't look amused(Though, the L of CRDL looked a little flustered for some rea- you know what, no, I don't want to know.) as they made their way towards the changing rooms. "Well, seeing as how you saw it fit to ditch on my class for the past week or so, I saw it fit to give you a match for when you finally decided to show up, and Team CRDL were all too happy to volunteer to teach you a lesson- I mean give you a good fight." She coughed slightly into her hand. "Yes, a good fight is what I meant to say."
Subtlety was not her strong suite.
That amazing rack and the pair of globes to go with said rack really were, though.
"Alright, so, my team versus theirs? Seems legit." "Oh, did I say this was going to be a team fight?" She smiled a little too innocently. "My mistake, then." I grumbled at that and made my way to the changing rooms as the class shook their heads at the soon to be slaughter.
Of course it was going to be a one-sided slaughter fest, but best to leave exactly who was going to the slaughter out of the conversation. That being said, I should pull Yang aside and have her start a gambling pool…
"Alright, Now that Mr. Arc has finally arrived-" Not by choice, mind you, but when an irritated Goodwitch comes breaking down the door and finds you just playing 'Hunter League' on your scroll on top of a bench for the past twenty or so minutes you were supposed to be in the classroom fighting for your life, you tend to get your ass in gear. "-We can begin. Though, I would have prefered it had he actually changed his outfit." She eyed my form critically, not apparently liking I was still wearing the school uniform much. "Oi! I did TOO change up my apparel!" I adjusted my extremely dark tinted sunglasses on my face. "I am wearing sunglasses, now." The students down in their seats sweatdropped. "Yes, you did- and in dressing so frivolously, you seemed to have forgotten any sort of protective equipment-" "Ah, but I DO have protective equipment." I nodded sharply. "I am wearing these sunglasses so that I don't blind myself with my own brand of outright shining awesomeness in the fight."
"I feel as if you would have been better off wearing a dunce hat, just so people would know it at first glance instead of figuring it out the hard way…"
"Harsh."
"And on top of that, you didn't even bring your weapon." She tried to scold me, but I just shot her a look with a wily grin. "Maybe, but who said I needed a weapon to kick their collective asses, anyway?" Cunt growled. "Are you really insane enough to think you can beat all of us without a weapon?!" "Yes, yes he is." "Hurtful, Weiss." "Still true." Couldn't fault her on that one. "You wouldn't stand a chance even if you HAD one!" "Right." I scoffed. "Like I need something like a sword to beat Crude, Rude, and Lewd." "Hey, you forgot about me!" I stared at the fourth member quizzically. "Who are you?" "Dove!" "Right, I will just call you dumb because you seem to like answering rhetorical questions so much." He, along with the rest of the motley crew, growled as they took a step towards me. "Ah, struck a nerve, did I?" I grinned and stuck the final nail in the coffin. "It's to be expected from the offspring of the sluts I banged last night though, I suppose. Oh well, can't help genetics I guess."
At that, the entire team turned red in rage and charged forward, ignoring Goodwitches calls that she hadn't started the match properly yet- not that either me or they cared much for that at the moment. "Now we are talking!" Taking a leap towards them, I appeared right before a shocked mohawk punk, and gave him just enough time to prepare a block for a kick that never came, as I raised it up high enough for me to step on his back and kick off, soaring through the air as… What's his face came in for a slash, but ended up overextending when his target disappeared, and accidentally slashed an unprepared teammate in the face with his sword. "Gah! Watch what you're doing, dude! That was my face!" Mohawk guy started throwing out curses as he held his nose. "S-Sorry! I overextended a lot more than I thought I would!" I stopped paying attention to the other two as Cunt came jumping at me, preparing to slam his mace into my extremely handsome face, but I rolled out of the way, making him slam the floor, and throwing him off balance for a second. I didn't get to pounce on that advantage, however, as the offspring of what could only be the protagonist from Dragon Age: Origins with hair like that came up and tried to behead me, but I ducked and weaved around him as he then lost his balance, and went stumbling forward, coincidentally smashing Cardin in the face with the flat of the blade in the process. "GRAH! What the hell are you doing, Sky?!" "I-I don't know! I didn't think I would lose my balance THAT much!"
"Man, aren't you sorry sacks of shits something to look at- you've yet to hit me, and I've yet to hit you, but you're still more damaged than I am, somehow!" I laughed as the entire group shouted a war cry and charged forward as one. I was about to dodge out of the way when they were all forced to a stop by a strange glow around them. "That. Is. Enough." Ooooooooh, boy. Goodwitch didn't look too happy(Though whether or not it was because they had all attacked without her approval or because I was, in essence, trouncing them had yet to be seen.) as she strutted onto the stage, that kinky-as-fuck whip held in her hands. "Attacking without warning I can tolerate when you were goaded by an opponent, and especially when it is against Mr. Arc." "Um, okay, ouch." "But I can and will not tolerate ignorance of this level!" I narrowed my eyes. There was no way she could have- "If you will so kindly look at the aura monitor." Of course she didn't care if she asked kindly or just kind of, forced your head in that direction herself(Which, of course, she did.), as the members of CRDL had their heads forcibly turned to the board by the teachers Semblance. "W-What the-" Apparently, everyone else hadn't looked over as well, too engrossed with the fight to notice that, steadily, even before the start of the match, the teams Aura gauges had been steadily depleting, to the point that they probably only had, at most, ten percent of their entire Auras left(Except for, of course, the idiots that got pot-shotted by their own teammates, as they had both lost their entire Aura at that point.), while mine hadn't dropped a cent.
Then again, hacking my school provided scroll to link to another person's scroll, who actually had Aura, and project their Aura levels instead of my non-existent ones would do that for you.
"Oh wow, I guess they were sabotaged, or something." I grinned cheekily as Goodwitch settled her glare on me now. "Yes. I wonder who could have possibly did it." "I do too- you know what, I bet it was Ozpin. Didn't settle right with me, that guy." "You think the headmaster tampered with their Aura's?" I shrugged. "I wouldn't put it past him to do something like that for cheap thrills." And neither could she if the look of dated resignation on her face was anything to go by. "Be that as it may, I sincerely doubt the headmaster is to blame for this. But instead the boy-" "Oi, I am as manly as they come! Just count my chest hairs, I already have FIVE!" "-Who deliberately waited in the changing rooms for twenty minutes to come to his match." The students started mumbling to each other as my trainees actually livened up a little to listen and watch the outcome of this properly. "What, you think I did something to them from an entire room over that caused them to lose most of their Auras without causing a commotion? Don't be absurd, we didn't even go into the locker rooms at the same times!" "No, you didn't and I doubt you could cause this yourself, given your flamboyant nature." She fixed her glasses on her face and gave me a cold glare. "But a weapon, on the other hand, could EASILY do this."
Hm. So she did notice it. Oh well, no use crying over spilt milk.
"Well, well, well. I must give you credit for that, Professor. I didn't expect you to notice, nor for me to have to reveal this NEARLY as early as you forced me to." I chuckled. "I underestimated you. I should really stop doing that to people that I really wanna bang." I muttered that last part to myself and quickly snapped my right hand to the side, allowing a set of nigh invisible strings to hit the light just right that they could become barely visible.
And they were all tied around the limbs of Team CRDL and their weapons.
"What the-" The ginger of the group struggled in his magical, kinky binds as he saw that I had him literally wrapped around my finger. "Heh heh, dance wonder boy, DANCE!" I grinned as my ring finger twitched and the idiot then punched himself in the face with his free hand, despite still being caught in Goodwitches spell(She really IS a witch!), then another pinky twitch had his left leg reach backward and smack him in the ass, causing him to yelp. "This isn't even dancing!" "Still enjoyable to watch." "I think that is quite enough demonstration, Mr. Arc." "Wait, wait, I have one more thing." Moving my hand, the boy was forcibly made to reach into his pocket, then suddenly pulled out what appeared to be a small carrying purse.
"Is that… A make-up kit?" Weiss facepalmed. "Where did you even get that from?"
"Is this dark blue mascara? Ugh, this doesn't go with her outfit at ALL! Then you just have the boring ass clear nail polish with no sense of flare anywhere, and you have a kit full of random things you can just find lying around the house… You'd think being rich would prevent that, but she also apparently hired people to do this kind of shit for her. Meh. Wait, and is this- oh my god, she has 'Mystral Champion: Pyrrha Scarlet' lip gloss! You know what, I am totally doing her a favor by stealing this crap."
My eyes wandered a bit.
"The internet."
Quickly avoiding an actual answer, I had him drop the mace(Causing it to 'Coincidentally' fall on top of the no-name-guys foot that I totally no part in placing. Nnnnnnope.), and root around inside the kit, until he finally pulled out the lip gloss.
Which was then applied directly to the forehead, to cure the illness of not having 'Dunce' written on it.
Such a good friend I was, helping out my buddy with his illnesses!
"If you will release them, Mr. Arc, we can carry on with our day properly." Goodwitches sardonic voice cut me off from my thoughts(The bird of choice for my breakfast plates annoying growls weren't helping either, though.) as she tapped her foot impatiently. "Alright, al- wait, so if I don't remove them, we can just all stand here and do nothing for the rest of the class?"
Score!
"Mr. Arc! If you will not remove them yourself, then I most certainly will!" "Yeah, yeah." I rolled my eyes as I clenched my fists, then casually relaxing them, untying the threads and sending them spinning back to my fingers.
The thought that anyone in this world could break my wires was laughable, at best.
I didn't fucking spend all week browsing through 'Mont & Om'(This world's shittier version of E'bay-) and roaming the surrounding forests and towns looking for the correct materials to make a make shift micro-filament wire type weapon for nothing. That thing wasn't snapping even if Hulk's magical, acidic jizz landed on it, let alone a Goodwitches wrath.
Was the prototype enough to last a Professors anger and undivided force?
Was the Hulks jizz magical, and/or had acidic properties?
Did the Hulk have a penis with which to jizz with?
Questions for later.
… Well, the the professor one, anyway-
"And before you ask, yes, I had set them up before they even left for the locker rooms, yes, I am that proficient enough with this stuff to constrict a person's body to the point they don't notice but still subtly feel the effects, and lose Aura for it, and yes, I do have a wicked BDSM foreplay act." I turned to the audience and saucily winked. "Ladies."
All of them looked either disgusted, angered, awkward, or plain creeped out, except for Blake- who blushed slightly and looked somewhat intrigued.
Meh. One out of everyone isn't too terrible(I didn't even get a beating this time, either!).
"I didn't need to know that last part." Goodwitch sighed tiredly and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I think you did; how else are we going to get to know each other enough to start a relationship if you don't know the simple things like that? Come on, get with it girl!" Before she could even retort, the bell decided to ring, and the students(Being the great mood readers they were.) left as quickly as humanly possible so I could finally sweep the glorious blonde off her feet! "You know what? I don't have enough energy to deal with this at the moment. Detention, Saturday, so I can show you the error of your ways." She made her way to her desk and slid into the chair, laying her head down. "Or something, I don't know anymore." I hastily gave her a two fingered salute, complete with my tongue sticking out(Not that she could see it… Or want to see it, I suppose.) and made to leave. "Aye aye, future female I will be sure to fertilize!"
The last bang of a head hitting a desk as I closed the door was music to my ears.
"Wooooooooah! That was so COOL! I didn't even know you could do those kinds of things with a wire!" I smirked at Ruby as Yang looked affronted as we all made our way to our next class. "But of course, Ruby. Maybe I will show you a personal demonstration one of these days." "Over my dead body!" My smirk widened. "I can make that happen." "Yes, yes, innuendos aside-" "Is that a type of cookie?" "-When did you even get a weapon, anyway? Or better yet, how? You haven't a had a weapon in all the time we've been training with you, and we would have seen anything you tried to do because you spend all your time in the dorm room when not training us or yourself." "Come now, Weiss, I have to keep some secrets to my name, otherwise, what will keep the ladies coming back for more?" Everyone gave me a deadpan stare. "Maybe the fact that they live with and across from you?"
I lifted my finger to give a cheeky rebuttal, before slowly lowering it.
"I wanted to say something against that, but I just realized there was nothing for it."
"Yeah, yeah, enough about that boring talk-" Oh poor Ruby, too young to know the greatness of the poon!... I guess it also had to do with her being a girl, too, but mostly the first part. "-I want to know where you got that thing! And what it's made of! And how you were able to do those cool 'Stop hitting yourself' moments! And-" This girl takes weapon fetishist to a new level. "Easy there, Red." I cut her off of her rant as I patted her head, making her glare(Read: Pout.) up at me. "I can tell you all later, but for now, all you really need to know is that I was putting it together while you were all at class-" "So that's where you were! I just thought you were playing a game of never ending Hide-And-Seek in our dorm room while classes were going on!" "You were cutting classes to make a piece of rope?!" "You made this YOURSELF! KYAAAAAA!"
Guess who asked what.
Guess.
"In order: I was playing with the teachers, it is not a piece of rope- more like a piece of string… An indestructible piece of string capable of cutting through diamond, but a piece of string none the less, and yes, I spent all week looking for the right materials to craft this thing, and it is finally done, and I now have an actual weapon to use in fights now."
None of the kids before me except Ruby looked too keen to be on the receiving end of said weapon during training.
"It can cut through diamond?! OH MY GAWD, OH MY GAWD, OH MY GAWD! What's it called?" Called? "What's what called?" "Your weapon, what's its name?! I bet it has to be so kick-butt for something so cooling sounding-" "It doesn't have a name." "... Eh?" Everyone turned to stare at me. "You mean you didn't name it?" I shrugged. "Why?" I looked at them like they were talking about rocket science(And as if I wouldn't understand said talk.). "Why would I? Like a said, it's just a piece of string. Not like it's my child or anything." And even then, I don't ever name them- wow, I am a massive dick as I've just realized. "Not your- YOU BLASPHEMER!" Hey, wait, that's my line! "You created that wonderful thing! You gave it LIFE!" "It's not alive, Ruby." She, of course, ignored me. "For all intents and purposes, you are that weapons FATHER! And it, your SON- or daughter, I don't discriminate." I think we all sweatdropped at that. "So you obviously have to name it! So-" She grabbed me by my hoodie and leaned me down to eye level(Well, eye to sunglass level, at least.). "GIVE IT A NAME!" That was when she started throttling me, and I found a reason to fear another person on my team.
Nora because she was too much like me for her own good, Weiss because she had no figure at all and I didn't know whether or not to approach her as a lady or a guy, and Ruby because she would get off on any other weapons I make in the future and make me, shudder, name them.
When you live with a part of your own(Fractured-) soul for eons and centuries that came in the form of a weapon with a release name, you would be hesitant to name another weapon ever again too.
"Alright, alright, I'll name it, damn it, just leave my money maker out of this!" I yelled as soon as it looked like Ruby's wrath was about to reach my perfectly chiselled face. "You better." She let me go and I speedily jumped back, dusting my clothes off and also discreetly adjusting my pants. Wouldn't do to show Ruby that weapon either.
Yet.
"I will, just stay the hell away from me, she-demon!" I knelt behind my partner at that and whimpered. "I'm scared, Nora." "It's okay, Jaune-Jaune. You are our fearless leader, therefore, you can't FEEL fear." "Huh, oh yeah. Forgot about that." I stood back up and loosened up my collar a bit as everyone else wanted to point out the many fallacies in that statement, but decided against it at the last second. "I'll think of a few names tonight and give my verdict tomorrow. Now, onto class, and then, training." Their looks of apprehension made my day, it truly did. "I hate you." "I love you too, Yang." Man, I was grinning a lot today, wasn't I? It was then I felt a tug on my sleeve. Looking over, I saw it was Ruby again. "Um, Jaune?" "Yeah, Red?" "Earlier, you said how sharp your weapon was-" "Well, how sharp the final product will be, at least. The one I have on me is the prototype, nowhere near the word sharp, and will be used for spars and training so I don't accidentally kill someone." Not that it would happen with my skills, anyway, but it gave the poor ladies(And lady boy, Ren- Or was it boy lady Rend? Hm.) a bit of peace knowing they weren't going to end up on a seafood platter any time soon. "Uh, yeah. I had a question about that, actually." "Well, alright then, shoot." "What on Remnant is a diamond?" I oh so wanted to facepalm.
Son of a cock-sucking, mother-fucking, shit-chucking, bitch-cucking, other rhyming words, whore.
This was gonna be a long day.
"Hm. Alright, the shop said it would have the polymorph mechanism I needed for this new set of designs, as well as where I could find the neat core to power the transformation." I scratched my head as I looked at my map in confusion while walking around Vale on the next Saturday after my oldest weapons reveal. As it stood, I had wanted to get some more work done on my actual weapon for the String(The most original name I gave to my wiry weapon- Ruby was not pleased.), and not go out looking for parts to make new weapons, buuuuuuuut, Goodwitch just didn't get enough of me in class, so she decided she just HAD to see me during the weekend, and came running to my dorm to probably confess her love, but I, being the oh so eligible bachelor I was, could not profess to her back, and to avoid breaking her heart at the confession, I then ran away to Vale to avoid having to hurt her so.
Some would say I am a hero, some would say that I was the kindest of souls that have ever existed.
The rest say I was a dumbass for running away screaming like a girl when I heard a peeved Goodwitch was coming for my ass because I was skipping detention.
Semantics.
"Where the hell is this place damn it?!" I ruffled my hair in irritation as I started to lose it. I had been going around for almost an hour now in this dumb city(Because the tiny bit of knowledge that the actual Jaune Arc had with him when we apparently merged wasn't a detailed fucking map of the place known as Vale.), and I STILL hadn't a clue where the area the store was located in was at(Because the stupid site didn't dish out the damn location of the place and the person I had called and talked to was just as much an idiot as the site was.). Just about completely having it with this moronic quest, I moved towards a nearby bench to regroup(With myself.), restrategize(With myself.), and relieve some stress(With a lady frie- oh who am I kidding, it was going to be with myself.). "Well, might as well drown my sorrows by glaring at birds and hoping they die from just my stare." Not looking where I was going, what with my head down and all, I didn't notice as I bumped into something hard, metallic, and otherwise unpleasant for my head.
"God damn, son of a Mystralian lady of the night, that smarts! What the hell kind of pole did I walk into?!" I fell back onto my ass unscrupulously as I held my aching head, pondering what train I had gotten myself hit by this time. "Saaaaaaaaaalutations~" Looking up from trying to soothe my abused head, I saw a small teenage girl sitting on the bench I was making my way to, and was also apparently the train I had bumped into making my way here. "Heard of hard headed, but this is ridiculous." Seeing as how muttering to myself wasn't helping any, I quickly jumped to my feet and cleared my throat. "Yes, yes, salutations, young lady, and I hope you have been finding the day most plea-" My words died in my throat as I finally noticed her appearance. She wore a whitish-gray old-fashioned blouse with short gray feminine overalls, as well as a black and green collar with a matching pair of stockings, but what caught my attention the most, was the stunning green, emerald eyes she claimed as her own, as well as the perky orange hair done up in curls, and the pink bow on top was just, just, something else!
But what truly grabbed me and forever took it's hold in my mind, was none of those things, but at the same time, was the most captivating feature about her. It was, it was, it was-
Freckles.
She had freckles.
She.
Was.
Kawaii.
Taking a minute to boot my mind back up, after about a two minute staring contest(Which she was strangely seeming to win at-), I said the first thing that popped into my mind. "Marry me." She finally blinked at me. "Okay." HOLY SHIT, IT ACTUALLY WORKED! I hastily turned away from her and hid my eyes with the sleeve of my hoodie, trying, but failing, to stop the flow of manly tears(Because I don't shed water from my eyes unless they were SOLELY manly!) that trailed down face. "I did it, pa! You can finally rest in peace now, cause your boy is finally a MAN!" A MANLY MAN! "So, what do you wish to do now, future-fiance prospect?" Looking back over to the overly-cheery girl, I made another cursory review. Her personality was strange, but then again, so was mine(And just about everyone I have ever known…), but her speech pattern and naivety was a bit too odd. Then you have her almost completely stiff motions she made for when she got up off the bench, and tried to help me to my feet- that wasn't normal for an organic organism. Was she injured in the past and was forced to move like that to compensate?
And then there was the fact that I didn't notice her.
I am Mu Setsumei Uxukie Jaune Arc, mother fucker! I eat people's sandwiches without them noticing when they are directly in front of them(Also sadly giving me the petty title 'Sandwich Destroyer' back home in Hueco Mundo, but that is a story for another day.), for someone to escape my notice was unheard of, even in this pale sack of flesh that I was forced into like I was a night shift guy getting stuffed into a mechanical suit by a group of robot pizzeria mascot animals(Five Nights at Fuckboys or some shit like that, I think.)! I didn't hear any subtle shifting of clothing, nor the rustle of wind from fidgeting of a person like I would normally hear from her, almost like she was just sitting there completely still for who knows how long, and while my eyes didn't notify me of anything out of the ordinary, my nose couldn't smell anything either.
My nose always smells something.
Hoomahns were disgusting, stinky wastes of spaces like that.
Having to radiate a smell like they were fucking rabbits going at each other in heat constantly. Makes me shudder.
But from her, I smelled nothing. No hygiene products, no excess products to improve her smell, no weird odor that usually comes off a hoomahn when their skin rubs against their clothing too much, not even a natural scent that is SUPPOSED to come off of a member of her species as a part of survival(Or mating, either or, I forget with these primitive meat bags.), I couldn't get a good whiff of her.
… God, that came out wrong.
"Um, future-fiance prospect?" The nice girls nice voice broke me from my thoughts in time for me to notice she had taken to stand on her toes to get closer to my face and was nearly face to face with me at the moment. Not nonplussed at the intrusion of space, I answered back. "Yes?" "Are you alright? You looked faint for a while there, and you are also rather pale looking and malnourished, and your eyes under your glasses are bloodshot and surrounded with bags. Do you require medical treatment?" I didn't react to that other than a slight twitching of my left eye.
She perceived all that?
Observant, this one…
"No, no. I am perfectly fine." I laughed away her concerns, doing nothing to stop her worries. "I just need to get something in me, is all. How about I take you out, wifey?" I grinned and she finally relented at that, probably thinking it was for the best. "Well, if you need to put something inside you, then I will do my best to help shove it into you and make you feel better!" My grin only widened.
I already liked this kid.
"So, an Atlesian girl, eh?" I scratched at my chin as me and the still cheery girl walked through an alleyway as the sun was starting to set. "I know one of your types." "Oh? What type is it?" I actually thought about it. "Ice type, most certainly." I chuckled at my own joke as the girl beside me tilted her head. "What does an Ice type do?" "It becomes a nuisance."
Fucking Lapras's cheating my Dragonite out of it's well deserved wins…
"Huh." She seemed to actually wilt for the first time that day. "Then, I am a nuisance, or will become one in the future?" Man, now I feel like I kicked this girl's puppy… Or her self-esteem, either or, really, same response. "But not you, Penny! You're like a, a…" I struggled to fit a type to her name. "... A Normal type!" Bingo. "N-Normal type?" She looked absolutely stunned and even stopped walking at that. "B-But I'm not Normal- uh, not a Normal type!""Oh?" I raised a brow in interest. "Why not? Normal types, in my opinion, are the most reliable of all the types, because you know what to expect out of them, and because you know that, you can set them up in situations that are a boon to yourself, plus they are rather powerful with vast amounts of skills, something I am sure you can attest to, and-" I smirked and pinched her cheek a little. "-They are my favorite type, so you have to be one. Get it?" She looked positively speechless, and looked like she wanted to argue against it, but in the end, she just lowered her head, before lifting it back up in the most radiant smile that I think has ever been directed my way, so full of raw emotion that it was enough to make me feel a little nervous, even, and avoid her gaze a little. "Thank you, Future-Fiance prospect! No! Husband-Jaune! You have passed the point of prospect and have proven yourself worthy of being my soon-to-be husband!"
"Uh, thanks." I couldn't help sweat dropping at that. She did know I was just kidding with that little 'Marry me' thing earlier, right?
… Right?
"Well, well." Ah, so the poorly hidden figures finally decided to come out and play, eh? "Look what we have here, Gred!" "A happy couple, apparently, Feorge." The voices chuckled at that. "A happy couple of idiots!" The chuckles then dissolved into twisted laughter. "Man, what a duo they are." The voices quieted down at that. "A duo of morons, that is." The growling told me they didn't appreciate their jokes being spit back at them. "What's that, you little shit?!" "You deaf now too, ya dumb ass? Keep up here" "You keep up, you punk!" "Wow, real original. You realize if I wanted my comeback I would have wiped it off your mums chin." "Don't talk about mum like that, you sleaze!" I couldn't help but feel the irony of them attempting to rob me and yet I was the one getting called a sleaze.
I mean, I couldn't argue against it, but still.
"Husband-Jaune." I felt Penny tugging at my sleeve, so I turned to her. "Please get behind me so that I may protect you." Protect, me? Ha! "Penny, please. Don't insult me like that, I think I can handle two thugs myself." "Yes, but you are not well-" It annoyed me how both she thought I couldn't handle myself and the fact that she was knew about that. "It's fine, I won't even have to use my weapon!" "You should listen to your little girlfriend and let yourself die quickly!" Seeing Penny gasp, I turned back to the opponent's direction, and finally saw one right in front of me, a rugged ginger(I seem to seeing a lot of these lately-) with an equally scraggly beard to match clothed in dull and tattered grey sweats and hoodie, trying to shank me with a small dagger, which I slapped away by palming his wrist, making his arm miss me and swing wide, while my other hand punched him in the chest, causing him to yelp and slam into a wall, winded, but far from out. Still…
A few weeks ago, that punch would have made him a smear on the wall, Aura or not.
"Gred!" Shaken out of my revery by the other one shouting, I briskly ducked under a swing from a rusty old western looking double edged sword, the wielder strangely the exact same person as the last- wait, no, most likely a twin- and made to punch this one into the wall along with his comrade too, but as I set into motion, my vision rapidly left me as I could only see black and felt disorientated as hell. What the- Though my sight just as rapidly came back to me, just in time for me to curse and dodge out of the way as the other one came in fast from the side, dagger darting every which way to try and cut me into pieces.
What was that just now? I couldn't see anything and my movements were as sloppy as a Joe! Did one of them have some kind of Semblance that could do that?
No…
Gritting my teeth as the cold hard truth actually formed in my mind, I kicked the dagger wielding ones feet out from under him, just about losing my balance as well when a wave of nausea hit me too, and tried to follow it up with a heel stomp, but a sword nearly taking my head off stopped me before I could. "Damn it, just stay down you little shit!" "Not what-" A grunt as a dagger actually managed to slice into my side rather deeply, but I swiftly knocked it out of his hand and smashed a fist into his face, causing him to scream and hold his nose, but also leaving me open to a slash at my back before I growled myself and spun around, tackling the surprised man as I started pummeling at his chest and face. "Your mom said last night!" "Stop insulting our mum!" I flipped off the sword twin to avoid a dagger to the throat and failed to land on my feet behind them, only managing to catch myself on my knees to avoid landing on my ass as more nausea kicked in and my vision swam. "Husband-Jaune!" Blinking, I slowly made my way to my feet. "It's fine! I'm fine! Stay fine!" Okay, starting to feel a little loopie, now.
"Slash to the face!" Widening my eyes, I staggered backwards as a sword zoomed past my face. "Who the fuck calls out the name of their atta-" I was thoroughly silenced in my ironic, sardonic, rhetoric question as a knife slid it's way through my back, and nearly punctured a kidney in the process. "Stab to the back!" I didn't like the smug tone of the twin behind me, so I stepped forward a bit before viciously slamming an elbow into his face, causing him to let the knife go and go on a rant while holding his nose about how 'It was always the nose!'. Though, in my daze(Blood loss was probably stacking onto it, too-) and my blurred vision, I failed to notice the pommel of a sword being thrust into my face, sending me rolling across the ground as the knife in my back was torn none too gently in my venture, and smack dab into a wall where I then proceeded to start coughing up a lung(And a pint or two of blood.). "Heh, heh. Not so tough now, are ya, tough guy?" Blearily, I looked up, but it did no good as I couldn't see more than three feet in front of me, and the sides of my line of sight were already spots of black, so I couldn't see anything that was happening anymore. "If I… Wasn't a tough guy… Why Call me one anyway… You… Dick." That last word was followed by more coughing as one of the assholes suddenly appeared in a blurry spot and kicked me in the stomach. "Shut up! Now hand over whatever you have on you, and maybe, maybe, we'll kill you swiftly!" "So… Original… Must have been… Nominated for… Best Villainous Request…" "Don't even try to reason with him, Feorge. Just finish him and take whatever he has on him forcefully." Gred(Or whatever his name was, I was bleeding out, here, names weren't top priority at the moment.) clicked his tongue in disappointment before reluctantly agreeing. "Well, sorry about this, buddy- oh, wait, I'm not!" He laughed a bit before I saw his blurry form lift an arm and send it down in what could only be my-
A blur(Joy, more of them- seriously, I was gonna throw up if this kept up… Scratch that, already did.) jumped in front of me right as the knife was only a foot away from making contact with… Something on me(Again, can't see here.), the arm being held by the newcomers own hand. "P-Penny…?" "Oi, pretty lady, let go of me hand!" "Okay." I bet I would have had a hard time seeing what just happened in front of me, even if I had all my vision and wasn't on death's doorstep(Er, again.), but all I knew now was that apparently she had thrown him away and stood up in front of me.
"My name is Penny Polendina!" After that, she left my range of vision and I started hearing shouts and metal against metal, before I slowly drifted out of consciousness.
"And I am combat ready!"
".. Up… Wa… Wak… Up…"
"Please wake up, Husband-Jaune!" Following the wish with a gasp, I started coughing again, letting my life's essence leave my body in a cloud of red as I continued to either cough or gasp for breath for the next fifteen or so seconds.
Cause, you know, kind of hard to tell time when you're dying.
"Oh shit… Feel like I just got shanked... In the back because someone wanted my cream corn…" I shook my head. "But they can't have any, damn it! It's my cream corn and I am gonna eat the hell out of-" Oh joy, MORE coughing fits! "Husband-Jaune, you are secreting a lot of your body's fluids- rapidly!" "Yeah, that will happen when you are dying, Penny…" "Dying?! But you aren't dying, Husband-Jaune! You are fine! You said so yourself earlier!" My sight was failing me at the moment, so I was not able to see if the hiccup she let out was from her crying over my mangled corpse or from the nervousness of knowing she was right next to a mangled corpse, but I did know the hiccup itself was just as cute as she was. "Don't lie to yourself… Penny… I was careless, and paid for it…" "No! Please do not go, Husband-Jaune! You still not have shown me what this 'French-Kiss' is that you wanted to do with me!"
Okay, I was a perv, big deal, I was dying anyway.
"And I'm afraid I never will be able to, Penny… Just know, that I was glad I had you at least by me when I passed on…" It was always nice having a cute girl next to you when you were dying- settled the nerves a wee bit.
Not that I would know, what with being murdered by a bunch of ugly mugs the first time it happened to me, of course, but… Still- oh shit, it happened the second time… Too…
…
"Husband-Jaune…?"
I wonder what the life after this would be…? Eternal damnation like I always thought it would be? Would I finally be sent into the reincarnations of souls? Or would I just be inside a blanket of nothingness because of my soul merge with someone from another universe? Ah, the one answer I was never able to actually answer would finally be in my-
"Husband-Jaune!"
-Grasp?
I wasn't entirely sure exactly what happened after that, as everything was just a massive sea of green and shouting of my name(Plus title.), but soon afterwards, I was gasping for air once more as I greedily sucked in the component to make my organs(Which now somehow worked, even after I was supposed to have DIED.) get back in proper order, and slowly looked around at my surroundings. Wait- I could see again, too? Looking every which way, I soon found two unconscious figures(The twins, probably.) sprawled out near the entrance of the alley and a shocked looking Penny who was looking down at me. "You know, I always thought when they say 'Too stubborn to die' about a protagonist that it was just a neat way of saying they were idiots- OOMPH!" Seeing that I was alive and(Relatively.) well was enough for Penny to jump down and smother me in a massive hug. "HUSBAND-JAUNE!" "PENNY!" "HUSBAND-JAUNE!" "PENNY!" "WHY ARE WE YELLING?!" "I HURT, EVERYWHERE!"
One could not say we weren't full of energy.
"Oh, so sorry!" Finally she released me and I groaned as my back popped with a sickening 'CRACK'. "Okay, ow. Still sore as shit from before, it seems." "You are still injured?" She looked positively adorable when she looked worried- wait, the fuck was that running across her hands? "Uh, Penny, what is that green stuff surrounding your hands?" "Green stuff- oh! That would be my Aura." Well it's a good thing she wasn't concerned about it, but I sure as hell was WHEN IT WAS STARTING TO CRAWL ACROSS MY SKIN THROUGH HER LIMBS! "Gah! Call it off, call it off, call it off!" "I cannot do that." "WHY NOT?!" "Because I can not do that. It is acting on its own." Oh.
I knew that.
"What the…?" Looking back at the green surplus of misty Aura, I was astonished to notice that as it trailed further down my body, it was soothing the soreness and whatever pain was left from my previous fight, before finally dissipating at my feet, leaving me completely healthy again- even my skin had regained it's slight tan composure from when I first merged this body! "I'm entirely fixed, now! My wounds are closed, and my body doesn't feel like I had died at all. What on Remnant was that though, your Semblance?" She looked as lost as I felt. "I… Am unsure. I did not believe myself capable of possessing a Semblance…" Though she meant to mutter that last part to herself, my enhanced hearing heard it anyway. "Why wouldn't you have a Semblance, you have Aura, don't you? I heard it comes inherently to people who have their Aura's unlocked." She had opened her mouth to probably explain or at least avoid the question, rather, but when she did, she suddenly seemed to lock into place and fall to the ground. "Wow, what the hell happened to you?" "I believe that I am… Sufficiently out of Aura from… Saving you, and now my…" She really didn't look like she wanted to say the next part. "... My processor cannot run efficiently without a proficient amount of… Aura to power it, and without it, the rest… Of my body's systems will cease to function and I will shut down." She looked away from me at that. "Permanently."
Processor? Shut down? Permanently?
The fuck was she on about, anyway? What did she think she was, a robot?
…
…
…
Son of a bitch.
"Honestly should have seen this coming, but I'll smack past me for this in the future, but for now, where is your control panel?" "Inside my lower back, but why do you-" Whatever else she was going to say was muffled as I flipped her over quickly, incidentally landing her face in an old open package of chocolate pudding(At least, I hope it was chocolate pudding…). "... Sorry." Rooting around her back, I finally found a latch which I pulled open, revealing exactly what I was looking for. "Ah, here we go." "W-Wait, what are you doing?! That is very sensitive to me!" Huh. I am only just realizing that touching a robots control panel is like touching a woman's breast in terms of privacy.
Heh, second base already- score.
"I am seeing what in the nine levels of hell is wrong with you, now shush." Viewing the panel itself, it looked like a few things were out of place or broken. "Hm. Central circuits blew a fuse, heating fan is gunked up, data storage chip is outdated- wait, what is this?" Reaching inside her body, I awkwardly angled my arm to reach her upper back, and pulled out a… Half eaten corndog? "Not gonna ask- more blown out circuits, wires either cut or hooked up wrong, now where is the, ah! Here we go, processor; my god, when was the last time you were given a tune up?! From the looks of it, your processor was maybe a week away from just finally blowing itself out anyway, especially when they stupidly decided to use your own Aura as a powering source- morons should know not to mix souls and technology. It is just a fact of life that the spiritual and scientific worlds just cannot combine." "W-What…? I was that close to breaking down, and no one…" Understandably, the robot girl with a soul and Aura was shocked to know that her 'Caretakers' weren't so much caring, as they were taking. "I am afraid so… And not only that, but even when you were first made, I am positive your layout wasn't much better than this." "B-B-But why- there is just no way my father would…!" I knew why, I just really, really, really didn't want to open that can of worms right now; especially when the damn girl was already on the cusp of death and didn't need anymore reason to stop fighting and embrace kicking the bucket.
"Look, that doesn't matter right now-" "Yes, it does! I just can't wrap my head around it-" "Then don't, and focus on the fact that you are dying right now, and need help!" "I don't care about that- I can't care about that, not when something like this popped up to me…" It hurt to see her like this; tired, defeated, lonely. I might have known her for less than a day, but this girl grew on me(Literally ripping me out of death's arms probably helped, too.), and I didn't want to see her die just yet. "Then, then…" Think, think, think. "Then care about me, instead!" I sounded so cliche, I wanted to blow my own head off. "Wha… What?" Just the sound of her voice made me know that if she could do so, she would have moved her head to look at me just then. "Uh, yeah! If you can't care about yourself, theeeeeen, care about me in your stead! And right now, because I care about your wellbeing, then you should too, because that's what I care about, and if you don't make it, then just think about how DEVASTATED I would be!" "Husband-Jaune…" "So just shut up, and let me think, damn it!"
…
I couldn't fix her- not with such damages, irreparable work, and a lack of tools. It would take an absolute miracle at this point for her to see the next day.
Luckily for me I forgot I was in a crappily written fanfiction story on some no-name site, so the answer to my calls came in the form of a shady looking shop that was literally right behind me(Now that I looked properly, there was actually a dent in the metal door from where I had punched one of the dicks into earlier.).
"Neat."
A little over two minutes later, I was back at Penny's side with a bunch of material of questionable usability, though they would have to do for now. "You still with me, Penny?" "I am, Love Muffin!" Okay, that got me to stop. "Love what now?" "Love Muffin! Do you not like it? In the span of two minutes, seventeen seconds, fifty-six milliseconds you were gone, I took the liberty of looking up via the internet what being a wife should entail, and one of the sites I darted across told me that I should use sweet, endearing names to call you with instead of your actual name, 'Nicknames' they were called! Do you not wish for me to use them?"
… Via the internet?
Outdated Victorious throwback jokes aside- "No, no. It's fine. I doubt you could find something I would hate anyway." I chuckled as I set to work removing old circuit boards and faulty wires. "You got it, Bae!" I broke out into a deadpan glare at nothing. "Okay. That one, you do not use."
"Done, done, and done- everything is replaced and hooked in properly." "Then… Why do… I feel… Faint…" I winced. That would be the still entirely overused processor that was the only thing I had no real replacement for, and without it, all of the rest of the android girl's systems, too.
And I had just installed a nice espresso maker into her, too…
Don't ask where it was set-up(Hint: I was going to love it every time I asked her for a cup, now.).
"That would be because your processor is being a big meanie and won't fix itself no matter how much I try, and I don't have a suitable replacement, so if I don't think of something quick-" Well, let's not go there, shall we(Not.)? But where on Earth-Remnant-Places was I going to find a processor, and one that would be of use to a damn android?! A buzz from my scroll interrupted my train of thought, however. "Damn it phone, shut up! I am trying to think!"
…
…
…
Ellipsis, ellipsis, ellipsis… Wait- back up a bit, Biggy.
My scroll! A normal one probably wouldn't have a big enough processor, but I forgot I installed a newer, bigger one to mine so that it could handle my nefarious- or I mean benevolent purposes of projecting other people's Aura's instead of my own. And because of lazy writing and plot hax, I am sure it was state of the art somehow and the perfect replacement for Penny's old processor(Wow, I seem to be bashing the Author a lot here folks, aren't I… Hey wait, I AM the Author-). "Alright Penny, this might sting a bit-" I carefully lined up my scroll to the processing unit, and studiously placed it inside the socket, swiftly doing the few machinations to delete the old processor and make the new one the dominantly used of the two. "Alright, click, click, and… Click!" After one last confirmation, I switched on the processor, activating my scroll and lighting up the inside of Penny like a Christmas tree as the proper power was able to go to the proper places this time, and with the most efficient usage of energy carrying itself throughout her whole body. And just as soon as that was done, Penny snapped to attention and leapt into the air, flipping a bit before coming to stand directly in front of me, saluting happily. "Penny Polendina; working at over 210% normal efficiency output, combat ready, and ready for loving!" Well, at least that-
Worked?
"Penny, why did you say that last part?" "Hm? Oh, I was looking through your scroll-" Fantastic. "-And I came across a video in one of your private folders-" Foreboding. "-And I went through it, and it had the most interesting phrases and actions! Tell me, what is a 'Pelvic thrust'?" Aaaaaaaand dangerous.
"A-hem, onto other matters totally unrelated to my private downloaded files and search history-" "What is 'Tribadism'-" "UNRELATED! Anyway, you said you were from Atlas, right?" "That is correct." She still seemed distracted going through my private scroll things, which irked me a bit, but I moved on. "Then the ones who made you were the Atlas Militia. Must be trying to make the perfect weapon, and what better weapon than one with the capability of hoomahn adaptation and wields hoomahnities greatest weapon, Aura?" "W-Weapon?" That seemed to get her attention. "B-But I'm not…" "No." I stopped her there by placing a hand on her shoulder. "You're not, but they were trying to make one, and-" Well, this was going to suck. "-And you were just the prototype to them. A precursor of what was to come; that is why they didn't use the no doubt state of the art materials at their disposal to make you better, or even just work properly. They wanted to see if they could do something like make an artificial being with the ability to have Aura before they actually set to work on making the perfect robot- a perfect weapon." It almost broke my heart to see the devastated look on her face, but it needed to be said eventually, and now was probably as best a time as any to do so. "So-So I was just, a tool to be used, and tested for something that was going to come later, that was supposed to be better than me…?" "To them, yes. But!" I interrupted her before she could start anything. "That was just to those stuck up bastards; to everyone else, to me, you're Penny, the spunky, fun spreading girl who deserves better than that. So, with that in mind, I am going to give you two options; the first, is to go back to Atlas, where you can prove all those assholes wrong about you, and show you are above them ALL, or-" "The second one." I blinked. "But, I didn't even-" "Another thing I read about a husband and wife on the internet, is that they tend to know what the other is thinking at times." She gave me a soft smile that easily had me gulping and on edge. "And I know what you are thinking, now."
"... Well, if you're sure." I glanced over at the broken and mangled parts I had taken or ripped out of her before, lying on the ground behind us, and then the(Most likely-) black market alley store I had just bought all of her replacements. "Then I am going to need you to do something for me."
Morning had hit the next day, and my plan was ready to be set in motion.
"Atlas will come looking for you without a doubt, Penny." "Yes. Because I am their precious little prototype." Jeez, I didn't even know Penny was capable of showing emotion on the spectrum that wasn't curious, happy, or(The newest and my most hated one she has shown-) loving(Either emotionally OR physically- shudder.). "Penny, calm down. You know with my plan, they won't be getting their grubby little corn-dog eating hands on you anymore." At that, she actually did calm down and smiled serenely at me from her position in the bushes next to me, making me unbearably uncomfortable. "Of course, Pumpkin. I don't doubt you for a second." "Heh, heh, yeah- oh look, the representative!"
In a park surrounded by the buildings and bustle of Vale, a dark skinned Atlas worker(Evident by her uniform-) walked slowly by, eyes darting back and forth every now and then, before finally landing on one spot and widening. "There you are, Penny!" The girl ran over to a virtual clone of the same Penny beside me, except that one looked lackluster in everything compared to the real one, what with the clothing being duller than even what it usually was, her hair without the bow and being ragged and unmanageable for the most part, and her insides being a bigger wreck than what Penny's originally was- holding all the broken parts and pieces that I had taken from the real android so as to create an illusion of a proper robot girl, but with major differences in that the clone had no Aura what to speak of, no personality, and the processor was just some flimsy, poor excuse of one that I had downloaded through the internet for the thing to have to function basically and not just be an oversized doll. Though, it was still extremely basic in every aspect, like I said- "Your father has been worried sick, Penny! What have you got to say for yourself?" "My name, is Penny!"
Case and point.
"Uuuuuh, right. Anyway, we need to get you back to Atlas." Taking out her scroll, she shifted through some apps before settling on one and pointing it at Penny(Who now could not stop repeating her name, for some reason- stupid one dollar processor, should have sprung for the five buck one…) as if to confirm something. Of course I already knew what it was she was looking for, and because of my scrolls function, I was able to modify it so that it would work vice-versa on other scrolls(And processors, now-) as well. So when she looked for an Aura with the Aura gauge, she saw the Aura I was having Penny project into the tiny, easily breakable processor, so it would seem like it would have Aura, when it really didn't.
And of course it wouldn't last forever, as when they made it back to Atlas and gave the doll a much needed check-up, they would find everything wrong under the sun with it, but by that point it would be too late and the real Penny would be gone, and to(Hopefully-) never see an Atlas Military official ever again.
Seeing something she saw as good, the dark skinned girl nodded to herself and went over to the Penny look-a-like and started pulling her along with her to… Wherever the hell that was. "Come on, Penny, you have a Doctor's appointment that you just can not miss!" I couldn't help but sweatdrop. These Atlas people weren't much for subtlety, were they? Actually stopping to think about the only real Atlas person I know, I nodded. Yeah, definitely not subtle. Once the duo of fake Penny and fake-ass-best-friend were out of sight, I sighed and stepped out of the bushes. "Well, that's one problem down." Looking down to my right arm where Penny was now snuggling it affectionately, I sighed again. "And now there's this one to deal with…" Shaking my head, I made my way over Juniors club so I could get some fake transcripts ready(Again.) for the next part of my plan, Penny along for the ride too it seemed. "Okay, Penny. You know about the next part of this?" "Yep! I am to hand in my transcripts, and play the role of a transfer student whose application made it rather late to Beacon, and act like I still want to join the new year term, even though it's started already!" Nodding, I accepted that. But then, I had to move on to the harder part. "You, do know your real name is compromised now, so you'll have to use a new name, right?" The chipper girl next to me just flashed me a dazzling smile with something hidden behind its depths and nodded. "Oh, I know already. And I have just the name for this situation, too."
For some reason, that smile felt like it was going to be the death of me in the future…
"Why do you think the headmaster called everyone here for an assembly in the middle of the week, Jaune?" I shrugged helplessly next to Ruby as I took another sip from one of the very few flasks I had left on me after Ruby and Weiss had gone on a scavenger hunt to burn them all in our dorm(You let Nora get drunk once and suddenly you're public enemy number one…) and then rubbed one of my now non-bloodshot eyes. "Beats me. For all we know, the man could get his jollies off of just annoying the crap out of students and teachers alike." Because god only knew that I would be pissed too if my classes got interrupted for a stupid assembly(Good thing I don't teach though, so I don't have to put up with it!). "What is a 'Jollie'?" "It's those things Santa uses to check to see if you're naughty or nice." Ruby gasped. "And Professor Ozpin wants to get rid of his so that Santa won't know he was naughty this year?!" "Exactly."
Exactly not it.
Hey, that talk is meant for her sister, and until she got the balls to finally do it, I was gonna dance around the subject with her constantly.
"Attention, students!" Everyone quieted down as Ozpin finally made his way to the center of the stage, starting to explain why everyone was here. "Now as you may be asking yourselves; 'Why are we here'?" Dear lord, even in my own thoughts he somehow annoyed the shit out of me. "Well, to answer that simple question, I will start with this: Earlier this week, we received an application from a transfer student who wished to join Beacon late." Uh-oh. This didn't bode too well for me. "And as the school year had already kicked off and was well under way, I regretfully had to inform the prospective student that we could not make any exceptions for them." More not good. "And it sincerely broke my heart when they pleaded for me to let them join, but I still had to reject them from learning at our esteemed establishment." Yeah, broke it by way of getting crushed between a lung and the rib cage he was laughing so hard and much, probably. "However-" Eh? "After reviewing their transcripts, I noticed they were quite impeccable, so not to let talent like that go to waste, I allowed them to be tested by our staff, and if they did good enough, we would take them next year, or even throw in a good word to the other academies should they wish to go there instead." Okay, this was just going on too long now, why couldn't he just cut to the chase? "Cutting to the chase-" MOTHER FUCKER! "-They did extraordinarily well. Exceptionally well. So well, in fact, that we have yet to receive a student who has done better than that, even counting the later years." Jeez, I know I upgraded her systems and all, but I didn't think it would be to that point- at least yet. "And taking that into account, it was then that we decided that we just could not let this amount of talent go, so instead of making them a student, we have hired them as a faculty member!"
… Are you for real?
"So without further ado, I would like you all to meet the new Technology and Innovations teacher!" Ozpin stepped back and allowed(Surprise, surprise.) Penny to step up and wave to everyone. "Saaaaaaaalutations, everyone!" Well, this turned out nothing like I thought it would. And it could only be bound to become worse. "Yes, please welcome the new teach, Jennifer, or Jenny, as she likes to be called! But I am sure you will all be knowing her soon as Professor Arc!" Aaaaaaaand of course I was right(Wait, did she just add my first initial to her name and call it a day?).
All at once, I could feel everyone slowly turn towards me, wide eyed, mouths agape, and wondering what the hell was going on. "J-Jaune, do you know her?" Hm. Tell the truth and face the consequences now, or lie and face the consequences later? Easy choice. "Never seen her a day of my life." "And I am sure you are all wondering about it, and this lovely young lady is indeed related to our own Mr. Jaune Arc!"
One of these days Ozpin, one of these days.
Well, hopefully it couldn't get any worse, otherwise I might just have to buy a hat and eat it to shut my good-for-nothing mouth for a while.
"Hi, Big Daddy!"
You know, I heard there was a mighty fine place that sells ten gallon hats somewhere on campus, I'd have to stop and buy one soon.