Chapter 2 – Just get on plane Charlie

10:30 AM

Monday

Philadelphia International Airport

Charlie sends The Waitress a "bye bye" text on his smartphone.

The gang was getting out of the car, taking out their luggage. Dee was carrying one heavy bag and dragging one rolling bag. Every other member of the gang had one rolling luggage each. They all also had some carry-ons as well. Frank had a small bottle of whiskey.

"Bye guys, have a fun trip." said Cricket, as Dennis handed him a $5-bill.

"I can't believe you trust that guy with your car." said Dee

"Don't worry Dee. Besides, he's much cheaper than an Uber." replied Dennis

"But what if he gets in a wreck," retorted Dee. "You know he doesn't have insurance, and he doesn't have any money."

"Got damnit it. Nothings gonna happen." said Dennis, "And besides; its not like we're trusting him to tend the bar or anything. Relax."

"Ok, so who is tendingthe bar?" asked Mac.

"The McPoyles off course." said Dennis

- Talking at the same time -

"What!" - Mac.

"God damnit. What. Are you crazy" - Dee

"No, you can't pick the McPoyles. No way Dennis" - Charlie

"They're gonna rob us again. We're better off just closing the bar." - Dee

"God damnit. Guys, guys. I hired the McPoyles and that's final." - Dennis

"No. No. You can't hire the McPoyles." - said Dee, highly agitated

"Hey, you're blocking the exit." yelled a random stranger, as he was walking out the exit with his luggage.

"Damn, that guy was so rude." said Mac

"I know right. Come on, lets go." said Dennis as the gang walked through the door of the airport.

"Guys, is anyone gonna help me with my luggage." asked Dee, struggling with her luggage

The gang looked around, confused.

"Who told you to pack all that shit?" said Mac

"Yeah Dee, you don't need all that shit. We're only going to be in the city for a week. What the hell do you need all that luggage for. What you got in there anyway, 14 pairs of shoes?" said Dennis.

The rest of the gang laughed at Dee.

"Well excuse me. There's nothing wrong with looking good," retorted Dee. "Besides, you're supposed to be men. You're supposed to help a woman out when she's struggling with heavy things."

- Talking at the same time again -

"Um, No, screw that. You women want to be equal, and its not like I am gonna be dating any of you guys anymore anyway. I am washing my hands." said Mac

"Dee, you're getting old. No one's gonna care about how you look anyway, cause if I am being frank, you'll never be hot." said Dennis.

"Oh God damnit. I'll have the last laugh when I bring home more beads than the rest of you combined." said Dee.

"Next in line." said the SouthWest gate agent.

"You know what, fine, lets make a bet." said Dee

"God damn it Dee, there's not going to be any parades. There's no Mardi Gras, its already passed." said Dennis agitated. "And besides, no one's gonna throw you beads anyway. You're too old and your girls are too flat."

"Ok, I am in. I love bets?" said Charlie.

"I said next in line." yelled the SouthWest check-in agent.

The gang handed the check-in agent their non-carry-on luggage. "Bags fly free, bitches." said Dee to the gang as they all walked forward.

"Ok, you know what, lets make a bet." said Charlie

"Ok, fine. Whats the bet." said Dennis

"I bet you that there WILL be a Mardi Gras when we get there, and that we'll catch a whole bunch of beads." said Mac.

"I want in. And if I catch more beads that the rest of you, I win." said Dee.

"Ok, fine, and if there won't be any Mardi Gras just like I told you guys, Mac and Dee, you have to do Charlie work for a week. And Charlie, you get demoted to doing Cricket work." said Dennis.

"Fine. And what if there is." said Mac

"You have to sleep with an old man again like last time. You know, from that time you couldn't make it in the suburbs." said Frank

"And also, if I catch more beads than the rest of you guys combined, you all have to pay me $5 bucks. Each." said Dee

"And if you don't." said Mac

"Then I'll pay the winner five bucks." replied Dee

"Alright, so here's the deal. If Dee catches more beads than all of us combined we all each give her five bucks. But, if she doesn't, whoever catches the most most beads, Dee has to give them five bucks." said Mac.

"Yeah, ok, but I what I don't understand is, if Dee catches more beads than all of us, but not more than us combined, what happens then." asked Charlie

"Well, then obviously its a tie Dee and the rest of us." said Mac, then continued. "Dennis will just sleep with an old man for losing the other bet." as the gang agreed.

"Ok, we're all in." asked Charlie.

"I am in." said the gang.

"Sir, I am going to confiscate that. No liquids allowed." said the security guy to Frank.

"What, thats bullshit." said Frank.

"Hand it over." said the security agent, sternly.

"Fine." said Frank. "This is a bunch of government bullshit."

"Don't worry Frank, I am going to filibuster the airport later with legal motions in court to get your whiskey back." said Charlie as the agent threw the bottle in the trash.

Charlie took off his shoes like everyone else. The gang, security guards, and nearby passengers pinched their noses to avoid the foul smell. "What?" said Charlie, looking at everybody

The metal detector went off on Mac and Dennis as they walked through. "Step this way." said the security guy. Mac and Dennis were getting padded down by security guys as Dee and Charlie laughed at them.

"Oh, God dammnit." said Dennis as he got padded down.

"Man, this is like a violation of my civil liberties." said Mac

"Oh shut up, I know you liked that." said Dennis.

"What. Thats bullshit. Thats homophobic bullshit. You know, its not like all gay guys want to be groped by someone just because that someone is another guy. I can't believe you made that assumption." said Mac

The alarm went off on Dee as she stepped through the metal detector. Dee smiled coyly at the large security guard as she said "Hi there. You may frisk my body. You may take my liberty. But you will never, take, my freeeeedom." said Dee in her acting voice, slightly excited at t he prospect of getting frisked.

"What, what are you doing Dee." said Dennis disapprovingly

"Step over this way." said the guy in mild disgust, pointing towards another security guard, a large black woman.

"Oh, God dammit." said Dee, as she was being frisked by the female security guard. Mac and Charlie laughed at her.

The gang continued walking forward, barely making to the gate on time.

Charlie looked back. "Man, where the hell is the waitress."

"What. What the hell are you talking about." said Dennis.

"Oh you know. Its like those love movies. When someone has feelings for you, thats what they do." replied Charlie.

"What are you talking about. No. No one does that." said Dennis agitated.

"I believe he's right." said Mac

"Sure they do. It happens like in all the movies. When you leave at the airport, if someone loves you, they chase you down and try to stop you in the last minute. Thats what you're supposed to do whenyou're in love." said Charlie

"Oh, no. God dammit Charlie. Those are dumb chick flick moves. No one does that in real life. Besides, she doesn't love you; two, we're only gone for a week; three, you're the one stalking her, and; four, she doesn't even know what gate we're in." said Dennis agitated.

"There's not going to be any waitresses chasing you down, and there isn't going to be any beads, God-damit. Those are just movies." yelled Dennis angrily, while the whole airport stared at him.

"You know what I don't understand." said Mac, just barely outside a security guard's earshot "Why did they confiscate Frank's booze."

"Because of God damn Muslim terrorists man. I am mean I am not like anit-Muslim, or anything. I am just saying." said Charlie

"No, thats not what I was getting at." said Mac. "I mean lets say that we were terrorists." continued Mac.

"I mean if we hid explosives in the whiskey bottle, they just threw it right there in the trash in the middle of the isle. I mean think about." said Mac

"Guys, shut up. Stop talking about terrorists." said Dennis

"Yeah, because if security arrests us I will tell them I am not with you gu-" said Dee, interrupted.

"Shut up Dee" said Mac and Dennis.

"No, I am serious, the bomb would just explode killing all the people in line. So theres like really no point in taking the whiskey bottle from Frank. Like I am not a terrorist, but I mean say I was one; thats exactly what I would do. Just put a bomb in the whiskey bottle, and have it explode in the garbage can when they take it." said Mac, with a gate agent just barely not hearing him.

"Oh my God, thats a really good point," said Charlie, "Frank, when we got back, I am gonna tell them that in court and sue them."

"God damnit. No, no. Stop talking about terrorists and lawsuits. Just get on the plane all of you. God damnit it." said Dennis.

"Get on the plane?" asked Charlie.

"No, screw you. I am getting in the plane." joked Charlie, as the gang laughed.

"Oh God damnit it Charlie, just get on the plane." yelled Dennis angrily

"Welcome to SouthWest airlines. I hope you will enjoy our flight to New Orleans." said the flight attendant as the gang walked into the plane.