Chapter 4

And West We Go

1:45 PM

Monday

New Orleans International Airport, Car Rental stand

"Next in line." said the car rental agent as the gang stepped over to the side.

"Whats this business I hear about paying for two rental cars." said Frank, sternly. Charlie nodded in agreement.

"Oh come on Frank. You know you drill. Lets face it. We will probably just spend the whole day arguing over what we should do in the city." said Dennis

"Yeah, dude, he's right." said Mac

"Actually, we might even have rented thee or more cars. I am just saying." said Charlie

"Ok, fine." said Frank, angrily

"Me and Mac decided that we would be the two drivers. Besides, we saved so much money renting an apartment on AirBnB instead of a hotel we might as well." said Dennis

- talking at the same time -

"Wait, what, how come Mac and Dennis get to drive" said Dee, highly agitated.

"Man, that's bullshit. We should at least get turns." said Charlie

"I paid for the cars, **I** should get to drive." said Frank

"No, no, no Charlie, you're not driving." said Dennis, agitated

"I am a better drive than all of you." said Dee

"I am calling objection. OBJECTION." said Charlie

"Gay men are the best drivers, everyone knows that. We have the best traits of both women drivers and men drivers. Best of both worlds." said Mac

"What! What! What hell are you talking about Mac. Says who. " said Dee, agitated

"SHUT UP. SHUT UP, EVERYONE." yelled Dennis. As everyone shut up, he continued.

"Charlie, you're a bad driver and you don't even have insurance. Dee, well, face it, you're a woman. And Frank, you're drunk and high all the time, and if we're being honest, you're getting old and senile and couldn't drive even if you were sober." said Dennis

"Yeah, I guess he's right." said the whole gang.

"Ok, well since we're being honest, I am just going to interject here." said Charlie. "I am riding with Mac. Dennis, you're cranky and no fun."

"Yeah, I agree." said Dee

"Dude, he's right. I am going with Mac." said Frank

"Yeah, ok fine. Fine." said Dennis angrily.

"Also," said Charlie, "shutgun!"

"Oh. Oh. Oh, God damnit Charlie." said Dee

"Screw that, I call backseat. Backseat!" said Frank

"You know, since we're in New Orleans, we should follow the local customs. Charlie, you should let me sit shotgun since I am the lady." said Dee

"Shut up Dee. Here we go with that again." said Dennis

"Well, no dude. Objection! I called shotgun fair and square." said Charlie

"Well, I am the Captain of this car,so I am making the call. Charlie gets the front seat. Dee, you sit with Frank." said Mac.

"Oh God damnit it. God damnit it all of you." said Dee

"You could just ride with your friend Dennis." said a random person in line.

The gang looked around and pondered.

"You know." said Charlie. "He does have a point. Thanks man."

The gang stepped away and walked their way towards the parking lot.

"Man, that guy was so rude. I can't believe he just jumped into our conversation like that. Who does that." said Dennis.

"I don't know dude. I think he was pretty helpful." said Charlie

"No guys. Don't you see what's happening here." said Mac. "I read about this. I think its a cultural thing. People in the South do that, they consider it a form of politeness. Remember, we're in their territory now. Try to blend in and be sensitive to the local culture." said Mac

The gang approached the car rental parking lot with random tourists and so locals milling around.

"Ok, does anyone know where we're going." said Frank

"I booked us a great and cheap place. Its in a small town called Westwego. Lets figure out the best place to get there." said Dennis, pulling out his Tom Tom device

"Thats on over on the West Bank. You could either take the Huey P Long or the Crescent City Connection. Should take you about the same amount of time around this time of day." said a random stranger.

"My Tom Tom says 31 minutes on the Cresent and 30 on the Huey P Long." said Dennis.

"Ok, well, mine says 28 minutes on Cresent City Connection and 29 on Huey P Long." said Charlie

"What. Nobody cares what your stupid app says. I have a Tom Tom, why the hell would I care what a GPS on a crappy cheap phone says." said Dennis

"You know what. I am going with Charlie on this. Because as a good captain that I am, I actually listen to others. Charlie, you're in charge of navigation." said Mac

"Ok, you know what. Fine, whatever. Come on Dee." said Dennis, as they got into the car and drove off.

- About 20 minutes later -

"Oh my God, that's so cool. I can't believe we're actually in New Orleans." said Charlie

"I know right." said Mac

"Hey, hey hey. Why are you passing up New Orleans. We're passing it up." said Charlie

"No Charlie, we're going to our place first to unpack. We'll come back later." said Mac

"Well, yeah, I get that. I am just saying. I mean we could just save some gas since we're already here and just chill here for a few minutes." said Charlie

"Ok, where do you want to go Charlie." said Mac. Meanwhile Frank dozed off in the back.

"I don't know. I thought you had a plan." said Charlie.

"You know what. I AM getting kind of hungry." said Mac

"You know, we could just randomly walk around the city without a map and see where it would take us. That would be so cool." said Charlie

"Oh my God, thats a good idea Charlie. Lets do that." said Mac

"In 0.2 miles, take the exit on Business 90. You should be on the fastest route to your destination." said the GPS device

"You know what. You should probably turn that off." said Mac

"Yeah, ok. I think we should make the first detour that we get the chance." said Charlie, turning off his cell phone and putting in our pocket.

"Ok, well, there's on exit coming on up Top. Tope. Teh-chop. Te-hop. Top-et-tu-las." said Mac

- 15 to 45 minutes later -

Dee and Dennis arrived at the destination and took their bags from the car. Their apartment was on the 2nd floor, up an outdoors staircase with no elevators. Dennis grabbed his bags and bump by bump got it all up there. Dee meanwhile, struggled, with no help and eventually got all her bags up there. They spent the next 45 minutes or so unpacking.

"Hey, where the hell is Charlie and Mac," said Dennis annoyed. "They should have been here like an hour ago."

"I don't know. I tried calling Charlie but he's not picking up." said Dee

"Well, I know his phone is not in airplane mode. God damnit Charlie. Pick up." said Dennis, attempting to call Charlie.