Chapter 9
Down The Gutter
5:00 PM
Monday
New Orleans
Frank is driving around the city, tired but finally started to sober up. He rammed into another curb as he decided to take a short pit stop. He took out his phone, attempting to put Bourbon Street into his GPS, but unfortunately his phone powered off. Frank then proceeded to take a short nap, some 20 to 40 minutes or so. Finally, Frank woke up and continued randomly driving around until he stopped another drive through Daiquiri shop.
"Oh sweet" thought Frank, as he drove up to the counter.
"Yeah, I'll have one large Daiquiri. Also, can you tell me where Bourbon Street is. My phone just died so I can't use my GPS." said Frank
"Sure, what flavor? Also, you want to get on Elysian Fields and make a right at the very end. Just drive around by the flee markets so you don't get stuck by slow pedestrians." said the guy behind the counter, as several people patiently sat behind him.
"Ok, well, I'll the peach. Also, I got to tell ya. This city is awesome. You get to buy alcohol from a drive through and just drive around drinking and its all legal. You guys are awesome." said Frank
"Oh no. Thats not legal at all. You can get charged with open container laws just like anywhere else." said the merchant, then continued
"What ya wanna do is cover the straw hole with tape, that way it no longer counts as an open container. Here, I got some extra scotch tape. Just take the straw out and tape over the hole to make it legal." said the merchant, as he handed Frank his drink in a styrofoam cup, with a plastic cover and Frank paid and drove off.
Frank noted the Walmart across the street as he drove off. The sky slowly began to get darker, slowly impairing Frank's vision as he sipped on his drink, until Frank finally got near the end of Elysian Fields, forgetting exactly what he's supposed to do. He spotted a ton of pedestrians, and a parking lot across the street.
"This must be it." Frank thought, looking at all the people.
Looking at the parking prices, $5 for 1-3 hours, $8 for 3 to 6 hours, $10 for 6 to 24 hours, "Well hell, they're not gonna Jew me out of my money. Not today." thought Frank, forgetting that he still had the boot removing tool. He backed out going the wrong way, and without looking cut across Elysian Fields's heavy traffic to the other side, then parking next to a creepy abounded warehouse. As it got darker still outside, the area did not look like a place that a reasonable person would consider a safe place to park. Frank continued to sip on his daiquiri until he drank it down to halfway and wisely left it in his car, figuring bars wouldn't allow him with an outside drink as he exited the car.
Frank then crossed Elysian Fields, past the original parking lot as he flipped it the bird. Eventually Frank got to Frenchman Street, and made a right seeing thats where all the people are.
"Damn, this must be it." thought Frank, "It will take a while to find Mac and Charlie among all these people here on Bourbon."
Frank then proceeded to bar hop, entering random bars and clubs, listening to some live bands along the way. Eventually, he stumbled upon a bar that he really loved, which featured a live rock cover band. He was so impressed with the band that he even decided to tip them, something that he very rarely ever does. Frank took out a five-dollar bill and put it in a tip box. Then, he hovered about a minute or two over the box, until he found four one-dollar bills and took them. During intermission, he walked around the bar until he saw a pool table, which took quarters and cost a two dollars to play.
At the pool table, a young man pointed to Frank "hey, wanna play" as Frank waved him off saying "I don't have quarters, only bills." as an excuse not spend money.
"Thats cool, I got it." said the young man, holding a wad of quarters. "I'll play the winner" said the guy's girlfriend.
The trio continued playing, some 10 games in total; of which Frank partook in 7, winning 2. Frank then took out two one-dollar bills out of his four and offered to pay as the couple waived him off. As the intermission ended, Frank spent another hour enjoying himself and tipped the musician another dollar.
"Oh shit, its getting late. I was supposed to pick up Frank and Mac. Where are they. Oh well, I am sure they figured out something out by now. Damn, I am getting sleepy" thought Frank as he exited out the bar, and looked around, trying to remember where he parked. Thinking, thinking, thinking, "Oh, thats right" thought Frank as he recognized the street leading to the original parking lot. Frank then walked back across Elysian Fields and to his car. His daiquiri now warm, Frank slowly sipped it and took a nap.
*bang bang*
"What, what now." thought Frank as he woke up, and found a young white male, in mid-twenties with dreadlocked hair, knocking on his window.
"Hey, nice house you got there. Sup man." said the man, with a friendly demenour.
"Oh, hey. And thanks. Whats up." said Frank, confused, as several of the guy's gutter punk buddies joined in, looked inside Frank's rental car and assumed he was a homeless squatter just like them. The gutter punks reeked of pot and BO, which Frank didn't even notice; partly due to dulled senses from aging, and partly due to living with Charlie for a long period of time.
"Hey, we got a pretty nice set up in our warehouse. If you wanna chill there." said one of the gutter punks.
"Nah" said, Frank, until he noticed one of the women smoking a joint. "You know, I guess I could." said Frank.
Frank walked out of his car, as they exchanged greetings, and walked several blocks towards the warehouse they crashed in. An older woman with a raspy voice, in her late 50's greeted them. Behind her, some group of 20 young gutter punks and 6 dogs; 16 men, 4 women, all white in their 20's and 30's. "Hey, I found this guy sitting around chilling. I figured he might crash." said a young man
The older woman looked at Frank, sizing him up and said "ok, I run this place. You start any shit and I kick you outta here, capiche. Also, we are a community. What do you have to offer us." she said sternly, as a young man said "Its ok, he's cool. Should only stay here for a day or tw..." as the woman put her finger on his mouth, and shushed him.
The woman starred down Frank coldly, as Frank thought about the cash in his car, worried they might find out about. "Oh yeah, he got a running car." said a young man, taking up for Frank.
"What a coincidence. Mine is in 'a shop' [doing air-quotes]. A shady mechanic, I am not sure if he even knows what he's doing" pointing to one of the gutter punk residents.
"He could totally make groceries." said one of the young guys.
"I mean, sure, I guess I could do it. There's like a Walmart near by I saw earlier. I mean I am a bit tired now. I could do it tomorrow morning." said Frank, with his breath smelling like alcohol; as the woman starred him down coldly, worried that it might be a trick to stay a night for free.
"Or you know what. I don't really feel like it right now. Is it ok if one of you guys makes the effort." said Frank, handing them the keys, forgetting that he has cash hidden in the car.
Everyone looked at each other confused and uncomfortable. Finally, all eyes on one particular young guy, until he said "Well, I guess I kinda know how to drive."
The woman nodded to the four "volunteers" she had in mind, handed them $100 cash, as they walked off. "Oh yeah, and get me some beers, and maybe a daiquiri across the street." said Frank, as he handed the guy guy a twenty dollar bill.
A young couple then pulled out a joint, and offered it to Frank, as the trio went towards the corner of the warehouse. A couple of dogs came to them upon smelling the pot. They collectively smoked about 3 or 4 joints, blowing some of it towards the dogs; and talked about random philosophical stuff. Frank shared many of the typical insights he would normally overhear at Paddies Pub from the random arguments / discussions the gang had.
Meanwhile at the car, the four got in. "Hey man, any of yall saw Ferris Buller's Day Off?" said one of the gutter punks. "Man, I am assuming you mean that scene where the valets took the car for a joyride." said another. They all looked uncomfortably at each other, as one nodded. The driver then peeled off and sped off.
Back at the warehouse, it was around midnight. On the first floor, where the vast majority of the gutter punks slept, two industrial metal staircase led to the second "floor." The second level was made up of a labyrinth of walk-able spaces, handrails, etc. The first floor was mostly concrete, with unused machine parts mostly in the center. Near the walls, several old bare mattresses laid on the floor. Several of the gutter punks and a dog or two went to sleep.
The old woman turned to Frank. "They call me the House Queen. I've been living in place for at least 10 years. So, one day when I checked the local ordinances in the local library, it turns out that by Squatters Law, I legally own the place." said the woman, with no way to verify her story. "See, you got to beat the industrial capitalists at their own game. [wink] We here are a community of equals, and we all contribute to the well-being of this place. No freeloading. Good to see that your car came in handy."
Two couples, a same-sex one with the young man that 'discovered' Frank, and an opposite-sex couple were making out, groping each other. In one of the couples, the woman gave the House Queen 'that look.' The House Queen sighed. The young woman took out a five-dollar bill as the House Queen hypocritically took it and pointed at the northwest corner of the building, reached by one of the staircases. "You got 8 hours honey" said the House Queen as they went upstairs for privacy. Then, the guy who brought Frank to the warehouse walked up to the House Queen as if they were to go up together.
"Oh no honey. You good. You did very well today." said the House Queen as the young man went back to his boyfriend, and then they played with one of the dogs. The House Queen then signaled Frank to go upstairs.
As they went upstairs, Frank had a bird's eye view of the bottom floor. The area was dimly lit by glow-in-the-dark tape, which gained its power from the sunlight through the industrial windows. Eventually, they went into what looked like a small electrical room. "Close the door behind you. You're letting all the AC out." said the House Queen sternly
The room had wires all over the place. What looked like a rigged up AC stood in the corned. One of the walls was outfitted by a 42 in flat screen TV. A laptop, a router, and small fridge were also connected to several open sockets. A giant battery connected to the entireapparatus. As Frank looking bewildered, the House Queen said "Oh honey, we're just 'borrowing' electricity from our neighbors. They have so much extra juice I am sure they won't mind."
"Oh, ok." said Frank
"We have to be very careful to ration it. Thats why I got the 42 in. I really wanted a 55 in, but they eat up too much juice. Just make sure you keep the volume on low." said the House Queen, pointing to TV.
"I get about 8 good hours of AC. I have to be careful though, cause if you overdo it that causes brownouts and wears down our equipment." said the House Queen.
"Ok, so what about the rest of the house" said Frank, as she laughed.
"Well, its the only room in house that has power." said the House Queen
"But if some of my house pets don't like the arrangement, in my house, well.." said the House Queen
"They're always free to find another one." continued the House Queen
"Or, they're free to come visit me if they want AC that bad." said the House Queen, coyly
"Ok, so can I charge my phone. Its dead." asked Frank
"Sure thing honey." said the House Queen
"You know, according to our conventional society's rules, they say that we're both about equally unattractive. We don't have that much choice, do we?" said the House Queen, as she took off Frank's cloths.
"Well, it is kinda hot in here, even with the AC." said Frank, as he took off her clothing as well. The air became rancid as neither of the two took more than 3 baths per month.
The Next Morning
The young gutter punks came back from Walmart in the wee hours, carrying in the groceries, mostly nonperishable items. Three women and a guy helped bring the perishable groceries upstairs to the House Queen's room. "Sorry man, the daiquiri shop was closed" said the gutterpunk, as he handed Frank his beers, keeping the change for himself. He bought Frank two six-packs, Abita and Bier Noir. The car had some additional minor scratches on it. Surprisingly, not much was stolen, except for some small cheap items the gutterpunks helped themselves to. Frank's cash was all still there.
"Hey man, nice boot remover you got there. We got a similar model back at the house. Served us very well in this city. Take care." said the gutterpunks, and Frank said goodbye and drove off.
Frank drove half a block to the original parking lot and spent an hour or two partying in the quarter in the wee hours, then went back to the car and took a 4 hour nap. When he woke up, as excepted saw a boot on his car. After putting in the address in his now charged phone GPS, Frank got out of the car and took the boot off; and drove off back to the appartment.