Chapter 10
Later Gator
Tuesday (mostly)
Monday night, the gang, minus Frank, just got back to their apartment from Bourbon Street. Mac and Charlie finished unpacking while the gang argued what they should do the next day. Charlie kept nagging the gang that he wanted to go see aligators and go to a crawfish fest, while Dennis kept getting mad that its almost an hour away; until Mac agreed with Charlie. Dee wanted to go see a play in the Saenger Theater, while Dennis just wanted to chill at random bars.
"Ok, fine. We'll go see the gators. Fine, yeah, lets go see a stupid play." said Dennis, highly agitated, as he proceeded to turn on the TV for the one hour before he goes to bed.
"Dude, turn on the local news, that way we get some authentic New Orleans culture." said Charlie
"You know what, fine, whatever. I don't care." said Dennis, flipping to Channel 6 News, where the news talked about another murder. "You see, thats what happens when you wonder the city randomly. I am sticking to Bourbon Street." said Dennis
"..And in other news, another Confederate monument was taken down this afternoon. While some demonstrators and counter-demonstrators took to the streets, sources say the event went peacefully, with only one minor incident, what appeared to be a drunk driving hit and run running into the crowd. Although sources say they don't believe it was politically motivated, NOPD is still looking for the suspect. If you have any information, please call Crime Stoppers at..."
"Damn man, I can't believe Frank isn't here yet." said Mac
"I am sure he's fine. Probably banging some broad." said Dennis
"Well, dude, what if something happened to him." said Charlie
"Well God damn, nothing better have had happened. I already put down my deposit for the rental car." said Dennis
Charlie continued watching TV until he fell asleep on the couch, while the rest of the gang went to their rooms, until they woke up at 9:30 AM the next morning.
The next morning
As the gang woke up, they pointlessly argued about dumb stuff such as what to eat, who should cook, how to make the coffee, etc.
"Well, dude, I am telling you. I should be the one who to drive." said Dennis while Mac kept saying that he should
"Whats all the racket." said Frank sternly
"Frank!" said Mac and Charlie with excitement, as Frank just walked in
"Where the hell you've been. And dude, whats that smell, you smell worse than usual." said Dennis
"Ok, then I guess its settled." said Dennis, pointing to the car, as everyone followed him
"Shotgun!" yelled Charlie.
"Oh, God dammit Charlie. God damn you." said Dee, as Charlie and Dennis got in the front, while Dee, Mac and Frank got in the back seat.
Dennis drove off, got on the main highway over the bridge, and onto I-10. Driving on the long stretch, some 40 to 50 minutes of just driving, was slowly getting to Dennis. Frustrated by the occasional slow driver, idiots riding his bumper, sneaky cops hiding where the long bridge over the swamp curved; was cursing up a storm. Meanwhile, the rest of the gang were enjoying themselves, taking selfies, listening to Frank's adventures from the day before, and enjoying the scenic view of the swamp. Dennis, frustrated and jealous of the rest of the gang that he got stuck with the task of driving, unable to enjoy the view, began snapping at his passengers. Having "won" the argument that he should be the one to "get" to drive; Dennis ranted and raved. "Shut up. Everyone, shut up. I am trying to concentrate." yelled Dennis, and everyone got uncomfortably quiet.
Frank them broke the silence. "Um, guys. Where are we going again." asked Frank
"Oh, God damnit it Frank." yelled Dennis
"We're going to see alligators at a swamp tour." explained Mac
"In 3 point 5 miles, take the exit on I-55. Your destination will be on the left." said the GPS
"Yey, we're almost there" said Charlie, as they got closer and closer, eventually getting onto the property and finding some gravel filled parking.
As they got out of the car, Dennis met with a man with a heavy Cajun accent, with Frank instinctively handing over his wallet to pay. There, they each receive a liability waiver form. Another tour guide, just finishing with the previous group, them called on the gang, and led them through a narrow path through heavy forest into a small motor boat, as they got in. The tour guide, also the captain of boat, then went over some basic safety rules and whatnot, and then they took off.
Riding through the swamps, the tour guide pointed at various baby alligators, explaining the ecology and what not. The boat passed a few small, mostly wooden, houses on the bayou; nothing fancy, as the tour-guide waved at one of the homeowners. The row of houses weren't even connected to a powerline, much less gas lines.
"And these, believe it or not, are worth over two-hundred grand. Its actually very expensive to build on the swamps, because of how expensive it is to move materials. Not to mention, this is waterfront property..." said the tour-guide, as they passed another house; this time one outfitted with solar panels, a satellite dish, and a giant Who-Dat flag, and a US flag. Another house had a motor boat docked, with a confederate flag bumper sticker on the boat.
"Ok guys, this here is an adult male alligator, some 20 years-old." said the tour-guide as he took out a small piece of meat, and the alligator got closer. The alligator jumped slightly in the air to catch the meat.
"Whoa, that was pretty cool" said Mac, as the tour guide then opened up a chest, containing a bunch of marshmallows, and proceeded to feed them some more. The tour-guide was facing the front, starring out into the swamp, steering the boat; not looking at what is happening behind him.
Meanwhile, Charlie and Dennis, without permission, grabbed a handful of marshmallows and began feeding the gators nearby themselves. "Hey, look, I think he likes me. Look at that big smile." said Charlie with excitement. Charlie would then extend his hand, making bite gestures with his hand, as if he were to play with the gator. "Hey, ya'll want to feed them. Throw a couple of marshmallows their way. Don't be afraid, alligators are mostly peaceful creatures and rarely attack humans unless provoked." said the tour guide, turning his attention to Charlie and Dennis.
Charlie then took another marshmallow, teasing the gator with it, moving his hand away at the last second. Finally, threw it toward the gator as the gator jumped up with teeth wide open, biting inches away from Charlies fingers. Charlie extended out his hand, bending over the edge of the boat, snapping his fingers at the gator. "Here boy, come here." said Charlie, as the gator jumped up, not sure if for the marshmallow or Charlie's hand. Mac began doing the same, messing with the gators. "I wonder if he does tricks" asked Charlie. Dennis and Dee were filming the exploits with their phones.
The tour-guide, upon witnessing the gang's increasingly irresponsible shenanigans, started to get uncomfortable. The gator was close enough to the point of Charlie being able to pet him, hanging to the side of the boat. The guide slowed down the boat to minimum speed, reducing the boat's side-motion and risk of Charlie falling over-board. "Hey, yall wanna see something cool" said the guide, pointing to a gaggle of pelicans and some turtles, as a means of distracting the gang away from the gators without ruining their experience. He then took off full speed away from the several gators congregating around the boat as soon as Charlie back away from the edge of the boat.
The tour guide was seasoned enough in his profession to know how to balance the risk of liability against the risk of unhappy customers asking for refunds and/or giving bad reviews online. The tour guide knew full well that just because someone signed a piece of paper waiving their right to sue doesn't mean that the courts will see it that way. As the boat rode towards the turtles and pelicans, Frank took out a bottle of beer he still hand on him, and began drinking it in full view of the guide. "Sorry sir, but the state of Louisiana has a very strict open-container laws." said the tour guide to Frank.
"Oh sorry. Yeah, thats some nanny-state bullshit." said Frank angrily, as gulped down the bottle and threw the bottle overboard into the swamp. The tour-guide, keeping his cool, looked around and sighted with relief that no witnesses were around. "And these turtles here are five years old. Normally, they..." said the tour-guide, explaining the ecology, and such until they got to the pelicans. The tour-guide had briefly mentioned that some turtles are kept in captivity to be released into the wild in case their populations drop below a certain point; but that they also sell some of the left-over turtles.
"Hey, do you think they sell pelicans as well as the turtles. Dude, they should totally do that. That would be so bad ass dude." said Mac
"Nah man, I don't think its legal to sell pelicans dude." said Charlie
"Why the hell not." asked Frank
"Well dude, thats just basic bird law 101 for you. I am telling you, you can't legally sell any birds. I mean I know its bullshit, but I didn't make the laws." said Charlie within the tour-guide's eatshot. The legal talk from Charlie, even if pointless rambling, got the tour-guide nervous. Meanwhile, a boat from the Wild Life and Fisheries approached nearby. The captain saw the tour-guide, and gave a friendly wave at the tour-guide; as he waved back smiling. The tour-guide, hiding his nervousness well, thinking of all the possible fines he could possibly rack up if not other sanctions; praying that these idiots wouldn't do anything stupid right when a government official witnesses it with his own two eyes. From a distance, the guide can still see the littered bottle near the path where the Wild Life boat just passed.
As the boat continued, another set of alligators was within sight. Several baby alligators, feeding, while the mama gator was nearby hunting for food, sitting on a tree log. "Hey, look at those cute baby alligators. Awww." said Dee.
"Man, I have an idea. I think we should feed them. We could totally play with them." said Charlie
"Dude, thats a good idea." said Mac, as he reached out trying to pet the baby gators, as the mama gator witnessed them and jumped off the log and began swimming towards them.
"Hey look, the mama gator is coming. Awwwah, that so cute." said Dee. As soon as the tour-guide heard her, instinctively he put the boat in the next gear and steered the boat as far and fast away from the situation as possible. "Naw its close to their bed time. We don't wanna disturb their nap time" lied the tour-guide, getting out of dodge before it hits the fan.
Soon after, out of nowhere, dark clouds loomed over and thunder crackled nearby. Suddenly, heavy rainfall fell on the gang, soaking them down.
"Ok, our tour is coming to a close. We'll be heading back." said the tour-guide as he speed full speech through the heavy rain back to base. Some 5 minutes later, the rain stopped as the boat got back to dock.
The gang disembarked, got out all excited. "Dude man, I was wrong. I gotta hand it to you Charlie. That was pretty fun." said Dennis, no longer cranky. The entire gang extremely pleased with their excursion, had the time of their lives.
"I know right, that was awesome dude." said Mac, as they walked down the narrow forest path back to the booth. Still wet, the gang decided to wait some 10 minutes to dry off, as Charlie saw several school children, around 4th to 6th graders, congregating around a booth. "Oh my God, they're selling turtles. I gotta have one." said Charlie as he joined the children in line to purchase one and come back.
"Hey yall, time of a free group photo." said a friendly tour-director, as they all smiled for the camera. "Yall come back naw, yall hear." said the director, all smiling. "Oh man, when we come to New Orleans again, we're definitively coming back here." said Denis. As the gang took the photo as a sovereign, they made their way back to the car.
The smiling director walked back to the booth; as his smile quickly faded, holding the camp's copy of the photo. In the backoffice, a wall was filled with photos. At the top, a grouping of five photos in a row, with a banner that read "Banned For Life". The row below, filling with about 20 photos, titled "Keep Close Eye if Back" Based on the decision from a heated discussion a few minutes earlier; an employee posts the photo with push pins on the bottom row as the tour guide typed up notes from the trip, adding to their file.