Chapter 14: In the dark of the night, Castiel is not pleased
Castiel...was expecting a confession.
Laying in bed with Dean sound asleep on the other side of it, he can't get it out of his head. Last night, or more accurately the whole day, Dean had been acting odd. He's been acting a little odd a lot recently, actually. Which is why when he asked Dean about the reason he didn't want Castiel to date, he was expecting more. When Dean began to speak, he had this look in his eyes. Even if he's not exactly an expert at these things even Castiel recognized it for what it was.
It scared him.
He played through how to turn him down, how to somehow salvage a friendship out of the wreck that would occur but then...Dean denied it.
Truly, being wrong about Dean possibly confessing to him isn't the part that's keeping Castiel awake tonight. No, that honor belongs to something much more concerning.
After the initial relief from avoiding an awkward moment, Castiel felt a quick but intense flash of disappointment.
Some part of him perhaps wanted Dean to tell him that he liked him. Of course, Castiel still isn't entirely sure how he would react or if he would even want to reciprocate. Not too long ago Castiel probably would have only felt relief. He would be happy that Dean just wanted their friendship safe.
Now, though... he's not only realized he needs Dean around him but laying here thinking about it he's also realized he wouldn't hate if it was less platonic.
Except maybe he would? They have never kissed or anything, and while physically being close to Dean is comforting for the most part, being truly intimate is something Castiel has never given much thought.
In regards to Dean or anyone else.
Honestly, Castiel has never really seen anyone be intimate with someone else. Gabriel and Sam will sometimes hold hands or sit close on the couch around Castiel, but nothing truly intimate. His mother died when he was young, and even before her death his father was never a truly warm man. He's fairly certain the most he saw his father do for her was stroke her hair while she was on her deathbed.
No kiss, no words of love, no nothing.
Still, that small act brought such a bright smile to her face, Castiel can't help but think that was probably the most romantic thing he'd done for her in public or private.
He can't help but wonder if maybe he's as romantically stunted as his father.
Maybe moreso. His father at least realized his feelings and married.
Curious, and more than a little miffed at the idea of being like his father in this aspect, Castiel turns to face the sleeping Winchester beside him. It's a good sized bed so they aren't all that close, not like on the couch or in Dean's bed, so he moves closer. He bring himself right up to Dean and stares at the sleeping man.
Perhaps he can check. Just see if touching Dean brings about any feelings. He hesitantly lifts a hand up and leaves it hovering between them, unsure of where it should go.
Where does he want it to go?
He's not sure.
His favorite part of Dean is his eyes and he certainly cannot touch those with his hand, so what's the second?
His freckles.
Another thing he cannot touch.
Although the thought of actually running his hand, or even just his thumb, over the dusting of freckles on Dean's face does something strange to his heart. It's enough to scare him back to his end of the bed, keeping his hands very much to himself. His face feels a little warmer and he's not entirely sure he hates any of it.
Maybe...he does like Dean?
Or could.
No, if Castiel is looking at this logically, he probably already likes Dean in such a way and just didn't want to give it credence. After all, being friends with a man his father hates is hard enough. Although he's fairly certain his father would not mind if he fell in love with a man, so long as it was one he approved of. Needless to say, that will never be Dean.
He would honestly have an easier time getting his father's approval for Sam. A thought he honestly has no interest in.
"Dude, Cas, are you awake?" Dean mumbles from his spot, making the teen jump slightly.
"Yes, Dean, I am awake." He replies and Dean groans.
"It's two in the goddamn morning, man, go to sleep. What has you so awake anyways?"
You
"Nothing." Castiel lies, actually lies, and winces.
His father would be so upset about that, among other things.
Dean lets out a quiet hum before moving closer and wrapping an arm around Castiel's shoulders, making him tense up. "There's nothing that's going to hurt you in the tent, princess." He teases, his voice rough with sleep, "Now go to bed so you can be at least conscious for the battle tomorrow."
Castiel sighs, giving the blissfully unaware man next to him a harsh glare. He's fairly certain LARPing is now his least favorite thing in the world. From now on if Dean ever asks him to join it will be a very strong no.
"Why exactly are you holding me, Dean?" He finally asks, feeling Dean tense up for a second before huffing out a tired laugh.
"It's what I used to do for Sammy when he got scared during our camping nights."
Castiel frowns at that, the image of a tiny Dean hugging and even smaller Sam in the woods alone at night. His father is many things, but he would never toss his young children out into the woods.
Not even Lucifer.
"I am not Sam, Dean. You do not need to do that." He points out, more than a little uncomfortable at the contact. Especially after what he has actually been up all night thinking about.
"Don't be so moody, princess."
"I believe my actual title is that of chambermaid, isn't it?" Castiel asks and Dean laughs.
"Fair enough." He lifts his arm off of Castiel, leaving him both relieved and disappointed.
For the second time tonight.
"Good night, Dean." Castiel mumbles as Dean turns away from him, noticeably keeping their backs against one another.
"Night, Cas."
A/N:It's almost been a year and I bring you a short chapter because I am literal garbage who has kinda lost interest in SPN but refuses to leave a story unfinished. My writing has changed a bit, and I'm gonna be writing Castiel a bit differently bc omg it was so...awkward before.